Love Will Come Through
by GraveDancer
Summary: An entirely AU MerDer fic by GraveDancer and youronlybelle.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: In an effort to continue our mission to write for the show, we're writing this. We still don't own GA though. If this goes well, maybe Shonda will finally call.**

**So here is a "new" fanfiction. It's only kind of new. If you're a regular over on the GA fanfic board chances are that you've already come across this. If not, well then it's new to you. And although it's being posted on my account it's actually cowritten with my friend Katie (youronlybelle). The story has gained some popularity over there so we decided to bring it out and share with others. It's Meredith and Derek obviously. And completely AU. Enjoy!**

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The bar was crowded tonight. I didn't like crowded bars, they got too loud, too warm, too many people. Of course going home wasn't an option, that was too quiet. I looked down at the scotch I had been nursing in my hands, and decided to ignore the jingle of the bell above the door. The last thing this bar needed was more people. I could probably use more scotch though. Then a laugh caught my ear. I couldn't stop myself from turning to look, the laugh was the sort of laugh that captures you and makes you want to laugh right along with it. I looked up and found myself staring at a petite blond in a long sleeved Dartmouth t-shirt and jeans, definitely not usual bar hopping fashion. Two of her friends were practically pushing her into the bar, and she was laughing. The laugh made me forget about the overly crowded bar, the too empty trailer and even the close to empty glass in front of me. Something about the laugh captured me, and that was terrifying. For someone who obviously wasn't trying to look good, she was beautiful. Breathtaking even. Something about the way her blonde hair fell, the way her laugh filled the room, had stopped me in my tracks.

Her friends pushed her onto a bar stool, one a tall blond, the other a short Asian woman. I leaned forward to catch her ordering her drink, a shot of tequila, and was surprised by the lightness of her voice, the laugh still there. She took the shot and knocked it back before asking for another one. Her friends were cheering now, and her eyes were sparkling. I needed to be near her. Gulping back another shot, she turned to the short Asian woman and said something. The other girl rolled her eyes in response and walked away, a disgusted look on her face. Before she got another shot in, the bell on the door rang again, and the perky blonde on her other side got up and all but skipped to meet the guy who had entered. She was alone now. Without even thinking I felt my feet hit the floor as I headed towards where she sat.

"Single malt scotch," I said to the bartender, handing my glass to him, before turning to her. She was looking down at her glass now, the smile suddenly gone. "So, is this a good place to hang out?" It seemed lame. But it was all I could think of to say.

She quietly cleared her throat. Her eyes met mine, she looked skeptical, as if I shouldn't be talking to her. God she was beautiful. "I wouldn't know, I've never been here before."

I thought for a second, realizing I was in a bind. I had been to this bar once before, that night I had enjoyed its quiet atmosphere. But to admit that I had been here before made my lame line sound even worse so I smiled at her, "Can I buy you another shot?" She didn't say a word, she simply looked at the bottom of her empty glass. "Ah, you're ignoring me."

She shot the bartender a worried look. "Ummm..." she said hesitatingly, dragging out the sound in the most erotic of ways. "Trying to," she finished, sounding hopeful that I actually would walk away and leave her alone.

I laughed slightly, amused by the way she was now looking around for her friends. I had a feeling that when I told my sisters this story, they would laugh at me, say that I had been setting myself up for failure. But I couldn't take my eyes off her, off the way her hair framed her face perfectly, but not in a styled way. "You shouldn't ignore me," I smiled at her.

She stopped looking around worriedly and slightly smiled back at me, tilting her head and looking at me interestingly, as if she couldn't wait to hear the next thing that came out of my mouth. At least that's what I hoped the look meant. "Why not?" she asked, making it quite clear she didn't quite believe me.

"Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love," I replied quickly, realizing it sounded stupid well before it had left my mouth. I could hear my sisters adding this to one of the worst pick up lines ever, but this beautiful woman had me completely enthralled. Giving up was not an option.

She looked at me this time, really looked at me. And smiled for the first time. If nothing else had left me enthralled that smile would have done me in. Women had been throwing themselves at me for years, I was a relatively good looking, successful, neurosurgeon, and not one of them had ever smiled at me like that. "Really?" she asked, amusement filling her voice.

"Oh yes," I smiled back at her, completely amazed by the way the room seemed to have emptied around us. At that moment, it was only the two of us.

As lame as my lines had been so far tonight, she seemed just as captivated, her eyes sparkling with interest as she gazed at me, her face relaxed, her friends all but forgotten. "So if I know you, I love you?" she asked, playing along with every lame word that had come out my mouth.

The fact that she was speaking to me seemed to have rendered me speechless, and all I could muster out was another, "Oh yes."

"You really like yourself, huh?" she asked me, not actually sounding that annoyed with my cockiness. Not that I was cocky, but when one is rendered speechless they don't always come up with the best thing to say.

And so for the first time that night, I decided to go with the truth. I decided to tell her why I was at a bar, alone. Why my trailer seemed to be a coffin these days. "Just hiding my pain," I answered, watching as she laughed, and found myself laughing with her. "Derek Shepherd," I said, holding out my hand to her.

"Meredith Grey," she answered, a sly smile stretched across her face. Her hand reached for mine, finding it's place perfectly as I gently shook it. Her hand was soft and warm. Butterflies that had been dormant since high school came back to life in my stomach, as just her simple touch sent shivers down my spine.

"Meredith Grey," I said it carefully, slowly, letting it roll of my tongue. It was a name I could get used to saying, a name I wanted to get used to saying. She drew her hand back and I looked into my drink. "Meredith, could I buy you a drink?"

"You're persistent," she said, giggling softly at me. "I like that in a man," she gestured to her glass, making it quite clear that I could indeed buy her a drink.

"Tequila?" I asked and then turned towards the bartender. "A shot of tequila, please." I turned back to her, amazed as I caught a whiff of a flowery scent. "So, Meredith, what do you do?"

"Seriously, Mer, leave you alone for 5 seconds and you're already picking up," the short Asian woman cut off any answer Meredith might have given me. I recognized the woman from somewhere, work maybe, but didn't bother to ask. She had managed to interrupt just when things were getting good.

Meredith laughed slightly and then turned to me. "It was good meeting you, Derek, but I really should get to my friends. Thanks for the drink." I needed to find a way to keep her with me, a way to make sure I would see her again.

"Can I have your number?" I blurted out, rather less than smoothly. Apparently, this tiny blonde had all but massacred my game. If Mark could see me now, well it was beyond good that Mark couldn't see me now. Our friendship would never be the same.

She turned back to me, panic creeping into her eyes. She turned quickly back to the Asian woman who was looking at me as if she had plans to eat me alive. "Um, I don't, I don't give that out," she said, though her voice trailed off slightly at the last couple of words.

"Oh...ummm..." For some reason it hadn't even crossed my mind that she might not give me her number. We had connected, she thought I was funny, she thought I was charming. Hadn't she? I wasn't even quite sure what to do now, but suddenly my hand was reaching for my wallet and I was pulling out my card. "Here...you can have mine. And you can call me. Sometime. Soon."

She looked down at the card, that same panicked look becoming even more pronounced as she examined the piece of paper as if it would burn her. "Oh, uh, all right," she stammered as she pushed it into the back pocket of her jeans, looked at me once more, and then turned on her heel and headed towards the back of the bar.

Meredith Grey. I had some here tonight looking to not feel so lonely but I hadn't quite expected to find that. Of course, who could expect that? A tiny blonde had walked in and after a brief conversation I had a feeling that she might have just changed my life forever. That is if she called. The 15 year old boy that I had once been was terrified that she wouldn't.

_"I don't know why but I can't keep my eyes off of you…"_

**Authors' Note: We can't lie. We loved this update. Our egos are currently inflated a little bit. Because we loved this. And we will definitely update again if you guys further inflate those egos.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: We're two poor college students. Two poor college students do NOT own Grey's Anatomy.**

I leaned against the back of the elevator, flipping through my Sidekick, wondering if there had been a message I had missed. It had been a month since I had given Meredith my number at the bar, and I still couldn't get her out of my head. It had been a month and she still hadn't called. I had been rejected, some tiny little blonde had rejected me. It shouldn't matter, but it did. I had gone over the night obsessively in my head, so obsessively that Mark had managed to call me a chick more than once. I thought I had been charming, funny, witty, and I had been wearing my red shirt, my good looking shirt. How had she managed not to call? And why couldn't I forget her? Why did the petite blond in a Dartmouth shirt take over my thoughts? And why wouldn't she leave them?

The elevator doors pinged open but I didn't bother looking up, not really caring about who had joined me. But then a familiar smell got my nose, something...flowery. There shouldn't have been anything distinct about it. But there was. I looked up to find the blonde that filled my thoughts standing beside me, trying to avoid my gaze. "You didn't call," I simply said to her.

She turned quickly, her forehead wrinkling at the sound of my voice. She was more dressed up now, khakis and a white button up that did more to show off her slim frame, a beautiful body. "Derek?" she finally managed to say, confusion dripping from my name. And yet somehow, I didn't think my name had ever sounded better.

"So you do remember," I answered lightly, smiling at her while I drank her in. She looked fresher now, less frazzled, less stressed. And the lightness suited her.

"What," her voice caught and she cleared her throat softly, turning her back on me again. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here. Head of neurosurgery," I answered, fighting to keep the usual cockiness out of my voice. Most women were impressed by my title. Of course most women didn't ignore me, didn't not call me. Meredith was different.

"Oh," she breathed softly and then let out a soft chuckle. "That must be why you're wearing the scrubs. I mean, normal people don't wear scrubs, do they? Of course not. Doctors wear scrubs. Nurses too, I guess. So I guess you wearing scrubs would mean you work here."

She was rambling. Full out rambling. And it was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. The way she wringed her hands, the way her eyes widened in nervousness. The rambling was adorable. I chuckled softly myself. "I could wear scrubs even if I wasn't a doctor. I mean, I look good in scrubs."

"Yeah, you do," she said and then her eyes widened even more in full on panic. "I mean, better than most people. Most people look terrible in scrubs. I, for one, would probably look absolutely terrible in scrubs. So you look better than most people. I need to stop, I really do. I ramble, when I'm nervous. Or something. And, yes, you look better in scrubs. I mean, better than most people, not better than normal."

I bit back a laugh. Laughter would not help in this situation, I didn't need her thinking I was laughing at her. I allowed my eyes to sweep up and down her body, taking in all the tiny details. The way her khakis rested snuggly on her hips, the way her shirt hugged her breasts, the way her hair curled softly against her shoulders. "Somehow I think you'd look good in anything," I replied honestly, surprised at the breathlessness in my voice.

"Oh," it's all she could say as she turned to look at me. She was blushing a little and she took a step closer to me, the flowery scent becoming even more pronounced. "Derek, we can't do this. We can't. You can't. I can't. Do this."

"Oh," I responded echoing her quietly, raising my eyebrows suggestively. "What is it exactly that we can't do?"

"This," she brushed her hand through the air, an exquisite hand with beautiful, long fingers. "You know. Flirting. We can't do that."

"And why not?" I asked her, fighting the urge to reach over and brush aside the strand of hair that had fallen into her face.

"Because," she took a deep breath as she looked up into my eyes. Her eyes were an exquisite green, light, beautiful, so full of emotion. And right now, they were scared. "Because it's wrong. Very bad. And, well, I don't know you."

"You could know me," I said, not pulling my eyes away from her beautiful ones as I gently took a step towards her, hoping she wouldn't pull away, satisified when she remained where she was standing. "Getting to know me could be fun, Meredith. You could give it a try."

She was blushing now, the red painting her pale cheeks, giving her a porcelain doll-like appearance. "Derek," she sighed as she took another step closer, beginning to close in the distance between our bodies.

"Meredith," I said, giving her a small half smile as I took a step closer. Our bodies were inches apart now, that flowery smell that she carried with her enveloped me, bringing the butterflies back with it. There was something about her.

Suddenly, she pushed me against the wall of the elevator, her lips meeting mine in a passionate, unbridled display of what I thought was affection. Or sexual attraction. Whatever it was, she had me pinned against the wall, and I responded the only way I really knew how, turning the tables and pinning her small body against the wall, my fingers moving through out her hair as I kissed her, hard. She let out a small moan as I pressed harder against her, giving my tongue the perfect opportunity to delve into her mouth, earnestly meeting hers, as I explored and tasted the petite blonde that I couldn't get out my head. Her body felt good against mine, her mouth felt good against mine. Our lips smashed together. Her hands found my hair, gently tugging on it, I let a small growl escape my mouth. Somehow, I ended up back against the wall as she gripped onto my curls, her tongue dueling with mine for power. She tasted good. She tasted right. She tasted better than I thought she could. And in a moment, it was over.

"Wh...wh...what?" I sputtered out, stumbling over my own words, my heart beat roaring in my ears as I gasped to get my breathing back to normal, as I watched her search the elevator with her eyes, as if she was hoping an emergency exit would suddenly materialize. "What?"

"We can't," she panted. "We can't do that. No. We cannot do that. Could these elevators be any slower?"

I ran my fingers through my now disheveled hair trying my best not to get frustrated with the beautiful panicked creature standing in front of me. "Mer, why can't we do this?" I asked her and she just kept looking away, looking at the numbers on top of the door, willing the elevator to go faster. A thought suddenly crossed my mind. "You don't have a boyfriend, do you?"

"A what?" she turned to me, the blush slowly fading from her face. "No, no. I don't. No boyfriend. And well, Derek, you really don't want to do this. Not with me. Really, you don't." She stared at me, her eyes practically begging me to leave this alone, to leave her alone.

And I would, I didn't force girls to go out with me, I didn't pressure uninterested girls, but uninterested girls didn't kiss me like she just had. I couldn't leave this alone when her lips were still red and swollen from my kisses. "I know what I want," I said shrugging slightly at her, smiling to keep the words as light and casual as possible.

"I am so not what you want," she insisted, but before I could press her further, the elevator pinged and she smiled gratefully and started to walk out, before turning back to me. "It was, uh, nice seeing you again, Derek." It was politeness. Pure politeness. She didn't look like it had been nice seeing me again, she looked like she wanted to run as far away as possible.

"Call me?" I said to her retreating back. The words sounded lame even on my own lips, but I had to give it that one last effort, one last try. One more push to hope that she would actually call me. Because I wasn't quite sure I could walk away quite as easily as she had.

_"Something in your eyes makes me want to lose myself…"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we'd be at the Golden Globes right now. We're obviously not there. So apparently we don't own Grey's Anatomy. **

"Hey, you're getting pretty big," I smiled at my five year old niece as she skipped back from the measuring tape at the doctor's office. My younger sister had called me in an absolute panic just a few hours earlier, rambling about strep throat and doctors, and if I would please take my adorable favorite niece to the doctor. I had agreed, of course and now here I was, apparently seeing a doctor :  
with the last name Mer.

"Uncle Der, that's because I'm a big girl now!" Talulah said, skipping ahead of me towards the exam room. Her energy astounded me, she never stopped, she never even slowed down. Even at the doctor's, she was a ball of energy. "Can we go for ice cream?" she asked me excitedly, turning around to look at me and squarely running into a woman's legs.

"Hey!" I heard the woman laugh as I tried to grab my niece. But the laugh stopped me. That laugh. It wasn't possible. No, it definitely was not possible. I looked up from my niece's dirty blond curls and felt my jaw drop when I saw her. Meredith Grey.

"Meredith!" I said surprise tinging my voice. I had hoped to run into her again, almost everywhere I went I hoped to run into her. Which made me feel like I was a teenager all over again, but I couldn't help it. Even though she never called, I wanted to see her again. I hadn't quite planned on running into her here though. My eyes swept up and down her. "I knew you'd look good in anything," I said

She blushed as she swept her eyes away from me and down to my niece. I had forgotten how beautiful she looked when she blushed, of course, I had forgotten how beautiful she was at all. "Uncle Der, this is Mer!" Talulah smiled up at me. "Mer, this is my uncle Derek! He's taking me for ice cream today!"

"Is he? That's pretty nice of him," Meredith said smiling down at my niece. She smiled at Talulah differently than she smiled at me. There was no teasing in, no fliration, just warmness. It was just as beautiful though.

"So, uh, you're a doctor?" I managed to stammer out as she took Talulah's hand and led her to an exam room. She hadn't said a word to me, hadn't even really acknowledged my existence. "I didn't know you were a doctor."

"I'm not," she responded, flushing slightly again. "I mean, I'm not a doctor. I was going to be a doctor but then...well something happened. It was nothing. But I'm not a doctor. I'm just an assistant."

"Oh," I nodded sympathetically. Most soon-to-be doctors found themselves dropping out halfway through med school, mostly because of money. Or the stress. "Well, you realize that this is fate, don't you?"

She had been looking away but with this her gorgeous green eyes whipped around to meet my blue ones, nervousness widening hers again. I just smiled at her, I couldn't help but smile at her. "What are you talking about?" she asked, sounding completely unsure and confused.

"Third time's the charm," I winked at her. "Obviously, you have to give me your phone number. I think it's meant to be." Lame. Another lame line. But I had to get her number, she obviously had lost mine. Or thought I was a freak. Either way, I needed to have the ball back in my court.

She smiled. I could see the battle within her eyes as she smiled, she didn't want to smile, but she did anyway. "Umm...well ummm..." Meredith said. It was adorable the way she stumbled over her words when she was nervous. "Meant to be?" she finally managed to get out. "I don't think..."

"Definitely meant to be," I confirmed quickly and then turned to my cute five year old niece for help. "Talulah, what do you think? Should Mer give me her phone number so I can take her to dinner on Friday?"

Talulah smiled at the two of us and nodded quickly. "Mer, Uncle Derek is really nice. He won't pull your hair or nothing," Talulah said, smiling even more. Oh, she was definitely getting ice cream after we left here.

"Really?" Meredith smiled at my niece and then looked back at me, her eyes a little bit darker, her smile falling into more of an amused smirk. "You won't pull my hair, Derek?"

I could pull her hair if she wanted me to, but somehow I didn't think that was the best thing to say, my sister would have me fried if Talulah ever repeated something like that. "No hair pulling. I swear I'll be on my best behaviour," I said, chuckling softly.

She looked down at Talulah's chart, absent-mindedly reading some notes, a smile playing at her lips. I had her. She was about to say yes. I had to send my sister flowers, and buy Talulah a lifetime supply of ballerina Barbie. But just as suddenly as the smile appeared, it was gone. "As nice as that offer sounds, Derek, I'm not sure that's appropriate."

Meredith was the most confusing woman I had ever come across. One second she was hooked, she was right where I wanted her, right where I needed her. One second she was mine. And then the next she was pulling away again. She was confusing. And quite frankly it pulled me to her even more, because she was different. "What? Why?" I said, in confusion.

"Yeah!" Talulah echoed. "Why?" She was playing her part perfectly, and I was thankful for it. Because Meredith took one look at Talulah and broke into a smile again. That amazing smile. God, I loved her smile.

"Talulah, I'm sure your uncle Derek is a very nice man, it's just..." The smile faded from her face as she tore her eyes away from my niece and looked at me again, her face contorting into an adorable grimace. "It's complicated, Derek...and it's just...just...you don't really want to go out with me."

"Meredith," I smiled softly at her, her name leaving my mouth in one breath. "Please."

"Derek," she said, smiling back at me softly but a tentative look in her eyes. "This is a mistake."

"How do you know?" I asked her, taking a step closer to her. "One date."

She looked at me again, gently bitting her bottom lip in the most alluring of ways, her eyes staring into mine as if they were looking for an answer. I was tempted to pull her up against me but that had failed the first time. "Derek, you...you're going to regret this," she said, frowning slightly.

I reached out to brush a strand of hair off her face and then murmured, "Give me a chance, Mer."

A smile battled it's way across her face again and my heart tripped with hope that she might finally be giving in. But she was Meredith, and I didn't want to get my hopes up. A smile meant nothing. "Derek..." she said, searching my eyes with her, as if she was trying to make me understand something. "It's not you who needs the chance," she finished, looking down at Talulah's chart again.

"Meredith," I said, wondering what I could say to that. She needed a chance. But why? Why was she so hesitant. She was single, unmarried. A consenting adult. "I'm giving you a chance. Say yes." It wasn't a command, though it came out sounding like one. It was my last ditch effort. I was begging. Derek Shepherd was begging. This never happened. "Please."

Indecision filled Meredith's eyes. I knew she wanted to go out with me, I knew she was attracted. I also knew something was holding her back. I just wish I knew what. "Derek...just...I don't know."

"About what?" I asked. "Meredith, you just have to take this chance. One dinner. You can do this." I felt as if I were speaking to Talulah, as if I were teaching her how to ride a bike for the first time. "You can."

Meredith looked at me and I met her eyes with what I hoped was my most encouraging look, the one I gave patients when they needed that extra reassurance. Her eyes held mine and I gently let a smile stretch across my face, hoping that she'd give this a chance, no matter what was holding her back. She suddenly sighed and turned around to write something down on a small piece of paper.

She folded it in half and handed it to me, a small smile on her lips. "There you go, Dr. Shepherd. I think that should help. Now, Talulah, why did your mommy send you here today?" I looked down at the piece of paper in my hands, opened it up, and saw her name and number scrawled in the usual messy doctor's handwriting.

"My throat hurts!" Talulah whined to Meredith but I could barely hear her. Meredith had finally given me her number. She was finally taking the chance, finally giving in to whatever this was. I still didn't know what had held her back so long, but I had her number. Meredith had given me her number.

_A thousand other boys could never reach you, how could I have been the one?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: HOLY SHIT WE WON! Okay, we didn't. Shonda did. Because we don't own Grey's. **

I noticed her the second she walked into the bar, the bell tingling above her head. She was running a few minutes late but I didn't really mind. It was worth it to see how beautiful she looked. Relaxed and casual, but beautiful. It almost seemed unreal that we were actually finally going out after so long of me chasing her. Her eyes met mine, and I smiled at her, getting up to go greet her.

"Hey," I said softly as we met in the middle of the bar. I noticed then she had a little bit of make up on, not a lot, just enough to make her look, well, different. And beautiful in a new way. Even her hair seemed a little styled, but otherwise, she wasn't dressed up. She wasn't like the women I had dated in the past, the women who spent all day prepping themselves. "You look beautiful."

She wrinkled her nose at the compliment. "Thanks but it's nothing. I just got off work and threw this on, really it's nothing. I mean, I don't look that great," she said shrugging me off. She paused and looked me up and down, finally meeting my eyes. She smiled at me gently, in that teasing flirtatious way that had captured me in the first place. "You look good though."

It was then that I noticed that we, well, matched. She was wearing jeans, a lavender sweater with a white button down underneath and I was wearing jeans, and a red sweater with a white button down underneath. I let out a chuckle as I surveyed her, "You've been stalking me, Meredith Grey."

Her eyes widened in that adorable way they managed to do ever so often. "What are you talking about?" she asked, sounding worried.

I laughed at her worried expression and then took her hand. "Nothing, you look beautiful," I smiled softly at her. "Really, you do." And she did. She looked amazing and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "Are you ready to go?"

She looked around the bar, a slightly confused expression on her face. She then looked at our hands still grasped together and finally back up at me. "Go? Derek? Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," I winked at her. "You didn't really think our first date would be in a bar, did you?"

"I didn't know what to think," Meredith said shrugging slightly. "It's been a while, I mean not a long time, but well long enough time since my last date. And I don't know you. It could of...I just didn't knw what to think."

I nodded at her words, sensing that this was new to her. Hell, this was new to me too. I dated, of course I did. But it was the first time in a long time I was out with a woman who captured my attention so easily as Meredith Grey. "Don't worry," I squeezed her hand, "we'll take this slow. You just have to trust me. Have faith."

"Faith," she said nodding slightly at me. I could still see the doubt in her eyes and I still wondered what exactly it was that made her so nervous. But those kind of questions would have to come late. For now she was following me out of the bar and trusting me to surprise her and that was enough. I wasn't used to taking it quite this slow but Meredith appeared to be worth it.

I opened the passenger side door for her, closing it after she slid into my car and then moved to the other side. I started my car and found myself taking her hand again as I drove out into the Seattle night. "Do you like movies?" I asked her, suddenly realizing that I didn't know a thing about Meredith Grey. Not one thing. Except that she was a physician's assistant and she had attended Dartmouth. Otherwise, nothing.

"Umm...yes I like movies," she responded, sounding like was slightly unsure of the answer. She wasn't looking at me, she was looking at our linked hands between us. I was slightly worried she's pull hers away but she didn't. "I like movies," she said again, sounding more sure this time and giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Good," I nodded. "And picnics? How do you feel about picnics?" Her hand was warm in mine, and fit perfectly in my own.

She smiled at me, a real genuine smile. "Picnics are nice," she said nodding but then gesturing to the dark sky outside the window. "But isn't it a little late for a picnic, Der?"

Der. I liked that. The last person who had called me Der was Talulah, and it was cute when she said it. But when Meredith said it, there was a teasing quality to it. It sounded almost sexual coming out of her mouth. "Oh, Mer," I let out a mock sigh of frustration, "It's never too late for a picnic and a movie."

In response her giggle filled the car. "You're taking me out for a picnic and a movie? Seriously? Isn't that a bit...cheesy?" she asked me, laughter making her voice sound more bubbly and bright than usual.

I laughed right along with her as I turned down a street, looking for a place to park. "There's nothing cheesy about Movies at the Mural, Meredith. It's a Seattle tradition!"

"Movies at the Mural?" Meredith asked me sounding skeptical of my idea. "That is definitely cheesy, Dr. Shepherd."

"Definitely not, Ms. Grey," I smiled at her. "Cheesy would be dinner on ferryboats with an orchestra playing." I parked my car and got out, opening her door for her. "And are you seriously telling me you've never been to Movies at the Mural?"

"No, Derek, some of us actually have reputations to maintain. If Cristina sees me out here she'll never speak to me again." Her words were of complaints but as she said them she slipped her hand back into mine as if that's exactly where it belong. "At least you brought food," she teased as I grabbed the full picninc basked out from the back.

"Always a necessity," I nodded and then led her to a bare spot on the grass, unfolding a blanket for us to sit on. She still looked around nervously, as if expecting Cristina to appear at any second, but I pulled her down to sit next to me, my arm automatically going around her shoulder. "I promise, I won't tell Cristina if you don't tell Mark."

"Who's Mark?" she asked, sounding curious as she eased in next to me. I was surprised to feel her body automatically relax against mine, bringing herself even closer to me as she squirmed around looking for the most comfortable spot.

"My best friend," I smiled at her as she settled herself just under my shoulder. I couldn't help but breathe in that flowery scent as I ducked my head down to whisper in her ear. "He's, well, he's a man's man. My sisters call him a manwhore." I chuckled lightly. "And Cristina is..."

"She's my person," Meredith said simply as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have a person. But her smile widened as she said it, so I assumed being one's person was a good thing. Wonder if Mark qualified as my person. "She works at the same hospital as you actually, you probably know her."

"What service?" I asked, the thought crossing my mind that I should probably get to know Meredith's person very well. And perhaps try to get on her good side.

"She's a cardio resident," Meredith said as her head found a comfortable spot on my shoulder.

I thought for a moment about the cardio residents. I didn't often work with them, but when I did, well, there were only a few I could remember. And then, the petite Asian woman that had been with her in the bar the first time we had met suddnely clicked in my head. "Yang," I replied. "Cristina Yang?"

"That's her," Meredith said, suddenly a frown crossed her face. "She's not as scary as she seems. Okay, maybe she is, but only when you annoy her."

I laughed lightly. "Yeah, she's a character," I murmured but then fell silent as the movie started. Her hand found mine again as we sat underneath the moon, cuddling and watching Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr. It was all a little bit surreal. Usually, on first dates, I felt pressured to talk, but with Meredith, I was completely content to sit in aboslute silence.

She seemed to feel the same, she just rested against me, a content smile relaxing her gorgeous features. I couldn't believe I had met her, that one night in a bar I had accidentally stumbled upon her. It was surreal. I had dated plenty of women before, but none had been like this. Not one woman I had met had fit me quite like this. As we sat in silence and watched the movie, Meredith fit.

_But the minute I first met you, I could barely catch my breath._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Seriously???? Seriously. We won. Shonda won. Life is so good. Life would be better if we owned GA, but we do not.**

As the movie came to an end, and people started packing up their blankets and picnic baskets, I came to the sudden realization that I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to move. Meredith felt so right in my arms, so amazing, that letting her go seemed like the worst thing I could do. "Hey," I murmured into her ear, "what'd you think? Still cheesy?"

"No, not so cheesy," she said in a low voice that sent chills down my spine. We were definitely not moving from this spot. "But tell anyone I said that and I'll let Cristina kill you and make it look like an accident."

I let out a laugh at the threat and then pulled her closer, needing to feel her against my body. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you," she said, accepting the compliment easily this time and sounding much more relaxed than she had earlier in the evening. I smiled at the thought my date had managed to calm Meredith, she always seemed to be thinking too much.

"Tell me about you, Mer," I said. "I want to know everything." And I did. She was a complete mystery to me, and I loved it, but I also needed to know what it was about her that made her so vulnerable, and yet so strong all at once. She wasn't weak. She could take care of herself. But she was vulnerable, and she was protecting herself from something.

Her body stiffened slightly against mine but she didn't pull away. "Well umm...everything is kind of vague, Derek," she said, slightly giggling as she skillfully avoided the question. "And I know nothing about you."

God, her giggle was intoxicating. She was intoxicating. "Not much to know," I grinned. "But you ask, and I'll tell you."

"Oh god," I laughed. "Do I have family? Four sisters, all very girly, tons of kids. Nine nieces, five nephews."

"Wow ummm..." Meredith said. I could feel the shock in her body. "That's a big family."

"Yeah," I nodded. "It is. But I love kids. They're so amazing and full of energy."

"You want some of your own?" Meredith asked quietly, fingering the blanket underneath us.

"Definitely," I nodded firmly. "What about you? Do you want kids?"

"I umm...it doesn't matter what I want," Meredith mumbled queitly. "I wouldn't be a good mom, I don't even know what a good mom is. It's just...I'm not that kind of person."

I squeezed her gently, sensing her discomfort at the question. "No one thinks they'll be a good mom until it happens," I assured her. "My mom always says it's a learning process."

"I don't think I have it me to even learn," she mumbled again, sounding heart breakingly sad. I had no idea what made her feel this way, I had seen her with Talulah. She was so warm and loving and she would make a great mother.

"Oh, Meredith," I sighed, but then decided that pushing it further would just make her feel worse, and I wanted her to feel relaxed, happy. I had the feeling that Meredith very rarely got the opportunity to feel happy and relaxed. "What about you? Any family?"

"I have my friends...Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex, they're my family," she said sounding happier again. "And my mom, but she's...with my mom it's complicated."

"Oh?" I asked quietly, desperately hoping that she'd open to me, even a little bit.

"She's a doctor, a pretty big important famous doctor. Actually she's an amazing doctor. But when it came to being a mother, well, she just...she's never been there," Meredith said in a rushed tone, as if she would hope that talking quickly would hide the hurt tones in her voice.

Grey. Meredith Grey. Meredith was Ellis Grey's daughter. There wasn't a single medical school student who hadn't studied the Grey Method, a single doctor who didn't pray to reach the caliber of Ellis Grey. "I'm sorry," I murmured. "It was probably tough for you, in medical school."

"It was, things were complicated and then things...well, it was just tough," Meredith said, pulling away slightly. I panicked for a second but then realized she was just pulling away enough to look at me. "Can we talk about something else? My mom is...well, can we just talk about something else?"

"Of course," I nodded quickly, immediately sorry that I had made her sad in anyway. I couldn't bear her being sad or distressed. I wanted to hear her laugh again, I needed to see that great smile. "How long have you lived in Seattle?"

"I lived here when I was younger. And then when...when things happened I decided this was a good place to come back to. It's been a few years now that I've lived here," she said, resting back against me, the smile back to her voice. "You?"

A sudden, unexpected wave of sadness came over me at the question, I sighed deeply and then answered, "Almost thirty years. After my dad died, my mom wanted to get as far away from New York as possible. So we came here."

"Oh, Der, I'm sorry," Meredith said warmly, her hand finding my knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. People had been telling me they were sorry about my dad since I was 10 years old, and I had always found it a waste of words. They never made you actually feel better. But when Meredith said sorry, for the first time in nearly 30 years, they actually did help. Her sorry did make me feel better.

"It's fine," I had said the words for thirty years, but this time I think I actually meant them. "He died peacefully. And he was a good guy. He was a doctor too. And now, well, so am I. And my sisters are too. All four of them."

"Your whole family are doctors?" Meredith said, amazement in her voice.

"Yeah," I laughed. "Nancy's an OB/GYN, Kathleen's a psychiatrist, Erin works trauma, and Leah works neonatal. My poor mother can't stand the doctor talk around the table at Christmas."

Meredith laughed. Her laugh was addictive. "I don't think I ever want to meet your family."

I laughed right along with her and then squeezed her tight. "They'd love you. I know they would. Especially my mom."

"Derek," Meredith said, that familiar panicked tone returning to her voice. "First date. We do not talk about meeting family on a first date."

"Right," I nodded, kicking myself for talking about her meeting my family. Aready I was imagining her fitting into my life so perfectly. Into the weekly family dinners, into the soccer games and the ballet recitals. It was all so easy to see her there, and I couldn't wait until she allowed herself to fit into my world. If she would ever let me fit into hers. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, nodding slowly, the back of her head rubbing against my chest where is still rested. Her hand found mine and she gently played with my fingers, running her smoother ones over them. "I...I...I've had a good time and I want, I think I want to give this a try. But it's been...I just...we need to take this slow Derek. For me. We need to take this slow."

My heart soared as she spoke, the words all coming down to one thing: she wanted to give us a try. The weeks of wondering if she was going to call finally meant something as I clasped her hand tightly. "I can take this slow," I replied. "And Meredith, I'm glad you've had a good time."

I leaned my head forward slightly, knowing exactly what I wanted but terrified that she would pull away. She didn't. Actually she leaned in a little closer to. Our lips were inches apart but I paused and looked in her eyes. Her eyes were so beautiful, they were so deep. Her eyes held everything. Smiling calmly at her I closed the distance between us and gently pressed my lips against hers.

It wasn't anything like the kiss in the elevator, our first kiss. There wasn't any frustration to it, or even the passion that had first overtaken us. Her lips were soft against mine as we kissed, and I brought my hand up to cup her face, feeling my heart beat quicken as she gently forced my mouth open with her tongue, exploring my mouth softly, gently as I ran my other hand through her hair.

She let out a soft moan, obviously enjoying the kiss as much as I was. And suddenly was cut off by the shrill ringing of a cell phone. She pulled away quickly, desperately grabbing for her purse and searching through it, finally pulling out the destroyer of my fun. She took one look at the display screen and a grimace of worry marred her features. "I have to go," she said, sounding breathless.

"What?" I breathed, frustrated once again that we had been cut short. "Why?"

"I just...I have to go," Meredith said, pleading with me with her eyes to believe her, to let her have this one. "I...We can do this again."

"Okay," I nodded. "But soon, Meredith. You're going to call me this time." I grinned at her to show her that I wasn't in anyway upset, just teasing her.

"You're pushy, you know that?" Meredith said, grinning back at me.

I laughed and kissed her quickly on the lips. "It's one of my better qualities, I think," I said. "And anyway, I had to wait over a month to get you on this date. I don't want to wait a year."

"You'd wait a year?" Meredith asked, grinning widely again at me.

"Well maybe not a year," I laughed as I stood, "Eleven months and twenty-nine days, maybe."

She laughed loudly and stood up beside me, kissing me quickly on the lips again. "As tempting as it is to test that theory I will call sooner than that."  
"Good," I nodded firmly as I gathered the blanket and the picnic basket. "Maybe next time, I'll try the whole ferryboat with an orchestra thing."

"I don't suggest it if you want a third date," she said giggling at me as she easily slipped her hand into my empty one. As if that's where it had always belonged.

"Killjoy," I squeezed her hand. "Fine, next time we'll do an actual restaurant. Can I pick you up next time so we don't have to make a mad dash to your car?"

Panic filled her eyes again. As cute as the panic was, it was a little disarming to see it so often on a date. "Could we just meet at the restaurant?"

I couldn't help but wonder what she was so scared of, why she was so guarded, but I nodded. "Of course, Mer. It was just a joke. "

"Good," she said nodding and the suddenly stopped walking and forced me stop with her. I looked at her eyes and found that she looked terrified, nearly close to tears and couldn't even begin to imagine what made her look that way. "Thanks Derek. For being understanding about this and just...thanks."

I put my hand softly on her jaw, amazed by how big my hand looked against her small face and kissed her on the forehead. "Meredith, it's fine. I enjoy being with you. If you need time, I can do that."

She smile at me. I think it might have been the first real true smile I had seen out of her, and it was utterly breathtaking. "Thank you," she whispered again quietly, brushing her lips against mine. "And I umm...I enjoy being with you too."

We got in the car and drove in that comfortable silence back to the bar, her hand tucked into mine. I couldn't believe how lucky I was, how beautiful she was. This had been the first time in a long time I didn't want to leave in the middle of a date. It was the first time in a long time that I could look at a woman and see her in my life, that I wanted another woman in my life.

In too quick of time we reached the bar that our evening had began at. I walked her to her car as slowly as I could, trying to pull out every last second that I could with her. As she reached for her door handle I took her hand in my own, turned her around to face me and gently pinned her against the car. "Derek, what are you doing?" she asked.

I kissed her, a little harder than last time, but still gently, this time exploring her mouth with my tongue. After a few seconds, I finally pulled away. "Good night, Meredith," I smiled at her as I brushed a strand of hair away from her bewildered face.

"Goodnight Derek," she responded, sounding beautifully breathless. With a shaky hand she opened her car door and stepped inside, effectively putting an end to our evening. I couldn't remember the last time a date had gone so well. Hell, I don't think there was a last time a date had gone so well. It had been an amazing first date. And I knew, in the way I sometime just know things, that it was my last first date.

_Goodbye until tomorrow, until I recall how to breathe. I have been waiting, I have been waiting for you."_


	6. Chapter 6

**If we owned GA, we would have written McDouchebag out of the show ages ago. Sadly, we don't own the show.**

It had been two days since my date with Meredith. Two days since I had kissed her in a parking lot. Two days since I had last heard her laugh. Two days and I still didn't have a phone call. I tried reasoning with myself, she was busy, of course. But then, she only worked Monday through Friday. Had she lost my number again? No, it was on her phone. Frankly, I was beginning to worry that I was turning into a girl.

She would call, she had said she would call and she would. It was different than the other times when she has seemed disinterested. She was interested. She was nervous and hesitant but she was interested. She would call. People didn't share first dates as amazing as the one that we had shared and not call. That would be...well a possibility. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, giving it a quick glance to make sure I hadn't missed a call.

Nothing. I sighed and then went into my mother's house for the weekly Shepherd dinner. It was a tradition that usually, I looked forward to, but my mother was strictly against cell phones and having to turn mine off was an absolute impossibility. Pagers she could deal with, cell phones annoyed her. "Derek!" she smiled warmly as I walked through the dining room into the kitchen, where my sisters and mother were congregating.

"Hey everyone," I said, trying my best to push Meredith from my mind and smile at my family. Instead I found myself looking at them and wondering how Meredith would fit in, what they'd think of her, what she'd think of them. I know Meredith didn't want fast, but I couldn't help myself with the speed my brain was going.

"How are you doing, honey?" my mother asked as she surveyed me, seeing if I had somehow lost weight in the past week or if I looked too tired.

I feel like a 15 year old boy who just went out on a first date with the most beautiful super model that is far too intelligent, kind and perfect for him and is now waiting to get a phone call saying that she wasn't actually to good for him. "I'm fine, Mom," I answer instead.

"Are you sure?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, mom, I'm good. Great actually," I said. And well it wasn't quite a lie, I would be great if my phone rang. But my mom's over concern worried me. I felt like I had a sign on saying that I had finally met my match, the one girl that didn't fall at my feet.

"How's work?" she asked me as she turned back to the stove. "They're not keeping you too busy are they? Really, Derek, I always used to tell your father, all work and no play makes you a very dull boy."

"I'm not dull," I responded jokingly frowning at my mom. "And work is...good. Busy but good."

"Just don't run yourself ragged, honey," she smiled at me. "Allow yourself some fun."

I smiled to myself, thinking about how much fun Friday night had been, sprawled out on a blanket with Meredith, smelling the flowery scent of her hair and enjoying the warmth of her body pressed against mine. I couldn't remember a night ever being more fun. "I'm having some fun."

Mom, seriously, leave him alone," my sister Leah smiled from where she sat at the table, peeling potatoes. "He looks fine."

"I look more than fine and you know it," I joked, smiling in thanks to Leah. She had always managed to save my ass when I needed it the most.

"No one looks as good as me though," the booming voice of my friend, Mark Sloan, was heard as he came into the kitchen, a bottle of wine in one hand and flowers in the other. "Hey, Mom," he said to my mother, handing her the flowers. My mother had basically adopted Mark and now he was apart of our weekly family dinners. She loved "adopting" people whose families weren't as good as ours.

"You only wish," I said, slapping my friend on the back. "Stole away enough time from the ladies to see the family today?" I asked him.

He grinned, his eyes twinkling as he took of his leather jacket. "I never thought Becky would leave. I don't know where I pick up these girls that think cuddle time is more than one minute and thirty seconds."

"Mark Jeremy Sloan! You know better than come into my house and talk about woman like that. And Derek shame on you for encouraging it," my mom yelled, giving us the patented mom look she had mastered on the two of us years ago. Mark and I gave each other warnings looks as we both bit back laughter.

"Sorry, Mom," he winked at her and then leaned over. "Smells great. What's cooking?"

"Roast beef," my mom answered him. "Keep your hands off it if you expect to get some. And for someone with such an active social life you don't look nearly as tired as my son."

"Mom!" I cried as I reached behind her and grabbed a carrot. "I'm not tired. I'm fine."

"You? Tired, Derek? Who's the woman keeping you up at night?" Mark asked me giving me a knowing look. I shot him back a dirty look in response. Mainly because there was a woman keeping me up at night, just not in the fun way Mark was accustomed to.

"Woman?" He had said the one word that got my four sisters and my mother riled up whenever I was around. I was the lone single Shepherd, the lone childless Shepherd. And now he had my mother interested. "Derek, are you seeing someone?"

"No Mom, I'm not seeing anyone, Mark's just being an idiot," I answered. I wasn't about to tell my family about Meredith. They would never leave me alone about her till they met her. And for now she was just mine.

Erin looked up from the newspaper she was reading, her blue eyes sparkling in amusement. "I don't know, Mom, he took Talulah to the doctor for me and she told me that Uncle Derek asked the physician's assistant for her phone number."

Talulah, why had I not thought to bribe Talulah to keep her mouth shut? Of course Talulah was going to mention something about Mer and me to her mom. Why had I not thought of this? "That was nothing," I said quickly.

"You took her out for ice cream, Derek," Erin eyed me. "You obviously used her to pick up Meredith. Mark has done it before, remember?"

"Talulah is no longer my favourite niece," I said, with my arms crossed pouting at my socks, not even bothering to attempt to hide from the barrage of questions I was about to be peppered with.

"Oh Derek!" my mother squealed happily. "Tell me all about her! How old is she? What does she look like? When will I get to meet her?"

I sighed, I didn't want to talk about Meredith, at least not to my family. She wasn't ready to meet them and the second I started talking about her they'd want to meet her. But Erin hadn't left me with much choice. "She's 30, Mom. And she looks like Meredith, she's...beautiful. And I have no idea when you'll meet her, it's only been one date." One perfect date.

"Where did you take her?" my mother prodded eagerly, her hand on her hip. "Did you pay? Is she from Seattle? Where does she live? Where did she go to school?"

I looked around the room hoping to find a face that looked ready to cut in but they were all listening eagerly, apparently wanting to know everything as well. "I took her to Movies at the Mural. Yes, I paid. She's from Seattle. I umm...don't actually know where she lives, I met up with her at the bar near the hospital for the date. And she went to Dartmouth," I said, answering every question.

"Movies at the Mural?" Mark laughed as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Dude, did you get laid at least?"

I chose to ignore Mark's question. Partially because my mom was in the room. And more because I didn't get laid. "Mom, everyone, you'll meet her eventually, you will. And you'll love her...she's...amazing."

"Amazing," my mom repeated, smiling proudly. "Oh, Derek, is she the one? Will I get a grandbaby from you soon?"

I smiled to myself again. I hadn't even thought in terms of the whether she was the one or not but...she fit. In every way possible she fit. After just one date I could imagine her in my life, in my bed, everywhere. She fit. She was the only woman I had ever met that I could imagine spending forever with. "Maybe, I don't know. It's only been a date."

"I knew after one date," Kathleen smiled, taking a sip of wine. "Sometimes you just know."

Was Meredith the one? Even as I tried to argue with myself about all the reasons I couldn't know yet, all the reasons I couldn't be sure yet, everything within my screamed yes. Meredith was the one. "She's...something special," I finally said to my family.

"Oh, Derek!" my mom forward and hugged me tightly. "I'm so happy for you. Bring her to dinner next week."

"Mom!" I exclaimed squirming out of her arms. "We haven't even had a second date yet, I can't bring her to meet this motley crew. We're going slow, taking time, enjoying it all. No family stuff yet." I told her, even though part of me would love to bring her here, introduce her to the people that meant the most to me. But Meredith wanted slow, and she would get slow.

"Taking it slow?" Mark smirked. "So you haven't gotten laid, have you?"

"No, I haven't gotten laid," I said calmly to Mark. "But that's okay, we're enjoying the ride."

"The other ride is much better," Mark winked at me and then jumped as my mom swatted a towel at him.

"And now that we have torn apart my love life, I suggest we move on," I said, giving each member of my family the best pleading eyes I could muster. "I mean, we have Dr. Mark Sloane, Seattle's number one manwhore here, why talk about my boring first date?"

"Derek!" the towel was swatted my arm. "Don't listen to him, Mark, I'm glad you have a healthy social life."

"See, Derek, I'm the good son," Mark said, smiling at me with a shit-eating grin.

Before I could respond, Nancy asked, "So when's the next date?"

Good question, amazingly good question. One that reminded me oh so painfully of the silent cell phone resting in my pocket. "Not quite sure yet. She's going to give me a call" I answered, hoping that my voice sounded more confident than I felt.

"Two days and she hasn't called?" Kathleen asked.

"She's busy," I defended, knowing my defence was week. But it was the excuse I had been offering myself so I might as well extend it to the rest of the family. And she was going to call, she was. So any defence I used now was fine.

"It's the weekend, how busy can she be?" Nancy asked.

My family was apparently far too smart for my own good. So maybe what I assumed to be the honest truth would work. "Meredith...she's complicated. Beautifully amazingly complicated. And she's really tentative about me and about us. She wants it but she's scared. I don't know why and for now I'm not pushing. She said she'll call and I trust her. She'll call," I tell my family, surprisingly believing the words for the first time myself.

"Man, this is why I go for girls in bars," Mark sighed. "Not very bright and totally uncomplicated. Complicated usually means daddy issues. And I don't need a girl obsessed with attachment. Bang 'em and leave 'em."

"You have serious issues," I told him, looking at him with a fake look of disgust. "And I don't want to leave Mer, whatever it is...we'll work through it."

"Derek," my mom reached forward and squeezed my hand, "I'm so happy for you. I don't think I've ever seen you this way over a girl."

"I've never been this way over a girl," I answered my mom honestly.

"Okay, you know what, let's eat before I throw up," Mark grimaced.

"Jealous," I said, knowing that one day Mark would end up just like me, waiting patiently for some girl to call because he was pretty certain that she held the key to the rest of his life. Meredith held mine. Minutes ago I had been worried that she wouldn't call, worried this wouldn't work. Now I knew it would. Because Meredith...she was the one. And with the one it has to work.

_And although I know I don't believe in destiny, maybe it's found me._


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's Anatomy. And that's okay. Because if we did, there's not much we could do to improve it. Actually...fire Isaiah. Yep. That would do it. Team TR all the way!**

I trudged into my trailer, my entire body drooping from absolute exhaustion. I had been at work for nearly fifty hours, a six car pile up had guaranteed that. I loved my job, and in the OR, I wasn't tired, but once the surgery was over, I was exhuasted. Today was no different as I collapsed onto my bed, not even bothering to remove any of my clothing or shoes. I just needed to sleep. My eyes started to blissfully close the second my head was down, the world around me fading a cloud of darkness. Meredith briefly flashed through my mind. It had been four days and still no call. But right now I was too tired. I was seconds from sleep, I knew I was seconds from sleep. And then the phone rang.

I rolled over and grabbed the damn thing, seriously considering turning it off and sending the caller to voicemail. It was probably my mother. But I sighed and flipped my phone open, not even bothering to look at the display. "Shepherd."

"Derek?" the tentative voice on the other side said, my eyes opening wide again immediately. I knew that voice. I had been waiting for that voice. "It's Meredith," she said unnecessarily.

"Meredith," I sat up in bed quickly, suddenly alert and awake. "Hey. How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm sorry, I'm sorry it took me a bit to call," she said, her nervousness coming through the phone.

"Don't worry about it," I laughed, almost giddily. "Though, I was starting to worry you'd actually make me wait eleven months and twenty nine days."

"I thought about it," she said giggling beautifully. "But I figured it was a waste. You'd just start stalking me again."

"I don't recall stalking you," I said, faking horror. "I remember you were stalking me. Being in my hospital. In my elevator. Taking care of my niece. I think we all know who was stalking, Ms. Grey."

"I'm not stalking you, you were the one that wouldn't leave me alone," she said giggling some more. I loved that giggle. I loved even more being the one that caused the giggle.

"We kissed in an elevator. Actually, you kissed me. I think you were trying to sexually harass me," I laughed, hoping she'd giggle again. I could listen to her giggle for the rest of my life.

"That kiss was a mistake. And it shouldn't have happened. It should be forgotten about," Meredih said, rewarding me with the giggle I had hoped for.

"Forgotten about?" I gasped. "Meredith, for shame! And I was hoping you'd consider trying to sexually harass me again, sometime soon." Why was I so lame when it came to Meredith? Usually, I was suave. I was debonair. I was never lame. What had Meredith done to my game?

She giggled again. That's what was wrong, that giggle was tearing apart my game. And the thing was, she didn't even seem to matter. Apparently she enjoyed the lameness. In fact she seemed to enjoy the lameness. "Well I was thinking...umm...if you don't have plans we could do something this Saturday," she said, sounding like she almost expected me to say no.

"Saturday?" I asked, trying to decide if I should tease her. If I should pretend that I had other plans. Instead, I rushed to answer. "Saturday sounds great. Dinner?"

"You do owe me a dinner, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith answered. I could hear her gorgeous teasing smile through the phone.

"You're so demanding, Ms. Grey," I teased right back. "My picnic wasn't good enough for your tastes?"

"I loved the picnic, as cheesy as it was. But you're the one that promised a dinner. It's the only reason I called," Meredith said, giggling slightly at me. I liked her on the phone, she sounded more relaxed on the phone. More like the girl I knew she really was when she wasn't too busy freaking out over some small details.

"Oh, I see, I'm just your meal ticket?" I usually wasn't good on the phone, but Meredith made it easy. 

"That and a nice piece of arm candy, but don't let that go to your head," Meredith teased me. I loved the teasing. No one had ever teased me like that before.

"You're not so bad yourself," I grin. "So, Saturday, seven-thirty?"

"Sounds good," Meredith said, sounding a little more somber. She cleared her throat and when she talked again the nervousness had returned. "Where are we meeting?"

"How does Rock Salt sound?" I asked her. "Steak, wine, big chunks of carbs in baskets."

She giggled softly. "I like steak. It sounds good."

"Great," I said firmly. "Rock Salt, Saturday, at seven-thirty."

"See you Derek," she said sounding happy.

"Can't wait," I said honestly.

She giggled one last time. "Bye."

"Bye, Meredith," I sighed, closing my phone and falling onto my pillow, finally falling asleep, a smile on my face.

_And it sure feels good, to finally feel the way I do..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: In honor of Grey's Day, we present you with a date. Hopefully tonight, we'll be presented with IW being tortured mercilessly on the show. Team TR!**

Saturday, somehow time had finally passed and it was Saturday. No week of my life had ever gone by slower. It had felt like forever. Of course that's what happens when you can't get a tiny insignificant blonde out of your head. But I couldn't wait to see her again, to talk to her again. To hold her again. She inundated my thoughts, even at the most inappropriate times, like when poking around someone's brain.

It was weird feeling this all over again, this obsession with a girl. I hadn't felt it since Tina Adkins when I was sixteen, but Tina was nothing compared to the way Meredith ruled my world. Every decision I made before our date was all in the effort to look as good as possible. Shave or leave a five o'clock shadow? Casual or dressy? I finally settled on a pair of black dress slacks and a blue button down shirt. But even then, I wasn't sure.

The feeling of someone standing above my table pulled me out of my thoughts as I looked up to find a smiling Meredith. I jumped up to greet her, nearly tripping over my chair in the process. Smooth, Derek, real smooth. "You look beautiful," I greeted her, reaching over to pull her into a hug. She looked wonderful, a red dress that showed her gorgeous body perfectly, her hair softly curled.

"Um, thanks," she said nervously as I kissed her on the cheek, catching a whiff of that flowery scent. I really needed to ask her what it was, and soon. "I, uh, wasn't sure about the dress. I don't own a lot of dresses, um, but Izzie, well, she said this would be okay. I wasn't sure though."

"Izzie gives good advice, you look amazing," I said, as I pulled our her chair for her to take a seat, grateful that my mom had taught me years ago how to be a perfect gentleman.

"Thanks," she said again. "You look good too. The blue, it uh, suits you."

"Really? Thanks," I said in an eager voice. An overly eager voice by the unbelieving look on her face. "I wasn't sure either," I admitted my own nerves to her.

She giggled as she reached for her water glass. "I didn't think guys actually got nervous about what to wear on dates."

I certainly had a way of making myself appear like the cool, debonair guy I knew myself to be when I was around her. It was probably a small miracle she hadn't run the opposite direction yet. "Yeah...well...most guys don't have you to impress," I responded, proud of myself for finally saying something that sounded like I might have some brain function remaining.

She blushed slightly at that and looked down at the menu our waiter was placing in front of her. "I'm not that special, Derek."

Meredith was amazing and she had no idea. But with just five words she had made my heart ache for her, wondering what exactly it was in her past that made her pull away from us occasionally, and what made her think she wasn't as special as she was. I reached across the table and held her hand, rubbing my thumb gently over her knuckles. "Yeah you are, Mer. You're something else."

She looked down again, the blush deepening, her curled hair falling into her face. After a couple seconds, she looked up at me. "How was your week?"

"Long," I said with a gentle laugh, allowing her to change the subject from my praise of her. "Yours?"

"Also very long," she nodded, taking her hand gently from mine and opening the menu. "Any interesting surgeries?"

She asked me about surgeries, I liked that. So many of the woman I had dated had been so clearly impressed by my job and so disinterested in it. Meredith was the complete opposite. "Did a corpus colostomy yesterday which was pretty amazing, but I don't need to bore you with the details."

"Oh no," she shook her head, smiling. It was the first time I had seen her so animated, so excited. "If I had stayed in medical school, I would have gone for neurosurgery. It really sounds so amazing, and well, I mean, it's someone's brain. You wouldn't be boring me at all."

"So now the truth comes out as to why you're dating me. Planning on living vicariously through me, aren't you?" I asked laughing, not bothering to ask exactly what had happened in med school that made her leave. She was it for me, we had our lifetimes to figure out all the small details. I'd hear the story eventually.

She giggled for a second, reached for her glass, and then stopped, the panicked look coming back into her eyes. "It's okay, isn't it?" she asked, wringing her hands. "I mean, to ask you about surgeries? I haven't dated in a while, and um, well, not really long, just...well, long. And I don't know...is that okay?"

"Meredith, it's fine," I said, reaching out to pull her hands apart and slipping one into my own, giving it a tight reassuring squeeze. "Ask whatever you want. Say whatever you want. I like you, Mer, every bit of you. Even the occasional girly flip outs. There's no need to be so scared of me Mer, no need to be scared of us. I'm not going anywhere, you're not chasing me away."

"Not yet," she sighed, almost under her breath, but just loudly enough for me to hear. "You don't know everything about me, Derek."

"I don't know everything about you," I said nodding and smiling at her. I didn't quite understand her, but that was okay. "But I want to know everything about you, Meredith. And I promise no running away."

She nodded, a look coming into her eyes that I had never seen before, that I couldn't identify. Guilt? Shame? Desperation? She used her free hand to take a sip of water and then looked at me again, the look fading away. "My friends call you McDreamy."

"McDreamy?" I asked, trying not to grimace at the awful nickname bestowed upon me.

She nodded, a smile playing at her lips. "You're Dr. McDreamy. Cristina says you're the most eligible guy at the hospital. And Izzie says our first date was so perfect you're either dreamy or gay."

"I'm definitely not gay," I quickly responded. "And I guess that makes you pretty lucky, doesn't it?" I asked, giving her my best smile.

"I guess," she smiled back. "Dr. McDreamy."

The way she said it that time made the nickname sound a lot less awful. She made it sound perfect actually. I think I might learn to like Izzie and Cristina. "Tell me about them, your friends. What are they like?" I asked, hoping to find out even the smallest little detail about the girl I was falling head over heels for.

She laughed, again becoming perfectly animated, almost the way she was about neurosurgery. "Well, Izzie, she's a teacher. And married to a doctor. You might know him, actually. Alex Karev?"

"Alex Karev," I said slowly, rolling around the name in my brain to see if I remembered it. Oh yes, ob/gyn. I had never worked with him but the things I heard about him had been less than flattering. "You're friends with Karev?"

"We all went to med school together," she nodded. "Alex is, well, he used to be known as Evil Spawn. But he's actually not as bad as he may seem. Izzie keeps him in line, I think."

"What about the others? What are they like?" I asked again, so hoping to get this mystery to open up about something, even if it was something so small. But she lit up when she talked about her friends, it was obviously a safe topic. And she looked so beautiful all lit up like that.

"Oh, there's George," she smiled. "He's a postal worker. Cristina calls him Bambi."

I laughed, even though it might be rude to laugh at her friends, but sometimes one just couldn't help themselves. "You have a friend who's a mailman?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "He always says it's because he's dependable. And he is. He's my rock, sometimes. He's just been so great with, um, with everything."

I couldn't help myself but to wonder exactly what everything was. And even though I had no clue as to what it was that held her back, that obviously haunted her, I couldn't help but hope that one day I'd be her rock, that I could be great with everything. "I'm glad you have them, Mer."

She just nodded, that look coming into her eyes for a second and then swiftly disappearing. "What about Mark?" she asked.

"Mark is...you have to meet him to really appreciate him," I said, trying to explain the strange man I considered my brother. "He's a plastic surgeon, according to him he's the best plastic surgeon. Of course according to him he's the best everything. Most of it's not true."

"Most of it?" she asked, curiously.

"He's damned good at his job, but if you tell him I said that I'll deny it," I said with a laugh. "Really, he's a great guy, you'll love him."

There was a lull in conversation as our waiter came and took our orders and then she turned back to me. "Tell me more about your family," she urged. She seemed much more relaxed than she ever had before. I wasn't sure if it was the wine she had now taken to drinking or my effect on her. I hoped it was me.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, taking her hand back in my own, glad that she wanted to hear about them.

She shrugged, but leaned forward a little. "Anything," she smiled. "I mean, the Shepherd family is pretty extensive, I'm sure you have stories. Being the only boy growing up."

"Oh I have stories, but none I think I should share on a second date. I don't want to run you off," I said laughing. "Hmm...let's see. My mom is that mom, the one from the movies. The type that's far too protective and always in your business. That's my mom. She had so many questions about you on Sunday when I was over there," I said casually.

"You, uh, told her about me?" she asked quietly, the panicked look returning. It really was discerning to see it on a date so often.

"No," I responded quickly. "God no. But apparently my niece has a bigger mouth than I give her credit for. She told Erin, my sister, about it and Erin, being the annoying sister that she is brought you up. I didn't tell them, I know you want slow."

I felt her relax and then smile. "So Talulah told her mommy about us?"

"She did," I said laughing softly. "I guess it teaches me my lesson about flirting in front of my 5 year old niece."

She laughed. "Was your sister aware that you used your five year old innocent niece to get me to say yes to a date?"

God, I loved that laugh. "It worked, didn't it? And yes, my sister is all to aware of the tactic."

"Oh?" she raised an eyebrow. "Used it before?"

"Not me. I've never had to use it before, women usually fall at my feet. Mark on the other hand..." I said, laughing and letting the sentence trail off.

She laughed right along with me, squeezing my hand. "You and Mark were those guys in college, weren't you?" she asked. "You know, the guys who could get A's from female professors just by winking at them?"

"Are you questioning my intelligence, Ms. Grey?" I asked pretending to be insulted. "I'll have you know, all of the good marks I got were well earned."

"I'm sure they were," she rolled her eyes jokingly. "So there's Talulah, and then eight more nieces?"

"Yep, and I won't bother with all their names as there is no way possible you'd remember them all. Just know that they're all adorable and all adore their uncle Derek," I responded.

She laughed again. "And how many nephews?"

"Five, a much easier number to deal with," I answered.

"That's a lot of kids around the holidays," she smiled.

"Good," she said and then hurried to say, "Not that I don't want to meet your family someday, it's just that, well, the most time I've ever spent around kids is at work. When they're sick or getting a shot. So they hate me."

I laughed gently. I couldn't imagine anyone hating her, let alone small children who loved everyone that took time to smile at them. Even if it was someone who gave them shots. "They'll all love you when the time comes. You make their uncle Derek very happy," I told her honestly.

She looked down again and then murmured, "You make me happy too, Derek. I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun."

"Really?" I sounded like a five year old that had just been told that if he ate all his peas he could have ice cream for dessert. But that was okay. Because I felt like that five year old. Meredith had seemed to enjoy herself, she seemed to be happy when she was with me. But she was hard to read with all her switching emotions. It was impossible to know. But now I did know.

"Yeah," she whispered. "It's been a long time. So, I don't know. But I have a good time with you. I was actually, um, well, looking forward to tonight."

"I was looking forward to tonight too," I whispered back in hopes of putting her mind at ease. "And I'm glad you're having a good time, even if it's been a long time."

She looked up at me, tears beginning to fill her eyes and opened her mouth to say something, but stopped when the waiter came with our food. After he had left, she took a couple bites of her steak and then asked, "Favorite band?"

I wondered what the tears had been about but didn't ask. She was so fragile, I couldn't risk breaking this, I couldn't risk pushing too hard and having her leave. I'd find out eventually. "The Clash, yours?"

"Really?" she winced.

"What's wrong with The Clash?" I asked.

"Nothing," she laughed. "I just never would have pegged you as a fan."

"Don't peg me, I'm not peggable," I told her, smiling. "And you are avoiding the question. Is your taste in music that bad?"

She giggled. "Not unless you have anything against Duran Duran."

"Seriously? That's sad," I told her shaking my head.

"What's the matter with Duran Duran?" she laughed, slapping my hand gently.

"Nothing, if you have bad taste in music," I told her, laughing along with her.

"Oh, and The Clash is so great?"

"The Clash is amazing. Apparently you've never met anyone before to expose you to them properly. You're lucky I came along," I said, with a playful wink in her direction.

"Oh, so lucky," she said sarcastically, with a smile on her face though. "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

"Coffee," I answered, enjoying this game of getting to know each other. "You?"

"Strawberry," she grinned. "Best ice cream in the world. Your turn."

"Ummm...favourite book?" I asked her.

"Oh," she gasped a little, tensing up again. "Um, I really don't have time to read. You?"

"The Sun Also Rises," I said with a shrug.

For the rest of the meal, we chat amiably, joking and teasing each other. I couldn't believe how beautiful she is, how perfect she is. She even orders dessert, something most women would never do. And long after the strawberry cheesecake is gone, we're still sitting there, talking. She finally says something when the waiters start putting chairs on top of tables. "We should probably go," she giggled.

"Probably, before they kick us out," I told her, pushing my chair back and walking around to pull her chair out for her. "Tonight was amazing."

"It really was," she said as she got up and then took my hand. "Even if you do have terrible taste in music."

"Whatever you want to believe, Mer," I told her, starting to walk out of the restaurant, clasping the hand that fit mine so well.

"Derek?" she asked as we stepped into the cool Seattle air.

"Yes." I asked, spinning her around so we were facing each other.

"We're going to do this again, right?" she looked into my eyes earnestly. "I mean, this really was a good date?"

Meredith was unsure if I wanted to do this again? After all this time of me being worried that she wasn't interested, that she was pulling back because she didn't want to give me a chance. And now she was doubting whether I wanted to do this again. "Meredith Grey, that was an amazing date. And we are most definitely doing this again."

She giggled a little and then nodded. "Good," she whispered as she reached up and kissed me, softly at first and then deepening it. There we were, in the middle of the parking lot, kissing in the drizzle that was beginning to fall. I put my arms around her and pulled her close, amazed by how she felt against my body. She was it, for me. There was no one else. My sister was right, sometimes, you just know.

She pulled back but left her arms securely around my neck, staring up at me, a huge smile on my face. "So for our next date can I do the ferry boat and orchestra thing?" I teased her.

She giggled and then kissed me quickly on the lips. "Only if I get to tell Mark," she teased.

"So no ferry boats and orchestras. That's okay, I'll think of something better," I said with a wink. God she was beautiful in the street lights, her hair shimmering from the slight drizzle. I bit back the sudden urge to tell her how I felt, to tell her everything. I fought the urge to tell her I didn't want to spend another day without her. That I was falling in love with her.

_"I sat beside you and became myself."_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Fine, we're giving up the battle to own Grey's Anatomy. But on one condition...we get to own Patrick Dempsey.**

The next week went by almost too slowly. Even surgery couldn't distract me from my upcoming date with Meredith. I had made the decision that Meredith would come over to my trailer for dinner. She seemed excited, well, at least as excited as Meredith could seem. Everytime we made a step forward, she seemed to become even more nervous. I couldn't figure her out, but I was hoping a romantic dinner would help.

I looked around the trailer, a nervous excitement resting in my belly. Meredith didn't know I lived in a trailer. I had no idea how she would take it. Any other girl I had ever dated would have ran, but Meredith was different. But it was a trailer. She probably expected a house, or at least an apartement and I was giving her a trailer. I paced around, anxious for the night, until the phone interrupted me. I quickly picked it up. "Shepherd."

"Derek?" her voice immediately made me stop in my tracks. Something was wrong. I didn't know how I knew, but there was something her voice.

"Mer, what's up?" I asked her, urging the nervousness to stay out of my voice.

"Um, I'm really sorry, but uh, something has come up," she stammered softly.

"You're cancelling?" I asked, hearing the dissapointment in my own voice. I had been so looking forward to tomorrow night, I was sure it was the night that I finally would break through her barriers and figure her out.

"I'm really sorry, Derek," she sighed. "I was really looking forward to tomorrow, but I can't. Something, um, I have to do something. And it uh, just came up. And I'm really sorry. I really am."

I held back the sigh that was threatening to escape my mouth, knowing Meredith didn't have to feel any worse than she already did. "It's okay, Meredith. Can we reschedule?"

"Can we?" she asked. "I mean, I want to. If you want to. You're not upset?"

"Dissapointed. But I could never be upset with you, not over this," I said, laughing to prove their were no hard feelings. "But don't think you're getting out of this date. Definite rescheduling."

She let out a small giggle. "Next Saturday should be free."

"I have to wait another week?" I said, whining over the phone lines.

"I'm sorry," she sighed again. "It's just, this thing that has come up, um, it, well, it's going to take up the entire week. But next Saturday. Next Saturday, um, I should be free."

"Meredith, you're a mystery. An amazingly beautiful mystery," I said, laughing softly.

There was a pause on the other line and then, "I'm sorry, Derek. I know you want to know me."

"And I know you want to take things slow," I told her, smiling and nodding encouragingly even though she couldn't see me.

"It's driving you crazy isn't it?" she giggled.

"Oh just slightly," I told her laughing. "But I think you're probably worth it."

"How do you know?" the nervousness was back in her voice, and I knew she was probably wringing her hands.

"Honestly, I don't know how I know," I said, sighing into the phone. "I just do. Sometimes you have to take things on faith, Mer."

"How do you know if this is real?" she asked. "How do you know what's real or not when you take things on faith? What if I disappoint you?"

"I don't know Meredith, that's part of the fun. You take a chance and hope to god," I told her honestly. "But this...this is real. There's no way you'll dissapoint me."

She giggled a little and then stopped. "Derek, could you hold on for just a second?"

"Of course," I said wondering what was going on on her end. I smiled as I pictured her, holding the phone up to her face, walking around the room and fidgeting with everything she could touch.

"Derek?" she came on the line, suddenly sounding stressed and worried. "I have to go. I'll um, see you on Saturday, right?"

"You will. You have the directions," I told her.

"Yeah, I do," she confirmed, suddenly sounding distracted. "Bye, Derek."

"Bye Mer. Can't wait to see you," I said, hanging up the phone and wondering yet again what had pulled her away this time and hoping she's stop pulling away soon. I was falling in love with her and still knew so little about her, because she always pulled away. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy this chapter would be the show, Except without any phones ringing.**

It was Saturday, finally gratefully it was Saturday. I had thought it would never come. I looked around the trailer one last time, making sure it looked presentable, at least as presentable as a tiny trailer could look. I hoped Meredith liked it, I hoped she didn't run away again. The flash of light beams through the window alerted me to her arrival. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves that fluttered in my stomach. Tonight Meredith would meet the real me.

I stepped outside and watched as her car pulled up the road, coming to a stop right in front of the trailer. Meredith got out, this time in jeans and a sweater, and stood there for a second, her eyes peering into the darkness, probably looking for a house. Had I completely misjudged her? I had thought she was the type to like a trailer, or at least tolerate it. But the way she was looking around scared me. "Looking for something?" I asked, teasingly as I watched her eyes sweep the large area of land. I teased instead of admitting that I was terrified.

"Um," she said after another second as she came forward. "Derek, where are we?"

"My trailer," I said, wincing at how nervous my voice sounded. "My land actually. I bought all of this and have no idea what do with it. So I live here, in this trailer."

"A trailer," she repeated and then looked at the trailer, a smile creeping onto her features. She looked at the tiny trailer and then back at me. She stepped forward again, this time past me and closer to the door, before turning back to me and offering her hand. "Nice castle, Dr. McDreamy."

I grabbed her hand, laughing softly at her joke, laughing out of relief that she apparently accepted the trailer, and more importantly me. As much as this trailer had meant to be a temporary place right now it seemed to reflect who I was, what I could offer this beautiful blonde that firmly held my hand. "I'd give you a tour but it's not that large."

"So why a trailer?" she smiled. "I mean, I love that you're a neurosurgeon living in a trailer. But why a trailer?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug as I poured her a glass of wine. "This land...it was an impulse buy. I saw it and I knew I had to have it. But then it was mine, and I just had no idea what do with it. But I needed somewhere to live, so this trailer seemed...I really don't know."

"I love it," she assured me as she accepted the wine. "And Derek, uh, thanks for rescheduling. This last week has been...hectic."

"Meredith, it's no problem. I'm being patient with you," I told her, leaning forward and gently pressing my lips against hers. The kiss was quick, just a greeting for the girl that had captured my heart.

She smiled softly and squeezed my hand. "How was your week?"

"Long. I missed you," I told her honestly, gently, praying that the small admission wouldn't send her spiraling away from me again.

"Oh," she sighed. "Um, I, uh...dinner. What's for dinner?"

I smiled ruefully at her sudden change of subject. I was growing accustomed to it, and it was a little endearing. "Fettuccini alfredo with cajun chicken," I said, smiling proudly at her.

"Wow," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Impressive, Mr. Chef. Where did you learn to cook?"

"My mom. As the only boy in the family I was subjected to many of the same lessons my sisters had," I told her.

"Poor Derek," she giggled. "It smells wonderful."

"It tastes wonderful," I told her confidently. "Do you want to toss the salad while I finish this?"

"Seriously?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"Is there a reason you can't toss a salad?" I asked her, teasing her gently again.

"Well, see, Derek, I've been trying to hide something from you. But I guess now it's time to tell you the truth."

I felt my heart suddenly stop in my chest. She was going to finally open up? Whatever huge big secret she had been keeping me since the moment we had met and she was finally going to tell me. "Mer?" I asked, my voice coming out a little on the squeaky side.

"I, uh," she sighed and then stared at the ingredients to the salad on the counter. "I can't cook. Well, I guess I can. I can make sandwiches. And I can heat up leftover grilled cheese and pizza. But cooking? I can't do that. That's Izzie's territory. I can't cook. I'm a terrible, awful cook and have no domestic skills whatsoever."

Cooking, she had been talking about cooking. I laughed loudly. "And this inability to cook means you can't even throw together a simple salad?"

"Probably," she nodded. "I've never really tried it. Izzie always cooks. Always. She cooks Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner. And she always tries to get us to help her, but well, I can't cook. She throws me out of the kitchen."

"I trust you to make the salad," I told her gesturing to the pile of ingredients by the sink.

She stared again at the ingredients and then sighed, stepping forward, turning on the sink and running the vegetables under the water. "You're probably going to regret this."

"If it turns out awful we can just fill up on the pasta," I told her.

She smiled gratefully and then began cutting the vegetables, throwing them randomly into the salad bowl. It felt strangely domestic, the two of us in my small trailer, cooking in a companionable silence. "Derek?" she whispered.

"Yes?" I whispered back, not one hundred percent sure why we were whispering at all.

"I, uh," she paused and then took a deep breath, as if releasing some big weight. "I missed you too."

She missed me. Meredith had missed me. No matter what she was hiding, all the complication, in that instant all my doubts and fears all but evaporated. Meredith had missed me. "I'm glad," I said, genuinly.

She smiled at me, her eyes shining with happiness and then stepped back from the salad. "I think I've successfully tossed a salad."

I stopped what I was doing and walked over to peer into the bowl that she had just finished with. A perfectly normal looking salad looked back at me. "Ms. Grey, I must say, I am proud of you."

"You shouldn't say that until you've tasted it," she said. "And when will your part of the meal be done? I'm starving."

"Soon. And really, I didn't know a person you're size had the ability to starve," I told her, looking up and down at her tiny body, hugged tightly with her sweater and her jeans.

She slapped my arm gently, giggling. "You're terrible," she said, before kissing me lightly on the lips. "Give me a preview of the amazing dinner?"

"No, Meredith. I do believe you need to learn some patience," I told her, gently guiding her away from the kitchen area.

She pouted for a second and then sat down in front of the table, taking another sip of wine. "Wine, dinner, and candles?" she said. "Derek, you're trying to seduce me."

She pouted for a second and then sat down in front of the table, taking another sip of wine. "Wine, dinner, and candles?" she said. "Derek, you're trying to seduce me."

"Maybe," she admitted quietly. "I just, I mean, slow. We're taking this slow."

"I can take it slow. I can take it incredibly slow," I told her, lowering my voice to a husky tone. Silently impressed with myself that I had finally managed to pull off something that sounded good.

"Oh," she somehow managed to stammer on one word and suddenly she was standing again, and coming very close to me. "Derek," she murmured, her voice sounding surprisingly breathless.

"Mer?" I said, my voice barely coming out as she moved closer to me, scarcely wanting to believe that she might be finally warming up to me, to us.

It was as if the same realization had come into her mind, that she was beginning to let her guard down. Because suddenly, she stepped away from me, wringing her hands. "Dinner," she reminded me. "Dinner. We need to eat dinner. And um, talk. Yeah, talk. And...stuff."

I laughed gently, wanting to tell her to stop being afraid of whatever it was that was going on between us. Wanting to tell her that I was falling in love and there was nothing scary about it. Instead I just nodded. "It should be ready."

"Good," she said, turning to sit down again. She was quiet, and I noticed the panicky look coming into her eyes again. What had I done to bring about the look? It was obvious we were attracted to each other, hell, we had already almost had sex in an elevator. Why was she so against letting her guard down?

I walked over to her, kneeling down and gently brushing her hair out of her eyes. "I wish I knew why you're so scared, Mer. I know...I know... we're taking this slow. But just remember to breathe. I'm not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you."

She looked at me, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she murmured

"Oh, Mer," I said, pulling her into my arms. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She buried her head into my chest and said something, something that was muffled by my shirt. But before I could ask her what she had said, she pulled away gently, wiping her eyes. "I'm okay."

"You're okay," I said nodding and standing back up. "Supper. Be prepared to be amazed."

She laughed. "You're really confident, aren't you?"

"Just hiding my pain," I told her, as I placed a plate in front of her. "But really, I'm a good cook."

She picked up her fork and started to twist the pasta around it. "Promise?" she asked, the fork almost touching her mouth now.

I stared at her mouth, her lips and found myself wishing I was the fork, which was quite possibly the most absurd thought that had ever crossed my brain. "Promise," I told her smiling, "I'm not just a pretty face."

She put the fork in her mouth, and then slowly pulled it out, moaning a little. "This is good," she said, her mouth full. "Really good."

"Told you," I said, quickly grabbing a sip of my wine as I tried to keep my heart rate down, my breathing normal. Watching Meredith enjoy the pasta, moaning slightly at the taste had me wanting to cross the table and rip her clothes off. To find out what the sauce tasted like on her lips. Slow, Derek, slow.

"How's my salad?" she asked from across the table, her eyes twinkling. She had a bit of sauce on the corner of her lips, and it was taking every ounce of me not to lean forward and kiss it off.

"Good, it's good," I said, trying my best to concentrate on the food. "You might have some talent afterall.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concern suddenly tinging her voice. "You look a little flushed."

"Yeah, umm...I'm fine. I'm good. It's just you...you...it's nothing," I said, stumbling over my words, sounding so much like Meredith that it frightened me. Third date and I was already sounding like her. Not that anyone could blame me, considering the state I was in.

"What?" she asked. "Do I have something on my face? Derek, seriously, what is it?"

"Well there is some sauce right here," I said, and despite my better judgement, leaning over and quickly kissing it off.

But instead of pulling away, I found myself kissing her harder, my tongue enjoying the mixed taste of pasta and well, Meredith. She moaned into my mouth a little and then pulled away slightly, her green eyes dark. "Take me for a ride, Derek," she giggled.

Everything in my stopped. I stopped kissing her, I stopped exploring her body with my hands. I just stopped. "Seriously?"

"Unless you would rather finish dinner," she smirked.

"Definitely not," I said. Without another word, I pulled her out of the chair, holding her body close to mine, as she wrapped her legs around me. My tongue delved into her mouth again as I stumbled towards the back of the trailer to where the bed was. I had never been so grateful for the trailer. Having your bed in the same room as your kitchen had it's benefits.

I kissed her urgently as I lowered her onto the bed, her legs unwrapping themselves as she deftly lifted my shirt over my head, stopping me from kissing her for only a second, but then moving from her lips down to her neck as I moved my hands down to the edge of her sweater, slowly raising it as I littered kisses up and down her neck.

She moaned slightly as the shirt slipped over her head and my lips found the tops of her breasts, gently licking and teasing them with my teeth. As her fingers struggled to undo my belt I unhooked her bra, quickly pulling it out of the way. My mouth found her nipples, teasing them gently, bringing them into my mouth. Her hands forgot about my stubborn belt and wound themselves into my hair, pulling my head even closer to her chest.

Her moans were enough to make me come right then and there, but I continued my tease of her nipples, enjoying her writhing underneath me in the bed. I pulled away for a second, panting slightly and she looked up at me, desire filling her eyes. She brought her hands up again and helped me undo my belt, both of our hands shaking as she did undid my pants. "Jesus, Mer," I moaned as I began undoing her jeans as well.

My mouth found her again as we both struggled to push our pants down and out of the way. Her body shook gently against mine. Or maybe that was me. This was...my pants now out of the way her hand grabbed me gently, stroking slowly and making all rational thought come to a dead halt. "Derek..." she moaned softly into my mouth.

I moaned in reply as my mind became blissfully blank. "Shit," I moaned as I swiftly pulled her underwear off. I vaguely heard her mention a condom and I rolled away from her to my bedside table, pulling one out and handing it to her. She expertly rolled it on, her touch causing me yet again to moan in ecstasy. She pulled my head down, kissing me hard as she stroked again, my body actually hurting from the need to be inside her. I pushed her harded into the bed, pressing my lips bruisingly against hers, feeling her body shake with the need that my body was pulsing with. I prepared to enter her. Slow, Derek. Slow. And then a phone rang. "Fuck," I muttered under my breath.

She stopped and pushed me off of her, getting up off the bed and walking to where her jeans lay, pulling her ringing cell phone out of her pocket. She stared at the display for a moment and then turned to me. "I'm sorry," she said breathlessly. "I have to take this."

"It's okay," I told her, rolling over in the bed, trying my best not to groan as I looked at her standing there naked. Her lips were swollen from our kisses, her body hummed with desire. And she had to take this phone call. I couldn't think of anything more important than what we were about to do, but decided to keep the complaints to myself.

"Hello?" she sighed as she flipped open her phone, apparently annoyed with the person. "What? No. No. Because it's your----I understand that but you can't keep----what? No. Because I'm out. You can't do this, not again. What? No, don't----okay. Yes. Yes. I'll be there in twenty minutes." She slammed the phone shut and then turned to look at me, pity and anger mixing. "Derek, I'm sorry. I, uh, have to go."

"You have to go?" I said disbelieving. She was standing in my trailer, naked and she had to go.

"Yes," she sighed, pulling on her underwear and jeans. "I don't want to but, I have to. Something, well, something has..." She trailed off as she struggled with her bra.

"Mer, are you ever going to tell me? Let me in?" I asked her gently. I didn't want to make her feel guilty, I didn't want to make her feel worse than she already did. But we had been about to have sex, and now she was leaving. I wanted in, I wanted to know.

She turned to me, tears immediately replacing the anger and desire in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said again. "You have no idea how sorry."

immediately felt like an ass. I jumped out of the bed, and ignoring the fact I was still naked and hard pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head. "I know, Mer. I know. Just remember, you're not alone anymore. When you're ready to talk, to tell me, I'm here."

"I, I," she looked at me, her mouth moving soundlessly and then, "I can't. I just can't. And I have to go. I have to go now. And I'm sorry. I'll call you."

I watched her rush out the door and sunk down to my bed, completely forgetting my desire of only minutes before. I loved her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life time loving her. She was the one. But god, she needed to let me in. She couldn't keep running away, she couldn't keep pulling back. She obviously needed someone, and I had to be that someone. I needed to be that someone.

_"We could end up making love instead of misery."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: You may now know, we write this as a complete team thing, it's all about the writing team thing. We can do writing team. We could so own Grey's Anatomy. But we don't.**

Sunday. The day after Meredith had left me in my trailer, completely naked. It was Sunday and here I was, getting ready for another Shepherd family dinner. I wanted to be at this dinner about as much as I imagined I would want a root canal. Actually, a root canal sounded a little more appealing than dealing with my family today. At least root canals came with drugs. My family, however, did not. Usually I loved my family, my huge insane family. These dinners were something to look forward to, to cherish. But usually I hadn't been left naked the night before, shaking with desire and finding myself in an empty bed. Right now I wanted to hate Meredith, I wanted to yell and scream and kick. God, I wanted to hate her. Okay, maybe not. Maybe I just wanted to finish what we had started.

I walked into the house and immediately found myself being attacked by my mother. "Derek, honey, you're late. Are you all right? You look exhausted. Have you been sleeping? How's Meredith?"

No, mom, I hadn't slept at all the night before because I had been too busy rolling around in my bed thinking about the rolling I had been doing earlier with Meredith, who by the way is probably a lot better than I am right now, ran through my head. "I'm fine, Mom. Meredith is fine. And yes I've been sleeping."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "And you look thinner. Much thinner. You're not eating. I swear, you're just like your father. The job takes over everything else."

"Mom, I'm fine. Stop worrying!" I snapped at her. Which was wrong, and I knew it was wrong. But after the night I had had last night the last thing I needed was my mom clucking over every tiny detail of my life.

She paused for a moment, her eyes beginning to fill with tears and she looked away, immediately walking back towards the kitchen, where I could hear my sisters and Mark laughing. "I'm sorry," she said as she walked. "I just worry about you, Derek."

"Mom...Mom...I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I'm sorry," I pleaded with her, following her back into the kitchen. I loved my mom, I loved that she worried. "I had a long night last night...I'm sorry."

"Long night?" Mark had just caught the last part of the conversation and of course his mind had to go straight to the dirty. "Are you finally banging the pediatrician, Shep?"

"I don't think that's any of your business," I angrily told him, my eyes narrowing in his direction.

"Derek!" my mother admonished. "What is the matter with you today?"

"Nothing Mom. It's nothing," I said, running my hands through my hair as I walked towards the fridge, intent on grabbing a beer. God, I needed a beer.

"Oh," Mark laughed. "Someone's been blueballed."

I popped open my beer and openly glared at Mark. His womanizing ways were a constant source of amusement, but sometimes they made him too smart for his own good. Or mine. "Shut up," I told him grudgingly.

"Oh, poor Derek," Nancy giggled as Mark laughed. "Life with Meredith isn't sunshine and rainbows?"

"It's none of your business what life with Meredith is or isn't," I snapped again. I knew I wasn't being fair, they weren't doing anything to ask for my behaviour. But today I couldn't delve into what Meredith and I were. Not today, not after last night.

"What are you two talking about?" my mother asked, bringing about a round of giggles from all four of my sisters, and a smirk from Mark. At that moment, I hated them all. Maybe not hated. But strongly disliked. Especially Mark. My feelings for Mark were heading towards hate.

"Nothing Mom, it's nothing," I told her, giving her a quick kiss in hopes of taking her mind off of it all.

"Aww, don't feel bad, Shep," Mark laughed as he threw his arm around my shoulder. "It happens to the best of us. Well, not me. No girl leaves me hanging. But it happens to other guys."

"She had to go, she didn't leave me hanging. She had to go," I tried to argue. I know the excuse seemed lame, but I couldn't make this sound like Meredith was the awful tease who left guys with blue balls. Even if she was.

"While you two were screwing she just suddenly got up and left?" Mark raised his eyebrows at me. "Sounds like a cock tease to me."

"It wasn't her fault. Something came up, there was a phone call, she had to go," I argued with Mark. Hell, where was these arguments even coming from? What Mark was saying had been running through my head since last night, and now I was arguing against it.

"I'm sorry, man, but any girl who just gets up and leaves during sex is a bitch," Mark shrugged. "Not worth your time, man. Move on."

No longer heading towards hate, I hated Mark. My best friend since childhood, the man that was practically my brother. I hated him. "Don't you dare talk about Meredith like that! Don't you dare!"

"I'm just speaking the truth," he shot back. "You're a mess, Derek. She's not worth it. No cock tease is worth the mess."

My hands clenched into fists by my side as I fought the urge to punch him. "If you want to continue this friendship you might rethink what's coming out of your mouth," I told him honestly.

"You've got to be kidding me," he laughed, looking at me with humor in his eyes. "Putting a girl first? What the hell has she done to you?"

"She's not just a girl Mark, she's the girl. That's what she's done to me. So if I have to wait, if I have to put up with some phone calls pulling her away, you're damned sure she's worth it," I yelled at him, wanting to wipe the smirk of his face.

"Derek!" my mother finally intervened as she stepped between the two of us. My mom was short, tiny, even, but the way she looked now put the fear of god into me. "Mark! Both of you, stop it, immediately!"

"Mom, you know how I feel about Meredith, and Mark...Mark...Mark..." I sputtered over the words, still far too angry to finish a complete rational thought.

"Mark is just being Mark," she stated calmly. "But I don't need temper tantrums from you, Derek. And, Mark, I would suggest watching your language in my kitchen."

"I just...I just..." I walked away from Mark, plopping myself down onto a chair closer to my sister, who were all starting at me. "Mom, it's Meredith, my Meredith. I...she drives me crazy."

"I know," she nodded sympathetically. "But, Derek, that doesn't mean you need to raise your voice. Now, I want the two of you to apologize to each other."

"He started it," I said, pouting. God, since I had met Meredith I sounded more like a five year old than I had since I was...well a five year old.

She turned to Mark and gave him a pleading look. "Mark, would you apologize to my son who has apparently regressed back into his terrible twos?"

I shot Mark a warning look. For my best friend he sure wasn't acting like it. "Sorry," he muttered under his breath, sounding entirely unsorry. Mark was an ass. A huge total utter ass. Even if I had been maybe a little testy today, Mark was an ass. He also was my best friend.

My mother sighed and turned to me. "Derek?"

"Sorry Mark," I told him. "You're still an ass though."

"Yeah, and you're whipped," he winked at me. "Totally whipped."

"Jealous?" I asked him, our usual banter returning.

"Of your romance with a pediatrician?" he rolled his eyes. "I've got my nurses. You should be jealous."

"That's sex Mark. That's not romance," I told him. Meredith and I were on an entirely different level, which probably had something to do with the lack of sex.

"Love is for losers," he grunted. "And as it is, I'm getting more sex than you right now. I'm pretty sure I'm the man around here."

"Mark, you get more sex than some porn stars," I said, laughing.

"Okay, okay," my mother sighed dramatically. "That's enough lewdness for today. Derek, it's good to see you laughing. Do you think you can be nice enough to have dinner with your family?"

"Fine," I told my mom. If she knew what had really happened last night, she'd be a little more sympathetic, you'd think. The love of my life had been finally opening up to me, even if it was just her legs, and one phone call snapped them and her closed again. I deserved a little sympathy.

"Good," she nodded and kissed me on the cheek. "Girls, could you help me carry the food into the dining room?" My sisters all got up and followed Mom into the dining room, each giving me a wary glance as they passed by.

As soon as the room was clear I turned around and glared at Mark again. "I hate you."

"No you don't," he laughed. "You love me. I'm completely lovable."

"Keep telling yourself that when you're 50 and you've lost your looks and your bed is cold. I'll have Meredith," I told him.

"I'll never lose my looks," he stated. "I'll always be the better looking of the two of us. And girls will always fall over themselves to sleep with the great Mark Sloan."

"Wait and see, you'll get lonely," I said, starting to walk towards the dining room myself. "And I will still have my Meredith."

"Derek," he said, the tone of his voice suddenly changing from humor to seriousness.

"Yeah?" I said, stopping where I was and turning around to look at him. It was odd to hear the great Mark Sloan serious.

"I'm happy for you," he said, carefully. This was definitely odd. I had apparently entered the twilight zone.

"Ummm...okay. Thanks," I told him, shrugging.

"Yeah," he laughed. "We should, probably go in there. And forget about this. I must have hit my head too hard on the headboard last night."

"Over sharing, Mark, over sharing," I told him laughing and going to find the rest of our family. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: We have officially put the prom scene to shame. This is why we should own the show, unless Shonda can successfully give us even hotter Mer/Der sex.**

I ran my hands through my hair and looked around the trailer, hoping to god that it looked presentable. It had been a crazy week at the hospital and I was starting to regret inviting Meredith here for supper again. I don't even know how we had decided on the trailer again. That was a lie, that was a dirty lie. I knew exactly why I had suggested the trailer again, I thought as I looked over at my freshly made bed. I was hoping tonight would be different from our third date. Meredith had already sworn that she was going to leave her cell phone in the car, and I was hoping she kept that promise. I walked over to the bed and stared at it, smiling slightly as I remembered what had happened there just a week ago, and then frowning as I remembered how the night had ended. Tonight had to go well. It had to.

Car lights flooded my yard and I rubbed my hands together in anticipation. Tonight had to be perfect. I had made lamb, and desert. I had slaved over the meal. Men did not slave over meals only to be left naked, again. Tonight would be perfect. And it wasn't even that the sex mattered, just Meredith, just being close to Meredith.

She got out of her car, this time clad in jeans and a black button down shirt and then opened the back door, pulling out a foil covered baking pan. She turned and walked toward me, an extremely awkward silence building as she came closer to me. Finally, she was in front of me, and we just stared at each other. It was, quite possibly, the most awkward moment of my entire life. Including the time Mark stole my underwear at summer camp.

'What's that?" I finally asked breaking up the awkward silence and pointing to the dish in her hands.

"Oh, um, cupcakes," she held them a little higher. "I, uh, made them. Today. Right."

"The girl that less than a week ago couldn't toss a salad made cupcakes?" I asked her, terrified at what mess I might actually find under the foil.

She looked at me for a moment, and my mind raced, wondering if I had hurt her feelings. What the hell was the matter with us? We bantered, we didn't have awkward moments. And then she giggled. "Okay, fine," she sighed. "Izzie made them. She makes cupcakes and she made them. Said guys like women who bake, and she told me to tell you I made them."

I laughed and gently brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Leaning over I grabbed the tray and quickly kissed her all in one smooth motion. "You can't bake at all, Mer. But I still like you."

"Really?" she asked. "Even after, well, even after, you know, last week?"

"Of course," I told her confidently. "But you left that damn phone in the car tonight, right?"

She giggled again and put her arm through my bent one. "Yes," she assured me. "It's in the car. Off. There will be no interruptions tonight, I can guarantee you that."

"I definitely like you tonight," I told her swirling her around so she was in my arms. I leaned okay and kissed her, hard and passionate.

She kissed me back, almost desperately, her tongue battling my own for power. When we finally pulled apart, we were both gasping for breath. "I like you too."

"Good," I told her smiling. "So...ummm...supper. Supper will be ready soonish."

"Soonish?" she giggled.

"Soonish. It's a word," I argued with her.

"Really?" she said, a mock doubting tone coming into her voice. "Not one that I've ever heard."

"You've obviously been hanging around the wrong people then. Don't worry, I plan on remedying that," I told her, trying to make myself sound serious.

"Of course you will, Dr. Shepherd," she nodded, rolling her eyes. "Now, what treat have you made for me this time? And do you think we'll get to finish it?"

"A rack of lamb, potatoes and well...carrots. And I'm not quite sure I even want to start it," I laughed at the truth of my statement. Right now my eyes were on two things, Meredith and the bed behind her.

"I'm famished," she said, her eyes daring me to say anything else. "And for a lot more than food."

"Really?" I asked trying to keep the eagerness out of my voice. "Because I've recently discovered the most convenient thing about living in a trailer is that there's always a bed nearby."

She laughed and kissed me, her fingers finding their way into my hair. Before I could deepn the kiss, she pulled away. "Food, first," she said softly. And then I saw it again. That panicked look. How was that she could go from confident seductress to scared girlfriend? "It smells wonderful."

I didn't want food, I definitely didn't want food. But I was giving her this. For now. "Of course it smells wonderful. I made it," I said lauging and walking towards the over to take it out.

She sat down at the table and didn't say anything and I noticed she was wringing her hands as I served her. "Thank you," she murmured softly as I poured a glass of wine.

"Mer, relax, it's just me," I said, sitting down on my side of the table and smiling warmly at her.

"I know," she sighed. "And I'm happy to be here. So happy."

"I'm happy to have you here," I laughed. "Now eat your meal so you can praise me properly."

She laughed and took a bite of lamb, again letting that little moan out, the moan that had gotten us to the bed just a week ago. "Oh, Derek," she moaned. "It's amazing. Your mother should be proud."

"Thank you, she is," I told her taking a sip of my wine. "So how was your week?"

"Good," she nodded. "Not many sick kids, which is good. But that will change once flu season starts. How was yours?"

"Long. I had absolutely no note-worthy surgeries. And your friend is starting to follow me with her eyes everywhere I go," I laughed.

"Cristina?" she laughed. "I told her to leave you alone. She hasn't said anything to you, has she?"

"Not yet, but I think her looks alone are enough to scare me," I said.

She giggled as she sipped at her wine. "She tells me the nurses are all madly in love with you. Should I be worried?"

I laughed. "No Mer, giggling nurses have never really attracted me. I'm a much bigger fan of giggling pediatrician assistances."

She blushed at that and then took another bite at her lamb. "I wish I could cook like this."

"I can teach you if you want," I offered, thinking of how much more fun cooking would be with Meredith by my side. Although I wasn't sure how many lessons would actually take place, it would be fun.

"I don't know," she said slowly. "Izzie has tried to teach me numerous times. We usually end up very angry at each other."

"I have ways of making it fun that Izzie couldn't even imagine," I flirted, raising my eyebrows at her.

"Oh, and what exactly did you have in mind, Dr. Shepherd?" she flirted, saying my name in an extremely erotic way that sent shivers up and down my spine.

"It's secret, Ms. Grey," I whispered, leaning over the table slightly.

"When do you think I could get my first lesson," she murmured, and I suddenly felt her foot rubbing my leg, lifting my pant leg slightly. I wasn't sure when she had taken off her shoes, but frankly, I didn't care as she continued to move her foot further up my leg.

I dropped my fork on my plate, my appetite for anything but her completely forgotten. "Now," I said, my voice sounded husky. "Now would be good."

She suddenly stood up and walked over to the foil covered baking pan, taking the foil off and breaking apart a cupcake, walking over to me, situating herself on my lap. "You know what I read about chocolate today?" she asked.

"What did you read about chocolate today?" I asked, my voice sounding choked. I wondered where my shy nervous Meredith had gone, but it didn't matter. This Meredith felt good sitting on my lap.

"I heard about it was an aphrodisiac," she murmured as she took a bite of a cupcake. "Would you like some?"

"Mer, I don't think I need an aphrodisiac right now," I choked out, shifting her around in my lap.

She giggled and took some of the icing off the cupcake and smeared a little on my lips with her finger. "Are you sure?" she murmured as she ducked forward, catching my lips with her own, her tongue swirling to get the icing.

I groaned slightly, allowing her tongue entrance into my mouth but she quickly pulled back, looking at the cupcake and frowning slighty at me. "Maybe you're right," I said, my voice coming from deep in my throat.

She offered the cupcake to me, and grabbed my finger, swirling it around the remaining icing and then sucking on my finger, swirling her tongue around the tip of my finger, and then down to the base. She moaned deeply as she looked at me, her eyes looking for my approval as she pulled my finger out of her mouth, and then kissing me deeply. I placed the cupcake on the table and stood up, grabbing her and carrying along with me. Not seperating my lips from hers I carried her to my bed, in a strange replay of the week before. Not watching where I was going I triped one something and we crashed onto the bed, our lips seperating at the impact and laughter errupting as I continued to hold her close. "No interruptions this time?"

"Definitely not," she breathed as she pulled my head down, her still chocolately tongue enticing me with every kiss.

I kissed her deeply, holding her as close to me as possible, only finally coming up for air. "God, you're beautiful," I muttered breathlessly, dipping my head down again to explore the column of her neck with my tongue.

She tipped her head back and arched her hips as I trailed kisses down her neck, occasionally stopping to suck at her neck. "Derek," she moaned.

I pulled back and found the hem of her shirt with my hands, smoothly pulling it over her head, exposing a lacy black bra. It was the last thing I would have expected her to be wearing. I surpressed a groan as my head fell back down, my tongue finding the spot where her neck and her shoulders met, the spot I knew caused shivers to run down her spine. She moaned again, this time her own hands finding my shirt, pulling it over my head and trailing kisses down my chest, until she reached my pants. I had avoided a belt this time, and she seemed grateful for that as her hands undid my jeans. "Condom," she reminded me breathlessly.

I rolled off of her quickly and pulled one from my drawer. In a second I was back on her, my hands clawing desperately at her jeans, the button being stubborn and unwilling to move. Finally it gave and I slipped her pants down slightly, grabbed her ass and pulled her closer to me.She gasped at the contact and caught my lips quickly, though I pulled away and pulled her hair, again exposing her neck as I used my free hand to fumble at her bra, letting it fall as she shrugged it off, her breasts against my chest. I leaned down and captured a nipple at my mouth, enjoying her moans. Her hands tangled themselves into my curls as she wiggled out of her pants, gasping as I lightly bit down on her nipple. "Mer," I breathed as she found herself naked beneath me.

She looked at me for a moment, her eyes dark with desire, her entire body pulsing beneath mine. She pulled down my boxer shorts, and I kicked them to the floor, poised above her. She rolled the condom on, her gentle touch causing me to gasp. "Take me, Derek," she murmured in my ear.

"Gladly," I muttered, leaning down and meeting my lips gently with hers as I thrusted into her. My breath hitched in my throat as she fit around me and moaned gently into my mouth. I slowly moved into her as her hands clawed desperately at my shoulders. "Meredith," I muttered.

"Derek, oh," she whimpered with each thrust, her hands pushing down on my back, making me thrust deeper into her. "Derek. Oh god."

"Meredith," I groaned, biting my lip. This was...amazing. I had to concentrate on not finishing yet, on pleasuring her, because god, this felt good.

She continued to claw at me with each thrust, her entire body humming with an anticipated orgasm. I could feel my own orgasm coming, but I needed to stay in her, I needed to stay like this. "Der, Derek," she practically cried, her arms bringing me further into her. This had never felt so good. Never. In all my forty years, this had never felt this good.

"God, Mer," I grunted as I felt a tremor run throught her body pressed so closely to mine. Her eyes flew open as her body tightened around me, the orgasm taking control of her, small noises came through her partially parted lips.

"Derek," she cried out loudly as the orgasm came over her. "Oh god. Derek." She continued to make noises as her body tightened and then relaxed. "Derek. Oh God."

Seconds later I felt my own orgasm coming and didn't bother to hold it back. "Meredith..." I whispered quietly as my body released in her gently quivering body underneath me. "Meredith," I whispered again, collapsing further onto her and not moving from my spot. For the first time in 40 years I understood why the French refered to an orgasm as a small death.

We lay there for a moment, our breaths still coming in small pants, our bodies still damp with sweat. "Wow," she finally breathed. "Remind me to thank Izzie."

"Izzie? I was the one that did all the work!" I complained to her, my voice sounding breathless and awestruck.

"Yeah," she giggled, her breath catching in her throat. "And you did wonderful work, really. But Izzie made the cupcakes."

"How good that was...that had nothing to do with the cupcakes," I laughed, pulling her close to me.

"I don't know, I thought the chocolate frosting helped a little," she smiled as she cuddled into my chest. She fit perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. No one had ever fit into my arms the way Meredith did. She fit everywhere in my life.

_And you feel like no one before._


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer; If we owned Grey's Anatomy, we could hang out with Patrick Dempsey in his trailer, going over "lines". But since we don't, we're here with an update instead.**

The sun was shining brightly when I woke the next morning, Meredith still in my arms. I had just gotten the best night of sleep I had ever had, and I was still very much in awe of the beautiful creature sleeping in my arms. I never wanted to let her go, ever. I could spend the rest of my life in bed with her, holding her, sleeping with her, making love to her. She made my life incredible.

She let out a small adorable snort as she shifted in my arms, coming awake slowly. Her beautiful eyes met mine and we just looked at each other, taking each other in. She looked so beautiful in the morning, so alive and awake. She made me feel alive and awake. I just looked at her. I couldn't remember the last time waking up had felt this good. I was done, she was it. I was entirely completely done.

"Morning," she murmured as she stretched her body, closing her green eyes before opening them, and then cuddled closer into my chest.

"Morning," I echoed, holding her close and quickly kissing her lips. "Sleep well?"

"Wonderful," she grinned. "You?"

"Best sleep I've ever had," I told her, smiling at her smile. "I like waking up beside you."

"You're not so bad yourself," she replied, kissing me quickly. "Though, you do have some stubble you should probably take care of."

"So the lady has complaints," I told her laughing, my hands running up and down her back. God, she was perfect.

"I'm just saying," she giggled. "You're so warm."

"Feel free to cuddle right in," I told her laughing as she did just that.

We laid there for a few minutes, not saying a word. I played with her hair, twirling it around my fingers as she dozed against my chest. This was incredibly perfect. Incredibly wonderful. She was amazing. "What are you doing today?" she murmured.

"Hmmm, day off. You?" I responded, running my nose over her hair, taking in the floral smell. I had to remember to ask her what it was.

She shrugged. "Nothing until later. I have a thing. Later."

"I can make us breakfast if you want," I offered. Honestly I didn't want to move from this spot all day. I wanted to lay here, holding my Meredith and basking in the glow of last night. But a good boyfriend cooked breakfast the morning after.

"Would we actually get to eat it?" she giggled. "Because everytime you cook, we end up in bed together. And I'm actually really hungry."

"We can eat it," I told her, brushing my lips over hers. "As long as we can end up in bed after breakfast."

She deepened the kiss for a moment and then pulled away. "Definitely," she murmured into my mouth.

"Hmmm..." I moaned pulling her close again. "I do love having you in my bed."

"I love being in your bed," she kissed me again. "But I do want coffee. I'm not human until I've had coffee."

"You'll get your coffee," I told her laughing and kissing her quickly as I finally sat up. I looked at her, her hair spiraling around her head, her face more relaxed than ever before. She looked perfect, beautiful. She looked like she was mine. "Meredith..." I whispered quietly, staring down at her softly.

"Yeah?" she whispered back as she cuddled further into bed, the sheets somehow managing to outline her figure perfectly.

It was too soon, far too soon. This was our first date, she wasn't even my official girlfriend yet. I couldn't say it, not yet. But god, I felt it. And part of me needed to say it, even if it was soonish. I needed to say it. "I love you," I finally whispered gently.

"What?" her eyes flew open and she sat up, almost too quickly. "What did you say?"

The panic had returned to her eyes, the panic that had disappeared last night. I regretted my words. It was too soon. But I couldn't take them back, I couldn't pretend to not be madly in love with the tiny woman in my bed. "I love you," I said again, my voice louder, more confident.

"No," she shook her head, getting out of the bed, holding the sheet close to her body as she began gathering her clothes. "You can't love me. You don't know me. You don't know anything about me and Derek, Derek, no. You don't love me. You can't love me. And no." She pulled her clothes on quickly, her hands shaking. "This isn't happening. You don't love me. You can't. No. No. I have to go."

"Meredith," I said reaching out and trying to grab for her. "Mer, don't go. I'm sorry, I know it's to soon. I'm sorry. Just don't go," I tried to stop her. I wanted to reassure her, pull her into my arms and letting her know that I loved her, and that I did know her. But for some reason, I knew that wasn't going to work.

"No," she said as she started towards the door. "Derek, we can't do this. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. But we can't. You can't fall in love with me. I'm sorry." She opened the door and ran out towards her car before I could stop her.

What was she talking about? We couldn't do this? We had to do this, not doing this was just not an option. I loved her, she was it for me. I was stupid for saying anything, being in love with her was one thing. I didn't need to say it. And now she had ran, again. After the greatest night of my life, she had ran away. I didn't know what it was, I still didn't know what it was that kept her running.

I went into the kitchen area of my trailer and stared at empty coffee machine in front of me. How had this happened? The night had been perfect. The morning had been perfect. Why had I opened my mouth? Why hadn't I just left it alone? Was I reading more into this relationship than Meredith? She was right, I didn't know her, but in so many ways, I did. And those ways made up for my lack of knowledge in the other areas.

I paced around the trailer. The pacing thing drove my entire family nuts, the pacing and the shuffling. I was trying to break the habit, I was, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself. Now was definitely one of those times. Meredith had ran, completely ran, because I hadn't bothered to keep my mouth shut. I should have waited, waited till I knew more, waited till she had really opened up to me.

I ran my fingers through my hair, breathing deeply as I continued pacing. I had really fucked up. Badly. And all I could think was I should have known better. And I should have. She had been hurt. She wanted us to take this slow and I had just told her I loved her after our first time having sex. What the hell was the matter with me? I had just lost the woman who was it for me.

I couldn't loose her, I just couldn't. I knew if I lost her that I'd be alone for the rest of my life. There was no after Meredith, not for me. She might have ran now, but I had to run after her. There was no other option. I could...I didn't know where she lived. I knew where she worked but going there to chase her seemed wrong. I could talk to Cristina but she...she'd never say a thing to me.

And then suddenly, my eye caught something sitting on the floor, next to the chair Meredith had sat in the night before. Her purse. She had forgotten her purse. Which meant I could look at her driver's license, I could see where she lived. I opened it and immediately saw her license. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and jotted down the address before getting dressed. It was time to get my Meredith back.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Her house was exactly what I had expected, large but nothing overdone. Warm and welcoming. It was exactly what I had imagined. A little kids bike sat near the front of the driveway, must be one of the neighbours. I slowly approached the door, her purse in my hand, terrified that she'd see me and not answer. Or that she'd grab the purse and slam the door in my face.

I rang the doorbell and waited for a moment, peering in through the glass, wondering if she was even home. Suddenly, a blonde-haired little boy covered in paint came running to the door, a huge smile on his face. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place why. He stared at me for a second and then opened the door. "Hi!" he exclaimed.

"Hi," I said warmly, kneeling down to the little guy's height. He was adorable. I had no idea who he was but I warmed to him immediately. He smiled shyly at me. "What's your name?" I asked him.

"Dillon," he replied. "What's yours?"

"I'm Derek," I said, sticking out my hand for him to shake.

He looked at my hand for a second, and then looked up at me. "Are you a bad guy?" he asked, his voice deathly serious. "Because I'm not supposed to talk to bad guys."

"I'm not a bad guy," I said, laughing quietly at Dillon's innocence. "But I'm not sure your mommy would want you talking to me anyway."

"Why not?" he asked innocently.

"You don't know me," I told him, seriously. I had no idea whose child he was and what exactly he was doing at the house that was apparently Meredith's, but I'm used to being an uncle. And I knew if one of my young nephews and nieces were talking to a strange man, I'd be less than pleased.

"Yeah, I do," he nodded. "You're Derek!"

"And that's all you know, bud. That's not knowing me," I said laughing. I felt the urge to pull him into my arms and take him fishing.

"Do you want to come in and paint with me?" he asked. "Then I'll know you. You can be my friend. I'm sure my mommy will say it's okay. She'll make you waffles too!"

"Before I come in I should talk to your mom, to make sure it's okay," I told him. Whoever his mom was she could probably tell me where to find Meredith. And that's all I needed to know, even though painting with the little guy could be fun.

"Okay," he nodded and then turned. "Mommy! Can my friend Derek come in and paint with us?"

A woman came up behind him, looking at him sternly. I knew my sisters well enough to know she wasn't pleased with Dillon. I looked up to meet her face. Meredith. My Meredith. Wearing an old ratty pair of sweatpants and a tshirt, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail and paint splattered over the face and clothes. She had never looked more adorable.

"Dillon, what did Mommy say about answering the door for strangers?" she scolded him.

"Meredith," I greeted her, stretching up to my full length, resting my hand on Dillon's head.

And then she looked up at me, and her eyes widened in absolute panic. "D-Derek," she stammered. "What, what are you...I can explain...this. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" I asked her teasingly. "Sorry for running out on my this morning?"

Dillon looked back and forth, from me to Meredith, a confused look on his face. "Do you know him, Mommy?" he suddenly asked.

"Your mom is a friend of mine," I answered for her, terrified that her answer would be the last thing I wanted to hear.

"Dillon, honey," she turned to her son, "why don't you go upstairs? Mommy needs to talk to Derek."

Dillon looked at me, confusion masking his face but I nodded my head encouragingly and he turned and skipped up the steps, full of energy. I met Meredith face, she looked more terrified than ever before. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her it was okay, but knew she would just pull away. "You forgot your purse earlier," I told her, handing the purse to her.

"Oh," she breathed, taking it and holding it close to her chest, not saying anything else.

"Why didn't you tell me, Mer?" I asked gently, smiling at her.

She looked at me, her eyes filling with tears and panic. "Because men don't want baggage," she said quietly. "And they don't want to raise another man's child. Which I know sounds really ridiculous because it's not like you know, we've been dating for years and we're going to get married, but, I was afraid. The last guy I dated hated Dillon. Well, not hated. But didn't like him."

"Mer," I said gently, stepping into the house. "I love kids. You could have told me."

She shook her head. "I couldn't," she sighed. "Don't you get it? I have a kid. And he takes up all of my time and I didn't know if you'd be okay with him. And I didn't know if you'd want to be around him. I mean, you love kids that are related to you. But I didn't know if you'd love Dillon. And I didn't want him hurt. I didn't want him attached to Mommy's boyfriend only for you to hurt him."

"I get it, I do," I said nodding gently. "Is this why you kept running? Why you were so scared?"

She nodded desperately. "I couldn't be close to you. For you, it's fun and games. It's dating. For me, what I want doesn't matter."

Fun and games? Meredith thought that it was fun and games for me. Maybe when I had met her that night that had been the plan, but since the first date this hadn't been fun and games. "Meredith, this isn't fun and games for me. You aren't just another girl. And I want you, I want you and I want to know all of you. Baggage, children and all. Everything, Mer."

She giggled a little bit. "There's only one."

"Good to know," I told her laughing. "He's adorable, by the way."

She looked at me for a moment, sizing me up and then she started walking towards the back of the house. "Thank you."

"Thank you for what?" I asked, kicking off my shoes and starting to follow her, assuming that her thank you was invitation enough into her home. And really, into her life.

"For accepting him," she sighed as she stepped into a messy kitchen. "And for saying he's adorable. He's a handful."

"I'm sure he is," I laughed. "And Mer, he's part of your life. I have no choice but to accept him. I'm not going to repeat what I said earlier, but it still stands," I told her, walking towards her and pulling her into my arms.

_"I just love you for all the things you couldn't change though you've tried."_


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy every day would be Grey's day. As it is just tomorrow is...so happy Grey's eve!**

When I woke up this morning I had thought of quite a few ways today could have ended up. None of them ended with sharing dinner with Meredith and her son. Meredith was a mom. I hadn't expected it, it was the last thing I had expected, but I was happy. I had known something was keeping her from me, and had thought all kind of awful things. So a son, a son left me relieved. I could deal with a son

And Dillon Grey was adorable. He had spent most of dinner talking non stop about all of the things he loved to do, with Meredith every once in a while reminding him to eat his macaroni and cheese. And that was the other thing. I had spent my night eating macaroni and cheese. With Meredith and her son. It was the perfect evening, and I found myself thinking that this was the best date Meredith and I had ever been on.

She was smiling more, more relaxed and more at ease. She was just Meredith, no panicked looks, no nervous rambling. Just this beautiful gorgeous girl that I couldn't keep my eyes off of. Staring at her in front of her son was probably not right, but I couldn't help it. If at all possible I had fallen more in love with her than I had this morning.

I hadn't thought it possible until I watched her with her son. It was the first time I had ever seen her so relaxed. I remembered she had once said she wouldn't be a good mom, but she was honestly a great mom. A wonderful, beautiful mom. I was sure Mark had a term for moms you wanted to sleep with, and it probably wasn't a nice one, but Meredith was more than just the woman I wanted to have sex with, I wanted to love her forever.

"You know, Mer, for someone who doesn't kick you make a killer mac and cheese," I teased her, smiling slyly at Dillon.

Dillon laughed. "She makes good grilled cheese too," he told me. "But Aunt Izzie is the best cook ever."

"I've had the pleasure of having Aunt Izzie's cupcakes, and if they're any sample, she is quite good. Too bad her talents haven't rubbed off on your mom," I said laughing and winking at Meredith.

"I was going to give you some chocolate pudding," Meredith put a fake frown on her face, "but if you two keep it up, maybe I'll send you both straight to bed."

"Would you be accompanying me?" I whispered in her ear, leaning over to get the pepper that sat beside her.

"Derek!" she slapped my arm.

"Innocent question," I told her. "And you shouldn't hit me in front of your son."

"Yeah, Mommy," Dillon nodded, "Aunt Izzie says violence is never the answer."

"Yeah, Mom!" I told her.

She rolled her eyes. "And I thought I had only one six year old," she said. "And Dillon, tell Derek what your Aunt Cristina says about violence."

"I don't even want to imagine," I said, rolling my own eyes in Dillon's direction. "I work with your Aunt Cristina, and she's kind of scary."

He giggled. "Yeah she is. My daddy is a-scared of her."

Daddy. So there was a daddy somewhere in the picture, obviously not here, but somewhere. Somewhere close enough that he knows Cristina well enough to be afraid of her. I wanted to ask Meredith, but now wasn't the time. "She's not really a teddy bear."

Meredith laughed. "Cristina is the anti-teddy bear. Dillon, honey, are you done?"

"Yep," he said, nodding enthusisatically, jumping out of his chair.

"Why don't you go upstairs and get in your pjs and brush your teeth," she ordered in a way that sounded more like a suggestion than an order. "i'll be up in a second to tuck you in."

He nodded quickly and ran towards me, wrapping his arms around my legs. "Nice to meet you, bud," I told him, patting his tiny head.

"Nice meeting you too, friend Derek," he smiled. "You should come over tomorrow too. Aunt Izzie makes dinner tomorrow."

"I'll have to ask your mom if it's okay," I told him solemnly, hoping that Meredith would agree to have me come over. Now that I knew about Dillon, I wanted to know her friends, her family, I wanted to know it all.

"It will be," he said confidently. "And I can show you my legos. Do you like Legos?"

"I love Legos," I told him. Honestly, not that I'd admit that detail to Meredith.

"I made a space ship," he told me, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "Mommy, can I show Derek my space ship that Daddy bought me?"

Daddy, there was that word again. "Fine, but you need to get ready for bed right after," Meredith said, sighing in slight frustration.

He jumped up and took my hand. "Come on, Derek!" he exclaimed. "I built a spaceship!"

"Cool," I told him, trailing him up the stairs and sending a smile over my shoulder to Meredith.

He opened a door to the typical little boy's room, painted blue with a race car bed in the center of the room. He opened a door and pulled the Lego spaceship out of the closet. "See?" he grinned.

"That is one sharp space ship," I told him crouching down to look at it more closely. I wanted to ask him about his dad but knew it wasn't my place, at least not until I talked to Meredith about it. But there was another question I could ask. "Hey bud, has your dad ever taken you fishing?"

"Fishing?" he scrunched up his face. "Nope."

I laughed sightly at the look on his face, it was so much like one I had seen Meredith give me many times. "Do you want to go fishing sometime with me?"

He thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah! But I don't have a fishing pole."

"That's okay, bud, I can take care of that for you," I told him slightly ruffling his hair.

"Derek, really," Meredith jumped in, "you don't have to. Take him fishing or buy him a pole.'

"It's okay, I want to," I told her confidently. Dillon was part of Meredith's life and that made him part of mine.

"Derek, really," she said, shaking her head. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to, you know, do things like that."

"Dillon, I have to talk to your mom, how about you get ready for bed and come find us when you're done?" At his nod, I grabbed Meredith's hand and dragged her out of the room and into the hall, closing the door behind me. "Meredith, I know I don't have to do this. But you're part of my life now, and that makes Dillon part of it too."

"Derek, you don't have to try to prove to me that you like him," she stammered. "You don't have to, you know, get on my good side by taking him fishing. You don't have to do that."

Meredith was crazy. I loved her, but she was crazy. Some guy had obviously messed her up along the way, and that just seemed so wrong. "Meredith, I do like him. He's an amazing kid, you did a great job raising him. And the only good side I'm trying to get on is his, so he lets me keep dating his mom. Not that I don't want to be on your good side, but I'll work on that later tonight."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes and then sighed. "He does like you already."

"Good," I said smiling and gently rubbing Meredith's cheek. "I fully plan on asking him for his permission to date you on the fishing trip, so it's nice to know I already have a leg up."

Her expression softened at my words. "Derek, I know you want to do this, but---" Dillon's door opened behind us and he came out in Finding Nemo pajamas.

"Hey bud," I greeted him. "All ready for bed?"

"Yeah," he nodded, and then turned to Meredith. "Mommy, can I please go fishing with Derek? I've never been and Uncle George said he'd take me but he never does and I really want to go. Please, Mommy. Please? I'll be an extra good boy."

I turned around and gave Meredith a pleading look, hoping she'd give in. Hoping that she'd give me a chance to find out about the part of her life that I had accidentally discovered. "Please?" I asked.

She looked at the two of us, Dillon's puppy face and my pleading eyes and then sighed. "Fine, Dillon. You can go fishing with Derek."

I turned around giving the little guy five. Meredith was such a push over and it was going to be fun having a partner in crime. "So I guess I'll be seeing you later?" I said to him.

"Yep," he nodded and then hugged my legs. "Night, Derek. Night, Mommy."

I loved the leg hugging. It was so small and silly and nothing. But I loved it. After hugging Meredith he turned around and left the hall, running into his room and heading to bed. "And we need to talk," I whispered to Meredith.

"Yeah, I know," she sighed. "Just give me a minute to tuck him in. I'll be down in a minute. Feel free to pour yourself something to drink."

I headed downstairs, and took time exploring the ground level. There were pictures all over the place, of Meredith and Dillon smiling and laughing together. Many of them had her friends, her family in them. They looked happy, carefree, completely relaxed unlike many of the people I was used to being around. I wanted to be part of this, I wanted to be part of her life.

She came downstairs a couple minutes later and went into the kitchen, beckoning me to follow her. She started gathering the dishes, but stopped, looking at me. "You really are okay with him, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," I told her, shaking my head and going to help her with the dishes.

"Good," she nodded, smiling as I brought the plates to her at the sink. "But you still want to talk."

"Not about him, Mer. He's perfect," I told her. "More about the daddy situation, because from what I gather there is a daddy in the picture."

She nodded slowly. "There is."

"There is," I said, nodding slowly myself. "I'm not pushing, Mer. But Dillon is part of my life now, and I just, I want to know some details."

"Okay," she nodded, and then turned off the sink, heading towards the table. "His name is Lucas."

"Lucas," I didn't particularly like the name, but passed it off as jealousy. "Does he live in Seattle?"

"Yes," she nodded. "He lives about ten minutes from here. He gets Dillon every other weekend. Well, he's supposed to get Dillon every other weekend. Sometimes, it doesn't work out that way."

"Hence the strange phone calls and you running out," I said, things starting to come together.

"Yeah," she sighed. "He'll pick Dillon up and then something will come up."

"That can't be easy on you," I told her, gently placing my hand on her back and kissing her cheek.

"It's fine," she smiled. "Really. I understand. And he's a great daddy. He loves Dillon."

I nodded slightly, not sure if I wanted to believe the story of him loving her. I wasn't exactly what kind of great daddy stood up their kids on the weekend. But if Meredith thought so, I was going to go along with it. For now. "So what's your story? You and Lucas."

She sighed and got up. "Do you want a glass of wine?"

I nodded and gently laughed to myself. "No avoiding, Mer."

She poured us each a glass of wine and nodded. "No avoiding," she repeated and then sat down at the table. "Lucas and I dated in med school. We met at a party and started sleeping together, so I don't know if dating is the right word for it. But we were dating for six months when I found out I was pregnant."

"Which is when you dropped out of med school?" I asked her gently, sitting down beside her and holding her hand.

"Which is when you dropped out of med school?" I asked her gently, sitting down beside her and holding her hand.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I considered getting an abortion, I really did. I even went to the clinic. But when I got there, I just couldn't, I couldn't do it. I don't even know why. I just couldn't. And so I dropped out, because you can't go through four years of med school with a baby, and then be an intern with a five year old."

"You did what was best for you," I told her soothingly. This was by far the most she had openend up to me since the second we had met. And I was terrified she'd stop. This is the stuff I wanted to know, this was the stuff I needed to know.

"I did what was best for Dillon," she replied, taking a sip of her wine. "I could have done it. My mom was a resident when I was born. But, well, I wanted Dillon to turn out better than me."

I smiled gently at that. Meredith's life seemed to have been heartache after heartache. "I think you turned out just fine," I told her, rubbing her cheek slightly as she smiled. "So what happened with you and Lucas?"

Another sigh. I was obviously asking her the hard questions, but she had promised she wouldn't avoid. And she wasn't. "When I told him, he asked me to marry him. I completely freaked out. I didn't want to be married. I was twenty-four years old. Having a baby was one thing, but getting married? I couldn't do it. When I told him, he, uh, he dumped me. And that was it. He just...dumped me."

He dumped his pregnant girlfriend just because she didn't want to marry him. He dumped his beautiful wonderful girlfriend. Basically cemented my thoughts of the man, complete ass. "That's tough," I told her, not knowing what ele to offer as comfort.

She nodded, and I could tell she was holding back some tears. "I had my friends though. My family. They were all there when Dillon was born. George threw up. Cristina officially started calling him Bambi."

I laughed gently, feeling even more that I needed to meet these people that had been there when Meredith had needed them the most. "How did...how did Lucas end up in his life? If he just dumped you like that, how did he come back?"

She shrugged. "He came over one day and asked to see his son," she replied. "The minute he saw Dillon, he asked if he could be in his life. If he could be his daddy. When I moved out here to Seattle, he came two years later. Got a job here. He said he wanted to be close to Dillon."

"You didn't have to hide this all from me," I told her. I knew the subject had been covered but I suddenly felt the need to reassure her that I was here. That there was nothing she couldn't have told me.

She nodded carefully and squeezed my hand. "Thank you for not running today, Derek. There have been other guys who have."

"Jerks," I told her laughing. "I'm not going anywhere, Meredith. You know how I feel. And I'm here. No running."

She smiled softly and leaned over and kissed me. "I'm glad you're here, Derek."

"So am I," I said. "And what was this about you sending me to bed right after supper?" I asked, with the best wink I could pull off.

She laughed and got up, taking her wine glass to the sink. "Maybe another time, Dr. Shepherd," she smiled. "Maybe next weekend."

"Oh definitely next week, Ms. Grey," I said, walking up behind her and pulling her into my arms.

She turned and looked me in the eyes, her own eyes deathly serious. "He really likes you, Derek," she said carefully. "And I'm sure he'll actually love you after a while. You can't hurt him."

"Meredith," I said, matching her serious gaze with one of my own. "No one here is going to get hurt. I promise."

_These arms will never let you down, they're staying around._


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, every Thursday would be a national holiday. Happy Grey's Day!**

When I walk into my mom's house the next day, I feel like I'm on cloud nine. Or twenty. Because cloud nine seems like a pretty low cloud for the way I'm feeling. The night before had been amazing. Meredith had finally opened up to me, and we had sat on her couch watching TV until well after two in the morning, though we hadn't spent a lot of time watching. It was like high school, making out on the couch, with the worry of getting caught. 

Meredith was amazing, without her fears and her worries the night had just ran together so smoothly. She was just her, relaxed, happy and enjoying being around me. It had been my favourite night with her, by far. The sex the night before had been wonderful, but last night had been something else. I loved her, I wanted to spend the rest of my life making out with her on her couch, her son sleeping upstairs.

She had let me spend the night and the minute we had fallen into bed, I took her into my arms. Even I heard the small sigh she breathed, as if she felt safe. I knew the feeling. With Meredith in my arms, I felt like I had come home. Even when she woke me up at six in the morning with a kiss, asking me to leave before Dillon woke up, I felt completely at home.

I walked into the kitchen whistling. Today was different than last week. Today I wasn't even the same man as I had been last week. Last week I had thought I was falling in love with Meredith, now I knew. She was my family. Her and her son were my family. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy.

"Hey, someone got laid!" Mark was the first person to hear my whistling and he clapped me on the back, hard. "Glad to hear it, Shep. You seriously needed to relax."

"Mark, it's none of your business who got laid or not," I told him, pushing him away but laughing slightly.

"You definitely got laid," Mark repeated. "I'm so proud."

I rolled my eyes at him, laughing louder now. "You're shallow, Sloan."

"Derek!" my mother came in from the dining room, a smile on her face. "You're late. And you look exhausted. I thought you were off yesterday?"

"I was," I told her, hugging her and giving her a quick kiss. "Meredith kept me busy."

"Nice," Mark grinned. "Kept you up all night. Gotta love the girls with stamina. I didn't think you had it in you, Derek."

"Do you ever think of anything but sex?" I asked him.

"Of course," he nodded. "Sex and plastics. My two favorite things."

Mark was hopeless. He was completely and utterly hopeless. I turned my attention back to my mom. "I think I'm going to ask Mer over here for dinner sometime soon, if that's okay with you."

"Of course it's okay with me, honey," my mom smiled after shooting Mark a look and heading over to the oven. "I thought your date was Friday night though, not Saturday. Did she reschedule again?"

"No actually. When she left Friday she forgot her purse at my place, so I took it to her yesterday and ended up staying for supper," I shrugged.

"I'm glad to hear it's going so well," she smiled. "So tell me, what do we know about her now? She's been such a mystery to you. And you do look much happier than you did last week."

I took a deep breath. This morning before I had left I had told Meredith that I was going to tell my mom about her son, and after some adorable freaking out she had agreed that it was okay. I just didn't know how to say it. Simple was probably best. "She has a son."

"Oh man," Mark suddenly perked up. "You've got a MILF on your hands? I definitely underestimated you Shep."

"MILF?" my mom and I asked in unison.

"Mom I'd like to fuck," Mark grinned.

Mom rolled her eyes and swatted him with the towel that I'm quite certain she carried around just for the purpose of hitting Mark. I decided just to ignore, because Meredith was a MILF but it was so much more than that. "His name's Dillon."

"How old is he?" Mom asked, but not before shooting Mark yet another look.

"He's six and completely adorable," I told my mom, smiling at the memory of Dillon wrapping his arms around my legs.

She made one of those noises that women make whenever kids are mentioned. The "awww" sound. And her eyes were sparkling. "And where is Dillon's daddy?" she asked, though I could tell she was on the verge of bursting with happiness.

"He lives here too. He takes Dillon every second weekend," I explained, leaving out the fact he sometimes flaked on that one responsiblity.

"Good," Mom nodded. "Was Meredith married to him?"

"No," I said awkwardly, not really sure how my mother would take that news. She was modern enough, she was used to pre-marital sex, she had basically raised the man whore I called my best friend after all. But it was different when her son was dating the woman. "They dated in college."

"Oh," she bit her bottom lip and then nodded. "Well, when do I get to meet my new grandson?"

"He's not your grandson," I said, a silent yes popping into my head. Talk about moving fast, Shep, I chided myself. Meredith definitely wasn't ready for any of that talk. "And I'll have to check with Mer. She's starting to open up, but still...I have to check."

"Oh, he will be," she laughed. "Which means I now have six grandsons, nine nieces. This is so exciting. Tell me more about him, Derek. What is he like? Does he go to school?"

"He's great, Mom. He likes legos, and space ships and race cars. And he's outgoing and happy. Just perfect. He's never been fishing, so I'm going to do that with him sometime soon," I explained.

"Oh man," Mark shook his head. "Getting involved with the MILF's son, that's brilliant, Shep. She'll melt under you in bed if she thinks you like her kid."

I gave him a dirty look. Sometimes I questioned my intelligence in staying best friends with such an idiot. "I do like her kid, I love her kid."

"Sure you do," Mark winked. "So you still haven't done her?"

I sighed at his questioning. "Yes, I've done her. Are you happy?"

"Derek!" my mother gasped at my frankness. Mark, on the other hand was laughing. "Mark Jeremy Sloan, I suggest you stop it this minute. And Derek Michael Shepherd, there are much better ways of stating that."

I laughed gently. Nothing could annoy me, not today. Not when I was on cloud twenty. For the first time since I had met her I felt like Meredith was really and truly mine. And I couldn't wait to bring her and Dillon here. "I made love to her," I correct myself. "It was amazing. She's the one."

And while Mark made vomiting noises from his seat, my mother turned to me, tears filling her eyes. "Oh, Derek," she sighed as she hugged me. "Finally. My little boy is going to get married."

I smiled, knowing she spoke the truth. One day I was going to marry Meredith. There was no other way my life could end up, it wasn't an option. Not since last night. "Not anytime soon so stop planning it in your head," I warned her.

"Who's planning it?" she laughed as she pulled away. "I was just thinking, maybe something nice, back in New York. In the same church your father and I got married in. And Dillon can be the ring bearer, and Talulah can be the flower girl."

That did sound nice. For the future. If Meredith could hear this conversation that panicked look that had been absent last night would absolutely return. "Mom, four dates, we've been on four dates."

"Fine, fine," she sighed, waving her hand at me to stop. "I know, four dates isn't very much but----" She was cut off by a ringing cell phone. My ringing cell phone. Her eyes narrowed at me. "Derek Michael Shepherd."

"Sorry," I gulped, pulling the cell phone out of my pocket and smiling when I saw the number. "It's Meredith," I said in form of explanation. "Hello," I said, answering the phone.

"Derek?" Dillon's small voice answered me.

Dillon was calling me. A smile spread across my face. "Hey bud!"

"Hi!" he exclaimed. "Whatcha doin?"

"I'm at my mommy's," I explained, in a grave, sad voice.

"Oh," Dillon's voice fell a little. "So you aren't coming to dinner? Aunt Izzie made 'asanga. And chocolate chip cookies."

"Lasagna and chocolate chip cookies?" I asked him. I didn't want to say no. No part of me wanted to say no to this invitation. Had Meredith invited me that would be different, but this was Dillon. Dillon wanting me to be around. And I couldn't imagine letting the kid down. "Let me ask my mom if it's okay," I said to him, pulling the phone away from my face. "Mom...can I umm...skip family supper tonight?"

"What?" Mark stood. "I had to come when I had appendicitis, there's no way he's getting out of it for his MILF."

"It's not Meredith," I explained quickly, giving my mom my most charming smile. "It's Dillon."

And just as I knew it would, my mom's frown relaxed into a smile. "Well, if it's for Dillon..." she trailed and then nodded at me. "Just this once, Derek. But you ask Dillon if he'll come here next week for dinner."

"I promise to bring both of them," I said smiling. I turned back to the phone where I heard Dillon humming to himself on the other end. "Dillon...my mom said it's okay, so tell your mom I'll be there in a bit."

There was a silence for a minute and then, "It's a surprise for my mommy," he giggled. "Ssssh, don't tell her. I took her phone and I sounded out the names. My daddy says I'm a good reader."

I laughed heartily. It did seem too good to be true to believe Meredith had encouraged this. "You're a great reader. And I won't say a word, it's our secret for life or longer, okay bud?"

"Okay," he said. "For live or longer. I'll see you soon, Derek! I even setted the table for you!"

I laughed again. "Good job, bud. See you soon," I said hanging up the phone, a wide smile on my face. I had never planned on leaving Meredith, but had I her son would have changed my mind.

"I can't believe he gets to skip dinner for his MILF and her kid," Mark grumbled. "Thanks, Derek, once the Shepherd sisters get here I'll be drowning in estrogen."

"Poor Markie," I said, walking over to my mom and giving her a quick kiss. "Thanks Mom."

"No problem," she kissed me back. "Now go to Meredith and Dillon. At least promise to stop by sometime this week for a cup of coffee."

"I will, and I'll talk to Mer about supper next week," I promised. And I would. I wanted her here, amongst the craziness that was my life.

"Bye, asshole," Mark grumbled. "You owe me for this."

I just laughed and headed out the door, to see my other family. Or at least the people that I knew would one day be my family. Because my mom was right, I was going to marry Meredith one day. I knew it. And her son wanted me to come over for dinner, to the house where I belonged. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: There is proof that we don't own Grey's. Tonight's episode. We can't even begin to match that amazingness.**

Meredith was going to be less than happy about this plan, there was no way Meredith was going to like this plan. Me just randomly showing up at her house. I shouldn't have come, I should have stayed with my family instead of risking a fight with the girl that wasn't quite yet my girlfriend. But Dillon's voice had been too tempting. Meredith might still be having problems reaching out to me, but her son had none of the same fears.

I sighed as I pulled into her driveway, behind two other cars that I didn't recognize. This was probably a bad idea, and I was probably shooting myself in the foot. But Dillon Grey wanted me to come over to dinner. And I couldn't say no to him. I already loved him like he was my own son, and not seeing him just wasn't an option. I got out of my car and rang the doorbell, my hands shaking a little bit.

I wasn't sure who would come to the door. It looked like a crowded house, anyone could answer the door. Luckily the familiar blonde came walking around the corner. She looked beautiful today, relaxed and happy. She was wearing that Dartmouth shirt I loved so much. "Derek!" she blurted out, panic filling her eyes.

Before I had the chance to answer, Dillon came running towards the door, a little blond girl following closely behind him. "Derek!" he shouted as he lunged at me and wrapped his arms around my legs. "Hi!"

"Hey bud!" I exclaimed, reaching down and picking him up. "Did you save me some lasagna?" I asked him, weaking at Meredith.

"We haven't eaten yet," he promised me. "Mommy, Derek's here!"

"I hope you don't mind," I said rather sheepishly. "This one called with an offer I couldn't refuse."

She turned to Dillon, anger flashing in her eyes. "Dillon Grey, did you call Derek?"

Dillon nodded slightly and buried his face in my neck, looking for protection. "Mer, it's okay. I was happy to hear from him."

"But I, uh," she frowned slightly as she stammered, "I thought you were eating dinner with your family."

"Much to Mark's annoyance my mom let me out of family duty tonight," I told her smiling.

"Oh," she sighed. "Well, um, I guess, if you want, Izzie made lasagna."

"Dillon, how about you go grab me a seat?" I told him, setting him back onto the ground. "I have to talk to your mom for a minute." As I watched Dillon run off, I turned and smiled at Meredith. "I'm sorry, I knew I shouldn't have come. But I couldn't say no to him."

She smiled back at me, though the panicked look still flickered in her eyes. "It's fine," she sighed. "Really, it is. You haven't known him long enough to build defenses."

I leaned forward and brushed my lips against her, not a real kiss but something. "I kind of wanted to see his mother too," I whispered.

She blushed and leaned her forward against mine. "I wanted to see you too," she murmured.

"Good to know," I said, smiling. "You could have called."

She laughed a little. "Well, I was going to wait until after my family dinner died down," she said. "Because the gang's all here. Cristina, Izzie and Alex and their kids, and George."

"So I meet the family," I said, nodding seriously. Not that I didn't want to meet the family, but it was like meeting her real family. I was the boyfriend meeting the protective siblings, and that couldn't sit well in any man's stomach.

"Meredith," Cristina Yang came marching into the foyer, a frown on her face, "why the hell don't you have anything stronger in the house than wine?"

"Dr. Yang," I greeted her, before Meredith had a chance to answer.

"Dr. Shepherd," she sized me up and down. "What are you doing here?"

"Dillon invited me over for supper," I told her. My hand brushed against Meredith's, and I slipped my hand into her, giving it a tight squeeze. Although I wasn't sure who's benefit it was for, her's or mine.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes and then turned back to Meredith. "Seriously, Mer, I'm going to need something stronger than wine. Barbie and Dr. Evil Spawn are talking about spawning more children. And I may vomit."

"There's tequilla in the cupboard over the fridge but don't let the kids see you drinking it," Meredith said giggling slightly.

"Thank god," Cristina said and went back towards the kitchen, not even bothering to give me a second glance.

"Did she know we were dating?" I asked Meredith.

Meredith nodded. "Of course she does, she's my person."

"So let's go meet the rest of them," I told her, forcing a smile even though nerves bubbled in my stomach.

She smiled and squeezed my hand, and led me towards the kitchen, where I could hear many different voices speaking at once. I hear Dillon above them all, singing his ABCs. "Hey, guys," Meredith said as she stepped into the kitchen, waiting as everyone except Dillon settled down. "Dillon, honey, Mommy's trying to talk now." I laughed as Dillon finished and Mer said, "This is Derek. He's going to be, well, he's going to eat with us. Today. I guess."

"Hi everyone," I said, reaching my hand out to shake a man a vaguely recognized from the hospital. "Dr. Karev," I greeted him.

"Dr. Shepherd," he shook my hand once and then turned to Meredith, a question in his eyes.

"Umm..." Meredith, said her head whipping around to look at me nervously, her eyes filled with panic. "He's umm...we're ummm...he's a friend," she responded. I didn't mind the friend title right now. Whatever she felt comfortable with, because I knew what was really going on.

"He's mommy's friend and my friend!" Dillon said from his spot next to a shorter man with brown hair. "Aren't you, Derek?"

"Yeah, bud, I'm your friend," I told him with a smile.

"He's going to take me fishing, Uncle George," Dillon grinned as he turned to the man next to him. "He's gonna buy me a pole and everything!"

"I was supposed to take you fishing," the man I assumed was George answered with a frown.

"Well, you never did," Dillon reminded him. "And Derek said he'd take me. And mommy says it's okay."

"You can come along if you want," I offered, not wanting to step on any toes that Dillon grew up with.

"Oh, uh, no, it's fine," the man stammered. "I'm George, by the way. George O'Malley."

"Derek Shepherd," I told him, offering him my hand.

"It's nice to meet you," he nodded. "Meredith's really special."

"I know," I said smiling over at Meredith who was now helping Izzie with some of the food. I just hoped she wasn't cook it. "She's something else," I said, not even trying to hide the love I felt for her.

He smiled and then leaned forward carefully and whispered, "Don't use her, okay?"

"I'm not going to," I whispered back, impressed by the loyalty her friends showed.

"Derek!" Dillon grabbed my hand. "No more grown up talk!"

"Sorry bud," I said, sitting down beside him. "As I'm your guest we should probably talk about what you want."

"Yeah," he grinned and then pointed to the little girl who was currently standing next to Meredith. "That's Becky. She's my girlfriend."

"You have a girlfriend?" I asked, widening my eyes at him in true disbelief. I had been 13 when I had my first girlfriend and I thought I was the coolest kid around. Apparently I was wrong. Dillon, at age 6, had beaten me.

"Yeah," he nodded. "We're gonna get married. Right, Uncle George?"

"Yeah, Dillon. You and Becky," George said, still sounding awkward.

Dillon grinned. "See? She's my girlfriend."

"You're quite the cool kid, bud. I don't even have a girlfriend," I told him, winking at Meredith. Not yet, at least.

"Mommy can be your girlfriend," he said wisely. "She's a girl. And she's your friend. So she can be your girlfriend."

"I like that idea," I told him. I really liked that idea. And it was a perfect way to broach the subject without giving Meredith a chance to freak out. "What do you say, Mer?"

"To what?" she asked innocently as she brought a salad over to the table.

"Your son thinks you could be my girlfriend, since I don't have one," I said, pouting at her. "Be my girlfriend?"

She laughed and then leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "You realize his definition of a girlfriend is a friend who is a girl?"

"Yes. But we could use my defninition. It's much more interesting," I said, slightly rubbing my cheek where her lips had been.

"Oh, and what's your definition?"

"Small ears, Mer," I told her, laughing gently and pointing to Dillon.

She laughed and then nodded. "Fine, Derek, I'll be your friend who is a girl."

"His definition or mine?" I asked, trying not to sound to hopeful.

"Yours," she winked at me and then turned to Dillon. "Dillon, honey, why don't you and Becky go wash your hands before supper?"

The two of them ran away from the table, hand in hand and giggling. "So you're my girlfriend," I whispered in her ear.

She nodded slowly, though I could feel her body tensing. "It's not too soon is it? I mean, you were probably just joking. And now you're freaking out and you want to leave and you can if you want to."

"Meredith, I'm not going anywhere. And I definitely wasn't joking."

She smiled at me and leaned forward to kiss me. "Ugh, gross," Cristina groaned from her spot on the kitchen counter. "Get a room."

"They're cute," the blonde that was obviously Alex's wife said. "I'm happy for you. Both of you."

Meredith grinned and turned to me. "Derek, Izzie Karev. Izzie, Derek Shepherd, my, um, boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you," I said, reaching out and taking her hand. I liked Izzie already, she was bubbly and perky. The last person I had expected Meredith to ever be friends with. But I liked her.

"Hey," she smiled. "Meredith told me you really liked the cupcakes. I can make you more if you want."

"I'd like that. Thanks Izzie," I said, feeling my cheeks redden slightly. I didn't think Meredith had shared all the details of how much I enjoyed th cupcakes. But if she was anything she

"So you're a doctor?" Izzie smiled at me. She was definitely favorite of Meredith's friends so far. Alex and George seemed uncomfortable around me, Cristina wasn't even talking to me. But Izzie, well, Izzie was nice.

"Yes. Head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace." For the first time I said it not even trying to impress anyone. I wanted Meredith's family to like me for who I was, not for what I did. I wanted to be part of this family, as loud and as overwhelming as they might be.

"Very cool," she grinned and then turned to her husband. "Alex, will you go see if Justin is awake from his nap yet?"

"Sure, babe," he said leaning over and giving her a quick kiss. This was not Alex Karev that I worked with. This was a different Alex, the one I could actually see Meredith being friends with, no just the ass that all the interns hated.

"Derek!" Dillon came running back in. "Are you and Mommy boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

I laughed as he yet again threw his arms around my legs. I loved kids, I adored kids, but none of them had bonded with me like this before. Dillon felt like he was mine. Not only did Meredith fit my life, but so did her son. "Yep, bud. She's my girlfriend now."

"Cool!" he grinned. "Does that mean that you're gonna get married like me and Becky?"

I grinned at Meredith and knelt down to meet Dillon's wide open gaze. "I hope so," I told him, deciding to stick to the truth. I wasn't one to lie to kids. "But I've only been her boyfriend for 5 minutes, I can't marry her for a very long time."

When I looked up at Meredith, there was panic in her eyes and she was fumbling with the silverware. "Um, uh, is everyone ready to eat?" she finally stammered out. "It's uh, ready. Right, Izzie, it's ready?"

Izzie gave Meredith a perplexed look. "Yeah, it's ready."

"See? It's ready," Meredith let out a nervous laugh and then headed towards the table with salad dressing and breadsticks. "So, yeah, uh, everyone can sit."

"Meredith," I said, grabbing her elbow as she placed the dishes on the table. "I'm sorry...I wasn't thinking...I'm sorry." I hadn't been thinking. Because I knew I wanted to marry Meredith, I also knew she was no where near ready to hear that.

She looked away from me and towards Dillon who was proudly telling people where to sit. "Derek, slow," she murmured. "I mean, I know I said that we're actually you know, a couple, or whatever. But marriage? Seriously?"

"Sorry," I told her sincerely, wrapping an arm around her back. "I am happy that you're my girlfriend."

"Me too," she finally sighed, resting her head against my shoulder. "Okay, everyone, supper time. Derek, I think you have the place of honor next to Dillon today."

"I would hope so," I said, as I lightly pressed a kiss on Meredith's head and headed towards my seat, that Dillon was proudly pouting. Life with Meredith was easier now that her son adored me.

"You're gonna sit next to me," he told me proudly. "It's better than sitting with the grown ups. They talk about work and stuff."

"Boring stuff," I told him, scrunching up my nose in my best Meredith impression.

He giggled and nodded. "When are we gonna go fishing? Can we go tomorrow, Derek?"

"I have to work tomorrow, bud. My next day off I promise to take you," I told him, putting some salad on his plate.

He stared at the salad for a moment and then made a face. "Veggies are ewww," he said, scrunching up his nose. "I just want asanga, Derek."

"I'd love to give you just lasagna, but I don't think your mommy would be very happy with me," I said, shooting a look at Meredith.

She nodded at me and smiled, her eyes bright. "Dillon," she smiled, "why don't you tell Derek about what you learned in school on Friday."

"Yeah, bud, did you learn lots of neat stuff?" I asked him, putting some lasagna on his plate, much to his thrill.

"Yep," he nodded. "We did reading groups and I was in the best group. Cause I'm the best reader. And I got a long book from the liberry."

"Wow," I said, smiling brightly at him. "And you can read it all by yourself?"

"Most of it," he answered. "Mommy helps me sometimes. But I can read a lot of it all by myself. Can you read by yourself, Derek?"

"Yep. They wouldn't let me be a surgeon if I couldn't," I told him laughingly.

"Aunt Cris and Uncle Alex are surgeons too," he said excitedly. "What do you surgeon on?"

"Brains," I said, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Ewww," Becky said next to him. "Are they gooey?"

"Not too gooey. They kind of feel like spaghetti," I told her. They didn't really, but it was the only thing I could imagine likening it to.

"My daddy operates on babies so they can be born," she said proudly.

"That's pretty cool," I told her enthusiatically.

"Aunt Cris operates on hearts," Dillon told me. "Surgery is hardcore."

"It is," I said, nodding. "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

"Race car driver," he answered enthusiastically. "And I wanna surgeon. I wanna do both."

"Wow, you're going to be pretty busy," I told him. I looked up at Becky. "What about you?"

"A teacher," she said. "Like my mommy. And a movie star. I'm gonna do both."

"That's pretty impressive," I told her, looking up to find Meredith smiling warmly at me.

"Are you grown up already, Mr. Derek?" Becky asked.

"Yep, I'm all grown up," I told her, taking the question to be very serious.

"Are you gonna surgeon forever?" she asked me.

I laughed. "I hope not. When I retire, when I get really old, I want to fish."

"How old are you, Derek?" Dillon asked. "Cause you're already pretty old."

I wasn't old, maybe a little old but definitey not pretty old. I frowned at Meredith. "I'm 40," I told him.

"Dillon," Meredith interrupted. "It's not nice to call grown ups old."

"You're just upset because if I'm old, you're old," I told her.

"I'm only thirty," she laughed. "You have a whole ten years on me, old man."

"Wait till later tonight and I'll show you who's old," I flirted with her.

Meredith laughed and then turned to Cristina. "So he is good?" I overheard as I took a bit of lasagna. "He looks like he'd be good."

For someone who had problems sharing even the slightest piece of information with me, she seemed right at ease with my friends. This had always been my favourite part of a relationship, getting to know someone, finding out everything that makes them who they are, all their different sides. And it had never been better than it was with Meredith. Tonight I saw a different Meredith than ever before.

She was relaxed and laughing, her eyes sparkling. I had never seen her like this, I couldn't get her to look like this. I knew she was scared. But I was hoping that now that I had been accepted into her group of friends, she would start to really open up even more with me. I needed to know her. And as I watched her laugh with her friends, talk about school and potty training with Izzie, I realized that I had finally met the real Meredith Grey.

_I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be_


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we'd be at the hospital with the Dempseys right now. Instead, this update, it's for the twins.**

It had been almost a week since the dinner at Meredith's house. To say I was still on cloud twenty was an understatement, I had discovered that there was at least a cloud fifty. Possibly sixty. I had spoken to Meredith almost every night since then, and to Dillon just as often. He loved telling me what he had learned in school, the friends he had made, and the legos he was currently playing with. I couldn't believe how quickly our lives had blended together. Just a month ago I was struggling to get her to agree to a date and now it was like we had been like this forever. More importantly it felt like this would continue forever, I just couldn't imagine it any other way. I used to look at couples like us and wonder how they managed to stay so happy. Now I couldn't imagine not being this happy.

It was a Friday afternoon and I was off in six hours to go enjoy a meal with Meredith. I had been over to the house once during the week and had spent time with both Meredith and Dillon. And while I loved that kid with every bit of me, I couldn't wait to be alone with my Meredith. It was Lucas's week to take Dillon, and I was hoping with every fiber of my being that he wouldn't do what he does and cancel.

I wanted sex. I wanted to lounge around naked. I wanted to spend a night drinking wine and watching grown up movies and enjoying my girlfriend. I loved her son, I did. But I needed my Meredith time. My cell phone rang, suddenly interrupting my thoughts. "Shepherd," I said answering it.

"Derek," Meredith's voice sent shivers down my spine, until I realized that the tone was not good. It wasn't good at all.

"Hun, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"Lucas," she sighed and then changed her tone. "Dillon, honey, Mom's on the phone. Go watch Brother Bear."

"He cancelled on you, didn't he?" I said, smiling as I visioned Dillon jumping to grab the phone.

"Yes," she replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice. "Derek, I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule?"

I sighed, trying to hide my frustration with the situation. It wasn't Meredith's fault a flakey ass was the father of her child, and it wasn't fair that I took it out on her. She didn't need that. "No need to reschedule, Mer. We'll just change our plans. How about we take Dillon to the movies?"

Are you sure?" she asked, doubt tingeing her voice. "I mean, he'd love to see you, and he's in a mood because his dad was supposed to take him to the zoo tomorrow. But I know how much you wanted...well you know."

I groaned, I couldn't help it, I groaned. "I did want it, and that part will definitely be rescheduled. But I want to see you and Dillon. So yes, I'm sure."

"Okay," she said. "We'll take Dillon to see a movie." I could hear Dillon shouting something about Happy Feet in the background and then asking if she was talking to me. "Derek, he wants to talk to you. Just so you know, he's being throwing temper tantrums for the past two hours."

"Put him on," I said, chuckling softly.

I could hear some scrambling and then Dillon came on. "Hi Derek!"

"Hey bud, you're not giving your mom a headache are you?" I asked him.

"Nope!" he replied. "Derek, will you take me to the zoo tomorrow? My daddy was supposed to take me but he's being a mean poopy head."

I thought about my schedule for the next day, I had the day off but I had planned on doing a few other things that needed to get done. But I definitely didn't want to be classified as a mean poopy head. "If it's okay with your mom," I told him.

"She'll say yes," Dillon said confidently. "Cause she's your girlfriend. So she'll say yes. Derek, are you gonna see a movie with us tonight?"

"Yep," I said, faking enthusiasm that I definitely wasn't feeling.

"Okay," I could imagine him nodding on the end. "We're gonna go see Happy Feet, kay? It's about p-guins."

"Sounds good, bud," I told him, not having to fake the smile on my face. He was hard to stay frustrated with.

"Okay, Mommy says I gotta get off the phone, cause you're at work. Are you at work, Derek? Have you surgeon brains today?"

"Yep. And I need to get going to surgeon another brain," I told him.

"Okay," he said. "Here's Mommy again. Bye, friend!"

Again I heard the scrambling on the other end. "So apparently I'm going to the zoo tomorrow."

She giggled. "So I heard. He likes penguins the best. And elephants."

"I'll keep that in mind," I told her.

"Thanks, Derek," she sighed. "It's really, well, it's painful for him when Lucas does this."

"It's not that easy on you either," I said.

She sighed again and I imagined she was wringing her hands. "It's fine. At least he has a daddy. That's more than, well, um...that's more than a lot of other kids. And Lucas does love him. He's just busy."

I was the head of neurosurgery at one of the busiest hospitals in this city and I wasn't as busy as this Lucas jerk. But I wasn't starting this fight. "I know, Mer. So I'll be by in a few hours."

"Okay," I could hear the smile creeping into her voice. "Dillon says good luck on your brain surgeon."

"Tell him I said thanks. Bye Meredith," I said.

"Bye, Der," she replied and then hung up. I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair and then looked down at the chart for my next brain surgeon, as Dillon called it. I read through it quickly, making notes here and there as I walked towards the elevators. It was going to be another night with Dillon and Meredith. And I was excited. But still, I needed sex. As selfish and horny as that sounded, I needed sex.

It wasn't a bad thing to want sex with your girlfriend. There was no way wanting some sex with your girlfriend was bad thing. We had only slept together the one time, and as much as I loved the fond memories, I needed more. Suddenly someone knocked into me, causing me to drop the chart to the ground. "Watch where you're going!" I snapped at the younger doctor.

"Sorry, Dr. Shepherd," the doctor, a cardiology resident, stammered. "I, uh, must not have been paying attention."

Dr. Kelley. I had seen him around. He was one of the best the hospital had. "Well you might want to start," I grumbled. Taking out my anger at him wasn't exactly fair. But if I wasn't getting any, someone had to pay and it couldn't be Meredith.

"Sorry," he said again. "I was told you, uh, needed a consult?"

He was here for a consult and I had managed to snap at him. "I do. Sorry for snapping at you," I told him, grudgingly. I hated apologizing.

"It's fine," he nodded. "It's been a long day."

"Tell me about it," I told him, running my fingers through my hair. "My girlfriend and I had plans tonight. But her son's father flaked out so our plans got...changed."

"That's awful," he fell into step next to me. "Dead beat dads seriously piss me off."

"They definitely make my life more complicated. I love the kid, I do. But I just...I just want my girlfriend," I told him. I didn't even know why I was talking about this with a complete stranger, but I felt the need to vent.

Before he could answer, I heard a familiar voice call my name. Well, actually, the entirely embarrassing nickname that I never wanted anyone to hear ever. "McDreamy, I need to talk to you," Cristina Yang came around the corner, stopping to face me. "Now."

I gulped. Cristina was scary, even though I had now seen her interacting with Meredith and the rest of the family, she was still scary. Becky Karev had said surgery was hard core, and the only word to describe Cristina was that. Hardcore. "Yes, Dr. Yang?"

"In private," she growled, flashing one hell of a look towards Dr. Kelley. It was common knowledge that the two best cardio residents at Seattle Grace were Dr. Yang and Dr. Kelley. And the look she gave him sent a clear signal that she could eat him alive. Yes, definitely hardcore.

"Umm...okay," I said, clearing my throat awkwardly. "Dr. Kelley, head to the room, I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

Dr. Kelley nodded and left, but not before Cristina gave him another death look. "Ass," she said and then turned to me. "Okay, McDreamy, we have to get a few things straight here."

"What things exactly?" I said, shuffling back and forth on my feet as I always did when I was nervous. Something told me that the thing we had to get straight had to do with Meredith.

"I get that you may be some hot shot neurosurgeon," she started. "And I get that in some ways, you're my boss. But right now, you're none of that. You're the guy who is dating my best friend. Got it?"

"Yes," I said nodding my head slowly, fighting off the urge to call Meredith for help. She would know how to handle this, Meredith knew things like that.

"Okay," she stepped forward and stared at me, her eyes blazing. "If you hurt her or Dillon, I'm going to kill you and make it look like an accident. Got it? And if you're thinking I can't do that, I can. And I will. Screw her up, and I'll kill you."

There was no question in my mind that she spoke the truth, that she really would kill me. "I have no intention of hurting either of them," I told her.

"You better not," she growled. "Because she likes you and if you are just fucking with her, I will tear you to shreds. She's my person. And Dillon is the only kid I've ever been able to look at and not hate. So I'd consider everything seriously before you start spouting your shit about loving her again."

I took a deep breath. Meredith might not be ready to hear the depth of my feelings but something told me it was exactly what Cristina needed to hear. "Cristina, I love her. God I love her. And I love Dillon. They're both part of my life now, and I'm not planning on hurting them, I'm not planning on fucking with them. I'm in this, Yang. I'm in this for good."

She stared at me for a second, and I tried to keep my cool. If I fidgeted, she would think I was lying. And I wasn't. I loved Meredith. But Cristina's death glare was frightening. Worse than my mom's. "Fine," she nodded and then walked away, not saying another word.

That had to be some kind of test, that had to some kind of test God had decided to throw my way, to make sure I was good enough, worthy enough to have two such beautiful and wonderful people in my life. Or karma kicking my ass for temporarily hating Dillon and the cramp he put on my sex life. Cristina Yang was my punishment. But at least now someone in Mer's family knew how I felt.

_"I know it doesn't sound so cool, but baby, I'm in love with you."_


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, we'd be in bed getting our beauty rest for the SAG awards tomorrow. Instead, we're up late updating.**

Meredith's hand felt good in mine as we walked up the driveway to her house. Dillon walking in front of us felt right. All of tonight felt right. The night hadn't been what I planned at all, but I had no complaints. The movie had been fun. Tonight had been fun. And something about all of this all felt almost too right. It was hard to imagine that over a month ago, they hadn't even been in my life.

Meredith squeezed my hand gently before getting her keys out to unlock the front door. Dillon stood quietly, which was a first for me. Even during the movie, Dillon had talked. It hadn't bothered me, it was cute. He had such intense reactions to each part of the movie, and I had found myself laughing more at him than at the movie. But now, he was definitely tired.

"Tired, bud?" I asked him, ruffling his hair as we followed Meredith into the house. I leaned over and kissed Meredith quickly and then went back to looking at her son, who looked like he wanted to drop where he stood.

"Not really," he mumbled as his eyes started to close.

"You sure about that?" I asked him gently.

He shrugged and then let out a big yawn. "Only a little," he admitted as he rubbed his eyes with his fist.

"Dillon, how about you go get ready for bed. I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in," Meredith offered.

"Can Derek do it?" he asked, his tired blue eyes sneaking a glance at me. "Can he, Mommy?"

Meredith looked at me, his questioning echoing in her eyes. It was obviously up to me, and there was no way I could say no. "Sure, bud," I said enthusiastically.

He smiled and then turned and made his way upstairs, dragging a little with each step. I'd be surprised if he didn't just curl up on the stairs right there. "He likes The Little Engine that Could," Meredith smiled at me. "And you have to say good night to him and his teddy bear. Whose name is Sam, by the way."

"Thanks," I said. "And thanks for trusting me with this."

She smiled and then turned to go to the kitchen. She seemed quiet. Not bad quiet, just, contemplative quiet. I don't think she had expected this. My willingness to go on a date with her and her six year old son. She was probably freaking out a little, which I understood. I just hoped she wouldn't pull away from me. "Derek!" Dillon's exhausted voice called. "I'm in bed now!"

"Be right back," I said quietly to Meredith, as I turned around and headed up the stairs, with a smile on my face. I had always wanted this, always wanted this life with kids and family. I wanted to be that guy who read his children every night. This was life I wanted. And somehow I had managed to find it with a tiny blonde I met in a bar.

Dillon was curled up in his race car bed with his teddy bear. The race car sheets were in a pile next to his feet and he was wiggling them. "I'm ready for bed," he said. "I even brushed my teeth. Wanna smell?"

"I trust you, bud," I told him sitting down on the bed. "So where's this book I'm supposed to read?"

He reached over to his bedside table, picked up the book, and handed it to me. "First you gotta tuck me in," he ordered. "You gotta make me into a Dillon 'ritto."

I laughed, picturing Meredith making up the term as I leaned over and wrapped his bed covers tight. "Dillon 'ritto it is."

He giggled and then pulled his teddy bear out from underneath the blankets. "Not a Dillon and Sam 'ritto. Sam doesn't like to be part of a 'ritto."

"Well sorry Sam," I said, addressing the teddy bear. I sat back down beside him, book in my hand and cuddled close as he closed his eyes, smiling widly at me. I opened the book I knew so well from reading it to my nieces and nephews. I had given up hope on ever having my own son to read it to. Not that Dillon was mine, but he was starting to feel like it.

"Derek," he interrupted at one point. "I gotta ask you something."

"Shoot, bud," I said.

"Which movie is better, Brother Bear or Brother Bear 2?" he asked seriously. "My daddy and I have been fighting about it for ever."

"Brother Bear 2," I nodded, taking the question as seriously as he had asked it.

"Me too!" he smiled. "My daddy says Brother Bear. You're smarter."

"You may not want to tell your dad that, bud," I told him, turning back to the book sitting on my lap.

He stayed silent for the rest of the book, except for muttering "I think I can" at some points. As his eyes started to flutter closed, I finished the book and put it aside. "All done?" he mumbled.

"Yep, bud, all done," I said, gently getting up from my place on his bed.

"Night, Derek," he whispered as he pulled Sam close.

"Nght, Dillon," I whispered back, smiling at him.

"And Sam."

"Night Sam," I laughed.

"Love you," he sighed as he turned over.

A lump suddenly formed in my throat. My heart tightened in my chest. "Love you too," I whispered, drawing in a rough breath as I leaned down and softly kissed his cheek.

I watched as his breathing slowed and then made my way downstairs, tears threatening to fall. It was the first time a kid other than my nieces and nephews had said I love you. And it felt good to hear it from Dillon. From the little boy whose mother I was in love with. I walked into the kitchen to find Meredith dipping into her tequila stash. Her hands were shaking and she was obviously trying to hold back tears.

I immediately was by her side. "Mer, hun, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said as she turned away from me. "I mean, really, everything is fine. Really, it's okay. Everything is great. You're reading bed time stories to my son who seems to like you right now more than his father. But really, everything's just fine. Better than fine. Really, really, fine."

"Oh, Mer," I mummered pulling her into my arms and rubbing her back. "It's okay. It's okay."

"I'm fine," she said again. "Really. Derek, I'm okay."

"You're fine," I said nodding at her. "But just so you know. I'm good here, Mer. There's no where else I'd rather be."

"You don't have to," she sighed. "I mean, you're so good with him. And this isn't what you signed up for. You met me in a bar and you got a kid and a girl with issues."

"Meredith, I signed up for you. If that happens to be a kid and a girl with issues that's fine. It's you I signed up for," I told her, holding her face in my hands, forcing her to look into my eyes.

She smiled a little, tears in her eyes. "So it's okay that we haven't had sex in a week, and might not for another week?"

"Cold showers have proved useful," I told her jokingly. "And it is okay, as long as I'm with you and Dillon it's okay," I finished all forgetting about my slight resentment from earlier in the day. Dillon was part of who Meredith was, and that was all that mattered to me. Meredith. The sex was just gravy.

She finally relaxed and reached forward and kissed me, softly at first and then deepening it, her tongue pushing my mouth open. I moaned into her mouth and she pulled away. "You know," she whispered, "Dillon is in bed."

"He is," I said, wondering if I should tell her what Dillon said. It might freak her out, it would freak her out, and with the promise of sex around the corner, freaking her out might not be the best idea. But she had the right to know. "He told me he loved me," I whispered, still kind of in awe.

"What?" she pulled back, her eyes widening.

"Right before I left, he told me he loved me," I said, embarassed to feel a single tear run down my cheek.

"Oh," she said softly. "Derek. I, um, he, talks about you all the time."

"Good, that's good," I said nodding slightly. "I love him too, Mer."

She looked up at me, her eyes shining with tears. "You don't have to."

"I know I don't," I replied, not bothering to explain further.

"Not many guys would love him," she sighed. "He belongs to someone else. But you, you're so good about this. You're just...um...I don't know. You love him."

"I do. And I love you too," I said gently, immediately noticing the widening of her eyes. "I know, I know it's soonish. And you don't have to say it back, I'm just...I'm putting it out there."

"Okay," she nodded and then leaned against my chest. "I can't yet."

"I know," I nodded, holding her close, grateful that she hadn't pulled away. It gave me hope that one day soon she could say it back. "So Dillon's asleep."

"He is," she murmured.

"Why are we still talking?" I asked, winking at her and leaning in for a kiss.

She giggled and kissed me back, her hands moving up to entangle her fingers in my hair. We kissed for a few minutes, my hands reaching up to the hem of her shirt, before she pulled away. "We should watch a movie," she grinned.

"A...you want to watch a movie?" I asked her confused.

She giggled and then made her way towards the living room. "Yeah," she replied. "Let's watch a movie."

I groaned but couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Her laugh was infectious and adorable and just about perfect. I reached the living room to find her bent in front of her DVD collection, ass up in the air and wiggling it far more than would be deemed necessary. "Mer..." I groaned.

"What?" she giggled, turning to look at me.

"You're a cruel cruel woman," I said, smiling and shifting uncomfortably, my pants feeling a little tight.

"What do you want to watch?" she asked.

"You," I told her, walking over and grabbing her by the hips, pulling her close to me and my uncomfortable pants. "But whatever you want is fine."

Katie says:

She rubbed against me a little bit, a sly smile on her face. "Hmmm, I bet you have some sort of preference," she murmured as she turned to me and kissed me, hard.

"Something porny, do you have anything porny?" I asked in a husky voice, pulling away from her lips but holding her close.

"Seriously?" she giggled. "I have a six year old."

"No porny? That's okay, we can make our own," I said, dipping my head down to kiss her again. Her lips parted as soon as they met mine, and I delved my tongue into her mouth, kissing her hard and fast.

She moaned into my mouth and we stumbled over to the couch, her hands already moving to the hem of my shirt to pull it over my head. We fell back onto the couch and I moved my hands to her breasts, massaging them as we continued kissing. "Derek," she moaned into my mouth.

"Hmmm..." I muttered, kissing her as I slowly rubbed against her, our jeans still seperating us. I pulled my mouth away from her, moving my lips to explore the dips of her neck, my tongue finding the place that sent chills down her spine. I loved when she shook against me

"Dillon," she sighed as her head fell back to allow me easier access. "He might wake up."

"Hmm..." I muttered again, understanding the seriousness of the dillema but not wanting to face it. Meredith tasted to good to pull away. Her body felt too right against my own. This shouldn't have to stop. My hand massaged her breast harder, causing her to let go a small gasp of surprise as I let my mouth find hers again.

"Seriously," she murmured, a little breathless, though she wasn't pulling away. In fact, her hands were moving down to the button of my jeans.

"Seriously, " I murmured back, my hands leaving her breasts and traveling in light touches to the hem of her shirt, moving to pull it over her head.

"Seriously, we're taking it slow," she undid the button and then moved to unzip them.

"I can take it slow, I can take it incredibly slow," I said, pushing her bra out of the way of my now roaming mouth.

"Slower than that," she moaned, this time pushing me against the arm of the couch, climbing on top of me. "He might wake up..."

"He might," I said nodding seriously, but catching her mouth with mine again, pulling her tongue into my mouth and gently sucking on it, as she let out a small gasp of pleasure.

She started grinding her hips against my very prominent erection, my body shaking with pleasure. Why were our pants still on? She continued her little lap dance, my brain slowly becoming completely blank. I pulled her down by her hair and kissed her, my hands moving down to her own jeans. "Mommy?"

No. No. No. No. This was not happening, this could not be happening. I had just watched Dillon fall peacefully asleep, a smile on his face. He was asleep and I was about to get sex, this was not happening. "Dillon?" Meredith said, pulling away from me, her voice breathless.

"There's a monster," he said as he came into the living room, Meredith reaching for her shirt and getting off of me. "There's a monster in my closet."

"Oh hun, I'll come and take care of that," Meredith said, concern edging her voice as I searched the room for my discarded shirt.

"He's big and scary," he whimpered. "Sam's scared too."

I sighed slightly, the fear in Dillon's voice making me forget the heat of seconds before. "Want me to come check on it, bud?" I asked him, pulling the shirt over my head and tactfully ignoring my still prominent erection.

"Can you chase him away?" he looked up at me, his eyes wide and tearful. "Cause he's hiding in my closet. And he's gonna eat Sam and me."

"Of course I can," I told him confidently and smiling reassuringly at him.

"Okay," he nodded, and reached his arms up to be picked up, his teddy bear hanging from his right hand. "You can protect me and Mommy. And Sam."

"That's what I'm here for," I said starting to walk towards him but stopping temporarily to give Meredith, who was standing there appearing to be in a large amount of shock, a quick kiss on the cheek. "If Lucas flakes next time, I'm going to kill him and make it look like an accident," I whispered in her ear, giving it a quick bite. And then I headed towards where Dillon stood and pulled him into my arms.

"How are you gonna chase him away?" Dillon murmured into my neck as we climbed the stairs.

"A secret trick my daddy taught me when I was your age. Want to learn it?" I asked him gently.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Sounds good, bud," I nodded back, smiling down at Meredith who now stood at the bottom of the stairs. I had wanted sex, I had hated that sex had been interrupted. But when you were holding the person you loved second most in the entire world in your arms, reassuring him that you'd always protect him, it was hard to remember to be angry about a little less sex.

We went upstairs and he gripped my neck, tightening his grip as we got closer to his room. "My daddy says there's no monsters," he said. "But there is. He's in my closet."

"Oh there's monsters alright," I said nodding, and grabbing something that I had noticed earlier on the table in the hallway. We reached his room and I placed him on the floor again, and he immediately wrapped himself around my legs. I indicated the spray bottle that was in my hand. "Now, see, monsters don't like being sprayed in the face," I explained.

"Really?" he looked up at me, his eyes wide.

"Really," I said nodding very seriously. "So when there's a monster in your closet all you have to do is open it just a little bit and spray," I explained doing just that.

He giggled and let go of my legs. "Can I try?"

"Of course," I said, handing him the spray bottle.

He gripped his teddy bear close and opened the closet door a little, spraying into the empty closet three times. "He's gone," he said, looking up at me.

"Good job, bud," I told him, gesturing to his bed. "Ready to get back to bed?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Make me into a Dillon 'ritto again."

I laughed gently as I tucked him into bed all over again. "If he comes back, you know what to do. And if you need some help, your mom and I are here for you."

"Okay," he nodded. "Derek?"

"Yeah?" I asked him.

"You and Mommy shouldn't wrestle."

I bit back a laugh and quickly looked away so he couldn't see the laughter in my eyes. "Okay, bud, we won't."

"Good," he nodded. "Cause my daddy and his girlfriend wrestled once. And it's bad to wrestle. Aunt Izzie says so."

Lucas has a girlfriend? If he was blowing off Dillon to wrestle with some girlfriend I really was going to kill the man. Because I wanted to wrestle with my girlfriend. And Dillon was too great of kid do deserve anything less than the best. "Well if Aunt Izzie says so."

"She does," he sighed. His eyes were closing again. "Night again, Derek."

"Night Dillon," I said for the second time that night.

"And Sam," he mumbled.

"And Sam," I added.

I set the spray bottle down on his bedside table and went back downstairs. Meredith was sitting on the couch, her head in her hands. "Is he asleep?" she whispered.

'Yep, monsters have been slain," I told her, sitting down on the couch and pulling her towards me.

"I'm sorry," she sighed.

"Don't be. Monsters happen," I said with a shrug.

"Lucas is taking him next weekend," she said firmly. "I told him if he didn't, I'd sic Cristina on him."

I laughed gently. "Then we will finish what we started then," I told her nodding. "How about we throw on that movie now?"

She turned to me and smiled lightly. "Actually, I'm kind of tired. Are you, um, I mean, do you, errr...are you going home tonight?"

"Do I have to go home tonight?" I asked, smiling at the prospect of sleeping beside her again, holding her all night, even if it meant waking up far too early the next morning.

"Um," she looked down at her hands and then looked back up at me. "Not if you don't want to."

"I definitely don't want to," I told her, gently rubbing my lips against her cheek.

"Okay," she nodded and then got up, taking my hand. "And then you can show me how to kill the monsters."

"Oh that's mine and Dillon's secret," I laughed, quietly following her up the stairs. I had wanted sex. I knew Mark was going to give me a hard time about the lack of sex. But this is what I really wanted. Tucking Dillon into bed and then falling asleep beside Meredith.

_Here I am, this is me, there is no where else on earth I'd rarher be._


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: At the height our obsession, Grey's owns us.**

By the time Saturday rolled around, I realized that I had been holding my breath for almost an entire week. Every second of every day, I was checking my phone, looking to see if Meredith had called to tell me that Lucas had once again canceled. Once, it was Dillon calling me to ask me a question about his science homework, but mostly, my phone stayed silent the entire week. Maybe god was smiling down on my poor horny soul.

My phone was still gratefully silent as I through on a pair of jeans and a sweater, glad I had planned something casual tonight. I loved Dillon, loved him like he was my own son, but I couldn't remember the last time I had been alone with her, really alone. I wanted to walk along with her, holding her hand and just listening to her talk without tiny ears listening in. I wanted sex. Tonight would be perfect.

I checked my phone a few more times before I finally got into my car and drove to Meredith's house, keeping my phone in my hand just in case. I knew I was being paranoid, but I just couldn't be sure what would happen. I had never dated a single mother before, and while Mark kept telling me MILF action is some of the best action, I still was a little nervous about this.

I reached her house, my phone still silent and I couldn't help but smile at it. Apparently I was getting my night along with Meredith. I reached the door and rang the doorbell, smiling at she greeted me. She looked adorable tonight, blue jeans hugging her hips and a warm sweater that made me want to cuddle her. "Hey," I said as she opened the door.

"Hey," she grinned. "Lucas picked up Dillon an hour ago."

"Best news I've heard all night," I said with a smile, pulling her close to me for a soft kiss.

She deepened the kiss a little and then pulled away, a huge smile on her face. "I don't see why you wouldn't let me just come over to your trailer," she said and then leaned forward. "It's not like we're actually going to do anything but...well...you know."

"Oh I have plans for tonight Meredith, wonderful plans that do indeed involve going place," I told her.

"Do I need a jacket?" she asked as she stepped aside to let me come into her house.

"Yes, or I can keep you warm," I flirted waggling my eyebrows at her.

She laughed and grabbed a white pea coat out of the closet. "Do I get a hint at least?"

"Of course not," I laughed, helping her into her jacket, pressing a soft kiss on her head.

"Does it involve being in a bed?" she giggled as she turned to look at me, pressing her small body against mine.

"Oh, now who's a little porny?" I laughed at her but enjoying her body against mine anyway. "And I can guarantee a bed at some point tonight."

"Soon?" she murmured as she kissed me, hard. Apparently I hadn't been the only one needing some sex this week.

"Sooner if you keep acting like that," I said, holding her close.

"Oh really?" she raised an eyebrow and looked at me. "You know, we could always just head upstairs..."

"Meredith as tempting as that is, I have a really great date planned. You'll love me for it," I said, grabbing her hand and hoping to lead her out of the house, before I did in fact take her up on her offer.

"Fine," she giggled as she squeezed my hand gently. "I'm starving. Are we going for dinner?"

"There's food where we're going," I said nodding as I finally got out of the house.

I opened the car door for her and she got in, looking up at me. "What kind of food?"

"The kind you eat. If you keep asking questions you're going to run the surprise," I told her.

"I don't like surprises," she laughed. "Derek, seriously, one hint."

"One hint?" I asked her skeptically. "Let's see...I planned a kid friendly date just in case Lucas fell through, so it's kid friendly."

She raised an eyebrow again, surveying me. "We're not going to the movies again, are we? And you're not going to try to feel me up again, are you? Because, that, Derek was a little awkward."

"Not the movies, but I'm not making any promises not to feel you up," I told her.

She giggled and then nodded. "Okay, then. Let's go to your surprise kid friendly date."

Conversation turned to other topics, the surgery I had done today and the kids Meredith had treated. I loved Meredith's interest in my job, I love that she understood it. It felt good. The ride went quickly and soon I was pulling off the road and into a large, nearly full parking lot.

Her eyes widened at the lights and the music that could be heard even in the car. She turned to me and stammered, "Uh, um, Derek, what, well, where are we?"

"It's a carnival," I said smiling broadly at the confused look on her face, happy that I had taken her completely by surprise.

"A-a-a carnival," she stammered. "Seriously? Seriously."

"Seriously," I nodded hopping out of my side of the car and running around to open her door. "Come on, Mer."

She sighed and took my hand, walking alongside me as we headed towards the laughing children, loud music, and rides. The smell of funnel cakes permeated the air and I smiled at her. "You know," she said after a moment, "this is a new kind of cheesy. Does Mark know you're doing this?"

"Mark has no idea," I said shaking my head, quickly. "And if you tell him, well, don't tell him."

"Cristina will make me break up with you," she warned. "I mean, Derek, a carnival. We haven't been alone in two weeks and we're doing a carnival?"

"Cristina also can't be told. And yes, we're doing a carnival," I stopped and looked over at her, frowning slightly. "It'll be fun."

"Okay," she said after a moment. "But no carousels."

"No carousels," I nodded, not quite sure why I was agreeing to it, but knowing not to. "But ferris wheels, I like ferris wheels."

"Ferris wheels are fun," she smiled. "But we have to ride them last. That's the very last ride. It's a rule or something."

"Whatever you want, Mer," I told her, kissing her cheek gently as we reached the fair grounds.

"So what do we do now?" she asked, turning and smiling at me. "I haven't been to a carnival since I was five."

"We do whatever you want. Bumper cars. Cotton candy. Games," I said shrugging slightly.

She looked around at the kids running around and laughing. "Is there a fun house?" she asked, turning to look at me, a sly smile on her face.

"Yep. You want to go to the fun house?" I asked her.

"I think so," she nodded. "Dark corners, you know."

"Meredith Grey, I do believe that your brain is in the gutter tonight. Not that I'm complaining, I like this side of you," I said, pulling her in for a searing kiss that was a little too hot for public.

She giggled at first and then let out a soft moan, her fingers tangling themselves in my dark curls. "Derek," she moaned as she pulled away. "Kids..."

"Your fault for being so porny today," I told her, shrugging slightly as she grabbed my hand, leading me towards another area of the park.

"Maybe the fun house is a bad idea," she said a little breathlessly as we stopped in front of the bumper cars. "But I think this could be fun."

"Oh you're on," I told her. Bumper cars were my domain. I loved that she had picked the bumper cars.

"You're going down, Shepherd," she punched my arm slightly.

"Oh, Grey you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into," I told her as we started getting ready to get into the cars. The carnival was definitely a good idea. I adored this Meredith...light hearted, fun, relaxed, child like. It was amazing. As I watched her give me a threatening look, in which I truly believe she thought she could take me down, I fell even more in love with her.

She chose a red car and I got into a blue one, a smirk already on my face. She had no idea what she was up against. Mark and I were bumper car champions. Anyone who went against us went down. I looked up to see Meredith talking to a teenager in a car next to her. She laughed and then looked at me, the challenge in her eyes.

It was kind of cute that she thought she had a chance though, that she was competitive enough to take me on. Creaming her was going to be fun. The cars started up and I immediately headed towards hers, ploughing right in the side of her car.

She turned and gave me an evil look but then laughed when I felt my car being hit from behind by the teenager she had been talking to before. As I turned to look at the kid, she immediately turned and hit my car. I heard her giggle as I turned back to look at her and then felt yet another car hit me from the side. Oh, this had gotten dirty. Meredith was just playing dirty.

I rammed into her, wishing Mark was with me, as he'd be on my side. Actually no, Meredith would give him those eyes and she would get him on her side in a second. As it was I was screwed. I was the king of bumper cars when played fairly, I had no idea that my girlfriend would play so dirty. Not that she wouldn't pay for this later.

She let out a small scream of amusement and then immediately waved at her two teenage sidekicks. I felt my car hit three separate times before I finally turned to hit hers, but not before she rammed into me. "You're going down, Shepherd," she repeated her statement from earlier, laughter in her eyes.

"You'll pay for this, Grey!" I threatened back, unable to stop myself from laugh.

She giggled as she rammed into me again. "Don't be jealous," she purred to me as she got up close. "You're the one who wanted to do a carnival. It's not my fault I'm better than you at the bumper cars."

"You are not better than me. You play dirty. There's a difference, Meredith. A big huge difference," I yelled at her as she pealed away, only to ram into me again.

It doesn't matter how you play," she giggled as one of her buddies rammed into me again. "As long as you win."

"You spend too much time with Yang," I groaned.

She laughed as she turned and rammed into me again. This was definitely a tad bit embarrassing. I could not tell Mark about this. We had been doing this since I was eleven years old, and we had been holy terrors in bumper cars. And Meredith was beating me. Miserably. And I had never loved her more.

After a few more bump and grinds from her and her teenage teammates the ride came to an end and I jumped out of my car, going to meet her as she got out of hers. I threw my arms around her and smiled cheekily at her. "You're something else, Mer."

"I know," she laughed as she pulled two ten dollar bills out of her pocket and handed them to the boys. "Thanks, guys," she smiled at them.

"That was...I'm speechless, Mer," I said shaking my head.

She kissed me quickly on the lips. "I should tell you the truth," she smiled as she took my hand and walked away.

"Truth?" I asked her, worried at what she would come up with now.

"Cristina, Izzie, Alex, George and I went to this carnival last year with Dillon," she laughed. "Cristina and I couldn't leave the bumper cars."

"Figures," I said rolling my eyes. "She was scary, wasn't she?"

"Frightening," she laughed. "And she paid two teenagers to make sure no one got to her. Though, it was cute that you tried."

"You're meeting Mark soon, if you tell him about this, there will be no sex," I threatened her.

"You're mean," she giggled as she squeezed my hand. "You said we would be eating."

"We can eat," I said with a smile. "Cotton candy?"

"Definitely," she nodded. "Pink or blue?"

"Blue for me, you?" I asked as we headed towards the booth.

"Definitely pink," she said. "Derek, this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

"Of course it's not, you're with me," I told her squeezing her hand.

"You really do like yourself," she laughed as we waitied in line for our cotton candy. This was definitely one of the better ideas I had had recently. Meredith was relaxed here, she was happy, and I was falling even more in love with her every second.

"No, it's just...when I'm with you things are better," I said quietly, strangely embarrassed by the confession.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Me too." I let go of her hand and pulled her into my arms, letting her rest her head against my shoulder. It amazed me how much I had fallen in love with her in such a short amount of time and tonight was just reconfirming it all. Meredith ordered our cotton candy from her place in my arms and I let her go so we could both grab our own. I threw my arm around her shoulder and we walked around, eating cotton candy and stopping to watch people play games. This was strangely perfect, this felt strangely right. And oddly enough, I found myself missing Dillon. It was weird. My first night alone with Meredith for a while and I wanted her so to be with us. "Want some?" she smiled as she held up her pink cotton candy.

"Sure," I smiled back at her, watching as she broke a piece. I opened my mouth and let her place it in my mouth, enjoying the sweetness in my tongue, and lightly teasing her fingers with my tongue. "You want some of me?"

"Always," she moaned and then took her fingers out of my mouth before leaning forward and kissing me, the sugary sweetness of the cotton candy mixing perfectly with the kiss.

"Hmmm...maybe we should go find that bed," I said, surprised to hear the huskiness in my voice.

"Not yet," she murmured. "I want you to show me how strong you are. And you promised a ferris wheel ride."

"Oh, so the lady wants to be impressed," I said, grabbing her and pulling her towards the gaming booths.

She laughed as she trailed behind me. "I think I want a teddy bear," she said as we walked past the different games.

"You expect me to win it, don't you?" I asked her.

"Of course," she nodded. "Isn't that the whole reason men take their girlfriends to carnivals? To prove how great they are?"

"I don't have to prove anything. It goes without saying that I'm great," I told her rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, well, I want proof," she laughed. "And you have lost some serious manliness points after losing at bumper cars."

"Fine, I'll win you a teddy bear," I told her, not being able to keep a smile from my face. When I was around her I always managed to smile a lot.

"Okay, my tough boyfriend," she laughed. "Pick your best game."

I glanced around to see what was offered and had no idea what to pick. Truth be told, Mark and I always spent our time on the rides, I wasn't the game guy. I wasn't about to admit that to her. "They're all my best. You pick."

Meredith surveyed the games and then pointed at one. "That one," she said, dragging me over. "The dart and balloon game."

This should be okay, it didn't look that hard. Balloons. Darts. I could own this game. I could get Meredith her teddybear. "Oh that one, that's no problem."

"Good," she smiled at me, her eyes twinkling. "Remember, a teddy bear."

"Your man will deliver," I nodded at her and headed towards the man that ran the booth so I could pay him and give this a try. I would get Meredith her teddybear. After the humiliation at bumper cars there was no way I was walking away without this teddy bear.

The man gave me three darts and stepped back for me to play. Darts. Mark and I spent a lot of time in college playing darts. This was not bad. This was going to be just fine. I turned to look at Meredith who had a bit of a smirk on her face. I definitely needed to win.

"Watch a master at work," I told her. Cockiness was probably not the best idea, as it would look worse if I lost. Not that I'm going to loose. This was going to be easy and Meredith would be approached and then we would have sex. It was all good.

"Okay, Dr. Shepherd," she chuckled a little. "Don't hurt anyone." I gave her a dirty look and turned to look at the balloons, taking a deep breath. My stomach clenched, strangely getting the pre-surgery feeling. I could do this. I threw the first dart and was happy to see it make perfect contact with a balloon. I turned to look at Meredith, a satisfactory grin on my face.

She smiled at me. "If you hit all three you'll get a big bear," the man told me.

"The lady wants a big bear," I told him. I threw another dart and was happy to see it hit its target again. "Impressed yet?"

She came up behind me and squeezed my butt a little. "Hit the third one and you are so getting sex tonight," she murmured in my ear. "Lots of it."

"I'm getting lots of sex tonight regardless," I winked at her but turned and concentrated on the balloon in front of me. This was for sex. And a teddy bear. Mainly sex. I threw the dart and had to stop myself from jumping up in exclamation as it hits its target.

Meredith didn't jump up and down and squeal like the girls I had taken to the carnival during high school. She just smiled softly and kissed me on the lips as the man brought her a very large teddy bear. "Dillon will be very jealous," she said as she held the teddy bear close.

I frowned at the thought of Dillon. I loved spending time with just his mom but I missed him. He would love this. He would love the teddy bear. "I guess that means I'll have to win him one too."

"You don't have to," she rushed as she took my hand and dried to drag me away. "Really, Derek."

"I want to," I told her refusing to budge.

"Fine," she sighed. "Let's hope you can have that kind of luck twice."

"That wasn't luck, Ms. Grey, that was pure skill," I told her, paying the man once again and securing three darts in my hands. For a man who had no idea what he was doing I sure had quite the attitude about it. This is what I get for hanging out with Mark too much. I threw the first dart and held back a happy sigh when it connected.

"You and Mark played a lot of darts in college, didn't you?" she laughed as I threw another dart and it made contact again.

"Mark had to do something to impress the ladies. He wasn't blessed with my good looks or my charm. I just played with him so he didn't look so bad," I told her, trying not to laugh as I lined up my last shot.

"From what I've heard from Cristina, Mark isn't so bad himself," she giggled and then hugged me from behind as the final dart made contact with the final balloon. "You're sexy when you win," she murmured in my ear.

"I'm sexy all the time," I told her, accepting the second teddy bear. "Now about that bed..."

"Ferris wheel ride," she reminded me as she dragged me over to the ferris wheel. "Last thing you do at a carnival, remember?"

"I could never forget," I smiled, hoping that the ride would be quick. The carnival had been a great idea, but it may have been a better idea to have sex before we came. No, we'd still be in bed. Regardless, I was ready to take care of the bedding part of the evening.

There were two other couples waiting in line for the ferris wheel. I kept my hand in Meredith's as we waited for the ride to empty. Once it had emptied and we were settled, Meredith put her head on my shoulder and cuddled close, throwing her legs over mine. "Thank you," she whispered. "I've had a lot of fun."

"I'm glad," I responded leaning over and pressing a light kiss on her lips.

We sat in silence for a moment as I held her close, again, that flowery scent drifting into my nostrils. One day, I would remember to ask her what it was. But this wasn't the right moment. I twirled her hair in my fingers. "Derek."

"Yeah?" I asked her, running my fingers up and down her hair.

"I," she began and then sighed, looking up at me. "Derek, I----" She stopped as the ride jerked and came to a complete stop.

My head whipped around the hanging basket that was now, well just hanging. Everything appeared okay, just stopped. Of course my heart was pounding because I had a feeling I knew what Meredith was about to say and had been cut off. "Mer, what were you saying?"

"Nothing," she sighed and then looked around. "What's going on? We're at the very top. Why isn't the ride moving?"

"I think it might be stuck," I responded, letting the subject of whatever she was going to say drop. It was enough to know she nearly said it, enough to know that it would probably come eventually.

"Hey, you folks okay?" a voice came from a bullhorn from below us.

"Yep," I yelled back, lacing my fingers through Meredith's and giving her hand a tight squeeze. "What's going on?"

"Gears are stuck," the voice replied. "We're gettin' maintenance out here. Could take thirty or forty minutes to fix. You need to be brought down?"

"We're fine here," I yelled back, looking at Meredith to make sure she was okay too.

She nodded quickly and squeezed my hand. "All right, we'll see you down in 40 minutes. You folks sit tight!"

"You okay Mer?" I asked her.

"I'm fine," she murmured. "A little cold."

I pulled her into my arms, feeling small chills run through her body. This kind of put a damper on the night but that was okay, we could deal with this. It was only 40 minutes and we were together. And alone. "Want to tell me what you were saying earlier?"

"I wasn't saying anything," she stammered. "Nothing at all. I mean, I was, but I wasn't. It's not important. It's cold. And our ride is stuck. Very stuck and I wasn't saying anything."

I chuckled softly at her rambling and yet again chose to let the subject drop. Her rambling said enough. "So ummm...we have some time to pass, I guess," I said awkwardly.

"Yeah, we do," she nodded, still a little tense in my arms.

I looked around us to the vast darkness everywhere. Somehow the ride had managed to stop just when we right at the top. No one could see us. "Want to have sex?"

She laughed a little and turned to look at me. "Seriously?"

"Why not? We're alone. We have time. It could be hot," I told her smiling saucily.

She looked around and then began kissing me. "I did always want to make out in a ferris wheel," she said into my mouth.

"Hmm...I love my porny girlfriend," I said back into her mouth, slipping my tongue gently into her mouth, letting my hands roam gently over her body. I had never considered sex in a ferris wheel before but I had to say, this was hot to just think about. This story I could tell Mark.

"So how do we do this?" she moaned as my I gently massaged her breasts through her sweater.

"Hmmm...good question," I responded, letting my hands roam to the bottom of her shirt and roaming back up, exploring her underneath the shirt, loving the feeling of her warmth against my cold hands.

"Do I climb on top of you?" she asked as she started nibbling on my neck, her hot breath causing me to shake with desire.

"Umm...yes," I moaned as she moved on top of me, her hands finding the crotch of my jeans and slightly rubbing my erection. Her fingers played with the button and then found the zipper pull the fly down and releasing me from the confines of my pants. The cold air caused me to gasp briefly but soon Meredith's hands were over me again, keeping me warm.

I braced myself against the hanging basket as my breath hitched in my throat with each caress. She leaned forward and murmured those words she had once said before, though this time they held a nice bit of irony. "Derek, take me for a ride."

I laughed as I moved my mouth to her neck. I loved her neck, it always was so soft and tasted so good. And I loved the way I could make her shiver from just licking it in the right place. My lips explored her skin just beneath her shirt collar, loving the fact I knew the shivers racking her body now were caused from desire and not from the cold. I loved my ability to make her shiver.

She stopped her caresses and reached down to undo her own jeans. I pulled them down slightly and pushed aside her underwear, lifting her hips up a bit to make my entrance a little easier. Neither of us were cold anymore, in fact, I could already feel the sweat beads on her skin. I licked her neck again, savoring the taste, and then entered her, both of us gasping with desire.

"Shhhh, quiet, we have to be quiet," I muttered into her hair as she began to move above me, slowly shifting up and down. My hands wound around her and grasped her ass, squeezing it tighly causing her mouth to open with a silent gasp. I leaned over and captured her lips with my own, loving the feeling of he riding me in a public place.

She moved up and down on me, her hair hanging down around her face. I moved a hand from her ass to push her hair off her face and kissed her. She began a faster rhythm, her body tensing as she rode me harder. "Derek," she gasped.

I pressed my fingers against her lips, "Shhhhh," I whispered, but had to bite back my own moan as her body clenched around mine again. There was no feeling in the world quite like this, the woman I loved clenching around me in complete abandon. This was everything.

Her entire body tensed with an intense orgasm and I kissed her in an attempt to quiet the scream that she was already beginning to emit. She pulled away from me and buried her face in my neck. "Oh god, Derek. Oh, oh, oh god."

Feeling her body tremor in aftershocks against mine was enough to push me over the edge as I released myself into her, muttering her name on a breath of air and burying my face into her hair. "God, Mer, I love you," I whispered, pulling her close while I was still inside her.

She didn't say anything as she struggled to catch her breath and leaned against me, her body still shaking with desire. We sat there for a few seconds and finally, she pulled up and away, her breath returning to normal. "That was..." she smiled at me as she pulled up her jeans again.

"That was something else," I said laughing roughly.

"Definitely," she nodded. "I mean, yeah. Something else."

I struggled to think of the best words to say next, to make her understood that I got where she was, what she was going through. The words were hard to find. "Mer..." I said, clearing my throat. "Say it when you're ready, whenever that time is, I can wait, Mer. I know. I know how...I just know."

She didn't say anything, she just reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. We sat in silence for a second and then the ride jerked again and we began moving down. Meredith kissed me lightly and said, "Thank you, Derek," she murmured. "And you may want to, um...well...zip your fly..."

I laughed and zipped up quickly. "It was an amazing night Mer," I told her, brushing some hair out of her face and smiling warmly at her.

"It was," she nodded and then held up the two teddy bears. "They may be scarred for life though."

"Yours was going to get scarred tonight anyway," I told her, grabbing them from her.

We got to the bottom and were let out, both ducking our heads from the maintenance guys to hide our flushed faces. "You know," she murmured as we walked towards my car, "Dillon doesn't come home until tomorrow afternoon."

"Is that an invitation to spend the night?" I winked at her.

"It's an invitation for coffee," she smiled. "And sex. And sleeping in."

"Sounds perfect, Mer," I told her, placing the two teddy bears in one hand and wrapping the other around her waste.

"Derek," she sighed as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Hmmm..." I said running my free hand through her hair.

"Derek," she stopped and looked up at me, her eyes filled with fear and worry. "I, uh, I love you."

My heart stopped. My heart entirely completely stopped. I knew the words had been coming, since the ferris wheel ride I knew that the words were on the tip of her tongue but she was scared. I hadn't expected to hear the words tonight and was surprised to find some wetness in my eyes. "I love you too," I whispered, pulling her close. My Meredith loved me.

_"I feel so secure when we're together, you give my life direction, you make everything so clear..."_


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: We are not worthy enough to own a global phenomenon like Grey's.**

I looked around the kitchen. It was wierd being here in the morning, it was wierd being here when it was empty. But wierd in a way I could get used to. Last night had been perfect, every moment of it. This morning had been perfect. Meredith loved me, she really loved me. And I loved her. And today I was feeling kind of cheesy and sappy that morning. Life wasn't supposed to be this good. She stood in front of the coffee maker, wearing nothing but that Dartmouth shirt, which I had discovered had a hole in the back of the neck. She tapped her fingers impatiently on the counter and I came up behind her, kissing her neck and lightly nibbling. "Hmmm," she smiled, turning in my arms, and meeting my lips. "Had a good shower?"

"Lonely, I had a lonely shower," I said pouting down at her.

"You're not all sexed out?" she giggled as she threw her arms around my neck.

She wrapped my legs around me as I gently picked her up. "With you I could never be all sexed out," I told her, placing her on the counter.

I kissed her, softly at first, but then harder, my hands already moving to remove the Dartmouth shirt. This was perfect. This felt amazing. I liked having someone to wake up to, to kiss on a kitchen counter in the morning. I pulled the t-shirt over her head and immediately ducked my head down to kiss her breasts, stopping when I heard my pager.

"Shit, shit, shit," I mumbled relunctantly pulling away and looking at it. "I gotta go," I told her frowning.

"I thought you weren't on until eleven?" she sighed, pulling her t-shirt back on.

"I'm not, but apparently they need me now. I'm sorry, Mer," I said, kissing her quickly. "I'd rather stay here."

"It's fine," she grinned, pouring the now ready coffee into a thermos and handing it to me. "Dillon will be home in an hour anyway."

"Tell him I say hi," I said accepting the coffee and giving her another quick kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too," she smiled and then poured herself her own cup. I ran out of the house and quickly out to my car, cursing my career choice. I loved being a doctor, but there were days, days like today, when I wished I could stay in bed with my girlfriend. I quickly called the hospital to tell them I would be coming and then raced there, wishing I had chosen another career.

The day couldn't go fast enough. Meredith had invited me over for dinner again, we were getting into that routine, spending all our time together, getting used to being aroudn each other. And I just wanted to get home to her and Dillon, my night with my family. My surgeries today were all regular, boring, routine. Nothing held my attention.

I had a few consults to do, but otherwise, everything was just normal. I had to explain to my mother that I couldn't just leave the hospital for two hours for dinner, and she threatened to kill me for my attitude, but other than that, nothing was happening. Nothing was changing. None of this really felt important anymore. The only thing that mattered was my family.

My day was finally coming to a close, after a day of buzzing from one place to another without ever really stopping in one. Not stopping made the day go quicker and that's what I needed. I just needed to get home and it was soon. Suddenly my pager went off, they needed me for a consult in the pit.

I took the elevator and downstairs and began walking towards the pit, taking out my phone to text Meredith and tell her I might be late when suddenly, I looked up and saw Yang and Karev run into a room. The same room I was headed to. Why would they need cardio, gynie, and neuro in one room? It didn't make sense. And then suddenly, my heart stopped. Meredith.

I rushed into the room, my heart pounding so hard that I could hear it in my head. Meredith. Meredith. I reached the room and wildly look around. Karev and Cristina were there barking out orders. But there seemed to be no Meredith. And then I heard the crying and saw him. "Dillon? Bud?" I said, walking towards him in a trance. "What happened? What happened?" I snapped to everyone else in the room.

"He fell out of a tree," Meredith suddenly whimpered from the corner where she was kneeling, tears streaming down her cheeks. "He was climbing a tree in the back yard and he fell."

My heart picked up it's pace again. He fell from a tree, so much could be wrong with him. If he hit his head...and I couldn't fix him, not this case. Because he was my son, for all argumentative reasons he was my son. And if something serious was wrong with him, I don't know what Meredith and I would do. I blinked a tear out of my eyes and tried to smile encouragingly at her. "Bud, you okay?" I asked Dillon, surprised with the strain in my voice.

"My arm hurts," he cried, holding up his obviously broken left arm.

"Did you page an ortho?" I asked a nurse standing nearby. She looked at me blankly, "Someone page ortho, get Dr. Torres in here!" I barked turning back to meet Dillon's teary gaze. "Anywhere else bud? Did you hit your head?" I asked trying to keep my voice calm, surprised at the fear in my voice. I was used to dealing with injured children, a lot worse than this. But they weren't usually mine.

Before he could answer, the door slammed open and a male's voice yelled, "What the hell happened?" I turned to see Dr. Kelley come in, anger etched onto his features, his eyes blazing. "What the hell happened?"

I decided to ignore him, it didn't matter what exactly he was doing here. Right now I had to make sure Dillon was okay. "Bud, how's the head?" I asked again, crouching down to see him better.

"You couldn't even watch your own damn son?" Dr. Kelley screamed into Meredith's tear stained face. "Four hours, Meredith! Four fucking hours and he's in here surrounded by doctors. What the hell kind of mother are you that you couldn't watch your own damn son!"

Why the hell was he yelling at Meredith, Dr. Kelley had no reason to yell at Meredith. No one did, but let alone a man who didn't even know her. "Stop!" I yelled. "Just stop, Dillon doesn't need yelling. And why are you even here Dr. Kelley, we don't need a cardio consult."

"He's my son," Dr. Kelley turned and stared at me. "He's my son and his good for nothing mother couldn't watch him long enough to make sure he didn't climb that damn tree."

Dr. Kelley was that jack ass Lucas? Dr. Kelly was my Dillon's father? Of course that wasn't the important thing. "You do not snap at Meredith! You of all people don't get to yell at Meredith!" I shouted at him.

"I can yell at her as much as I damn want!" Lucas shouted right back, his face red with anger. "I dropped him off four hours ago. Four hours ago he didn't have a broken arm. Four hours ago he wasn't being examined by the head of neurosurgery."

"You can't yell at her, not here! Her son is in this room, hurt and scared and no, no yelling, not here, not now!" I shouted, and laughing slightly at him. "And you are the last person who can attack someone for being a bad parent."

"Who the hell are you to say I'm a bad parent?" Lucas growled. "You don't know a damn thing about my family. Not a single fucking thing. You don't have the right to accuse me of being a bad parent, Shepherd."

I heard a sniffle behind me and turned around to see Dillon back to being in tears. "He's mommy's boyfriend. Derek's mommy's boyfriend, right mommy?" Dillon asked, looking at Meredith.

Meredith nodded mutely, tears still streaming down her cheeks and Lucas turned to her, standing menacingly over her. "You have a fucking boyfriend and you didn't tell me?" he shouted.

Dr. Torres chose that moment to slip into the room and she looked around with a confused look on her face. "Bud, Dr. Torres is here to look after your arm. She's a friend of mine so she'll take care of you. When she's done I'll come look at your head." Dillon nodded tearfully at me and I gave him a kiss on the head before turning back to his father. "You in the hallway. You are not yelling at your son when he's getting a cast put on! Out!"

Lucas marched out of the door, Meredith following close behind him. I followed her and tried to grab her hand, tried to do something that would reassure her. But this wasn't my Meredith from last night or this morning. This was hurt Meredith. This was Meredith from a month ago. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, Meredith," he was screaming at her again. "Don't you think I have a right to know what the hell is going on in my son's life?"

"Der...Derek and I are newish, we haven't ...and it's new...and...I'm sorry," Meredith said in tears. God, this hurt, seeing her hurt like this again. She had come so far in the past month and now this. I just wanted to hold her.

"He's my son, Meredith," Lucas said. "My son. I have the right to know if you're even dating someone. If you're even going out on dates. Is that why he fell? Were the two of you too busy fucking?"

I hated Lucas for a while now, now I really did. "You have no idea what you're talking about, none! So before you say another word, think for a second. Think." I said, stepping in front of Meredith feeling the need to protect her. "Does she even know about your girlfriend?"

"Of course she does," Lucas scoffed. "Kimberly and I have been living together for six months now. Dillon loves her."

"Dillon loves Derek," Meredith said in a small voice from behind me. God she made me proud, just that tiny statement made everything better for me.

"I don't give a shit," he turned to her, disgust dripping from his every word. "I don't want my son around him."

"What?" Meredith and I said in unison, shock in both of our voices. Dillon was my son, even if he might be technically Lucas's, he was mine, in the past month he had become my son. Lucas couldn't take him away from me.

"If you can't be a good enough mother to take care of my son because you want to fuck some rich neurosurgeon," Lucas lowered his voice, "I'll take him off your hands."

"What Meredith and I have has nothing to do with fucking. Nothing! We love each other. And Meredith...Meredith is an amazing mother although I can't say the same for your fathering skills," I yelled.

"I am a perfect father," he yelled right back, getting into my face. "I would never let my son fall out of a tree. And as for you loving Meredith. Meredith has never loved any one in her life. She's not capable of it. Fuck 'em and go, that's your precious Meredith's motto."

I heard a whimper from behind me and turned around to find Meredith shaking with sobs. There were somethings more important fighting with this jackass. I walked away from the fuming Lucas and pulled Meredith into my arms, grateful when she melted into them. "It's okay, Mer, it's going to be okay."

Lucas stepped up to us and stared down at Meredith. "I'm contacting my attorney tonight," he stated. "And I'm suing for custody." And with that, he turned and left me with a sobbing Meredith.

I held her closer, as close as humanly possibly. I just held her and ignored the tears running down my face. She needed me right now, and god I wasn't going anywhere. "It's okay, Mer, it's okay. He's not going to take him away, it's okay."

"He's right," she sobbed. "I'm a terrible mother. I turned away and he climbed the tree. And now, god...he could be hurt. Lucas is right. I'm a terrible mother."

I pulled back slighly and made her meet my eyes. "Meredith Grey, you are an amazing mother. Never let anyone tell you different. Amazing. You turned around, it happens, it was a mistake that happens. That doesn't mean anything. And he will be fine, do you want me to go check on him?"

She nodded and tried to stop crying. "Derek, I love him," she whimpered. "He's my son."

"I know, Mer, I love him too. He's my son too," I told her, trying my best to comfort her as I led her back into the room where Dillon sat talking to Dr. Torress about the colour of his cast.

"Derek!" Dillon turned to me, a smile lighting up his tear stained face. "Callie says I can pick whatever color I want! Blue or red or green?"

"It's up to you, bud," I said smiling. "How's the head?"

"It hurts a little," he admitted. "I think I like blue. Maybe I should ask my daddy."

"Daddy's gone, hun," Meredith said sounding shaky.

"Oh," his face fell. "Mommy, what do you think? Blue or red or green?"

"What Derek said, it's up to you," Meredith said. She sounded so hurt, I rubbed her back gently.

"Callie, what do you think?" he turned to Callie. "Blue or red or green?"

"Blue's pretty cool," Callie said enthusiastically.

"I think so too," he nodded. "Okay, I want blue. Derek, will you sign my blue arm?"

"Of course I will bud. But I have to check out your head first, mommy's orders," I told him nodding seriously.

"Okay," he shrugged. "Is my Daddy mad at me?"

"No, he's mad at me," Meredith said sounding nervous.

"Why?" Dillon asked as I shined my penlight into his eyes.

"Sometimes adults get mad for no good reason," I explained gently. "And I don't think he doesn't like me very much."

"Daddy's silly," Dillon giggled. "Derek, you gotta take me fishing now. Cause I'm hurted."

"I promise to take you my next day off," I told him ruffling up his hair and turning to look up at Meredith. "Everything seems fine. I can take him for a CT if you want to be sure, but it's not needed."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked. "No blood clots? Maybe a light concussion? I mean, what about an aneurysm? He fell so hard."

I laughed gently at Meredith as I stood up and placed a comforting hand on the small of her back. "Everything seems fine Meredith. We'll keep an eye on him tonight but he should be fine."

"Am I spending the night?" Dillon asked.

"You don't have to," I said laughing gently at him. "I think I can make a house call just this once."

"Hey, Dillon," Callie smiled at him, "I have to set your arm now. Okay? So I'm going to have to give you medicine so it doesn't hurt."

Dillon looked up at Meredith and I with terror in his eyes. "It's okay bud, your mom and I are staying right here."

"And when Dr. Torres is done," Meredith smiled, brushing his hair off his forehead, "Derek and Mommy will take you for ice cream."

"Yay!" Dillon said, forgetting about his arm for a second.

"Mer!" George suddenly came running into the room, his eyes wide. "Cristina called me. What happened?"

"Dillon fell out of a tree. His arm, he broke his arm. But Derek said he's fine," Meredith said, trying to manage a wobly smile.

"I'm okay, Uncle George," Dillon nodded. "Callie's gonna give me a blue cast!"

George looked at Callie with a look of confusion on his face obviously wondering why Dillon had warmed up so well. "George this is Dr. Callie Torres, Callie this is Meredith's friend George."

"Hi," Callie nodded at him as she injected some pain killer into Dillon's IV.

Dillon just grinned obviously trying to be strong, he was such a great kid. I pulled Meredith closer to me. "Are you okay?" I whispered in her ear.

She shook her head against my chest, and I could hear her trying to choke back tears. "He's going to take him away, Derek."

"No he's not, Mer. He's not taking him anywhere," I reassured her.

"He didn't even want him," she sighed as we watched Callie set Dillon's arm. "He's my life, Derek. Six years ago, I didn't even like kids. But Dillon..."

"Dillon's something special," I told her, rubbing her arms up and down. "We're a family Meredith, he's not going to hurt that. You and Dillon aren't alone anymore, you have me."

_Hold you through the night, and you'll be unaware, but if you need me I'll be there_


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: If we owned GA we would know if Derek is okay on tonight's episode or not. Instead we're stuck worrying. Happy Grey's Day!!**

In the two days since Dillon fell out of the tree in his backyard, his cast has become covered in signatures. It had started innocently enough, Callie had been the first to sign it, then Meredith, and then me. Now, as he holds his cast out for me to examine, there isn't a single space on the entire cast. I can't help but smile as he talks about everyone who has signed his cast, right down to the janitor at the hospital. We had finally gotten on the fishing trip that I had promised him. The timing couldn't have been better. Meredith was fine, at least that's what she kept saying, even though I knew better than to actually believe her, but getting Dillon out of the house was good. Especially spending a day alone with him, our first day alone. This morning Dillon had bounded down the stairs when I picked him up, and yet I think I was more excited.

Meredith had given me a light kiss on the cheek as we were leaving, Dillon talking animatedly about all the fish he was going to get. We were only ten minutes into the trip, so he wasn't bored yet. I knew it was coming, but I couldn't help but enjoy this time with him. I couldn't imagine ever cancelling on him, ever leaving him. He was the little boy I had always wanted. And I was his friend.

I thought about telling him to calm down a bit, knowing that once we got to fishing all this chatter would keep the fish away. It usually annoyed me when people talked while fishing with me. But I couldn't imagine telling him to stop talking, he was so excited about it, so happy to be fishing with me. I couldn't bring myself to keep him quiet. This was more important than how many fish we caught.

"...And then Phil told me that he braked his finger once. I told him my whole arm was braked! And he didn't even have a blue finger, like I have a blue arm. So I called him stupid and mommy got angry at me. But he was being stupid, wasn't he, Derek?"

"I'm not going to answer that," I said wanting to agree, but terrified to. Because if Dillon told Meredith I said Phil was being stupid, I don't think Meredith would be very happy with me.

He laughed and said, "That means yes. That's like when my daddy says, mommy says I shouldn't have ice cream. That means, but I say so. And that means it's a secret."

Daddy. I silently seethed at just the reference. Lucas was a complete ass, I wanted to punch him the other day, and if Dillon hadn't been around I would have. He had Meredith so upset. And he couldn't take Dillon away from us, even if he Dillon apparently liked him. "You and your daddy get along well?" I asked him casually.

"Yep," Dillon nodded. "He tucks me in and reads me stories, and sometimes, I read him stories. And when Mommy had her ppendis out, I stayed with daddy for a whole week and he played games with me and we went out for ice cream and we had loads of fun."

That didn't even sound like Lucas, Lucas who cancelled on Meredith and Dillon, Lucas who threatened to take Dillon away from us. "So he's a good dad?"

"He's the best daddy," Dillon nodded. "Cept when he has to surgeon. And then I can't stay with him. But after he's done surgeoning, he calls me on the phone at mommy's house and asks me to read him a story. He's the best daddy in the whole world."

"I'm glad, bud," I said, looking at him and happy to see the smile on his face. It didn't change my mind about the man, he had hurt Meredith. But it was good to know that he was at least a good father to Dillon.

"You know when else he's not a good daddy?" Dillon apparently wanted to continue the conversation. And I was okay with that. I needed to find out more about Lucas.

"When?" I asked, a little worried at the answer.

"When he calls me Dill pickle," Dillon scrunched up his face. "That's what he wrote on my blue arm, see."

I laughed slightly and scrunched up my face in the same way. "Dill pickle? I think bud suits you much better."

"Me too," he nodded. "Derek, will my daddy be mad that you're my friend?"

Ah, one of those times that I definitely wish Meredith was here to dodge this question. Because that answer was complicated and not really something that Dillon needed to hear at all. I wanted to be honest, but knew I couldn't be. "He has no reason to be. He's your dad and I'm just your friend," I said, giving him the best answer I could.

"Tommy at school said when his mommy and daddy fought, his daddy left and he got a new daddy," Dillon sighed, staring out into the water. "And I heard Mommy and daddy fighting."

Dillon never asked complicated questions when Meredith was around, this was just my luck. "Mommy and daddy's fight sometimes, bud. And sometimes some kids get new daddies, but they never loose their first one. Your daddy will always be your daddy, no matter what happens with him and your mom."

"Will you be my new daddy?" he looked up at me, a smile spreading across his small face. "Tommy at school said his new daddy was his mommy's boyfriend. And you're my mommy's boyfriend. So that means you're my new daddy."

My heart tightened slightly at the thought, because truthfully I wanted to be his daddy. I honestly wanted to be his daddy. I cleared my throat hoping that my emotions didn't come through too much. "Maybe. What do you think of that?"

He shrugged. "You're a good daddy too. And mommy likes you. But you have to promise not to fight with mommy. Because then I'd have three daddies. And two is a lot anyway."

I laughed. "Bud, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with just the two dads."

He nodded and then looked up at me, his blue eyes shining with happiness but then suddenly turning serious. "Derek?"

"Yes?" I asked, just as seriously.

"Do you love my mommy?"

That was an easy question, finally a blessedly easy question. "Yes, I love your mommy very much."

He sighed and then said, "Do you want to marry my mommy?"

"Actually, that's something I definitely want to talk to you about, but Dillon, you can't repeat a word of this conversation to your mommy. It's our secret for life or longer," I said, looking at him.

"Life or longer," he repeated. "Should I cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye?"

"Might be a good idea," I nodded back.

"Okay," he nodded and then crossed his heart with his fingers.

"I love your mommy a lot. And I love you a lot too. And I want to spend the rest of my life with both of you. But before I make any plans, I need to talk to you. Because you, bud, are the most important person in your mommy's life. So I need permission. Dillon, is it okay if I date your mommy?" I asked him.

He looked at me very seriously, his eyes scrunched up as he thought for a few minutes. "You can't ever hurt her," he said slowly. "Ever. You can't pull her hair. Or make her cry. Or steal the last cookie. And you always have to let her have the last pudding cup."

"I promise I will never do anything to hurt her. And she can always have the last pudding cup," I told him smiling at the trivial stuff he made me promise, when really I would have promised him anything.

"Pinky swear," he said, holding out his uninjured arm.

I reached over and linked my finger with his. "Pinky swear."

"Okay," he nodded resolutely. "You can date my mommy. But you can't ever leave us. Ever."

"Dillon, I will never, ever leave either of you. Ever. I'm going to marry her, bud. You're stuck with me forever," I told him seriously.

"Good," he smiled and then stared at his fishing pole for a few minutes before turning back to me. "Derek."

"Yes, bud?" I asked him, amused by all of his questions.

"I'm really bored," he sighed. "Where are the fishies?"

"Fishies tend not to come if we talk a lot, and we've been talking a lot," I explained.

"Okay," he said very seriously. "We can't talk anymore. Because I told mommy I'd catch her a fish."

"Okay," I nodded letting silence fall between us. I looked over at him a few minutes later to find him staring intently at the water, as if he was willing for a fish to come along. And for his sake I hoped it would. I didn't want Dillon disappointed with his first fishing trip. Especially not when he was so intent on catching a fish for Meredith.

He started humming and then turned to stare at me, his eyes wide. "Oops, sorry," he whispered and I bit back a laugh. He looked so much like Meredith, and had so many of her habits, that it was impossible to believe that Lucas was his father. And right now, as I watched him stare at the water, I realized that I couldn't wait to be Dillon's daddy. Because even though he had Lucas, he needed me. And I needed him. My life since I had finished med school had become something ever so slightly empty. I filled it with work but still it was empty. All I had was my family dinners on Sundays. But now I had this, I had my own family. Meredith was it for me, she filled my life so much. But Dillon was a whole other part, he filled a hole I hadn't even quite understood existed. I had always wanted kids, there was no doubt about that. Since the first time I had held my first niece in my arms, I had known I wanted kids. But I hadn't started missing them. I hadn't even thought of it was a priority. Until now. Dillon was my reminder that there was something out there more important than surgery. Dillon was that burst of innocence in my life that I needed sometimes. When Meredith and I got married, which I was starting to hope would be sooner rather than later, I knew I wanted some of my own with her. Dillon was hers, and mine and Lucas's. I wanted some that were just ours, mine and hers. I'd always love Dillon, there is no one I could love more, but I wanted some of my own.

"Derek," Dillon turned to me. "What does it feel like when a fishy comes and eats your pole?"

"There's a tug, like something is pulling on the other end," I explained. "Why?"

"Cause my pole is moving," he laughs. "See!"

"It is!" I exclaimed. "Do you need my help pulling it in?" I asked him, moving to put my own pole down.

"Yeah," he nodded quickly. "Cause I don't think my blue arm is working!"

I laughed as I moved around him, placing my hands over his tiny ones. "Just hold it really tight, bud. And you have to crank it just like this," I said, using my hands to guide him in doing just that.

He was laughing as the fish finally came out of the water, and it was a big one. I was definitely a little jealous. Once we had the fish out of the water though, his face fell. "Derek, is he dead?"

"Not yet," I told him seriously, as it flopped slightly on the ground. "But...ummm...if you want to take it home to your mommy, well it's going to have to be dead."

His eyes watered a little and he shook his head. "Derek, fix him! Surgeon him!"

"I can...I can put him back in the water if you want," I told him quickly.

"Put him back! Put him back!" he was close to throwing a tantrum now, I could see it in his eyes. "Derek, you're gonna kill him! Put him back!"

I grabbed the fish quickly and threw him back in the water, turning around and pulling Dillon into my arms, hoping the tears wouldn't come. "It's okay, bud. The fish is going to be okay."

"I don't like fishing," he sobbed into my shirt. "I don't want the fishies to die.

"It's okay, bud, it's okay. The fishies don't have to die," I muttered, pulling him close to me.

"He's gonna be okay?" Dillon pulled back and looked in my eyes, tears still staining his cheeks.

"He'll be just fine," I nodded, wiping some tears off his cheeks. "I took care of him."

"Good," he whimpered. "Derek, I don't wanna fish anymore."

"Okay, bud. How about we go get some ice cream?" I asked, smiling at him.

"A sundae with chocolate sprinkles?" he asked.

"Whatever you want," I answered.

"Okay," he sniffled. "I'm sorry I don't like fishing, Derek."

"It's okay, bud. You don't have to like fishing. We can find other things to do together," I reassured him.

"Let's go," he said, wiping his face with his uninjured hand.

"Okay," I said, starting to gather our stuff up. "Are we okay, bud?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Come on Daddy Derek. I want ice cream."

Daddy Derek. He called me Daddy. Our fishing trip had been less than perfect but he had called me Daddy. Out of the best moments of my life this ranked up there with the moment that Meredith had told me she loved me. As we walked back to the car, his tiny hand resting in mine, I couldn't get over the change my life had had in such a short time. I was in love. And I had a son. I was a daddy.

_"In a world where sincerity has lost its meaning, you fill my world with so much hope."_


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Meredith and Derek would be getting more than 1.5 minutes together during an episode. **

My heart thudded in my chest as we drove closer and closer to what may very well be my doom. And I could just imagine how nervous Meredith must be. I wanted her to meet my family. She had to eventually, because her and Dillon were my family. I wanted her to meet them, but that did nothing to calm the nerves in my stomach. My family would love her, they had to love her. Everything was going to be fine. I still wasn't quite sure how I had convinced her to come. It had been a sneak attack, and I had used Dillon's big blue eyes to con his mother. Over ice cream after the doomed fishing trip, I had told Dillon that my mommy wanted to meet him and his mommy. He had warmed to the idea immediately, and had no qualms about begging his mom for this. I was a sad pathetic person. Using a six year old. I was almost Mark. But better.

I looked to the back to find Dillon sounds asleep, Sam in his arms. He had been to excited to sleep last night and it was obviously catching up with him now. I turned to look at Meredith, to find her chewing her bottom lips and fiddling with her fingers. "Mer, you okay?" I asked.

"What?' she turned to look at me, her eyes wide. I knew she hadn't been sleeping very well lately. And as much as I wanted to help her, she had a tendency to pull back into herself. It was Lucas, of course. He had called Meredith and demand to have Dillon for the weekend, but Meredith had refused. Lucas exhausted her. And he worried her. But at this moment, I knew it wasn't Lucas bothering her.

"Meredith, they're going to love you," I told her for what felt like the hundredth time since she had given in. But that's okay, I can be patient.

"What if they don't?" she sighed. "I'm not the type of girl parents love. In fact, I'm not the type of girl you take home. I like tequila. And one night stands and I'm really bad at intimacy and parents. What if they don't? What if your mom thinks I'm some kind of gold digging floozy or something? And...well, what if they don't?"

"That's not possible. You're amazing, and brilliant, and perfect for me Meredith. And they'll love you for it. And please remember, you don't love one night stands any more. If you even think of having a one night stand..." I threatened, letting the sentence trail off into an easy laugh.

She let out a strained laugh, but the worry was still prevalent in her eyes. "We're moving really fast, Derek."

"I know we are. It's just...with you, this all feels right," I told her, reaching over to hold her hand. "But if you need to slow down we can."

She squeezed my hand and sighed. "I don't know," she admitted. "Dillon loves you. He practically worships you. He says you surgeoned a fish, but then says something about a secret for life or longer. And I love you. I, just, I don't know. What if they don't like me?'

"Meredith, I'm quite one hundred percent certain that it's impossible to not like you," I told her, smiling broadly at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm freaking out," she sighed. "It's just, with everything. I don't know. Lucas and Dillon. And you and Dillon. And everything. And Lucas. And everything is just so, I don't know."

"Mer, it's okay. You're allowed to freak out," I told her, giving her a warm half smile. "You have me. Everything is going to work itself out."

"What if it doesn't?" she murmured. "He wants to take Dillon. He wants to take him and Dillon...Dillon's everything. He's my life. And you're in my life. And Lucas was in my life and he still is because he's Dillon's dad. And Dillon loves him but I can't stand to see him anymore. And what if nothing works out. And I'm meeting your parents. And Dillon has a broken arm. And you got ice cream on his Thomas the Tank Engine shirt."

"I said I was sorry about the shirt. And it will work out. No court would take him away from you. You're the most amazing mom, you'll keep him. We'll keep him. Dillon isn't going anywhere," I said. Although I was scared myself. I couldn't imagine mine and Meredith's lifes without Dillon. But Meredith didn't need me to be scared right now.

"I turned my back and he climbed a tree, Derek," she whispered. "And he broke his arm. And he bumped his head. He could have died. I'm an awful, terrible mother. I don't know the first thing about being a parent."

"You gave up med school for him. You make him into a Dillon-rito every night. You pushed me away, you ignored your own feelings because you always put Dillon first, Mer. The falling out of a tree thing, it happens. When I was 4 I walked into a pool and nearly drowned, no one took me away from my mom. Mistakes happen," I reassured her.

She sighed as we came up to my mom's house and I inwardly groaned. I had thought this would be the usual small Shepherd family gathering, my sisters, Mark, maybe a brother in law, and my mom. Instead, from the looks of things, the entire Shepherd clan was here for Sunday dinner. "Is this it?" she turned to me, fear clouding her green eyes.

I nodded silently, squeezing her hand tightly. "You can do this, Mer."

She sighed and turned to the back. "Dillon. Dill, we're here."

I turned around to find Dillon moving around, in the process of waking up. "I get to meet my new grandma?" he asked, excitement coming through his sleepiness.

Meredith bit her bottom lip and then turned to me. "Um, Dill, Derek's mom is, well..." She trailed off and stared at me, her eyes begging me to answer.

"My mom is just as excited to meet you as you are her, bud," I answered avoiding the grandma issue entirely. Because my mom would want to be called grandma, she had been calling Dillon grandson since the second she heard about him.

"Yay!" he grinned, now fully awake and trying to unbuckle his seat belt. "Derek, can I take Sam in? He doesn't like to be in the car by himself."

"Of course you can, my mom will want to meet him too," I told him, moving to get out of the car and let him out of the back seat.

"Good," Dillon nodded and then looked down at his bear. "Sam, you gotta be good. Mommy says if we're not nice and 'spectful, we won't get dessert. So be nice and 'spectful."

We were all out of the car by now, so I took Meredith's hand as we walked up the path to the house. "Breathe, Mer, just remember to breathe," I whispered in her ear.

"I'm breathing," she sighed, though it was obvious she hadn't been. "Dillon, please remember to use your manners."

"I'll be good, Mommy!" he told her, smiling up at the both of us.

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "Now, you have four sisters, right?"

"Yep," I nodded. "Nancy, Kathleen, Leah and Erin."

"Okay," she nodded. "I can do this."

"You can," I told her confidently, ignoring the nerves that were swimming in my own stomach. No matter how much faith I had this was my family, meeting my Meredith and my Dillon. It was damn scary. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

My mother had to have been waiting by the door. There was no other explanation for how quickly the door flung open. She smiled widely and then embraced me. "Derek! I'm glad to see you could finally make it to a family dinner." She was definitely still pissed about me cancelling the last two times.

"Sorry, Mom. Important surgeries," I tried to explain, again, hugging her back and then stepping a way and resting an arm on Meredith's back. "This is Meredith and Dillon," I said proudly.

Dillon looked up at her, the smile suddenly dropping from his face as he held Sam closer. "Is nice to meet you," he mumbled quietly, more to his bear than to my mom.

Dillon was playing shy. I hadn't known Dillon very long but in the time I had I had never seen him anything close to shy. "It's nice to meet you too," my mom responded crouching down to his level.

"My name is Dillon Grey and I'm six," he said softly. "And this is Sam. He's six too."

"Well Dillon and Sam, welcome to my home. There's some other little kids around the house too that would love to meet you two," she told him ruffling his hair like I always do.

"Really?" a smile finally broke free. "Mommy, can I go play with the other kids?"

"Of course you can," Meredith all but whispered. "Behave yourself."

"Did you hear that, Sam?" Dillon said to his bear as he ran off to look for my nieces and nephews, "we gotta behave yourself."

As soon as Dillon was gone my mom's attention switched to Meredith. "So nice to finally meet you," she said, pulling Meredith into the tight hug I had grown up with.

"Oh, um," Meredith was already stammering, "it's nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd. Really nice. You have a beautiful home. And uh, Derek's told me so much about you. And um, your home."

My mom laughed warmly. "Derek's told me a lot about you as well. You and your son have my son wrapped around your tiny fingers."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, looking at me. "I know he's missed some family dinners and I'm sorry. I mean, sometimes he's at the hospital and sometimes he's at our house. And Dillon loves him. And I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"Yes, hun, you are," I said, pulling her close to me and pressing my lips against her forehead quickly. "She's a little nervous. And when she's nervous she rambles," I explained to my mom.

"That's fine, dear," my mom laughed. "Derek paces. Just like his father. He could burn a hole in the carpet with all of his pacing."

"Yeah. I've noticed. He's paced before, with me. I've seen him pace," Meredith said, giggling nervously and looking up at me.

"Great, thanks for ganging up on me," I rolled my eyes. "So, Mom, is the entire Shepherd clan here?"

"Yep, they all showed up tonight, even Markie," my mom said, smiling in a way that made it quite obvious everyone had planned on showing up in the first place.

"Markie?" Meredith turned to me, a question in her eyes.

"Apparently you finally get to meet the infamous Mark. I'm sorry," I told her sincerely. Meredith had barely been ready to meet my mom. And Mark was...Mark.

"Now, come inside!" my mother stood to the side. "Everyone is in the kitchen. Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes."

'Mer, you okay?" I asked her quietly, noticing the familiar panic in her eyes.

"Your mom is nice," she whispered to me. "But everyone. I mean, your sisters and their husbands. And their kids. And Mark. Derek, seriously?"

"We can turn around and leave now if you want. You might never get your son back, but we can leave, " I volunteered an escape route.

Before she could answer, Mark entered the foyer, a huge smile on his face. "Ah, Shep, is this the infamous MILF?"

I turned and looked at Meredith's wide eyes and mouthed a quick I'm sorry. And then I turned back to the ass that was like a brother. From a very different mother. "Mark, this is Meredith, she has a name. Meredith this is Mark, you don't have to talk to him. Ever."

"Of course you have to," he flashed a grin at her, the grin that caused millions of drunken girls everywhere to swoon. "No one can resist Mark Sloan. You know, you are way out of Derek's league."

Meredith giggled softly and looked at me and then at Mark. And then at me again. And back and forth. "I am?"

"Definitely," he winked at her. "You'd do much better with someone like me. You know, I love kids. I do."

Meredith looked at me, confused, pleading and overwhelmed. "I won't be insulted if you spend the rest of your life ignoring him," I told her.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Dillon came running in, Sam still in his hand, but a huge smile on his face. "There's a train set! I want a train set!'

Meredith laughed, really laughed for the first time that day. Actually for the first time since Dillon's accident. "You'll have to ask Santa about that at Christmas."

"Okay!" Dillon nodded and then turned to Mark, who was surveying him with interest. "Hi, I'm Dillon Grey. And I'm six. And I'm in school. This is Sam. He's six too. And he's a bear. What about you?"

Mark shot me a skeptical look and I couldn't help but smirk at him, wondering how Mark who tended to avoid all the kids in the family would handle this one. "I'm Mark Sloan, I'm Derek's best friend. And I'm definitely not 6," Mark said, sticking his hand out to shake Dillon's.

"How old are you?" Dillon asked seriously. "Are you old like Derek? Cause Derek's forty. And that's old."

"I guess I'm old then," Mark said grimacing. "I don't look as old as Derek, do I?"

"You look older," Dillon said. "Do you surgeon too?"

"Surgeon?" Mark asked looking at us.

Meredith was trying really hard not to laugh as she answered, "He wants to know if you're a surgeon."

"Oh, yeah, I'm a surgeon," Mark said, looking down at Dillon.

"Derek surgeons brains," Dillon informed him. "And my daddy surgeons hearts. So does my aunt Cris. And my uncle Alex surgeons babies. What do you surgeon?"

"I'm a plastic surgeon," Mark answered.

"You surgeon plastic?" Dillon's eyes went wide and then he turned to me. "Derek, your surgeons are much cooler."

"I know, bud. Brain surgery is just about the coolest," I said, crouching down to tuck back in his dress shirt that had come out in the back. "But Mark doesn't surgeon plastic. It's just what they're called. He makes people prettier."

"Oh," Dillon said slowly and then looked up at Mark. "Will you sign my blue cast, Mr. Mark?"

"Sure, kiddo. How did you break your arm?" Mark asked.

"Fell out of my tree," he answered. "Now my arm is blue. Derek says he had a blue arm once too."

"I remember when Derek's arm was blue. He was trying to impress some chick and fell of his bike. Good times," Mark laughed.

Meredith laughed and I glared at Mark, wanting to kill him on the spot. "Have you ever had a blue arm, Mr. Mark?"

"Nope. I had a blue leg once from a skiing accident though," Mark told him.

"Mark, leave that poor boy alone," my mother suddenly appeared behind my supposed best friend, her towel already in her hands. "Meredith, everyone is dying to meet you. I'm sorry if Markie has been bothering you. Despite my best efforts, he still lacks manners."

"I haven't been bothering her. She's thinking about leaving Derek for me, right Meredith?" he asked her.

"Of course, Markie," she rolled her eyes at him and then smiled at me, squeezing my hand.

"Ready, Mer?" I asked her, again.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I mean, how bad can your sisters be? Not worse than Markie...right?"

"No one is worse than Mark," I told her. She had survived Mark. She had survived Mark and my mom with flying colours. The rest would be fine. I knew she could do this. She was Meredith.

**So this is the first part of the Shepherd family dinner...the second part will be up tomorrow. And yes...that was Meredith and Derek actually talking about their lives and communicating. We're just as shocked as you are. (and yes we're still bitter)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's…Patrick Dempsey would actually be the lead instead of a pretty face. What? No…we're no still bitter. Not at all.**

I held Meredith's hand tightly in mine as we made our way to the kitchen, squeezing her small fingers once or twice in assurance. Dillon trailed behind us, still talking animatedly to Mark, who seemed to be enjoying the company of the six year old and his bear. I smiled slightly and then turned to Meredith, prepared for her reaction to the busy scene in my mother's kitchen. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Her eyes widened as we entered the room, where the men sat around the table talking and the women buzzed around the kitchen, cooking and talking loudly. My family was never quiet, I didn't think my family could do quiet. I had grown up with this, and I loved this. But Meredith, the interns were quiet compared to this and I wasn't quite sure how she could handle this.

I looked around the kitchen and tried to see what Meredith was seeing. I knew my family was huge, I mean, nine nieces, five nephews. My family was huge. But the look on Meredith's face told me she hadn't expected so many people. I squeezed her hand and she looked up at me, fear in her eyes. I wanted to tell her again how much my family would love her, but my sisters were suddenly upon us.

"So this must be Meredith," Nancy said, looking her up and down.

"Of course it's Meredith, Nance," Leah laughed. "Who else would it be? Derek's other girlfriend?'

"Nice to meet you Meredith," Kathleen said. "Derek hasn't been brave enough to bring a girl home since college."

"That's not true," Erin said. "Remember Kendra? No wait, that was Mark wasn't it?"

"That was Mark," I nodded, rolling my eyes at the way my sisters buzzed around us.

"It's great to meet you, Meredith," Leah smiled, pulling Meredith in for a hug. "I'm Leah."

"And this is Nancy, Erin and Kathleen," I finished for them pointing to each one as they gave her quick hugs.

"Um, hi," Meredith smiled, her hand automatically finding mine again once Kathleen had let her go. "It's uh, really great to meet you guys. Really, really great. Derek's told me so much about the four of you."

"We're not as bad as he makes us sound," Nancy laughed, hitting my lightly on the arm.

"No, you're worse," I shot back at her. Nancy was fun to tease, mainly because she could tease right back. Leah and Erin always tended to freak out and stammer. Nancy was ready with a comeback.

"Just because we used to dress you up like a girl, you'd think you'd be over that by now," she said shaking her head.

Meredith turned around to find Dillon, who was already stepping forward, a huge grin on his face. "Hi," he said, looking at my four sisters. "I'm Dillon Grey. I'm six. And I'm in school. This is Sam. He's six too. He's a bear."

"So you're my son's new best friend," Kathleen said, having apparently heard all about Dillon from her son Sullivan. "Nice to meet you Dillon and Sam."

"Nice to meet you too, Sullivan's mom," Dillon shook her hand. "Sam says it's nice to meet you too. And he thinks Sullivan's bear is the coolest bear in the world."

"I'm glad to hear it," Kathleen nodded.

Dillon turned to me and grasped my hand. "Derek, you have a lot of brothers and sisters."

"I do," I said kneeling down. "Be thankful you don't."

"I want brothers and sisters," he said seriously. "Mommy, can I have a brother and a sister for Christmas?"

I watched at Meredith's face flushed quickly. "Umm...well..." she stammered, looking at the ground. "That's not how you get brothers and sisters."

"How do I get brothers and sisters?" he asked. When Meredith didn't answer, he turned back to me. "Derek, how'd ya get so many brothers and sisters?"

"This is definitely something that can be talked about later," I told him, nodding seriously, hoping he wouldn't keep the subject up. Because if we kept talking about Dillon having siblings I might let it slip that I hope to give him them.

"After dinner?" he asked me. "Cause Sam wants brothers and sisters too."  
"When we go home your mommy and I will talk to you about it," I told him, looking up to find Meredith looking nervous but nodding.

"Okay," he sighed. "When's dinner ready? Sam's hungry."

"Dillon, I told you and Sam to use your manners," Meredith warned quietly.

"Sorry," he said. "Sam's sorry too. When is dinner ready, please?"

I chuckled softly. "Soon bud."

"Okay," he nodded and then turned to Kathleen. "Can Sullivan sit by me, Sullivan's mom?"

"Of course he can! What a good boy you are for asking," she told him.

His face lit up and he turned to Meredith. "Sullivan's mom says I'm a good boy, Mommy!" he laughed and then turned to Mark. "Mr. Mark, can you sit next to me and Sullivan?"

"Sure kiddo," he said and then moved to slap my back. "I think he likes me more than you."

Dillon laughed, "No, Mr. Mark. Sam just finds you very, very...um...fast nating!"

"Fass nating...that's a big word for a little guy like you," Mark said.

"My daddy says I'm smart!" Dillon grinned. "Are you smart, Mr. Mark?"

"Of course I'm smart. I surgeon things, don't I?" he asked.

"You surgeon plastic," Dillon giggled.

"That's true, Mark," I said nodding sagely. "It doesn't take much smarts for that."

"Shut up, loser," Mark said. "And anyway, at least I'm the attractive, good son with a healthy social life."

"I have a healthy social life, I have a girlfriend," I laughed, wrapping my arm around Meredith.

"Correction," Mark winked at Meredith, "you have a MILF."

"Who is my girlfriend," I nodded.

"Mr. Mark," Dillon tugged on Mark's sleeve. "What's a MILF?"

"He is not answering that question," I cut any answer Mark could give off, not quite trusting Mark not to answer the question honestly.

"Why not?" Dillon pouted at me, turning on the puppy dog eyes he had recently learned and mastered. "I wanna know what a MILF is."

"Bud, you're too young to know what a MILF is. When you're older I promise I will tell you the answer but not now. And you have to promise to never say that term? It's for grown up," I said nodding at him.

"Is it a bad word?"

"Yes, it's a bad word. I'm guessing your mommy told you and Sam not to say bad words," I explained.

"Yeah," Dillon nodded. "No bad words. Okay, Mr. Mark. Bad words are very bad. You can't say them or you get your toys taken away. Like one time when I said shit. I got my toys taken away for three days."

"Well I wouldn't want to loose my toys," Mark said.

"So no bad words," Dillon nodded and then grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's see if Derek's mommy needs us to set the table."

"I don't set the table, that's what the women are here for," Mark argued, reluctantly following Dillon.

"But if you set the table, you get dessert," Dillon said slowly, almost as if he were talking to a toddler. "And Derek said his mommy makes good dessert. So we gotta set the table."

"Mom gives me dessert regardless. She likes me," Mark said, smiling at my mom.

"Actually, Markie," she smiled right back at him, "I think it's a wonderful idea for you and Dillon to set the table. And Sam, of course."

"I think Derek should help," Mark said, sounding like he was about Dillon's age.

"Derek is keeping his guest occupied," she reached for her towel. "When you bring home a girl, you can be relieved of table setting duties, too. Now, go with Sam and Dillon. You could learn a lesson from such a well behaved boy."

I watched the two stalk towards the cupboard and leaned over, brushing my lips against Meredith's hair. "You okay?" I whispered into her ear.

"Intense," she murmured, and she sounded a little breathless.

"You'll be fine," I reassured her.

"Do they like me?" she murmured back to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I think so," I told her, noticing that they were all watching us together and how she leaned against me. I caught Erin's eye and she gave me a wide smile, which I matched with one of my own. They liked her.

"Dinner everyone," my mom called out and then turned to Sullivan, who was the first to run in, his own teddy bear clutched in his seven year old hands. "Sul, go get your cousins and siblings."

"Okay grandma!" Sul yelled running back out of the room.

Dillon came in from the dining room, his eyes shining with laughter. Mark followed closely behind him, a smile plastered on his face. "This is one kick ass kid, Shep," he said to me. "Kid knows his shit."

"Do I want to know what you're talking about?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in my best friend's direction.

"Probably not," he laughed. "But that's what makes me the uncle everyone is a little embarrassed of. I corrupt the kids."

"I'm sorry Meredith. I didn't mean to expose Dillon to this," I told her kissing her quickly.

"It's fine," Meredith smiled. "He's dirty Uncle Sal."

"I'm glad you're okay with this," I said, smiling. Because Mark was a lot to handle, and if Meredith could handle him she could handle anything.

"Dinner, everyone," my mom said again, this time standing in the kitchen, a wooden spoon in her hand. Mark, my sisters, and I scramble towards the kitchen, knowing that if my mother is holding a spoon, well, it's time to run. The kids are ushered to their spots, close to their parents, and Dillon is seated in between Sullivan and Mark, who is staring at the food like a starving man.

Meredith grabbed a seat beside me, looking around nervously until I pressed a hand gently against her thigh, getting a small smile from her. "Looks good, Mom."

"Thank you, Derek," she smiles. "Now, should we say grace?"

"Go ahead, Mom," Mark said.

"You've never said it, Markie," she said to him, a huge smile on her face. Mark had said it once. He had literally said the word grace as a cop out. I laughed slightly at the memory and then put my arm around Meredith.

"Come on, Mom," Mark whined.

"I'll say it," Derek piped up from beside Mark. "Can I say it, Derek's mommy?"

"Of course you can," my mom answered smiling broadly at Meredith.

"Dear God, thank you for food. It's good. And Sam says thank you too. Even though he's a bear and he doesn't really know what it tastes like. But he says thank you anyway. And I bet Sullivan's bear says thank you too."

"Dillon…" Meredith warned as she gave her son a look.

"Okay, okay. Sorry. Amen."

The table all laughed at his simple prayer and started to dig in. We grabbed for bowls and started all talking at once, like we always did. Passing dishes, yelling for different things. It was loud. It was boisterous. The table was large and you could barely see the other end but yet it always felt close. I threw some potatoes on my plate and turned to hand them to Meredith. "Still good?"

"So far," she nodded. "Dillon's happy."

"He is, he's fit right in," I nodded. "I'm glad."

"Me too," she sighed and then looked down at her food. She was starting to panic. I could feel it. Something about this felt very weird.

I reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it securely in my own. "Meredith, you'll be okay. You're doing great," I attempted to reassure her.

Before she could respond, Dillon asked very loudly, "Mr. Mark, did you make yourself pretty?"

"What? Why do you think I made myself pretty?" Mark said, sputtering slightly.

"Cause Derek said you make people pretty," Dillon reminded him. "So did you make yourself pretty?"

"No, this is all natural," Mark said confidently.

"Sure?" Dillon asked. "Did you make Derek pretty?"

"No, I do much better work than that," Mark nodded as if he had just said the most intelligent thing in the world.

Meredith giggled and I turned to Dillon. "Am I not pretty, bud?"

"Derek, I'm sure Dillon thinks your pretty," Meredith cut in, still giggling.

"You're okay," Dillon shrugged. "Your nose is funny though. Mr. Mark, you can fix Derek's nose, right?"

"I've offered and he always turns me down," Mark explained.

"I can't believe Dillon doesn't think I'm pretty," I winked at Meredith but put a frown on my face.

"You'll get over it," Meredith said rolling her eyes at me. "Besides, I think you're pretty."

"Aww, really?" I laughed and then kissed her softly.

"Is that going to go to your head now?" Meredith said giggling again. I was happy that her tension of minutes before had apparently dissapeared.

"Not if you keep me in line," I winked at her. Dirty sexual jokes at the dinner table with my mother less than six inches away? Probably not my best idea.

"Derek, your mother is at the table," Mark interrupted us.

My mother just smiled appreciatively at me, her eyes shining with tears. "I'm just happy my son has a healthy social life."

"Derek, how pathetic were you before I showed up?" Meredith asked me, raising an eyebrow flirtatiously at me.

"He was disgusting," Mark rolled his eyes. "Moping around. Listening to The Clash and staring out into the rain. He's such a girl."

"Derek's been career orientated for just about ever," Nancy added from further down the table. "And then he got established and just didn't have a life."

"Which meant while the rest of us were getting married, Derek was working over time at the hospital," Kathleen supplied. "Which made him a serious loser."

"You can all feel free to change the subject whenever you want," I growled.

"There are theories he didn't get laid for at least a year," Leah laughed and then winked at Mark.

"I hate my family," I muttered under my breath turning to Meredith. "We never have to come here again."

"I love your family," she laughed. "A whole year, Derek? That's sad."

"It wasn't a year," I said pouting.

"Ten months," Mark laughed.

"But he has you now," Kathleen cut in.

"Which means he's getting laid," Erin smiled. "And he's in love. Which is weird enough. My big brother being in love."

"Can we not talk about my sex life with Dillon sitting right here?" I asked.

"What's sex?" Dillon asked, looking up from his plate. "What's sex, Daddy Derek?"

"Sex is another one of those things you don't have to know about until you're older," I told him, grimacing.

"Okay," he nodded. "Daddy Derek, Sam would like some peas please."

"Here you go, bud," I answered, passing the peas that were in front of me to Mark so he could serve him.

"That's really cute," Leah smiled. "He calls you Daddy Derek. Are you going to try to adopt him when you two get married?"

Ever since I had met Meredith I had known the feel of her beside me, I could sense what she was feeling just from the air surrounding her. And in the second I felt it change. She had been relaxed and now it vibrated with nerves. This was not good. "Umm...no, he has a good relationship with his dad," I answered.

Meredith dropped her fork and stood up. "Um, uh, I'm um...excuse me," she murmured and then got up, my mom calling out to her where the washroom was located.

"Thanks Leah," I said, shooting my youngest sister a dirty look.

"What?" she asked, her eyes wide. "What did I do?"

"Meredith is...nervous. She's had a hard life and she's nervous. She's not ready for the marriage talk," I explained.

"Oh," Leah blushed. "Sorry."

"I'm sure Meredith will be fine," Kathleen reassured me.

Dillon was looking at me from his place at the table, and there was a sadness in his eyes I had never seen before. "Derek, you didn't make Mommy sad did you?"

"No, bud, you're mom is just a little nervous right now, she'll be fine," I told him, hoping I was telling the truth.

"She seemed sad," Dillon said, his head shaking a little. "Uncle George said mommy stammers when she's sad."

"Uncle George is right, but I'm sure Mommy will be fine," I told him. "Do you want to go check on her?"

"Sam wants to go," Dillon said quietly. It was the first time I had ever seen him like this. He seemed depressed almost, tears starting to build in those crystal clear blue eyes.

"Okay, bud, you and Sam can go check on her," I nodded getting up and helping him out of his seat.

He clutched Sam close and walked off, calling for his mom. I turned back to the table and sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm really sorry, Derek," Leah sighed. "I had no idea."

"It's not your fault. She's just...skittish. Maybe bringing them here so soon was a mistake," I sighed.

"No, Derek, it wasn't," my mom nodded sympathetically. "She's a little overwhelmed. But any blind idiot would tell you she loves you."

"I know she does," I said. "And I love her. I love them both."

"Okay, now that I've had to sit through this painful girl moment," Mark stood, "I'm going to grab a beer."

"Markie, one day you're going to fall for someone like Derek fell for his Meredith and you'll regret this crass attitude," my mom lectured.

"Shoot me if that ever happens," Mark rolled his eyes and then turned, running smack into Dillon. "Hey, there, kiddo."

"Is your mom okay?" I asked immediately. I wanted to go check on her but I was quite certain she needed a breath from all things Shepherd.

"She's crying," he said quietly. "Mommy's crying in the potty and she won't let me in."

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. "I should probably check on her."

"Derek?" Dillon lifted his arms up, begging to be held.

Without a word I picked him up and pulled him close to my chest. I could feel his tiny tears wetten my shirt and just held him closer. I hated seeing him like this, he was my son. And I hated him like this. I hated Meredith like this. We had made so much movement and still she ran. "It's okay bud," I whispered to him. "I love you."

"I wanna go home," he mumbled into my shirt and then sighed, "Don't leave, Derek."

"I promise I'm not going anywhere," I reassured him hugging him close. "We can go get your mom and head home."

"Okay," he nodded and then looked over my shoulder. "Bye bye everyone. Sam's gonna miss you."

"I hope we see you again soon," my mom answered.

"Me too," he nodded. "Bye, Mr. Mark. Bye Sullivan."

"Bye kiddo, nice meeting you," Mark said actually sounding like he meant it.

I carried Dillon down the hall to the wash room and knocked on the door softly, waiting for Meredith to tell me to go away. Instead, she opened the door and didn't even look at me. "I think I'm coming down with something," she said carefully. "I think it would be best if Dillon and I go home."

"That's fine," I said evenly. I wanted to talk to her and comfort and assure her that just because my family might be rushing things, that it wasn't what I wanted. But I knew pushing her wasn't needed, not right now. "Let's go."

"I should say goodbye," she said slowly, walking past me quickly.

"They'll understand if you want to just go," I told her gently.

"Okay," she nodded. "Tell them I'm sick please."

"I will," I nodded, leading her towards the door and trying to ignore all the bad thoughts running through my head. Because I had a bad feeling that Leah's small comment had changed everything and not in the good way I had hoped.

The drive back to Meredith's house was completely silent. Even Dillon stayed quiet as he clutched Sam to his chest and looked out the window at the rainy Seattle evening. Meredith didn't look at me, didn't touch my hand, didn't say a word. Except when we reached her house and she said, "Come on, Dillon. You have reading to do before bed tonight."

"Meredith..." I started, not sure at all what I had planned on saying after that.

She got out of the car and helped Dillon out from the backseat. "Good night," she said to me, not even making eye contact.

"Meredith..." I urged again, wanting something more, needing something more.

"Mommy," Dillon said from where he stood next to her, Sam still against his chest. "Derek wants to talk to you."

"Meredith, are you okay?" I asked, a full sentence now forming.

"Good night," she said again, this time taking Dillon's hand and walking him up to her front porch. Dillon turned back to look at me, his eyes begging for me to do something.

"Meredith, you can't just pretend I don't exist," I urged her getting out of the car.

"Just go," she hissed at me, anger starting to build in her eyes. Or was it something else? For the first time, I couldn't tell what was exactly the matter with my Meredith.

"I'll call you tomorrow," I said in an unsure voice.

She didn't say a word as she went into the house, slamming the door behind her as I stood in the rain, wondering what the hell had just happened.

_"Somewhere in my mind, I know there's no tomorrow."_


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Apparently, we're starting to pick up on this, Meredith and Derek don't talk vibe the writers are getting into. However, since we don't own Grey's, you know it will be fixed.**

I stared at the phone in my hand. I stood in my trailer and stared at the phone. For the first time since I had met Meredith I was teriffied of calling her, because I didn't know what to expect on the other end of the line. Meredith had wanted nothing to do with me last night since Leah's comment and now I was terrified of calling her. I was frightened of calling my own girlfriend.

I hadn't slept at all the night before. True to my mother's testament about my bad habits, I paced the entire night. Just paced back and forth. Trying to think of a way to fix this. Of making Meredith calm down. Not panic. But all I could do was pace. Pace and stare at the phone. I took a deep breath and sighed, staring at the number in my phone. I had to call her.

Not calling her wasn't going to solve anything at all. Not calling would just give her more time to panic and retreat to her place, wheever it was. And she still hadn't even let me see it. I needed to call her. Ignoring the fluttering in my stomach I stared some more. I wanted it to ring, that would make my life a lot easier.

But I knew Meredith wouldn't call me. I knew that wouldn't happen. After the way she had looked at me, after the way she had told me to go away, I knew she wouldn't call me. I took a deep breath and pushed the call button on my phone. It rang and rang, over and over, taunting me. And then finally, "This is Meredith Grey. Leave a message after the beep."

I didn't bother leaving a message, she wouldn't call me back. She wasn't even answering the phone. This was not good, nothing at all was good about this. This wasn't even back to square one, the night I had met her in the bar was better than this. At that point I had to fight to get her to agree to give me a number, and now she wasn't answering her phone. A night ago she had been in love wtih me, now she wasn't answering her phone.

I stared at the phone in abject misery, suddenly hating it. This wasn't right. What the hell had gone so terribly wrong? We were in love. We loved each other. People who were in love didn't just stop talking to each other. I thought about calling the house, if Dillon answered, then I had a way in. But if the phone just rang, then nothing would change. And still not getting an answer would hurt even more. I coudn't face another unanswered phone. Meredith ignoring me and pushing me was worse than anything else I had ever imagined. I looked at my phone again, figting off the urge to dial the number again. Calling numerous times wouldn't help. She would get annoyed and pull further away. If that was possible.

I stared at the screen, willing a voice message to pop up. I had only used the phone once, to call in to work, and a part of me hoped that maybe Meredith had called me then. But there was nothing. Suddenly, my phone rang shrilly in my hands and I picked it up, not even bothering to look at the display. "Mer?"

"No, but if you beg enough I might sleep with you," Mark's voice came from the other end.

"Mark!" I growled. "What the hell are you calling me for? I'm a little busy."

"Someone is grumpy, no sex last night?" he mocked.

"Jesus Mark, there is more to my relationship to Meredith than sex," I grumbled. "What the hell is your problem?"

"Nothing, I was just calling to check on you three...after last night I thought I'd check," he explained.

"Oh," I sighed. Mark was being nice? And concerned? This was weird. I wasn't sure how exactly to react to this. "Everything is...fine."

"Is that why you sounded like a cuddly warm puppy when you answered the phone?" he laughed.

"What exactly does a warm cuddly puppy sound like?" I asked him. "And I thought it was my girlfriend calling. I wasn't exactly going to sound like a jackass."

"It sounds like you, and sorry to dissapoint," Mark said. I coud see him shrugging through the phone.

"It's fine," I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

"Der-bear," Mark said, using the annoying nickname my sisters had bestowed upon me at a very young age. "It's not okay, is it?"

I wasn't sure how exactly to have this kind of talk with Mark. We didn't do this. We had never done this. Mark had only seen me cry once. And we had been eleven. I wasn't sure how to tell him that the love of my life was gone. "No," I was pacing again. "It's not okay."

"Umm..." Mark said clearng his throat, obviously just as uncomfortable with this conversation as I was. "Want to talk about it, or something?"

"She told me to go away," I said quickly, painfully reliving the moment, Dillon's huge eyes, and my own heartache. "She wouldn't even look at me."

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing Derek, just give her a call," Mark said.

"She won't answer," I admitted. "I tried. She won't answer her phone." The tears were starting to come now, and I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to hide my pain from my best friend, who had never shown an ounce of emotion in his life.

I heard him sigh on the other end. "Wow, man, I have no idea what to say. Just...because of Leah's comment?"

A wave of anger towards my younger sister came over me. She had ruined what otherwise would have been a perfect night. "She just...she doesn't do relationships," I explained. "She's new to this and she's skittish."

Mark made an awkward sound on the other side. Mark didn't do relationships, so he probably had no idea how to give me advice about my own. Or maybe he'd be perfect, maybe he's understand my skittish other half. "She just needs time to regroup, Derek. She's in love with you, disgustingly in love with you."

"Then why would she leave like this?" I asked him. "The family loved her. She fit in so well. Everyone loved her. Why would she pull back?"

"Because the word marriage came up. If she's just warming up the word girlfriend the word wife would be terrifying," he explained.

"I love her, Mark," I said. "I want to marry her."

"Thanks for the news flash, it's abundantly clear everytime you look at her," Mark laughed. "And she feels the same."

"How do you know?" I grilled him. "She won't even answer her phone. She wouldn't even look at me."

"We all saw the way she looked at you, Derek. She adores you, she wants to be with you. The fact that she even bothered coming last night meant a lot for someone like her," Mark reassured me, sounding entirely un-Mark like.

"What do you mean?" I asked. In my family, meeting the parents wasn't the biggest deal in the world. Actually, it was just a dinner. But then, we were a close knit family. "What do you mean, someone like her? She's beautiful and wonderful and everyone loved her."

"Derek she's amazing, and perfect for you. But she's me, except for because of the kid she doesn't get to pick and choose men. But she's me. And trust me, I have never met a girlfriend's family. Ever. To someone like us, that's huge," Mark explained.

"Meredith isn't you," I chuckled. "Meredith is...Meredith. You sleep around. You meet girls in bars and..." Suddenly I trailed off. Those were the things Meredith told me she did before Dillon. "Oh god. She is you."

Mark laughed into the phone. "Exactly, Der. You fell in love with the female version of me."

"So what do I do?" I asked my manwhore best friend. If Mark could fix this, I would never say a word against him ever again.

"Give her time to calm down from last night, a couple of days and call her again. It won't be long before she realizes she can't live without your stupid ass," he told me.

"Mark, you didn't see her," I breathed. "The look in her eyes...she hated me."

"She doesn't hate you. I saw the way she looked at you last night. No one in this world goes from that to hatred in minutes. She hates what she's going through, she hated that she's facing all this. But no she doesn't hate you," Mark said.

"Who would have thought you were this smart?" I joked, hoping he'd get that I was trying to say thank you.

"I've been telling you it all along," he answered laughing. "Want to go grab a drink, get you out of that tin box you live in?"

"It's ten in the morning, Mark," I laughed. "And don't you work?"

"Details, details, I'd take a day off if my best friend needed drinking," he responded.

"I don't know, Mark," I sighed. "What if she calls and I'm at a bar?"

"Well Dr. Shepherd, years ago this little device was invented called a cell phone. The neatest thing about them is that you can bring them places with you," Mark said.

"Smartass," I growled. "Fine, one drink. And no strippers."

"I said drink, I never said anything about strippers. Your mind is in the gutter, Derek," Mark laughed.

"Last time you offered me a night out with drinking it involved a stripper named Destiny or Fate or something," I reminded him.

"Derek, Derek, that was old Mark. Mark before his best friend fell sickenly in love and became an unofficial old married man," Mark responded.

"Whatever, you're jealous," I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Derek, I'm jealous of a man who was near tears because his girlfriend didn't answer her phone. Not all of us dream of being pathetic, I happen to like sleeping around," he told me.

"I'm not pathetic," I growled. "And I should check my voicemail really quick."

"And in the same breath you say your not pathetic," he laughed at me.

"Whatever, asshole," I replied. "I'll meet you at Joe's in an hour."

"I'll be there," Mark said.

I hung up the phone and stared at it, willing for it to beep to tell me Meredith had called while I had been on the phone. Nothing. Tears came to my eyes and I took another deep breath, trying to keep the tears back. Despite Mark's promise that Meredith would be fine, that she loved me, I couldn't help but wonder if mabye I had lost the love of my life.

_I was dreaming but you never believed..._


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we'd know Patrick Dempsey. Yeah...that's about as far as that thought goes...brain stops working at the pure thought.**

Three days. Three days had gone by since I had seen Meredith. Three days since she had looked at me with venom in her eyes and told me to go away. Three days since I had seen Dillon crying, his little voice telling Meredith I needed to speak to her. Three days since I had really slept. I was starting to lose my mind, I needed to see her. I missed her. Mark had told me to give her time, and I was trying to be good with time. I was. But he never really made it clear how much time this would take. And apparently 3 days was too long. I didn't know how to spend 3 days without her in my life, and if I had to wait any longer I wasn't sure I could make it. I needed her. I missed her more than I thought possible. I missed Dillon.

I hadn't been eating much either, but I knew my mother would be on my case anyway come Sunday. I sighed and went to the elevator, pressing the button with the intent of going down to the cafeteria and attempting food. Nothing in my life seemed to matter anymore. Just Meredith and Dillon. The elevator door opened and I stepped in, not looking up to see if anyone was with me. "Derek?"

I recognized the voice immediately. I had missed that voice nearly as much as I had missed his mother's. "Bud?" I said looking down at a wide eyes Dillon, Sam held tightly in his arms.

"I told Sam we'd find you," he said, a small smile on his lips. "See, Sam, it's Derek. I knew he'd be surgeoning."

"Bud, what are you doing here?" I said crouching down to his level, worried about him. He definitely shouldn't be walking around alone in the hospital. Meredith wouldn't be happy. I took in his wide eyes and noticed the tears that rested in them. "You okay, bud?"

"My mommy had to work so Daddy brought me here," Dillon sighed. "And Sam and I wanted to find you. So we left daycare. Derek, don't you like us anymore?"

"I love you, you know that," I said, resting my hand on his shoulder lightly.

"What about Mommy?" Dillon sighed, a small tear falling down his cheek. "You never come over anymore. Sam misses you."

"Oh bud, I love your mom so much," I said, blinking away tears and pulling him close to me. "We're just working through some things right now."

"You said you'd never leave," he said into my scrubs. "And now you don't come and Mommy won't tell me why. Did I do something bad, Derek?"

"No, Dillon, this has nothing to do with you. And I haven't gone anywhere. I've missed you so much," I told him.

"You read the best," Dillon sighed. "And your rritos are better than Mommy's. Derek, come home with me."

This time I let a tear roll down my cheek. "Oh, bud, I want to. God, I want to. But I don't think your mommy wants to see me right now."

"I heard her crying," he said. "Mommy's sad, Derek. You said you'd never make her sad."

I looked at Dillon and wanted to pick him up and take him home to find his mom together. Because I didn't want to make Meredith sad, the last thing I wanted to do was make her sad. I took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to word this. "Dillon, do you remember your first day of school?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Sam and I were scared. But Mommy said there was nothing to be ascared of."

"You were scared because it was something new," I told him, nodding slowly. "And now, me and your mom, what we have is new for her. She's not used to having a boyfriend. And she's scared."

"When I'm ascared, Mommy makes me pancakes. And Daddy bought me a night lite."

"Well your mommy just needs some time away from me. But I'm not going anywhere, bud," I told him hugging him tightly.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Dillon wrapped himself around me and I picked him up, carrying him out into the bustling hallways. "Derek, Sam and I really miss you. And Mommy misses you too."

"I miss all three of you too. So much Dillon. You three are my family," I told him.

"Dillon Grey!" Lucas's voice came from behind me and I turned to see Lucas rushing towards us. "Where have you been? You can't sneak out of daycare like that. And what the hell are you doing with him?" He turned to me, his eyes blazing.

"Lucas, relax, I just found him and was taking him back," I lied slightly, not wanting to cause any more problems for Meredith.

He took Dillon from my arms and stared at me, "I thought I said I didn't want him around you," he growled.

"And you wanted him running unattended around a hospital?" I asked him, trying to keep the anger out of voice for Dillon's benefit. He was already so unsure about me right now, unsure that I wasn't leaving him, so he didn't have to see me angry.

"He escaped from day care," Lucas sighed. "So don't try to blame this on me. Dillon, let's go."

"Bud, I'll see you later," I attempting to reassure him as Lucas started to walk away. "I promise."

"No! No!" Dillon screamed, kicking at Lucas. "Daddy, let me down! Derek, I'll go fishing! I'll go fishing and you don't have to surgeon the fishy! The fishy can die! You promised! You pinky sweared! You're a liar!"

I knew I shouldn't chase after him, not with the battle that Meredith was fighting. But Dillon obviously needed me and that was all that mattered. "Bud, bud," I said calmly, putting my hand on Lucas's shoulder, keeping him in place. And then an idea dawned on me. "Dr. Kelley, there's a cardio consult needed in room 5632. Go take care of that, I'll take your son down stairs."

Lucas stared at me for a second and then at Dillon. "Dill pickle, be good. And do not sneak out of daycare again. Mom will be here soon." He placed the still sobbing Dillon in my arms and then turned and left.

"Dillon, you don't have to go fishing, you don't have to do anything. You're perfect just the way you are. And I love you. I promised to always be here and I will. I'll always be your daddy Derek," I whispered into his ear.

"But you're leaving," he sobbed. "You gave me to Daddy and you don't want to see Mommy. And you don't call me at home. And you won't read me stories or make me into a ritto. And you don't say good night to Sam anymore."

"Dillon, there's nothing I want more than to see your mommy and tuck you in and say goodnight, but it's complicated," I said sighing. "When you get older life sometimes gets complicated."

"What's comlicated?" he asked as he tightened his hold around my neck.

"It means it's messy," I explained.

"Then clean it up!" he insisted. "When my room is messy, Mommy says to clean it up. So clean it up."

I wish it was that simple, I wanted it to be that simple. And maybe it could be. "That actually might be a good idea, bud," I told him smiling.

"Okay," he nodded. "Sam and I have an idea."

"You do?" I asked, my eyes widening in exaggerated interest.

"Sam and I think you should come over tonight," he said excitedly, the tears stopped. "Mommy's making bsghetti. And you talk to her. And Sam and I will be really quiet. And then it will be fixed."

I smiled at the prospect of it being that easy, and knew it was very unlikely. Meredith was a spitfire, she didn't get over things, she yelled. But that was okay, I could deal with yelling. "I'll be there," I agreed with his plan.

"Good," he nodded. "And maybe you should bring ice cream."

"Is that for you, Sam or your mommy?" I laughed, feeling better than I had in days. Because I had a plan, and Dillon was on my side, and my son was in my arms.

"Me and Sam. And Mommy. As long as it is sawberry."

"I'll bring ice cream," I said as we reached the day care.

"Okay, Derek," he smiled and then kissed my cheek. "I'll see you later. Love you."

"I love you too," I told him, giving him a quick kiss back and placing him on the ground so he could run back into the nursery. I had a plan. Well not really a plan, but it was something. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to her. But she had to let me in, I had made the promise to her son, and she would never let Dillon down. I could get in and then the words would come. They had to.

"Derek!" he came running out again, a smile on his face.

"Yeah?" I smiled at him.

"Your face is scratchy, so you need to make it smooth," he said. "And bring Mommy a present."

"Your as bossy as your mom," I laughed.

"I'm not bossy," he shook his head. "I'll see you later, Daddy Derek."

"See you later, bud," I told him.

He smiled and ran back into the nursery, Sam hanging from his uninjured hand. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I was going to get my Meredith back. Dillon and Sam and I had a plan. And I was going to talk to my Meredith. I had given her time, but now I would get her back.

_"I know here you hide, alone in your car, know all of the things that make you who are, know that good bye means nothing at all..."_


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Shonda Rhimes is the goddess of all things writery and good. We're just lowlives compared to her brilliance. Happy Grey's day!**

The door loomed in front of me. For some reason nerves made this door look more frightening than anything else in the world. I wasn't feeling confident anymore, I wasn't trusting Dillon's plan, even though I wanted to desperately. Now there was a nawing in the pit of my stomach that said I wasn't going to be let in, that I had really lost her and there was no chance to ever get her back again. I clutched the flowers close to me and tightened my grip on the bag with the strawberry ice cream. Flowers were a mistake. They were lame. This was a mistake. No, not a mistake. Just, worrisome. I stared at the door, trying to calm my breathing as I reached up to ring the doorbell. I couldn't lose her. I had to be with her. She was my life. Dillon was my life. They were my family.

My heart thudded as I waited for someone to answer the door, the most irrational fears running through my head. Maybe Dillon had accidentally told Meredith of our plan and she was going to ignore me. Maybe she had seen my car pull up. Maybe something had happened to one of them. The butterflies refused to rest in my stomach, until I saw the dirty blonde head approach the door. She opened the door slowly, a look of confusion masking her features. As she stood before me, everything seemed to melt away. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and her hair was up in a messy ponytail, but she looked absolutely beautiful. "Derek?" she stared at me.

"Meredith," I squeaked, nerves not allowing my voice to come out properly. I cleared my throat. "These are...these are for you," I said thrusting the flowers towards her, silently ashamed at how much I sounded like a kid on his first date.

She stared at the flowers for a minute and then back at me, her eyes wide. "What...what are you doing here?"

"Your son invited me over for dinner," I said, attempting to smile and sound light hearted and failing miserably.

She rolled her eyes and sighed deeply, stepping aside and walking towards the kitchen. "Dillon Grey!" she called out. "You are in big trouble, mister!"

Taking this as acceptance into the house I entered, running after her and gently grabbing her elbow. My fingers tingled at the slight touch, even though it had only been three days since I last touched her. "Mer, don't get mad at him. He's just trying to fix things."

She looked at me, and then at my hand on her arm, and for a minute, I thought she'd say something. But she turned away from me and went to the spaghetti sauce on the stove, stirring it slightly. "Derek!" Dillon came running in. "Hi!"

"Hey bud," I smiled as he flung himself around my legs.

"Did you bring flowers and sawberry ice cream?" he whispered loudly.

"Yep, I did," I whispered back, shooting a glance at Meredith who was apparently pretending neither of us were there.

He nodded and then stood up, walking to Meredith. "Mommy, Derek's gonna say sorry. And then you have to say sorry too. And then you can eat sawberry ice cream. Okay?"

Meredith looked at her son, smiling but I could see tears in her eyes. "Dill, honey, it's not always that easy."

"Yeah it is," he nodded. "When I say sorry at school, Mrs. Phelps says everything is okay again. You have to learn forgiveness, Mommy."

"Bud, how about you go play and give us some time to talk. I'll come get you when it's time to eat," I suggested gently, as I put the ice cream in the freezer.

"Okay," he nodded and then started walking away. "Mommy, be nice. Or no dessert and you have to go to bed early."

"I'll try," Meredith answered sounding shaky and unsure.

"And Derek, you be good too!" he ran off and up the stairs, softly humming to himself

I laughed gently at his matchmaking attempts. Meredith was still standing by the stove, not stirring the sauce but still staring at it. "Are you sure you should be cooking?" I joked, hoping to cut the tension that hummed in the room. She didn't say anything, she simply continued staring at the sauce, her shoulders drooping a little as she held back tears. "And now you're not talking to me," I sighed. I walked slowly towards her, completely unsure of the situation. I still wasn't even quite sure why she had ran and now that she wasn't talking. I had no idea what was going on. I was used to knowing things, I'm a neurosurgeon, I know things. But with Meredith right now I was clueless. "Meredith, say something," I urged her.

"I ran," she said softly. "I ran and told you to go away. And now you show up here."

"Of course I showed up. Why wouldn't I? Do you not trust me?" I asked her.

"I do," she insisted, turning to me, her eyes filled with tears.

I took her hand gently in mine, smiling slightly when she made no move to pull it away, both our gazes looking at our entangled fingers. "Well this is how it works. You can run but I always come after you."

"Well, how am I supposed to know that?" she murmured as she tightened our grasp.

"You've never done this before," I smiled slowly.

"No," she sighed, "I've never done this before." She looked up at me, at my smile, and leaned forward a little, one hand moving up to my chest.

I felt my breath, that I hadn't even been aware I had been holding woosh out of me. This was going to be okay, we were going to be okay. "Hmmm," I sighed. "Okay. Well this - From now on you can expect that I'm going to show up. Even if you run, even if I run, I will always show up."

She nodded slowly and then leaned into me, her head against my chest. "I was scared," she admitted quietly.

I let go of her hand and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight against me, smiling like an idiot just to be holding her again. "I know, Mer. I know," I soothingly whispered into her hair.

"This...this is moving fast," she whispered. "Everything. And I was scared. And I love you. And the only person I've ever really loved besides my friends is Dillon. And now I love you. And, it's all so fast."

"I know it is," I nodded, running my fingers through her hair. "We can slow down, we can go as slow as a turtle if it will make you feel better," I offered, laughing gently.

I felt her giggle against my chest and then she looked up at me, tears sparkling in her eyes. "I missed you, Derek."

"I missed you too," I whispered, gently pressing my lips quickly against hers. "You didn't have to run, you could have talked to me."

"I don't talk," she sighed. "I'm an avoider. I avoid. I live my life under a banner of avoidance."

"You can't avoid me, Meredith. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. No avoiding me," I told her.

"I'm not too dark and twisty for you?" she whispered. "Because I am dark and twisty. I'm not...normal."

"You are not too dark and twisty for me," I reassured her. "I like exploring all your twists."

"I bet you do," she giggled as she kissed me lightly.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, smiling down at her illuminous face.

"I'm okay," she nodded and then pulled away. "I still can't believe Dillon invited you to dinner. He didn't call you again, did he?"

I shook my head quickly, knowing I couldn't lie to her but also not wanting to be entirely honest. "We ran into each other at the hospital today," I told her in what I hoped was a convincing voice.

"He escaped from daycare again?" she giggled. "He does that. He hates daycare."

I laughed along with her. "Him and Sam came looking for me."

She nodded and opened her mouth to say something, but Dillon poked his head into the kitchen, Sam securely in his arms. "Do you love each other again?" he asked.

"We never stopped loving each other, bud," I explained. "But yes, we did forgive each other."

"Good," he nodded and came running in. "That means we can eat sawberry ice cream."

"It means we can eat strawberry ice cream after supper," Meredith corrected him.

"Yeah yeah," he waved his hand at her. "Aren't you glad I made Derek come, Mommy?"

Meredith paused and looked up at me, a smile stretched across her face. "Yeah, I am. Although you shouldn't have been sneaking out of daycare. We've talked about this Dill."

"It was Sam's idea," he shrugged. "And anyway, I don't like daycare. And neither does Sam."

"Bud, you can wait in my office if you want," I offered. It was safer for him to do something in my office for a few hours than to be wandering around the halls of the busy hospital.

"Really?" he grinned. "Mom, can I do that next time? Can I wait in Derek's office?"

"Maybe, we have to see what your dad thinks," Meredith said. "And you can't bother Derek."

"I won't," he promised. "Derek, can I bring crayons and toys? Can I?"

"Yeah, we can set up somewhere that you can keep them," I smiled, loving the idea of my son spending time in my office.

"And Legos," he said thoughtfully. "And when you're not surgeoning, we can play Legos."

"Sounds good, bud," I said, ruffling his hair.

"Go wash your hands, Dill," Meredith told her son, watching us with a smile on her face and in her green eyes.

He left the room at a run as I pulled Meredith into my arms again, kissing her quickly and passionately. "I love you," I said.

"I love you too," she smiled, her hands moving up to play with my hair as we kissed. "Stay over tonight?"

"Definitely," I said smiling. The smile stayed firmly on my face. And I was certain it would never leave. I had my family back. With just a tiny plan from my tiny son and I had everything back.

_Look in my eyes, you'll see a love that's deep and true, tender and strong and just for you_


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, Meredith wouldn't be in the FREAKING OCEAN. She'd be having sex with Derek.**

I put Dillon to bed after dinner that night. After spaghetti and strawberry ice cream. After playing a game of Candyland with Dillon. After tickling him into a laughing fit, before Meredith joined in. It felt right. This all felt right. We were a family, a real family. And as I had carried a tired Dillon up to bed, Meredith had trailed behind us, Sam in her arms. And we had kissed Dillon good night together, my arm thrown around her waist as she said goodnight to her son. Our son.

Now we were back downstairs, finishing up the end of the dishes together. I watched as she reached up to put a dish away in a higher cupboard, her body stretching in the most appealing way. I loved the way she moved, there was something so sensual and so innocent about it. Her movements weren't planned, or precise, they just were her. And sexy.

I put the dish towel down on the counter and moved behind her, my lips finding the crook of her neck as I sucked gently. "Derek," she immediately sighed, her head falling back against my chest as my hands pulled her back against me, my erection already making itself known as my hands made the way down to the button of her jeans.

"Mer," I sighed into her hair, enjoying the scent of lavender. "I love you."

"I love you too," she moaned as she turned in my arms, her lips meeting mine. "Dillon's in bed."

"I'm well aware of that," I whispered, deepening the kiss and pulling her closer to me. Exploring her mouth with my tongue I stepped slowly closer to the counter, pinning her body against mine, moaning softly as she shifted against my erection.

"He's probably too tired to wake up," she whispered as she ran her fingers through my hair, before pushing her hips suggestively against me, nearly making me lose it right then and there.

"Hmmm...good," I said, lightly biting her bottom lip, causing her to gasp in pleasure. My hands traveled up and down her spine, loving her tiny body against mine. God, her body fit mine perfectly, completely perfectly.

She looked up at me, a twinkle in her eye and then moved her hands down to the hem of my shirt, pulling it off of me and throwing it to the floor. As my own hands began taking off her shirt, the thought occurred to me that my girlfriend and I were about to have sex in her kitchen. And that my girlfriend had a six year old son who had a tendency to wake up. And then Meredith's hands lightly brushed against my jean-clad erection and any thoughts swiftly left my head.

My hand traveled to the lower back, finding the hem and pulling it over her head, leaving her breathing hard, wearing only her jeans and a lacy black bra. It was the last think I had expected but just made me want her even more. My lips left hers, traveling down her neck, raining kisses over her heaving chest, gently licking the line where her bra started. "Derek," she moaned as she arched her back against the counter, her hands bracing her as I traced my tongue along the bra's edge, teasing her. She suddenly reached behind her and took the bra off herself, giving me easy access as I caught a nipple in my mouth, sucking gently as she moaned beneath me.

My hands found her hips and I lifted her up, guiding her onto the counter, my mouth never leaving her nipple that I lavished attention on. My hands travelled to her fly and I quickly unzipped it, helping her slide the jeans over her hips, her panties coming with them, leaving her naked on her kitchen counter. Her hands flew expertly down to my own fly, and then my own jeans and boxer briefs were down around my ankles. She moved her fingers lightly over my shaft, stroking me gently and I found my mouth moving from her nipple as she pleasured me. I buried my face in her hair, taking in the scent and trying hard not to come at that very moment.

"Mer...god Mer" I breathed into her hair. "God Mer I need you," I whispered, looking down and loving the look of her thin fingers moving up and down my length, bringing me precariously close to the point.

She moaned and her fingers suddenly stopped and she nodded before saying breathlessly, "I need you, Derek."

That was the only invitation I needed to push myself into her, filling her and love the tight warmness of her. I moved out slowly and then back in, beginning a slow torturous rhythm of rocking back and forth, my fingers holding her hips twice, my mouth hard against hers. She scratched at my back in ecstacy as I sped up the rhythm of our love-making, her hips rose to meet me as I slowed down once again, leaving her calling my name for more. Her body hummed with a promise of an orgasm and with the anticipation that came with each thrust into her. She breathed my name and then became louder, her body tightening around me as I sped up, needing the precious release.

A shudder ran through her body as she came, letting my name out in a moan as her body shook around me, aftershocks of her orgasm tightening around me. In seconds I felt myself tighten and with a sharp breath I found my release. We stayed like that, our bodies shining with sweat and humming with the orgasms, her head drooped against my shoulder as she struggled to regain her breath. "Derek," she sighed into my ear, her hot breath causing my heart to nearly stop.

"Hmmm..." I muttered in reply, pressing a soft kiss against her neck.

"Wow," she sighed and then giggled as she ran her hands up my back.

"Hmmm..." I muttered again, feeling a little speechless, as her chest pressed against mine. I pressed my head against hers, nuzzling her gently.

Another giggle came from her and then she sighed contently. "Love you," she murmured.

"Love you too," I said, my voice finally back. "Should I head home?"

She shook her head, her sweaty hair striking my cheeks. "Come to bed with me," she giggled in my ear.

"Seriously?" I asked, raising my eye brows in question.

"Seriously," she nodded, her face breaking into a smile.

"Okay," I smiled, moving away from her and slipping back into my boxers. I laughed softly at the confusion on her face. "In case Dillon sees us."

She giggled and pulled her panties and bra back on before turning to the counter. "We should clean this up," she laughed. "We've made a bit of a mess."

"You're the one that jumped me in the kitchen," I laughed at her, moving to help her with the mess we had apparently made.

"I didn't hear you complaining," she laughed as she slapped my ass.

"I never turn down sex," I told her matter of factly, smiling widly at her.

"Especially amazing on the counter sex," she grinned.

"Maybe we should try to have sex in the bed tonight," I laughed. "That might be new and exciting for us."

"Oh, that is adventurous," she nodded seriously. "Sex in the bed? Are you sure we can handle it?'

"You'd be surprised at what I can handle," I told her with a wink

"There's only one way we can find out if sex in my bed would work," she ran ahead of me and towards the stairs. "Come on, old man, are you coming?"

"Right behind you, gold digger," I laughed, following her up the stairs.

A crash downstairs made me wake up the next morning with a start, wondering where I was and what time it was. And then I felt Meredith shift on top of my chest and let out a sigh before settling again, her fingers resting lightly in my patch of chest hair. I turned to look at the clock and almost jumped when I saw it was nine thirty. Usually, Meredith had me out of the house by six.

"Mer?" I nudged her softly, trying not to laugh at the loud snort she let out. "Mer?"

"Hmmm," she groaned as she nuzzled into me.

I fought back the urge to nuzzle back and go back to sleep with her. "Mer, it's 9:30."

"Hmmm," she groaned again.

"Meredith Grey," I whispered urgently. "It's 9:30 in the morning and I'm still in your bed. How exactly are we going to explain this to our son?" I knew I had let the word our slip but I don't think she was awake enough to notice.

She shrugged gently and bit at my skin a little. "You came over early this morning."

"That works," I nodded. "However there's still the crashing noise downstairs that we have to worry about."

"You go," she sighed and kissed me before turning over and put her head underneath her pillow.

She was cute in the morning when she wasn't freaking out and trying to get me out of her house. Well she was cute when she did that too, but that was beside the point. I slipped out of bed and pulled on my boxers and a tshirt of mine that Meredith had stolen and started to head downstairs to examine what had made all the racket. I had a very good feeling it might be a little boy and his bear.

Sure enough, Dillon was attempting to move a chair to the cupboard, Sam sitting on the chair as Dillon pushed, crashing into the counter. He stared at the chair for a second and then said, "Sam, I think we gotta get Mommy."

"Bud," I interrupted him, "what exactly do you need to get mommy for?"

"Oh hi, Daddy Derek!" he grinned, turning to look at me. "Sam and I want Lucky Charms."

"Lucky Charms?" I said, scrunching up my nose in fake disgust. "That's not a breakfast."

"That's what Mommy makes me every morning," he tells me. "Cept for Sundays, then she makes pancakes."

"Since you have the day off school why don't we make today a special treat?" I asked him.

"What kinda treat?" he asked, grabbing Sam off the chair. "Ice cream?"

"Ice cream is not a breakfast food. It's a good thing you have me, bud, I swear that mother of yours," I said shaking my head and chuckling. "I'll make you pancakes."

"We don't have no more pancakes," he said sadly.

"I don't need that stuff, I make them from scratch," I explained.

"Scratch?" he stared at me. "You scratch pancakes?"

"It means I make them without a mix. I can teach you if you want," I offered.

He thought about it for a minute and then nodded. "Kay," he said. "Can they have chocolate chips too?"

"Sure they can," I said, as I started searching through the kitchen for the ingredients that I needed, handing them to Dillon to take them over to the table. This was the perfect morning. Meredith sleeping in upstairs and Dillon and I cooking together.

"Can Sam and I be your ssistant?" he asked as he set his bear down on the counter.

"Of course, but you have to be really careful not to make a mess," I answered.

"No messes, Sam," he told the bear sternly, shaking his finger slightly.

I laughed softly at the way he talked to the tiny bear as if it was another person. "So Dillon, when did you and Sam meet?" I asked as I started to measure the flour to pour into the bowl.

"Mommy says he was here before I was born," Dillon answered. "She says he was waiting for a little brother for three whole months before I came home."

"That's a pretty long time to wait for a brother," I nodded seriously.

"I know!" he nodded back. "But I'm still waiting. I'm six and no brother yet. But Mommy says Sam is my brother."

"Sam is your brother. And maybe one day your mommy and I will think about getting you another one, or maybe a sister," I smiled at the thought of having a whole team of kids to help me cook breakfast for my sleepy girlfriend, who by then would be my wife.

"Sam doesn't want a sister," Dillon scrunched up his face.

"Why not?" I asked, looking at Sam, trying to look insulted.

"Sam thinks girls are gross," Dillon said seriously. "Cept for Becky. She's okay."

"Well mommy and I don't get to choose if it's a brother or sister, so Sam is going to have to adjust either way," I said, giving the teddy bear what I hoped was a stern look.

"Will I have to share Sam with my sister?" Dillon asked, jealousy already creeping into his eyes.

"Nope, Sam is all yours," I told him, passing him a spoon to stir the ingredients with.

"Okay," he nodded and then started stirring, extremely vigorously, flour flying out of the bowl.

"Bud, bud, slow down," I told him trying to keep my voice gentle.

"Sorry," he said quickly and then slowed down his stirring to a turtle's pace.

"A little faster than that. Like this," I showed him, reaching over and covering his tiny hand with my much larger one and showing him the best pace to stir at, trying to ignore the flour that now covered the area we worked in.

"Derek?" he asked as we stirred together.

"Yeah?" I asked him.

"I met your mommy," he said slowly. "But I didn't meet your daddy. Does your daddy live somewhere else like my daddy?"

I smiled at him a little sadly. "My daddy died when I was a few years older than you are now," I told him.

"So he went away?" Dillon asked, and I realized he probably didn't really understand death. Not really anyway.

"Yep," I nodded knowing that was definitely a conversation that would be Meredith's job to take care of another time. "He was great, bud. He would have really liked you and your mommy."

"Did your daddy make pancakes with you?" he asked. "Is that how you know how?"

"Yep, so now I'm teaching you," I explained, hugging him close with my free arm.

"Did your Daddy take you fishing?"

"Yeah, he did," I smiled. I never smiled when I talked about my dad. Usually I hated the idea of talking about him, but with Dillon it was different. It was telling my son, as much as he wasn't actually mine, about his granddad that he would never meet. Something felt special about that.

"Why'd your daddy go away?" he asked. "My daddy says he'll never go away."

I groaned inwardly at Dillon's ability to ask me all the questions he should be asking Meredith. "He got sick, bud. And sometimes when people get really sick, they go away."

He nodded and pulled his hand away and turned to look at me, his blue eyes meeting mine. "Sam's sorry your daddy got sick and went away," he said very seriously.

"That's nice of him to say that," I said seriously. "Next time we got visit my mom I can show you and Sam pictures of my dad if you want."

He smiled and hugged me tight around the waist. "Don't get sick, Daddy Derek," he said quietly. "Don't get sick like your daddy and go away. Cause Mommy and Sam really like you. And Mommy's never happy."

"I'll try not to get sick," I said hugging him back. "I plan on being here a very long time."

"What's going on in here?" Meredith was standing in the hall, a smile on her face, her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"We're making pancakes," I smiled at Meredith, leaving my place beside Dillon to give her a quick kiss hello.

"Chocolate chip pancakes, Mommy!" Dillon corrected me. "And Sam and me are helping."

"That's nice of both of you," Meredith said with a smile. "Was it Sam that got flour all over the place?"

"Yeah," Dillon nodded seriously. "He stirred too hard."

"Sam's going to have to clean it up then," Meredith said, the stern look on her face a lot more convincing than the one I had given the bear earlier.

"Sam's sorry," Dillon told her. "Very sorry. And he thinks Derek should be here every morning."

I watched a quick moment of panic cross Meredith's eyes. It was nothing compare to the panic that a comment like that once might have caused but still the panic was there. "I have my own place, bud. I have to stay there sometimes."

"No," Meredith shook her head and smiled lightly, put her hand in mine and squeezing gently. "You know what, Dill? Mommy agrees with Sam."

"Really?" I heard the shock in my own voice as my eyes searched hers desperately, almost finding it hard to believe what I was hearing.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Though, maybe sometimes Sam and Dillon and me should see Derek's place, right, Dill?"

"Yeah, Derek, I want to see your place!" Dillon said excitedly.

"Derek has a trailer, Dill," Meredith smiled at him. "It's a house on wheels."

An adorably perplexed look crossed Dillon's face. "Why do you live in a house with wheels, Daddy Derek?"

Meredith smiled at me. "Yeah, Daddy Derek, why do you live in a house with wheels?"

"I have no reason. I have all this land, lots of room for you and Sam to play in bud, and I just, I never knew what to do with it," I sighed, as I started to flip the pancakes.

"Sam wants to know if you can drive your house on wheels over here and stay in the backyard," he asked as he watched me flipping the pancakes, his hands dangerously close to the flame.

"Watch your hand bud," I told him before answering. "And I could, but I think it's best to leave it where it is. I can sleep over here but sleep in your house. And then you can have sleepovers at the trailer."

"Mommy, can Sam and I sleep at Derek's house on wheels?"

"Sure," she nodded, smiling at me. Her smile was different today. It was full. She had a full smile, as absurd as that sounded. Hope, happiness, love, peace, everything was in the smile.

"Cool!" he laughed. "Sam, we're gonna spend the night at a house on wheels." He watched me and then said, "Daddy Derek, will you stay all day today? We can watch movies and play games and we can play baseball or climb the tree outside."

"Nothing sounds better," I said thankful that I had the day off work.

"Good," he nodded and then hugged me before turning to Meredith. "Mommy, guess what. My birthday wish came true."

"What did you wish for?" Meredith asked him, a worried expression on her face.

"Sam wanted a daddy to live here," he said seriously.

I watched as tears welled up in Meredith's eyes and I pulled her close to my side, letting her rest her head on my shoulder. "Your wish did come true," I nodded. "Now who's ready for some pancakes?" I asked looking at the plate of stacked pancakes that sat in front of me.

"Sam and me!" Dillon cried and stared at the pancakes hungrily. I couldn't help but smile as I served the pancakes, a sense of finally coming home washing over me as I watched my son and the woman I was going to marry gather to eat a breakfast I had made. I finally had a family.

_"When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me, all my wildest dreams came true..."_


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, Meredith wouldn't be in the ocean. Actually, the ferryboat thing wouldn't have happened at all. The entire episode would have been Derek and Meredith having sex.**

I pulled another box out of Land Rover, loving the idiotic smile on my face. Today was the day. I was moving in, moving some stuff from the trailer to the house, most of my stuff actually. Because Meredith's house was my house now. Mine, her's and Dillon's. For the last week I had been busy with work and asking Meredith constantly if she had changed her mind, if she was sure she was ready for this. She had promised she was, numerous times. Every time we spoke on the phone, I asked her, and every time she giggled and said she was ready. And Dillon seemed excited as well, talking about pancakes every morning and stories every night. I was starting to think that I had been invited into the Grey household because of my dad's pancake recipe.

Meredith leaned against the door, a smile spread across her face as I brough another box to the door. "Apparently I have a lot of stuff," I laughed.

"Apparently," she laughed. "Need any help?"

"No, no" I shook my head. "You're good just standing there. Very good at just looking beautiful." I kissed her quickly and squeezed past her.

She giggled and followed me to her, no, our bedroom. "So I was thinking," she grinned at me.

"Thinking? Should I be worried?" I said, placing the box on the ground near our bed.

"I don't think so," she came up behind me, her hands straying to my fly. "Lucas is picking up Dillon for the weekend. It's your first weekend in my house. Maybe we should, I don't know, christen some of the rooms."

"Christening rooms sounds like a brilliant plan," I said, kissing her hard, my hands grabbing her ass and pulling her close.

"Mommy!" Dillon's voice came from the hallway just outside the room. "Mommy, I can't find my shoes!"

"You better go help with that," I said pulling away. "And I have a couple more boxes to get. After Dillon leaves, we will christen all the room."

"More boxes?" she raised her eyebrows at me, and I noticed the small amount of panic immediately.

"Just a few small things," I shrugged.

"You have too much crap," she rolled her eyes. "Is there anything left in the trailer?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I think I might have left some old textbooks from school there. Mer, this is my home now."

"I know," she nodded quickly before turning to go help Dillon find his shoes, but stopped at the door. "And I am very happy to have you here."

"Happy to be here," I smiled, heading back to my car to get the last of the boxes. Even my vehicle looked right in the driveway. I knew we wouldn't be here forever, that eventually we'd build a house on my land. But for now this was home.

I was just closing the trunk when another car pulled into the driveway just behind me. I turned to find Lucas staring at me, hatred written across his features. A part of me wanted to kill the man, but I instead raised my arm in greeting. He slowly got out of his car and stood in front of me, eyes blazing. "Dr. Shepherd," he growled.

"Dr. Kelley," I greeted him, fighting to keep the smile on my face. Meredith didn't need us fighting outside our house.

"Mind if I ask what the hell you're doing?" he stared at the boxes in my arms.

"Moving in," I told him, not trying to keep the smug grin off my face.

"Moving in," he repeated slowly. "You're going to live with my son?"

"Him and Meredith, yes," I nodded.

He made a low guttural sound in his throat and then stalked off towards the house. "Meredith!" he called. "Meredith Grey, I would like to speak with you!"

"Lucas, slow the hell down!" I yelled running after him. Meredith didn't need this fight.

"Daddy!" Dillon came running down the stairs and latched himself around his father's waist. "Daddy! Can we go get ice cream and then to the zoo? Can we, Daddy, please?"

"Later, Dillon," Lucas responded sounding angry. "I have to talk to your mother, right now."

Dillon looked up at his father and then looked at me. "Should Sam and I go up to my room?" he asked, tears springing to his eyes.

"How about you come and help me unpack some of my stuff instead?" I offered holding out my hand for him to grab. I wanted to be there for Meredith but right now our son needed me more. Meredith would have me after the fight, and I knew she'd be fine. She could handle the ass that Lucas was.

"Dillon, go up to your room," Lucas ordered. "I want Dr. Shepherd and your mother here together."

I nodded to Dillon quickly, giving him a sad smile. "Your mom and I will come talk to you later. You and Sam go play," I offered a lot more gently.

He ran upstairs and Lucas turned to me. "You shouldn't encourage the way he treats Sam," he told me gruffly. "He needs to understand that it's just a bear. Not a person."

"To Dillon he's a brother. He'll out grow it eventually, right now it works for him," I said, smiling and shrugging. I was moving in with Meredith today. Lucas wasn't going to get to me, nothing was.

"Lucas, what's your problem?" Meredith came into the foyer, a concerned look on her face. "Dillon just walked past me crying."

"He's less than happy with my relocation," I said, walking over to Meredith and pressing a comforting kiss on her forehead.

Lucas seemed to wince slightly at the contact between Meredith and I but he just frowned and turned to Meredith. "What the hell is your problem? When Kimberly moved in, we talked about it together. We decided together that it was okay for Dillon. We sat down together and explained it to Dillon. Don't you think it's my right to know when another man is moving in to my ex girlfriend's house?"

"Sorry, Lucas. This thing with Derek was kind of spur of the moment, and I knew you wouldnt approve, so we just went with it," she shrugged.

"You just went with it?" Lucas blared. "He's my son, Meredith! I need to be involved with his life and yet every fucking second you're making decisions without me!"

"He's also Derek's son!" Meredith argued much to my joy. "And maybe I shouldn't have done this without talking to you, but it's my house and my decision."

"Excuse me?" Lucas came to her, towering over her small frame. "Dillon is not Derek's son. I am Dillon's father. I have always been Dillon's father."

"And now he has two. Derek is part of Dillon's life, a huge part of Dillon's life," Meredith argued.

"He's your fucking boyfriend, Meredith!" Lucas fumed. "He's my son and I'm not letting someone else raise him! I'll be talking to my lawyer about this."

I noticed panic fill Meredith's eyes and I reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly, silently reminding her to breathe. "Lucas, there's real no reason to bring this lawyer stuff into it."

"The hell there isn't," he growled at me. "I want full custody of my son. It's about damn time someone responsible raised him."

"You won't get it," I told him, my voice calm, cooly calm.

"And why not?" Lucas asked. "I've been here for him for six years. I've taken him to the doctor, held him when he's sick. What the hell have you done, Shepherd? Take him on a fishing trip?"

"The custody battle wouldn't be between us," I told him. "It would be between you and Meredith. And Meredith is twice the parent than you are."

He laughed a little, a smirk playing on his features. "Meredith wouldn't know the first thing about being a good mother. Not to mention, she's living with her boyfriend who she barely knows. I'm sure that will go over well. Especially once Kimberly and I are married."

"You and Kimberly are getting married?" Meredith said, sounding a little shocked at the announcement.

"I proposed to her last night," Lucas grinned. "And you know the courts love it when there's a stable home environment."

"This is stable. Derek and I, this house is stable," Meredith argued.

"The two of you could break up at any second," Lucas sneered. "And God knows it will happen. You're not exactly the marrying type, are you, Meri? Even when a child's life could be better."

"Derek and I, it's different. He's not going anywhere. Derek is, one day we'll get married," Meredith said, sounding quite sure of the fact but still looking at me with some fear in her eyes. I smiled slowly to let her know she was right, that one day we will get married.

"Meredith," he stepped forward, his voice dropping to a whisper as he stroked her cheek, "I know you better than anyone. And I know you won't marry Derek. And I also know that Dillon will be better off with me. You know it too."

Tears filled Meredith eyes, tears and doubt. "You have no right to judge what Derek and I have. You have no right. Derek and I, it's not like it is with other guys, and I love him. Your son loves him. You...you don't, you shouldn't do this," she said, squeezing my hand.

Lucas smirked at her and then turned towards the stairs. "Dill pickle, let's go!" he called and then turned to Meredith. "You'll be hearing from my attorney Monday morning."

"You're an ass," I seethed, letting anger take over for just a second.

"I want to protect my son, Shepherd," he smiled as Dillon came down the stairs, Sam in his arms, his back pack shrugged over his shoulders. "How about we let Sam stay the night with Mommy, Dill pickle?"

Tears filled Dillon's eyes as he held Sam tighter. "I can't go without Sam," he said, his voice filled with unshed tears.

"Dill, buddy," Lucas bent down, "sooner or later Sam's going to have to stay home. You can't carry him with you everywhere. What do the kids at school say?"

"They...they like Sam," Dillon said, tears tracking down his cheeks.

"Dillon, you're six years old, you can't carry around a teddy bear forever."

"But Sam's my brother, Mommy and Derek said he's my brother. Right, Daddy Derek?" Dillon asked looking up at me with pleading eyes.

Lucas's eyes darkened at Dillon's words and he stared at me, murder in his eyes. "Right, bud," I smiled at him, ruffling his hair.

"And I can't go without him," Dillon told his dad, fire in his eyes that made him look even more like his mom.

"Fine," Lucas snapped. "Go wait in the car."

Tears filled Dillon's eyes again. I hated Lucas, no one should make Dillon cry this much. I crouched down and reached my arms out, welcoming him into a hug. "Bye, bud. Your mom and I will see you on Sunday night."

"I don't wanna go," he cried in my arms. "I wanna stay here with you and Mommy!"

"You have to go, bud. But we'll be here waiting for you. Go like the good boy I know you are and I promise you'll get pancakes Monday morning before school," I offered hugging him tight. I really wanted to grab him and carry him upstairs, because I didn't want him to go either, but that just wasn't an option.

"Do I have to, Mommy?" Dillon turned to his mother. "Daddy's being mean. Please let me stay."

"You know I can't. And your daddy is just mad Derek and I, you'll be fine," she said, crouching down to take her turn hugging her son.

"Car, Dillon. Now," Lucas growled.

Dillon turned and gave Meredith and I one last pleading look. I silently mouthed I love you and tilted my head towards the door indicating that he should go. Dillon slightly nodded and headed out the door, even as sobs shook his body. I turned back to Lucas. "Like I said, you're an ass."

"Let's get one thing straight," he barked. "Dillon is my son. You are not his daddy. And I will make sure a court supports that." He turned and stalked out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

"Meredith?" I asked, turning around to find her standing beside me, her face burried in her hands.

"He's going to take away my son," she sobbed. "He's going to take Dillon."

I pulled her into my arms, running a soothing hand up and down her back. "No, he's not, Mer. Dillon's not going anywhere."

"I've never seen him like that," she sobbed into my chest. "He's never like that. He looked like he wanted to kill me."

"He wanted to kill me, Mer," I laughed against her hair. "He's just feeling threatened and he's an ass. I hate the way he talks to Dillon. The man is an ass, but he's not taking our son anywhere."

"He's never talked that way to Dillon before," she sighed. "He loves Dillon. He does. I've never seen him speak that way to Dillon. And he's getting married."

I pulled her closer, holding her as tight to me as possible. "Do you want to get married?" I asked her, holding my breath, half expecting her to freak out.

"What?" she pulled back and stared at me. "What?"

"Do you want to get married?" I said, smiling at her. "We love each other, we live together. We both know we're heading that way. And Dillon would have a steady, secure home here. We could get married."

"Derek, it's too soon. I barely know you. I mean, you're a doctor. And you're great. And Dillon loves you. But, seriously? Seriously!"

"Seriously, if you want to get married, the offer is out there," I said with a shrug, running my hands through her hair. "Now, a year from now, ten years from now, I want to marry you."

"Derek," she breathed my name, tears still staining her cheeks.

"Meredith, you don't have to answer me, I don't need to know now. I'm just putting it out there in the universe," I smiled softly at her.

"Okay," she nodded. "I can't tell you now. But, it's out there. It's on the table. Which means it will always be on the table. Always. Forever. And sooner or later you will want an answer." She was rambling again, god I loved it when she rambled.

"Sooner or later I want an answer. Actually not an answer, just a hint that you're ready to answer. So I can ask my lady properly," I told her.

"Oh," she nodded as she looked down at her hands. "Maybe. Someday. Soon...ish."

"Soonish sounds good," I said, kissing her quickly. "You called Dillon my son."

"He calls you daddy," she shrugged. "And you love him."

"I do," I nodded. "And I will fight tooth and nail to keep my son."

She nodded and cuddled into my chest. "Derek, I know I said we should christen all of the rooms..."

"If you don't want to that's fine," I whispered into her hair.

"Can we just get a glass of wine and go to bed?" she whispered.

"Whatever you want, Mer," I said, taking her hand and starting to lead her towards the kitchen. "But tomorrow night we chirsten the rooms."

_One again and until the end, I am never weary of holding your hand._


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's we wouldn't have thrown Mer in the ocean. On second thought, apparently this leads to Patrick giving an Emmy worthy performance, so maybe we would have.**

I ran my fingers through my dirty hair for the sixth time in twenty minutes, wondering if I smelled like vomit. In the two weeks since Lucas's attorney had contacted Mer, life had been turned upside down. Meredith tried to keep a happy front for Dillon, but she was stressed. I had found her underwater in the bath tub one day and had pulled her out, asking her what she was doing. She hadn't answered me.

Life was tense in the Shepherd-Grey household. Which just seemed wrong, we were living together, things should have been happy, relaxed, perfect. Meredith should be happy, that's what I was here for, to make her happy. And yet she was miserable. And now she was sick. Dillon had come home with the flu a few days ago and now apparently Meredith had picked up the bug too. I had been cleaning up vomit for three days straight. I wasn't complaining, but it was still definitely not how I had pictured my first couple of weeks living with Meredith. Running back and forth between Dillon and Meredith, ginger ale and crackers at hand, emptying mixing bowls of vomit; I wasn't exactly having the best few days of my life. But Dillon's puppy dog eyes were enough to make it worth it.

"How you feeling bud?" I asked, poking my head into his room.

"Sam and I don't feel good," he sighed, holding the teddy bear closely to him, a miserable look on his pale face.

"I know," I said walking over and pressing a hand to both of their foreheads. Dillon didn't seem too warm. "You don't have a temp, but Sam does."

"Sam's worse than me," Dillon sighed. "You should surgeon him."

"Sorry Sam, there's no surgeon that fixes the flu. If there was I'd surgeon all three of you," I responded.

"Is Mommy really sick?" he asked solemnly, a look of guilt passing through his eyes. "I'm sorry I made her sick."

"She's fine and no one blames you," I told him, smoothing his hair that was a mess from spending days in bed. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Can I have noodle soup?" he asked miserably.

"Sure, bud," I smiled, getting up from the bed. "I'm going to go check on your mom and then I'll take care of that."

"Okay," he nodded. "Sam wants crackers."

"Sam can have crackers, but he has to make sure he doesn't get crumbs in bed," I said nodding.

"No crumbs, Sam," Dillon said quietly to his bear as he turned over onto his side and I left the room to go check on Meredith.

Meredith had her eyes closed and she was curled in a ball. She looked as miserable as our son. I hated seeing them both sick. "Mer?"

"Hmmm," she moaned as he attempted to curl even further into herself.

"You okay, hun?" I asked her, sitting down on our bed.

"I feel like hell," she replied. "How's Dillon?"

"I think he's getting a little better, his temp is gone. Sam's not doing so well," I told her, chuckling softly.

She chuckled a little. "Whenever Dillon is sick, so is Sam. And Sam is always worse."

"Good to know," I wiped a strand of hair out of her face. "I'm going to make him some soup. You want anything?"

She groaned and then stood, running to the bathroom to empty whatever could possibly be in her stomach. I followed her patiently, holding back her hair as she vomited. After a few seconds, she fell against me, breathing deeply. "Sorry," she murmured.

"Nothing to be sorry for," I whispered, running my fingers through her dirty hair.

"I hate being sick," she said as she raised herself up slowly. "No food, but maybe some Pepto Bismol?"

"Sure," I said smiling at her. "I'm glad you and Dill aren't alone right now."

"Me too," she sighed. "Help me back to bed?"

"Of course," I responded, grabbing her arm and helping her off the floor. She felt skinnier than usual, tiny and fragile in my hands. I hated Lucas. Even before she had gotten sick she hadn't been eating much and as tiny as she was that wasn't healthy. This stress wasn't healthy.

She looped her arms around my neck, resting her head against my shoulders. "You smell like vomit," she said quietly.

"So do you, this whole family smells like vomit," I laughed, gently placing her back onto our bed.

"You can go back to the trailer to sleep if you want," she sighed. "I know you haven't slept in days."

"Meredith, I'm home. And I'm not going anywhere. I didn't take the week off to sleep in an empty trailer," I told her.

"Has Lucas called?" she asked as she buried her head into her pillow. "He's supposed to take Dillon but I called him to tell him it was a bad idea."

"I haven't heard anything from him yet," I said gently. "I'll take care of it."

"What about the lawyer?" she asked. "Have you heard from him?"

"No, but I will call him later to see if there is any news. And Mer, you're sick. Stop worrying so much," I smiled down at her.

"He could take Dillon," she murmured. "I have to worry, Derek. He could take my son."

"Dillon isn't going anywhere, you know what Ronald said. It will all be fine. And you don't have to worry. Dillon isn't just your son, I can do the worrying," I told her, pressing a quick kiss on her forehead.

She smiled slightly and then frowned. "Derek."

"Yes?" I asked.

"Your cologne," she pulled back, pulling a grimace. "Why the hell are you wearing cologne?"

"I always wear cologne," I said frowning.

"It's too much," she stood up and ran back to the bathroom, throwing up again.

"Sorry," I said, following her back to the washroom and walking over the sink to try to wash some of the scent off.

"Oh God," she moaned. "Just...take a shower or something. I'm going back to bed." She made her back to bed slowly and fell onto the bed with a groan, curling into a ball.

I looked at her worriedly and left the room. I'd take a shower after I took care of Dillon's soup, Sam's crackers and Mer's pepto. And then I would call Ronald and see where we were on the custody case. Because in Meredith's shape that was the last thing she needed to deal with. Besides I wanted to beg Ronald to make this as quick as easy as possible, my family didn't need this stress.

I quickly made the soup, grabbed the crackers and the Pepto, and then went upstairs, balancing it all precariously. To say I was worried about Meredith was an understatement. After Lucas's threat, she hadn't slept for days. She had somehow picked up my habit of pacing and it wasn't unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night to an empty bed and a pacing Meredith.

Meredith had done nothing in her life to deserve this. She had slept with a guy in college, an ass in college and was still dealing with the mess she left. And she didn't deserve this. I wanted this to be over with, I wanted the judge to demand Lucas out of Dillon's life. I wanted to adopt Dillon, I wanted to marry Meredith. I wanted the happily ever part to start.

"Derek!" Dillon's voice called to me as I went upstairs with his chicken noodle soup. "Daddy Derek!"

"Yeah, bud?" I asked, walking down the hallway as quickly as possible.

"I threw up again," he said quietly, coming out of the bathroom, Sam clutched in his tiny arms.

"Oh, bud," I said, setting the soup down and pulling him into my arms. "Are you okay?"

"I don't wanna be sick anymore," he mumbled. "And Sam wants to feel better too."

"I know, I know. Give it a couple of days and you'll be good," I told him soothingly.

"Daddy Derek," he whimpered, "what if you get sick and go away? Like your daddy."

"My daddy got a lot more sick than the flu, bud," I told him looking into his tear filled eyes. "And even if I get sick, I promise you, I will never go away. I'll be with you, Sam and your mommy forever."

"Good," he nuzzled my neck. "Will you read me a story?"

"Of course I will, bud," I told him picking him up and carrying him back to his bed room.

He cuddled into bed, curling into a ball like his mom and handed me a book. "Daddy Derek, I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too," I said, settling down to read to him. This should have been hell, taking care of two sick people should have been hell. And yet it all kind of felt right, I was supposed to be taking care of them.

The next day, Dillon was out of bed and climbing the walls, but Meredith was still sick. I tried my absolute hardest to keep both Dillon and Sam quiet, but after spending three or four days in bed, the six year old couldn't stay still. "Derek! Derek, can I climb the tree! Please! Please! Please!"

"Dillon! We've already been over this, you can't climb a tree, not today. You're just getting over the flu and your mom is sick, and you just can't," I said a little more harshly than I meant to.

"But I'm fine now!" he said, jumping off the couch as I came into the living room. "I haven't thrown up and I'm fine! And Sam's fine!"

"I know you're feeling better but you really shouldn't be climbing a tree after being sick. It's not safe," I told him.

"Can I go ride my bike then?" he asked as he jumped back on the couch, jumping up and down on the cushions.

"I can't go with you, so you have to stay on the driveway," I warned him

"Derek, let's go to the park!" he apparently had changed his mind fast. "Yeah, the park! Sam wants to go to the park!"

"I can't go to the park, bud. Your mom might need me," I said.

"What's going on down here?" Meredith came downstairs, almost as if by cue. She looked awful. Her hair hung around her pale face, her lips chapped and her eyes bloodshot.

"Dillon is a ball of energy," I told her laughing, putting an arm around her to lead her to the couch.

"Mommy, let's go to the park!" Dillon jumped on the cushion next to her as she sat down slowly.

"Maybe tomorrow, Dill," Meredith said trying to smile.

"But I'm boooooooooooored!" he drew out the word as he jumped up and down on the cushion, making Meredith groan.

"Stop jumping," I told him. "And I'm sorry you're bored. How about you go upstairs and play?"

"Upstairs is boring," he said, still jumping.

"Dillon, the jumping, stop it!" I said, a lot more harshly than I meant to, but the movement was obviously making Meredith nauseous.

He stopped for a second and then stared at me. He obviously was testing me. Testing my limits. "Why?" he said, taking a little jump. "I'm bored."

"I know you're bored, but your mother doesn't feel well and you jumping is not helping," I told him seriously, feeling like his dad for the first time

He turned to Meredith and gave her a kiss on the head. "Mommy, are you sick?"

"Yeah, babe, mom's not feeling so well," Meredith responded.

"Oh," he bit his bottom lip for a second. "Sam will kiss it and make it all better."

"I wish it was that easy," Meredith said grimacing slightly.

Dillon sat down next to her and put his head on her lap. "It will be okay, Mommy."

"You want anything, Mer? A cup of tea? A hug?" I asked.

"No," she sighed. "Why don't you take him to the park before he explodes?"

"You sure you'll be okay here alone?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Izzie's coming over for a little bit."

"Okay, I'll bring my cell and you will call me if you need anything. Anything. " I told her as Dillon ran to the foyer to put on his shoes.

"I will," she nodded and curled up on the couch, bringing her knees to her chest. "Have fun, boys. Dill, be good."

"He's always good," I told her, leaning over and giving her a quick kiss. "Love you."

"You too," she murmured. "And don't kiss me, we don't need you getting sick too."

"I had my flu shot. Webber's orders," I told her. "So I can kiss you all I want."

"You like kissing my vomity mouth?" she looked at me, eyebrows raised.

"I just like kissing you period, vomitty or not," I smiled.

"Get out of here," she chuckled a little bit, hitting my arm.

"You'll miss me," I laughed as I headed to grab my jacket.

"Of course," she nodded. "See you soon."

"Bye," I told her opening the door and leading a skipping Dillon outside.

"We're gonna play on the swings and on the slide," he was talking so fast I could barely understand him. "And on the go round."

"Okay," I laughed at his enthusiasm.

"And then we'll get ice cream!" he shouted. "Derek, let's get ice cream! And ice cream for Mommy!"

"I don't think your mommy wants any ice cream right now," I told him. "But we can have some."

"Do you think Aunt Izzie will bring Becky?" he asked. "Sam wants to see Becky!"

"I don't know, bud. She might not want Becky to get sick," I answered.

"Oh," he nodded. "Okay, Daddy Derek, let's go have lots of fun!"

"Sounds good," I said smiling at him. He was the most active little kid ever. And that most adorable. I was used to kids, but something about Dillon made him different. Maybe because he was practically mine but I had feeling it was more than that.

We had a blast at the park for a couple of hours. Dillon was a ball of energy, never stopping, never even resting. I definitely got a work out just playing with him. He loved the swings, and must have been on them for an hour before I finally pulled him away from them. We stopped to get ice cream and then went home, where we found Izzie in the kitchen. "Aunt Izzie!" Dillon ran and hugged her.

"Hey Izz," I greeted her. "How's Mer doing?"

"She's upstairs in the bathroom," she said to me as she hugged Dillon. "Still feeling pretty sick."

"I'm going to go check on her," I said, moving to head upstairs. "Bud, how about you tell Aunt Izzie about the park?"

"Oh, Aunt Izzie!" Dillon started talking excitedly and I laughed as Izzie shot me a look.

I bounded up the stairs, worried about Meredith. She had seemed slightly better when we had been leaving so for her to be in the washroom yet again was definitely worrisome. She wasn't bouncing back as quickly as I had wanted. "Mer?" I asked, knocking on the door.

There wasn't an answer and I knocked again before slowly opening the door to find Meredith sitting on the tub, crying. "Derek," she sobbed.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" I asked, my heart rate tripling immediately.

"Derek," she sobbed and then fell into my arms, her body shaking with each sob.

"It's okay, it's okay," I murmured gently into her hair. I didn't know if it was okay. I didn't even know what was wrong. But I had her, she was in my arms, I was here. So it would be okay.

_"Everybody's looking for what we've found..."_


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer So apparently there are new promos with Meredith bleeding and Derek running. If we owned Grey's NONE of this would be happening. We understand this kind of thing is not healthy for the fans at all.**

Meredith sobbed in my arms, she was completelyfalling apart in my arms. And it was hard to hold somebody together when you had no idea why they were falling apart. But I held her tight, even though she smelled like vomit and obviously needed a shower, I held her tight. Because this was my job, to hold her together. But the sobs terrified me because I had no idea where they were coming from. And I didn't know how to fix them.

She shook terribly in my arms, her breath coming in sharp gasps. She was hyperventilating now, each breath becoming harder to take. I held her close, trying to stop the shaking, but I couldn't stop it. Her arms were limp by her sides, and her body was against mine, her head buried in my shoulder. "I-I-I," she gasped.

"Meredith, breathe, you have to breathe," I tried to calm her down, tried to sound soothing even though my heart was no racing in my own chest, and I wasn't sure who was shaking worst, her or me.

"I-I-don't know," she gasped, shaking even worse.

"Mer, what's wrong? Mer, just breathe," I told her, rubbing her back and pulling her a little closer still. "I'm here."

"Don't," she sobbed. "Please don't."

"Okay, okay, Mer," I said, even though I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to. But whatever Meredith needed was okay. So I just held her close letting my shirt absorb all of her tears, keeping my arms tight around her shaking body. And then my eyes fell on the empty box.

I stared at the box for a moment, my eyes going wide and then looked down at my crying girlfriend. She was gripping something in her right hand, gripping it tightly, and I reached down to take it. "Don't," she whimpered.

"Meredith, I need to know," I told her, nodding slowly and encouragingly at her.

"N-n-no," she shook her head and pulled away, still gasping for air. "I'm o-o-kay."

"Meredith, this...this is just as much about me asi it is about you, I need to see it," I told her, trying to grab for her again but she evaded my grasp.

"It's nothing," she shook her head, standing up a little too quickly, almost losing her balance before I grabbed her.

"Mer, it's something," I told her, rubbing my hands up and down her arms.

"Derek," she pleaded with me with her green eyes, tears still sparkling in them.

"Meredith," I pleaded back. "You can't avoid this, whatever this is, it's not something you can avoid.

She stared at me for a moment and then nodded, placing the stick in my hand. "Don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," I told her before even looking down at the stick. Postive. The stick said positive. Meredith was pregnant. My Meredith was pregnant. My Meredith was pregnant with my child. Pregnant. I was going to have a child, a tiny little one that was mine. That didn't have another daddy to cause the problems. Meredith was pregnant. A smile spread across my face. "We're pregnant."

"I'm pregnant," she sighed, and I saw panic flutter into those tear-filled eyes.

"We're pregnant," I corrected her. "Us. We're going to be parents again, Meredith."

"Derek," she sighed. "It's so soon. Too soon. We barely know each other. You just moved in and damn it, why didn't we use a condom on the ferris wheel?"

"We were on a ferris wheel, Mer. I don't think people think of condoms when having spontaneous sex on broken down ferris wheels," I laughed.

"This really isn't good," she sighed. "I mean, I thought I could do this normally for once. Be married for a while. Not get knocked up from a guy I've only been dating for a couple of months. God, what am I going to do?"

I took her face in my hands gently, forcing her eyes to meet mine, forcing her to see the smile on my face. "You are not going to do anything, we are going to do something. And no one ever said we had to do this normally."

"You're happy?" she asked, her fearful eyes meeting my own excited ones.

"Happy? Meredith, there is no word for this. Happy, I'm ecstatic!" I exclaimed.

She smiled slightly but her face fell into a frown again. "I should have known," she said softly, "my morning sickness with Dillon was awful. God, I don't know if I can do this again. Any of it. I didn't even think I wanted more kids."

"We can do this. Me and you and Dillon, we can do this," I told her, loving the confidence in my own voice, hoping it was enough to reassure her.

"Oh God, Dillon," her eyes filled with tears again. "He's about to go through a custody battle and getting a younger sibling? He's going to end up dark and twisty just like me and I've tried not to make him dark and twisty."

"Meredith, Dillon is not going to end up dark and twisty. Dillon is going to end up fine. He wants a sibling, he wants a family with us," I said, rubbing her shoulders .

"A family," she whimpered.

"Yes, Mer. A family. We're a family. We can do family," I smiled.

"I have no idea how to do family," she told me.

"You've been doing it beautifully as long as I've been with you," I told her.

She stared at me for a moment, trying to fight the emotions raging through her tired body. "You're not going to leave?"

"I am never going anywhere," I nodded, pressing my hand on her still flat stomach. "This is my child. Dillon is my child. And I am here from now on."

Her hand found mine and she squeezed it. "Don't ask me to marry you, though. I'm not marrying you just because I'm pregnant."

"No proposals from me, not today," I said, letting so of her hand and squeezing my arms around her, pulling her close again.

"I was so scared," she breathed into my ear. "We're not ready for this."

"We don't always get a chance to be ready," I whispered gently to her.

"You need to stop jumping me in random places," she was smiling now, I could feel it. Her body was beginning to relax against mine.

"But you like when I jump you in random places," I winked at her, loving that the smile was back on her face.

"Not when it leads to me being pregnant," she sighed.

"Sorry, I'll try not to next time," I smiled. "Should we go downstairs and tell our son he's going to be a big brother?"

"I don't know," she pulled away from me. "Maybe we should wait..."

"Dillon should know. Merdith, the kid acts like his teddy bear is his brother. He should know," I said, whiping a stray tear away from her cheek.

"I guess," she sighed. "But you get to explain to him how babies are made if he asks."

"Oh, I see. You raise him till he's six and then second I step in you pass him off to me," I laughed, grabbing her hand to lead her out of the washroom.

"You're the reason I'm pregnant," she eyed me sternly. "So you get to tell him how that happened."

"Do I tell him about the ferris wheel part?" I asked her devilishly.

"Only if you want to pay for the years of therapy he'll go through," she giggled.

"Fine, no ferris wheel," I told her as we headed down the stairs. Dillon sat at the kitchen table, Sam on the chair beside him as they talked with Izzie, Dillon still talking about everything we had done at the park.

"Hey," Izzie looked up, a smile on her face. "Do I get to say congratulations?"

"You knew?" I asked.

"I bought the test," she laughed. "Congratulations!" She jumped up and hugged us tightly.

"Thanks," I smiled, glancing over at Dillon who sat in his spot looking confused. "Bud, mommy and I have to talk to you."

"Was I bad?" he asked carefully.

"No. It's a good talk, a big talk but a good talk," I told him.

"Can Sam come?" he asked as he got up.

"Yep, Sam's going to want to hear this too," Meredith piped up.

Izzie stood and kissed Dillon on the forehead. "Bye, Dill," she smiled. "Bye, Mer. I'm so happy for you guys!"

"Thanks Izz," Meredith said as Izzie headed out and then she turned to Dillon. "So we need to talk."

"Have I been so good you're gonna get me the Jeep I want?" he smiled at her.

"No," Meredith said shaking her head. "But according to Derek it's something else you want."

"Hmmm," Dillon said, scrunching his face up. "Legos?"

"Not quite, bud," I told him crouching down to his level. "Remember that talk we had the other day when we made the pancakes?"

"Bout your daddy?" he asked, panic filling his eyes. "You said it was a good talk! Are you sick and you gotta go away?"

"No, no," I quicky corrected him. "The other part of our talk."

"Ummmm," he scrunched up his face again. "Bout Sam?"

"Kind of," I nodded. "Remember we talked about you being Sam's little brother. And how you wanted one of your own."

"A brother," Dillon nodded. "But not a sister."

Meredith giggled from behind me. "Dillon, you don't get to pick whether it's a brother or sister," she explained.

"Sam doesn't want a sister," he told her seriously.

"Sam might be getting a sister," I told him, smiling widly. All this smiling was starting to hurt.

"But Sam doesn't want a sister," Dillon repeated.

"Well, Sam might be getting a brother," I shrugged.

"Really?" Dillon grinned. "Can we go right now and get him?"

"It doesn't work that way bud, you have to wait," I told him.

"Sam doesn't wanna wait," he frowned.

"Sam's going to have to wait. Your mommy's pregnant," I started to explain, loving the words as they tumbled out of my mouth.

"Will Sam's brother look like Sam?" Dillon interrupted me.

"Nope," I shook my head. "It's your brother or sister and they will look just like you, your mom and I."

The look on Dillon's face was classic and frankly hilarious. He was staring at me as if I had grown another two heads and was talking in another language. "But you said Sam's gonna have a brother."

"Well Sam's your brother too, isn't he?" I laughed.

"Yeah," Dillon nodded slowly. "But I don't wanna share Sam."

"Okay, no sharing Sam. The brother or sister is all yours," I told him in a very serious tone.

"When is my brother coming?" he asked.

"In about 8 months. And it might be a sister," I reminded him.

"How's he gonna get here?" Dillon completely ignored anything I was saying about a sister.

"The baby has to grow in mommy's belly first," I said, reaching up to press my hand against Meredith's stomach. I could not wait to see it grow, to watch her carry our child.

"How'd he get in there?" Dillon was staring at my hand and then up at his mother. "Mommy, did you swallow a baby!"

"I didn't swallow a baby," she shook her head. "And I have to umm...call Cristina. So umm...Derek you can tell him," she finished sneaking out of the room just like I'm sure she had planned to all along.

Dillon looked horrified as he stared at me. "Daddy Derek, did my mommy swallow a baby?"

"No, bud. Babies aren't swallowed," I shook my head, clearing my throat. "They're made."

"How'd my brother get made?" he reached up his arms to be picked up.

This shouldn't be hard. I was a doctor, telling a little boy about baby making wasn't a big deal. I was one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, I could do this. "Bud, when two grown ups, old grown ups like mommy and me, and they fall in love they do stuff. And this stuff...this stuff makes babies."

"What kinda stuff?" he asked.

"It's like kissing, but a more grown up version of it," I tried to explain. I couldn't believe how idiotic I sounded.

"You mean like on the movies when people kiss with their tongues?" he asked, showing me his tongue as if I wasn't sure what a tongue was.

"Well kind of," I shrugged. "But to make a baby it goes further than that," I sighed. Meredith had trusted me with this, this big huge thing you have to tell your son at some point in his life that literally would change him forever. Meredith had trusted me and I was beyond fucking it up. "You know how boys and girls are made different, right?"

"Um..." he thought carefully. "Boys have short hair and girls have long hair?"

"Well umm...yes. But more than that. Like mommy has breasts, and I don't."

"What's breasts?" he asked.

I cleared my throat harshly. "The umm...mommy's chest."

"Oh, okay," Dillon nodded. "So the baby comes from Mommy's chest?"

"No, actually the chest has nothing to do with the baby. It's just one of the ways boys and girls are made different. Just like you have a penis. And I have a penis. Girls don't," I explained awkwardly.

"How do girls go pee pee then?" he asked. This was getting awkward.

"They have other parts," I tried to tell him. No six year old boy needed to know what parts girls had.

"So how did the baby get in Mommy's tummy?" he asked.

"Well umm..." I coughed. This was most definitely the complicated part. "As I said, when a man and woman love each other they do things. Things that involve the boy parts and the girl parts and a lot of kissing."

"And how'd the baby get made?" he stared at me, confusion written across his features.

I suddenly remembered my dad having this conversation with me. It was on Sunday morning over making pancakes together. And somehow it had worked. "Well, it's kind of like making pancakes."

"Pancakes?" the confusion deepened.

"You know how we take different ingredients, that definitely aren't pancakes and mix them together to make them pancakes?" He nodded. "Well it's like that. Mommy had ingredients in her, stuff, that are part of the baby making. And I have the rest of the ingredients. So they need to be mixed together. And when they are, in the right way, a baby is made."

"Oh," he nodded. "But pancakes only take a few minutes until they're ready. Why does my brother take so long?"

"Because they have to grow a little before they come out," I told him.

"Well, he needs to come soon," Dillon said, a smile on his face. "What are we gonna name him?"

"It might be a sister," I told him, ignoring his question, as Meredith walked back into the room.

"Nah, it'll be a brother," he turned to Meredith. "Mommy, Daddy Derek says you two made pancakes and now I have a brother!"

"We made pancakes?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow towards me.

"Oh, uh," I stammered, a smile on my face.

"Cristina and the rest of the family want to take us out for dinner tonight to celebrate," Meredith said.

"Mommy, can Mr. Mark come too?" Dillon shouted. "And Sam. Sam wants to come."

"I'll call Mark and let him know," I volunteered. "Dillon, want to run and get me the phone?" I asked, knowing the portable sat in the other room.

"Yep!" he shouted and then turned to leave but turned again and hugged Meredith. "Mommy, Sam's glad he's getting a brother." And then he ran off to get the phone.

"Sorry about the pancakes thing," I shrugged. "You kind of left me high and dry and that was the best I could come up with."

"What exactly did you tell him?" she giggled as she cuddled into my arms.

"I honestly don't remember. Something about girl parts and boy parts and kissing. And about how we both had baby ingredients and they had to be mixed together," I grimaced. "It was bad."

She laughed and kissed me. "Probably better than I could have done," she sighed. "Derek, are you sure we can do this?"

"No," I told her, still smiling. "But I'm sure we can try damn hard. And that's all anyone can ask for."

She nodded against my chest and then sighed, "I guess I should take a shower. I still smell like vomit."

"It's kind of charming once you get used to it," I joked.

"Well, I'm sure everyone else will be disgusted," she pulled away from me and started walking towards the stairs. "Don't wear any cologne!" she called to me over her shoulder.

Meredith was pregnant. The love of my life was pregnant with my child. And god she was right, this was far too soon. We had just started talking about marriage and even that felt fast. And now there was a baby. Meredith and I had been moving at warp speed since the moment we had first kissed. And now I was going to be a dad, again. Now I was really starting my own family.

_I've discovered englightenment holding your hand_


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's. Because apparently characters run amock in our heads...and if we actually owned the show, who knows what the hell could happen.**

It had been only four days since Meredith had told me she was pregnant. And in those four days, I hadn't stopped smiling. Not once. I was going to be a father. Well, I was already a father. Dillon was my son. But I was going to have a baby of my own. A small baby with my hair and Meredith's eyes, and hopefully her nose. I had plans, already. Things I would teach my son or daughter to do.

I had never been this excited before. I'd have to make my office more baby friendly. It had already gone under the Dillon makeover, everyone that came over here loved it. Toys sat through out, toys that were supposed to be put away but never managed to make it there. Hand drawn pictures sat on the desk and hung on the walls. But now there was going to be baby, so it would have to change again. A playpen would have to be added, every socket would have to be covered, I would have to look into finding a way to cover the edges of my plastic desk. I knew I was planning way too far in advance, but the thought that I would be a daddy had taken over my every thought and action. I walked around with a huge moronic grin on my face. Mark was threatening to never speak to me again.

Of course Mark was secretly thrilled for me, I knew he was. The rest of my family didn't know, Meredith wanted to wait. She wanted to do the whole wait for 3 months just to make sure, I was okay with that. Not that I believed her. I knew that telling my family would make everything more real and that she wasn't ready for it, and that's why she didn't want to say anything. I was okay with that too.

I knew I'd have a hard time keeping Mark's mouth shut, but bribes were working pretty well thus far. It was Dillon that couldn't stop talking about being a big brother. Every night as Meredith and I tucked him in, he asked how many days it was until his little brother got here. He didn't believe he could have a sister, a brother was the only kind of sibling he wanted. And he was ecstatic.

Now he played in my office, drawing pictures of fish for his little brother. Because he had decided since he hated fishing so much that his little brother would love it, so I'd be able to share that with him. Of course I couldn't share the pancakes, according to him that mine and his thing. So he drew the pictures of fish, planning to decorate his little brother's room with them. I assumed it was a form of brainwashing and worried about what Yang had done to him as a baby. I would have to talk to Meredith about it in a very gentle way. Dillon was a great kid, but he had the tendency to get snarky and cynical. It was cute, but I imagined it would be a pain in the ass once he reached his teenage years. My child would probably need to be protected from his or her parents' best friends. I shuddered at the thought of what Mark could "teach" my child.

"Bud, maybe you should draw a picture of a pony or something?" I suggested gently.

"Nope," he shook his head. "Fishies. Brother is going to like fishies. Just like you."

"Dillon, we've talked about this. The baby might be a sister," I tried to explain for what might have been the millionth time.

He rolled his eyes as he grabbed the orange crayon from the box. "But Sam and I don't want a sister," he explained slowly. "Sam and I want a brother."

"You don't always get what you want," I tried to tell him, even though I knew it was a waste.

"It's gonna be a brother and he's gonna like fishies," he told me. "So his room will have fishies."

I got up from my desk and walked over, grabbing a spot on the ground beside him, looking at the blue fish he was drawing. "Dillon, I just don't want you to be disappointed if it's not a brother. I know it's what you want, but if it's a sister, you have to love her too."

"Can a sister like fishies?" he looked up at me, his eyes wide.

"Well yeah," I shrugged. None of my sisters like them but it wasn't outside the realm of possibility.

"Then I'll try to like her," he shrugged. "But I want a brother. And so does Sam."

I laughed at a lack of anything else to say. Because I could try to think of many things to respond and Dillon would still stick to the same thought, that it was indeed a brother because that's what he wanted. And that was that. So arguing was worthless and really it was kind of cute. "Well if you don't get a brother we'll go out and get Sam one."

"Okay," Dillon nodded as he bent his blonde head down to draw another fish. "Derek?"

'Yeah, bud?" I asked ruffling his hair.

"When I was born, I had Sam. What will my brother have?" he asked seriously.

"I don't know, bud, I think we're going to have to talk to Mommy about that when you get home Sunday," I answered.

"Daddy's late," he said frankly, as if it weren't a surprise or even something new.

"He'll be here soon," I reassured him. "He is probably just finishing up a surgery."

"Derek, does my Daddy still love me?" he picked up a black crayon.

"Of course he does," I answered a little shocked the question and more shocked at the matter of fact tone he said it in.

"I don't think he does," he started drawing a black fish now.

"Why not?" I asked, trying to keep the concern from my voice.

"Cause he told Kimmy I was a 'take," he said softly. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad."

Anger ripped through my body. Because Dillon hadn't been a mistake. Meredith sleeping with Lucas maybe, but never Dillon. I wanted to punch the man for even saying it. Instead I pulled Dillon into my arms. "You were not a mistake, Dillon. Never let anyone tell you that. Your mommy and I love you very much."

"Will you love me after my brother comes?" he asked. "Because Tommy at school said his mommy and daddy don't love him anymore since his brother was born."

"Your mommy and I will never stop loving you," I reassured him, gently pressing my lips against his nose. "You will always be my bud."

"What will you call my brother?" he asked as he turned and went back to his coloring.

"I don't know yet, because it might be a sister," I gently reminded him.

"It's gonna be a brother," he giggled.

"Want to make a bet?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Okay!" he nodded enthusiastically.

"If it's a boy I'll do your chores for a week. If it's a girl you do my chores for a week," I suggested.

"Hmmmm," he scrunched up his face, "and you'll buy me and Sam ice cream."

"It's a deal," I told him, holding out my hand for him to shake.

He shook it and then turned his head as there was a knock at my door. "Daddy!" he cried, jumping up to open the door for Lucas.

"Hey Dillon," he greeted. And then he looked at me, probably a little thrown off at finding one of his bosses sitting cross legged on the floor, colouring on a piece of paper. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Daddy, guess what I'm doing!" Dillon grabbed his father's hand and led him over to the small table.

"What?" Lucas asked, sounding less than enthused to be being dragged further into my office.

"Drawing fishies for my brother!" the six year old proclaimed proudly as I winced.

"Brother? You mean Sam?" Lucas asked, looking at the bear that sat on my lap with slight disgust.

"Nope!" Dillon shook his head, laughing a little bit. "Sam doesn't like fishies, Daddy! But my baby brother will!"

"What baby brother?" Lucas asked, sounding angry now as he looked between Dillon and I.

"Mommy and Daddy Derek made pancakes and now I'm gonna get a brother," Dillon explained.

I cleared my throat and tried to not turn bright red at pancake mention. I had to make sure Dillon stopped repeating that story. "Sorry, you probably shouldn't have found out like this," I tried to apologize.

"Meredith's pregnant?" Lucas stared at me, hate and disgust burning in his eyes.

"Yeah, we uhh...we just found out," I told him, meeting his gaze head on, even if my voice faltered slightly.

"Typical for her," Lucas snorted. "Has she dumped you yet?"

"No she hasn't dumped me yet and she won't be. Ever," I told him.

"That's what you think," he grinned. "Meredith is just like any other S-L-U-T."

This was going to get messy. This wasn't even a talk I should be having, Meredith had wanted to tell Lucas herself. It hadn't occured to us that Dillon might say the wrong thing. So now it was my mess to deal with. My mess. "Bud," I said leaning toward Dillon. "Remember where Uncle Mark's office is?"

"Yep," he nodded. "Go to the 'levator and press 5. And then turn to the window and go down three doors. That's Uncle Mark's office."

"Good job. I have to talk to your dad for a few minutes, can you go see Uncle Mark? You can show him all the nice pictures you drew," I said.

Dillon nodded and gathered his pictures, leaving the office excitedly. Lucas stared at me. "Who the hell is Mark?" he growled. "Where did you just send my son?"

"Dr. Sloan's office. He's my best friend, I grew up with the man," I said, walking back to my desk.

"Mark Sloan?" he asked. "I've heard about him. And none of it was good."

"Well I wouldn't suggest sending your sister to his office," I laughed. "But he loves Dillon, and he's great with him."

"You know, for once, I'd love to get a say in what happens to my son," he stated.

"Have all the say you want," I spat at him. "But you didn't want him in this room right now, because there's some things I want to say to you that your son definitely does not need to hear."

"I don't want to hear a damn thing from you," he said. "Not one damn thing."

"I've had to watch my pregnant girlfriend walk around our house beyond stressed for the past month, so you're going to hear what I have to say," I said, venom in my voice.

"Look, if this is about the custody case, I have every right to make sure my son is being raised properly."

"You do," I agreed. "And Meredith is doing a hell of a job of it. She's an amazing mother."

"Really?" he laughed. "Getting knocked up by a guy she's been dating for a few months? Promiscuity doesn't make a good mother."

Don't you dare talk about Meredith that way. Have you even bothered to find out what kind of woman she has become? The woman that dropped out of med school and gave up all her dreams for your child. The woman who has no role model as a mother, she knows nothing about a mother and yet raised one of the most remarkable children I've ever met. She hadn't even had a boyfriend in I don't know how long. Don't you dare talk about that Meredith!" I shouted.

"You know, Dr. Shepherd, I feel sorry for you," he shook his head slowly. "She's got you believing she's this amazing person. Meredith was drunk for half of the six months I was with her. She's not capable of feeling love for anyone but her damn self. I raised Dillon too you know."

"You see Dillon every second weekend. Actually not even that, I know how many times you cancel on the poor kid. And you...Meredith is amazing, she's the most amazing person I have ever known. You are fortunate that she ever bothered touching you," I yelled.

"I have a job, Dr. Shepherd," he yelled. "A job that requires my attention. Meredith knew and understood this when I moved to Seattle to be closer to my son for my internship. I love my son, Dr. Shepherd. And I want the best for him."

"If you wanted what was best for your son, if you had any idea what was best for your son, you wouldn't be trying to take him away from his mother, from the woman who loves him more than anything," I said quietly, but with venom in my voice.

"I'm trying to make sure my son is in a stable environment," he shot back. "I should have done this years ago. Meredith was going to abort him. What kind of mother even thinks about that?"

"A mother who's scared and has no idea what she's doing! A mother that was planning on becoming a doctor!" I shouted. "We have a stable home. Meredith, me and Dillon. It's a stable home. With another family member on the way."

"Interesting that Meredith never learned to be careful," he snickered. "After what happened with Dillon, I figured she wouldn't want another mistake baby."

"This child, mine and Meredith's child is not a mistake. It's not planned, but damn the child is a mistake. No child is a mistake. And the pure fact you talk about your son like that, your son, tells me you have no right raising a child," I exploded at him, like I had wanted to earlier.

"Are you saying I don't love my son?" he growled, coming close to me, a vein in his forehead throbbing.

"I don't know if you love your son or not. But I know what he thinks," I told him quietly, hating being this close to the ass that had hurt Meredith so badly.

"What?" he reeled back as if I had slapped him. "What do you mean?"

"He heard what you said to that bimbo you're marrying. He heard you call him a mistake. That poor little guy thinks his daddy doesn't love him. He came to me, his unofficial step-dad to tell me he thinks his own dad doesn't love him," I told him, not masking the disgust in my voice.

He stared at me, hard and cold. "I love him. I don't know what kind of shit you're poisoning him with."

"Lucas, you're an ass. I can't stand you. And I have never said anything but positive things in front of your son. Your son has no idea how I feel about you. When he's with Mer and I he hears only positive," I informed him, my voice calm.

"I'm going to talk to Meredith about keeping Dillon after Sunday," Lucas stated. "I don't want him around you."

"What the hell is your problem? Are you that afraid I'm going to steal your son from you?" I asked, shaking my head in disgust as fear raced through my body. He couldn't take Dillon, Meredith had custody, he just couldn't take him. I couldn't be responsible for Meredith losing her son.

"Every time he's with me all he talks about is what he does with Daddy Derek," he mocked. "I can't even take him to the fucking zoo without hearing about the time he went with Daddy Derek."

"I make him happy and you want to take him away from that. Jealous. You're taking your son away from the mother that raised him because you're jealous," I said, biting back a bitter laugh.

"He's my son," he stressed irrationally. "For six years, I've held him when he's sick. I've taught him how to throw a baseball. I've laughed with him and cuddled with him. He's my son, damn it."

"Lucas, I'm not trying to take any of that away from you. He loves you, he's your son. I don't want to take him away from you. But I love him too and he loves me. I just want to be part of his life, that's all," I said calmly, not even feeling any anger anymore. Actually I almost felt sorry for him.

"He calls you Daddy," he said pathetically, and for the first time, I saw tears in his eyes. Dillon's eyes.

"He calls you Daddy too," I pointed out. "You're daddy, I'm daddy Derek."

"I don't hear him calling Kimberly Mommy," he sighed. "I'm supposed to be his one and only daddy. I'm supposed to be the guy he goes to no matter what."

"You are that guy, you're his dad. He adores you. I hear about you all the time," I told him honestly, even though it pained me somewhat to admit that Dillon really wasn't mine.

"You do?" he sighed, defeat settling into his body.

"I do," I nodded. "Dillon can have two families, it's possible you know."

"I don't know," he shook his head. "My dad died when I was seven. I'm completely flying blind here."

"Ten. I was ten when my dad died," I told him. Apparently I was now bonding with the enemy. "So don't think I know much more than you do."

He stared at me and sighed, "I'm going to go get Dillon."

"He's excited to spend the weekend with you," I told him, giving him a small smile, hesitating for a second. "You don't actually think he's a mistake, do you?"

"God no," he shook his head. "He's uh, my little boy. My Dill pickle."

I didn't have the heart to tell him Dillon hated the nickname. "Good," I nodded slowly. "You're not a bad guy, Lucas. You're not the enemy."

"I'm not trying to be," he nodded and then walked towards the door before turning to me. "You really love him?"

"I do," I nodded. "He's my bud."

He nodded again and then said, "Congratulations, by the way. On the baby."

"Thanks," I said a little shocked. "Tell Dillon I said bye. And Mer and I will see him Sunday night."

He smiled a little and then said, "Tell Meredith I'll talk to the lawyers. Maybe tweak the custody agreement a little."

"I'll let her know," I said, smiling at how much everything had just changed.

He smiled back at me and then closed the door softly behind him, leaving me in complete and utter shock. I knew he wouldn't back down immediately. And I knew his jealousy wouldn't go away, but I had the strangest feeling that Lucas had suddenly given me permission to help raise his son.

_"This is the day, when everything changes."_


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Meredith is spending Valentine's Day in the ocean. If we owned Grey's she'd be spending it in the shower...with Derek.**

I was still reeling. My brain still hadn't caught up to what had happened earlier. I walked into my strangely quiet house and barely noticed, because my brain was too loud. Somehow Lucas and I had started to bond, I actually understood why Lucas hated me. And I didn't hate him. Because I knew how he felt, I knew because he had tried to do what he was accusing me of doing. I understood him.

Lucas and I weren't that different. We both wanted a family. We both wanted the best for Dillon. And we were both flying blind as fathers. It was amazing that we had both lost our fathers at a young age, and I suddenly understood that we were both over compensating. That we wanted to be the fathers neither of us had had. "Hey," Meredith smiled as she came into the living room.

"I had the strangest day," I told her as I waked over and gave her a quick kiss hello.

"Oh?" she raised her eyebrows. "Interesting patients?"

"No, just the usual. However, I had an interesting talk with Lucas," I told her.

"Oh God," she sighed. "I'm sorry. What'd he say now? You didn't tell him about the baby, did you?"

"Dillon told him about the baby," I smiled in apology.

She rolled her eyes. "I figured he would. I was just hoping I'd reach him on his cell before he picked up Dillon today."

"He says congratulations by the way," I filled her in.

"He said what?" she stared at me, her eyes wide.

"Congratulations," I nodded. "Told you, strangest day."

"How did that happen?" she asked. "And did he say anything about the custody case?"

"I think he might be dropping that custody case. He said something about maybe tweaking custody, but I don't think he's planning on taking Dillon. And really, I don't know how it happened," I shrugged, sinking down onto the couch.

She sat down next to me, looking a little overwhelmed. "He's dropping the case?" she whispered. "What did you say to him?"

"I don't know. There was yelling and then there wasn't. He lost his dad when he was 7, did you know that?" I asked her taking her hand.

"Yeah," she nodded. "His mother died when he was in college. But she was never the same after his dad died." She stared at me. "You bonded with Lucas?"

"I did. He's not a bad guy," I told her, although I knew she already knew that. "He just was worried about losing his son to me."

She cuddled into my arms, resting her head on my shoulder. "He's always been afraid of that. He doesn't understand that Dillon loves him."

I nodded my head against hers. "I feel bad for him. Dillon's an amazing kid, and I feel like he's never taken the real chance to know him."

"He's always busy," she sighed. "And I know that's not an excuse though."

"It's definitely not. But I really do think he's trying his best," I told her.

She nodded and sighed, "So he's okay now?"

"I think so. I think he's willing to give this a try, two families and all," I said, pulling her a little closer to me.

"How was Dillon today?" she murmured, she sounded exhausted. Or maybe just content.

"He was good, he's been drawing pictures of fish for his little brother," I laughed.

"Fish?" she giggled. "And we really need to get him to understand he may have a little sister."

"I tried again. He said he'll try to like her if it's a sister, but he's still convinced," I told her.

"What do you want?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"I honestly don't care. I want a healthy beautiful baby, that's all," I said, my hand resting on her stomach that was still flat. I couldn't wait till the tiny bump started to appear.

"I figure I should go to the doctor soon," she nuzzled her head. "Know any good OBs?"

"Nancy but she doesn't take family," I told her. "Dr. Montgomery at the hospital is one of the best."

"Maybe I should make an appointment with Dr. Montgomery," she nodded. "Derek, is it bad that I'm scared?"

"No, I'm terrified," I laughed gently. "I'm pretending this scared thing is how we're supposed to feel."

"I did this by myself last time," she said quietly. "At this point in time last time, I was completely by myself."

"You're not alone this time," I pulled her close to me, so close that there was no space between us. "Never alone again. Stuck with me."

"I could think of worse people to be stuck with," she giggled, turning and capturing my lips.

"Hmmm..." I muttered against her lips. "Ms. Meredith Grey I do believe we have an empty house."

"Why, Dr. Derek Shepherd, I think you're right," she moaned as she climbed into my lap, kissing me deeply.

"No couch this time," I said, pushing her back softly. "Bed, we have a bed."

She giggled. "I don't know if I can make it to the bed," her hands reached out to start pulling my sweater over my head.

I removed her hands from my shirt and wrapped them around my neck. "Well then, it's good you don't have to do the walking," I said, as I wrapped my arms around her and picked her up, her legs wrapped around my waist.

"You better not drop me," she giggled again as she started kissing my neck, biting the skin lightly.

"If you keep doing that I will definitely drop you," I said walking towards the stairs.

"Doing what?" she breathed into my ear, taking a nip at my ear before moving back down to my neck, now sucking at the skin right above the neckline of my shirt.

"That, definitely that," I breathed hard, my voice sounding shaky and my knees feeling a little wobbly.

"We could always just have sex right here," she murmured. "Against the wall."

"We could," I nodded, briefly stopping. "But I can't promise lack of injury."

"We could play doctor then right afterwards," she giggled. "No one's home...why be boring and have sex in the bed?"

"Sex with me anywhere is not boring," I told her seriously, as I turned to press her back against the wall.

"Shut up, Dr. Shepherd," she growled as she kissed me hard, her hands gripping my curly hair.

My hands moved from her hips, letting her legs fall to the floor as my fingers traveled to the buttons on the front of her blouse, unbuttoning them one by one, bending over so my lips could follow the path my fingers were travelling. Her skin tasted wonderful, it was so soft under my lips. I loved her skin. Her hands went down to the hem of my shirt, pulling it quickly over my head, her fingers fumbling at the buttons of my white button down the minute the sweater was on the floor. "Derek," she moaned.

"Hmmm..." I moaned, pressing my lips hard against hers, forcing my tongue into her mouth. She tasted like red wine and her. My hands found their way to her pants. quickly undoing the zipper and moving her hips over her pants.

"Derek," she suddenly pulled away.

"Yes?" I asked breathing hard.

"Let go," she pulled away, turning her face away from me.

"What? Why?" I asked, concerned at the sudden change.

"Cologne," she gasped. "You're wearing cologne."

"Oh, Mer, sorry," I said stepping away immediately. "I completely forgot. I can go shower."

She nodded and then ran off towards the restroom, her hand over her mouth. I quickly followed her to hold back her hair in case she emptied her stomach. "Sorry," she whispered.

"Mer, you're pregnant with my child. There is nothing to be sorry for," I said, rubbing her back.

"You have to go shower," she breathed. "Please."

"Right, I'm right on that," I said, quickly slipping out of my pants and throwing on the water and stepping into the shower.

I listened to sounds as she dry heaved, already hating myself for continuing my tradition of putting cologne on every morning. I needed to throw out the bottle, or at least hide it until Mer could handle the smell again. I started to wet my hair, closing my eyes against the running water when I suddenly felt a pair of tiny hands running down my back.

"Mer," I whispered turning arond. "You're feeling better?"

"Much," she breathed as she kissed me deeply, her tongue exploring my mouth.

"Hmmm..." I said, pulling her close against my erection as I kissed her back just as deeply, silently thrilled that she had brushed her teeth. "A shower is new for us."

"And exciting," she whispered, giggling a little as she bit at my lips.

I reached over and grabbed the soap into my hands again, rubbing my hands together, covering them with soap. I put it back and ran my hands over her, cleaning her body, as she moaned with pleasure. "You're so beautiful, Mer."

"You won't think that in a couple months," she sighed as she dipped her head back.

"Yes, I will," I told her, running my hand over her stomach. "I can't wait until you start showing."

"And the swollen ankles?" she asked. "And the stretch marks? All of that will be sexy to you?'

"All of that will be sex to me," I nodded. "It's my baby."

"I love you," she murmured, pouring shampoo into her hands and rubbing it into my hair, gently. As I closed my eyes, I suddenly had the thought that in eight months, Meredith would be rubbing shampoo into our baby's soft, fine, hair, and I couldn't help but smile.

"I love you too." And god it was true, there is nothing in this world that had ever been more true. As she rubbed the shampoo out of my hair I pulled her lips close to mine again.

She deepened the kiss, her soft hands on my chest, pushing me under the water. She found the washcloth and poured some body wash onto it, rubbing the soft cloth over my body, still kissing me.

"Hmmm...:" I murmered, loving the material rubbing against my skin. Something about the face cloth was so fully erotic. Her hand traveled to my erection, stroking up and down gently with the washcloth. "God, Mer."

"Still want the bed," she breathed as she continued to stroke my erection, soon dropping the cloth and using her fingers.

"No," I gasped. "You. Just you." I pulled her close, causing her hand to fall to her side as I kissed her hard.

I pushed her against the wall of the shower and kissed her deeply, massaging her breasts gently, knowing they were extremely sensitive. She moaned in ecstacy and continued kissing me before pulling away, her breathing labored. "How do we do this?" she panted as I coninuted massaging her breasts.

"You've never done this before?" I laughed, running my hands through her wet hair.

"Never," she giggled. "Does that make me a prude?"

"You are definitely not a prude," I said kissing her again and turning her around. I kissed the back of her neck. ""Luckily I have some experience."

"Der," she breathed. "What...God..."

"Hmmm," I moaned, bending her over slightly and slipping inside her. God, she was tight, she fit me perfectly. My hands found her breasts and I gently masaged them. I didn't move, I just stayed in her, stayed where I was. "Mer..."

"Derek," she moaned as I continued massaging her. "Derek, please..."

I started to move slowly behind her, slowly and gently, reveling in the tiny gasps that were escaping her mouth everytime I pushed deeper into her. "Meredith," I breathed, pushing harder into her but holding onto the same slow pace as the water splashed over us.

"Derek," she gasped, her body already tensing. I had heard long ago that pregnant women were more sensitive, and Meredith's moans and gasps were confirming it for me. "Derek, god, please."

I began to rock back and forth faster, moving gently but quickly. My hands moved to her hair and I gently pulled it back, loving the way it caused her to moan my name. I felt her body shake slightly, so I began to move faster, wanting to bring her to the edge.

She moaned as her body tensed, and then released, shaking as an intense orgasm came over her. She whimpered as she climaxed, her breath coming in short, ragged spurts. "Oh God," she gasped.

Her body spasmed around me, causing my pace to pick up, my movements to become more harsh, as I felt my own orgasm coming on. God, she was perfect, everything about her was perfect. I yelled her name as I came, pulling her closer as my body shook.

Her body was still shaking, tensing up again once or twice as her body succumbed to a couple more orgasms. We said nothing as we both came down from the high, the water sliding off our sweaty bodies. I held her close as I caught my breath, still unable to believe how intense our shower sex was.

"That was amazing," I breathed out, my breath still shaky.

"Very," she nodded, her breath still labored. "That was...um..."

"I love you, god I love you," I said, kissing her hard.

"I love you too," she said, kissing me back.

"How do you feel about having a team full of children?" I asked her as we stepped out of the shower. "Because that was amazing, I like pregnant Mer."

She giggled a little as she grabbed a towel and began drying me off. "Let's get through this pregnancy before planning another, okay?" she asked, kissing me lightly.

"If you insist," I laughed, reaching over to dry her off.

"I also insist we spend the entire weekend in bed," she grinned at me. "You don't have to work, do you?"

"Nope, have next two days off," I smiled at her.

"Good," she took my hand and led me to the bedroom. "Then I say we continue in the bedroom."

I smiled as I followed her. This was my Meredith, my Meredith completely totally back. In the last four days since we had discovered the pregnancy she had been a bit better, but still I could see the stress getting to her. But this giggling girl that led me to her bedroom was my Meredith.

_Please tell me what you like if that feels nice,  
Give me a sign,  
If you love it I can do it again  
We've got the rest of our lives to  
Get it right_


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, we never would have let Meredith fall into the ocean. Burke, yes. But Meredith? Meredith would be falling into on call rooms with Derek.**

Two weeks after my talk with Lucas, I was in my office waiting for the doctor to drop Dillon off with me. I scrolled through my e-mail as I waited, a smile on my face. Life was good. Life was perfect. Meredith was now two and a half months pregnant and Dillon was still talking about his new little brother non stop. I had never imagined six months ago that I would be apart of a perfect family.

Dinner with the family this week had been strangely cancelled tonight, but that was okay. We were getting close to the time of telling them all about the baby and I could tell Meredith was getting nervous about it. It was kind of cute seeing nervous Meredith again, she very rarely made an appearance now so now it was just cute. But stress wasn't good for the baby, so nervous Meredith was bad. I tried massages and bubble baths, but Meredith also had the tendency to snap at me when I got too worried about her. She told me she had been pregnant before and had done just fine, so she'd be fine this time too. I couldn't help but be happy that this time, I was with her. This time, she had someone. "Daddy Derek!" Dillon came running into my office, Sam in his arms, Lucas behind him.

"Dillon!" I shouted, standing up and throwing my arms out for a hug.

"Hey, Derek," Lucas smiled from behind Dillon.

"Hey Lucas," I smiled back at him. Things were still strange between us but it was definitely going to work out. "Did you guys have a good weekend?"

"Daddy and I watched movies," Dillon nodded. "And, we got something for my baby brother!"

"You did?" I asked.

"Yeah!" Dillon nodded and then reached into his backpack that was hanging from Lucas's hand, pulling out a shirt that said, "My big brother loves Me". "See!"

I had to blink back tears at the seeing the shirt. I didn't not have to cry in front of Lucas. "It's wonderful, bud."

"It should be good for a girl too," Lucas smiled as he ruffled Dillon's hair.

"Thanks for that," I laughed. Obviously Lucas had been made aware of the situation with him not accepting the concept of a sister.

"Hey, Dill pickle, why don't you color for a few minutes?" Lucas smiled at his son. "Remember, Kimmy wanted a picture from you?"

"Need to talk?" I asked, walking closer to him as Dillon sat down where his pencils sat.

"Actually," he sighed, "this might be a little awkward, but uh, Kimberly was wondering if you and Meredith were free for dinner tonight."

"Really?" I asked, trying to keep the shock out of my mouth. "We are free, actually. My mom usually has us over but she cancelled tonight."

"I know it's last minute," he apologized. "And finding a babysitter might be tough."

"I'm sure we can get Mark or Cristina to watch him," I offered.

He laughed, "Not Cristina by herself. That's dangerous."

I laughed along with him. "She definitely can't be trusted."

"Okay, well, you ask Meredith and give me a call," he said, a little awkwardly. "Unless you, uh, think it's not a good idea."

"No, it sounds good, it does. Awkward but good," I nodded.

"Okay," he nodded and then turned to Dillon. "See you later, Dill pickle. Love you."

"Love you too Daddy!" Dillon shouted, not bothering to look up from what he was doing.

"Give me a call, Derek," he said and then walked out of my office, leaving me alone with Dillon, who was coloring intensely.

"More fish?" I asked him. We still hadn't managed to get him to draw anything else but Lucas had said he'd give it a try so maybe we had gotten something resembling a pink pony or something.

"Yep," he nodded. "And a dolphin. Kimmy said they're not fish. They're mamamles."

"A dolphin is a step in the right direction," I said giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head. "Miss your mom and I?"

"Yeah," he said. "Is my brother here yet?"

I laughed. "Remember bud, what we talked about? You still have to wait another 6 months."

"My brother sure is taking a long time," he sighed. "Doesn't he want to meet me?"

"He or she can not wait to meet you. But right now he or she is still too tiny," I tried to explain making sure to put an emphasis on the she.

"What's he look like?" he asked me, putting his crayon down and crawling into my arms.

"We don't know. But your mommy has a doctor's appointment later this week and maybe we'll get a picture then," I told him.

"Is he smaller than Sam?" he looked up at me.

"Yep, right now it's very tiny. It's in your mommy's belly and we can't even tell. When it gets bigger so will mommy's belly," I explained.

"He needs to get here soon," he insisted. "Really soon. I want to show him his fishy room."

"Dillon, it might be a sister," I reminded him yet again.

"Do you think he'll like his fishy room?" he ignored me.

"I'm sure he or she will love it. And we need to get home. Your mom and I are going out tonight. Want to stop by Uncle Mark's office to see if he wants to hang out with you?" I asked as I walked back over to my desk to grab my jacket.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed and grabbed Sam and his backpack. "Unless he has to share a pickle. Then he can't."

That stopped me in my tracks. "What? What did you just say?"

"Sometimes Uncle Mark has a pickle and he shares it," Dillon explained. "With a girl. He told me."

"He told you about that, did he?" I said as we started to head down the hall hand in hand. "I think I'm going to have to talk to your uncle Mark about what he should and should not say to 6 year olds."

"It's just a pickle, Daddy Derek," Dillon rolled his eyes.

"It's a tiny pickle. Next time your Uncle Mark talks about his pickle make sure to remember to call it tiny," I laughed.

"Okay," he nodded. "Do girls like pickles, Daddy Derek? Should I share a pickle with Becky?"

I was going to kill Mark. I was going to cut off Mark's pickle. "Girls do like pickles but that's not something you have to worry about till your much much older. Right now just share cupcakes with her."

"Okay," he nodded and then smiled as the devil himself came around the corner. "Mr. Mark!"

"Just the man we were looking for," I greeted him.

"Hey, kiddo," Mark grinned. "What's up with my formerly cool friend?"

"Meredith and I are going out for dinner tonight and Dillon was wondering if you want to hang out," I told him, ignoring his comment on the state of my coolness.

"Unless you have to share a tiny pickle with a girl," Dillon chirped from my side.

"Tiny?" Mark asked, actually looking insulted at the comment. "Who said anything about tiny?"

"Daddy Derek," Dillon smiled.

"You tell my son about sharing pickles with girls, I tell him the truth about the size of the pickle," I shrugged.

Mark stared at me and then looked at Dillon. "Hey, kiddo, just so you know, Daddy Derek shares really tiny pickles. Even tinier than mine."

Dillon looked up at the two of us, a completely confused expression on his face. I decided to change the subject. "So are you free tonight or not?"

"Yeah, I'm free tonight," Mark nodded. "Hey, any idea why Mom canceled dinner?"

"No clue, it's unlike her," I responded.

"Maybe Mom has a date," he winked at me.

"Mom? Date? She's never gone on a...no way could she have a date," I argued.

"Derek, your dad's been dead for thirty years," he said, the tone of his voice changing a little. "Would it be so weird if your mom wanted some companionship?"

"She's your mom too," I pointed out. "And yes. Not that I wouldn't be happy for her, but it would be weird. Don't you think it would be weird?"

"Maybe a little," he admitted and then sighed. "Okay, kiddo, what are we gonna do tonight? Cruise for girls?"

"What's cruising for girls mean?" Dillon asked looking up at him.

"It means we're gonna find us some girlfriends," Mark grinned. "Cause Mr. Mark needs a girl to share a pickle with."

"Not when you are watching my son," I ordered him. "And Cristina will be helping, hopefully. If anyone can keep you in line it's Cristina."

"Yang?" Mark grinned. "Now there's a fiesty one."

"She's terrifying. Meredith adores her," I told him.

"You think she'd like a taste of the pickle?" Mark asked as we walked towards the elevator.

"You could offer, but I think she might bite it," I laughed.

"Ouch," Mark winced. "So what time do I need to watch the rugrat?"

"Seven I guess," I answered him.

"Excellent," he nodded and then grinned at Dillon. "See you later, kiddo. You bring Sam and I'll bring the root beer and cards, okay?"

"Okay!" Dillon answered sounding excited at a night with his unofficial uncle.

"See you, Shep," he said. "Hey, how's Meredith doing? And when do I get to tell Mom that I'm going to be an uncle?"

"We're telling the rest of the family in two weeks," I told him. "And she's good, worried about the family telling, but she's good."

"She shouldn't be worried," Mark laughed. "Mom's not scary. Just...clucky."

"It's not that...it's just...Meredith's complicated. Beautifuly complicated. Telling makes it real, she's not ready for that yet," I explained.

"And this is why I just share my pickle," Mark nodded and then looked down as his pager went off. "All right, I'll see you at seven."

"Bye," I told him and then turned to Dillon. "Ready to go home, bud?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I gotta put my brother's new picture up in his room."

I rolled my eyes and didn't even bother correcting him. There was no way he would ever think differently. I had a feeling we could hand him a perfect little girl dressed all in pink and he'd still be wondering where his brother was. "Let's go."

We drove to the house, Dillon talking a mile a minute about everything he had done with Lucas and Kimmy through out the weekend, and I listened with a half smile on my face. Dillon seemed to like his two families, and he didn't seem to be very dark and twisty. Dillon was, all in all, a pretty well adjusted kid. It always surprised me how happy he was, how normal he was. Meredith had grown up without parents, she had no way of knowing how to be a good parent. And yet she had done an amazing job with Dillon, she was an amazing mother. With her it had come naturally, completely naturally. And it made me hope, hope that I would do just as well with my life as a dad.

When we got home, Dillon jumped out of his car and ran towards the front door. "Mommy! Mommy!"

"Hey Dillon!" Meredith exclaimed wrapping her arms around him. "Have a good weekend?"

"Yeah!" he nodded. "Did you miss me and Sam?"

"Of course I did. The house is really quiet without you two," she told him, ruffling his hair in the habit she had picked up from me.

"Did my brother miss me and Sam?" he asked.

"Dillon, you know it might not be a brother," Meredith told him gently.

"But did he miss me?" Dillon pushed, choosing to ignore yet another reminder that he could get a little sister.

"Yes," Meredith said rolling her eyes and giving me a quick kiss.

"Mommy, Mr. Mark is coming tonight and we're gonna cruise for girls," Dillon smiled at her as he went inside the house.

"We now have dinner plans," I answered her confused look. "So Mark's going to babysit. With no girl cruising, I was thinking Cristina could come over to help Mark out."

"Dinner plans?" Meredith asked as she grabbed Dillon's backpack. "I thought your mom canceled tonight?"

"She did. Kimberly and Lucas invited us out," I explained.

"Kimberly and Lucas?" Meredith stared at me. "As in my ex boyfriend and his fiancee?"

"Those would be them," I nodded.

"But...why?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"Fine," she sighed. "You go shower and I'll call Cristina and get ready."

"Are you okay?" I asked her, gently rubbing her cheek.

"I'm fine," she nodded. "Just...tired. And, well...no, I'm fine."

"Mer, what is it?" I asked, holding her close to me.

"Nothing," she insisted. "Seriously. I'm fine. Go get in the shower. You smell like hospital."

"Fine, I'll shower. But if you decide you want to talk, you know where I am," I told her, starting to walk away.

"I'm fine, Derek," she said again.

I gave her one last concerned look. "Love you," I said.

"You too," she said as she got out her cell phone. "Now go. Shower. Now. And no cologne."

"Bossy," I jokingly complained as I headed towards the stairs.

"You like it," she laughed after me.

"Oh I do," I agreed laughing.

"Shower!" she laughed, as she dialed Cristina's number.

I bounded up the stairs trying not to worry about her. Something was obviously bugging her and it was obviously something she had no desire to talk about. It was probably just the idea of supper with Lucas and his fiancee, but still I worried. She was the love of my life, and she carrying my first child. And she would carry my second. And my third. I had a right to worry about her.

I took a quick shower and then went into our bedroom where Meredith was now standing in her bra and underpants, throwing clothes all over the place. She held a black dress up to her and then threw it aside, mumbling under her breath as she rejected the offending article of clothing. As I watched her, I tried very hard to ignore the fact that she was in her underwear and focused on her nervousness. "Meredith, hun, what's wrong?" I asked her as she threw another dress to the side.

"What's wrong?" she turned to me and put her hands on her now fuller hips. "Seriously? Seriously. What's wrong? What's wrong is that you got me pregnant and I'm getting fat and you agreed to go out to dinner with my ex and his probably gorgeous and thin fiancee. That's what's wrong, Derek."

"You're not fat," I frowned, looking at her still perfect body.

"I am," she sighed, throwing yet another dress to the side. "And my bras don't fit anymore, Derek. They don't fit."

"I like the bigger breasts," I frowned again, walking up to her and resting my hands on her shoulders to hold her still. "Meredith Grey, you look absolutely beautiful. Not only are you not fat, but you are just as beautiful as the day I met you. Actually more beautiful. You have that pregnant glow, it's breathtaking."

"Pregnant women don't glow," she rolled her eyes. "We vomit and we're tired and we have swollen ankles and we get fat. We don't glow. Beautiful big boobed blondes named Kimberly? They glow."

"You," I kissed her. "Are absolutely glowing. And Kimberly has nothing on you, nothing."

"You haven't seen her," she mumbled.

"But I've seen you, and no one compares," I smiled at her.

"I have nothing to wear," she whimpered as she fell against my chest.

"Go naked. I definitely vote you go naked," I laughed, holding her close to me.

"You're not helping," she giggled a little.

"I made you giggle, so I have to disagree. Wear whatever Mer, you look gorgeous in everything," I shrugged.

"You're such a guy," she rolled her eyes.

"You love it," I laughed, walking over to my side of the closet to pull out some nice pants and a shirt.

She stared at the pile of clothes on her bed and finally chose a black dress that fit perfectly on her curves. She looked absolutely beautiful, and she was definitely glowing, even if she didn't believe me. She put on a pair of heels and then stared at herself in the mirror, a frown on her face. "I swear, if Kimberly is gorgeous and thin, you're sleeping on the couch."

I walked behind her, now dressed for the evening and wrapped my arms around her. "You've never looked more beautiful."

She turned around and kissed me, her tongue slipping into my mouth, her fingers tangling themselves in my hair. "Hmmm," she moaned a little.

"Hmm.." I pushed her back. "None of that right now."

"Why not?" she giggled as she took another step towards me, reaching for the buttons on my shirt.

I grabbed her hands in my own and lowered them to our sides. "Because we have to go meet your ex-boyfriend and his drop dead gorgeous, very thin fiancee."

"Are you mad at me or something?" she said as she turned around, grabbing her purse.

I laughed and pulled her close, giving her a quick kiss. "No, just pointing out the facts."

"Mommy! Mommy!" Dillon came running into the room. "Mr. Mark and Aunt Cris are here!"

"Good," Meredith nodded, giving me a slightly dirty look. "I guess that means we can go."

"Daddy Derek?" Dillon took my hand and started dragging me down the stairs.

"Yeah, bud?" I asked following him.

"What does manwhore mean?" he asked.

"Where did you hear that term?" I asked him, wondering which best friend needed to be killed.

"Aunt Cris said it to Mr. Mark," Dillon replied.

"It means that Mark shares his pickle with a lot of girls. It's not a good thing," I told him seriously and then turned to look at Meredith who was behind us. "We need new friends."

"I know," she laughed. "Okay, Dill, be good. And remember, eat a real dinner. Not cookies and ice cream. And be in bed by eight thirty."

"Yes Mom," Mark came into the room.

"Seriously, Mark," Meredith glared at him, "Cristina won't do it. But he needs to eat a real dinner. Can you cook?"

"I can call people that can cook," Mark shrugged, giving her the smile that usually led to women jumping into bed with him. Meredith was immune thankfully.

"At least tell me you can make macaroni and cheese," she said.

"I think I can manage that," Mark nodded.

"Good," she nodded and then kissed Dillon the forehead. "Be good, Dill."

Dillon nodded quickly as I leaned forward to give him a quick kiss and a hug goodbye. "Do everything in your power to drive Mark crazy," I whispered in his ear.

"I will," he giggled. "Sam and I are gonna beat him at poker."

"You know how to play poker?" I looked at him confused.

"Aunt Cris taught me," he nodded.

"Mer, I know they say it takes a village to raise a child. But I think we need a new village," I told her, my tone dead serious.

"Don't insult the village, McDreamy," Cristina said as she came into the room. "And what's up with the manwhore babysitting? Doesn't he have a nurse to be doing?"

"Cristina, little ears," Meredith warned her.

"Hey, Dillon, earmuffs," Mark grinned at Dillon as the little boy put his hands over his ears and then winked at Cristina. "Works everytime."

"Maybe we do need a new village," Meredith smiled at me.

"Will you guys go already?" Cristina rolled her eyes. "And go have your crazy dinner with your ex boyfriend and his bimbo? And if you get the chance, poison his food. Jackass stole a surgery from me."

I laughed and grabbed Meredith's hand, leading her out of the house. "Later, guys."

We drove to the restaurant in silence, Meredith's hand nestled in mine. I gave it a sqeeze from time to time to calm her down. She was obviously nervous and tense and I was worried, again. "I can't believe you said yes," she sighed as we were parking the car.

"Meredith, what choice did I have? He's your son's father, and yes this is going to be awkward but we need to get through this. Dillon needs us to do this," I said squeezing her hand.

"Fine," she said, getting out of the car. "I just wish we could have done this when I wasn't pregnant."

"You don't need alcohol," I laughed.

"I do," she nodded. "Tequila. And lots of it."

"No tequila for a very long time," I gently reminded her.

"I know, I know," she said, taking my hand as we walked towards the restaurant. "I'm just saying, it's going to be very difficult to get through this without tequila."

"You have me. I'm better than tequila," I told her.

"Tequila doesn't accept dinner dates with my ex and his fiancee," Meredith shot back.

"Tequila also doesn't give you screaming orgasms," I pointed out.

"Meredith? Derek?" a brown haired woman standing next to Lucas smiled at us as we walked in.

"You must be Kimberly!" I greeted extending my hand, not quite trusting Meredith to be polite.

She nodded and took my hand, shaking it confidentally. She was beautiful and thin, but she was also not a blond bimbo. She was dressed conservatively in a teal dress and wasn't wearing a lot of make up at all. "It's great to finally meet the famous Daddy Derek," she smiled. "Dill talks about you all the time. He adores you."

"We've heard all about you too," I told her while silently nudging Meredith with my foot for her to speak up.

"Hi," Meredith said, reaching out her hand. "I'm Meredith. Dillon's mom."

"Nice to finally meet you," Kimberly said. "And I'm sorry for all the headaches Lucas here has caused. I kept telling him just to talk to you and Derek, figure things out. But you know men never listen."

Meredith stared at her for a second and then looked at me before looking back at Kimberly. "Yeah, I know," she finally managed. "They just don't listen. Ever."

"So we should go sit," I said, clapping my hands together and taking Meredith's small arm in my own.

"Definitely," Kimberly smiled. "Oh, and Meredith, congratulations on the baby. Dillon was talking all weekend about his baby brother. I tried to tell him it might be a girl, but all he could talk about was his baby brother. He's so excited."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled. "He's ecstatic, and completely unwilling to listen to anything other than it being a boy. It's the men don't listen thing again."

Kimberly laughed. "They start young, don't they?" she sat down in the seat that Lucas was pulling out for her. "But he's such a great kid. You did a great job with him."

"Thank you. Lucas was a big help," Meredith smiled at her ex.

"You know," Lucas said from his own chair, "Kimberly and I were wondering if Dillon would be the ring bearer at our wedding."

"I'm sure he'd be thrilled to be," I answered.

"Sam too, of course," Kimberly laughed. "That little bear is every bit a part of our family as Dill is."

"If you didn't include Sam I'm pretty sure Dillon would refuse," Meredith laughed, squeezing my hand under the table. I was glad to see she had relaxed.

"I still say he's getting too old," Lucas sighed but quieted himself with a look from Kimberly.

"He'll outgrow it soon enough. My nephew Sullivan had the same attachment to his bear, he's nearly 8 now, and he's starting to separate himself slowly," I reassured Lucas.

"I think it's adorable," Kimberly said as she opened her menu. "The way he treats him like it's his brother. Absolutely adorable. I'm sure when the baby is born he'll tear himself away from Sam to spend time with his little brother."

"If it's a boy, if it's a girl I think we might have a nightmare on our hands," I laughed.

"I'm sure he'll be happy with a sister," Kimberly grinned. "It will take some getting used to. But I believe if we continue to show him he's loved, then he'll adapt easily. He's a smart kid."

"I hope so," Meredith nodded. "He's so excited to have a little brother, I don't want him to be disappointed."

"How are you feeling?" Kimberly asked. "My sister just had a baby and she was sick the first three months. Couldn't stand it when her husband wore cologne. That's why I told Lucas he had to stay away from it tonight."

"Oh thank god, Derek's cologne is getting me everytime. Besides that I'm not as bad as I thought. It's easier than it was with Dillon," Meredith told her,

"I've heard the second is easier," Kimberly nodded sympathetically. "Of course, I can't wait to have kids. I'm so fortunate to have gotten practice with Dillon. I'll admit, at first, I didn't know what to expect. But he's an angel. I can only pray that my own kids will be so wonderful."

"They'll have good parents," Meredith said smiling at the two of them. I was so proud of her right now. She had been so nervous about coming and yet everything was going smoothly. She was giving Kimberly a chance.

Lucas grinned at me, a completely changed man around Kimberly. "Are you feeling like a third wheel?" he joked to me.

"I must say I am," I laughed to him.

"We should talk about something manly," he nodded. "Surgeries. Racing. Football."

"Do you have time for any racing or football with surgeries? Because I sure don't," I shook my head sadly.

"I wish," he sighed. "Though, I did have a patient come in who needed a humpty dumpty surgery Thursday. That was one hell of a surgery."

"That is. Is that the case you stole from Yang? She was complaining, something about wanting us to poison your food." I told him.

"I didn't steal it," Lucas rolled his eyes. "Yang was operating on an aortic aneurysm. She can't be in two places at once."

"I'm sure in her mind she can be," I told him, actually believing what I had just said.

"Probably," he laughed. "Yang has one hell of a God complex. That I'm afraid she's passing onto my son."

"You've noticed it to?" I asked him.

"Yang has been brainwashing him since the second he was born," Lucas replied. "I remember he told me when he was three that surgery was hardcore."

"That's what I figured. I need to find a way to keep the next one away from Yang. And Sloan," I half joked. We ordered our food and had friendly chit chat for a while longer, Kimberly and Meredith talking like old friends, Lucas and I talking about the hospital. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be, and I actually found myself having a good time. But halfway through dinner, Meredith quieted a bit, and she wasn't eating as much. "Mer, you okay?" I asked, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

She looked at me, her skin a little pale and nodded. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," I told her. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?"

"It's just...the food," she sighed. "I don't want to ruin dinner."

"You're not ruining anything. Do you need to go home?" I said, brushing some hair out of her face.

She grimaced a little and nodded. "I really don't want to ruin dinner," she said again. "It's just..."

"No problem," I whispered squeezing her hand slightly before pulling away. "Guys, we hate to leave early, but Mer's a little tired so I'm going to get her home."

"Oh," Kimberly nodded, "it's completely okay. Really. I'm sure Italian is just a little heavy for the baby." She stood up and hugged Meredith. "It really was nice meeting you. You should call me. I'll decorate the baby's nursery, entirely for free."

"That would be nice," Meredith smiled. "Thank you so much for inviting us. It was nice, it really was."

"It was great meeting you, Derek," she smiled, giving me a hug as well. "Give Dill a kiss good night for me when you get home."

"I will, wonderful meeting you too," I said as I pulled away and offered my hand to Lucas. "See you at work tomorrow."

"Definitely," he nodded, shaking my hand before turning to Meredith. "Mer, I'm sorry about everything. Let's try this again, okay? The friends thing we talked about after Dill pickle was born."

"I'd like that Lucas. We'd like that," she said, grabbing my hand again.

"Have a good night," Lucas nodded. "And, Derek?"

"Yes?" I asked him.

"Take care of her," he lowered his voice. "I didn't last time."

"I will," I told him, nodding my head.

"Great," he nodded. "All right, good night. I'll call Dill pickle tomorrow."

"We'll let him know," Meredith smiled.

We walked out into the night air, my arm around Meredith's waist as we walked to the car. Her face was still pale and she stopped for a minute, taking a deep breath, in and out. I rubbed her back soothingly, wishing I could do more for her. "You okay, Mer?" I asked her soothingly.

"Just nauseous," she replied carefully. "I'll be fine."

"Okay," I said, pulling her close as we headed towards the car.

"That wasn't as bad as it could have been," she said. "And Kimberly is, well, she's great."

"She is. It was a nice night," I nodded.

"I'm sorry I ruined it," she sighed, getting into the car.

"You didn't ruin it, Mer," I reassured her again.

"Okay," she murmured as she rested her head against the headrest. "You know, somewhere down the line, you have to be flawed. You have to be dark and twisty. You're too perfect for your own good."

"I'm not perfect, Mer. There's plenty of exes that would be happy to list my flaws. It's just with you...we fit. My flaws work with you," I sighed.

She opened her eyes and stared at me, a smile on her face. "That was a little cheesy, Dr. Shepherd," she giggled.

"You love it when I'm cheesy," I smiled at her.

"I do," she nodded and then closed her eyes again. "Hey, Der?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Remember when you asked me to marry you?" she said softly.

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling my heart beat triple.

"We could, you know," she said. "We could get married. If you want. If it's still on the table."

How I managed to not crash the car I don't think I will ever know. "You...you want to get married?"

She nodded. "We're going to have a baby in seven and a half months. We both know it's going to happen. So, yeah. I think so."

"Okay. Okay," I nodded. "But we're doing this right. I'm picking out the ring by myself, getting down on one knee. I'm doing it right."

"Such a romantic," she giggled and then stopped. "Der, pull over."

"What?"

"Your baby," she said. "Just pull over so I don't vomit in your car."

I pulled over quickly, letting her out and getting out myself to rub her back as she heaved into the bushes. It was weird. As I held back her hair and rubbed her back, the only emotion coursing through my veins was extreme happiness. We were getting married, Meredith and I were getting married. She was pregnant with my baby. We were finally getting along with the parents of her first child. And we were getting married. Everything was perfect. Life was perfect.

_"Now my world is filled with a whisper of love and a promise of tomorrow…"_


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy today would be Grey's Day, not Grey's Eve. Because we're officially impatient.**

Meredith's hand squeezed mine tightly, almost too tightly as we pulled up to the building. I pulled up to this building almost every day, and never had it looked more threatening than it did right now. I don't even know I was scared, it was Meredith's first appointement. There was nothing major in that. And she'd be seeing Addison, who was by far one of the best. This should be easy. When we had told Dillon that we were going to the doctor that morning, he told us to ask the doctor to tell his brother to come earlier. Meredith had been too nervous to remind our son that she could be having a girl, and I was too nervous to remind him about the timeline of his sibling being born. I got out of the car quietly, opening the door for Meredith as she grasped my hand, fear in her eyes.

"It's going to be fine," I tried to reassure her. But it didn't sound convincing, it didn't feel convining. It was hard telling someone not to worry when you were terrified.

"What if something's wrong?" she sighed. "I mean, I had the flu for three days, what if that messed something up?"

"I'm sure the flu wouldn't have hurt anything. Nothing will be wrong," I told her, wrapping my arm around her as we headed towards the hospital.

"And this Dr. Montgomery, is she good?" Meredith stammered. "I mean, obviously she's good but is she good?"

"She's one of the best in the country. And she's a friend. You'll like her," I whispered soothingly.

"A friend?" she turned to stare at me. "What kind of friend?"

"The friend kind, Mer," I shrugged. Meredith kept staring at me, her eyes more fearful than before. "We dated a few years ago, casually. It was casual and definitely not serious."

"You dated her?" she asked, tears entering her eyes. "You're taking me to your ex girlfriend?"

"She's not an exgirlfriend," I told her, quickly shaking my head, knowing I should have told her about this earlier. "We went on a couple of dates, nothing more happened."

"Why didn't it work out?" she asked. "And are you sure it was nothing? Because this could be awkward for her, Derek. And me. And awkward. Awkward sucks."

"It was nothing. And I don't know why it didn't work, it just didn't. It was fun but there just wasn't anything there. It didn't fit," I told her with a wink, hoping to god that it would make her smile.

"Is she gorgeous and thin?" Meredith whimpered. She was starting to gain weight and this was definitely going to be a continued fear through out the pregnancy.

"Mer, that really doesn't matter. I love you. I think you are by far the most gorgeous woman alive, pregnant or not. It doesn't matter what she looks like," I answered, hoping she'd let it go at that.

"So she is gorgeous," she stated as we stepped into the elevator.

I nodded my head. There was no use denying the fact. If I lied Meredith would just get angry when she say Addison, because Addie was gorgeous. Just not my type. "Mer, there's no need to worry about this."

"I can't believe you're taking me to your gorgeous ex girlfriend," she muttered.

"Meredith, she's the best ob/gyn in Seattle. I want the best for my child and my future wife," I said, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

"Still your ex," she stated.

"Your ex and I are making plans to go to a hockey game in Vancouver sometime," I pointed out. "I think you can withstand my ex taking care of our baby."

"Fine," she said. "Let's go."

I grabbed her hand and headed towards Addison's office. This was going to be fine. Everything would be good. Addison and I had been over for years, there'd be no awkwardness. Things would be fine. And the baby would be fine and Meredith would be fine. Everything was going to be good.

"Derek!" Addison smiled at me when we walked in, giving me a tight hug. "How are you?"

"I'm great, Addie," I said hugging her back. "And this is Meredith, my kind of fiancee." I smiled at Meredith encouragingly.

"Kind of fiancee?" Addie laughed. "It's great to meet you, Meredith. I've heard a lot about you."

"Nice...nice to meet you too," Meredith said sounding a little shy. "And we, we decided to get married. But Derek wants to get a ring and do the knee thing and whatever. So kind of fiancee."

"Congratulations!" Addie grinned at me. "I can't believe it, Derek Shepherd actually getting married. Hearts will break, Der."

Meredith face scrunched slightly at the use of the shortened version of my name. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have Addie be the doctor, but she was good. She was the best. "Yeah, they will. But it's time. Mer's it for me."

"I'm really happy to hear that," Addison nodded and then turned, becoming professional. "Please, sit down. Meredith, how far along are you?"

"About two and a half months," Meredith tried, smiling for the first time since we had entered the office.

"Any bleeding, cramping?" Addison was making up a chart for my fiancee, writing quickly and easily.

"No, it's been fine. Fine is good, right?" Meredith asked looking nervous.

"Fine is very good," Addison nodded reassuringly. "Have you been pregnant before?"

"Yeah," I answered for her as she bit her lip looking slightly ashamed. I ran my hands through her hair, trying my best to comfort her. "She has a son named Dillon, who's six."

"How is he handling the news?" Addison dropped the professional veneer for a moment, a smile creeping onto her lips.

"He's thrilled. Although he refuses to think it's anything but a boy. Derek and I have tried to tell him, but he won't listen. And he's going to be so upset if it's a girl. But he just won't listen. Which I know is bad, he should listen," Meredith rambled. She was adorable when she was nervous.

Addison laughed a little and then put her pen down. "Meredith, you don't need to be nervous," she said softly. "This isn't at all awkward for me. I'm happy to see Derek happy. This is what he's always wanted, a family. And you seem perfect for him. So there's no reason to feel awkward, okay?"

"Okay," Meredith said quickly. "And I'm not, I mean, it's not big deal that you used to date him. I'm good."

Addison smiled at me and then nodded. "Okay, then. We're going to do a complete medical work up, blood test, urine test, pap smear, everything. And then we'll do an ultrasound to see how baby Shepherd is doing."

"Okay," Meredith said, looking at me as I nodded encouragingly at her.

"So let's get you in a gown and in a room," Addison stood. "And Derek can stay with you the entire time."

Meredith grabbed my hand and looked at me desperatly, as if she almost expected me to run off to perform some emergency craniotomy. Lucas and I might be on our way to being friends, but I could briefly hate him for making Meredith do this alone the first time. "It's fine, I'm not going anywhere." I said squeezing her hand.

"I'm scared," she murmured as we followed Addie towards a room.

"I know," I whispered back. "It's going to be fine. I'm here."

"What if something's wrong?" she whimpered. "Something could be wrong."

"Everything will be fine. And I'm here, even if something is wrong, I'm here," I reassured her squeezing her hand.

We went into the room where Addison drew blood, had Meredith pee in a cup, and then changed her into a gown, and getting her into the stirrups. Meredith was practically shaking by now, her hand gripping mine so tightly I could feel the circulation being cut off. "Okay, Meredith," Addison smiled after an exam. "Everything looks good. How about an ultrasound?"

Meredith didn't answer, she just looked at me, her eyes deep and pleading. "An ultrasound sounds good," I answered for her.

"We'll be able to see the baby," Addison told us. "Though he or she is nothing more than a peanut right now. But you'll be able to see the heart beating."

I smiled at Meredith. We were going to see our baby, we were going to hear our baby. I was happy to see her smiling back as she squeezed my hand. "Okay," she told Addie.

Addie smeared a cold gel on Meredith's belly and then turned on the ultrasound machine, moving the device around before finally settling on a spot. I had seen this done before. I had done it before myself during my internship. I had always considered it to be a part of my job, but as my baby came onto the screen, I felt a rush of emotion and I squeezed Meredith's hand, struggling to keep back tears.

"Wow," Meredith breathed, looking at the image of our child on the screen. She didn't bother to keep the tears back.

"There's the baby," Addison smiled at me. "There's the heart beating, right here." She pointed at my child's small heart beating. "Would you like to hear it?"

"Yes," I answered quickly, squeezing Meredith's hand hard.

With a flip of a switch, a soft whoosing sound filled the room and Meredith took a deep breath, turning to stare at me. "Der," she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

"That's our baby," I whispered, letting my own tears fall, as I moved to rest my forhead against here. "Our baby, Mer."

"Everything looks great," Addie smiled at us as she looked at the ultrasound. "Development looks good, right on track. I don't want to make any promises, but I'd say it's safe to tell people."

"That means it's time to tell my family," I nodded at Mer, wipping some tears of her cheeks.

"Yeah," she nodded, grabbing my face and kissing me.

"I love you," I whispered, pulling back slightly.

"I love you too," she whispered back before turning to Addison. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Addison laughed. "This is how expecting parents usually act. Would you like a few minutes alone?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Please?"

"Of course," Addison said, giving me a smile and leaving the room, as I shifted onto the bed, pulling Meredith into my arms.

"That's our baby," she whimpered as we stared at the picture on the screen together.

"It's our baby," I whispered, blinking back another onslaught of tears. "God, Mer. We're having a baby."

"Yeah, yeah we are," she laughed through her tears. "He looks good, doesn't he?"

"He? Dillon's gotten to you, hasn't he?" I laughed, shaking my head.

"She," she laughed. "Or he. It looks good, right?"

"She or he looks amazing," I agreed, lightly kissing Meredith's forehead. "Addie's going to have to print off a copy for Dill."

"I wish we could tell," she smiled. "If we were having a boy or a girl. You'll want to find out, right?"

"I think we should," I nodded. "So we can prepare Dillon for whatever it is."

She nuzzled her forehead against mine and then turned to look at the picture. "Derek, you did an OB rotation, didn't you?"

"Yeah. It was hell. Why?" I asked her.

"Just," she sighed and I noticed she was tensing up, "you look. You look at the ultrasound and tell me everything is fine."

"Mer, Addie said everything was good. And she's much better at this than I am," I said, trying to calm her.

"Derek, please," she pleaded. "Please. She might try to sugarcoat. Please, Der."

"Okay," I reluncted getting up off the bed and going to look closer at the screen. I knew I wouldn't find anything that Addison had missed, I knew she wouldn't sugar coat anything but I looked anway. Because I'd do anything to make Meredith feel better. And I didn't mind taking a closer look at my child. "Everything looks good, Mer."

"Yeah?" she whispered, tears coming to her eyes again.

"Yeah," I told her, walking back over to where she sat. "You are growing a beautiful healthy baby."

There was a soft knock at the door and Addison walked in, a smile on her face. "Everything all right?" she asked, noticing our tear stained faces.

"Everything is great," I answered her, while smiling at Meredith. She looked beautiful in her hospital gown, glowing and perfect.

"Good," Addison nodded. "Meredith, I'm going to give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. You are losing a little bit of weight, so make sure you eat and call me if the vomiting becomes a concern."

"Okay," Meredith said, some fear creeping back into her voice.

"I also noticed your blood pressure was a little high," Addison stated. "It's nothing to be concerned about. Just make sure you cut any unnecessary stress out of your life. And rest. I know it's hard with a six year old, but you really need to make sure you're getting enough sleep."

"I'll watch out for her," I told Addison, thankful that the Lucas stress had finally come to an end. That would help.

"I know you will," Addison smiled at me. "And don't hesitate to call me with any questions. Just so you know, this pregnancy will be a little different from the first. You'll start showing a little earlier, the morning sickness won't last as long or be as bad."

"Thank god for that," Meredith laughed, leaning against me slightly.

"All right," Addison made some final notes in Meredith's chart and then smiled. "I'll see you in a month, Meredith. It was wonderful meeting you."

"You too," Meredith said, her voice sounding a lot more convincing than it had at the beginning of the appointment.

Meredith got up to get changed back into her clothes and Addison smiled at me. "Well, Derek, you're finally settling down."

"I am," I smiled. I knew it was the smile that Mark had dubbed the happy idiot smile. "And it's wonderful."

Addison watched as Meredith went into the bathroom and then sighed, "I am happy for you."

"Thanks Addie," I smiled at her again. "And everything is fine? Mer's worried and she's got me worrying. Everything is good? Anything I should be concerned about?"

"I'm a little concerned with her blood pressure," Addison admitted. "I'd watch her closely. She seems nervous and tense."

I laughed slightly at that, a worried laugh. "That's my Meredith. She's had a rough life, nothing has ever come easy to her and now, now that she has me and things are coming together, it scares her."

"Well, just make sure she relaxes," Addison nodded. "Otherwise, really, everything is fine, perfect actually. Make sure she's eating."

"I can do that," I nodded. "Thanks, Addie. For everything."

"No problem," she hugged me. "I'll see you in a month."

"We'll be here," I told her.

Addison nodded and left the room just as Meredith came out of the bathroom, a smile on her face. "My pants are getting tighter," she told me.

"Are they? I thought I noticed the beginnings of a bump," I said, smiling as I took her into my arms again.

"Just a little," she whispered as she nuzzled her head into my shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered back. "Want to get out of here?"

"Definitely," she nodded. "And you know, Dillon is at school..."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Your pregnancy hormones are going to kill me."

"Come on, old man," she grabbed my hand and started to lead me out of the room before turning to look at me. "Though, I've heard interesting stories about on call rooms..."

"We are not having sex in an on call room. We have a house. And it's my day off," I whined.

"It would be an adventure," she giggled before kissing me deeply.

I laughed and grabbed her hand, dragging her along with me to a close by on call room. "Just wait until we become an old boring married couple."

"Us?" she laughed as her hands already found the hem of my shirt. "We had sex on a ferris wheel."

"And we all know how that ended it up," I laughed, brushing my hands across her belly.

She giggled breathlessly as she locked the door and pushed me against a wall. "We'll never be boring," she murmured as she kissed me again. "I need you."

"Hmmm..." I murmered kissing her hard. Maybe she was right, having sex in the on call room was hot. And I hadn't partaken in years. And with Meredith everything seemed a little hotter.

_Now I think I'll get through the end of the world._


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Katie wouldn't have to worry about missing Grey's tonight because of a family dinner because she would know what was going to happen. She would have known what was going to happen for months. Alas we don't own it but Happy Grey's Day!**

I woke up next to Meredith on a rainy Sunday morning two weeks after her doctor's appointment and after a wonderful Saturday night spent with Dillon and Sam, talking about the baby. Dillon had taken the ultrasound picture and put it on his bedside table, talking animatedly to it almost every night and morning. It was adorable and as I woke up next to the love of my life, I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

And finally Meredith had decided it was time to tell my family, so now everything would be complete. Because this amazing happiness that had me constantly smiling would be shared with the rest of the people I loved most. And it would be great. Meredith was terrified, but it wasn't her usual terrified, she was even feeling the happiness. I loved this, this was what I had always dreamed of.

I moved over to cuddle her, putting my hand gently on her stomach, where there was the tiniest of bumps. Meredith insisted her stomach was still flat, but as I ran my hand down her body, I could feel the way it curved, even just a little bit. I pulled her closer to me, feeling an immense amount of pride, joy, and love and kissed her softly.

"I'm happy," I sighed, well happily.

"You're waking me up," she giggled slightly as she cuddled further into my arms.

"I want you awake," I said pressing a soft kiss on her shoulder.

"I thought you wanted me to sleep," she said, reminding me of the conversation we'd had the night before. I had insisted she needed to sleep, not stay up all night and have sex.

"I want you to sleep at night. But it's morning now," I told her, kissing her neck.

She turned around in my arms and we laid there, face to face, small smiles on both of our faces. "You're so demanding," she giggled.

"You love the demanding," I laughed.

She kissed me very softly and then pulled away, her smile replaced by a worried frown. "Derek," she murmured, "will your mom be angry?"

"What? Why would my mom be angry?" I asked, confusion marring my features.

"Because we're not married," she sighed. "We're not married and we're having a baby."

"My mom is going to be thrilled," I smiled at her. "She's going to be on cloud fifty. Every year since I turned 25 she has asked me if I'm going to give her grand children ever, so she will be thrilled."

"Maybe we shouldn't tell her yet," she whispered. "Maybe we should wait another month or two. Until I'm showing, maybe."

"Mer, hun, you're already showing a little. We see my mom once a week. We can't keep it hidden," I rubbed my hand over her stomach.

"I'm not showing," she hit my arm lightly. "Not yet."

"There's a bit of a bump," I smiled at her.

"There is not!" she insisted. "Is there?"

"Yep. It's tiny but it's there," I said, rolling her onto her back and giving her belly a quick kiss.

She giggled and ran her fingers through my hair. "I doubt your mom will be able to tell for another month or so," she said.

"My mother is a very frightening person," I said seriously.

"Derek, I can't even see my bump and the only reason you can see it is because you sleep with me," she stated. "There's no way she'll know."

"Meredith, I'm telling you the woman is scary. When Leah had her last one my mom told her she was pregnant. Told her before Leah even knew," I said.

Meredith stared at me, her eyes wide. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," I nodded.

"Then I guess we'll have to tell her," Meredith sighed. "She hasn't canceled again this week, has she?"

"Nope, you're stuck," I laughed, kissing her again.

"Mark thinks she's dating someone," she said, looking me in the eye. "Would you be okay with that?"

"I don't know," I said, rolling around. "It would be weird, wouldn't it?"

"I guess," she shrugged. "Has she been single since your dad died?"

"Yeah, she's always just been mom, she doesn't date," I pouted slightly.

She ran her fingers through my hair and smiled, leaning forward but suddenly pulled back as our bedroom door burst open and Dillon came running in, Sam in his arms. "Morning!" he shouted as he jumped on the bed.

"Morning, bud," I greeted him, pulling him down between Meredith and I.

"Sam wants pancakes," he grinned at me.

"Of course he does," Meredith giggled.

"Does my brother want pancakes too?" he asked Meredith.

"Your brother or sister could use some," Meredith said smiling at her son.

"Daddy Derek, my brother wants pancakes," he grinned at me, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"You will get your pancakes," I laughed, hugging him close.

"What are we doing today?" he asked, yawning slightly.

"We're going to Grandma's for supper. It's time to tell her about your little sister," I told him. That was my new plan, every time I mentioned the baby it was a girl. I was hoping it would lead to him accepting the idea.

"Brother," he corrected me with a stern look.

"Sister," I said, meeting his look with one of my own.

"Brother," he said again.

"Sister," I said. Dillon did not have me beat. Mark and I had been having these fights since I was Dillon's age. I was king of word fights.

"Brother," he stared at me.

"Sister," I stared back.

"Brother. Brother. Brother," he sang.

"Sister. Sister. Sister," I sang back.

"Okay, okay," Meredith laughed. "I didn't realize I was raising two six year olds."

"I would have won," I laughed back. "You didn't have to interrupt."

"He's six, Derek," she sighed, giving me one hell of a stern look.

"He can take it. Can't you, bud?" I asked him, ruffling his hair.

"I'll win when Mommy's not here," he grinned at me. "Daddy Derek, did you know my daddy's getting married and I'm going to be a bear?"

For a second I had no reply. Dillon was by far the most precious child I had ever come across, and just when I thought he couldn't leave me speechless again, he did. "I'm sure you will be great," I tried not to laugh.

I smiled at Meredith over Dillon and noticed that she was looking a little pale, which meant she was feeling nauseous. I gave her a sympathetic smile just as Dillon jumped up with Sam in his arms. "Can I have my pancakes now?" he laughed, jumping a little bit.

"Bud, stop jumping," I said, getting out of bed and hoping he would follow me.

"Why?" he said. "It's fun." It was going to be one of his why days.

"Your mommy isn't feel very well right now. Remember when we talked about the baby making her sick?" I said, grabbing him off the bed and into my arms.

"Daddy Derek!" he squealed and then wrapped his arms around my neck. "Tell my brother to stop making Mommy sick."

"I wish I could," I told him, looking over at Mer who still looked pale. "You okay, Mer?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'll be down in a bit. And, uh, toast instead of pancakes, I think."

"Okay, Mer. But you have to eat," I told her sternly.

"I know, I know," she nodded and then jumped off the bed, bolting to the bathroom and emptying her stomach.

I fought the urge to run after her, but knew she would rather me watching out for Dillon. "So bud, pancakes," I smiled, walking towards the stairs.

"My brother is being very bad," he said gravely as we went downstairs. "He should get his toys taken away."

"You did the same thing to your mommy when you were in her belly," I told him.

"I did?" he stared at me, his eyes wide.

"You did," I nodded. "And she didn't have us to take care of her."

He nodded seriously as I put him down and then went over to the breadbox, opening it and pulling out the bread. "Mommy said she wants toast. Does my brother like orange juice or apple juice?"

"I think apple juice today, bud," I told him. It would probably be easier on her stomach than the orange juice.

Meredith came downstairs a few minutes later to a Dillon-made plate of toast and a sippy cup of apple juice. "Who made this for me?" she smiled as she sat down.

"I did. Me and Sam did," Dillon said proudly.

"It looks very yummy," she gave him a kiss on the forehead and then shook Sam's paw. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mommy," he smiled up at her. "Is my baby brother still making you sick?"

"A little," she replied as she took a bite of the toast.

"Daddy Derek said I made you sick when I was in your belly. I'm sorry," Dillon told her, frowning.

"It's okay, Dill," she opened her arms and hugged him. "I was never angry at you. Because you're my Dill."

"Good," Dillon hugged her back. Watching them together was the best feeling in the world, nothing was better than this. Standing in my kitchen and watching my family hug. I had turned into a cheesy woman, I swear. "Daddy Derek and I are here to take care of you this time, Mommy."

She looked at him, tears in her eyes and hugged him a little tighter. "I know, Dill. I love you."

I walked over to them, and wrapped my arms around them both and gave them quick kisses. "Want chocolate chips in your pancakes?" I asked Dillon, my arms still securely around my family.

"Yeah!" he yelled. "Can we make them faces too, Daddy Derek?"

"Sure, bud. But you know that's going to take some more work," I told him, moving from my spot to go search for the chocolate chips. Meredith had a way of putting them one place, and then Izzie would come over and but them somewhere different. They were impossible to keep track of.

He nodded and detached himself from Meredith to help me make breakfast, as was our usual Sunday morning ritual. It felt good to have a ritual with my son. My six year old son who at the moment was probably about to make a huge mess, just like he did every morning. I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like when my baby son or daughter was born. And of course, the thought brought about my idiot grin.

"I was thinking we'd get to Mom's early today, have some time to tell her before everyone shows up," I suggested.

Meredith nearly choked on her toast before turning to look at me. "We're going to tell her separately and then tell everyone else again?" she asked. "I mean...twice?"

"We don't have to, I was just thinking, whatever you find easier, Mer," I shrugged.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I mean, I've never had to do this. I don't know." Her eyes were filling with tears.

"Mer, relax. This is going to be fine. We can tell them all at once, rip off the band aid, no anesthesia," I told her in my most soothing doctor tone.

"Maybe this is a mistake," she sighed. "We should wait. Definitely wait. I mean, they barely know me. They're going to think I'm some kind of a...a...S-L-U-T."

"Meredith, they love you. They are going to be thrilled," I tried to tell her, again.

"Two kids out of marriage," she sighed. "You'd think I could do it right for once."

"But this way makes you so much more interesting," I winked at her. "And this is right, for us it's right."

She sighed and stared at her hands and then looked back up at me. "Okay, let's go early. But you have to tell Mark not to wear cologne. His is worse than yours."

"I'll give him a call," I told her.

She nodded and then stood up, bringing plate and sippy cup to the sink before wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head on the back of my shoulder. "Love you," she whispered.

"Love you too," I whispered back.

"And me!" Dillon said from where he was watching me flip the pancakes.

"Of course, bud," I laughed.

"And Sam," he continued.

"And Sam," I nodded.

"And my baby brother."

"And your baby sister," I laughed.

"Brother!" he insisted.

"Sister," I said as I dished the pancakes onto the plate.

"Okay," Meredith laughed as Dillon opened his mouth to object, "you two can continue your argument. I'm going upstairs to shower."

I gave Meredith a quick kiss as she headed upstairs and turned back to our son. "Sister."

The argument continued through out breakfast and then was paused as we got ready to go to my mom's. It was, however, started up again when we got in the car, Dillon buckled tightly in the backseat with Sam. "Daddy Derek."

"Yes?" I asked him.

"Brother."

I laughed, watching Meredith roll her eyes. "Sister."

"Brother," he giggled.

"Sister," I replied.

"Are we going to do this the entire way?" Meredith smiled at me.

"Until I win," I whispered and then turned back to Dillon. "Sister."

"Brother."

"Sister."

"Brother."

"Sister."

"You know what Mommy thinks?" Meredith sighed, the smile gone from her face.

"What?" I asked slightly concerned.

"Mommy thinks this is getting very annoying and the next person who says either brother or sister is getting a time out," she stated firmly, looking between Dillon and me.

"You can't give me a time out," I pouted.

"I can have you sleep on the couch tonight," she snapped.

"You'd be lonely and come find me ten minutes later," I laughed.

"Do you really want to push your luck with this?" she asked. "Do you really want to mess with your pregnant girlfriend who is extremely nervous about telling your mother that she is pregnant with your illegitimate child?"

"Dill, we're going to have to continue this talk when your mom isn't around," I told him, smiling at Meredith.

"I think Mommy's angry at you," he said softly.

"I think she's angry with both of us," I told him solemnly.

"Mommy, we're sorry," Dillon said a little sadly.

"It's okay. Mommy's just a little nervous right now," Meredith answered him.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because we're telling Derek's mommy about your little brother or sister," Meredith turned to look at her son. "And I'm not sure how she's going to take it."

"Mommy," Dillon giggled.

"Dillon," Meredith smiled back.

"You said what you said Daddy Derek and me couldn't say," he laughed. "You get a time out."

I laughed loudly. "He has a point, Mer."

She rolled her eyes and turned in her seat, a frown on her lips. "Children," she muttered.

"You love us both," I told her as I pulled up to my mom's house.

"You're sure about this?" she turned to me, the frown gone and panic settling into her features.

"Yes, I'm sure about this. It's our family, Mer. They need to know," I said, reaching over and squeezing her hand tightly.

"Fine," she sighed and then opened the door, getting out, and moving to the back to help Dillon out.

"Meredith, this will be fine. It will be great," I tried to reassure her as we headed towards the front door.

Again, the front door was thrown open and my mother stood there in her usual apron, a smile on her face. "Derek!" she grinned, hugging me tightly.

"Hey Mom," I said hugging her back. "We thought we'd come early and get some alone time with you."

"Well, I'm not complaining," she smiled and then turned to Meredith, giving her a tight hug. "And Meredith! You're just glowing. You look so much better than I ever did in my first trimesters."

I laughed as Meredith's jaw dropped open in shock. "Told you," I winked.

"When is my grandbaby due?" she asked as she appraised Meredith with a motherly eye.

"September 21st, well sometime around then," I smiled.

"Congratulations!" my mom nearly squealed as she hugged Meredith and then latched herself onto me, hugging me almost too tightly. "I'm finally getting a grandchild from my boy!"

"How...how did you know?" Meredith sputtered.

"I've had five children, Meredith," she answered. "I can just tell from looking at you. You've gained a little bit of weight, especially in the chest and you're glowing. And you look absolutely exhausted. Are you getting enough sleep?"

"No, she's not," I answered for her, putting a protective arm around her. "She won't listen to me. She won't listen to Addison, her doctor. Do you want to lecture her?"

"Yes, I do," my mother nodded firmly. "But first, come in. And Dillon, how are you? Are you excited to get a little brother or sister?"

"It's a little brother," Dillon nodded, smiling broadly.

"Oh really?" Mom asked. "And how do you know that?"

"Because Sam wants a brother," Dillon nodded again, as if that fact alone was enough to settle any argument.

"But what if Sam gets a sister?" Mom asked, a smile playing at the corner of her lips.

"That would be okay. As long as she likes fishies. Because Daddy Derek likes fishing and I don't. So little brother has to like fishing," Dillon said smiling.

"I think you're going to have a little sister," Mom gave him a tight hug. "That's what I think."

"So that settles it, I won," I laughed at Dillon.

"Won what?" Mom asked.

"A stupid argument they've been having all day," Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"I think I'm gonna have a brother," Dillon pouted. "And no one believes me."

"Bud, it's not that we don't believe you," I said crouching down to his height. "We're just worried that you'll be disappointed if it's a girl."

"It's gonna be a boy," his lower lip trembled and I had a terrible feeling a tantrum was on it's way.

"Oh, bud," I said pulling him into his arms. "I hope it is, I really do. But it might not be, and you have to love your little sister just the same. She's going to need an older brother to protect her."

"Protect her?" he asked.

"Yep. If anyone is mean to her and makes her cry it's your job to protect her," I nodded.

"Like a police man?" the tears were starting to fade.

"Just like a police man," I smiled.

"Wow," he said. "Mommy, can I have a sister?"

"Maybe. We'll have to wait and see. But you're okay? Brother or sister, you're good?" Meredith asked, sounding hopeful that we had finally gotten through to Dillon.

"Yeah, but I want a sister more," he grinned.

"There's no winning with you, is there bud?" I laughed ruffling his hair.

My mom smiled at the scene and then turned to Meredith. "How have you been feeling?" she asked.

"Not as bad as I did with Dillon. Morning sickness nearly every day and I have to stay far away from Der's cologne," Meredith answered, smiling at me.

"I wish I had known," Mom sighed. "I made ham. Will that be too heavy for you?"

"No, I think that will be fine," Meredith told her.

"Are you sure?" Mom asked. "I can whip something else up for you."

"No, no, I'll be fine. Your son is being very protective so if I don't feel well I'm sure he'll take care of me," Meredith giggled slightly.

"I'm glad to hear that he's taking care of you," Mom threw me a look. "Because if he weren't, we'd be having a talk. "

"No need to talk, Mom. I'm here for her," I smiled, grabbing Meredith's hand and squeezing it.

"Good," Mom nodded. "Now, Meredith, you have to sleep. Sleep is the number one most important thing for your baby right right now. And for you. You don't need any extra stress on your body."

"I'm trying," Meredith sighed. "But Dillon's busy and Derek sometimes works crazy hours. It's hard."

"Derek can start taking some time off work, get more regular hours," Mom suggested, eyeing me. "And call your Dillon's father for help zipping him around or even taking him for a couple of hours. Don't they have a daycare service at the hospital?"

"They do and Dillon hates it, he always escapes. We have Der's office set up for Dill but it's still hard," Meredith sighed again.

"Dillon," Mom turned to the six year old, "we have to make a deal, okay?"

"What kind of deal?" Dillon asked, looking up from the picture of a pony he was drawing.

"You need to start protecting your little sister, right now, okay?" Mom sat next to him on the floor.

"How do I protect her? She's in mommy's belly," Dillon frowned.

"Well," Mom picked up a crayon and started drawing on a piece of paper, "your mommy has to get a lot of sleep so that your sister can grow up big and healthy. And it's your job to make sure your mommy gets a lot of naps, okay? But she can only do that if you're at daycare and you stay there."

"I can stay here?" Dillon asked looking excited. "Can Sam stay here too?"

"Um," my mom sighed as she looked at Dillon, "I'm sorry, Dill, you can't stay here. You have to stay at daycare."

"Okay, but I don't like daycare," Dillon whined slightly.

"I know you don't," Mom nodded. "But don't you want your sister to be healthy?"

"Yep," Dillon nodded.

"Well, if you're at daycare after school until your daddy or Daddy Derek comes to get you, then your Mommy can take a nap after work," Mom told him. "And that way, she can sleep and your sister will be healthy."

"Okay," Dillon said still frowning. "But only till my sister comes, right?"

"Right," Mom answered.

"Okay, but I'm not going to like it. Neither will Sam," he said pouting.

"Sometimes we have to do things we don't like for the people we love," Mom said softly.

"I love my sister," Dillon nodded smiling again. Dillon was the strangest kid ever. For the last month all we had heard about was his brother, and now in a matter of minutes it had completely changed.

"I know you do," Mom nodded and then kissed his blond head. "So you'll go to daycare?"

Dillon nodded. "But only because you asked me to grandma," he reached up wrapping his arms around her. He hadn't called her that before, it was always Mrs. Derek's mommy and apparently the grandma had just slipped out.

She pulled him in for a tight hug, and I swear I saw tears in her eyes. "That's my boy," she whispered into his hair.

I heard Meredith whimper softly beside me, watching her son hug my mom, and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. "So when is the rest of the clan here?" I asked, breaking up the emotional moment before I was in tears. And if Mark showed up to me crying I would never live it down.

"Soon," Mom answered as she got up from the floor. "Mark said he'd be by a little early today and the rest of the family is here when they get here."

"Mark already knows about the baby," I informed her. "So it's just the rest of them."

"You told Mark before your own mother?" she frowned.

"He came over one day while Meredith was getting sick, we had to explain it," I shrugged in apology.

The front door slammed and Mark came marching in. "Speaking of the devil," my mother smiled and then turned to Mark. "Hi, Markie."

"Hey Mom," Mark greeted her giving her a quick kiss before heading over to Meredith and hugging her hell. "How you feeling?"

"Good," Meredith replied. "And thank you for not wearing cologne."

"Anything for you, babe," Mark winked at her. Had it been any other guy he'd be laying on the floor right now bleeding. But Mark didn't threaten me.

"Mr. Mark!" Dillon grinned from his spot on the floor.

"Hey kiddo!" Mark smiled. "Still drawing fish?"

"Nope, ponies now!" Dillon held up his picture of the pink pony.

"Ponies? Pink ponies? Are you planning on your brother being gay?" Mark laughed.

"It's for my sister," Dillon rolled his eyes.

"Sister?" Mark said looking at the rest of us confused. "Since when has it been a sister?"

"Since I'm a policeman for her," Dillon said wisely.

"Oh," Mark nodded as if Dillon's reasoning made perfect sense. Of course in Mark's brain the reasoning of a 6 year old probably did make perfect sense.

"Anyone home?" Leah came in with her brood at that moment.

"Leah!" I greeted her, walking over to give her a hug in greeting.

"Hey, big brother," she smiled, hugging me tightly. "Do you have any idea what Mom wants to tell us?" she whispered in my ear.

I pulled back slightly, a confused expression on my face. "Mom wanted to tell us something?"

"That's what she told Nancy and me," she said. "She didn't tell you?"

"No she didn't mention anything," I frowned.

"Oh, weird," Leah shrugged. "I bet it's nothing."

"Probably," I shrugged, suddenly smiling. "But Mer and I have news."

"Did you propose?" she grinned.

"Well umm...no not yet," I cleared my throat. I wasn't going to tell the family about mine and Meredith's kind of engagement until it became an actual engagment.

"Hello!" Kathleen called out.

"Kathleen!" I greeted her, pulling her into a hug. Today I was thrilled to see my family, because finally I got to tell them that I was officially beginning to build my own.

"Hey, Derbear," she grinned and then pulled away. "Has Mom said anything to you yet? Nancy thinks she's going to tell us she's seeing someone."

"Why am I the only one who didn't hear about this something to tell us?" I complained. "And that's what Mark thinks."

"No idea," Nancy came up behind us. "I wonder who it is."

"Mom's not the only one with news," Leah said. "Derek was just telling me him and Mer have something to tell us."

"Oooo, are you guys engaged?" Erin was suddenly there too.

"No, we're not engaged," I told them sighing. "Come on, I'm not telling you anything until we're with Mer."

"Well, come on then," Nancy pushed me forward. "I want to hear the big news."

I let them push me into the living room where Meredith was in deep conversation with my mom and Dillon had disappeared to go play with his cousins that had already ran in. Meredith's relaxed expression immediately turned tense seeing my sisters. "Can I tell them?" I whispered in her ear, after walking up to her.

She nodded and squeezed my hand, taking a deep breath. "Okay," she whispered."

I smiled broadly at all my sisters and their husbands. "Meredith and I are pregnant."

The room exploded into screams and congratulations. My brothers-in-law all patted me on the back in congratulations while my sisters flooded around Meredith, questions pouring out of their mouths. "When are you due?" Nancy asked.

"September 21st," Meredith answered sounding overwhelmed, her hand searching for mine. I grabbed it.

"I can't believe it!" Leah exclaimed, hugging Meredith. "You look great too, you really do."

"I feel fat," Meredith pouted. "And Derek keeps telling me I'm already showing."

"Oh my God!" Erin squealed. "Are you? Come on, I want to see!"

"There's nothing to see," Meredith protested at the same moment I sweeped her into my arms, kissing her cheek quickly as I lifted her sweater to show off the ever so miniscule baby bump.

"It's tiny," Nancy nodded, "but it's definitely there. You really do start showing earlier with your second."

"That's what Addison said," Meredith nodded.

"Addison Montgomery?" Nancy asked. "She's a brilliant OB. Really brilliant. You're lucky to have her."

"She's a friend of Derek's so he got me in," Meredith said, smiling at me. Obviously coming to the conclusion I'd hope she would reach, that Addison had never met my family.

"I am so happy for you guys!" Kathleen said for probably the tenth time. "Boy or girl? And don't tell me you don't know because I know you have a feeling."

"I think it's a girl," Meredith said, resting one hand on her stomach, her other entwined in mine. She had started doing that recently, a lot of resting hands on stomachs, and I knew I was doing it too. Our baby was in there.

"A girl," my mom smiled. "Definitely a girl. I just know it."

"Dillon wants it to be a girl," I said. "Not that means much. Up to an hour ago he was convinced it was a boy."

"Oh, is he happy?" Erin asked. "No jealousy issues yet?"

"He's ecstatic," I smiled. "Jealousy will probably set in eventually, but right now, life is good."

"Good," Kathleen hugged me and then turned to Mom. "Now, Mom, today is apparently a day for news. What's yours?"

"Yeah Mom, what's the news you didn't even bother let me know about. Apparently I'm out of the family loop," I complained.

"It's nothing," my mom smiled. "Just, you know, the ramblings of a boring old woman."

"Mom, what's wrong?" Mark asked, looking concerned.

"It's nothing," Mom repeated, waving her hand. "Let's focus on Derek's news."

"Mom, you know us. We're not going to shut up until you answer," Nancy pointed out.

"Nancy, please," my mother gave her a stern look but we all heard her pleading tone.

"Mom, what is it?" I asked, feeling Meredith's hand squeeze my own.

She looked at me, tears in her eyes and she sighed. "Derek, honey, I don't want to ruin the day. It's such a happy occasion."

"Mom, just tell us, " I pleaded, squeezing Mer's hand tightly, suddenly thankful that I had her beside me.

She looked down at her hands and then looked up at all of us, tears already falling from her blue eyes. "I have cancer," she said softly.

My family gasped around me and I felt Meredith move closer to me, for her comfort or my own I wasn't sure. "What kind?" I asked.

"Breast," she replied. "Stage three."

My world was falling apart. I turned around, I couldn't look at her, right now I couldn't look at her. As I ran my fingers through my hair, I felt Meredith's tiny arm wrap around me, giving me the only comfort she could offer. It wasn't enough, but it was something. "How could you let it get this bad?" Nancy asked, anger in her voice.

"I've been having radiation treatments," Mom replied. "I had a lump removed a month ago. We thought that was it. But it had already spread."

Meredith's arm tightened around me and in that instant I wanted to break down, to sob on my Meredith's shoulder. To fall apart and have her there to hold me together. But I couldn't. "You should have told us sooner, Mom," Mark said.

"I thought I'd be fine," she said sadly. "I thought I'd get the lump removed and that would be it."

"Mom! We're your family, we had a right to know!" Kathleen demanded. I felt my body shake slightly and Meredith curl up to me even closer.

"I didn't want to worry any of you," Mom explained softly. "You all have your own busy lives to deal with."

"And you're a very important part," Mark said, walking over to put his arm around her, the first one of us to offer comfort.

"I can't believe this," Erin sighed. "After Dad. After what the doctors said about doctors appointments. After all of that and you let it get this bad?"

"I'm sorry, it's just...I didn't know how to tell you," my mom said in a shaky voice.

"Mom, it's okay," Mark hugged her tighter. It was weird that the only one of Mom's children offering her comfort was her only non biological child. But I couldn't look at my mother. I couldn't understand this. "We'll get through this."

Suddenly I needed air, I needed to get out of this house and away from this all. I was good at handling the big things, but not this. Not mom lying, not her being sick. So I moved, pulling myself away from Meredith and out the door of the house, standing in the middle of the driveway in the rain and not even caring that it was raining. And then Mer's arms were around me. And I let myself cry.

_"When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore..."_


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: So this update is going to make you cry. And chances are Grey's tonight is going to make you cry. Maybe we do own Grey's Anatomy...**

The rain was cold, and I had the distinct feeling that Meredith and I would regret this at some point. That point didn't matter. My mom was sick, my mom was sick with a potentially fatal cancer, and she had let it get this bad before even telling us, her family of doctors. So it rained and I didn't care. I needed to be here, I couldn't be inside with everyone. I needed to be here with just Meredith. I needed to breathe.

Her tiny arms were holding me tight, rocking me a little as I cried, as my tears fell onto her shoulders. "It's okay, Der," she whispered. "It will be okay." Her words seemed worthless, futile, and while I understood why she was saying them, I felt a tinge of anger pass through me.

It wasn't Meredith's fault that my mom was sick, it wasn't Meredith's fault we were standing out in the rain. And she was here. Meredith, my runner, the one that always freaked, was here holding me tight when I needed her the most. And right now that was enough regardless of how useless her words were. "Thanks, Mer," I whispered, pulling back and wiping the tears off my cheeks.

"You're welcome," she whispered. "Love you."

"Love you too," I whispered, trying to smile but failing miserably. Instead I gave her a quick kiss before taking her hand and leading her back inside.

"Derek," Mom stood at the door, her eyes a little red from crying. "Derek, are you all right?"

I nodded quickly, squeezing Meredith's hand. I could do this, I needed to do this. Since I had been 10 I had been the man of the house, the person who was strong when everyone needed him. And that wasn't going to change now. "Who's your doctor?" I asked.

"Dr. Calvin Jacobs at Mercy West," she replied, reaching out to hug me.

I hugged her back. "No, you need someone better. I'll see if Addison can take you on."

"Derek, really," Mom shook her head, "you don't need to do that. Dr. Jacobs is fine."

"No, you need the best. And Addie's the best. You're not arguing this, Mom," I ordered.

"Derek, I'm sure Addie is very busy," Mom shook her head.

"She'll take you on. She found time for Meredith, she will find time for you," I nodded, feeling better now that I had a plan in place.

Mark came forward, his eyes burning. "We're here for you, Mom," he said. "We all are."

"And you're going to listen to us," I ordered again. "You raised five doctors, and now you have to listen to us."

"He's right, Mom," Nancy spoke up. "As much as I hate to admit it, he's right. You have to involve us in this. You can't keep this kind of thing from us. Dad kept everything from us and..." She trailed off as she turned around towards her husband.

"But you all have such busy lives, you really don't have to go out of your way," my mom tried to argue.

"Mom, you raised us," Kathleen said softly. "After Dad died, it was just you. You raised us and Mark. And we all know that wasn't easy. We're not going out of our way. We love you. You're our mommy."

"And right now you have no other choice," I told her.

"I don't want you worrying about me," Mom whispered. "I don't want any of you to put your lives on hold for me."

"Mom, you're part of our lives. It's our job to take care of you," Erin said pulling Mom into a hug.

Suddenly, Dillon and Sullivan came running in, stopping when they saw the grown ups with serious looks on their faces. "What's the matter?" Dillon asked as he took Meredith's hand.

"Nothing, Dill. Derek and I will talk to you about it when we get home," Meredith repiled gently.

"Is dinner ready?" he asked softly, moving to stand a little bit behind her, obviously uncomfortable.

"Not yet, it will be a bit longer," Meredith answered him.

"Okay," he nodded and then turned towards my mom. "Grandma, why are you crying?"

"It's nothing, baby, don't worry about it," my mom shook her head.

"Are you hurt?" he asked seriously. "Because Daddy Derek is a surgeon and he can surgeon you better."

"No, I'm fine,' she answered in a slightly shaky voice. "How about you four come and help me set the table?" she asked, addressing the 2 boys and their 2 bears.

"Okay," Sullivan nodded. "Come on, Dillon. I want the blue cup."

"I want the red one," Dillon said, smiling and following them out of the room.

Mark turned to stare at everyone, letting out the breath that I realized we had all been holding. "Shit," he said.

"No kidding," I responded running my fingers through my hair, feeling Meredith's hand travel to my back. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"She'll be fine," Leah whimpered. "I mean, stage 3. It's not stage 4. What's the survival rate? Fifty percent?"

"Something like that," I shrugged. "I'll called Addison tomorrow, she...she can tell us more. I'm sure she'll be willing to take Mom on."

"We have to have a plan," Nancy stated. "She's going to have chemo, surgery. We have to all take care of her. Someone needs to be with her at all times."

"We can each take a turn. I'm going on a lighter rotation for the baby, so I have more time. And we can take turns. There's five us. It should be too hard," I responded.

"Six," Mark said. "Six including me. I'm going to help too."

I nodded, grateful to have my somewhat brother here. "Okay, we can each take a night a week, and we'll alternate on who can take two depending on family schedules."

"I'll take two," Mark stated. "I'm going to take a lighter rotation too. Mom needs us." I could tell he was struggling with this, his father had left when he was young, and his own mother had died during college. And this time, it seemed my brother from a very different mother was determined not to lose his mom.

"Thanks Mark," I nodded. "We're all going to have to pull our weight to get through this."

"You've got a baby on the way," Mark smiled at me. "You need to worry about Meredith right now, Derek. I can take three nights if you need me to."

'No, I need to be there for Mom," I said turning to Meredith and trying to find reassurance in her eyes that she was okay with this, that she could handle this.

"I'm fine," Meredith said softly. "I've done this before, I'm fine. I want, I know you need to take care of, uh, of Mom right now." It was the first time she had called my mother Mom and I tried very hard not to cry again as I squeezed her hand.

"So we're going to have to play this day by day," I nodded, turning away from Meredith although I pulled her slightly closer to me.

"What if," Erin looked up, her voice catching, "what if something happens? Dad went so fast."

"Nothing can happen," I shook my head quickly before anyone else could answer. "She's Mom. She can't...nothing can happen."

"Maybe we should prepare ourselves," Erin pushed on quietly. "It might be easier, Derek."

"No. We can't think like that, we need to stay positive, at least right now. Mom needs us to be positive," I stated. Honestly I couldn't think like that because it would kill me. I couldn't think of Mom not being okay. She was my mom, and my life was finally coming together. She needed to be around to see it.

"Derek's right," Kathleen put on her therapist's voice. "The most important thing for any cancer patient is a positive outlook. We need to remain positive and take this day by day."

"We can do this. We have each other, we can get through this. We just need to stay organized and positive and strong. But we can do this," I rambled, something I had apparently picked up from Meredith.

Mom came in then, a smile on her face. "Dinner's on the table," she stated. "And the boys did a wonderful job."

"Okay, let's eat, " I sighed, leading Meredith to the dinning room. For some reason I didn't want to let go of her, not today. I needed her to lean on, I needed her there. I couldn't let go.

For the first time in twenty years, the table was almost quiet during dinner. The kids were even quiet, realizing that something was very wrong. Mom tried to keep up cheerful conversation, but all any of us could do was pick at our food. "This is why I didn't want to tell you," Mom finally sighed as she brought dessert in.

"We would have figured it out," I pointed out.

"I know, Derek," Mom frowned at me. "But right now, we should be celebrating. Meredith is pregnant. A new little Shepherd is going to be born in September. We should be celebrating right now, not moping about the dinner table."

"And thank god everyone now knows. This secret agent thing doesn't work well with the ladies," Mark said frowning. "Actually the only lady I tried it on was Cristina and she doesn't count."

"Cristina's not a lady," Meredith giggled slightly and then covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry."

"Meredith, I already said, no moping. It's okay to laugh," my mom said, sounding more relaxed. "Who's Cristina?"

"My best friend," Meredith replied. "She helped Mark baby sit recently. Which, by the way, is never happening again."

"What? Why not?" Mark asked looking insulted. "Yang and I made a great team."

"Because my son was covered in chocolate and wouldn't go to sleep due to his sugar high," Meredith glared at him. "And was watching a horror movie."

"Your son had the time of his life. He happens to love Uncle Mark and Aunt Cristina," Mark said, smiling smuggly.

"Mr. Mark is the best baby sitter ever," Dillon grinned.

"That's right," Mark nodded. "You raised a smart kid, Mer."

Meredith just smiled and then stood up slowly. "Excuse me," she whispered, her face a little pale.

"You okay?" I asked quickly.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm fine. Just...I'm fine."

"You sure?" I frowned to her. She didn't look fine.

She nodded and then walked out of the dining room quickly, one hand on her stomach, the other across her mouth. "My sister is making Mommy sick," Dillon said sadly. "Bad sister."

"I'm sure you used to make your mommy sick when you were in her belly," Erin told him, smiling.

"Daddy Derek said I did," he nodded. "Grandma says Mommy needs to take naps. Will that make my sister be good?"

"It will help," Nancy smiled.

"Dillon has decided to go to daycare so he can make sure his mommy gets a lot of sleep," Mom said. "He wants to protect his little sister."

"Really?" Mark asked, his face brightening. "I'll come visit you, kiddo."

"You will, Mr. Mark?" Dillon grinned. "Will you come visit Sam too?"

"Of course. Day care is much cooler than my office," Mark nodded.

"Only for you, Mark," Nancy laughed. "Because you have the mind of a six year old."

"I'll have you know, Kelly who runs the place is very attractive lady. My mind is definitely not that of a six year old," Mark laughed.

"Cruising for girls," Dillon laughed.

"Mark Sloan, what have you been teaching that boy?" my mom shouted.

"Mr. Mark," Dillon smiled, "are you gonna share your pickle with Miss Kelly?"

"Mark!" my mom shouted again, looking completely appaled. "That's not the type of thing you let children here. Did I raise you to be an idiot?"

"No, Mom," he blushed a little. "Sorry."

My mom gave him her death glare. It had been so long since I had seen it I didn't know if she could still manage it, but apparently she could. "You're right you're sorry. And you will be apologizing to Meredith the second she comes back. I'd have you apologize to Derek but I fear he's grown accustomed to your behaviour."

"He doesn't get it," Mark mumbled.

"No mumbling at the table, Mark," my mom told him. Strangely this felt like high school all over again.

Meredith came back in at that moment, still looking a little pale as she sat down next to me, resting her head against my shoulder. "What have I missed?" she whispered, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"Dillon talked about cruising for ladies, and Mark's pickel. My mom was not to pleased and now Mark has to apologize to you," I whispered, pressing my lips against her forehead. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she nodded. "Are you okay?"

"No," I answered her honestly. I was good at pretending I was okay when I wasn't, but not to Meredith. "But I have you," I tried to smile.

"Do you want to go?" she asked, looking concerned as my smile failed. "You can blame it on me."

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to go home and crawl into Meredith's arms and forget tonight had ever happened. And then I heard Dillon laugh. Going home would mean having to talk to him, to let him know what was going on. "No, we can stay here a bit longer," I told her.

"Are you sure?" she looked right into my eyes, her green eyes filled with concern and love.

"No, I don't..." I whispered. "I just, I don't want to go home and tell Dillon. I just want to forget about this."

She squeezed my hand gently and then stood up. "I'm sorry, everyone," she said. "I'm feeling a little tired. We're going to head on home." She turned to me and then whispered, "I'm here, Der."

I smiled gratefully at Mer and walked over to my mom to give her a quick kiss as Meredith helped Dillon out of his chair. "I'll call you tomorrow, Mom. After I talk to Addie."

"Derek, I'm sorry," she whispered as she hugged me tightly.

"It's okay," I told her. It wasn't but it would have to be.

"I wanted to protect you," she told me earnestly as she got up to walk my family and me out the door.

"I don't need protecting, Mom," I said.

She smiled as she kissed my cheek. "You always do this," she whispered. "Even after your dad died. You try to take control. Take care of your baby and Meredith."

"I can take care of both of you," I told her seriously. I could.

"I'm fine, Derek," she replied. "I'm a grown woman. I raised six children. And while I'm not sure Markie was a total success, I did it all by myself after your father died. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, Mom. But you need us. We're your family. You need us," I urged her.

"Your family needs you," she told me firmly and then smiled as Meredith and Dillon came towards us. "Meredith, take care of yourself."

"I will," Meredith said giving my mom a quick hug. "Let him take care of you," Meredith whispered, but I heard her anyway. "He'll go crazy if he can't."

Mom smiled softly and kissed Meredith on the cheek. "I know," she nodded. "But I don't want either of you worrying about me. The most important thing is making sure my grandbaby is healthy."

"He or she will be fine," Meredith smiled, resting one hand on her belly, grasping mine with her other.

"She," Mom smiled. "Now, go. You look absolutely exhausted. I'll see the two of you next Sunday."

"We'll be here," Meredith smiled, leading me out the door, Dillon following close behind after giving his grandma a hug goodbye.

We got in the car and started driving, Dillon talking in the backseat. "Daddy Derek?"

"Yeah?" I asked quietly.

"Sister," he giggled a little. "Now you have to say brother."

Tears prickeled my eyes. "I'm not in the mood right now, bud. Maybe later."

"Why?" he asked. "You said we were gonna play later."

"I just...I have a lot on my mind right now," I sighed. "Maybe when we get home."

"Okay," he said. "Do you want a picture?"

"Sure," I agreed half heartedly. I didn't want to take this out on Dillon. He was this perfect happy kid who didn't deserve anything but the best from me. But right now this was the best. I felt Meredith's hand tighten around mine.

"Dillon," Meredith turned to look at him, "when we got home, Mommy and Daddy Derek have to have a very important talk with you, okay?"

"Okay," Dillon pouted. "Am I in trouble? I'm sorry I talked about Mark's pickel at supper."

Meredith chuckled a little. "No, honey, you're not in trouble. But this is a very serious talk."

"Okay," Dillon said, falling into silence as he worked on whatever he was drawing. I could feel Meredith's eyes on me, but didn't bother to look in her direction. Because if I did, I'd fall apart. And that wasn't an option.

She squeezed my hand gently and then brought it over to put on her stomach. I knew she meant it as a comforting gesture, but all I could think was that my mom might not live to see my daughter or son be born. That I had waited too long. That my mother was dying. I took a ragged breath and pulled my hand away, running my fingers through my hair. My mom had been so patient with me, going through college, med school, my carreer everything. And she had always been so proud of me, even though I hadn't given her the one thing she wanted from me, she was proud. I knew she had always loved me. Now finally I was happy. I was with the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I had a child and another on the way. And I could loose my mom.

We pulled into the driveway and I sat in the car for a few seconds as Meredith and Derek scrambled out. My mom had cancer. Stage three breast cancer. My mother could be dying. She could be gone before Meredith could give birth. I had lost my father before he could see me grow up and I had taken his job as a father, but I didn't know how my family would survive without my mother. My mother had always been the glue that held my family together. Even before we had lost Dad, my mom had been that person, the matriarch of the Shepherd clan. She was the one that brought us together. We didn't know how to survive without her. I finally entered the house, immediately Meredith's arms were around me, Dillon standing on the stairs looking worried.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Is my sister sick?"

"Your sister is fine," Meredith answered him, taking a shaky breath. "How about you and Daddy Derek go to the living room. I'll go grab the cookies Izzie brought over earlier and be there in a minute."

"Okay," Dillon nodded and grabbed my hand, taking me into the living room. "Daddy Derek, don't cry, kay? Mommy said my sister is okay."

I nodded, trying to smile at him as I sunk onto the couch. Sensing my mood Dillon climbed onto my lap, wrapping his arms around me tightly as we waited for Meredith to reappear. At least my mom had met him. He wasn't her own, just like he wasn't mine, but I knew that didn't bother her. He was her grandson, just like all the rest of them. I just hoped she would be around to see my next one.

Meredith came in with the cookies and three glasses of milk and sat down next to us, handing a cookie to Dillon, who took it excitedly. "I got two desserts today," he said. "Daddy Derek, do you want a cookie?"

"Sure," I whispered in response, not trusting myself to say anything louder as I took a cookie off the plate, even though my stomach was tied in knots. I looked at Meredith pleading with her to find the words, because I knew I couldn't.

Dillon looked back and forth between us and then said, "Something bad happened, didn't it?"

"Yes, bud," Meredith said, using my nickname for him as she smoothed his hair. "Grandma Shepherd is sick."

"Then give her medicine," Dillon shrugged. "Even though it tastes bad, it makes you better."

"It's not that kind of sick," Meredith smiled sadly. "She has cancer, remember how I told you about what cancer was? She's going to need surgery and then she's going to have to take some medecine that's going to make her sick before she gets better."

"Cancer makes you go away though," Dillon's eyes began to water. "Uncle George's dad went away."

"It doesn't always make you go away," Meredith tried to sooth. "Uncle George's dad had it really bad. He was really sick. Grandma isn't as bad, she can get better."

"Promise?" Dillon looked up at the two of us, his parents, looking for a promise we couldn't make. For the first time, I suddenly felt a sense of failure as I looked at his hopeful eyes.

"Dill, we can't make that promise. But she's going to try her hardest to get better, and she had a whole bunch of people helping her out," Meredith said, a tear tracing it's way down her cheek. I hated myself for this, for bringing this pain into their lives. Just months ago this pain would have just been mine, I felt awful for sharing it with them.

"What if she goes away?" Dillon whimpered, wrapping his arms tightly around my neck. "I don't want her to go away. I love Grandma."

I felt some tears find their way down my cheek. Dillon in his childhood innocence was asking all the questions that I was afraid to. "That's something we will deal with if it happens. But it's not going to. We have to stay positive, Dill. Everything is going to be fine. And you can't be sad, Grandma doesn't want us to be sad."

"Okay," he nodded but then hugged Sam close to him. "I'll try not to be sad. I'll be a big boy."

"Good, that's what grandma needs. It's what Daddy Derek needs to," Meredith said, shifting slightly to run her fingers through my dishevled hair.

Dillon nodded and kissed me on the nose. "Your mommy's gonna be okay, Daddy Derek," he said quietly. "She's not gonna go away like your daddy."

"I hope so," I said quietly, pulling Dillon close to me, crushing Sam against my chest as I wrapped my arms around my son, fighting hard not to cry. I felt Meredith shift on the couch again, wrapping her arms around the both of us.

"Dill," Meredith whispered in his hair, "go get ready for bed and do some of your homework. Mommy and Daddy Derek are gonna go upstairs too. If you need help, then come and get me, okay?"

"Okay," Dillon said, pulling away from me and wiping a few tears from his eyes. "I love you, Daddy Derek," he said, wrapping his arms around me one last time.

I watched as he ran off and then Meredith turned to me, taking my hand. "Come on," she whispered. "Let's go to bed."

_When this whole world gets too crazy  
And there's nowhere left to run   
I know you give me sanctuary  
You're the only truth I know   
You're the road back home _


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Meredith would be many things...dead would not be one of them.**

I hadn't even been asleep for an hour when the alarm went off, jarring me out of sleep and causing me to sit up and grab my phone, checking for any messages. In the two months since my mom had told us about her diagnosis, I had spent more time with her and at the hospital than I had ever considered possible. She had had surgery to remove another lump, and was now going through chemotherapy, which mean it was up to the Shepherd clan to take care of our mother.

Checking my phone for messages had become an hourly routine. I didn't want to miss anything, I couldn't miss anything. And it would be easy too. My life was running ragged right now, between work and my mom. I felt like I was always on the run, always having someone else to protect, another thing to take care of. So missing messages could easily happen.

Seeing none, I ran my hands over my stubbled face, wondering if there was any way I could snatch another ten minutes of sleep. I hadn't slept more than an hour a night in two months, and I was exhausted. I laid back down on the bed and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard Dillon running down the stairs. "Breakfast time! Breakfast time!" he yelled.

"Dill! Can you quiet down?" I yelled. His adorable morning ritual wasn't nearly as adorable on one hour of sleep.

He either hadn't heard me or was deciding to ignore me as he continued yelling breakfast time at the top of his lungs, before finally, I assumed, Meredith had him in a chair and quiet. Meredith. The rock. It was weird to think that my Meredith could be a rock. But in the last two months, she had become this force to be reckoned with. She helped take care of Mom, she took care of Dillon, hell, she even took care of me. And all the while, she somehow managed to go to work and be pregnant.

I knew I wasn't devoting enough time to her, in quiet moments like this, between the running, when I was trying not to worry, I knew I wasn't being there for her when she needed me. But my mom needed me more. Meredith was strong, Meredith was remarkable. Meredith was healthy. She didn't need me the way my family did right now. Actually I was the one that needed her.

"Hey," she smiled, coming into the room. "What time do you need to be at work?"

"Too soon," I rolled over, burying my head in the pillow.

She crawled into bed next to me and rubbed my back a little, the same thing she did whenever Dillon was upset. It was soothing, but I was exhausted and it was putting me to sleep. "Der," she murmured.

"Hmmm..." I muttered against my pillow. Or maybe it was hers. It smelled like her.

"You need to slow down," she said, carefully. "You're running yourself into the ground."

Anger bubbled in my stomach immediately. Meredith didn't know what it was like, she didn't have a family to watch over. But I bit any comments back. I knew it was my exhaustion talking, and Meredith didn't need me taking things out on her. "I'd love to slow down, but I can't."

"You took," she started and then stopped, getting off the bed and moving into the bathroom. "Okay," she finally said.

Part of me knew I should jump up after her, demand to hear the end of her sentence or to check if she was really okay. Or even just to hold her. It had been a long time since I held her for anything more than my own comfort. But I just didn't have the energy. She would just have to understand. "Daddy Derek!" Dillon came running into the bedroom and jumped onto the bed, a huge smile on his face. "Daddy Derek! Guess what!"

"What?" I asked, less than enthusistically.

"I gots a loose tooth!" he grinned and placed his tongue behind the loose tooth, wiggling it back and forth. "Mommy says it will fall out soon and the Tooth Fairy will come and visit."

"That's nice," I tried to muster a smile, but failed miserably.

"Daddy Derek, why can't penguins fly?" he asked me, lying down next to me.

"I don't know," I told him, closing my eyes. My head was starting to pound. That had been another feature of the last two months of my life. Pounding headaches constantly.

"What about chickens?" he asked. "Can chickens fly? Or turkey? Uncle George used to go turkey hunting with his daddy. Can turkeys fly?"

"I don't know," I answered again, rubbing my hand along my temple, wishing for the pounding to leave.

"Well, they're birds, aren't they?" he asked.

"Enough with the questions, Dillon, " I groaned.

"One more question," he giggled.

"No Dillon, no more questions," I said, hearing the anger in my own voice as I climbed out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, walking by a very confused and concerned looking Meredith.

"Why not?" Dillon asked, following me.

"It's early and I have a headache and I just can't handle it right now," I told him.

"It's not that early," he giggled. "I get up this early every morning. And you should take some tylenol. Mommy got me some that's supposed to taste like cherries but it doesn't. They lied and I think that's bad because Aunt Izzie says you should never lie. But they lied about my medicine tasting like cherries. Cause it doesn't. It tastes really bad."

"Dillon, be quiet. I told you, I have a headache and I really can't put up with this right now," I snapped at him.

He stared at me, his lower lip trembling and tears filling his blue eyes. "Dill," Meredith came forward, bending down to speak to him, "why don't you go downstairs and I'll be down in just a second okay?" He nodded and turned around, giving me one last sad stare before heading downstairs. Meredith turned to me and crossed her arms. "That was uncalled for."

"Mer, I told him I had a headache. I told him I wasn't in the mood for his chattering. What was I supposed to do?" I asked her.

"Just let him chatter," she answered. "He just wants some time with you. He never sees you anymore."

"You don't think I want to be here, Mer? You think I want to be taking care of my sick mom? I want to see more of him, but I can't. And right now I can't put up with the chatter either," I told her.

"Look I get that you're busy but," she stopped again, taking a deep breath as she leaned against the bathroom counter before finally letting it out and looking at me. "I know," she whispered. "I know. Have a good day at work. Love you." She kissed me on the cheek and then left the room, heading downstairs to her pouty six year old son.

Meredith had been acting like that for that past two months, one second ready to yell at me, the next understand and giving me space. And I loved her for it, I did. She apparently understood that right now there was more important things going on, that my mom needed me, that I had to take care of the woman that had raised me. Meredith got it. And for that I would be forever grateful.

When I finally got downstairs, the kitchen was clean and Meredith and Dillon were gone, presumably to school and work. I grabbed my briefcase from the front table and started out to my car, double checking again for messages as I got into the vehicle, dreading the workday ahead. Four surgeries, an afternoon meeting with Addison about my mom, and then dealing with god knows what later at home.

I missed my perfect life. The one that had involved Dillon spending time in my office drawing fish, surgeries I actually cared about. I missed being excited about becoming a dad, becoming a father. I missed going home to Meredith and forgetting about everything else but how good it felt to be with her. But life had dealt me a different hand now, and I could deal. I was the man of my family, I had to deal. My sisters looked to me for guidance, for advice. My mother expected me to be at every doctor's appointment, to explain things to her, to make sure she was being told everything, no candy coating. Mark had gone on a manwhore rampage in the past two months, sleeping with any girl he could get his hands on. And Meredith, my Meredith, was still strong. Still okay. She didn't depend on me. And it was a relief to have someone who didn't depend on me.

I reached my office, blissfully quiet compared to the busy hallway of the hospital. I didn't want to be here, the day loomed a head of me. Months ago I had loved my job, I had come to work everyday eager to save lives. Not it felt wrong. Because I couldn't save my mom's life. And no one else mattered. Work brought me no joy, it just wasted time I could be doing something else.

I sat down at my desk and buried my head in my hands, trying desperately to stay awake. I would most definitely need an espresso this morning before any surgeries, or I would fall asleep in the middle of surgery. I yawned deeply and reached inside my briefcase to pull out my laptop, hoping to check my e-mails before the day began. My fingers brushed against something soft and worn and I frowned. I grabbed it in my hand and pulled out Sam. The tiny teddy bear that my son carried everywhere with him, my son's other half, his best friend and his brother, had been shoved into my beg. Along with a note, written in Meredith neat hand writing. "Daddy Derek! Mom said you were sad so I thought you might want a friend to keep you company at work. Sam can stay with you as long as you need him. I love you. Dillon."

The tears came to my eyes swiftly as I held Sam close to me, guilt shooting through my veins. My son had given me his most prized possession. He had given me the second half of Dillon and Sam. I cuddled to the bear close, breathing in the scent of Dillon's Johnson's baby shampoo as the tears came down. I couldn't help but remember that morning, snapping at Dillon, not even noticing that Sam hadn't been with him.

I knew I had been an ass to him and Meredith recently, and as much as I knew they both understood, I also knew they had done nothing to deserve it. It was one thing to not have enough time for them, but the little I did couldn't be spent snapping. They were my family too. But I had been an ass. When I got home that night I'd do something to make it up to them. Sam and I would do something.

There was a knock at my door and Addison came in, dressed in her usual outfit of pencil skirt, button down, and stiletto pumps, her white coat worn over the outfit. "Derek," she greeted me, nodding at me a little coldly.

"Addison," I greeted her. "What's up?"

"Meredith," she stated. "I've been meaning to talk to you about her since her appointment two weeks ago. But everything with your mom, well, I just haven't found the right time. Is now good?"

"Actually, no, I have to be in the OR soon and was headed out," I said getting up and placing the bear on my desk chair, trying to ignore my rapid heart beat. I had enough on my mind without having to worry about Meredith.

"Fine, I'll follow you," she said, following me out the door of my office. "We can talk on your way to the OR."

"Can't it just wait, Addie?" I asked her, pleadingly. Because if it could wait it wasn't that serious and I wouldn't have to worry about her.

"If a surgery is more important to you than the health of your girlfriend and child then yes," she nodded. "It can wait."

"What is it? "I asked,as I kept walking. "Please tell me something minor, because I can't handle much more."

"Derek, she's exhausted. She looks dead on her feet. She's lost weight, which definitely isn't what I want to see with a patient a month into her second trimester," Addie stated quickly, falling in step next to me. "And her blood pressure still concerns me."

"What do you want me to do? We have Dillon in daycare. I can't make the woman eat. And well, stress, Addie, I can't exactly take her away from that. So what do you want me to do?" I asked.

"Take care of her," she answered. "I know how much you're here at the hospital, Derek. I can't imagine it's easy for your pregnant girlfriend to come home from work and then have to help Dillon with his homework, make dinner, get him ready for bed, clean up a little bit, and then wait up until all hours of the night wondering if you're going to come home."

I stopped my impatient walk and ran my fingers through my hair. "Don't you think I want to be there? That was the plan, I was supposed to be there. But than life got in the damn way. I can't be home, I have things to take care of."

"Yes, your mom," Addison nodded as she put a hand on my arm. "But, Derek, your sisters can take care of her too."

"I've been taking care of that family since I was 10 years old Addison. Don't for a second think I'm going to forget about them when they need me most," I whispered harshly.

"Fine," she huffed. "But you know what, you have another family now. And they need you too. But you make the decision, Derek. You decide which family is more important to you."

"What?" I asked her, completely taken a back. "You want me to choose between families? You want me to choose who I love more?"

"No," she rolled her eyes. "I want you to take care of your pregnant girlfriend before she ends up in this hospital in premature labor or worse. That's what I want."

"I'm trying my best here, Addie. My life is kind of overwhelming right now and I'm trying my best," I tried to explain.

"And you're failing," she stated. "Go do your surgery, Derek. I'll see you later this afternoon." She turned on her heel and left, her stilettos hitting the tile hard as she walked off towards the stairs.

I ran my fingers through my hair one last time before heading towards the OR. I don't know what she expected me to do, how she expected me to prioritize my life. Right now too many people needed me, I couldn't let anyone down. And Meredith was strong, she was incredibly strong. She didn't need me as much. Or at least I didn't think she did.

The day finally came to an end, after a rather cold session with Addie, an oncologist, and my mother about her treatment. There wasn't really a change yet, the chemo was doing its damage and we would just have to wait and see, which I now realized was the most asinine line doctors could ever use to patients. I vowed never to use it again as I grabbed Sam and went out to my car, prepared to spend a night with my family. Addison's words had been running through my head all day. I was trying my best, I really was. And I thought it had been enough,that Meredith was dealing. Apparently I had been wrong. I just didn't know how to go about fixing it, how to make this all balance without me letting someone down. I hoped spending the evening with my family was a step.

When I got home, Meredith was in the kitchen with Dillon, both of their blonde heads bent over some sort of homework. "Hi," Meredith smiled at me as I came in.

"Hi," I smiled back at her, wrapping my arms around her and giving her a quick kiss hello. She felt strange in my arms now, her rounded belly oddly mismatched against my flat one.

"How was work?" she asked, keeping one eye on Dillon as he wrote something on the piece of paper, not even bothering to greet me.

"Long but not as bad as I had thought it would be," I responded, holding her close to my side. "Some little bear snuck away with me today and kept me company."

Dillon looked up for a brief second, his eyes bright and a smile playing at the corner of his lips before looking back down. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I approached him letting go of Meredith. "I'm sorry I yelled at you this morning, bud. Things have just been hard recently but I shouldn't have yelled."

"Do you still love me?" he whimpered.

"Of course, bud, I will always love you," I told him wrapping my arms around him,

"I don't want you to be sad anymore," he said as I hugged him tight.

"I wish I wasn't, Dill. I wish I could promise to be happier. But I can promise that I'm not going to yell at you anymore, no more snapping at you or your mom," I told him. I wanted to offer them more, but wasn't sure what I had.

"Okay," he nodded and then kissed me on the cheek. "Love you, Daddy Derek."

"I love you too, Dillon," I ruffled his hair.

"Dill," Meredith said from behind me, "why don't you go upstairs and get ready for bed?" He nodded and ran upstairs. "Sorry," she smiled. "We ate a couple of hours ago. I wasn't sure if..."

"It's okay, I should have been here earlier," I shrugged, kissing her quickly again.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "I could make you something really quick."

"That would be nice. Did you eat with Dill? Really eat?" I asked her, my fight with Addison coming back to me.

"What do you mean, really eat?" she laughed. "I ate a peanut butter sandwich and some carrots."

"Make yourself something too," I told her. "We're not losing that baby."

"Derek, I'm fine," she rolled her eyes. "Really."

"According to Addison you're losing weight, so please eat something. I have enough to worry about, I don't need to worry about you and our baby too," I told her, trying my best to keep my voice gentle. I promised not to snap.

"I've just lost a couple of pounds," she shrugged. "The baby's fine. I'm fine. Turkey or ham for your sandwich?"

"Turkey. And a couple of pounds is a big deal. You're not supposed to be losing weight when you're pregnant," I argued. "Make yourself a sandwhich."

"You're so bossy," she sighed as she started making a sandwich. "How's your mom doing?"

"As well as can be expected. She's scared but she won't talk to any of us," I frowned.

"She's a strong woman," Meredith said. "Very strong. And very proud."

"And not that easy to take care of. She wants to do this all alone," I sighed.

"She's lucky to have a son like you," Meredith came over with my sandwich, setting it down in front of me and kissing me quickly.

"And I'm lucky to have you. Sorry I've been an ass," I half smiled at her.

"It's fine," she shrugged. "You have your reasons. And anyway," she grinned, climbing into my lap and straddling me. "You've been one hell of a sexy ass."

"Meredith," I sighed into her hair. It felt good to be like this again, to have an iota of normalcy for a second. But it just wasn't the right time. "You know I love you, but not tonight."

"That's what you've been saying for the past two months," she groaned as she leaned forward to kiss me, her fingers tangling themselves in my disheveled hair.

"I know, Mer. I'm just so...I can't. I promise I'll make this up to you," I whispered into her neck.

"Der," she moaned as she started trailing kisses down my neck.

The kisses felt good, they always felt good. And for a second I was tempted to give in, to let her have her way with me. But I was too exhausted to enjoy it, too exhausted to reciprocate. I gently pushed her away. "Not tonight."

The hurt was evident in her eyes as she stared at me. "Why not?" she asked, sounding a little bit like Dillon.

"Mer, don't do this," I said shaking my head. "I'm tired, it's been a long day. And I'm worried about my mom and you. I just can't."

"Fine," she climbed off my lap. "Don't forget to put your dish in the sink." She turned on her heel and headed upstairs, presumably to tuck Dillon in.

Apparently nothing I did tonight was right. I wanted to spend time with them, I wanted to fix things. And I wanted to be that Derek that would have taken Meredith up on her offer and taken her right on the kitchen counter. I didn't want to be sad, I didn't want to piss my girlfriend off. And yet somehow I couldn't manage to make things right. I sighed as I finished my sandwich and took the dish to the sink, washing it and putting it in the dishwasher before turning off all the lights and heading upstairs. I stopped by Dillon's room to peek my head in at the sleeping boy, who had kicked his covers off already. I re-covered him and then moved to my own room. It was dark and I could only just make out Meredith's shape on the bed.

"Mer?" I whispered, to no response. She was either asleep or avoiding me. I would bet money on the latter. I didn't bother turning on the light and just slipped out of my clothes, pulling on the boxers and tshirt that I knew Meredith would have left on the bed for me. I slipped under the covers and pulled Meredith close, relieved when she didn't squirm away.

It took forever for me to fall asleep, but once I actually did, it was a deep sleep that my body had been begging for the past two months. It was entirely dreamless and uninterrupted at least until around three thirty when I felt someone shaking me. "Derek. Derek," Meredith hissed as she shook my shoulder. "Derek!"

"Hmmm?" I groaned, trying to open my eyes but apparently they wanted to stay asleep.

"Derek, wake up," she said. "Derek."

"What's wrong?" I whispered coming a little more awake now as I noticed the urgency in her tone. "Is it the baby?"

"Yeah," she nodded in the dark.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked, fumbling around in the dark to find the lamp switch, my brain wide awake but my body still half asleep.

"She moved," Meredith whispered, pride creeping into her voice.

"What? She...what?" I sputtered, my brain not quite registering what she was saying.

"She moved," Meredith repeated as she grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly.

I felt a slight ripple in her stomach and a smile stretched across my face. For the first time in two months I felt truly happy, truly at peace and where I was supposed to be. "Wow, Mer."

"I know," she giggled. "I had been feeling bubbles in my stomach for a few days, but this, this was different. She's actually kicking."

"It's amazing," I whispered. "It's our little girl."

"Or boy," she suddenly giggled as we both felt another ripple.

I laughed for what felt like the first time in ages, and leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. "I love you, Ms. Grey."

"I love you too, Dr. Shepherd," she smiled and then moved my hand over just in time to feel a third ripple. "She's active."

"We'll have another little hellion on our hands," I laughed, rubbing her stomach.

"I think so," she laughed. "Wait until I tell your sisters. And your mom. They've been asking me for weeks now if I've felt anything."

Mention of my mom brought me crashing back down to earth. This was another milestone my mom had made it too, but it made me worry about how many she could possibly miss. I smiled sadly, reaching back to turn off the light and pulled Mer close again. "I'm happy she kicked," I told her, my voice sounding sad again.

"Derek?" she whispered, concern edging into her voice as she tried to pull my hand back down to her stomach.

I moved my hand instead to the soft curve of her hip. "I'm fine," I whispered.

"No, no you're not," she turned onto her other side to face me.

"My mom might not be around to ever meet this grandchild, " I whispered, the late hour making my words flow easily.

"Oh, Derek," Meredith murmured and then kissed me softly. "She will. I know she will. She's going to be fine."

I tried to regain the smile of minutes before but it was gone. "Can we just go back to bed?" I asked.

"Derek, I'm," she stared at me, and I could see that her eyes were filled with tears. "I love you."

"I love you too. I love you so much," I told her, pulling her closer to me.

"I'm here, you know," she said softly. "When, if...I'm here."

"I know," I nodded. Because I did know. "Thank you."

She sighed as she cuddled further into my chest, one hand on her stomach, the other on her head. "Derek."

"Yeah?" I whispered.

She laid there for a moment, not saying anything and then finally shaking her head. "Nothing. Nothing. Just, go back to sleep."

"What is it?" I urged on, knowing she would toss and turn all night.

"I don't want to worry you," she said, a little snidely.

"Mer..." I warned her gently.

"What?" she sighed. "You have enough things and...I'm sorry. Never mind."

"Meredith, what is it?" I asked.

"Nothing, just forget it," she got out of the embrace and got out of bed, heading to the bathroom.

I sighed and jumped up following her. Something about this time had peaked my interest. "Mer, talk to me."

"No," she sighed, her shoulders shaking slightly.

"Mer," I whispered, truly concerned now as I pulled her into my arms.

"Be happy," she suddenly pleaded. "Be happy that our daughter just kicked for the first time. Can't you at least fake happiness for that?"

I had never felt so bad in my life. "Mer, I am happy. In that moment when she kicked, I haven't been that happy in 2 months. And I am happy. With you, and Dillon and the kicking baby. I couldn't ask for anything more. It's the rest of my life that's messed up. But this...this is still perfect."

She looked up at me and then shook her head. "I almost believed you, Derek," she sighed as she went back to our room, grabbing her pillow. I'm going to sleep downstairs."

"Mer," I pleaded, making a move to follow her.

"No," she shook her head. "Please...not tonight, Derek."

I nodded slowly. "I love you."

"I know," she nodded and then sighed, the tears splashing down her cheeks now. "I'm sorry, Derek. I'm sorry. I'm an awful girlfriend."

"God no, Mer. You've been amazing. More than I could ever dream of," I smiled.

"Let's just go to bed," she sighed as she walked back towards the bed, throwing the pillow down before lying down herself.

I went and joined her, laying down beside her and wrapping my arms around her, letting my hands rest on her belly. I didn't want them there, not now, but I had a feeling Meredith needed them there. "I'm sorry," I whispered, kissing her neck. "God, I'm sorry."

_Hate me for all the things I couldn't do for you..._


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy the only thing that would kill Meredith is having too much sex with a certain wet knight in shining whatever.**

I was tired, I was exhausted. Life wasn't supposed to be this hard, there was no way life was supposed to be this hard. I was trying my best for everyone, my mom, my sisters, Mer and Dillon. And I was tired. My mom looked at me like it was the last ime she'd ever see me. My sisters looked at me like they were expecting me to know exactly what to do. And Meredith looked at me like she was just waiting for me to break. I couldn't take it anymore. I sat in my mom's room, holding her hand as the nurses checked her vitals, trying my absolute hardest to smile at her. She looked as bad as I felt, though I knew she was worse. The chemo was taking its toll. Her hair was gone, she was always nauseous, and I had spent more nights than I cared to count applying cold compresses to her forehead as she vomited. I was ready to fall apart. But I couldn't, not yet. Because my mom needed me to be strong, she needed someone there for her, completely taking care of her and watching out for her. My sisters needed me to be the glue that held this all together. I had grown up as the man of the house, and right now that's what I needed to be again. So I ignored the urge to fall apart.

"How's my favorite Shepherd?" Mark came in, flashing a smile to my mom as he came over to kiss her on the forehead.

"I'm fine," my mom answered, sounding tired.

"You look beautiful," he smiled to her. "When are they letting you out of here?"

"I don't know, Addison's supposed to talk to Derek later today about it," she answered.

"Speaking of Derek," Mark looked at me and then looked down at his watch, "what time is Meredith's appointment today?"

"Shit," I said looking at mine, "Five minutes ago. I have to go," I said, quickly jumping and giving my mom a quick kiss.

"Are you finding out the sex today?" Mom asked, a weak smile on her face.

"I think so, as long as the baby cooperates," I smiled back.

"Come back and tell me if I'm getting another granddaughter," she squeezed my hand.

"I will," I nodded, heading out the door and down to Addison's office to meet Meredith. She'd be fine, she'd understand my lateness, she'd get it. Meredith was good at getting it right now, she didn't push, she didn't yell. Me being late was bad, and I felt like an ass for nearly forgetting, but Mer would be fine. That was my Meredith, she was strong, she was good at being fine.

I ran to Addison's office and found it empty, a small groan escaping my lips. "Dr. Shepherd?" Debbie asked.

"Debbie, do you know where Dr. Montgomery and her patient?" I asked.

"Exam room 10," she replied.

"Thank you," I breathed, rushing to the room.

I opened the door to find Meredith already on the table, Addison preparing the ultrasound machine. "You're here," Meredith smiled at me, reaching out her hand.

"Sorry I'm late," I told her, grabbing her hand and gently squeezing it.

"It's fine," she shrugged. "You missed the boring stuff."

'I shouldn't have," I told her, meaning the words. I didn't want to miss any of this.

"It's fine," she repeated. "You can miss me getting weighed and having an exam. You're here for the important part."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I told her, kissing her forehead.

"All right," Addison smiled at Meredith, "we're all set up. Are we going to find out the sex today?"

"Yeah," Meredith said, smiling up at me. "I mean, if it's possible. If you can tell us, we want to know."

"Well, let's see if this one cooperates," Addison nodded as she smeared the gel on Meredith's stomach before running the probe over my girlfriend's rounded belly. "There we go. Everything's looking good."

"Can you see the sex?" I asked, surprised at the excitement in my voice.

Addison watched the screen closely. "There's a foot," she said softly, pointing to the screen. "And she seems to be sucking her thumb."

"She? It's a girl?" Meredith said, crushing my hand.

"Yep," Addison nodded. "A healthy baby girl."

Tears flooded my eyes, happy tears. "Mer, we're having a baby girl," I whispered, kissing the hand that was linked with my own.

"We are," she nodded as she stared at the screen. "She's so small."

"She's beautiful," I breathed. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen and the tiny image moving on it. That was my daughter, my baby girl.

"She's okay?" Meredith asked Addison, trying to hold back her own tears as she squeezed my hand.

"She looks great, Meredith," Addison smiled. "I'll step outside and give you a few minutes alone."

The door closed softly behind her and Meredith turned to me, tears streaming down her face. "A girl," she cried, putting her forehead against mine. "A baby girl."

I pressed my lips gently against hers, running my fingers through her hair. "Daddy's little princess," I smiled.

"Dillon's going to be a big brother," she breathed. "It's all so real, Derek. She's there. She's really there."

"She really is," I said staring at her belly. It was the perfect belly. I looked back at her tear stained face. "God, Mer, you're beautiful."

"Really?" she whispered, her eyes shining. "Because lately..."

"I know, Mer," I whispered back. "My life is crazy right now, but you will never stop being beautiful to me. I will never stop loving you."

"I was starting to worry," she breathed, gripping my hand, "you never seem to want to feel her. I was starting to worry. That you wouldn't love her."

My heart tightened in my chest. "Mer, she's my princess, I adore her already. I love her, I love Dillon and I love you. I'm just...there's so much going on, everything just seems to hurt right now."

"I know," she nodded. "I know. But you love her. It's okay now. We're having a baby girl. A little girl."

"We are," I smiled. "We need to think of names. And paint her nursery. And buy her stuff, she's going to need stuff. And we need to tell Dillon, tell him about his baby sister."

"Not pink," Meredith laughed lightly. "My daughter won't have a pink nursery."

"I wouldn't dream of it," I laughed. "Lavender?"

"Maybe," Meredith stared at the screen. "Yellow?"

"Yellow sounds nice," I nodded, my own eyes going back to the screen.

"It's neutral," she whispered. "That way, when the next one comes, we won't have to repaint."

"You want a next one?" I smiled at her widely.

"Right now," she smiled, "right now, I want so many more. I want our daughter and Dillon to have siblings. I may change my mind when she's born though."

"No, no mind changing. We're having lots of babies, I'm holding you to that," I laughed.

"We have to tell Dillon tonight," she grinned. "When you get home tonight. We'll tell him."

"We will. I'll pick up some sparkling grape juice, we can celebrate," I said kissing her quickly.

"I love you," she started crying again. "I love you."

"I love you too," I told her, my voice shaky as I blinked back my own tears. "I love you. If I didn't have you...if I didn't have our family I wouldn't be able to get through this. I love you."

She nodded, reaching up to kiss me just as Addison came in. "Sorry to interrupt," she smiled. "I can make you a video, if you'd like?"

"If we said no, Dillon would never let us hear the end of it," I laughed, squeezing Meredith's hand again.

Addison smiled. "I can do that. Everything looks good, Mer. Though, you know about my concerns."

"I know, Addison, and I'm trying my best. We're trying our best, Life isn't easy right now," Meredith sighed.

"Your blood pressure, Meredith," Addison shook her head. "If you don't get it under control, you could end up dead. I'm not trying to scare you. You need to relax."

"Mom's sick, it's kind of hard to relax," Meredith groaned.

Addison nodded and squeezed her hand. "Your number one priority needs to be your health, Meredith. And your baby's health."

"I know and I'm trying. I'm eating better and I've been sleeping more," Meredith argued.

Addison looked up at me and then back down to Meredith. "Your weight is still a little on the low side, Meredith."

"I'm trying, Addison. I eat when I can. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do," Meredith said, tears coming to her eyes.

"Relax," Addison said softly. "Let Derek take care of you. More home cooked meals and less hurried snacks at work and while you're putting Dillon to bed."

"I'll take care of it," I nodded, squeezing her hand, running through my head exactly where I would find time to take care of this. But I couldn't loose them too.

"Okay," Addison nodded. "I'll see you next month, Meredith. Any questions or concerns, you call me, okay?"

"Yep," Meredith nodded.

"Good," Addison smiled. "And congratulations you two. Derek, when you're done here, I need to speak to you." She squeezed Meredith's hand again and then went out the door.

"Mer, we talked about this, you have to eat," I told her, helping her off the table.

"I try," she argued. "But I don't have a lot of time at work and then I get home and Dillon has homework and he wants to sign up for soccer now."

"Try harder," I ordered, immediately regretting the harsh tone when her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Mer. I'm going to try to be home more, to do a better job taking care of you."

"But Mom," she sighed.

"I know," I sighed, kissing her quickly. "I'll figure it out. But I can't risk loosing you or my princess either."

"Your princess," she sighed and kissed me deeply. "I should go. I need to get back to work. I'll see you tonight?"

"I'll be there," I smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, a huge grin still on her face.

"I'm sorry, you know. This should be the happiest time of our lives, I'm sorry it isn't," I smiled sadly at her.

"Not your fault," she told me, her hand on her belly. "We're having a baby girl, Derek."

"We are," I smiled and kissed her again. "I should go find Addison, see what it is she wants to talk to me about."

"Okay," she nodded and then kissed me. "Bye. See you tonight."

"Bye," I said, walking out of the room and in search of Addison, wondering what was up and hoping it wasn't something bad. I was happy, Meredith and I were having a baby girl and I was happy. For the first time in months, I almost felt like my old self. I didn't want bad news.

"Derek," Addison came out of her office. "We need to talk. Do you want to come in?"

"Okay," I asked. Now I was worried, Addie wasn't one to have talks in offices. If she wanted to yell at me about Meredith she'd do it in the hallway. Something was up.

"Sit down," she sighed, waving her hand towards one of her chairs as she sat down in her own.

"What's up?" I asked, slidding into the seat.

"I hate to do this to you today of all days," she sighed. "This it the happiest I've seen you in two and a half months."

"It's the happiest I've been in two and a half months. What's wrong?" I asked, concern deep in my voice.

"Before the appointment with Meredith, I spoke to your mom's oncologist," she began.

I nodded slowly. "And?"

"We ran some tests a couple of days ago," she stated. "And got the results today. It's not good."

"Addison, what are you saying?" my voice cracked.

"It's spread," she stated. "The cancer. Has spread. We still have options, Derek. But, I think your family needs to start preparing."

I leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes to hold back the tears I felt pooling there. I wish Meredith hadn't gone back to work, that she had stayed with me. I needed her. "Addison, how bad?"

"We're going to upgrade her to Stage four," Addison replied. "It has spread past her lymph nodes, there are some signs that her lungs are becoming infected. We can peform more surgery, double up the chemo and radiation, but, right now, it doesn't look good."

I shook my head quicky, this coudn't be happening, not today, not when I has just found out that I was going to have a little girl. This couldn't be happening. "You...you have to do what

"We're trying," Addison stood up and sat down in the chair next to me, taking my hand. "I'm sorry, Derek. You know how this is. If we had caught it a little earlier, started treatment a little earlier."

"I...I don't know why she let it get to bad," I whispered, squeezing her hand and wishing it was Meredith's. "She should...she should have...my dad did this, he didn't worry about it...he was...he was good and then he wasn't..and then we...we lost him. How could she do this?"

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "We're going to let her go home for a little bit, recuperate, build strength. And then we're going to go for a second round."

"Okay," I nodded, wiping my eyes and pulling myself together. Now wasn't the time to fall apart, later, I could fall apart later. When people didn't need me to be strong anymore, when it was just me and Meredith. "I should go tell her."

"You should," she nodded, standing up. "I'm sorry, Derek. I didn't want to tell you today. But it had to be said. I don't know how much time we have."

"Thanks, thanks for telling me. I needed to know, I need to take care of this," I nodded standing up as well.

"Okay," she nodded and then stepped forward to give me a hug. "God, Derek, you have no idea how sorry I am. I know how much you love her."

"She's my mom," I told her as I pulled away. "I need to go do this."

"Okay."

I didn't bother saying goodbye, just stalked off. My mom was dying. I don't care what else Addison said, she had said to prepare fo the worst, I was a doctor, I knew what that meant. If my mom had done something earlier this wouldn't be happening. Breast cancer is easy to beat, people beat it all the time. When they don't ignore it. And yet after my dad, she had still let it get this bad.  
I stalked off to my mom's room, pushing through people, not bothering to be kind or nice. I didn't care about manners. My mother was dying. My mother was dying and it was her fault. It was her fault for not going to the doctor. For not talking to us. She had raised five doctors, six technically. She knew what happened when someone put off doctors visits. She had lost her husband because of it.

And yet she had put it off, waiting until it was too bad for any of us to do anything. I walked into the room to find Mark still perched on the bed, laughing along with something my mom has said. I breathed deeply. "How could you do this to us?" I hissed in greeting.

"Derek?" she asked, her eyes wide. "What's the matter? Is Meredith all right?"

"Meredith is fine. It's you that you should be worried about," I said, turning around and pacing around the room.

"Derek," Mark said, grasping my mom's hand.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I couldn't exactly yell at my mom the news that there was a very good chance that she could die. "The cancer spread mom, the damn cancer spread."

She nodded sadly. "I had a feeling."

"Mom! You know what happened with dad, you were there. You lost your husband because he ignored the symptoms. How the hell could you let it get this bad? How could you risk your own life like that?" I yelled. The fact my mom had a feeling it was bad just about killed me.

"Derek, I, I just thought it was something that would resolve itself," she whispered.

"Cancer doesn't resolve itself Mom! It's cancer. It kills people, it killed Dad," I shouted.

"I'm sorry," she stated.

"Mom, I'm finally happy. I finally found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm finally have a child of my own, a little beautiful girl. And there's an amazingly huge chance you're going to miss it. Sorry doesn't cut it," I whispered, my tone harsh, but I didn't care.

"It's a girl?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"Yes, Mom, it's a girl. Not that that makes much of a difference right now," I shook my head

"Derek," she smiled. "A little girl. My tenth grand daughter."

"And because you were too stubborn to get checked out you might never meet her," I whispered. I knew it was harsh, but watching my mom cry over my daughter, the one she might never meet, was too much. It was her fault she might miss it.

"Derek, please," she pleaded.

"Mom!" I yelled. "You don't get it. You're dying. We're going to loose you. You might never see your 10th grandchild. Because of your stupid decision. Because you only thought of yourself. Because you were too scared. Mom, this is your fault!"

"Hey!" Mark suddenly stood up and slammed me against the wall, his entire body shaking. "She doesn't need this shit right now, Derek. Not now. What the hell is the matter with you?"

I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. "What's the matter with me? My mom's dying. I should be happy right now, but I can't be because she's dying. Because she didn't get checked out."

"You're going to blame her for this?" he growled and then grabbed my arm, dragging me out of the room and slamming me against the wall in the hallway, people turning to stare. "Damn it, Derek, I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm sick of you moping around like you're the only damn person suffering here."

"You have no idea what I'm going through!" I yelled at him.

"She's my mother too, Derek!" he yelled. "She fucking raised me! My mom wouldn't even look at me after my dad left and your mom took care of me. She raised me. So I get that you're angry. And I get that you're really upset right now. But you can't blame her for this. You can't yell at her. She's trying to fight this. She's trying and you can't fucking act like she's not!"

"I know she's trying, I know that Mark! But where does that leave me? I'm trying too. People need me, everyone needs me, I'm trying to hold this all together. I'm trying to take care of everyone and it's fucking hard!" I yelled, pushing him off of me.

"Derek, you're not God," he said, coming right back at me. "You can't change this situation. And you can't keep acting like everyone is putting this all on you. We've all offered to help, Derek. All of us. We've all offered to spend the night with her so that you can go home to your pregnant girlfriend and your son. But you refuse. You refuse and you're going to lose the greatest thing that has ever happened to you if you continue!"

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not loosing Meredith, she gets this. God, she's the only person who gets this right now," I yelled.

"Have you looked at her?" he suddenly lowered his voice. "She looks like she's going to fall over at any minute. She's trying to hold it all together. She's trying to act like she gets this. But she's not eating, Derek. She's not eating. She's not sleeping. God, Dillon thinks you don't love him anymore. What the hell are you trying to prove with this big guy act of yours?"

"I'm trying to save my mom! I'm trying to save my family!" I yelled.

"You can't save her, Derek!" he yelled back. "You can't save Mom. I can't save her. But she wants you to be with Meredith. You're going to kill her, if you don't go to her, Derek. You need to do something. You've become someone I don't even know. This isn't Derek Shepherd. Derek Shepherd would never do this."

Anger drained out of me, replaced with concern. Meredith had seemed fine to me, not great, but fine. I assumed it was stress from my mom's situation, but that she was handling it. I thought Meredith was okay. "Meredith...do you think she's that bad?"

"God, Derek," Mark shook his head, "I went to the house the other night while you were with Mom. I went to visit Dillon. Meredith could barely stand up."

"God, how did I miss this?" I asked him, rubbing my hands through my hair. "How did I miss what was happening to her?"

"She was trying to be strong," he said, putting his hand gently on my shoulder. "She was trying to be strong for you. And really, she's a strong person. But the baby has been taking a lot out of her. I had to carry her upstairs to bed. And for a woman who is five and a half months pregnant, she was ridiculously light."

"I have to go home, I have to go home and take care of her. Make her supper, put Dillon to bed. I need to go," I sighed. How the hell did I miss this with Meredith? I went to bed beside her almost every night and somehow I had missed her falling apart.

"Yeah, you do," he nodded. "And you might want to consider apologizing to Mom."

I nodded in return. "When the hell did you get so smart?"

He shrugged. "I'm seeing someone."

I gave him a strange look, but decided to ignore the comment for now. Mark didn't need me right now. Meredith did. And my mom. So I walked back into her room, ignoring the smug grin on Mark's face. "Sorry, Mom," I told her sounding rather lame.

"It's fine, honey," she whispered. "You're worried. But, Derek, you don't need to be here all the time. You don't have to be the man of the house all the time."

"I know, I know. I have to get home to Mer, but I'll come by and see you tomorrow, okay?" I smiled slightly.

"Okay," she nodded. "And Derek, I really am sorry."

"I know you are, Mom. I love you," I said.

"I love you too," she smiled. "Now go home to Meredith and my grand daughter."

"I'm going," I smiled, heading out the door. I needed to be home, I needed to watch out for Meredith. She wasn't doing this alone, not anymore. There was no way I could risk loosing her or the baby, it was a non-option. I needed them.

_In a little while, this hurt will hurt no more, I'll be home, love..._


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: If we owned the show, we wouldn't be spending this week randomly crying at the drop of a hat.**

The only thing going through my mind the entire drive home was Mark's words. That I could kill Mer if I didn't go to her. That I could lose her. And the baby. It made me drive like a madman, a complete and total madman. How I didn't get pulled over would confuse me for the rest of my life. I was a block from home when I remembered Mark saying Mer wasn't eating and decided to stop at the super market to pick up ingredients for dinner.

It was a mad dash inside the supermarket, running through aisles, trying to get out as fast as possible as I grabbed the best steaks I could find and all of Meredith's other favourites. Part of me knew rushing wasn't necessary, that after nearly 3 months of being an ass a couple of minutes wouldn't make that big of difference but that didn't matter. I needed to get home right now. I paid quickly, more than likely giving the cashier at least fifty dollars more than necessary and got in my car, completing the drive in record time. I frowned as I noticed Mer's car in the driveway, she was supposed to be at work. Suddenly, my heart rate tripled at the thought that something could be the matter and I didn't even turn off the engine as I ran into our house, my entire body tense. And I found Meredith curled in a ball on the couch, sound asleep. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her body looked tense, even though she was sound asleep. She shifted, snorting slightly and I laughed gently. "Mer?"

"Hmmm," she groaned, her eyes still closed. I took this opportunity to look at her, really look at her for the first time in nearly three months. She had dark circles under eyes, her face was gaunt, and she just looked completely and totally exhausted. And sick. The guilt magnified as I knelt on my knees, running my fingers through her hair.

"Mer, wake up," I whispered gently pressing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"What?" she mumbled. "Why?" And then suddenly, her eyes flew open and she sat up quickly. "Shit, what time is it? I can't believe I forgot to pick up Dillon. Lucas is going to kill me."

"Mer, relax, Dill's not out of school for another two hours," I said, gripping her tiny shoulders in my hands. They felt tinier than I remembered. "I thought you were working."

"Oh," she breathed, "I took the day off. I just...I needed...time."

I moved my hand to her cheek, cupping her face gently and looking deeply into her exhausted eyes. "I'm sorry, Meredith. I am so sorry."

"For what?" she whispered, her eyes already starting to close again.

"For not being here, for leaving you and Dillon alone when I promised I wouldn't. For leaving you to be the strong one. For not noticing how bad things were getting. I'm sorry for everything," I said, feeling a tear trace down my cheek.

"Derek, it's fine," she shrugged, though I could see the lie in her eyes.

"No Meredith, it's not. You look like you're ready to drop," I sighed, rubbing her cheek slightly.

She sighed a little, leaning her face towards my touch, her eyes closing a bit. "I am," she finally whispered so quietly I could barely hear her.

I closed my eyes tightly, urging the tears back. "I should have been here," I whispered, my voice sounding rough.

"Yeah, you should have been," she stated firmly.

She nodded and sighed. "Derek, your family, I understand they're important. And I tried to understand that you were busy. And I tried to be strong. I did. I've been pregnant before. And I had my friends then. But they thought I had you so they haven't been as involved this time and I just felt like I was...I don't know...I felt like I was in a room screaming at you and you wouldn't even look at me."

"My family is important, and you're part of my family. You and Dillon and the baby are my family. I'm sorry I stopped looking. I'm looking now," I told her, surprised at the steadiness in my voice.

"You can't do this again," she told me. "You can't just turn away. You can't."

I pulled her into my arms now, holding her close to me. I hated how fragile she felt, how tiny and small. She should have been soft with the extra weight of pregnancy and it was my fault she wasn't. "I won't."

"And the thing is," she said thoughtfully, "I couldn't be angry at you. It wasn't like you had left me. You were here. You were still here. You just weren't paying attention."

"I know, Mer. I thought I was, I really thought I was giving you enough. I was so caught up in my family, everything else fell away," I sighed.

"And that's another reason I couldn't be mad at you," she was starting to cry now. "It's your mom, Derek. I can't compete with your mom having cancer."

"You don't have to," I whispered holding her closer. "I...I'm going to figure out a way to fit you both in."

"I'm just so damn tired," she cried into my shoulder. "I can't sleep at night because all I can think is that you're holding me out of obligation. I mean, Derek, you tensed up when I put your hands on my stomach. You didn't want to feel the baby moving. How the hell was I supposed to take that? I just don't sleep anymore."

"I couldn't...I couldn't...I love our daughter, I can't wait to meet our daughter. But god, I'm terrified my mom will never meet her. And I want my mom to meet her. Your stomach, it hurt Mer. To think my mom may never see the beautiful grandchild we made together," I said through my own tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"What? You have nothing to be sorry for. You've been perfect, you've been my rock," I told her.

"Derek, there were moments," she sobbed, "moments when I hated your mother. And I hated myself for even thinking it."

"Oh Mer," I hugged her even closer. "I'm so sorry, I never meant for things to get this bad. I never meant to put her first."

"No, you had to," she gasped as her sobbing became worse. "She's your mom. She has cancer."

"No," I shook my head quickly. "She's my mom. And you're the mother of my child and the woman I'm going to marry."

Her entire body shook as she sobbed, her breaths coming in deep gasps. "I...I...I," she gasped.

"Shhhh, shhhh..." I muttered against her hair. "Breathe, you have to breathe. My baby girl needs air, you need to breathe."

"I can't," she shook against my body. "I...I...can't."

"It's okay," I breathed against her. "It's okay. I'm here, I've got you."

"Don't," she sobbed. "Don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere," I said firmly, rubbing a hand up and down her back, doing my best to calm her down.

"I...I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," I ordered her gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I have everything to be sorry for. My family means the world to me, but so do you."

In a few seconds, her breathing became more even and she fell against me, her body finally relaxing. "I'm okay," she whimpered.

"You're okay," I nodded.

"Tired," she admitted, a small smile on her lips.

"I know," I said, kissing her quickly. "You definitely have to start getting more sleep, we both do."

She pulled away a little bit, looking into my eyes. "What did Addison say to you today?" she asked. "After I left."

I took a deep breath, I didn't want to tell her, not today, not when she was so broken. But I needed to tell her, I needed her to know. "The...the cancer spread, it doesn't...things don't look good."

"Oh, Der," she breathed, pulling me close to her for a hug, her small belly in the way of us fully touching. "I wish I knew what to say to you. I'm sorry."

"Just...don't go anywhere. I need you, we need each other," I whispered into her hair, letting tears fall onto her soft neck.

"Where would I go?" she laughed shakily. "With a six year old and an unborn daughter?"

"A man would be crazy not to want you," I laughed back.

We sat there for a moment, holding each other close. "Der?"

"Yeah?" I asked gently.

"When your mom said she had cancer," she started, speaking carefully, "Erin said something about your dad. About how your mom should have known better. Why did she say that?"

I sighed deeply. I had never meant to not tell Meredith this story, I just never talked about it. Ever. "When I was 10 my dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He was gone within a month. The doctors...the doctors said if he had come earlier they could have caught it, could have saved him. But he...he ignored the symptoms, he acted like nothing was wrong until it was too late."

"Oh," she breathed. "And now your mom..."

"Did almost the exact same thing," I nodded.

She took my hand and squeezed it tightly before bringing it to her belly. "Your mom," she said, "your mom will be okay, Der."

"I hope so," I whispered, rubbing her stomach gently. "It's just...I'm supposed to take care of her, that's my job. It's been my job since I was 10, to take care of her and the rest of them. I'm the man of the house. I walked my sisters down the aisle when they got married. I take care of them. And right now, right now I'm useless."

"Derek, you're not useless," she shook her head. "You're getting her the best care possible. You're sticking by her. You love her."

"But that's not enough to save her. She could die, Mer, and there's nothing I can do," I whispered.

She ran her fingers through my hair, kissing me on the forehead, "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry you have to do this again."

"I have you this time," I smiled softly at her.

"A lot of help I am," she smiled back.

"Mer, you're the only reason I'm still standing. Your tiny hand squeezes, your slight hugs, just having you here, it's the only reason I'm still standing. You hold me together. You're all I have," I told her.

"Derek," she started and then stopped.

"Mer," I gently urged her to continue. "No more not talking, no more silences."

"If you want," she said after a moment. "If you want, we can name our baby after your mom. Or her middle name. Or something. Just in case...just in case something happens. Or even if something doesn't happen. If you want that is. If it would be too painful, we don't have to. It's only a suggestion. That's it. And I need to shut up now, I'm rambling."

Tears rushed back to my eyes as I looked at the completely entirely remarkable woman in front of me. I wondered what I had done in a past life that had brought her to me. "Meredith Grey, you are...I can't...there aren't words. I love you, god I love you. And...middle name, middle name would be nice."  
"I love you too," she whispered and then laughed a little.

"I've missed that laugh. I've missed you," I told her, realizing it for the first time. She had been there, but I hadn't. And I missed this, I needed this.

"Me too," she said. "And Der, I think your car is still running."

"Shit," I said moving from the couch. "I saw your car here, and I thought maybe something was wrong. I panicked and...I'll be right back," I tried to explain, turning to head outside.

"Okay," she giggled and then got up, following softly behind me. I couldn't help smiling. I hadn't noticed that things had been off between us but now that we were back, I felt it. Something felt right in the world. It felt like I was back where I belonged, like I wasn't alone anymore. And I honestly wondered how everything had turned into such a mess in the first place. "Groceries?" she asked as she came up behind me.

"Yeah," I smiled. "You, Ms. Grey have not been eating. So tonight you're being treated to a feast."

"Who says I haven't been eating?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Addison. Mark. Everyone. Besides, I just held you, Mer. I can tell you haven't been eating," I told her.

"Mark," she nodded. "He was here the other night. He tried to force feed me."

"He was worried about you," I said, wrapping an arm around her. "You're family."

"He's dating someone," she suddenly said, a smile on her face.

"So he told me. Do you have any idea who?" I asked her.

"None," she shook her head. "But Dillon asked him if they could go cruising for girls and Mark told him that he was never going to cruise for girls again."

"What?" I asked, entirely stopped in my tracks. "Mark? Mark said they were never going cruising for girls again?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He was completely serious too. It was weird. He wasn't Mark. Or at least, not the Mark I first met. He didn't even innocently flirt with me. And he kept checking his phone."

"How did I not know this? Mark? My best friend, basically brother Mark met his Meredith and I missed it?" I said, staring straight ahead.

She squeezed my arm gently. "I don't think he wants anyone to know right now," she said comfortingly. "I honestly think he feels a little guilty about it. Because of Mom."

I smiled wildly. "He's never going to hear the end of this, you know that right?"

"Leave the poor man alone," she laughed. "He's been good to me. And to Dillon."

I frowned slightly thinking of how I had been so awful to them. But that had been discussed. I apologized. And now I had to make things right. "Speaking of Dill, I'll pick him up at school."

"You don't have to, Der," she shook her head. "I'll do it. You need sleep and he's so talkative right after school."

"Good, I want him talkative. I have a lot to make up for to that kid. And you need sleep more than I do," I told her.

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"Your mom is being stubborn again," I said, looking down at her stomach.

"Are you talking to my stomach?' she laughed.

"No, I'm talking to my daughter, she just happens to be in your stomach," I shrugged.

She giggled a little at that and put her hand on her belly, resting it there. "Really, Derek, I'm fine. I got a nap in this afternoon. And Dill will need help with his homework. And that takes hours. Because he stalls. You don't have to do anything. Really."

"Meredith, I am picking up our son at school. And then we are coming home and doing his homework together, while I cook supper and you sleep. After homework you will have your feast and then we will put our son to bed. And after that, well maybe a bit of fun, if you're up for it," I winked, suddenly feeling the urge to have her under me. Or over me.

"We have to tell him about his new baby sister," she reminded me gently, a huge smile on her face.

"Over the feast," I told her. "I brought the sparkling grape juice."

"I should warn you," she sighed. "Mark did do some damage when he was here."

"What did that idiot do now?" I asked.

"He convinced Dill that a brother would be ten times cooler than a sister," Meredith laughed. "And now he's back to referring to her as a he."

"So all that wonderful work I did with the help of my mom, that very important work is all erased," I groaned. "I swear God put Mark on this earth just to complicate my life."

"Probably," Meredith giggled and then yawned deeply, swaying a bit.

"You. Bed. Now. I have to go get Dill, and I expect you to be sleeping when we get home," I told her, kissing her cheek quickly.

"Derek, I'm fine," she insisted as she steadied herself against the kitchen counter.

"Meredith, you're barely standing. Go upstairs and get some sleep or else I will carry you upstairs," I demanded softly.

"You might have to," she murmured.

It didn't take another word, I crossed the kitchen and swept her into my arms, laughing softly at her lack of protest. I walked her upstairs and she was out by the time we reached our room, snoring gently in her sleep as I laid her onto the bed. "I love you, Meredith Grey," I whispered.

I watched her sleep for a moment, kicking myself for almost losing her. This was my Meredith. The love of my life. The mother of my unborn daughter. The woman I was going to marry. How the hell could I be so damn stupid? I sighed and kissed her softly on the lips and then turned to go pick up our son at school.

I hummed along with The Clash the entire way there. I hummed. I had forgotten what this felt like, being happy. And part of me felt guilty, because my mom was sick, really sick. But she wanted this, she wanted me to be with my family. She wanted me to be happy. And I was, because Meredith and I, we were back. And she was sleeping, finally sleeping and I was going to see Dillon. I pulled up to the school and waited in line with the other parents for the kids to be released from class. Dillon was one of the first kids out, searching the line of cars for a familiar one. I climbed out of my car and waved to him, frowning at his lack of reaction. "Hi, Derek," he said softly as he came toward me.

"Hey bud," I smiled, ruffling his hair when he reached me.

He pulled back a little bit from my hand. "Where's Mom?" he asked. "Or Daddy?"

"Your daddy's at work. And Mom's sleeping," I said, trying to keep the disappointment from my voice. "Besides I thought we could talk."

"Bout what?" he asked, still not meeting my eyes as I buckled him into the backseat.

"About the fact I haven't been a very good daddy to you recently," I told him frowning.

"You've been the worst daddy ever," he told me, tears in his eyes. "And Mommy cries all the time. And Uncle Mark had to tuck me in and he can't make a Dillon ritto."

"I know, bud. And I am beyond sorry," I told him.

"And Mommy says to be good and not talk to you cause you'll get mad," he said miserably.

"I know, bud. I've been awful. I've been a monster, worse than the ones in your closet. But I'm going to try harder now, I promise," I said confidence in my tone.

"You said that last time," he pointed out. "You said you would be better. And you weren't. You were badder."

"I know, Dillon, I know. But I'm here now," I promised, fighting back tears. It hadn't occurred to me to worry that Dillon wouldn't be as accepting as Mer had been.

"What if you get badder again?" he asked, fear in his eyes.

"I'm not going to," I shook my head.

"What if you do?" he repeated.

"Than you can...you can..." I hesitated, trying to think of an appropriate punishment. "Take away my toys, put me in timeout, whatever you think I need."

"Okay," he nodded firmly.

"I love you, Dillon," I told him.

"I love you too, Daddy Derek," he said. "But you're gonna be really mad at me."

"I could never be mad at you, bud," I laughed.

"Well, you will now," he said seriously. "Mommy's gonna take away all my toys."

"What did you do?" I asked starting to worry a little. Dillon was a good kid, a great kid, but with a higher influence from Mark recently, it was hard to say what could have happened.

"I got in trouble today," he sighed, meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Dill, what did you get in trouble for?" I asked him to elaborate.

"I hit Bobby."

"What? You...who's Bobby and why did you hit him?" I demanded.

"He's a boy in school," Dillon answered. "And I got mad at him."

"Why did you get mad at him?" I asked.

"Because," he said simply, shrugging.

"Dillon, why did you get mad at him?" I repeated

"Because," he repeated again. "I got a note from teacher to give to Mommy."

"Okay, and you still haven't answered my question," I pointed out

"I just did," he said. "He said mean things and I hit him."

"Dillon, you need to tell me more details than that," I told him.

"He said," Dillon sighed, looking out the window at the passing houses. "He said that after my baby brother was born, you and Mommy wouldn't love me anymore. And he said after Daddy and Kimmy got married, they wouldn't want me anymore."

"Bud, none of that is true, none of it," I told him.

"Well, that's what he said," Dillon stated. "So I hit him. And I got in big trouble."

I laughed gently, somehow the whole thing was kind of cute. "Your mom is not going to be happy."

"I know," he nodded.

"We're not telling her tonight though, tonight it's our secret. We can tell her tomorrow," I allowed. Because Meredith had had a long enough day, tonight was about celebrating.

"Okay," he nodded and then went strangely silent.

"Bud, you didn't hit any other kids I should know about, did you?" I laughed.

"No," he shook his head. "But...what if my brother is better than me? What if you like him more than me? What if Sam likes him more than me?"

"Dill, your brother or sister will never take your place. You're my bud, and you always will be and your mom and I will love you both equally. And Sam could never love anyone but you," I told him, nodding my head encouragingly.

"Brother," he giggled.

"Sister," I laughed back. This game was more fun now that I knew I was right.

We pulled up to the house and he jumped out, his backpack in his hand and ran to the front door, waiting for me to unlock the door and let him in. He went straight to the kitchen and took his homework out, sitting down and staring at it for a moment. "Daddy Derek?"

"Yeah, bud?" I asked from where I was emptying out the groceries.

"If Mommy's sleeping, whose gonna help me with my homework?" he asked.

"Me," I shrugged.

"Are you good at adding?" he asked seriously.

"I am," I nodded. "Before they let you cut open people's brains they make sure you can add."

"Cool," he said and then turned to the stack of homework in front of him. I helped him as I started the steaks, sitting down every few minutes to make sure he was doing everything correctly. Meredith was right, he did like to stall, but this felt right. This felt perfect. Helping my six year old son learn to add felt right. We worked for an hour or so, until Meredith came down the stairs, looking a little more refreshed.

"Feeling better?" I asked, giving her a quick kiss.

"A little," she nodded. "I sleep better when I have company though."

"Tonight I'm all yours," I smiled.

"Hi Mommy!" Dillon came over to her and then got really close to her stomach. "Hi, brother!"

"Sister," I cut in, looking at the panic of Meredith's eyes. "Dill, supper is nearly ready, can you set the table for me?

"Okay," he nodded, setting about his usual task of setting the table.

"He'll be fine," I whispered in Meredith's ear as I pulled her close to me.

"I'm going to kill Mark," she rolled her eyes as she grabbed a carrott.

"Not until I find out who he's seeing," I laughed.

"Why don't you ask him?" she suggested.

"I plan to. I just don't expect an answer," I told her, starting to place the food on the table. I made a lot. But I knew Meredith, when she was happy she could eat non-stop and I really needed her to.

"I wonder if your mom knows," she said as she carried the salad to the table. "That's what I don't get. How did he have time to meet someone? He's always at the hospital, working or sitting with your mom."

"Which means it's someone at the hospital," I nodded, smiling.

"Interesting," she grinned. "Anyone you can think of?" She paused for a minute. "Oh God, you don't think it's Cristina do you?"

"If it's Cristina it's our duty to society to end it now," I told her seriously. "And with Mark...the list is impossibly long."

"I should ask Alex if he knows anything," she said thoughtfully. "He was saying he's seen Mark around a lot lately."

"We need to know, you realize that Mer? This is something we need to know," I laughed, pulling out a chair for Meredith to sit down.

"Yes it is," she smiled and sat down. "I need to know. He just kept staring at his phone. At first, I thought it was about your mom but after what he said, well..."

"I never thought Mark would fall. When I met you, when I was fighting for you to give me a chance, he made fun of me every second," I smiled at the memory.

"Uncle Mark's in love," Dillon suddenly came in from the washroom. "He told me."

"Name, Dillon, did he tell you her name?" I demanded to know.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Who? Who is it?" Meredith asked, sounding just as interested as I was.

"Um," he scrunched up his nose. "Add...Add...Addson."

"Addison? Mark's dating Addison?" I asked, not quite believing it.

"He said she's really pretty and smart and funny and that she loves Grandma," Dillon reported.

"Mark's dating Addison," Meredith said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"And he said he's gonna marry her," Dillon said. "But it's a secret. Cause he can't ask her yet."

"What? Mark wants to marry someone?" I asked, looking at Meredith with confusion.

"Yeah," Dillon nodded. "He said she's gonna be my aunt Addson."

"Mark doesn't fall in love, Mark doesn't get married," I told Meredith.

"It makes sense," she shrugged. "I mean, if Mark's always with your mom. Addison is too. I guess it makes sense. That they're dating, I mean."

"No them doing other things makes sense. Mark dating anyone doesn't make sense," I shook my head.

"He said somethin' else," Dillon said as he took a sip of his sparkling grape juice.

"I can just imagine," I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"He said she was special," Dillon said. "Cause he wanted to wait. I don't know what for, he wouldn't tell me. He said he'd get in big trouble. But he said he'd wait for a long time."

"Mark...Mark...he's not..."I stumbled over my words. "Mer, Addison broke Mark."

Meredith grinned. "I think it's sweet. I wonder how long it's been going on."

"Did he tell you that too?" I asked Dillon.

Dillon shook his head. "But he said Addson said that mommy needed me to be a good boy. And that she needed lots of sleep. And he said Addson told him to come and make sure mommy was okay."

"Oh, he's already doing her bidding. He's worse than me," I winked at Meredith.

"Derek," Meredith said.

"Yes?" I smiled.

"Shut up," she said as she cut into her steak.

I laughed. Really honestly laughed, and then sighed in relief as I watched her eat something that wasn't a tiny sandwich she pulled together. "Mer, I think there's something we need to talk to Dill about."

"What?" Dillon asked. "You said we'd wait til tomorrow."

"Not that, bud," I laughed at the confused look on Meredith's face. "Your mom and I have something to tell you."

"Oh," he said, nodding. "What? Are we gonna go to the moon? Jackie in school says you can go to the moon."

Meredith giggled at him. "No, Dill, we're not going to the moon. We have to talk to you about the baby."

"My brother," he nodded as he took a bite of mashed potatoes.

Meredith looked over the table at me, a smile stretched across her face. I nodded at her. "Your sister."

"Brother," he laughed.

"No, Dill," Meredith shook her head. "We're not playing. Derek and I...we went to the doctor's today and we found out what the baby is. It's a girl."

He dropped his fork and stared at us, a frown on his face. "How'd you do that?"

"Remember the pictures we showed you of the baby inside mommy's belly?" He nodded. "Well now she's big enough so the picture showed us that she was well...a she."

"But, but, Sam and I want a brother," he pouted.

"I know you did, but you're getting a sister. Remember, you get to be a police man and take care of her," I gently told him.

"But I don't want a sister!" he shouted, throwing his fork on the floor.

"Dillon, honey, there's no need to do that. You're going to love her," Meredith tried.

"No," he shook his head. "No. I won't. I want a brother. Take my sister back and get a brother." His hands were gripping the sides of his plate.

"Dillon, we can't. It's a sister. Maybe next time you'll get a brother," I suggested.

"But I want a brother now!"

"Dillon," Meredith said. "You can't have one now."

"But Bobby said if I had a sister than you definitely wouldn't love me anymore," he cried, picking up his plate and throwing it on the floor. I had never seen him act like this. I had never seen him throw a temper tantrum and it was frankly scaring me. Meredith didn't need this right now.

"Dillon, we talked about this in the car. Mommy and I will always love you, always. A brother or a sister aren't going to change that," I told him, moving to pick up the broken plate.

"You'll like her more," he said, now moving to grab his cup.

"No we won't," Meredith chimed in. "Dillon, we love you. We'll love you both the same."

"I don't want a sister," he said, raising the cup.

"Dillon, if you throw that glass you're going to bed right now, no dessert!" Meredith yelled. It was really the first time I had ever heard her yell at him.

"See, you already don't love me!" he shouted, throwing the glass to the ground where it mixed with the remainder of his food.

"Dillon, we love you. But right now, you're not being a good boy," I told him.

"Dillon, please," Meredith said. She looked exhausted. She looked tense and exhausted. This definitely was not good.

"Dillon," I said, brining my face to his level, looking right at him. I vaguely remembered my dad doing this too me. "Your mom, she's tired. I'm tired. We're all tired. And right now, we really need you to be good. If you don't want a sister, that's fine. But use your words."

"Maybe we should show him the video," Meredith suddenly said, a smile spreading across her face.

"Good idea," I nodded. "Dill, come on, we have a video to show you. And no shouting or screaming."

"Fine," he snapped, following behind us, his arms folded across his chest.

We trudged to the living room, where I put the video on, and then took a seat beside Meredith, pulling a still angry Dillon on my laps. The grainy image of my daughter filled the screen. "See that? That's your sister."

He watched for a few minutes as she moved around, kicking out a leg, sucking her thumb. My eyes watered as I took Meredith's hand, squeezing it gently. "That's my sister?" he asked, sounding a little awestruck.

"That's your sister," Meredith whispered.

"She's moving," he stated.

"She does that sometimes," I laughed.

"Is she moving now?" he asked.

"A little," Meredith smiled, taking her son's hand in her own and pressing it against her stomach. "Feel that?"

He nodded a little and then giggled. "It feels funny."

"So you're going to be a good big brother to her?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'll be the best big brother ever." He stuck his chest out proudly as he kept his hand on Meredith's stomach. "What's her name?"

"We don't know yet. But we're going to give her grandma's name for her middle name," Meredith smiled.

"Oh," he nodded and then turned to look at the screen again. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow," I echoed, hugging him close. "We love you Dillon, we'll always love you."

He just nodded and continued watching the grainy image, his hand still on Meredith's stomach. "I love you," he suddenly said to Meredith's stomach, resting his blond head where his hand had been moments before.

Meredith's eyes filled with tears and I wrapped an arm around her, silently mouthing I love you. I couldn't believe that less than a day before I had been close to losing this, all of this, of losing my family. This is exactly where I belonged, this was exactly what I needed.

_"She is everything I want, but I never knew I needed..."_


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: This is a happy update. We like happy. If we owned Grey's...well happy things would happen. Not thing we refuse to talk about.**

I wasn't exhausted. Last night I had slept soundly, Meredith sound asleep in my arms. After Dillon calmed down we had put him to bed together and then gone downstairs and talked about everything while finishing the sparkingly grape juice. And then we had gone upstairs and had the most mind blowing sex, and then collapsed in each other's arms. It had been perfect. And now I was whistling.

Whistling. I hadn't whistled in quite some time. I wasn't exactly the whistling type. Especially these days. But after I had woken up with Meredith naked in my arms, I couldn't help myself. The night before had been perfect. Dillon had wanted to watch the tape of his baby sister moving again and again, and we had indulged him that, because, well, we enjoyed seeing our daughter just as much as he enjoyed seeing his sister.

Today had flown by, nothing had seemed as tedious as it had for the past months. I had thought the emptiness, the sadness, the overwhelming pain had been all about my mom, but really some of it was because Mer and I, we were off. But now we weren't. I felt whole again. Now I needed to find Lucas to see if him and Kim could take Dillon for the night, I had things I had to take care of.

He was just finishing up surgery when I found him and I waved to him to talk to me when he was done. I waited patiently in the scrub room, whistling something. I wasn't sure what it was, but I had a feeling it was a Disney song of some sort. But I wasn't entirely sure. "Hey, Derek," Lucas greeted me as he came out of the surgery, untying his mask and surgical cap.

"Lucas," I nodded. "Can you take Dillon tonight?"

"I get off at eight," he said after a minute. "Sure, what's up?"

My smile grew wider. "I'm proposing to Mer tonight."

"Oh," he grinned at me. "Congratulations. I figured it was going to come sooner or later. How's she doing?"

"She's exhausted and stressed," I answered honestly. "But things are going to get better now."

"Good," he nodded as he washed his hands. "Anything I need to know about Dill? He's been acting a little down lately."

"Partially my fault, I haven't been around much and it's gotten to him. We talked last night and it's good. And he's been stressing about the little sister. He thinks that when she comes we won't love him as much. And that when you and Kim get married, you won't love him as much," I explained.

"Oh God," he rolled his eyes, turning to look at me. "I'll try to deal with that. And it is a girl, for sure?"

"Found out yesterday," I smiled.

"Congratulations," he grinned and then looked down at his beeping pager. "I've gotta run, consult in the pit. You wanna drop him off at daycare and I'll pick him up from there?"

"Sure. Thanks Lucas," I told him.

"No problem," he nodded. "And good luck tonight."

"Thanks," I smiled, back to my whistling as I headed towards my office, glad I had taken care of that and today was nearly done. I had to go see my mom, who was at home now. And then pick up Dillon, bring him here and get home to Meredith. And then tonight, tonight would be easy

I changed quickly into my street clothes, keeping up the whistling the entire time. Thank God Mark wasn't here. He'd kill me for whistling. Or maybe not. Mark was in love. It was weird to think that Mark could be in love. And with Addison. I wasn't sure how to take it. I was supposed to be the sappy one, not Mark. And yet, he had found his Meredith. He was done. I'd find him tomorrow and grill him then. He wouldn't be pleased Dillon had let it spill, but that's what happens when you use a chatty six year old as your main confidant. Especially a chatty six year old who adores me. I'd find Mark tomorrow. I'd have to ask him to be my best man anyway.

I got into my car and drove to my mom's house, The Clash blaring from my stereo as I sang along. I had forgotten this Derek. I had forgotten what it was like to be happy. Meredith had reminded me. And I knew that I needed to be with her. I knew I needed to marry her. We hadn't even known each other for a year, but eight months was enough for me to know.

I got to my mom's house and ran inside. I didn't knock anymore, there was no point of making Mom get up if she didn't have to. I found her resting on the couch watching some medical drama I knew Meredith was addicted to. "Hey Mom," I told her kissing her quickly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she sighed as she muted the TV. "How are you? How's Meredith? And my grand daughter?"

"We're all great. I went home last night, made them all supper. Things are good, Mom," I sighed, falling back onto my favourite chair.

"Good," she nodded, looking at me carefully. "You still look a little tired. You need to be careful, Derek. Don't run yourself into the ground. You'll be losing enough sleep when she's born."

"I know, Mom. I slept well last night, maybe a little later than I should have, but well," I laughed.

"It's good that you're getting sleep," she smiled. "I've been worried about you." Leave it to my mother to be worried about everyone else when she had cancer.

"I'm fine, Mom. You have nothing to worry about. Worry about getting better," I said, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

"Oh, I'm fine," she shook her head. "Addison says there's still a chance. I just need to recuperate before they start again."

"Mom, you have to grab onto that chance," I pleaded squeezing her hand. "I want my daughter to meet you."

"I want to meet her," she said earnestly, tears coming to her eyes. "Have you thought of any names yet?"

"We're not sure of a first name yet, but her middle name is going to be Elaine, after you Mom," I said, blinking back tears. Today was a happy day, I wasn't going to cry.

"Oh, Derek," she sighed, tears starting to come down her own cheeks.

"Mom, don't cry," I begged her. "Today's a happy day, no tears today."

"And why is today such a happy day?" she asked as she wiped her cheeks with a tissue.

"Well...ummm..." I cleared my throat, not quite sure how to ask for it. It was mine, it was passed on to the oldest Shepherd boy, the ring was mine. I just, I just had stopped believing I was ever going to need it. "I came to ask you for the ring."

"Oh, Derek," she smiled, squeezing my hand. "You have no idea how many times I've dreamed of you sayint that exact phrase."

"I haven't even considered asking before, not till Meredith. She's it, Mom," I said, feeling tears in me eyes again.

"I know," she nodded and then moved to get up. "I've known from the minute you said her name, Derek. Just let me go get it."

"Mom, don't get up. Just tell me where it is and I can grab it," I said, moving to get up myself.

"Upstairs in my jewelry box," she sighed, obviously exhausted from just the attempt to get up. "In the left compartment. The key is in my bedside drawer."

"I'll be right back," I said, running up the stairs. I found the ring in seconds and picked it up with shaky fingers. I had forgotten how beautiful it was. And how perfect. It looked like the ring Meredith would pick out for herself, it was her ring. It had been made for her. And I couldn't wait to slip it on her finger tonight.

It had been in my family for so long that I couldn't remember where it had started, or how it had turned into an heirloom. But it was meant as an engagement ring, to be passed on to the oldest Shepherd boy when he was ready to get married. My mother had worn it until I was around fifteen, and then she had taken it off, tucking it gently in the jewelry box. Now it was my Meredith's. I put the ring in my pocket for safe keeping, until I was ready to ask her. It felt wierd thinking of asking her. It had been ages since we talked about it, since she had told me she was ready for this, ready to marry me. And I had meant to take care of it a lot sooner, but life had gotten in the way. But not tonight, tonight was it. I was going to ask her, she was going to say yes. Tonight would be perfect.

"Do you have it?" Mom asked as I came down the stairs, a ridiculously stupid grin on my face.

"Yeah," I nodded, patting my pocket. "It's perfect for her."

"It is," she nodded, pulling the blanket up around her. "I just hope I can see you marry her."

"Mom, don't talk like that, you'll be there," I told her, slipping onto the couch and putting an arm around her.

"You didn't seem so sure yesterday," she sighed. "I'm tired, Derek."

"Yesterday I was an ass. And I was scared. But you're going to make it through this, you have to. You're not done yet," I nodded gently. And for some reason I believed the words this time. My night with Meredith had saved me. And now I believe, I had to believe that my mom would be okay.

She nodded, a smile on her face and then, "Both of my boys have grown up, it seems."

"You know about Mark?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up.

"Of course I do," she laughed. "I've seen them together."

"What? How long has this been going on? How did I not know? What the hell happened to the manwhore?" I asked quickly.

"Derek," she warned, giving me the look. "Language, please. And it's been going on for a little over a month and a half now. And you didn't know because he didn't want anyone to know. Derek, you had Meredith to keep you afloat. Your sisters had their husbands. But, Mark, Mark needed someone. And Addie was there. She stabilized him. She made him grow up."

I got it, well I kind of got it. I would have gotten it had it been anyone but Mark. And Addison. "I'm happy for him, Mom. I am. I get it. It's just...it's Mark, Mom, Mark."

She laughed. "It had to happen sooner or later. He had slept with most of the women in Seattle."

I laughed along with her, happy to see she still had a sense of humour. "Maybe you didn't do as badly with Mark as we all thought."

"He's a good boy," she smiled lightly. "And head over heels for Addie. You should hear how he talks about her."

"Is it worse than when I found Meredith?" I asked laughing.

"Not quite yet," she laughed. "He feels guilty. He feels he shouldn't be happy right now. I've learned quite a bit about our Markie recently."

"I should talk to him," I nodded. "I know a thing or two about being happy when I really feel I shouldn't be. But you don't want us miserable. I'll talk to him,:

"No, I don't want you miserable," she said firmly. "I want you to live your life and be happy. All of you. Moping around won't solve anything."

"It won't," I nodded. Moping had nearly killed Meredith, Meredith and my princess. "I'll talk to him. I owe him one, after yesterday I definitely owe him one."

"Good," she nodded. "Now, I need to get some rest. Go home to Meredith. She needs you more than I do right now."

"Okay," I kissed her gently on the cheek. "I love you, Mom."

"Love you too, Derek," she smiled as she hugged me. "Good luck tonight."

"Do you think I need it?" I asked her, letting a little doubt creep in.

"No," she shook her head. "She'll say yes."

"Thanks, Mom," I smiled. "I'll bring Dillon by to see you tomorrow if you're up for it."

"Okay," she nodded. "Love you."

"Love you too," I smiled, leaving the house. That was taken care of, I had the ring. That was the first major step. I had the ring. And now I just needed to get Dillon to Lucas's without incident and get home to Meredith. She needed another night of relaxing, of being taken care of then. And then I would ask, ignoring any butterflies that would enter my stomach, I would ask.

I picked up Dillon from school again, this time he came running to me with a huge smile and open arms. "Hi, Daddy Derek!" he yelled, jumping into my arms.

"Hey bud," I smiled, swining him around. "Have a good day?"

"Yeah!" he nodded. "Did my sister move again?"

I laughed. "I don't know bud, I haven't been home. I went to work and then went to see Grandma."

"Is she okay?" he asked seriously.

"She's fine, Dillon. Maybe tomorrow we'll all go and see her if she's up for company, okay?" I asked, buckling him in.

"Okay," he nodded. "What are we gonna do tonight?"

"Actually, we need to talk about that," I told him, slipping int my seat. "I was thinking you could do me a big favour and stay with your dad and Mommy Kimmy tonight."

"Why?" he asked. "I was at Daddy's last weekend. Now it's your's and Mommy's turn."

"I know, bud. And tomorrow we'll pick you up first thing in the morning and you can spend the rest of the weekend with us. It's just...I don't want to share your mommy tonight," I laughed.

"It's not nice not to share," he told me.

"I know, Dillon," I nodded. "But remember when we talked about me marrying your mommy a long time ago, when we went fishing?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Tonight I'm going to ask her to marry me. If that's still okay with you," I told him.

"Wow!" he laughed. "My mommy and daddy are both getting married. But not to each other!"

I laughed along with him, relieved that he was taking this well. I had been a little worried about a repeat of last night. "So you're okay staying with your daddy, tonight?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "But you gotta say good night to my sister for me."

"I promise I will," I nodded.

"And for Sam too," he said.

"Will do," I nodded again.

"Okay," he nodded and then went silent, staring out the window as we drove to the hospital. I dropped him off at daycare, giving him a hug and promising him I'd pick him up first thing Saturday morning and then went back to my car, a grin on my face. I was going to propose to Meredith. Everything was in place. I was going to ask my Meredith to be my wife.

I sang along with the radio the entire way home. If I didn't know the words I made them up. Tonight was going to change everything. After tonight nothing would be the same. It would be better. More bright and shiny. More perfect. I laughed as I pulled up to the house and I basically skipped to the door. "Honey, I'm home!' I yelled, walking in, like some cheesy 50s show.

"In the living room!" she called.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, walking towards the room.

"Exhausted," she admitted, curled up again on the couch, a blanket over her. "Dr. Galveston wants me to take early maternity leave. I'm not even six months pregnant yet and he wants me to take early leave. He says I look like a ghost."

"You do," I walked over and sat beside her, running my hand gently over her forehead. "It's a good idea, take the time off, relax."

"I can't just sit around the house," she sighed

"Maybe I should take the time off too. I haven't taken a vacation in years, I have enough saved up to last me months. Maybe I should just take a break. We can both be here, at home, together," I suggested.

"What?" she stared at me. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," I smiled. "I could use the break. Have more time for everyone."

"Derek, can we do that?" she asked. "I mean, we're about to have a baby. We need money. And, and, we'll drive each other nuts."

"Mer, for the first couple of months I'd still be getting paid my vacation time. And after that, I have enough saved up to take a leave. That's what happens when you make a lot of money, live in a trailer and never take time off," I laughed. "And I'd love to go nuts with you."

"But you love your job," she sighed. "And, Derek, you're the head of neurosurgery. The head of neurosurgery can't just leave for a few months to take care of his pregnant girlfriend."

"The head of neurosurgery can do whatever he wants. And I'll still be in town, if something comes up they can reach me," I nodded. "And I love my job. But it will still be there after she's born."

"Maybe just pick up a lighter rotation," she suggested. "A couple days a week. Maybe that's what I'll do too. One or two days a week."

"Meredith, if you're doctor wants you done working there is no way I'm going to let you in that building," I told her firmly. "We are both officially off work."

"Addison didn't say a thing about me not working," she said stubbornly. "I just need to sleep more. Eat a little bit more. And then I'll be fine. I'll be perfectly fine."

"Meredith, stop pushing yourself. No one is going to blame you for taking time off. We've been through a lot, we both need time off," I told hre.

"I don't know," she whispered a little.

"Mer, it's okay to be weak sometimes, you're not alone anymore. It's okay to let go, to just relax," I whispered pulling her close.

"Fine," she sighed. "But I'm not going to pretend I like being a housewife...housegirlfriend..."

"Oh god, Mer, housewives cook. I beg you to never try to be housewife," I laughed.

She hit my arm a little bit. "Ass."

"I do have a rather nice one," I winked at her.

"Yes you do," she laughed. "Where's Dill?"

"So the lady finally notices her missing son," I laughed. "Lucas and Kim are keeping him tonight. We'll pick him up in the morning."

"Why?" she asked. "It's our weekend."

"I thought we could use the night alone. Have a quite romantic meal, a bubble bath, get a good night's sleep," I told her, trying to look like a concerned boyfriend even though I was grinning like an idiot on the inside.

I was almost too happy. I couldn't stop dancing, moving, whistling, singing. This wasn't even the usual me. But Meredith would be my fiancee soon. My real fiancee, not my sorta fiancee. We would be engaged and we would get married, and we would soon have our baby girl. This was more than happiness, this was cloud a hundred. "What are you doing?"

I turned around to find Meredith standing there, actually looking well rested for once. There was still some tiredness around her eyes but she didn't look like she was about to fall over any second. "Making supper," I shrugged.

"And dancing?" she stared at me, a small smile on her face.

"I wasn't dancing," I argued, smiling.

"Oh, you were dancing," she nodded. "And singing. I don't know how I feel about you being so bright and shiny. Dark and twisty Derek is a lot more tolerable."

"I like being bright and shiny," I said, walking over to her and twirling her around.

"Are you on something?" she asked, sounding suspiciously like Cristina.

"No Meredith," I laughed. "I'm happy. You remember the emotion, right? It involves smiling, and dancing and sex, lots of sex."

"Hmmm," she smiled as she kissed me, hard. "I do remember sex. In fact, I remember sex on that very counter."

"Yeah, that's a fond memory," I said. "No sex now though, food. Sex later."

"But I like sex more," she whined playfully as she squeezed my ass.

"Hmmm...so do I. But I have a perfect meal planned. And we're eating it, Mer. My princess needs it," I said placing my hand on her stomach.

"What is your princess having tonight?" she asked, as she covered my hand with her own.

"Tacos," I smiled.

"Tacos?" she smiled. "You make tacos?"

"I make really good tacos," I nodded.

"All right, we're having tacos," she grinned. "You know, Dillon's going to hate us. He loves tacos."

"He doesn't need to know. I'll make them for him some other night," I responded.

She kissed me deeply, her tongue creeping into my mouth. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too, Mer," I whispered. And then I knew. This was the moment, not later after the bubble bath surrounded by candles. This was the moment. With shaky fingers I pulled the ring out of my pocket and held it up to her. "Marry me, Mer?"

"What?" she asked, staring at the ring in my fingers, tears filling her eyes.

"Meredith Grey, will you marry me?" I asked, repeating the question.

"Oh," she breathed, still staring at the ring. "Oh wow. Seriously? Seriously. I mean, you still want to after everything and all the crap? I mean, you want to marry me and I know I said I was your sorta fiancee but, I mean, wow."

"Meredith, marry me," I repeated again, nodding my head.

"Okay," she whispered softly. "Okay."

Tears filled my eyes. I knew she was going to say yes, there had never been question in my mind. From the moment I first saw her, I knew eventually she'd accept my proposal for marriage. But hearing it, hearing it felt damn good. With a shaky hand I slipped the ring on her finger. It was a little too big. "We'll have to get it resized tomorrow," I said through my tears.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, her own tears coming down her cheeks.

"It's...well I don't know who owned it first. But it's the family ring," I whispered.

"Really?" she looked into my eyes.

"Really. You're a Shepherd now," I smiled.

"Meredith Grey-Shepherd," she smiled a little. "Oh wow. I'm getting married."

"No more kind of fiancee," I laughed, tears streaming down my face.

"Does your mom know?" she asked as she cuddled into my chest, still crying.

"Yeah, before I picked up Dill I went there and got the ring," I told her, hugging my fiancee tight. Fiancee.

"This is..." she trailed off as she looked up at me and kissed me.

I kissed her deeper. "This is where we're supposed to be."

"I was going to say surreal," she giggled.

"You would," I laughed.

"So much for going slow," she laughed.

"It's been 8 months, I was ready to propose 7 months ago," I told her.

"Seriously?" she looked at me. "But you barely knew me. You didn't even know I had Dillon."

"I've always known you were it for me, even when I didn't know you, I knew you were it," I said, blinking back tears.

"Cheesy," she shook her head. "Very cheesy."

"You're marrying a romance novel," I laughed.

"Great," Meredith sighed. "I'm starving."

"What happened to wanting sex?" I asked.

"Your daughter is hungry," she grinned. "And she wants peanut butter."

"Peanut butter doesn't go with tacos, Mer," I said scrunching up my nose.

"Peanut butter with chocolate sauce," she said, licking her lips a little.

"That's gross, Mer," I said, turning back to the meal.

"Oh, it sounds so good," she moved towards the pantry. "Do we have chocolate sauce?"

"I don't know and there is no way I'm helping you look for it," I rolled my eyes. "Remember sex, Mer? If you want sex you might decide against that disgusting concoction."

"Your daughter wants it!" she gasped. "Are you going to deprive your daughter of her peanut butter and chocolate sauce?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, eat it. But go to the other room or something so I don't have to witness it."

"You're terrible," she frowned as she grabbed a spoon. "You know what I was thinking?"

"I'm afraid to ask," I smiled at her.

"This Sunday," she said as she dipped the spoon in the peanut butter jar, pouring a little bit of chocolate sauce on the spoon, "we should host the Shepherd family dinner."

"What? The Shepherd family? My big crazy family? Here? Dinner?" I sputtered out. Meredith didn't do family. Things had improved, she wasn't scared of them anymore, but she still...my family over for dinner?

"This is so good," she moaned as she enjoyed her disgusting craving. "And yes. Because your mom can't do it, Derek. And I think it would be good for everyone."

"I agree, it's just...here? Who's going to cook? Because you might be surprised to hear this but most people don't like peanut butter and chocolate sauce," I laughed.

"You should try it," she offered, holding out her spoon. "And you can cook."

"No, I'm not trying that," I shook my head. "And if you think we can handle it..."

"Come on," she giggled. "It's good."

"I'm sure it is," I told her. "But I'll take your word for it."

"And I think we can handle it," she nodded as she took another bite. "How hard could it be?"

"Meredith, that's...I'm not doing the math, but it's a lot of people. We don't entertain," I pointed out.

"True," she nodded. "But, Derek, for almost three months there hasn't been a family Shepherd dinner. The last one was when your mom told everyone about her diagnosis."

"I know," I nodded slowly. "It's just, it's a lot to take on. And it's not like you miss the scary family dinners."

"I don't," she admitted. "But you do."

"I do," I said. "Are you sure about this? Because if we tell people, we're committed."

She nodded. "I really think we can do it, Der. And invite Mark. Tell him to bring Addison."

"Oh he definitely has to bring Addison," I laughed. "Do you want your family to come? Have an engagement party thing?"

"Um," she suddenly paused, putting her spoon down. "I don't...I don't know."

"We don't have to, my families enough," I told her quickly.

"Okay," she nodded carefully as she put away the peanut butter and chocolate sauce.

"I love you, Mer. Thanks for doing this," I told her, wrapping my arms around her.

"I love you too," she smiled. "Now, about that sex..."

"Oh, so now you want the sex," I laughed.

"Of course I do," she whispered, her hot breath tickling my neck.

"I already turned off the meat," I said, moving my lips to meet hers and kissing her deeply. Supper could wait, sex had waited long enough.

She kissed me deeply, her fingers going up to my hair, her body pressed against me. She tasted like peanut butter and I had to hold back a comment about the disgusting craving as her hands moved from my hair to my ass, squeezing it gently. Pregnancy definitely made Mer more carefree and certainly a little more porny.

"I missed this, Mer," I sighed, moving my lips to her neck and gently bitting in the spot I knew made her shiver.

She moaned under me, not saying a word as her hands moved to my pants, quickly undoing my belt and pulling my shirt over my head. Her movements were rushed, hurried, and she seemed to want one thing and one thing only. "I need you," she murmured.

I pulled her shirt off, and pulled her closer, depositing her on the counter we were both so fond of. My mouth moved to her chest, her breasts slightly larger than before the pregnancy. And so much more sensitive. Her breathing was ragged as she moaned with each movement I made and she held up her hand. "Der, Der," she breathed.

"Yes?" I breathed, pulling away slightly.

"Is this going to work?" she giggled, motioning to her belly. "Sex on a counter...can it...will it work? Should we...bed?"

"We do not have sex in beds. We will make this work," I said, placing my hands on her stomach and kissing her again, deeply, all the passion we had missed of the past months.She laughed breathlessly and her head rolled back, allowing me to kiss every inch of her neck, trailing back down to her breasts. She was practically thrashing under me, her entire body tense with desire.

"God Mer," I said, my hands travelled to the fly of her pants, gently releasing the button and pulling them down her long legs.

She undid my own fly and rushed to get my pants and boxer briefs off, her hands shaking. "Derek, please," she pleaded with me as she gently stroked my erection.

I groaned and pushed myself inside her. She was so wet and warm and tight. Our bodies fit together awkwardly, her rounded belly in the way from how we usually fit together so well. But still this felt perfect, everything about this, about tonight felt perfect. Our fingers tangled together as I thrust further into her and I smiled against her lips at the unfamiliar feeling of her ring against my skin.

"Derek," she whimpered as she buried her face into my sweaty shoulder. "God."

"I love you, I love you," I repeated over and over again, under my breath as I held her close, burying my face in her shoulder.

"I love you too," she whispered as she ran her fingers through my sweat drenched hair.

I pulled away, finally, letting go of her hands and resting my stomach on her stomach. "You are amazing."

"That was...amazing," she said softly, placing her hand on her belly. "Though, someone isn't happy, I think."

"Something wrong?" I asked moving my hand around, rubbing her stomach.

"She's just moving a lot," Meredith smiled. "I think we woke her up."

I laughed gently. "Maybe she's hungry. She probably didn't like that crap you ate earlier."

"It was amazing," she giggled. "And she's the one who wanted it."

"Blaming it on my daughter," I shook my head, pulling away and helping Meredith off the counter.

She smiled and stood in front of me, completely naked and I caught my breath as I stared at her. She was absolutely beautiful. "I say we spend the rest of the night naked," she giggled.

"I am definitely for that idea," I laughed, rubbing my hands over her stomach.

She covered them with her own and looked at me, the smile fading from her eyes. "Der," she whispered.

"Yeah?" I question concerned.

"If something happens," she began and then stopped, taking a deep breath. "If your mom dies, you won't...you won't do it again, will you?"

"No," I shook my head quickly. "No. And if I, if I start you, yell at me, stop me. Don't let me do it again. I need you, you have to hold on to me."

"I need you too," she said, though this time entirely devoid of sexual meaning. "And I hate that I need you. I didn't used to be that girl who needed a guy. You and your stupid boy penis."

"And now you've never been happier than you are right now," I smiled kissing her quickly.

"You are so damn cheesy sometimes," she giggled and then leaned against me. "I'm tired."

"Supper won't be ready for another half hour, how about you go take a nap?" I suggested.

"Hmmm," she sighed. "You're warm though. Let's get chocolate sauce and feed it to each other in bed."

"You're getting strange, Mer," I laughed, as I grabbed the chocolate sauce.

"I'm not strange," she shrugged. "And if I am, then you like it. Because we're engaged."

"We're getting married," I smiled, taking her by the hand and leading her up the stairs. "And you have to eat, sometime before we go to bed tonight, you ave to eat."

"Not hungry," she murmured.

"Meredith, you're not getting a choice in this," I ordered.

"I'm supposed to be the bossy one," she said. "And I'm not hungry."

"Well then, we'll just have to get you to work up an appetite," I informed her.

She smiled at me a little and then kissed me. "Let's spend the entire night in bed. Let's order in and just stay in bed, Derek. We never get to do that."

"That sounds perfect, Mer," I smiled.

"I thought so too," she yawned as she crawled into our bed. "I love you, Derek Shepherd."

"I love you too, Meredith Grey-Shepherd," I smiled, pulling her into my arms. It wasn't her name yet, but it would be. In the future. One day it would be her name.

_Love can move you, take you deeper every time, can make the darkest moments feel like heaven's come alive._


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Alicia wouldn't be in the middle of an ugly cry right now. Because we'd know what was happening with Meredith. And she'd be in the middle of sex with Patrick Dempsey.**

I stood in the mostly empty room that Sunday, smiling at the purchase Mer and I had made the day before. After picking up Dillon, we had gone out for breakfast, resized the ring, and then had meandered into a store with baby clothes and furniture. Dillon, at first, had been ecstatic, but as he watched Mer and I look at things, trying to decide what we wanted, he got bored. And then we bought our daughter's crib. A beautiful white crib. It looked perfect in the room that still needed to be painted bright yellow. I'd have a lot more time to do that now since Mer and I were taking the time off. But it already looked perfect. I had helped so many brother in laws build cribs and finally I needed one of my own. Life was good. It wasn't perfect, it was messy but it was good. I had Meredith. And Dillon. And Daddy's little princess.

I took a sip of my coffee as I stared at it, fully content. It was a Sunday morning. My family was coming over in a few hours. Meredith was sleeping peacefully in our bed, and Dillon, well, Dillon was standing next to me, a frown on his face. "Why did you buy it?" he asked.

"Your sister needs somewhere to sleep, bud," I told him.

"But she's not here yet," he frowned deeply. "And this is my play room."

"She's going to be here soon. And your mommy and I are turning the other room into your play room, bud," I ruffled his hair.

"But I like this room," he insisted. "She can sleep in the other room."

"This room is bigger, Dill. And it's closer to Mommy and me," I tried to explain.

"I don't care," he stared at me. "I want this room."

"Dillon, you can't have this room," I told him.

"She's a baby, she doesn't need a big room!" he raised his voice.

"Dillon, you have to share with her," I said crouching down to his height.

"I don't wanna share," he pouted. "She's a baby. And a girl. I don't wanna share. This is my play room."

"Dillon, it's not your play room anymore. You're getting a new one," I told him, my voice stern.

"What's going on out here?" Mer came out of our bedroom in sweats and one of my shirts.

"I was just telling Dillon how he's going to get a new play room," I told her, giving Dillon a look to keep him silent.

"No! I don't want a new playroom!" he yelled.

Meredith gave me a panicked look, she didn't need this, not today. "Dillon, you don't get to choose, you're getting a new play room and that's final."

"No!" he screeched. "I want this room! My stupid baby sister can have the other room!"

"Dillon!" Meredith shouted.

"What!" he shouted right back.

"Go to your room right now, Dillon Grey. And don't come out until you're ready to act like the big kid you are," Meredith yelled pointing to the door.

"I don't wanna go to my room!" he cried.

"Dillon, go to your room," I told him in an even voice.

"No," he snapped at me. "My daddy wouldn't make me go to my room."

"This isn't your daddy's house, this is my house. Mine and your mom's house. And if we say go to your room, you go to your room," I shouted.

"No!" he stomped his feet.

"Dillon! Room! Now!" Meredith yelled.

"Mommy! Room! Now!" he mocked her.

"Dillon Grey, you're going to your room right now or you won't be playing with your cousins tonight," I warned.

He stared at me for a second and then said, "I hate you" before turning around and stomping his way to his room, slamming his door behind him, hard.

The second we were alone Meredith burst into tears, her shoulders shook with sobs. I pulled her to me, holding her close, trying to sooth her. She didn't need this, not today. "It's okay, Mer, it's okay. He didn't mean it, he didn't mean it."

"He's always been so good," she cried. "What's the matter with him? I'm a terrible mother."

"Mer, don't say that, you're a great mom. He's just, a lot has been going on. He's adjusting," I hugged her tighter.

"God," she cried. "Not today. Why today? Why couldn't he adjust at his father's house?"

"Because his daddy's not having a baby," I told her, rocking her slightly in my arms.

She sighed and pulled away. "What time is it?" she murmured.

"It's nearly 10," I answered.

"Oh my god," her eyes widened. "I slept in. Why did you let me sleep in? Do you have any idea how much I have to do today?"

"Mer, you needed the sleep," I told her, shrugging.

"No, I don't need the sleep," she groaned. "I need to clean and get everything ready for the dinner tonight. And I need to make sure everything is perfect. I definitely do not need the sleep. The house, the house is a mess."

"The house looks fine," I told her, grabbing her arm.

"No, no it doesn't," she shook her head. "Derek, I have to clean."

"We have all day. I'll help," I told her soothingly.

"You have to cook!" she exclaimed. "How can you help me clean if you have to cook? How is that possible, Derek?"

"Mer, I don't have to cook yet, I have time to help you clean," I said, rubbing her arms.

"No you don't," she shook her head. "Derek, this has to be perfect. Your mom is an amazing cook and her house is always so warm and inviting and everyone is laughing and joking around."

"Meredith, that's the people, that's the family. It will be the same here," I tried to calm her down.

"No, no," she pulled away from me. "I have to clean. This is awful. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I'm sorry, I just thought, I thought you could use the rest," I shrugged.

"I don't need rest, Derek!" she exclaimed. "I need to make sure that your family comes to this house and has a good time and doesn't think I'm a stressed out single mom."

"Mer, my family knows you, they love you. You don't have to impress them," I tried to calm her down yet again. She didn't need this stress. The baby didn't need this stress.

"Of course I have to impress them," she said desperately as she started walking off towards our bedroom.

"Mer..." I said following her. "You have to relax."

"I'll relax when I feel relaxed," she snapped at me. "And right now, I have too much to get done to relax."

"Mer, it's not healthy for our daughter," I tried to tell her. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

"Our daughter is fine," she said. "Now, where do I start? God, this house is a mess. I should have cleaned it yesterday."

"Meredith, you can't do this," I sighed watching her throw stuff around our bedroom, looking for clothes or something. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"It's not a bad idea," she shook her head. "It's the perfect way to get the family happy again. I mean, God, Der, your mom is dying. Mark is dating my doctor. And my son is throwing temper tantrums. It's all a mess."

"I know, Mer. But Addison needs you to stay relaxed, our daughter needs it," I tried to urge her.

"Derek, go do something," she ordered. "You standing here? Not helping."

"Okay," I sighed. I wanted to fight with her, I needed her to relax, but she wouldn't listen. And me trying to fight her on this wasn't going to help, it would just cause more stress for her. She was right, the best way to help her was to actually do something.

"On second thought," she paused for a second.

"What?" I asked.

"Go to the kitchen and make sure we have everything we need," she stated. "And then go to the store and get whatever we need. And maybe some beer and wine."

"Whatever you want, Mer," I nodded, going with my new philosophy of just going along with whatever she needed.

"Okay," she nodded. "And maybe some tequila."

"Meredith, you can't drink tequila," I pointed out.

"I know," she sighed. "But looking at it might help." She pulled a sweatshirt on and turned to me. "Derek, please. Don't just stand there."

"I'm going, Mer, I'm going. But I'm not getting tequila," I stated, starting to head towards the stairs.

"Daddy Derek?" Dillon poked his head out of his room. "Can I come out now?"

"Are you ready to act like a big boy?" I asked him.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Okay," I nodded. "Want to come to the store with me? Get you out of mommy's hair so she can clean."

"Okay," he nodded, tiptoeing out just as Meredith rushed past us, going down the stairs, mumbling to herself. "What's the matter with Mommy?"

"She's a little nervous about everyone coming over," I explained.

"Dillon Grey!" Meredith yelled up the stairs. "Come down here this second!"

"Come on, bud," I told him, picking him up. "Your mom doesn't sound very happy."

Meredith was standing in the middle of the living room, where Dillon had his legos still strewn about from the night before. "Didn't I tell you to pick these up last night?" she asked him, her hand on the small of her back.

"Mer, calm down. We'll pick them up before we go shopping," I told her gently.

"How am I supposed to clean if there's shit all over the house?" she asked. "I swear, you are both trying to kill me."

"Mer, you have to breathe," I reminded her.

"Derek, if I weren't breathing I'd be dead so I'm quite obviously breathing," she snapped. I laughed softly. I didn't mean to laugh, I knew laughing was definitely the wrong thing to do and wouldn't give me any brownie points, but quite frankly, Meredith was kind of adorable. I didn't want her stressed, I knew it was bad for her to stressed. But Meredith was cute. "What's funny?" she asked, glaring at me.

"Nothing, you're just cute," I laughed, quickly kissing her nose.

"I'm so glad you're amused," she said. "So glad I could provide entertainment for you."

I put Dillon down so he could pick up his legos and pulled Meredith into my arms. "Mer, you have to breathe. I can't spend all day worrying about you."

"I don't know what's the matter with me," she whimpered. "I feel completely out of it and...I don't know. This was a bad idea, Derek. A terrible, awful idea. Call and cancel."

"Mer, we can't cancel," I told her. "We'll get through this, tonight will be great."

"I can't," she shook her head. "The house is a mess and I feel terrible."

"How about you come out and shop with us? We'll all help you clean when we get back," I suggested, running my fingers through her hair.

"I can't, Derek," she sighed. "You have to cook when you get back and I have to clean. And why did you let me do this?"

"You were kind of hell bent on it. And well, I love you for it," I smiled.

"I should have stayed in bed today," she said. "I never should have gotten up. Why did I think this was a good idea? Your mom is going to come and she's going to hate this and it won't be like the real Shepherd family dinners. At all. And it will be bad. And then they'll all think I'm a terrible person who is stealing Derek from them, because I am."

"Meredith Grey-Shepherd, my family adores you. It will be just like the dinners at my mom's. Everything will be fine. And you're not stealing me, you're part of my family," I said, rubbing her shoulders.

"And my back hurts," she sighed. "And my head and I'm feeling nauseous which I thought would go away after the first trimester but apparently it can persist through out an entire pregnancy. And your daughter won't stop moving. And my head hurts."

Now I was worried. She was already in bad shape and she'd be pushing herself all day. This wasn't good, this was bad. "Maybe we should cancel."

"They'll kill us if we cancel," she sighed. "It's too late to cancel."

"They'll understand Mer, you're tired, they'll get it. They've all been where you are," I said, rubbing her back.

"No," she stood up. "No, I'm going to do this."

"Okay, just...call my cell if you need me," I told her.

"I will," she nodded. "Now you guys go."

"We're out of here," I smiled. "Love you."

"You too," she said as she walked away.

"Come on, bud," I said, grabbing his hand. "Let's go get that stuff for your mom."

"Mommy's going crazy," he whispered to me as we went out to my car.

I laughed. "She's just stressed right now, bud. Which means for the rest of the day you have to be extra good."

"What's stressed?" he asked as I buckled him in.

"It's kind of sad and worried and scared all at once. It's how you feel when you get mad at your little sister," I explained.

"Oh," he nodded. "Is Mommy stressed at you?"

"No. She's stressed because we have a whole lot of people coming over. And your sister is making her tired," I said, helping him buckle up.

"I told you my sister was bad," he stated.

"Your sister isn't bad," I told him. "Babies make mommies tired. You did."

"Bet I didn't," he said. "Bet if the baby was a brother he wouldn't."

"Dillon, you did. And even if it was a baby brother, your mom would still be tired. You can't blame everything on your sister, you know," I tried to explain.

"She's taking my playroom," he huffed. "You already like her more than me."

"Dillon, we don't like her more than you. We like you both the same. But babies need a lot of attention, they can't take care of themselves like you can. They can't talk, they can't get dressed by themselves, they have to be taken care of. So your sister needs to be close to mommy and me," I told him. "And your playroom being downstairs will be fun."

"No it won't," he said. "Sam doesn't like it."

"You know what? How about you help mommy and I plan it out. The room can be exactly what you want. Will Sam like it then?" I suggested. Spoiling him would probably not be the best idea, but I would do whatever it took.

"Maybe," he said slowly.

"We can paint it whatever colour, put things just where you want them, whatever you want bud," I said, smiling at my idea.

"Can I get new toys?" he asked.

"Maybe a couple," I told him.

"Okay," he nodded. "But it's gonna be my fort. No baby sisters 'llowed."

"She's going to be too young to play in it, so it's just yours," I nodded. By the time she was ready to play in it he'd be over this and thrilled to have his sister around as much as possible.

We drove in silence for a few minutes and then he asked, "Daddy Derek, you're a big brother right?"

"Yep," I nodded.

"Did you like your baby sister?" he asked seriously.

"At first, no," I told him. I honestly didn't remember, but I assumed I didn't. And even if it wasn't, I had a feelng it's what Dillon had to hear. "I liked being the baby, the one everyone gave all the attention too. But once I got to know her, I loved her."

"Did your mommy and daddy still love you?" he asked.

"Of course they did," I nodded. "Just like mommy and I will love you."

"Okay," he nodded as we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. It wouldn't be a long trip, we only needed a few things. I checked my cell phone as I got out of the car, double checking to make sure Meredith hadn't called. I was worried about her. Worried what today would do to her. How she would look at the end of the day. Because my mom would kill me if Meredith looked sick.

I knew I could easily call the family and cancel. Meredith was nearly 6 months pregnant, and things hadn't been easy. They'd understand her being tired, they'd be okay with it. But Meredith wanted to do this. I had a feeling that she needed to do this. I'd just have to watch out for her, get home quick and help her with whatever she needed. I'd have to just be there at the end of the day. I threw things in the cart as I went along, holding Dillon's hand the entire time. I decided to grab some strawberry ice cream for Meredith and also some peanut butter, as that was currently her most prominent craving. I grabbed all of the things on our list and then headed towards check out, letting Dillon pick out a candy bar as we waited in line.

I noticed a blonde standing behind me in line, staring at Dillon with a huge friendly smile on her face. I didn't trust women who smiled at kids like that, they usually wanted something more. And it kind of freaked me out. I smiled warmly at the woman, hoping she'd look away and fidgeted with some stuff in the cart, ignoring her, hoping Dillon wouldn't notice her looks. "What a well-behaved little boy," she commented to me. "I've never seen such a good boy."

"He can be a hellion when he wants to be," I replied, ruffling Dillon's hair.

"Well, he's very lucky to have such a nice daddy like you," she smiled at me. "I'm Lindsey."

"Derek," I replied. "And he's not my son, my stepson, well my future stepson."

"Oh!" she smiled. "I never would have guessed that you two weren't related. Such amazing blue eyes!" She looked right into my eyes as she said it.

"Yeah, well...yeah," I said shrugging.

"What's your name?" she asked Dillon.

"I'm Dillon Grey, I'm six. And this is Sam, he's six too," Dillon said with a warm smile.

"Well, hello, Dillon," she smiled, ignoring Sam completely. "Dillon, I think your step daddy is very handsome."

"My mommy thinks so too," Dillon nodded as I laughed.

"Where is your mommy?" Lindsey pressed on, her smile still plastered to her face.

"She's at home. Daddy Derek's family is coming over for supper so she's at home going crazy. Daddy Derek says she's tressed," Dillon answered.

"Going crazy, huh?" Lindsey smiled. "I bet that's really hard on your step daddy, isn't it?"

"No, Daddy Derek is good at taking care of her. He takes care of people. He's a brain surgeon," Dillon answered proudly.

"Oh really?" she raised her eyebrows, looking over me. Great, now she knew about the money thing. "You know," she lowered her voice and whispered to me, "I could help take care of you. You do need someone to take care of you."

"His mom takes care of me just fine," I smiled awkwardly.

She frowned for a second and then turned to Dillon. "Dillon, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Not yet, but mommy's got my little sister in her tummy," Dillon answered, frowning slightly.

"Oh," Lindsey smiled brightly. "That's exciting." She turned back to me, "And hard on your sex drive, I'm sure."

"That's none of your business," I told her harshly.

"I wasn't trying to offend," she said lightly. "Though it does seem to have hit a nerve. I can help with that, Derek."

"It didn't hit a nerve. I just simply don't discuss the details of mine and my fiancee's sex life with complete strangers," I said, turning around to place some stuff on the cash register.

"Well, if you change your mind," she said, "I can give you my number."

"I won't be needing your number, I won't be changing my mind," I said gesturing towards Dillon. "His mom, his mom is it for me. So no, I don't need your number."

"Oh, well, no need to be rude about it," she snapped as she turned around and walked off.

"Dill, we're not going to tell your mom about that," I told him. "Not today. Today it's our secret."

"Okay," he nodded. "What was she doing, Daddy Derek?"

"You know how Mark talks about cruising for girls? She was cruising for me," I laughed.

"Silly lady," Dillon giggled.

"Definitely, the only girl I want is your mommy and your little sister," I told him, kissing him quickly.

"So we won't tell mommy," he stated. "It's a secret."

"Exactly. Mommy doesn't need to know. She knows how much I love her," I answered.

He nodded and I paid for the groceries before going out to the car. The drive home was relatively quiet, Dillon sometimes talking to Sam in the back seat, but mostly, it was just quiet. I pulled into our driveway, unbuckled Dillon, and then got the groceries from the trunk. When I walked into the house, the first thing I saw was Meredith on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor in the foyer. "Mer, hun, you don't have to do that," I told her gently.

"Yes, I do, the floor is filthy," she sighed as she sat up, rubbing her back.

I was immediately beside her, my hand on her back, rubbing it for her. "No one is going to care how the floor in the foyer looks."

"I already scrubbed the kitchen floor," she sighed. "So it's clean. Which means no shoes in there."

"Okay, but ummm...shoes go in the foyer. You can't keep it clean," I pointed out.

She stared at me for a second and then started to stand up, swaying a little as she did so. "I just want the house to look nice, Derek."

"I know, Mer. But you can't kill yourself. The house looks fine. It looks nice," I nodded pulling her close, letting her lean against me. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she answered, though it was obvious she wasn't.

"No you're not. Please sit down for a bit, watch some tv. I don't have to start cooking for a few hours, I can help," I tried to convince her, hoping she was tired enough to give in this time.

"Derek, I'm fine really," she insisted but then I heard her take a sharp breath.

"Mer? What's wrong?" I asked, holding her close in my arms, my heart rate tripled instantly.

"It's nothing," she shook her head. "The baby...she's uh...she's kicking me hard."

"Meredith, are you sure?" I asked, my hand falling to her stomach.

"Yes," she nodded. "Derek, you're forgetting I've been in labor before. I would know if that's what was going on."

"Okay, if you're sure. But Mer, please sit down, at least for a few minutes. Let me get you something to drink, just for a minute," I begged. Meredith was leaning on me too much, using my strength. She couldn't take what she was trying to do. She was better today than she had been on Thursday, her healthy glow was starting to come back. But still, she wasn't ready for this. I shouldn't have let her take it on.

"Fine," she sighed as I led her to the couch, sitting her down slowly. "Only for a few minutes, though. I still have to dust and vacuum."

"Good," I said, running to the kitchen and getting her a glass of lemonade. "But I'm doing to vacuuming. That's too heavy of work for you, Mer."

"It's a vacuum, Derek," she rolled her eyes. "I pull it back and forth on carpet. It's not a big task."

"You're not carrying it anywhere. Pushing is fine, but no carrying," I insisted.

"Fine," she sighed. "You carry it. I'll push it."

"Mer, I'm just watching out for my two favourite girls," I said, rubbing her back.

"I know, I know," she nodded. "But, Derek, this is your family we're talking about. I'm trying to be apart of your family."

"You're a part of my family, Mer. If the house was as messy as Cristina's you'd still be part of my family," I laughed.

She giggled a little and then sat back on the cushions. "What time is it?" she asked.

"It's getting close to noon, did you have lunch?" I asked her.

"I'm not hungry," she said meekly.

"Meredith, if you don't eat lunch, even just a quick sandwich, I'm calling everyone and calling tonight off," I told her.

"You wouldn't!" she looked at me, her eyes wide.

"I would," I nodded.

"Fine," she nodded. "I'll have a turkey sandwich."

"Okay, I'll go take care of that," I nodded, getting off the couch. "You sit here and I'll take care of you," I laughed, thinking of the woman at the grocery store.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Nothing, it's nothing," I smiled, heading towards the kitchen to make her the sandwich I was forcing her to eat. I hated having to force her, but at least it got food into her. That's what mattered right now. She was stressed today, but she needed to eat.

Dillon followed me into the kitchen, a concerned look on his face. "Is Mommy okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, bud. She's just tired," I nodded, grabbing the ingredients from the fridge. "She'll be fine."

"Does she have an owie?" he asked.

"She kind of has an owie all over. She could probably use a hug," I suggested.  
"Okay," he nodded and then ran off to do just that.

I walked into the living room minutes later to find Dillon sitting beside her, his arms wrapped typed around her body, talking animatedly about something. Meredith looked more relaxed than she had all day, she looked happy. "Mer, here's your sandwich. Eat."

"Yes, sir," she smiled and bit into the sandwich. "What time is everyone coming again?"

"Anytime between three and five," I told her. "Mark, Addie and my mom will probably get here first."

"That's only three hours," she sighed.

"It's plenty of time. Dillon's going to help, aren't you bud?" I asked.

"Yep," he nodded. "What do I do?"

"How about you dust? Do you think you can take care of that?" I asked him.

"Der, I don't know," Meredith shook her head. "He might break something. And he's not tall enough."

'Well then, what can he do?" I smiled at her. Dillon wanting to help out was a good thing, and I was determined to find him something to do. Even if it was just helping me, something had to come up.

"Dill, is your room clean?" Meredith asked him.

"Ummm...kinda..." Dillon said, looking at his feet.

"Go clean your room," Meredith sighed as she took another bite of her sandwich and then put it down. "I want it done in an hour so you can take a bath."

"Okay," Dillon said, frowning slightly but not complaining about the prospect of cleaning his room and then a bath. He was a good kid, and I was happy to see him back to himself, at least for now.

For the next hour, Meredith dusted around the house and I kept a close watch on her. Her hand was always on the small of her back, and there would be times when she thought I wasn't looking that she'd wince a little. I knew I should get her to stop, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. She wouldn't listen to me. "Der?" she asked, coming into the kitchen where I was cutting up vegetables.

"Yeah?" I asked concerned.

"Could you run Dillon's bath for him?" she sighed. "And help him wash his hair? I don't think I can."

"Sure," I nodded, putting the knife down and putting a concerned arm around her. "You okay?"

"It's just my back," she nodded. "But I'm fine, really. I just have to vacuum and I'm done."

"After everyone leaves tonight, we're sitting down and doing nothing for the rest of the night. We can do dishes in the morning," I told her.

"Okay," she agreed. "Though I'll probably go to sleep."

"That's fine, sleep is good," I smiled, walking towards the stairs. "I've never helped Dillon in the bath before, does he like baths? Am I going to get wet?"

She laughed a little. "It depends on what toys he has in there with him. If he has his submarine, no. If he has his dolphin, you'll get soaked. And he likes them, he'll sit in one until the water gets cold."

"Okay, I can handle this," I nodded, heading up the stairs to find our son.

"Is it time for my bath, Daddy Derek?" he was already in the bathroom with his robe and a towel.

"It is," I nodded.

"Good," he nodded. "See my dolphin? He's Danny."

"So it's dolphins today. Your mommy warned me of the dolphins," I laughed.

"They like to jump," he smiled as I started to run the bath. He got undressed and climbed in, already starting to throw his dolphin in the air so it landed in the water.

"This is going to have to be a fast one, bud. We have to help your mommy out," I told him, reaching for the soap.

"Okay," he nodded. "Shampoo first."

"Okay," I said grabbing his shampoo and putting it in my hands. I had never actually done this before, even when I babysat for my sisters I had never done this. I really had no idea how to do this. But I was a dad now so I'd have to figure it out.

As I massaged the shampoo into his hair, he kept his head back and his eyes closed. "To rinse it you use the cup," he said suddenly, as if he had been reading my thoughts. I looked around and found a pitcher on the edge of the tub, and filled it, pouring it over his shampooed hair. "Daddy Derek?"

"Yeah, bud?" I asked him.

"Didn't you tell Mommy she couldn't vacuum?" he asked.

"I tried to, but she doesn't like listening to me very much," I laughed.

"Well, she's vacuuming," he shrugged. "I can hear it."

"She...I...I told her I'd carry it for her, she didn't ask me to carry it for her," I panicked. "Dillon, your mom is too stubborn for her own good."

"I can finish by myself," he told me.

"Are you sure?" I questioned, already starting to stand up.

"Yeah," he nodded. "It's easy now."

"Okay, bud, be careful. Yell if you need me," I told him as I headed out of the washroom and ran down the stairs. Our vacuum wasn't light, it wasn't monstrous but it wasn't small. Someone Meredith's size that was pregnant couldn't be carrying it. That wasn't healthy, that wasn't good for her of the baby. I loved her, I loved her stubborn streak, but she had to let me help her.

I found her carrying the damn thing from the living room to the dining room. "Did you finish already?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

I didn't answer. "What the hell are you doing? Meredith, you're not supposed to be carrying that," I shouted, pulling it from her hands.

"Derek, it's not that heavy," she said. "Really, I'm fine. Will you please stop coddling me? I'm not a child!"

"Mer..." I started to shout, taking a deep breath to stop myself. Yelling was bad, yelling would not solve things. "I know that, Mer. I know. But I worry about you. I can't loose you or our daughter. I can't."

"I'm fine, our daughter is fine," she stressed.

"You're not fine, you haven't been fine all day," I argued.

"A backache isn't going to kill me, Der. All pregnant women get them."

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I know I worry too much, but you're...you're all I have. I can't loose this."

"You're not going to," she whispered and then kissed me. "I think I'm going to soak in a bath for an hour or so, anyway."

"Good, that sounds good," I smiled. Meredith relaxing in the tub was good.

"Come and get me when people start coming," she smiled, kissing me again.

"Will do," I said heading towards the kitchen to finish preparing the meal, feeling relaxed for the first time that day. Meredith was okay, I had to stop worrying. She had been pregnant before, she knew what her body could take. And now that I was here, she was fine. She slept through nights again, she was eating, she seemed a lot more relaxed. Meredith was fine.

Mark, Addison, and my mom were the first people to arrive an hour and a half later. Mark was helping my mom up the driveway, Addie following closely behind him. I opened the door and went out to help him. "You doing okay, Mom?" Mark asked her.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. I'm happy to be out of that house for once," my mom laughed weakly.

Mark smiled a little but shot me a worried look. "Hey, Der," he grinned.

"Mark, Addison," I greeted them both.

"Hi, Derek," Addison smiled.

By now we had reached the house, which was clean and perfect looking. Meredith would be happy. "I just have to run upstairs and tell Mer people are arriving. She''s resting," I smiled.

"Good," Addison nodded firmly. "I'm glad to hear it."

I ran up the stairs and found Meredith napping on our bed, curled up in a tiny ball, some pain showing on her face. Her back worried me. She didn't seem to concerned about the pain but she had been here before. I hadn't. And I'm sure it was nothing. But Meredith was my life and I couldn't help but worry about her. I shook her a little bit, and she popped up, immediately. "Are they here?" she asked as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Just my mom, Mark and the love of his life," I laughed. "Dillon's down there entertaining them."

"Okay," she nodded. "I have to finish getting dressed. I'll be down in a few." She stood up, swayed a little, and then sat right back down.

"Mer?" I asked, kneeling down in front of her. "Are you okay? Do you want me to run and get Addie?"

"No," she breathed, obviously in some kind of pain. "I just stood up too fast. I'm fine."

"Mer, you're not fine, you're in pain," I said, grabbing her hands, letting her hold onto me tightly. "I can go get Addie."

"No, no," she shook her head. "Really, Derek, I'm fine. I must have fallen asleep in a funny position."

"Okay," I nodded, relenting. "But you have to tell me if it bothers you again, if it gets any worse. You have to tell me."

"I will," she nodded. "Now go downstairs. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Okay," I said kissing her quickly and turning to go downstairs, turning back for a second, seeing pain flash across Meredith's face. Something was wrong, I didn't know what, but this couldn't be the usual back pain. I wanted to ask Addison, but Meredith would kill me. I'd just have to watch for her.

By the time Meredith made it downstairs, the rest of the family had shown up and it was a madhouse. Kids were running around, my mom was sitting in a chair watching happily, Mark and Addison were entwined on the couch, and my sisters and their husbands were all talking loudly. I watched Meredith come down the stairs, watched her pause at the last step, saw her take a deep breath. I wanted to jump up and run to her but if I did my family would know something was wrong. And they'd be all over her, protective, taking care of their own. And she would hate it. She'd panic and she'd hate it. So I sat and watched her walk towards me, ready to be there if she needed me.

"Hi, everyone," she grinned.

"Hi Meredith," Kathleen greeted. "Thanks for doing this, it means a lot."

"It's really not a problem," Meredith nodded. "I missed the weekly dinners too."

"It's a lot to take on, we really do appreciate it," Erin smiled, walking over and giving Meredith a quick hug.

I saw Meredith wince a little and I wondered if Erin had noticed. I stole a quick glance over to Addison, who was watching Meredith with a quizzical look. "It's the least I could do," Meredith told Erin.

"Mer, I have to go check on dinner, come sit down," I invited her, getting off my spot on the couch.

She nodded gratefully and sat down. "The house looks nice," she whispered to me.

"It does," I nodded. "I told you we could pull this off."

"We can," she nodded. "Go check on dinner."

"Going," I nodded. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but I knew she wasn't and I knew there was no way she'd tell me.

When I came back, Addison and Nancy were talking quietly in a corner while Meredith talked to my mom, who had her hand on Meredith's belly. "Hey Shep," Mark grinned, "when's dinner ready? Some of us are starving here."

"You're not being fed tonight," I told him. "I don't feed men who keep secrets from their best friends."

"I couldn't tell," he shook his head. "What kind of an ass is happy when his mother is dying of breast cancer in the hospital?"

"I'm happy," I shrugged looking over at Meredith. "It's okay to be happy. Just because our family life is...less than perfect, we can still be happy outside that. We're allowed to. Mom wants us to."

"I know that now," Mark nodded. "She's great, isn't she?"

"She is," I nodded in agreement.

"She's funny and smart," Mark grinned. "She's perfect for me. And I sound like you now. Damn it, you poisoned me with your chickness."

I laughed and slapped him on the back. "Congrats, Mark. Honestly, it's the best feeling in the world. Terrifying at first, but once you get used to it, you'll wonder how you ever lived without her." I was looking at Meredith again.

She stood up and came over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "We need to tell them," she whispered. "That we're engaged. And the baby is a girl."

"We do," I nodded, wrapping my arm around her waist. "Now? Or over supper?"

"Let's do it now," she grinned. She looked relaxed. The pain seemed to have subsided for now.

"Okay," I nodded, squeezing her tightly. "Hey everyone, Mer and I have an announcement to make. Actually two announcements."

"Oh God," Mark groaned. "What now?" He quieted though when Addison slapped him lightly on the arm. "Sorry, babe."

I laughed at the sight of Mark with a woman that could keep him in line. And then cleared my throat. "First, as you might have guessed by the ring on her finger, Meredith and I are officially engaged."

"Oh my god!" Erin shrieked and ran over to Meredith, taking her finger. "Oh, Mer," she breathed, "it's the Shepherd family ring...it looks great on you."

Meredith smiled and moved her mouth to say thanks, but Nancy cut her off. "And?"

"And," Meredith smiled, taking this one. "We're having a baby girl."

"I knew it! I knew it was a baby girl!" Kathleen exclaimed. And then our family was surrounding us, giving us warm hugs, offering a multitude of congratulations, asking question after question.

After twenty minutes of this, Meredith turned to me, looking slightly overwhelmed. "Dinner?" she asked quietly.

"It should be ready," I smiled, heading towards the kitchen to take one last final look.

Mer had everyone gather into the dining room and take their seats as I started carrying out the dishes to put on the table. Everyone was still talking excitedly as my mom took her space at the head of the table, me and Meredith to her right and Kathleen and her husband to her left. Finally, the table went quiet and my mother said in a quiet voice, "Who is going to say grace?"

"How about you do it, Mom?" I suggested.

She nodded carefully and began speaking. As she said the short grace, I felt Meredith grab my leg, squeezing it tightly. I opened my eyes and saw that she was panting a little bit. "Der," she whispered.

"Mer, what's wrong?" I whispered back, trying to keep my voice calm.

"It hurts," she whimpered. "Oh god, it hurts."

By this time grace was finished and others had started noticing Meredith's distress, or maybe more likely my panic as I slipped out of my chair to get closer to her, to hold my hand over her stomach, terrified at what hurt. "Meredith, what's wrong?" Addison demanded.

"It's no-nothing," Meredith breathed.

"Meredith," I said loudly enough to force her to look at me. "You told me you'd tell me. You cannot lie to me."

"My abdomen," she whispered. "It hurts. Like, like contractions."

"It can't be contractions," I looked up at Addie terrified. "She's only 6 months, it can't be contractions."

Addie rushed over and bent down next to Meredith, "Meredith, listen to me. Listen. I need you to tell me how long it's been hurting. Have they gotten closer together? More intense?" Meredith didn't say anything and Addison turned to look at me. "Derek, I need her to answer me."

"I...I...I don't know," I sputtered. "She...she's been in and out of pain all day but she just said that it was her back, that it was normal." I felt awful, I felt more than awful. I shouldn't have listened to her, I should have insisted that she'd slowed down, that we go get her checked out. Meredith avoided things, I should have known.

"It was my back," Meredith whispered. "But this...this has been off and on. No pattern to it. Not more intense or even closer together."

"You should have told me," I whispered gently, my hand tangling itself in hers. "She's going to be alright, right Addie? Her and my princess...they have to, they're going to be alright, right?"

"Mark," Addie looked over at her boyfriend, "carry Meredith upstairs for me, please. Derek, do you have a blood pressure cuff and a stethoscope lying around the house?"

I nodded. "I have some stuff in my closet, that I used to use in med school."

"Go get it," she ordered. "And then come right back down here. I need you to be out of my way while I'm examining her."

"But...but..." Addison gave me a warning look, so I ran upstairs to get what she needed. My heart was thudding in my chest, my head felt like it wasn't attached, like I was just running on auto-pilot. I had done my rotations in ob/gyn. I knew six months was too early. I knew it was bad. But I couldn't lose Meredith. We couldn't lose our daughter.

After I gave her the things she needed, Mark carried Meredith upstairs and I paced the floor frantically, my breath coming in short gasps. "Der, it's going to be fine," Nancy assured me.

"You don't know that," I snapped at her.

"Derek, I'm an ob/gyn," she reminded me. "From what Meredith was describing, it sounds like false labor."

I stopped pacing and took a few deep breaths. "You sure?" I asked my sister.

"Well, not one hundred percent, but yes," Nancy nodded. "The fact that they had no pattern to them, that it was her stomach hurting, the fact that they weren't getting anymore intense. It sounds like Braxton Hicks."

"Braxton Hicks? That's nothing bad right? It won't hurt the baby?" I asked, desperately needing answers.

"No," she shook her head. "They're just practice contractions, basically. Getting the body ready for labor and delivery. Most women get them. Though few get them as early as Meredith. They were probably stress-induced."

"God, I wish I could get her to relax more," I complained, running my hands through my hair. "The woman refuses to stop, she worries about everything, she always has to be moving. She just keeps pushing."

"That's why I've put her on forty eight hour bed rest," Addie came down the stairs.

"Addie," I said turning around and hugging her tightly. "Is she okay? Are both of them okay?"

"From what I can tell, yes," Addison nodded. "They stopped the second we got her lying down. It was false labor, Derek, brought on by stress. And your daughter was moving up a storm while I was doing the exam."

"She moves around a lot," I laughed, blinking back tears. "Thanks, Addison."

"No problem," she squeezed my arm. "But she's on bed rest for forty eight hours. And keep a close watch on her, Derek. If they come back and they're intense and she's getting them every four or five minutes, you call me. Do you understand?"

"Of course," I nodded. "I'll be calling you if they come back at all."

"And Meredith wanted me to apologize to everyone on her behalf for ruining dinner," Addison said to the family.

"Derek's right, Meredith worries too much," my mom laughed from her place at the table. "We should all go home, give Derek and his family sometime to relax."

Everyone nodded and began moving to grab their coats. "Derek," Addison turned to me, lowering her voice.

"Yeah?" I asked her, a little worried.

"Her blood pressure was through the roof," she told me quietly. "I consider it a miracle she didn't suffer a stroke. I also think she may be anemic. I need you to bring her in tomorrow for some tests."

"I will. Should I...should I be worried?" I asked her.

"Not yet," she smiled at me. "Just keep her in bed. And don't let her clean house again."

"I fought with her all day about that," I groaned.

"She told me," Addison nodded as Mark helped her put on her coat. "You can go see her. We can let ourselves out."

"Thanks," I nodded moving to head up the stairs. "Oh and Addie, welcome to the family."

"Thanks," she smiled. "It's been fun so far."

I smiled and headed up the stairs. I felt like an idiot. I was supposed to be watching out for her. I was supposed to take care of her. I shouldn't have let her clean the house, I shouldn't have let her have everyone over for supper, not until after the baby. Tonight had mainly been for me, not even for her, and I shouldn't have let her do it. She had to come first.

I entered the room and found her on her side, reading a book. She looked up when I came in. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, Mer, it's not your fault," I whispered, climbing into the bed and pulling her into my arms.

"I just wanted everything to be perfect for you," she murmured.

"I know, I know. I shouldn't have let you push so hard. A fight might have been healthier than you pushing so hard," I whispered.

"She's fine," Meredith looked up at me, her hand on her belly.

"She's fine," I nodded. "But Addison's worried about you."

"Why?" Meredith asked. "She told me the false labor was normal."

"It is," I nodded. "But really high blood pressure isn't."

"Oh," Meredith sighed.

"Meredith, you're pregnant. You're 6 months pregnant and a good portion of it was hell on your body. Which was my fault. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. You have to take care of yourself, you have to let me take care of you," I told her, pulling her close.

"Daddy Derek?" Dillon stood in the doorway of our room, his eyes red and puffy.

"Dillon? You okay?" I asked him, sitting up and opening my arms for him to come climb onto the bed.

He came forward and climbed into my arms before turning to Meredith. "Mommy, are you gonna go away?"

"Oh no, baby, I'm okay. It was just a scare with your sister, but we're both okay now," Meredith said.

"I thought you were gonna go away like Derek's daddy," Dillon cried as he cuddled up to his mother.  
"I'm not going anywhere," Meredith said pulling him close to her.

"Okay," he whispered. "I love you. And my sister can have the big play room."

"I love you too, Dill." she whispered, kissing his forehead. "And thank you." He was drifting off to sleep, and so was she, but first she looked at me and said, "I don't need a knight in shining whatever, you know."

"I know," I nodded, "But you're stuck with one anyway."

She smiled softly and said, "You can take care of me, Derek. I won't scare you again."

"Thank you," I smiled in relief. I slipped out of my pants and climbed in bed with my two favourite people. Downstairs was full of dishes, it would be a huge mess for me to clean tomorrow, but that would wait. Right now I wanted to go to bed with my family.

_"I'll walk with you through every storm, I'll keep you safe, I'll keep you warm, and you'll have no doubt, you're the one I'm living for"_


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: We don't own GA...but maybe we should. We apologize in advance.**

I woke up to sun streaming through the windows. That wasn't usual. There was never sun in Seattle. And more importantly, I never woke up this late. Usually I was up too early to see what the weather would be like. But not today. Today was good. Dillon still slept beside me, peaceful for once. And beside Dill was his beautiful mother, smiling in her sleep. Life was good. I watched my little family sleep, Dill curled up in a ball, Sam clutched in his arms. Meredith was on her side, her hand resting, even in sleep, on her stomach. I put my hand lightly over hers, so as not to wake her, and thrilled when I felt a small ripple. "Hey, little girl," I whispered, "go back to sleep so Mommy can sleep." I smiled for a moment and then stood up, making my way downstairs to clean up the remnants of last night's dinner.

The place was a mess but I didn't really care. Last night had been wonderful, stressful but wonderful. It was nice having my family together again. Nicer knowing that Meredith had made it happen. And now I had to get this mess cleaned up before Meredith woke up and wanted to do it herself. She was on bed rest and there was no way I was going to let her move. I threw away the food, knowing it was all spoiled anyway, and started doing dishes, amazed that it was ten o'clock. I couldn't even remember the last time I had slept in this late. I was always at work by this time, usually doing a surgery. But now, now, Mer and I were taking a few months off. And Dillon was on summer vacation. I could sleep in. "Der?"

"Meredith?" I said turning around. "You are not supposed to be up."

She waved her hand. "Coming down the stairs to find my missing fiance and get a glass of milk isn't technically breaking bed rest," she said. "Addison just didn't want me over exerting myself."

"You could have just yelled," I told her, heading to the fridge to grab the milk for her.

"Dill's sleeping," she shrugged. "And I'm not going to yell for you every time I need you. I can walk around. I feel fine."

"Meredith, you're on bed rest," I told her, handing her the glass of milk and starting to lead her back upstairs.

"But I don't want to stay in bed," she whined. "I'll go crazy. Come on, Derek, let's just stay down here. Really, I feel great. No pain."

"If you want to stay down here, you are staying on the couch. We can watch movies all day or something," I said, turning her towards the living room.

"Seriously?" she stared at me. "You seriously want me to just lay down all day?"

"Mer, it's not about what I want. I want to ravage you on the counter again. However, Addison wants you to lay around all day. And she's the baby doctor," I laughed.

"Oh," she breathed, stopping the middle of the hallway to kiss me deeply. "I like the way you think. You're a doctor too, you know."

"Brain doctor. I'm a brain doctor. Addison is a baby doctor. And she said bed rest. So well... bed," I said, trying to guide her to the couch.

"I can think of fun things to do in a bed," she breathed, reaching up to take off my t-shirt.

"Meredith, no. Bed rest means no sex," I told her, moving her hands away from my shirt.

"What can I do then?" she sighed, staring at me, her hand on her hip.

"You can rest and take care of my princess," I smiled, my hands lnading on her stomach.

She covered my hands with hers. "She's been moving a lot," she whispered. "She woke me up."

I laughed and crouched down to look directly at her belly. "Princess, I told you not to wake her up."

She laughed and ran her fingers through my hair. "What do you think she'll look like?" she asked as I kissed her stomach.

"Hopefully just like you, but with my hair," I replied, stretching back up to kiss her.

"She'll have your eyes," she smiled. "And your hair. Maybe your smile."

"As long as she doesn't have my nose. We don't need Dill thinking his little sister has a funny nose," I laughed, leading her to the couch again.

She giggled and laid down. "You have to sit with me if I'm going to have to stay on the couch all day. Though...maybe I want to be in the bed instead. Once Dillon wakes up."

"I'm going to finish cleaning up and then I will be yours for the rest of day," I said, pressing my nose against hers.

"Mommy? Daddy Derek?" Dillon came into the room, his hair in all directions, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hey bud!" I greeted him. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Sam and me are hungry."

"Well then, we have to get you and Sam some breakfast," I said, patting Meredith's knee and getting off the couch.

"Mommy too," Dillon said.

"Definitely Mommy," I nodded.

"Can I watch toons?" he asked, his thumb going up to his mouth.

"Dillon, hun, don't suck on your thumb. You haven't done that since you were little," Meredith ordered.

"I saw Sullivan's little sister doing it," he said. "Will my little sister suck her thumb?"

"Maybe," I answered. "But big boys, big boys that are getting their own play rooms, big boys don't suck thumbs."

He shrugged and turned on the tv, changing it to Nick Jr. "Derek," Meredith said, standing up, "I'm going to come help you with breakfast."

"Meredith, bed rest does not involve making breakfast," I argued.

"Derek," she said, giving me a look, "I'm helping you with breakfast. So Dillon can watch cartoons. And we can talk." She stressed the word talk.

"Okay, but you do exactly what I ask, even if it involves sitting down," I nodded, my arms crossed.

"I will," she nodded, taking my arm and leading me to the kitchen, sitting down in a chair and propping her legs up. "See? Feet up. Not moving. Resting."

"Good," I said, starting to grab the ingredients for pancakes. Today was a pancake today. "So talk."

"I'm worried about Dill," she stated.

"The thumb sucking?" I asked.

"The thumb sucking, the tantrums," she sighed. "I talked to your mom about it yesterday because she saw him sucking his thumb. He's almost seven, Derek. He shouldn't be sucking his thumb or throwing tantrums. Anyway, your mom said you did all of those things when Erin was born."

"I did?" I winced. Erin and I were the same age apart as Dillon and the baby. And the idea of a seven year old me sucking my thumb was not pretty.

"Yes," she nodded. "She said she even took you to a doctor who said it was called regressing or something."

"Regressing? Did she have any advice on what we should do?" I said, measuring out the milk.

"She said we had to nip it in the bud," she giggled at the phrase. "Because she said you were even climbing into cribs and acting like you couldn't talk anymore. She said we should involve Dill in all of the plans."

"I most definitely didn't do any crib climbing. She's confusing me with my twin brother, he died," I laughed. "And we can do that, involve Dill on all of our plans. Why wouldn't he be involved?"

"Of course you didn't," she rolled her eyes. "And she said really involve him. In everything. Picking a name. Doctor's appointments. Shopping. Everything. We have to make him feel like a big boy."

"We can do that," I nodded, thinking of the list. "Name. We need a name."

"We do need a name," she smiled, her hand resting on her stomach."

"Today. The three of us are picking a name today," I nodded, stirring the batter.

"It took me most of my pregnancy to come up with a name for Dillon," she laughed. "A day is really ambitious."

"I'm an ambitious person," I smiled. "Remember the chasing? I chased you, I was ambitious. And I got you. So we can name the baby in a day."

"So it was all about the chase, huh?" she asked. "Winning me?"

"It was fun, wasn't it?" I laughed.

"Daddy Derek?" Dillon came in, his thumb back in his mouth.

"No sucking thumbs, bud," I told him.

He shrugged, but kept his thumb in his mouth, taking it only to ask, "Pancakes?"

"Nearly ready. But no pancakes till the thumb comes out of your mouth, only big boys eat pancakes," I said, concentrating on flipping one.

"What if my sister likes pancakes?" he asked, his thumb coming out of his mouth for a minute. "And she sucks her thumb?"

"She won't be eating pancakes until she's a big girl and not sucking her thumb anymore," I explained. I knew that might not be one hundred percent true, but I was lying for a good cause.

"Sullivan says his sister pulls his hair," he told me. "Will my sister pull my hair?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "We'll have to wait till your sister gets here. Which by the way, Mommy and I were talking and we think your sister needs a name."

"Okay," he shrugged.

"So maybe after breakfast the three of us can sit down and decide on one together," I said, looking from Dillon to Meredith, who was just sitting in her chair, smiling at our interaction.

"Fred," Dillon suggested, a small smile on his face.

"We can't name your sister Fred," Meredith laughed.

"Magenta," he said next. "Like on Blue's Clues!"

"Magenta Elaine Shepherd," I said, pretending to actually think of the option. "Doesn't sound right."

"Oh, I don't know," Meredith giggled. "We could call her Maggie."

"Maggie is nice," I nodded. "But Magenta? You sure, bud?"

"Maybe not," he shook his head, frowning. "Mommy, can't we name her after Dr. Grey?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, him looking confused.

"Well, Daddy Derek said my sister's middle name is like his mommy's name," he explained. "So then we can name her like your mommy."

"Oh," Meredith said, panic in her eyes. "I umm...I don't know, Dill. Ellis. Ellis Elaine Shepherd. I don't know."

"Bet it would make her come visit," he said wisely.

"She...she...I don't think, no, she doesn't have to visit," Meredith squirmed in her chair, not meeting my concerned look. I had always known that Mer and her mom's relationship was a lot less than perfect, but never had pressed for details. Now I wondered.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Maybe you're right, Mommy. It sounds funny."

"Any other ideas, bud?" I asked him. I wanted him to come up with the name, I had a feeling it would help a lot.

"Hmmm," he said, scrunching up his face. "Maybe later. What do you think, Daddy Derek?"

"I think later is a good idea. We can all think about it and talk later," I nodded, serving the pancakes, happy to see Dillon smiling again.

"Hey, Der," Meredith looked up at me as I put her pancakes down in front of her. "Could you get me some mayo please?"

"What?" I asked, stopping in my tracks.

"Mayo," she repeated.

"What exactly do you want mayo for?" I asked, giving Dillon a disgusted look causing him to giggle.

"For my pancakes," she shrugged. "I just got a craving for mayo."

"You...want...mayo...on...your...pancakes?" I repeated slowly.

"Yes," she nodded.

"That's disgusting," I informed her, but went to get the mayo anyway. Because I knew Meredith, if I didn't get it, she would. She was on bed rest. Or in her case she was on chair rest.

"Would you rather I ask for sardines?" she asked. "Though, this time I've had weird cravings. With Dillon, I always wanted mashed potatoes. All the time."

"Mashed potatoes is a lot better than mayo on pancakes," I nodded, kissing her quickly as I took my own seat.

Dillon poured syrup on his pancakes and pushed them over to me to cut them. "Mommy, what else?"

'What else what?" Meredith asked, smearing mayo on her pancakes. My stomach turned at the sight.

"When I was in your tummy," he said. "What else did you do?"

"Oh," she nodded. "I wasn't as sick with you. And I talked to you a lot, read to you every night, played music for you. I wanted to make sure you were smart,"

"I am smart!" he grinned.

"You are," she smiled. "Sometimes too smart."

"Why don't you read to my sister?" he asked.

"I do," she nodded and then frowned. "Not as much as I should though. I've been busier this time."

"Can my sister hear us?" he asked.

"No one really knows, bud," I explained. "No one really knows if babies can hear when they are in their mommies tummies. But a lot of people do think they can, that it helps them when they're ready to be born."

He suddenly got a worried look on his face and he frowned, biting his lower lip. "Oh, oh," he whispered.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked.

"That means my sister heared me call her stupid," he said quietly.

"Oh bud, it's okay. Sisters and brothers call each other stupid all the time. They still love each other," I comforted.

He got down from his chair and went over to Meredith's stomach. "Sorry, sister. I didn't mean to call you stupid."

"She'll forgive you," Meredith said, pulling her son into her arms.

He hugged his mother tightly and then giggled. "Mommy, your tummy kicked me."

"That was your sister," she laughed.

"Really?" he stared at her. "Make her do it again."

"She only does it when she wants to," Meredith explained. "But I'm sure if you keep your hands on my belly long enough you'll feel it, she's pretty busy."

"What's she doing?" he asked, moving his little hands to Mer's stomach.

"Right now, she's moving around a bit," Meredith said, smiling at me.

"It feels funny!" Dillon giggled. "Daddy Derek, you gotta feel it!"

I moved out of my chair and headed towards them, letting my hands cover the part of Mer's belly where Dillon's weren't. I had felt the baby move a zillion times, usually against my own stomach, but Dillon was so caught up in the moment I didn't want to let it pass. "It does feel funny," I nodded in agreement.

"Mommy, does it feel funny?" he asked, looking up at Mer for an unanimous opinion.

"It does feel funny," she nodded.

Suddenly, I heard my cell phone ringing and Dillon took his hands away. "I got it!" he yelled, running out of the room.

I kissed Meredith deeply, leaving my hands on her stomach. "I love you, even though you taste like pancakes and mayo," I whispered.

She smiled and kissed me a little deeper, her tongue slipping into my mouth. "Daddy Derek!" Dillon called. "It's Addson!"

I quickly kissed Meredith again and went to grab the phone. "Addison?"

"Hey Derek," she greeted me. "How's Meredith?"

"She's good. She refuses to stay in bed, but she's sitting down in the kitchen," I laughed.

"No more Braxton Hicks?" she asked after a slight laugh. "Or any contractions in general?"

"She said there's been no pains. And I believe her. She looks relaxed, happy," I smiled into the phone.

"Good," I could tell she was nodding on the other end. "I still want her to come in for some tests though, and an ultrasound, just to make sure everything's okay."

" We will. We're having quite the lazy day, just finishing up breakfast now. The three of us will be in sometime this afternoon," I informed her.

"Okay," she said. "I have half an hour free around one thirty, if you could try to make it then."

"We'll be there. Thanks, Addie," I told her.

"No problem," she replied. "Have a good lazy day. And tell Meredith to stay off her feet."

"I'm trying," I laughed, hanging up the phone and heading back to the kitchen to find Dillon standing beside Meredith, his hands firmly on her stomach.

"What did Addison want?" Meredith asked as Dillon giggled.

"Just checking up on you," I said, starting to clear the plates off the table. "We have to go see her around 1:30."

"Why?" she asked. "I feel fine."

"She just wants to check on you after the scare yesterday," I told her.

Meredith sighed and ran her hand over Dillon's small ones. "I feel fine. I really do. Yesterday, yesterday was weird and strange. But I feel fine now."

"I know, Mer. But you have to get checked. You promised you'd let me take care of you," I reminded.

"Fine," she sighed. "But I feel good."

"I know. And I'm happy. But still, Addison, this afternoon," I nodded.

"Okay, okay," she nodded. "Hey, Dill, you're going to have move your hands, Mom has to go to the bathroom."

Dillon giggled and moved away. "Want to help me with the dishes, bud?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he nodded and moved over to the dishwasher, his hands ready to take a plate off my hands. "Daddy Derek, what name do you like for my sister?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. It had been so long since I had thought possible that I would one day have children I had stopped thinking. And even now, so much had been happening with Mom, I hadn't had time to think.

"You have to know one name," he said, giving me a look that very much resembled Mer's doubtful look.

"Jennifer?" I asked.

"Hmm," he said. "I don't know. What about Molly?"

"Molly? Hmm...I don't think so," I said.

He was quiet for a minute as he put the dishes in the dishwasher. "Daddy Derek?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"If my mommy had a brother in her tummy, would you name him like your daddy?" he asked.

"Maybe," I nodded. "It would be nice."

"What was your daddy's name?" he looked up at me.

"William," I answered.

"That's a nice name," Meredith came up behind us, sneaking her arms around my waist. "But not good for a girl, I think."

"No, not so much, maybe our next one," I agreed.

"Definitely," Meredith nodded, kissing the back of my neck. "What about Emily?"

"Emily Elaine?" I asked, my voice full of doubt.

"True," she laughed. "Do you have any ideas, Dill? Mommy's bad at this."

"I don't know," Dillon answered, deep in thought.

"Der?" she asked. "I haven't heard any thoughts from you on what to name our very active daughter,"

"I suggested Jennifer but this one didn't like it," I pointed to Dillon. "Rebecca?"

"I got one! I got one!" Dillon suddenly screamed, nearly dropping the plate he was holding.

"What?" I asked, reaching out to steady the plate.

"My music teacher at school is really pretty," he said excitedly. "And her name is Megan."

"Megan? Megan Elaine Shepherd? Mer, what do you think?" I asked.

"I like it," she said. "Actually, I love it. But it's up to you, Der."

"Megan," I said, nodding slowly. "Meggie, my princess Meggie."

Meredith wrapped her arms around my waist again. And suddenly, I felt the familiar feeling of the kick against my back and then Meredith laughed. "I think Princess Meggie likes it."

"You can't call her Princess Meggie," I shook my head. "She's my princess."

"Well fine," Meredith pouted, releasing her arms from my waist and hugging Dillon. "I have a Prince Dill."

"I like being your prince, Mom," he smiled hugging her back.

"You'll always be my prince," she smiled at him. "Now, when are those dishes going to be done?"

"Just finished," I answered putting the last one away. "And you my queen, should be laying down."

"Derek," she sighed.

"Meredith," I responded.

"I'm fine, really," she repeated for the fiftieth time that morning. "This bed rest thing...it's...well...it's a little silly. I'm fine. Megan's fine. We're both fine."

"Meredith, Addison says differently. So bed rest, now," I said, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the kitchen.

"I hate this," she mumbled under her breath

"You should have thought about that before cleaning the entire house yesterday," I told her, ducking from a well place slap.

"I did that for you," she said scathingly. "And what kind of thanks do I get?"

"An entire day of resting in bed?" I suggested rather hopefully.

"Of complete boredom," she shot back. "Doing nothing but resting in bed. I should be at work. You should be at work. Saving peoples' lives."

"We should be here, taking care of our family," I told her, my voice calm, trying not to laugh at her adorable ranting.

"Our family is fine," she shook her head. "Think of all the poor people dying of bizarre brain diseases because you're here making your very pregnant girlfriend lie down all day."

"I'm not the only neurosurgeon in Seattle," I laughed. "Nobody will die of bizarre brain diseases."

"You're the head neurosurgeon," she reminded me and then sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. I really don't."

"I like crazy," I kissed her quickly. "I'm used to crazy."

"So I'm crazy?" she glared at me.

"In the most adorable, lovely way," I tried to save myself.

"So I'm crazy?" she repeated.

I shook my head quickly. "No."

"But you just said I was," she pointed out as I led her up the stairs to our bedroom.

"It was a lie, a joke. You're not crazy. You're...amazing. Yep. Amazing," I said hurriedly.

"So you lied to me?" she asked. I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair. It looked like the pregnancy hormones were taking control of her emotions.

"It wasn't a lie, Mer. It was a...I don't know," I answered, ushering her into our bedroom.

"Mommy!" Dillon came running up the stairs, effectively saving me from any other mood swings from my fiancee. "Mommy, can I go to Charlie's house for a while?"

"Yeah," Meredith answered, "But be back by one so you can come see Addison with us."

"Okay!" he said. "He has a new tree house we're gonna play in!"

"Be careful," I warned as Dillon tore down the stairs and out the door.

"So...now you're stuck with your crazy fiancee," Meredith said as she laid down on the bed. "You better be careful. You never know what us crazies will do."

"I love you," I whispered, crawling into bed beside her.

"But I'm crazy," she said wildly as she turned onto her side.

"I like crazy. You've met my best friend. I embrace crazy," I said, pulling her close to me.

"I'm carrying your child," she stared at me. "I'm carrying your child and have been through hell and you call me crazy?"

"Mer, relax. I was just kidding around. You're not crazy, you're perfect," I said, nodding as I propped myself on an elbow above her.

"I'm not perfect," she sighed. "My ankles are swollen."

"Because you're carrying my princess Meggie. Makes you pretty damn perfect to me," I said, kissing her.

She deepened the kiss, her fingers reaching up to play with my hair, her tongue slipping into my mouth. "Der," she breathed.

"Mer, I'm not quite sure Addie meant this when she suggested bed rest," I breathed, my hand traveling to gently cup her breast.

"Derek?" she moaned a little.

"Mer, I don't want to hurt you or Meggie," I breathed, kissing her neck.

"We're fine," her hands went down to my sweats, caressing me lightly through the fabric.

"God, Mer," I breathed, feeling myself grow hard underneath her hand. "I just...no sex...we can't...no sex."

"Who said anything about sex?" she asked as she kissed me hard and began slipping my sweats off.

"Hmmm..." I moaned, pushing my tongue far into her mouth. She still tasted like pancakes and mayo but that was okay. She felt too damn good to complain about any taste. Her hand stroked gently over my erection, causing my body to tingle with desire.

She continued her stroking with one hand, gradually picking up the rhythm as she trailed her nails of the other hand against my naked thigh, sending slight shockwaves through my body. "Derek," she whispered in my ear.

I moaned softly as she bit my ear. My hand traveled under her shirt, caressing her soft breast, stroking softy, feeling her body hum with desire.

She quickened her stroking of my erection, stopping for a second as I stroked her nipple and she moaned loudly. "I need you," she moaned.

"Mer..."I breathed hard. "I...I don't know if we should."

She started stroking me again and breathed, "Please, Der. Please. I need you inside me."

"Mer..." I knew it was probably not the best idea but her stroking me like that, I couldn't say no. A man only had so much will power. Besides orgasms were good for relieving stress. An orgasm would be good. I pulled off her pants. "We have to be careful."

She nodded quickly as she raised her hips to me, dragging my lips down to her own as she kissed me deeply. "Please."

I slid inside her, she was wet and ready for me, shaking with desire. I pushed myself deeper into her, more gentle than usual, taking my time, moving slowly, my hands caressing her skin as we began to move together, taking our time. She moaned underneath me as she kissed me, her hands gripping my back with each gentle thrust and rise of her hips. I watched as she closed her eyes in ecstasy, making a sound between a moan and a small pleasured breath, my body responding to the perfection of being in her, of watching her below me as we made love. Her body began to shiver as her orgasm started to sweep over her. Meredith's orgasm was the most familiar feeling in the world, the way her body started to tremble and then tense underneath me. The way she would release suddenly, gasping my name and left panting and shaking in my hands. I craved Meredith like that.

"God, Der," she gasped. Her orgasms were more intense since becoming pregnant, and this one seemed to be no different. She gripped me tightly as if she were holding onto me for support as it came over her, her breathing coming in ragged gasps.

"Mer...Mer..."I muttered back, the spasms of her body pushing me over the edge as I pumped hard a last couple of times as my body released, my own orgasm taking over me, leaving me shaking in her arms.I rolled to the side of her, careful of her belly as I breathed deeply, trying to steady my breathing as she panted next to me, her forehead covered with beads of sweat. Her hands went to her stomach and she took a few steadying breaths. "Wow," she gasped.

"You okay?" I asked, trying to stead my own breath.

She nodded desperately. "I...I," she gasped, trying to steady her breathing. "Bed rest isn't bad," she finally managed with a shaky laugh.

"That was not bed rest," I laughed. "And we're not telling Addison about it."

"You think she's not going to know?" she giggled. "She does my pelvic exam, you know."

"I'll deny it to my dying breath," I stated completely seriously.

"She didn't say no sex," Meredith assured me. "Actually, she told me once that sex is very good for expectant mothers."

"Was that before or after she put you on bed rest?" I asked.

"Ummmm, before," she admitted. "But it was when you were...um...well, you were busy and I was stressed. And my blood pressure was high."

"Well we'll just pretend you were feeling stressed out," I said, moving out of the bed. "We should get ready to go, by the way.'

"I thought I was supposed to stay in bed," she giggled.

"You are impossible. And you do have to stay in bed, but you also have to go get checked out by your doctor," I said throwing a shirt her way.

I turned towards the closet, to grab a pair of jeans when I heard a soft gasp, "Oh."

"Mer?" I turned around, looking at her.

She had her hands on her belly. "Yeah?"

"Is Megan okay?" I asked, walking over, naked and carrying a pair of jeans.

"She's fine," Meredith giggled. "I just think she has the hiccups."

"She has the hiccups?" I asked laughing.

"Yeah," Mer laughed. "It feels very strange. I don't think you can feel it. But she does. I think. And she's moving like crazy."

"I don't think she likes when I have sex with you," I shook my head, slipping on a pair of boxers.

"Well, would you?" she asked. "I mean, seriously. Would you like the idea of your parents having sex while you were in your mom's tummy?"

"I don't like the idea of my parents having sex period," I said, wincing.

"Exactly," she giggled and then get off the bed, pulling on her maternity shirt. "You realize we smell like sex, don't you?"

"Too late to do anything about that," I sighed, hearing the door open downstairs as Dillon let himself back into the house.

Meredith sighed and pulled on a pair of jeans, frowning as she tried to button them. "Ugh," she groaned.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"They don't fit," she stared at the jeans. "They fit last week. Izzie told me I should have gotten the kind you can let out, but I didn't. And now my jeans don't fit. Your daughter is making me fat."

"Mer, you're not fat, you're pregnant. Just throw on sweats or grab a pair of my scrubs," I suggested.

"Now you'll see how terrible I look in scrubs," she laughed as she dug a pair out of our closet, slipping them on and tying them.

"You look sexy," I said, kissing her quickly, before I headed out of the room to find Dillon.

We finally made it out the door, Dillon insisting on taking Sam to see his sister. "Daddy Derek, how come you're not at the hospal today?" he asked.

"I'm taking some time off till Megan comes," I answered. "To take care of your mommy and you."

"Oh," he nodded. "Will Uncle Mark be at work?"

"Yeah, he should be there," I nodded.

"Good," he nodded.

We reached the hospital. It was strange not being here, and knowing I wouldn't be here for a few months. I worked, it's what I did. Since I had finished school I hadn't taken one vacation, it's what made me one of the best. And now I was taking months off, it felt weird.

I ran and get a wheelchair for Mer, not wanting Addie to bitch at me for letting Mer be on her feet. "Seriously, Derek?" Meredith rolled her eyes as she got into the wheelchair.

"If you walk, Addie will yell at me," I shrugged.

"You're such a baby," Meredith sighed as I wheeled her to the elevators, being stopped once or twice by some coworkers.

We reached the floor and headed to Addison's office, chatting together happily, about what we still had to pick up for Megan's nursery and what we would get done when. It felt good. And I felt good about the appointment today. Meredith was relaxed, she was happy. Everything would be fine.

"Hey," Addie came into the room in her scrubs, a couple minutes late, smelling of surgery. "Sorry I'm late. Unexpected complications."

"It's fine. We didn't even notice," I answered, giving Addie a quick hug.

"How are you feeling, Mer?" she asked as she sat down behind her desk, pulling her scrub cap off. "Derek says there's no pain."

"There isn't," Meredith nodded, squeezing my hand. "Today has been good."

"Good," she smiled. "I just want to run a few blood tests, take your blood pressure, and we can do a really quick ultrasound. I have another surgery at 2:45."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, smiling at me. Obviously she was feeling good about today.

"Great," Addison nodded. "So let's get into exam room 11 and we can do this. How are you doing today, Dillon?"

"I'm good," Dillon nodded, smiling broadly. "I named my baby sister!"

"Oh yeah?" Addison grinned. "What's her name?"

"Megan Elaine Shepherd," Dillon nodded proudly.

"That's a beautiful name," Addison said as she opened the door for us, stepping aside as I wheeled Meredith into the room. "Good job, Dillon."

"Thank you," Dillon nodded. And then made a face. "Daddy Derek wanted to name her Rebecca."

"Gross," Addison laughed as she rolled up Mer's sleeve and quickly took some blood. After that was done, she got the blood pressure cuff and quickly took Mer's blood pressure. I expected the usual frown but Addie smiled. "It's good today, Mer. It's excellent actually."

"Really?" Meredith asked, smiling, looking hopeful.

"Really," Addison nodded. "Back down to normal. That's rare, by the way. Usually women with high blood pressure during pregnancy have to go on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. So be happy yours went down."

"Thank god," Meredith sighed. "Bed rest is hell."

Addie laughed and then turned to prepare the ultrasound equipment. "Okay, Mer," she said, "if you just want to lie down, we can make sure that Megan is okay and then you can go back home to bed rest hell."

"Sounds good," Meredith said, shifting in the bed.

She pulled up her shirt and Dillon watched with interest as Addie spread the jelly on Meredith's belly before bringing the probe down, moving it around until an image of our daughter appeared on the screen. I squeezed Mer's hand tight as we watched Addie look at the screen. "Is that Megan?" Dillon finally broke the silence.

"That's Megan," I answered. It felt different now that she had a name. More real.

"Wow," Dillon breathed as he moved around the bed to stand next to Addie. "She's small."

"She's still pretty young, Dillon," Addison answered.

"Is she okay?" Meredith asked, concern tinging her voice.

"She looks great, Meredith. There doesn't seem to be any problems," Addison answered.

"Oh good," Meredith sighed, leaning her head back.

"So we can go home?" I asked.

"You can go home," Addison nodded. "Though, Derek, I do have an infant born with a very interesting spinal deformity I thought you might want to take a look at."

"Can't," I smiled. "I'm officially on vacation. Staying home to take care of my girls and my big boy."

"Good for you," she smiled. "Though, I hear we're getting a very special guest of some sort next week. The Chief will probably ask you to come back." She reached over to turn off the machine. "Say goodbye to Megan, Dillon."

"Bye Megan!!" Dillon said, waving to the screen and then going and placing his hand on Meredith's stomach.

"Okay," Addison laughed, turning off the machine. "Everything looks great. I'll see you in a month, Meredith. But don't hesitate to call me if anything, and I mean, anything, off seems to be happening. Dillon, you have to take care of your mom and sister, okay?"

"Yep," Dillon nodded, obviously taking the role of protector seriously.

"Good," Addison smiled and then looked down at her beeping pager. "I'll see you all later. Mark was talking about dinner sometime soon. But he talks a lot and never does anything, so who knows."

"I'll get on him to plan something," I said, helping Meredith off the table and handing her her clothes.

"Great," Addison said and then grabbed her pager and was out the door in a run, something I hadn't seen her do very often.

"Wonder what's up?" I wondered allowed, waiting for Meredith to return from the washroom.

"Emergcy," Dillon grinned. "Daddy says when he gets a page, he has to run."

"It's true, I'm definitely not going to miss my pager this summer," I laughed.

Meredith came out of the washroom, fully dressed and smiled at me, "I told you everything was good. Now, can we go? And without the wheelchair, please."

"Fine," I laughed, grabbing her hand and heading out.

We were in the elevator when my cell phone rang and my pager went off. I frowned and looked at it, wondering who in the world was paging me, I was off. "Daddy Derek, you've gotta run," Dillon reminded me.

"I don't know," I said gazing at the pager that said 911 and then looking at Meredith. "I'm off."

My cell phone stopped ringing and my pager beeped again, paging me to the ER. "Derek, maybe you should check it out," she said as we walked out of the elevator.

"I will," I answered, grabbing her hand to bring her and Dillon with me.

We walked to the ER and Dillon stared at the people running around and then suddenly, I thought I saw Mark run past me. "Uncle Mark!" Dillon called.

"You guys got here fast," Mark exclaimed sounding relieved.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked, her hand on her stomach.

"It's Mom," Mark responded.

And then suddenly, a curtain was drawn back and I heard thousands of beeping machines as Addison worked to make my mother start breathing again.

_It's not fair, I found love..._


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's...well Patrick would be winning awards out his ass. Hmmmm...Paddy's ass.**

I stared at the machines, my heart pounding in my ears as Addison barked orders at the doctors and nurses surrounding my mother's lifeless body. Nancy stood off to the side, tears streaming down her face as she tried to breathe. I let go of Meredith's hand and jumped into action. "What the hell happened?" I shouted as I started doing CPR. "And push one of epi!"

"Derek, Derek," Addison's voice came from a distance as I felt her gently tug on my arm. I ignored her.

"How long has she been down?" I asked as I pushed on her chest. My mother was not dying today. Not today. Not when I had had the perfect morning. Not when we had finally chosen my daughter's name. Not today. "Nancy, how long has she been down?"

"I don't know, I got there and...I don't know," Nancy answered in tears.

"Derek," Addison murmured, trying to take my hands off my mom's chest, "you can't be here. You can't do this."

I ignored her again. My mom needed saving, she needed me. I needed to be here. I couldn't walk away. I couldn't give up. "I...I have to," I choked out.

"Derek, she's been down for a while," Addison said it so softly I could barely hear her.

"No...no..." I kept thudding on her chest. She was not doing this to me, not today.

"Shep..." Mark grabbed my shoulder, trying to drag me away.

"No!" I shouted and shook him off. They might be ready to give up, but I couldn't. I couldn't give up on my mom.

Addison stared at me and then looked over at Mark and he just nodded. She sighed and said, "Okay, push another round of epi."

I considered thank you but Addison was family now, she would get it. My family couldn't loose Mom, not now, not like this. Not when everything in my life was feeling right, not when my son had named my little girl. Not today. Suddenly, magically, the beeping machines quieted and there were steady beeps as my mom started breathing again, as her heart started beating again. "Sinus rhythm," a nurse said, staring at the machine.

Tears racked my body, my shoulders shook violently as I sunk to the floor. She was okay, she was back. Addison stared at me and then snapped back into action. "I need a CT," she ordered. "CBC, Chem 7. Let's go."

"Addison...Addison, take care of her," I asked her, desperately.

"Stay close," she warned me. "We may have to go into surgery."

"I'm not going anywhere," I nodded.

She ran off with my mom, who was still unconscious but breathing. She was breathing. She was alive. Mark reached down to help me off the floor, his arms immediately going around me in a very rare hug. "What the hell?" he asked. "What the hell? She was fine. Yesterday. Yesterday, she was good."

"God, I don't know," I said, hugging my brother tightly. In that moment he as my brother, nothing kind of about him. "Mark, I just don't know."

"I was running late," Nancy sobbed next to us. "Joey had a doctor's appointment and I was running late."

"Nance, it's not your fault," Mark attempted to comfort her.

"She wasn't breathing, Mark," Nancy cried. "She was on the floor and she wasn't breathing. Derek...she was down. She was down. Her brain..."

"It's okay, it's okay," I whispered pulling Nancy into my arms. "We don't know, she might...it will be okay."

"She can't die," Mark rubbed Nancy's back. "She can't. Mom's a fighter. She'll be okay."

"Addie will take care of her. Addie's family, she'll take care of her," I nodded.

"Daddy went so fast," my sister sobbed. "Just like that. One minute, he was fine...the next…"

"I know, I know. But Mom...she'll get through this. She has to...for Megan," I squeaked out my daughter's name.

"Megan?" Mark asked, giving me an odd look.

"Mer and I...and Dillon...we named her today," I said, smiling slightly through my tears.

Mark nodded. "Dr. Shepherd?" an ER intern walked up to us. "Sorry to interrupt, but are you on duty? We have a man who somehow ended up with a two by four in his head...thought you might want to check it out." I thought for a second. Meredith would understand, one case, just quickly looking at it, she would understand. It would take my mind off things...work was good. I wouldn't think if I had to work. Mer would get that. "Dr. Shepherd?" the intern asked quietly.

"Yeah, yeah," I nodded. "I'll go look."

"Derek," Mark said, nodding towards the wall.

"What?" I asked, annoyed.

"Meredith and Dillon," he whispered to me. 

"They...where did they go?" I noticed the spot they had been standing in was now empty.

"No idea," Mark answered. "They were here while you were working on Mom. Dillon looked completely freaked."

"Meredith probably took him to my office," I nodded. "Could you...could you take them home? Tell Mer I'll be home later?"

"Derek..." Mark sighed, a warning somewhere in there.

"Mark, Mer...she knows me, she gets me. She'll understand. And I'm going, I'll go home to them tonight," I urged.

"Derek, you saw her yesterday," he said firmly. "She was in pain. Real pain. She's supposed to be on bed rest, not taking care of Dillon and waiting for you to get home."

"I won't be long. I'm not operating, I'm just looking," I told him. "Please, just...I need to escape. For 5 seconds, I need to escape."

"Fine," he said. "But you're an ass."

"I know," I nodded. And I did. But I couldn't be home right now. Right now I couldn't pretend to be fine for Meredith and Dillon and Megan. It wasn't in me right now.

I went to check out the man with the two by four in his head, examining quickly and then deciding that he needed surgery, immediately. It would be a tough surgery, a very difficult and long surgery, and not a surgery for any other neurosurgeon in the hospital. "Are you going to operate, Dr. Shepherd?" an intern asked me as I wrote orders for a CT scan.

"Yeah, yeah, I am," I nodded. Meredith would understand, she didn't want me taking time off anyway, she'd understand. She always did.

"Very cool," the intern grinned. "How long do you think it will take?"

"I don't know, a few hours at least," I said rubbing my hands through my hair. "You want to scrub in?'

"Definitely," he nodded as he walked beside me. My pager went off and I looked down at it, sighing. Addison. "I'll get his CT, Dr. Shepherd. And I'll see you in the ER."

"I'll be there in a few minutes," I answered, stalking off to find Addison.

Addison was standing in the middle of a circle of my sisters and Mark, my mom's chart in her hand. "Derek!" Leah ran to me, throwing her arms around my neck. "Nancy told us...what you did. Is she...do you think...is she...?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, hugging her tightly.

Addison cleared her throat and we all turned to look at her, tears shining in all of our eyes as we waited for the news. "It was a mixture of her meds and the cancer," she stated frankly, not sugarcoating. "I've spoken to your mom's oncologist and we've agreed it's best to try to evacuate the cancer in her lungs now before it spreads further."

"She needs an operation?" Kathleen asked, sounding terrified.

"Yes," Addison nodded sympathetically. "We're going to try to get the cancer out of her lungs and then start her on a round of aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. She's stable now, but still unconscious."

"Can we go see her?" I asked. I could slip in quickly before I started my own surgery.

"Only for a minute," Addison nodded. "They want to get her in now. Dr. Hahn wants to start the surgery as soon as possible."

"We'll be quick," Nancy nodded.

Addison led us into the room they had Mom in where Cristina Yang was prepping her for surgery, getting ready to wheel off to the OR. "Dr. Montgomery," Yang nodded, "we have to take her in."

"That's fine," Addison nodded. "The family just wanted to see her for a second."

Cristina's eyes met mine and she held back her eye roll and stepped back. "Okay," she stated.

My mom lay in the bed, surrounded by tubes, completely unconscious. She looked peaceful, she looked nearly happy. My heart clenched in my chest. I wanted to go home, I wanted to crawl into Meredith's arms and forget everything. But that wouldn't work. Nothing would work. "Hey, Mommy," Erin whispered as she took my mother's limp hand. "We're all here. We're all going to stay here too. All of us."

With that Addison ushered us out of the room, reassuring us that she would keep us updated. "I have to...I have to go. Surgery," I muttered.

"What?" all five of my siblings, Mark included, stared at me.

"The case...the man has a 2 by 4 in his head. He needs me," I shrugged. "I have to do this."

"Derek," Mark growled.

"Mark, just...let me do this," I pleaded.

"And Meredith?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "What about Meredith?"

"She'll understand," I nodded trying to convince myself. "She'll get it,"

Addison gave me a look that clearly promised me death if Meredith wasn't okay with this. If Meredith's blood pressure went back up. "I'll keep your scrub nurse updated, Dr. Shepherd," she stated.

"Thank you," I nodded turning to leave. I was an ass, I should be there with my family. or at least home with Meredith. I shouldn't be operating. I needed to be operating.

I had always been the best at pushing aside any of my worries and fears during surgery and doing my job. The OR provided comfort, rationality, a plan. I had never been the type to live specifically by plans, I enjoyed the thrill of the chase, of not knowing what would happen next. But when the world was falling apart, when I couldn't hold it together outside of the OR, I was fine in surgery. I could breathe in surgery. And Meredith would get that, she would. I wasn't pushing her away again, I wasn't forgetting to take care of her. I was escaping, for a few hours, I needed the escape that cutting offered. I needed it more than I needed the escape of Meredith's arms. She would understand. Meredith understood me, even when I annoyed her, she understood.

I lost track of time as I let my mind concentrate only on fixing this man. On making sure he lived. On making sure that I could walk out in a few hours and tell his family that he would be fine. He would live. I was meticulous. And focused. More focused than I had ever been before. Because if I let my mind wander from the surgery, I would think of my mother in surgery. I would think of Mer.

The surgery was flawless, it went off perfectly. It had even gone smoother than I expected. And I felt good, I felt like I had done something, saved someone, made someone's family a little happier. Because right now I couldn't save mine, I couldn't make mine happier. But this...this I could do. I was good at this. I was damn good at this. Life was easier with a scalpel in my hand.

I asked a resident to close as I tore off the surgical gown and allowed a nurse to take off the flashlight. I stretched my neck from side to side. The adrenaline rushed through me, but I was calm. My hands were still. I missed the scalpel. I missed this. It had only been a few days, but I missed the escape. I missed knowing what was going to happen.

I felt calm. This was better than pacing, this was better than crying in Mer's arms. This got something done, this was important. Operating was my life, and it made things make sense. And right now it's what I needed. Because I couldn't stomach the thought of going to wait with my family, of standing there and not being able to do anything. I didn't want to be frozen in that moment again.

I scrubbed out of the surgery, listening as the intern babbled on about how cool the surgery had been. "Dr. Shepherd?" a nurse popped her head in. "Dr. Montgomery would like me to let you know that your mother is out of surgery. And she's fine."

"Thank you," I sighed leaning against the counter in relief. Mom was okay, she was out of surgery and she was okay. She'd stay okay, she had. Mom had to be fine.

I walked out of the scrub room, Mark heading straight towards me. "Mom's out," he snapped.

"Yeah, I heard," I sighed, ignoring his anger.

"They got the cancer out of her lungs," he said. "She's in the ICU right now, they want to keep an eye on her before they move her to oncology to start treatment." We stood there for a moment and he growled, "What the hell do you think you're doing, Derek?"

"I'm saving lives, Mark. It's what I do," I responded, meeting his gaze head on.

"I thought you were taking time off," he glared at me, anger and possibly disappointment in his eyes. "To take care of your family. You know, since you did such a brilliant job of it for three months."

"I am taking time off," I sighed. "But tonight I need this. I need to be doing this."

"You don't think Meredith might need you tonight?" he asked. "You don't think your family needs you right now? And Mom?"

"Mark! I can't...I can't do this, not right now. I've been doing this for months. I can't...I just can't anymore. I need...I just can't," I hissed blinking back tears.

"So what?" he asked. "Daddy's big boy is just going to walk away from the family?" It was a low blow. A terribly low blow.

"Don't you dare accuse me of walking away, don't you dare. I've been here for so many months, I've been holding us all together. And I can't. For one damn night I need an escape. So don't you dare," I yelled.

"This is what you do, Shep," he yelled back. "You pretend to be strong. You pretend that you want to take care of the family. And then you walk away. You just walk the fuck away!"

"I can't do it Mark! I can't spend my night there, waiting. I can't! That's not who I am. I don't wait, I act. And this...this is the only thing I can do!" I shouted.

My pager went off and I looked down at it, ER. "Another surgery?" he growled. "What do I tell your sisters?"

"Tell them I'm an ass," I shrugged, walking away.

"Will do," he called after me. "And I'll go check on your pregnant fiance too. Since you obviously aren't going to."

"Go to hell Mark," I answered not bothering to look at him.

I ran down to the ER, hoping there would be several surgeries I could do. My hands were shaking now, they needed to be steady. I needed to breathe again. I needed to know what was going to happen. "Dr. Shepherd," Dr. Miranda Bailey walked forward, "car accident. At least two patients with critical head injuries. Looks like it will be a busy night for you."

"Thank god," I said, smiling at Bailey, relief rushing through my body. I could operate all night. That would be good.

"Glad you don't have anything to get home to," she mumbled. "I can't put my baby to bed, but you're pleased."

I flinched slightly at the suggestion. I had something to go home to, I had plenty to go home to. A son to put to bed, a fiancée to take care of. But I couldn't. If I went home and looked at them, I'd fall apart. Surgery held me together. I pulled back a curtain where doctors were working frantically on my second patient of the day. I quickly examined her, knowing she had a subdural hematoma without really having to order the tests. "Get her into CT," I ordered. "And then schedule her surgery for sometime tonight." This felt good, getting lost in my work, forgetting about all the drama in my own life. Right now other families needed fixing, other families were counting on me. And this I could do, I could give them answers, I could fix things. It was more than I could do for my own family.

There were other patients, other car crash victims. One man with a spine injury who needed surgery immediately. I didn't have time to send him to CT or MRI. I barely had time to rush him up to the OR and scrub in before cutting, my life calming again. My pager beeped and the nurse read off my home number. I chose to ignore it, knowing Meredith would get this. She would understand. She had to understand.

The night flew by, jumping between ORs. Usually I would hate night likes this, I despised nights like that left me aching for a bed. I didn't want a bed tonight. I needed to keep going, to keep cutting, to keep saving lives. I belonged here. Here I still felt like myself.

"That was amazing," an intern breathed for possibly the fifth time that night. "I mean, seriously, Dr. Shepherd, you are amazing."

"Thank you," I said smiling. I needed to hear I was amazing tonight, needed to be reminded that I wasn't useless, that I wasn't powerless.

"Are you done for the night?" she asked. "I've heard you've been working since two thirty. Just doing surgeries non stop."

I looked at the clock on the wall, it was nearly six. Meredith and Dillon would be asleep, sound asleep. And finally my own fatigue felt like it was setting in. And no more patients were waiting for me. "Yeah, I think so," I nodded.

"Can I talk to the family?" she was an eager intern. Good. Smart. Reliable. And of course ambitious.

"Sure," I nodded. I had been able to give families good news all night, news that no one had been able to offer my family. And now I was tired. Someone else could do it. At least someone was doing it.

She ran off and I went to the elevator, intent on going to my office to grab a couple hours of sleep before checking in on my mom. I hadn't seen anyone since Mark and I had fought, and I had no desire to see anyone. I just wanted to sleep on my couch and then shower. Or maybe shower first and then sleep. But sleep was definitely a huge part of the plan.

I had needed tonight but it left me exhausted. Entirely exhausted. Which I needed to be, it was the only way I'd ever fall asleep tonight. Exhaustion was good. I sighed heavily as I opened the door to my empty office. It wasn't empty. "Dr. Shepherd," Meredith nodded as I walked in. "Good surgery?"

"Mer? What...what are you doing here?" I asked, stopping in my tracks.

"I think the better question is what the hell are you doing here?" she stared at me, her hands on her hips.

"Mer..." I stared, trailing off realizing I wasn't quite sure what I planned to say.

"Seriously, Derek," she started pacing. "I went home. I went home because I thought it was the right thing to do. Dillon was crying because an ER really isn't the place for a small child, especially when you're watching your step father give your grandmother CPR. Mark told me you'd be home. And instead, you're doing surgeries. Seriously? Seriously!"

"Mer, I'm sorry...I just...I couldn't...Meredith, everything is so big right now. So god damn big, I needed to escape," I said, sinking on to my couch and hiding my face in my hands.

"You're not doing this again," she hissed. "You're not going to do this again. Escape? I'm sorry that we're such a damn burden that you need to escape from us."

"Mer, it's not you. You're not...you're not a burden. God, no. When I'm operating, everything, it just goes away. And I needed that, for one night, I needed that," I sighed.

"You couldn't come home to us?" she asked. "I'm supposed to be on bed rest, Derek. And instead, I had to do everything last night. Thank God Mark came over. He apparently is the only one who is strong enough to handle this right now. Who cares."

Mark had been right, I was an ass. A complete ass. And looking at Meredith now, completely upset, exhausted and angry, I realized how wrong I had been. "I'm sorry, Mer. I just...I don't know what I was thinking."

"What if something had happened, Derek?" she glared at me. "What if something had happened? You promised you wouldn't do this again. You swore you wouldn't. And you've been in surgeries non stop since two thirty in the afternoon."

"I'm sorry Mer, I'm so sorry," I said, staring at the rug underneath my feet as tears streamed down my cheeks. "I just kept telling myself that you'd understand, that this would be okay. Because I needed it. I'm sorry."

"We need you," she said. "We need you. And I know that drives you nuts. I know that you'd rather be back in your trailer with no responsibilites. And if that's really how you feel, then we can end this. Right here."

"Mer, no! No!" I shook my head quickly, my heart racing. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't lose her. "I don't want to be back in the trailer. I don't want no responsibilities. I want you and Dillon and Megan. I need you," I said, jumping off the couch and trying to pull her into my arms.

"You need us?" she backed away. "You need us? Really? Because the past four months have proved to me that you don't care. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. And I'm not going to try to understand anymore. I can't."

"No, Meredith, you can't do this. Not to us. I care, I care so much it scares me sometimes. You...I'm so damn sorry. I was an idiot, a complete ass, and an idiot," I pleaded. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't.

"How do I know you won't do this again?" she asked me. "How do I know you won't pull away only maybe forever and I'll have to do this alone. Again."

"I...I don't know how to prove it. But I won't. I can't lose you, Meredith. I can't," I begged. I was ready to get down on my knees to beg. Because I had a really bad feeling that she was about to give me the ring back, that she was going to end us. And not even surgery could save me from that.

"I can't do this alone," she whimpered, falling onto the couch. I looked at her and realized she looked too tired. She looked too exhausted. She looked like she was on the brink of collapse.

"Oh, Mer," I whispered, sinking on to the couch and pulling her into my arms, relieved that she didn't push me away, worried that she came so easily. "You're not, I swear to you, you're not."

"I need you," she whispered. "I can't. I can't do this. I'm so tired. And Dillon...he has so much energy. And I'm so tired."

"I know, I know," I soothed, rubbing her back and pulling her closer. "I should have been home, I...I...I won't do this again."

"You said that Thursday," she whispered. "And I can't keep waiting. And I can't keep expecting Mark to do it for you."

I blinked back tears, feeling my shoulders shake with suppressed sobs. "Meredith...you have to, you have to give me time to fix this, to prove to you I'm here. You can't...if you end this I can't...I'd die, Meredith. I can't do this without you."

"I can't do this without you either," she whispered, taking my hand. Her grasp was weak, like she didn't have the energy to squeeze.

"I love you," I whispered, burying my head against her neck, letting the smell of lavender overtake me.

"I love you too," she murmured.

And then the tears came. Huge gut wrenching sobs came straight from my gut, shaking my entire body as she let me all but climb onto her lap. In twenty fours hours I had nearly lost everything that had meant anything to me. My mom, my mom had died. I had brought her back but she had been dead. And Meredith, Meredith had nearly given up on me, on us. "It's okay," she whispered as she held me. "It's okay." I sobbed, tears pouring down my cheeks as I held onto her, gripped her close to me. "Derek, breathe," she whispered. "Breathe." I shook desperately as I tried to breathe, but closing my eyes led to me reliving the past twenty four hours. To my mommy surrounded by tubes. To Meredith falling onto my couch, exhausted.

"I can't...I can't..." I gasped, trying to take a breath but failing. My body trembled against hers as she held me tightly, with a strength I didn't think she had minutes before. But I needed her and she held me tightly.

"It's okay, it's okay," she repeated over and over. She was holding me up. Holding me. Keeping me from falling into some dark corner I had been avoiding since the minute I had seen my mother. "Derek, you're fine. You're okay. It's okay."

"Mer...Mer..." I tried to say something, anything to pull myself together. But nothing was working. I had fallen apart, after swearing to myself that I couldn't, after spending a night avoiding it I had entirely fallen apart. And Meredith was the only thing holding me back, keeping me from the darkness.

"I know," she whispered as she stroked by forehead, the same way she stroked Dill's when he fell or was hurt. "I know. It's okay. I'm here."

"Thank you," I managed to squeeze out between sobs. I had to stop, this wasn't dignified, this wasn't manly. I had to stop.

"You need sleep," she whispered. "You need to sleep. I'm going to take you home and you're going to sleep, Der. Okay?"

I nodded softly against her, letting her help me off the couch as I tried to wipe tears away from my cheeks, but they wouldn't stop coming.

"On second thought," she smiled a little, "Mark has Dillon. You can sleep here. I don't think we'll both fit...but I'll watch you sleep."

"You sure? You look like you could use some sleep too," I asked, through my ragged breath.

She nodded and forced me down onto the couch, her hand rubbing my forehead. "Let me take care of you," she murmured as she kissed me.

"That's my job," I whispered.

"You need a break," she smiled. "You take care of everyone but yourself."

"Mer, you're pregnant, you need taking care of," I tried to argue.

"Derek, for once, don't argue and don't play the pregnancy card," she ordered. "Go to sleep. I'm here. I'll always be here."

I smiled sadly at her as my eyes began to drift close. "If I hadn't already asked I'd propose to you right now, Meredith Grey-Shepherd."

"And I'd say yes," she assured me as she ran her fingers through my hair comforting me as I fell into a dreamless, exhausted sleep.

_"And all these days that I'm away, I'll make up for this I swear. I need your love to hold me up when it's all too much to bear"_


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy we wouldn't be writing fanfics. We'd be fucking Patrick Dempsey. Because we'd own him.**

It was far too early, too god damned early. I didn't want to be up this early. But Webber had called and begged me to do this for him. And once he told me about the little girl, about her case, I couldn't say no. I'd want a doctor to do the same thing for Megan. I'd want the best. So I was up early. A week had passed since the incident as Mer and I called it, and life was normal. And I didn't want to be up this early.

I stood underneath the water in the shower, rubbing my eyes as I groaned. I had taken time off. I was supposed to be at home with my fiancee and our son. But instead, I was up at five thirty in the morning, taking a shower before going to work for a consult and surgery. A surgery that I specialized in. A surgery I had practically invented, or at least perfected. I had to save a life. But it was so damn early.

Meredith woke up with me, I told her not to but she did. She smiled and told me she wanted to make me breakfast, get me off to a good start to save the little girl's life. It was adorable. I wanted her to sleep, but it was adorable. And I liked knowing she cared, knowing that she wanted to be there for me on this. In the last week things had been perfect. Well close to.

She seemed down. Not in her stressed out way, but actually sad and agitated. Since the day before, my Meredith just seemed to be floating through life, doing whatever she had to do. And then there was Dillon. Dillon who was usually a huge ball of energy had sat in front of the tv all day yesterday, not moving, just watching TV. And he wouldn't hold Sam. I couldn't figure it out.

I asked but she didn't answer. She smiled and said things were fine and gave me a quick kiss. I knew it wasn't about us, I knew we were fine. I just didn't know what was getting to her, to both of them.And I wanted in. I kind of felt like a stranger in my own home.

I finished my shower and got dressed, putting on slacks instead of my usual jeans. Webber had told me there was a very important visitor to the hospital that day and to please try to make myself presentable. So slacks it was. But I kept with my sweater and button down combo, I wouldn't be in the outfit for very long anyway. After I finished dressing, I went downstairs to see Mer attemping French toast. "Morning," she smiled at me, though her eyes seemed empty.

"Morning," I smiled, kissing her deeply.

She seemed to resist the kiss for a moment and then smiled, pulling away. "French toast," she shrugged. "At least, I think it's French toast."

"I'm sure it's great," I smiled. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Derek," she insisted again. "What about you? Nervous?"

"Terrified," I admitted, leaning against the counter. "It's just, Megan's on the way. And it makes all the little girls seem more...special."

"You've done this surgery before though, haven't you?" she asked as she put the French toast on a plate for me.

I laughed gently. "Mer, I perfected this surgery, it's my surgery."

"Oh," she said softly. "Then you'll be fine. Just...do the surgery."

"I know, it's just..."I sighed, resting a hand on her stomach. "Megan."

"Megan's fine," she smiled, putting her hand over mine. "And she'll always be fine. And if it were her, would you want her doctor to be terrified to do the surgery? Or would you want him confidant?"

"Confident, definitely," I nodded, smiling when I felt a little ripple underneath it.

"She says good morning, Daddy," Meredith smiled lightly, though again, I could see her heart wasn't in the smile. Or even the words.

"Meredith, tell me what it is. I can help," I urged her, wrapping an arm around her and puling her close.

"Derek, really, I'm fine," she sighed. "I'm just tired. And nervous. In less than three months, we're going to have a baby."

"It's kind of scary," I nodded, pressing a light kiss on her temple. "We can do this though."

She didn't nod or say anything, she simply sighed. "I've been thinking."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Maybe you should go back to work," she said as she got up to pour me a glass of milk. "I know you say you don't want to. But Derek, I see how you are. You're eyes are shining, you have this calm about you. You love surgery. So maybe surgery. Part time. And then after Megan's born, go back to your full rotation."

"Mer, I like being home. I love being home," I argued. "I'm not going back."

"Derek, surgery is who you are," she said. "You love surgery. You love saving lives. And it calms you down. You shouldn't be wasting that on sitting around the house with your fat pregnant girlfriend."

"Surgery is who I am," I agreed nodding. "But I'm also a future husband and a father. And those things come first. They will always come first."

"I really think you need to go back," she said. "I really do."

"Why? What's going on?" I demanded gently.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I just. You love it. You love your job. And you're working towards being chief. And Megan and I, we're fine. We're perfectly fine. And you should be doing your job. Saving lives. Saving little girls. And doing surgeries. Long surgeries. Surgeries that get you known. And you shouldn't worry about us. Because we're fine. Totally fine."

"Meredith, this is where I want to be. Right here. Yes, I'm happy to be cutting today. But I don't want to be doing surgeries, I don't want to be working on getting known. I want to be right here," I told her, looking straight into her eyes.

"Whatever," she said, pulling away from me and turning towards the sink. "You're going to be late."

"Meredith, we made the deal that I can't push you away again. You have to do the same," I told her.

"Derek, you have a little girl to save," she snapped.

"Fine, this is me leaving," I told her, kissing her quickly. "But this conversation is not over."

"Yes it is," she sighed. "It's over."

"I'm going to figure out what's going on with you," I said walking towards the door. "I love you."

I wasn't sure what she mumbled, but it sounded suspiciously like, "I know you think you do."

I had no idea what was going on with her. It wasn't our last fight, I knew that. We had been good for days after the fight, amazingly good. And then about three days ago she had drawn back. Nothing had happened, not that I knew of. But she pulled back. Her and Dillon, they had gotten quiet, they had gotten sad, and I had no idea why. But I needed to find out.

I drove to the hospital in absolute confusion, but pushed it to the back of my mind when I was told there was a mandatory meeting for everyone in one of the conference rooms. I dropped my briefcase off at my office and went into the room, looking around. Webber was standing next to a petite older woman with strawberry blonde hair. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen," Webber got the attention of the room. "The rumors have been flying around. And yes, they are true. This is Dr. Ellis Grey, from Boston General. I'm sure most of you have heard of her."

Dr. Ellis Grey. One of the greatest surgeons in the world. Ever. Meredith's mom. The mom she still had told me nothing about besides the fact she existed. The mom I knew she had a bad history with. This was not good. She didn't need this, not today, not when she obviously had so much on her mind. But I smiled, I had to smile. I didn't even know if Ellis knew I existed.

"Dr. Grey will be with us for the next few days," Webber continued as the whispers of excitement died down, "to monitor our procedure and instruct us all on becoming a better hospital and surgical team. Her work at Boston General as chief of Surgery have caused the hospital to be one of the most recognized in the nation. You should all be prepared to perform surgery with her or for her."

I had to operate for Meredith's mom. Part of me knew I should be thrilled, Dr. Grey was one of the best. To operate with her, it would be an honour. But she was Meredith's mom. My children's grandmother. I was marrying her daughter In, well I don't know when. But the fact remained, she was Meredith's mom.

The group dispersed. I moved to the door, prepared to go surgery, but Webber called me back. I walked up to him and Meredith's mom, Dr. Grey, who had blue eyes, friendly blue eyes. "Dr. Grey, this is Dr. Derek Shepherd, head of neurosurgery. And quite frankly, my replacement when I retire," Webber smiled at her. "Shep, this is Dr. Ellis Grey."

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Grey," I said, reaching out my hand.

"It's wonderful to meet you as well, Dr. Shepherd," she shook my hand firmly. "I've read of your work. Very impressive. And I have to ask, are you related to the late Dr. William Shepherd?"

"Thank you," I nodded. "He was my father."

"I should have known," she smiled lightly. "He was a brilliant surgeon. I worked with him once or twice. Very dedicated to his craft."

"He was," I nodded again. Meredith's mom had known my dad. Strange.

"Shepherd has a little girl with Rasmussen's encephalitis," Webber told her.

"It should be a good surgery," I said.

"Ah yes, the hemispherectomy," she nodded. "A surgery you nearly invented, Dr. Shepherd. I would very much like to assist, if that is all right with you?"

"That would be an honour, Dr, Grey," I nodded taking her in. She looked like Meredith. Her face was harder, more stern, more in control. And Meredith had entirely different eyes, but there was no question who her daughter was.

"Wonderful," she nodded firmly. "I will meet you in the scrub room then, Dr. Shepherd. Ten minutes?"

"I'll be there," I nodded.

I watched as she walked off with Webber, their heads bent together as they laughed. I was operating with Meredith's mother. She hadn't said anything when she had heard my name, which meant Meredith apparently hadn't told her about me. Or our relationship. Or the fact that we were expecting a baby. I allowed myself a moment to panic, wondering if I should say something

But something told me Meredith hadn't told her mother about me because she hadn't talked to her mother. Meredith never mentioned her family. Well she did, her unofficial family from med school, but never her real parents. I barely knew a thing. And it never bugged me, because the people that were important to her, they knew me. And that was enough. But meeting Ellis, it felt like she should know.

I changed swiftly into my scrubs, deciding that I would talk to Meredith about this. Ellis was in town for a few days, Meredith and I could have her over for dinner and we could tell her then. Meredith needed to tell her. Even if they didn't get along, she needed to know. And it wasn't my place to tell her that I was engaged to her daughter and expecting a baby.

For now she's just be Dr. Ellis Grey. That caused enough nerves on itself, I didn't need to consider the fact she was my fiancee's estranged mother. Scrubbing in with a doctor like that, even on my surgery, was terrifying. Especially out of practice. It had been a week since I cut, and before that it had been a few weeks. I hadn't been practicing.

I walked into the scrub room to see her already scrubbing in, her hair underneath a black scrub cap. "I had a chance to look over the patient's file," she told me swiftly as she scrubbed her arms. "Two and a half, presenting with focal left side seizures. Originally diagnosed as a simple brain abnormality." She smiled at me, rolling her eyes. "The doctors at County don't know their heads from their asses."

"It's hard to diagnose if you don't have the right technology," I tried to say.

"You know as well as I do, Dr. Shepherd, that county isn't interested in top of the line care," she said firmly. "In and out is their motto."

"True enough," I nodded. "But they brought her here, at least her parents were smart enough to do that."

"Yes," she nodded. "Smart. Otherwise, their daughter would be dead. Are you ready, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I'm always ready," I anwered turning to look at everyone else in the room. "Hello everyone! It's a wonderful day to save lives...let's have some fun!"

Once I had the little girl's head open, life slowed down for me. The calm came over me and I remembered that this surgery was my surgery. I could do it with my eyes closed, if I needed to. I worked quietly as Dr. Grey stood next to me, acting almost as an intern as she watched me work. "I worked with your father on one of his final surgeries," she told me quietly. "His death was a true loss."

"It was, it really was," I nodded, trying not to concentrate on thoughts of my father while I was trying to save someone else. My mom being sick had brought it all back. and I knew if I thought about my dad my thoughts would lead to my mom. And quite frankly I'd rather the fear of Meredith's mother.

"You are interested in becoming chief," she stated frankly as she suctioned for me.

"It's always been a dream of mine," I nodded. Although honestly I hadn't thought of it in months.

"It must be more than a dream, Dr. Shepherd," she said. "You must want it with every fiber of your being. There are plenty of talentless vultures who have dreams of becoming chief."

I looked up at her, wondering exactly how this woman had raised the woman I loved. They were polar opposites. "I want it," I nodded.

"Then you must be dedicated," she advised. "Nothing should get in the way. No one should take your thoughts away from becoming Chief. Richard will retire, and you want him to think of you immediately. Dedication and talent will make you the easy choice."

I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know what to say. Because up until meeting Meredith I had been focused and dedicated, being Chief had been all I wanted. And then there was Meredith, and Dillon and Megan. And suddenly I wasn't focused anymore, I wasn't as dedicated. My family came first. "There's no question about the talent," I laughed nervously.

"Most certainly not," she nodded. "Your many accolades precede you. I was very much hoping I'd be allowed to see you work."

"I'm honoured," I nodded.

"Are you married, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked.

"No, not married," I shook my head, contemplating telling her I was engaged. But then she might ask a name, and I couldn't go there, not now."Good. Make sure it stays that way. Marriages complicate things," she said. "Spouses never understand the amount of work, and children rarely appreciate the time and effort."

I nodded silently, afraid to speak. Because something about how she said that rubbed me the wrong way. Ellis had been married, Ellis had a daughter. A wonderful amazing daughter. And yet that didn't seem to phase her. "I'll umm...remember that."

We worked quietly for the rest of the surgery, Ellis pausing sometimes to ask me questions, but otherwise, the surgery went quickly and finished without a hitch. A neurology resident offered to close up and Ellis and I stepped into the scrub room, taking off our gloves and masks. "Truly fascinating, Dr. Shepherd," she nodded as she began washing her hands.

"Thank you," I nodded, washing my own hands.

"You know," she said, looking at me, "I myself have been considering retiring to write a novel and travel. And so far, there haven't been stand out candidates for the position of Chief of Surgery at Boston General."

"Oh...ummm...okay," I answered.

"I could offer you a position," she said next. "Head of neurosurgery. A promise to become chief when the time comes. How much is Richard paying you?"

"Oh...umm...2 million a year," I said, clearing my throat awkwardly.

"I could offer you six," she stated. "Perhaps eight if you require more leverage. There is nothing tying you down here, and you would see fascinating cases. And it is closer to New York, where I'm sure you still have family. I would seriously suggest you consider it, Dr. Shepherd.'

6 million dollars? Ellis Grey had just offered me 6 million dollars to work for her. "Oh umm...well umm...I'll...I'll think about it."

"I'll fax you any information you need," she said as she dried her hands. "It was a pleasure to work with you, Dr. Shepherd. I will speak with you later." And with that, she swept out of the room, leaving me stunned.

I couldn't even imagine that amount of money. That was a lot of money. Tons of money. With a promised Chief of surgery role. Technically, that's exactly what I had been waiting for my entire life to stumble upon. It was the opportunity of my life. But Dr. Grey didn't know the details of my life. My mom was sick, my family needed me. And I had Meredith. I had my new family.

I knew my mother would tell me to accept the job. I knew Mark would probably have a heart attack. I knew my sisters would go insane with jealousy. But I didn't know what Meredith would do. She had her family here. And Dillon's family. I couldn't accept the job. I couldn't tell Dr. Grey that I would love to pick up my life and move to Boston, and yet, it was tempting. Very tempting.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime, I knew that. And that shook me to the core. The one thing I had literally been working for my whole entire life sat in front of me on a silver platter. With lots of money. And yet, I couldn't take it. My life, mine and Meredith's life was her in Seattle.

I went to my office and changed out of my scrubs into my street clothes, my heart racing. Six million dollars a year and a promise to become chief of surgery. It had been my father's dream. And it had been my dream since I was eleven years old. Every surgeon in the world wanted this sort of offer. Every surgeon in the world wanted to work for Ellis Grey. I got in my car and drove silently home, my thoughts jumbled.

"Meredith?" I asked walking into the house.

She was sitting in the living room, staring off into space, the TV playing something that she obviously wasn't watching. A pregnancy book lay on the floor, and her hand was over her belly. "In here," she mumbled.

"Why didn't you tell me your mom was in town?" I asked, sitting down beside her.

"What?" she asked, staring at me.

"Your mom," I restated. "She scrubbed in with me today."

"My mom?" she asked. "Um...my mom...here in town?"

"You had no idea?" I asked. Somewhere along the ride home it occured to me that maybe Meredith did know. It would explain her quietness.

"Um..." she sighed. "No, I did. Dill and I went out for breakfast with her yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, leaning over and rubbing her stomach.

"Because you have enough to worry about," she answered. "Your mom and the surgery. I didn't want to burden you with my mom."

"Meredith, you should have told me. It's not a burden. I'm your fiance, you can tell me these things," I said.

"Not this," she said firmly. "I can't tell you about my mom. That's...that's my problem."

"Last time I checked we were getting married. We share a bed. We share a son and we share a baby. We share everything Mer. There is no your problem, my problem," I told her.

"Derek, it's my mother," she sighed. "My mother. Who I don't talk to except for maybe once a year. When she calls for Dillon's birthday. If she remembers to do that. Okay? I didn't really feel like telling you. Can we drop this now?"

"No, we can't," I shook my head. "Because she's your mother. You're part of my life, you know it all Meredith. I have a right to know. I'm marrying you, I'm spending the rest of my life with you."

"She's my mother," Meredith said. "And she's the best damn doctor in the world. That's it."

"Does she know about me? Did she notice your enlarged stomach? The ring on your finger? Didn't she have questions?" I demanded to know, rubbing her stomach.

"I, uh, didntwearmyring," she said quickly.

"You what?" I asked. I didn't want to get mad at her, after everything I had put her through, I didn't want to get mad. But she hadn't worn her ring. "You took off...and what did you do with the stomach?"

"She didn't really ask questions, Derek," she sighed. "She said I obviously hadn't learned my lesson. That was it."

"Meredith, why didn't you tell her? You should have said something, stuck up for yourself, told her about us," I said, grabbing her hand tightly.

"Look, it doesn't matter," Meredith stood up. "It doesn't matter. She's in town. She did her obligatory meeting with her daughter and illegitimate grandson. Now she'll leave and that will be it."

"I want to meet her," I said, firmly, standing up beside her.

"No," she said. "No. And you already met her."

"I met her as a doctor. I need to meet her as her future son in law," I demanded.

"No," she shook her head, pacing. "You are not meeting her. She's not meeting you. No one is meeting anybody. There will be no meeting."

"Meredith Grey, your mother needs to know about me. She needs to know I exist. She needs to know that this baby has a father, that's completely there," I told her.

"Derek, she doesn't care," Meredith shook her head. "She doesn't care about grandchildren or fiances. All she cares about is medicine. That's it. I'm not in her life. Dillon barely knows her. Megan probably won't either. So it really doesn't matter."

"It matters to me, Mer. I want to meet her, I want to be able to shake her hand and proudly tell her that you belong to me, that I'm going to marry you. That matters to me," I urged.

"Derek, drop it," she said, wringing her hands nervously.

"I can't, Mer. I can't drop this. I'm your family now, and I want your mother to know that," I nodded.

"I said no!" she yelled. "I said no and that's it. We're not discussing this anymore."

"Meredith, I want her to know who I am. I'll tell her at work if I have to," I said. I hated doing this. But Meredith was my family. And whether she wanted her mom to know me or not, she needed to know me.

"You wouldn't dare," she hissed at me.

"I would," I crossed my arms.

"You know, you have a trailer you could stay at," she glared at me before stomping upstairs.

"And you'd miss me in an hour," I shouted up the stairs. I'd give Meredith time to stew, to throw things, to think and then we'd talk later.

I sat and stared at the TV for about thirty minutes, fully intent on telling Ellis about my relationship with her daughter. And I'd have to tell Mer about the job offer, maybe. I stared at the mindless TV and then turned it off just as Meredith came down the stairs. "Get dressed."

"What? Where are we going?" I asked jumping up.

"Out," she said. "Mark is coming in fifteen minutes. And she hates when we're late so get dressed. Now."

"We're going to see your mom?" I smiled, I couldn't help smiling.

"Yes," she frowned. "And get that dumbass grin off your face. I'm going to kill you. I hope you get that. Tonight will be your last meal."

"Do I get some good bye sex when we get home? Before you will me?" I laughed.

"I don't know why you're laughing," she said as she started upstairs. "This really isn't funny."

"Meredith, relax. Your mom likes me already," I told her, pulling my good looking red shirt out of the closet. Tonight was a a night for the big guns.

"I don't care if she likes you," she said. "Spending time with her is stressful enough. Are you telling me you liked her?"

"She didn't seem to bad," I shrugged. "She's makes Cristina look like a teddy bear, but yeah...I liked her."

"Yeah, she has that effect on people who aren't related to her," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You never talk about her," I said, slipping on my pants. "How bad of mom is she?"

"Derek, she's the best doctor in the world," she stated. "Do you think she became that by coming to all of my ballet recitals and school plays? By tucking me in at night?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Mer."

"Don't apologize," she pulled a black dress over her head. "She's not your mom, okay? She's not warm and cuddly and she doesn't cook."

I nodded slowly biting back any more questions. Now wasn't the time to talk. I'd figure it all out over dinner, until then I'd just stay quiet. Meredith had given into this, into letting me meet her mom. I didn't know how much more I could push anything.

The door bell rang and Meredith went downstairs. "Hi, Mark," she said. "Dill's upstairs in his room. See if you can get him to talk."

"What's wrong with Dill?" Mark asked, smiling hello as I headed down myself, adjusting my tie. I hated ties. And jackets. They weren't me. But I had a feeling Mer would have a nervous breakdown if I tried to get away with anything less.

"My mom," she rolled her eyes as she gave him a hug. "And these days...well...I think it's safe to call you his best friend.

"I'll get him to talk," Mark nodded. "You two crazy kids don't have too much fun without me tonight."

"Whatever," she kissed him lightly on the cheek, a sisterly kiss, but it still made my skin crawl a little. "Bye, Mark. Come on, Derek."

"Call me if anything happens with Mom," I told Mark, racing out the door behind Meredith, who was moving faster than I had seen her do in months.

We drove silently, Meredith seething in the front seat. She was wringing her hands and her mouth was set in a frustrated line. "Take off your tie," she snapped.

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

"You look like an idiot," she sighed. "Just wear the jacket. That should be fine. I hate you right now."

I took off the tie knowing she was right. It wasn't me. "You can't hate me," I pointed out her stomach.

"I can hate you," she said. "I can and I will. And Megan doesn't like you either right now. You're pissing off your daughter before she's even born."

"Mer, after tonight we never have to talk to your mom again. I just...I want her to know you're not alone anymore," I sighed.

"She doesn't care if I'm alone," Meredith stated. "She doesn't care. And this is going to be hell. Imagine the worst moment of your life and then multiply it by like, a thousand. That's an evening with my mom."

"Meredith, relax. I'm here, it won't be that bad," I whispered, hoping to sooth her.

"It will be worse because you're here," she sighed as we parked. "Okay, I have to pee. I'm sure you'll find her."

"Alone? You want me to introduce myself?" I asked, a little worried.

"Just...get a table," she said. "Or something. I don't know. We have two minutes to spare, I'll be quick. And anyway, she liked you, remember?"

"Yeah...but..." But Meredith was already gone. I asked the hostess for a table for 3 for Grey, knowing that it's what her mother would ask for and was led to a table right near the front window.

"Dr. Shepherd," Ellis smiled at me. "What a pleasure. Imagine meeting you here."

"Oh...ummm...Dr. Grey," I cleared my throat. "Good to see you."

"Have you given any thought to my offer?" she asked.

"Not yet," I nodded, "I just have to discuss it with some people."

"Six million, Dr. Shepherd," she reminded me. "Most would leap at the chance."

"I know, I know," I groaned. "It's just...there are things to...consider."

"Dedication," she said simply. "Remember to be dedicated. Now, I would love to talk to you more, but I'm meeting my daughter and the father of her unborn child for dinner. It's all a bit, well...it's Meredith for you. I will talk to you later."

"Actually..." I cleared my throat and met her gaze head on. "The father, that would be me."

"Excuse me?" she said, raising her eyebrows, just as Meredith came to us. "Meredith."

"Mom," Meredith greeted her, giving me a panicked look. "So you...you've met Derek."

"Derek?" Ellis stared at her daughter. "I've met Dr. Shepherd, yes. And how do you know him?"

"He's umm...well Der...he's..." She reached out for my hand and I squeezed hers tightly. "He's my fiance."

"Sit," Ellis ordered. "You're engaged?" She looked at me.

"Yes, mam," I nodded.

"This is ridiculous," she shook her head. "Engaged to my daughter? You?"

"Yes mam," I nodded again. "I love her."

"And I thought you were dedicated," she shook her head again. "But really, you're unfocused. Love. Surgeons don't love, Dr. Shepherd. You're just like the rest of the idiots. Unfocused. Unmotivated. Not dedicated at all. A disappointment. Your father would never approve."

"I have to disagree," I told her evenly. "My father loved my mother very much."

"Surgeons cannot have families," she said frankly. "I think your father would have agreed with me."

"My father had a very large family, and he was a good dad. Just like I'm going to be, like I am," I said proudly, feeling Meredith clinch my hand tighter.

"And he died young," she stated.

"Mom!" Meredith gasped, squeezing my hand tightly and shooting me a concerned look. "Don't...no, not Derek. You don't get to talk to Der like that."

"How old were you, Derek, when your father died?" she asked me, completely ignoring Meredith.

"I was ten," I answered quietly.

"Ten," she nodded. "And you have two older sisters, correct? One who I believe was fifteen at the time of his death?"

"Yes," I nodded. "Kathleen was 15, Nancy was 12."

"Ask Kathleen what it was like then," Ellis said as she took a sip of her wine. "Meredith will tell you. You still viewed him as a hero. A man saving lives. Kathleen knew what it was like for Daddy not to come to her events, because he was too busy. She resented it, I'm sure."

"Kathleen loved my father very much. He didn't miss anything, he never missed anything. He was there," I said, still keeping my voice calm. I wanted to storm out, I want to hug Meredith, tell her she was right and leave. But I couldn't.

"Your children will resent you," she promised me. "Meredith resents me. Kathleen resented your father, I'm sure Nancy did as well. And your mother. Your mother most certainly resented him. They'll never admit it. But it's the life of the surgeon."

"No one resented my father. And none of my children will resent me. The kind of...the kind of parent you are depends on the person you are, not the job you have," I said, taking deep breaths to remain calm.

"And it amazes me you are with Meredith," Ellis waved her hand dismissively towards her daughter. "Someone so disgustingly ordinary. Who lacks complete focus in life. The type of person who drops out of medical school after getting pregnant. Not at all the person I would see you with, Dr. Shepherd."

"Excuse me?" I asked, some steel blending into my voice. Attacking my family I would allow, because I knew every word she said was a lie. But Meredith...her own mother spewing such shit about my Meredith.

"We both know Meredith isn't anything special," she said. "She used to be. I raised a fighter. A passionate, focused fighter. And now, now she's nothing but a mother who works as a physician's assistant, scrambling to make enough money. I would think you would be with a woman more your equal."

"Meredith is extraordinary. Meredith is passionate, she's a fighter, she's amazing. She's beyond special and is entirely my equal. Meredith is the love of my life, and I refuse to let anyone talk so poorly about her," I said, my voice still lowered but anger tinging it.

"No Meredith, it's not. It's not fine for someone, anyone, to talk about you like your nothing. It's not fine," I argued gently with her.

"This is disappointing," Ellis said. "I thought more of you, Dr. Shepherd. Than to give into whatever feelings you think you have for my daughter. She's a young fling. That's it. A way to satisfy some urge you have. Disappointing and disgusting. She is a mess. What happened to you, Meredith?"

"Mom...I...mom," she sputtered, tears forming in her eyes as she looked around the restaurant to see if any others were watching this display.

"You've become this terrible mess and you're raising a mess," she said. "That son of yours is weak. And I'm sure you've somehow made Dr. Shepherd here take responsibility for him?"

"She's done no such thing. Dillon is my son, just as much as Megan will be my daughter. Because I want them, Meredith did nothing to force them on me," I snapped.

"The offer is off the table, Dr. Shepherd," she stated. "I thought I was offering the job to a surgeon who understood that a family is not conducive to a career in surgery. To a surgeon who was dedicated and focused. Not to a man who is with a mess of a girl and obviously entirely uncaring about his career."

"I wouldn't have taken it anyway," I shrugged, getting out of my chair. "Come on, Mer, we're leaving."

"We are?" she asked, her voice shaking a little.

"We are," I nodded firmly, helping her out out of her chair and wrapping my arm around her, holding her shaky body close to me and then turned back to Ellis. "Don't expect any part of your granddaugher's life."

We walked out of the restaurant before Ellis could answer. I held Meredith close to me, almost supporting her when she stumbled. "Der," she whimpered.

I immediately pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly. "I'm sorry, Mer. God, I'm sorry."

She cried in my arms, shaking against me. "She...she's right, you know," she sobbed. "I'm...I'm ordinary."

"No, Mer, no you're not," I whispered, rocking her gently. "You're amazing, you're one of a kind, You're extraordinary. I'm so lucky to have you."

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize...she knew your dad. I didn't know. I had no idea."

"It's okay, Mer. It's not your fault. She didn't know what she was talking about...no one...no one in my family resents my dad. He had it both," I said, rubbing her back soothingly. "So will I."

"You don't have to," she sighed, pulling away for a moment. "You could go back to work. And I could...we could forget this."

"I could never forget about this," I whispered, desperately pulling her close to me again. "I could never forget about you. And I will go back to work, eventually I'll go back to work. And we will have both. If for no other reason than to piss that bitch off."

She laughed a little and then nodded. We started walking towards the car again, before she stopped and turned to me. "Der, what was she talking about? What offer?"

"She's thinking of retiring to write," I sighed. "She offered me chief in Boston. I was going to tell you."

"Are you serious?" she asked. "Were you considering it?"

"It crossed my mind, it's what I've been dreaming of forever. But only if you were willing to come with me. That was my deal breaker," I breathed deeply, hoping she would understand. "No decision was being made until we had a long talk."

"How much did she offer?" she asked, a smile at the corner of her lips

"Six million," I breathed.

"Oh my God," Meredith coughed. "Derek, we can go back in there and apologize."

I laughed and pulled her against me. "I think the only way your mother would re-extend the offer is if I left you, and 6 million dollars just isn't worth it."

She nodded against my chest and then looked up at me. "I love you, Derek Shepherd."

"I love you too, Meredith Grey," I smiled. "How about we stop and get pizza and a movie and pretend that never happened?"

"Okay," she nodded. "Though...you know...Mark thinks we're going to be out for another three hours."

"Hmmm...okay, we get pizza and head to that spot over looking the ferry boats," I suggested changing my plan.

"Yeah," she nodded. "That sounds perfect."

_You're beautiful just the way you are and I love it all, every line, every scar. And I wish I could make you see, this is where you ought to be._


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: If we owned GA, the only reason Mer wouldn't be able to breathe would be the result of a very long, hard, amazing sex session with Dr. Derek Shepherd.**

I woke up early the next morning to run to the hospital and check on my patient, on the little girl who had had major brain surgery twenty four hours earlier. I watched her parents sit with her, playing with her, hugging her, laughing with her and I felt my throat constrict for a moment. Watching Jamie had made it so easy to imagine my own little girl that would be coming soon. The little girl who now moved underneath my hand, who seemed to respond to my voice. "Hey Princess Meggie," I whispered to Meredith's belly. I used to hear about dads doing this and think they were absurd. Not anymore. "Just a little over two months and we all get to meet you."

I smiled as I felt my daughter respond by kicking my hand, strongly, firmly. My daughter. My little girl. I would have my little princess in just two and a half months. There were times when I woke up in the middle night, so excited I couldn't breathe. "Where have you been?" Meredith whispered as I enjoyed the feel of my daughter moving.

"Went to the hospital to check on Jamie. She's doing well," I answered, gently kissing her stomach.

"Good," Meredith sighed as she burrowed further underneath the blankets.

"We should go shopping today," I said, moving to wrap my arms around her. "Get some more stuff for the nursery."

"Hmm," she sighed, moving further towards the edge of the bed and further away from me.

"Mer?" I questioned, pulling her back to me.

"You should go to work," she mumbled.

"People don't usually go to work on vacations," I forced a smile on my face. Meredith was still on me to go back and I still wasn't sure why. I wanted to be here, I thought she wanted me here. What was I missing?

"People don't usually take four month long vacations," she said into the pillow.

"They do when they have a baby coming. And when they've never taken a vacation before," I argued, trying to sound light hearted even though I wanted to shake her to know what was wrong.

"No, most people do not take four months off when a baby is coming," she insisted. "Especially surgeons. Who save lives. And..." She trailed off.

"Mer, what's wrong? You know I want to be here. I think you like having me here. What am I missing?" I asked, pushing some hair out of her face.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "Nothing."

"Meredith, it's something," I nodded. "Is it about what your mom said?"

It's nothing," she repeated. "Okay? I just...want to stay in bed today. Not move."

"You can't stay in bed all day," I frowned.

"Why not?" she asked.

"People don't stay in bed all day," I answered, tugging her gently into a sitting up position. "We have things to do. Stuff to get done before Megan gets here."

"A week ago you didn't want me to move out of bed," she pointed out as she laid back down.

"A week ago you were on bed rest," I shot back.

"Maybe I should be on bed rest again," she said, pulling the blanket over her head.

"Mer, what's wrong? I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong," I said, pulling the blanket back down.

"You're everywhere, all the time," she said. "And you say things."

"This is the happily ever part," I kissed her quickly. "And in the happily ever after part the guy is here, all the time, saying things. and the girls love it."

"Just...go downstairs. Stop hovering," she said as she pulled the blanket over her head again.

"Mer, I'm not hovering. I'm doing that thing you said I could, you know, that taking care of you thing," I told her, my hand smoothing over her forehead.

"Well, I'm fine," she said. "I just want to stay in bed."

"Mer, you can't," I urged, moving to pull her out.

"If you touch me, I will slap you," she stated firmly. "I am staying in bed. I don't want to get out of bed today. I just don't."

"Fine," I conceded. Her staying in bed was probably a better idea than starting a fight. It had to be her mom upsetting her. I'd give her her time. "I'm downstairs when you're ready to talk."

"You should be going to work," she muttered.

"You should be getting out of bed," I shot back.

"I'm on bed rest," she said.

"You're not," I sighed, heading towards the door. "I love you Meredith."

"Go," she frowned.

I didn't have any idea what was going on. Last night had been perfect. We had sat for hours talking, eating pizza and watching the ferry boats go by. She told me more about her childhood than ever before. We had both had a long talk with Megan. And we talked about my childhood, my dad. It was perfect. And now she didn't want to get out of bed.

My cell phone rang in my pocket and I stared at the display. Mark. "Shep," he said before I even said hello, "Ellis Grey just operated with me. The woman who pioneered plastic surgery just finished surgery with me."

"Did you tell her Dillon calls you uncle? She would have loved that," I said bitterly.

"What?" Mark asked. "Why would we talk about Dillon?"

"You do realize Ellis is Meredith's mom?" I asked.

"Woah," Mark breathed. "Meredith is...Ellis Grey...Meredith is royally inbred?"

"She is," I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Not that being raised by Ellis is something to brag about."

"She didn't seem bad," Mark laughed. "Intense. But not bad."

I laughed into the phone. "Yes, that's how she treats complete strangers. But family, her own daughter, not so much. The things she said about Mer...I never want to see that woman again," I said.

"Wait," Mark stopped me. "You met her? You met Mer's evil mother who makes Mer feel inferior and has made her think she'll never be a good enough mother to Meg?"

"What? What are you talking about? Meredith doesn't think she'll be a good mom..." I trailed off. "We had dinner last night."

"Is Mer okay?" Mark asked.

"No, no she's not. She was fine last night, we left the restaurant and had a great time, just the two of us. But now..." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Now I don't know. She refuses to get out of bed."

Mark was silent for a minute. "Has she eaten?"

"No," I shook my head. "She won't talk to me, she keeps telling me to go to work. She's...I'm worried about her. She's nearly 7 months pregnant, she can't do this."

"She's not in any pain is she?" Mark asked, though it sounded like he was outside now. "Because Addison was telling me about this woman who right before she went into labor just lay in bed all day. I thought it was weird but you know, pregnant chicks are weird."

"She seems fine. She's just...I don't know. She's not there, she's distant and not just there," I sighed.

"I'm coming over," Mark said, and I heard his car door slamming. "Tell her to get up and get dressed. Or I'm dragging her out in her pajamas."

"What? You don't have to...Mark, why would you come over?" I asked, looking at the phone in confusion.

"I just am, okay?" he said. "I'll take her out to lunch. Change of scenery. The house has to be driving her crazy."

"Okay, I'll tell her," I nodded, still confused. But if Mark could get her out of bed, could get her to talk, that was all I really wanted.

"Good. Tell her she has exactly eleven minutes to move that pregnant ass of hers." The line clicked and I stared at my phone, confused as all hell.

I had no idea what was going on, what Mark thought he had over me that would get her out of bed. But I was willing to go with it, for Meredith, I'd go with it. I just wanted her smiling again, I wanted her to be Meredith again. I went upstairs and sat down on the bed, rubbing her back. "I thought I told you to go to work," she said, not opening her eyes.

"I'm not listening," I shook my head. "And Mark told me to tell you you have 11 minutes to get your pregnant ass out of bed before he's here and he'd drag you out. "

"He's such an ass," she sighed but got up anyway.

"What? You get up? I fight with you for hours and you lay here. And Mark...what's going on, Mer?" I questioned.

"Nothing, Derek," she sighed as she pulled on a new pair of jeans.

"Meredith, you can talk to me. I'm here. To talk to," I urged.

"I have nothing to talk about," she said as she put on a t-shirt.

"But you have something to talk to Mark about?" I asked.

"What, are you jealous?" she asked, staring at me.

"No, I'm not," I shook my head. "If you...if you want to talk to Mark, that's fine. It is. I just wish you'd confide in me, let me in too."

"I'm fine, Derek," she insisted and then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, one hand massaging her back a little.

"No you're not," I sighed. "But...just, talk to Mark, Mer. Talk to anyone. I just, I want my Meredith back. I want you to be happy."

"Maybe I'm not the happily ever after type of person," she said after spitting out her toothpaste. "And I'm fine. Really. Perfectly, one hundred percent fine."

"Meredith...just..." I breathed and walked into the washroom, stepping behind her and pulling her close. In our reflection in the mirror I could see tears in my eyes. "I need you to get through this Mer, to not push me away. I need you."

"I know you need me," she snapped, pulling away. "You always need me. I get that."

I blinked back tears. This wasn't my Meredith. It was like living with a ghost, this wasn't my Meredith. When I told my Meredith I needed her she hugged me and told me she needed me too. This was not her. "I'm uh...I'm going to go check on Dill."

"You do that," she nodded and went back into the bedroom, slipping on a pair of flats and grabbing a light coat.

I smiled sadly at her. I wanted to tell her I loved her, that I'd wait for her, but knew that meant nothing much right now. So I retreated to my son's room. He wasn't much better than his mom, moping for days. Maybe he'd talk. He was sitting on the floor, pushing a train around the floor, a frown on his face. Sam was on his bedside table, completely forgotten and ignored. I sat down next to him and watched him push the train around silently.

"Hey bud, everything okay?" I asked, smiling invitingly. Or what I hoped was invitingly. I was beginning to feel invisible in my own home.

"Yeah," he nodded but said nothing else. No greeting. No blinding Dillon smile. No Sam.

"You know you and your mom are giving me headaches with all this pretending nothing is wrong when obviously everything is," I said.

"Nothing's wrong," he mumbled.

"Dillon, you can talk to me," I urged.

He shook his head quietly. "I have to be a big strong boy," he told me.

"No you don't," I said. "I can be big and strong for both of us. For all four of us."

He shook his head again and stopped pushing the train just as the doorbell rang. He jumped up and ran downstairs, Meredith coming out of the bedroom just behind him. "Uncle Mark!" he shouted.

Apparently Mark was more welcome in my own home than I was right now. And I didn't even know why. I had screwed up in the past, I knew that. But I thought we had worked past that, I thought Meredith and I had worked it out. But still, Mark was welcome, Mark was allowed in. I wasn't.

"Hey, kiddo," Mark grinned as he ruffled Dillon's hair. "You know, I was hungry today at work and thought I'd have some Skittles. You cleaned me out last night."

"You were the one that wanted to gamble with Skittles over Go Fish," Dillon giggled.

"Yeah, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box am I?" Mark laughed. "Hey, Mer, I gave you three extra minutes. You should be thankful for traffic."

"I was ready, I didn't need extra time," Meredith responded, smiling slightly. This felt wrong. Mark was in my spot, he was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

"All right, let's go," Mark grinned at her. "What's Meg craving today? Cause I'm not going to that Mexican restaurant again. Disgusting."

Meg? He had a nickname for my daughter. He knew Meredith's cravings. I wasn't sure how I had ended up outside my own family. "A burger, a big greasy burger."

"I can do that," Mark nodded. "I'll have her back in a couple hours, Shep."

I nodded, wiping tears from my eyes quickly, hoping Mark hadn't noticed them. Meredith had been right, I was jealous. Not because I thought something was going on. Mark would never do that. Meredith would never do that. But Mark had the place in my family I was supposed to have. Mark could offer them comfort I couldn't. And I was jealous, because right now, I wanted to be where Mark was.

Mark gave Dillon a quick hug. "I'll see you later, kiddo," he smiled. "And this time, we're playing with Hershey's Kisses. Think Sam will want to join us today?"

"No, I don't think so," Dillon pouted.

"Too bad," Mark sighed. "Sam was a good player. He didn't cheat like some almost seven year olds I know."

"I didn't cheat!" Dillon protested.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say," Mark laughed and then put a brotherly arm around Meredith. "Let's go, Mer."

And then they were gone, my fiancee gone to get the support of a man that wasn't me when she tried to tell me that everything was fine, as if I could accept the blatant lie. I turned to find Dillon still standing there, looking a little lost without his bear. "So bud, what do you want to do for lunch?"

He shrugged, his eyes immediately going blank. "Don't know."

I was going to break. this was going to break me. I couldn't do this, I couldn't feel useless again. Not when I could be here. I crouched down to Dillon's height. "Dill, I'm your daddy Derek, right?"

"I guess," he nodded. "If you still want to be."

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked completely confused.

"Cause you got bad again," he told me. "Mommy cried and Uncle Mark came over and made dinner. And tucked me in. And that means you were bad again."

"Oh bud, I know. But your mommy yelled at me, we're good now," I told him. "You can still give me a timeout if you want."

He shrugged and went into the living room, turning on the TV and curling into himself. "Maybe later."

"I'm sorry I bad again, bud," I said, sitting down beside him. "But I'm here now. You can talk to me."

"Mom says we can't make you sad," he said carefully.

I smiled gently at Meredith's need to protect me, when she refused to let me do the same for her. My Meredith was strong. "It's okay, bud. I can take it," I reassured him.

"Uncle Mark says you're scared," he told me.

"Scared?" I asked, not quite sure what I was supposed to be scared of.

"Yeah," he nodded. "That Grandma's going to die. That Mom's really sick. That my sister is going to be born soon. He says you're scared."

"Oh," I nodded. "I am scared. But it's okay to be scared sometimes."

"Uncle Mark says you can be a...a...well, he said a bad word I can't say," Dillon said, a smile lighting up his face for a second.

"I can imagine," I laughed. "You spend a lot of time talking to Uncle Mark, don't you?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "He's my best friend."

I smiled and ruffled his hair. "He's a good best friend. But just because he's your best friend doesn't mean you can't talk to me too. Even if I'm scared and can sometimes be a bad word, you can talk to me."

He got up and went into the kitchen, grabbing a coloring book and crayons. He sat down on the floor and began coloring, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth. "Is my Mom sick?" he asked.

"No, your mom is fine. She's just a little sad right now. And tired. But she's fine," I nodded, although a tiny fear in the back of my head told me I might not be telling the truth, because I really didn't know the truth.

"Uncle Mark is her friend too," he said. "She talks to him when she can't talk to you. When you're being bad."

I hated this. I hated that I had been so caught up in my own drama that I had forgotten about the most important two, that I had forced them to talk to someone else. "I don't know, bud. I'm not being bad now, and she still won't talk to me."

"Uncle Mark 'stands," he said. "He knows. He says his mommy was really bad. Like Dr. Grey."

That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I knew Mark's mom, I knew why he was basically a Shepherd. And yet it hadn't even occurred to me. "Mark's mom was pretty bad. You don't like Dr. Grey very much, do you?"

"No," he shook his head. "She's mean. And she makes Mommy cry. And...and..."

"What? What did she do?" I asked, putting a comforting hand on his back.

"She said Sam was a bear," he sniffled. "And that if I wanted to be a big boy, I wouldn't have Sam. That I was just a baby. I'm not a baby."

"Oh bud," I said pulling him into my arms. "Of course you're not a baby. But Sam's your brother. You don't have to give up Sam to be a big boy."

"She said if she were my mommy, she'd take him away," he cried. "She tried to. And Mommy got really angry. And they yelled at each other right in the restaurant. And people stared and Mommy cried."

"Was this at breakfast?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "And Mom was crying really hard and she couldn't drive because she had an owie and Uncle Mark came and got us. And took Mommy to see Addson. But Addson said everything was okay. But Mommy couldn't stop crying. And she told Uncle Mark and Addson not to tell you. And she said I couldn't either. Am I gonna get in trouble?"

"No, Dillon. Thank you for telling me. I needed to know," I said. Meredith should have told me. Something had happened, something involving my daughter and she hadn't told me. "We're family, Dill. You know what that means?"

"Aunt Izzie says it means we take care of each other," he said.

"We do," I nodded. "It also means we stick together no matter what. Even when I'm bad. Or when mommy cries. Or when you have a temper tantrum. We stick together."

"Okay," he nodded and then hugged me tight. "I love you, Daddy Derek."

"I love you too, Dill," I hugged him back. "And I also love Sam. I think he's probably lonely upstairs all alone."

"Probably," Dillon nodded and jumped up. "It's okay, then? Dr. Grey won't take him away?"

"Dr. Grey isn't your mommy. Mommy is. And Kimmy. And me and your Daddy. We're the only four people that can take him away and none of us will," I nodded.

"Okay," he nodded and then ran upstairs, finally acting like, well, Dillon.

This was good, I had fixed something. It wasn't a major something but it was a step. Dillon had talked to me, Dillon had come to me. And we were good now. My stomach knotted at the thought of everything Mer had kept from me but I couldn't blame her. She was scared, she was watching out for me. I'd just wait till she got home and I'd find a way to fix that too.

Dillon and I colored together for the next couple of hours. Sam sat next to us, a crayon in one of his paws as Dillon talked incessantly. It was great to hear his voice again, to hear his excited giggle when he was telling me something exciting. He asked questions about Megan and talked about being a big brother, his eyes shining. Finally, the door opened and Mark and Meredith came in. "Hey guys," I greeted them giving Meredith a quick kiss, relieved to see she was looking a little better. "How was lunch?"

"Great," she answered me. "Very good."

"Thanks for taking her out Mark," I said, grabbing Meredith's hand and pulling her close to me. "Now if you don't mind I'm stealing my fiancee. I need to talk to her. Dill's in the living room colouring."

"No problem," Mark grinned. "Hey, kiddo, I bought some chocolate...whaddya say to a game of Go Fish?"

I heard Dillon squeal in excitement as I led Meredith up the stairs. She followed without a fight, she kind of looked numb. But that was okay, I could work with numb. I sat her on the bed and kneeled in front of her. "Meredith Grey-Shepherd," I started, using the married name that wasn't hers yet. "We're family, you know what that means?"

She looked at me for a minute. "Derek," she sighed.

"Meredith," I cut her off. "We're family. I means we stay together no matter what."

"I know," she nodded. "I know."

"Dillon told me about breakfast, about you going to see Addie. You should have to told me," I said, reaching out to run my fingers through her hair.

"It was," she sighed, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Braxton Hicks, again. Stress induced. Again."

"Mer, you should have told me," I said, pulling her into my arms. "If I had known I would have never suggested dinner with your mom."

"I didn't want to worry you," she whispered. "Not yesterday. Not when you had to perform the surgery."

"I would have been able to handle it," I told her. "I just...I need you to let me in. A lot goes on in that head of yours, and you need to let me in."

"With everything going on," she shook her head. "You can't handle all of this, Der. Your mom. Surgeries. The race to be chief. Me. Dillon. Meg."

"Exactly why I can't go back to work right now," I laughed. "But you, I can handle you. I'll let everything else slide to handle you."

"I'm not important," she said. "I'm a distraction. And unfocused. And ordinary."

"Mer, I hate your mom. Despise your mom. You're not a distraction and you are not ordinary. I could kill her for making you think so little of yourself," I said, through clenched teeth.

"Life isn't supposed to be this hard," she said, looking me in the eye. "I thought this time would be easier. Because I have you. And it's been so hard. And my mom...I was hoping she wouldn't come into town. And she did. And I've made you into this unfocused surgeon."

"You have not made me into anything, Meredith. If anything you...you've helped me become who I was supposed to be all along. I'm not unfocused, I just...I have different priorities now. I have a family. And I would not change that," I said, running a thumb over her cheek. "And I know it's been hard, damn hard. But you do have me. And we will survive."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning into my touch.

"I'm sorry too," I whispered, moving my hand and pulling her into my arms. "Meredith, I know I've made mistakes, that I haven't been as strong as you needed me to be. But I'm trying to do this, I'm really trying. You have to give me a shot."

"I know you're trying," she nodded. "I know. I'm not good at this. Mark says our mothers emotionally stunted us. Or our fathers. His father left too."

"I know. And the fact you are so much alike terrifies me and makes me wonder about what goes on in my head," I laughed gently, moving to sit beside her on the bed. "I know you're not great at this, I understand. But I love you anyway, you just...you have to let me in. When I ask you things, don't lie, don't pretend. I can take it."

"You have to let me in too," she said. "Mark says you won't but you have to."

I nodded. "I'm trying. I really am." I laughed suddenly and nudged her gently. "We're an awful couple."

"We are," she giggled a little. "You're supposed to be good at this. You're normal."

"Mer, my dad died when I was 10. I grew up with a bunch of girls and Mark. I'm just as dark and twisty as you. I just hide it better," I laughed.

She laughed and leaned her head on my shoulder. "You're not angry, are you?"

"No," I shook my head, threading my fingers through hers. "I was terrified that I was losing you."

"That's what I was afraid of," she nodded. "That I was losing you."

"Won't happen. Ever," I shook my head fiercely. "Remember, you're a Shepherd now."

"For better or worse," she sighed, putting my hand over her stomach.

"That's the general idea," I said, kissing her quickly. "You scared me this morning, you weren't...you."

"Consider it payback," she laughed a little. "You weren't you for three months."

"You must have lived in constant fear," I said sadly. "But we can't do that anymore. We communicate and whatever now, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded. "You know, you and Mark really torture each other. But he's a good guy. A great guy, actually."

"He's my brother," I nodded. "I wanted to punch him today, but he's my brother."

"Why?" she asked. "Why would you want to punch him?"

"He was stealing my family. He was...he was doing what I'm supposed to," I pouted.

"No, Derek," she shook her head, squeezing my hand. "No. Mark isn't stealing anyone. He's just...he...he loves you. And he worries about you. And he...well..."

"He what?" I asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"He was there when you weren't," she sighed. "He watches out for everyone in the family. Not because he has to. Because, he thinks he owes you guys something. And he's jealous of you, Derek. He really hates you sometimes."

"Really?" I asked wondering how she had figured all this out in such a short time.

"Yeah," she nodded. "You're the prodigal son. And he's...he's Mark."

"I...I don't even know how to take that. He has the same job, a wonderful love life...now...and the same family, even if it's unofficial. Mom loves him as much as she loves me," I explained.

"And you had it all first," she shrugged. "Mark is like me. Self loathing and self destructive to an almost pathological degree. And with Mark, he sees you and wants everything you want. And he doesn't think he deserves it."

"How the hell did you figure this all out?" I suddenly asked. Because there is no way Mark would actually say that stuff. Not the Mark I grew up with.

She shrugged. "Late nights involving hot chocolate for me and lots of whiskey for Mark," she shrugged. "And I know Mark. Mark and I...we're the same."

"Can you stop saying that? Because I love Mark, I do. But I don't want to marry him, or be with him forever. And I definitely don't want to sleep with him," I laughed.

She laughed and kissed me, softly at first and then a little more passionately. "Mark and I are different in a few ways," she giggled as her hands reached down to the hem of my shirt.

"Hmmm..." I murmured. "We shouldn't. Dill and Mark are downstairs."

"Makes it much more interesting," she nibbled at my bottom lip. "And it would make up for the number of times you walked in on Mark."

I laughed and kissed her hard. "I never knew you were into getting caught."

"Seriously?" she said breathlessly. "Ferris wheels? Kitchen counters? On call rooms? Those never clued you in."

"The ferris wheel was broken. The house was empty and the on call room door was locked," I pointed out, while taking her shirt off.

"Doesn't mean we couldn't get caught," she whispered as she undid the fly of my pants but then stopped, a small gasp coming from within her as her hands went to her belly.

"Mer, you okay?" I asked, my hands traveling to her belly as well.

She nodded. "Your daughter seems to be getting tired of her cramped living space," she laughed breathlessly. "I swear she's bruising my ribs these days."

"She'll be out of there soon enough," I answered, smiling proudly.

"We need to get things," she smiled at me, her desire to get caught suddenly forgotten. "We don't have anything. And the nursery. We need to paint the nursery."

"I think I remember trying to have this talk this morning," I laughed.

"Izzie wants a baby shower," she frowned. "Don't let her do it."

"Why not? It would be fun," I pouted.

"Seriously?" she raised her eyebrows. "Girly games and shit shaped like baby rattles? No. I don't want a baby shower."

"But you get stuff Mer. gifts," I whispered.

"We can get stuff," she said. "I don't want people standing around me touching my stomach and telling me birth horror stories."

"Fine, fine," I shook my head in disappointment. "And why are we discussing this now anyway?" I asked, bending my head over to lightly kiss the top of one breast.

"Because we only have two and a half months," she answered.

"Till we have a screaming baby and definitely no time for this," I said, pushing her bra to the side and gently kissing her now exposed nipple.

"Der, I'm serious," she insisted, though a little breathlessly.

"So am I," I reached behind her and unclasped her bra, taking her nipply fully in my mouth and sucking harder on it, my fingers playing with the other one.

"Derek," she moaned as her head fell back.

I shifted my head, taking her other nipple into my mouth and sucking hard, pushing her pants down to the floor. "So what do we need for the nursery?" I asked, pulling my head back slightly as I began feathering kisses over the rest of her breasts.

"We, uh," she panted, "a table...changing table...and uh...um...Derek..."

"A changing table," I nodded, moving my head lower, pressing soft kisses against her rounded stomach, as I pushed her down onto the bed. My lips were now on her thighs, kissing the insides, "What else?" I asked, slipping my tongue into her folds.

"A...um...diaper...Der," she thrashed under me, her hands fisting at the sheets. "Bin. And...we...she...oh god..."

"And?" I asked again, letting my hot breath play against her throbbing clit as my hands moved around to grab her ass. Her whole body shook with desire and I felt a ripple run through my own.

"A...a...bassinett," she breathed. "To sleep...oh...Derek...in here..."

"Anything else?" I asked, placing a finger inside her, feeling her clench around me as her breath came out in pants, her legs shaking around me.

"Um," she panted. "Yes...yes...um...god...yes."

"What?" I breathed as she bucked against me. She had lost all control of her body now, complete control and I knew she was just at the edge. My erection throbbed desperately for her, but I was going to wait.

"A...uh...Derek...please," she pleaded with me, no longer able to think of our daughter's nursery...no longer able to think at all.

Just as her body started to quiver around me, a knock sounded from the door. "Shit," I breathed, pulling away from my desperate fiancee. "Yeah?"

"Um," Mark's voice came from the other side of the door, "sorry to interrupt, but, um, Addison just called. Something's up with Mom." I swear to God I could hear him laughing. I could hear the smirk on his face. The asshole wasn't sorry.

"We'll be...umm...we'll be right down," Meredith said, moving from her spot with still shaky limbs.

"I told her we were coming soon," Mark choked out. "So you guys should hurry."

"We will," I said shooting the door a dirty look and then looking at Mer apologetically. "I swear to you I'm finishing that tonight."

"It's fine," she shook her head, trying to stand but shaking so badly she failed miserably. "I hate Mark right now."

"Hate doesn't begin to describe it," I laughed, throwing Meredith her clothes. I could still taste her on my lips and it was damn distracting.

"I can't even," she giggled. "I can't even think. My clothes." She was giggling like a thirteen year old girl who had just seen Justin Timberlake or somebody on the TV.

I kissed her hard, thankful to have my giggling Meredith back. "Mer?"

"Yeah?" she giggled, her face flushed and her hands shaking.

"I don't ever want to go through that again. Us worrying about losing each other. Never again Mer. This...it's forever," I told her, still breathing hard.

She nodded, trying her hardest to keep her face straight. "It is," she nodded, cracking a smile.

I pulled her into my arms laughing as well. "Come on, let's go."

"Derek," she leaned against me for support. "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, opening the door and leading her down the stairs.

_"And if all the world were perfect I would only ever want to see your scars…"_


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: We don't own GA. So we offer you this update full of happiness and light to make up for tomorrow's episode...that is most definitely not full of happiness and light.**

My heart thudded as we rushed into the hospital, curing Mark for his vague something is up with mom message. Cursing him for interrupting. I carried Dillon, Meredith's hand was in my firmly. Life was good again. So nothing could be wrong with my mom. No. We walked together. From now on it was going to be us, we and together. And that was good.

Mark walked in front of us, his body taut with nervousness as he walked at break neck speed. I had expected a few jokes about the situation he had caught Meredith and I in, but so far, nothing. So far, Mark was quiet. Which wasn't Mark. Mark was never quiet. Mark wasn't even capable of quiet. But he was quiet now. He was quiet and his hands were balled into fists. I squeezed Meredith's hand, suddenly much more nervous than before.

Meredith squeezed my hand back, smiling slightly at me. Her eyes begged me to calm down and breathe. Her eyes told me that everything was going to be okay. Dillon wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. They were there for me, completely. And although anything might be happening, anything good or bad, I was glad they were there.

"Addie," Mark's voice brought me out of my own little world as he choked out her name. There was something in the way he said her name. It was the same way I said Meredith's name. As if she were his anchor. The only thing keeping him from losing it. Meredith and I stopped as we came to the group standing in front of my mother's room. My sisters were all there, even Leah was there in her scrubs.

"What's going on?" I asked, rocking on my feet and pulling Meredith close.

Addison's face lit up with a huge smile. "Nothing," she shook her head. "I just thought you would all like to be here when we took the breathing tube out. And when we woke her from the medically induced coma."

"What?" Nancy sputtered. "You might have mentioned that it was good news earlier."

"Sorry," she laughed a little, giving Mark a smile. "I thought you'd rather hear it in person. It has been a while since this family had good news."

"Meredith and I were in the middle of...something," I pouted. "And we rushed."

"You were in the middle of making her have a screaming..." Mark trailed off as he looked at Dillon. "Um...a screaming...pillow...fight."

"Is that what you were doing?" Dillon asked.

I looked over at Meredith, who was bright red. "What do you mean, Dill?" she asked lightly, avoiding eye contact with my siblings.

"I heard some screams or something," Dillon shrugged. "You sounded like you were...I don't know."

"Like what?" Mark prodded, an evil grin on his face. I was going to kill him. Twice.

"I don't know," Dillon shrugged, hiding his face in my neck, apparently to embrassed to say anything.

"We were having a pillow fight, Dill," Meredith sighed, flashing Mark a death look.

"Okay," Dillon nodded. "Next time you have a pillow fight can I play to?"

Mark couldn't hold it in anymore, he lost it. I couldn't tell if he was crying or laughing or coughing, but all three seemed to be mixed in somewhere. "That's enough, Mark," Addison rolled her eyes at him.

"It's just...I can just imagine. I couldn't..." Mark said laughing. "It was...classic."

"You know what, Dill?" Meredith smiled at her son. "Daddy Derek and I were having a very grown up pillow fight. A kind that no one under the age of...um...eighteen...can play."

"Were you making pancakes?" Dillon asked looking excited.

"Making...pancakes?" Mark was trying to regain his breath. "Oh...that is...making...oh god..."

"Shut up, Mark," I glared at him. "Can we go see her now, Addie?'

"Whenever Mark is ready to act his age," she nodded, glaring at Mark as he fell against the wall.

"Sorry, sorry," Mark gasped starting to pull himself back together.

Once my asshole best friend had pulled himself together, we crowded into Mom's room as Cristina Yang spoke to us. "We've been reducing her meds significantly," she told us, "and she should be awake soon. She'll be awake when we take out the tube and it's going to hurt, and she's going to fight the tube So, just be prepared."

"Cristina, you're in a room full of doctors," I laughed. "We know."

"I'm not a doctor," Dillon corrected me.

"A room full of doctors and a big boy," I said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

We waited for a few minutes as the medicine wore off, Cristina prepared to take the breathing tube out as my mother came out of it. She looked pale, weak, but the minute she was alert, her body started jerking around, I could her screaming against the tube. Dillon buried his head in my neck, tears coming swiftly as Addison grabbed my mom's hand and Cristina took the tube out.

Meredith squeezed my hand tightly again, as we all held a collective breath. Today was big, today was huge. Addison was right, it was good we were all here, we all had to be here.

"Mrs. Shepherd," Addison whispered. "Mrs. Shepherd. You're at Seattle Grace Hospital. You had major surgery to remove the cancer in your lungs and were intubated. Dr. Yang is just taking out the tube. Everyone is here...the whole family."

My mom went to say something, but couldn't not yet. I moved foward, bringing Meredith with me and squeezed my mom's hand. "It's okay, Mom. We're here."

"Your throat is going to be sore," Addison told her kindly. "Don't try to talk yet. Give it time."

My mom struggled to say something but you could tell she was in pain. "Do you want water, Mom?" Meredith asked, sliping her hand out of mine and heading towards the table wear the water sat.

My mother nodded desperately and Mer poured the water, slipping a straw into the cup and coming over, settling herself onto the bed and holding up my mother's head with one hand as Mom sipped through the straw. Mom nodded as she drew away and looked at me with questioning eyes.

"What is it, Mom?" I asked, heading over closer to my fiancee.

"Wh-what happ-happened?" she asked hoarsely, wincing at the pain shooting through her vocal cords. I had seen this before, I had had to remove breathing tubes from several patients, but it didn't change the fact that it killed me to see my mom like this.

"You stopped breathing, the cancer was too far into your lungs and you..." I struggled to tell her, my hand finding Meredith's again. "They operated, they removed tha cancer."

"Gone?" she whispered.

"We don't know yet," I answered.

"You'll have to resume chemotherapy," Addison told my mother gently. "It will be more intense. You're going to fight this."

"We'll get through this," I assured her.

Dillon had scrambled done from my arms and run over to Mark, holding onto his legs for dear life and as I turned to look at them, I noticed that, for the first time since we had found out about Mom's cancer, Mark couldn't look at her. He couldn't meet her eyes. He was holding Dillon close to him, and he was staring at the floor.

"How are you feeling, Mom?" Erin asked.

"Tired," Mom answered. "My throat...hurts."

"We won't stay long," I promised. "We just wanted to be here."

She shook her head lightly and then turned to Meredith, placing her hand lightly on my fiancee's stomach. "Baby?" she asked quietly.

"She's fine," Meredith assured her. "We're naming her Megan. Dillon picked it."

"Megan," Mom said softly and then nodded. "Beautiful."

"Megan Elaine Shepherd," I nodded, my hand covering my mom's on Meredith's stomach.

"Oh wow," Leah cried from behind us, as sobs wracked her body. "Seriously. Just...god, Derek, are you trying to kill us here?"

"Don't blame me. That was Mer's idea," I laughed.

Kathleen smiled a little bit. "Mer, you're amazing," she whispered through her own tears.

"It's nothing," Meredith shook her head quickly. "We were just...I knew Derek would like it. And I just...I don't have a relationship with my mom, I thought it would be nice."

"I'm um," Mark suddenly spoke up, "I uh...have...something. Patient. Kiddo, you wanna come with me?"

"Sure, Uncle Mark," Dillon replied putting his arms up for Mark to pick him up.

"Mark," Meredith said. "You don't need to go."

"Mark, don't leave," I told him.

"Patient," he muttered, picking Dillon up. "I'll see you later, Mom." He didn't look at her as he went out of the room.

'You should go talk to him," Meredith whispered in my ear.

"What?" I stared at her. Mark and I didn't talk. We picked on each other, had drinks, went to strip clubs. But Mark didn't talk. Mark wasn't capable of actually expressing whatever emotions were going on in his severely fucked up head.

"You're his brother, you should go," Meredith urged me. "I'll stay with the family."

"Mark," my mother nodded at me. "Go talk Derek."

"Fine, I'm going," I sighed, giving my mom a quick kiss. And then kissing Meredith. "Call my cell if you need me."

"Derek," Addison looked up at me.

"Yeah?" I asked her.

"He's losing it," she said softly. "And he's pulling a Derek."

"You don't get to call it a Derek," I pouted. "I'll talk to him."

I went out into the hallway to find Mark standing at the nurses station, flipping through a chart, talking to Dillon. "Fifty percent of her body was covered in third degree burns," he said. "And I operated. It's going to be a hard one, kiddo. Think you can handle it?"

"Of course I can," Dillon nodded. "I'm going to be a brain doctor like Daddy Derek."

"Yeah, well burns are grosser than brains," Mark told my son as my heart filled with pride. "But you made it through Plastic Surgery Nightmares the other night okay."

"What have you been teaching my son?" I asked, approaching them.

"Plastic surgeons," Dillon answered. "Burns and rhinos."

"But you apparently want to be a brain doctor, like me," I beamed at him.

"Yeah!" he nodded. "Cause on Real Life Surgeries, I saw a brain and it was cool!"

I laughed and turned my attention to Mark. "So according to Addison you're pulling a Derek."

"What the hell is a Derek?" he asked as he wrote something in the chart.

"Running away, leaving everyone to deal with the mess you leave behind. The shit you've been yelling at me for," I explained.

"I have a patient," he shrugged. "You know, it's called being a surgeon. I realize you may have forgotten what that's like but I could remind you."

"I haven't forgotten. Actually I remember a night a week ago in which I had patients all night, and you had to tuck my family in for me," I said.

"Yeah, well, you're an ass," Mark shrugged.

"Takes one to know one," I shrugged.

"You calling me an ass?" he stared at me. "I just saved your ass big time, Shepherd. Meredith was all ready to dump you to the curb."

I tried to ignore the pain the pure thought of that brought to my chest. And to ignore the fact that that was probably what their lunchtime conversation had been about. I couldn't think about how close to the edge we had gotten, but we were good now. We were us again. "You're the one that stalked out of Mom's room minutes after she woke up."

"I thought I'd give her a second alone with her family," he said, snapping the chart shut. "Come on, kiddo, what were the facts of the case?"

"Since when has her family not included you?" I said, grabbing the chart out of his hands.

"I'm not doing girl talk, Shepherd," he growled.

"Mom sent me out here to find out what the hell is wrong. If I don't come back with you it's my head on the plate. So you better believe you're doing girl talk," I growled back.

His pager went off and he stared at it and then looked back at me. "Don't have time for a crying moment," he said. "I've gotta run."

"Mark, ignore it. Don't do what I did. Don't run from your family when they need you the most," I begged him.

"I don't have a family," he said coldly.

"That is complete an utter bullshit and you know it. We've been your family forever," I argued.

"Daddy Derek, you said a bad word," Dillon said quietly.

"Sorry bud, Uncle Mark is being bad," I tried to explain.

"Do you need a time out, Uncle Mark?" Dillon turned to him, his hands on his hips. "Cause I'll take away your toys. No third burns."

"I'm not running," Mark rolled his eyes. "I have a patient."

"No patient," Dillon threatened. "Come on, Uncle Mark, let's go give Grandma a kiss."

"She's just as much your mom as she is Dillon's grandma," I shrugged.

He stared at Dillon for a second. "Kiddo, do you have a grandma? A real one?"

Dillon looked confused for a second and looked up at me. "Grandma's my grandma," he shrugged. "She's Daddy Derek's mommy, so that makes her my grandma."

"Yeah," Mark nodded. "Guess that makes sense. Except, Derek's not your real dad, is he?"

I expected Dillon to cry, to yell or to do something. Instead he just smiled at Mark, as if Mark was a 2 year old who couldn't understand basic life concepts. "Derek's my dad. He said we're family, that makes him my dad."

Mark stared at him, and then he swallowed. "You're smart, kid," he said. "Smarter than me."

"Come on, Mark. Mom wants you in there. She wants her family in there," I said, urging him back to the room.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Let's go give Grandma a kiss, Dillon."

Just as we were about to enter the room I grabbed Mark's elbow and held him back for a second. "Thanks," I nodded. "For you know...not letting her break up with me. I don't know...but thanks."

Before he could answer, Webber came up to us. "Shep," he said, "we need to talk."

I nodded. "Tell Mer and everyone else I'll be right back," I told Mark.

Mark nodded and took Dillon's hand, leading him into the room. "In my office," Webber said, his eyes curiously blank.

I followed him to his office, wodering what could possibly be going on that he pulled me away from my family. And when I wasn't on duty."What's up?" I asked as he closed the door.

"Shep, you know you've been my number one choice for Chief for a while now," he looked at me, his arms crossed over his chest. This man was my mentor. He had gotten me through my residency, had taught me more than I had ever thought possible, had helped me pick a specialty. He was, in a weird way, a father figure.

"I know," I nodded slowly, wondering where this was going. He had been find with me taking some time off. He had understood my need for a break, even said it was about time I took one. And yet he didn't look too pleased right now. "And I thank you for that."

"When I introduced you to Ellis, it was with the sole intention of impressing her," he stated. "I wanted her feedback on your skills. I know you're the best damn surgeon we have in this hospital, but I wanted an outsider's opinion."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, dropping onto his couch. "Oh, I expect she gave me glowing reviews."

"She told me that it would be the biggest mistake of my career to make you chief, " he told me. "Called you unfocused and suggested you could be much more dedicated to the job. I'll admit, I was confused. That's not the Shep I know."

"You know what her problem with me is?" I sighed. "I want it all. I want the family and the career. I think I can have it all. She liked me. She offered me chief in Boston. And then she found out I was engaged with a baby on the way. To her daughter of all people."

"Your pregnant fiancee is Meredith?" he asked me, his eyes growing wide. "And Ellis offered you chief in Boston?"

"The offer got pulled pretty quickly," I told him. "And yes, it's Meredith."

"Meredith," he said slowly and then shook his head. "Shep, I need to know you're dedicated to this job. Because I plan on retiring soon."

"I'm dedicated, Richard. You know I am. My dad...he made it all work. He made it work perflectly, and I plan to do the same," I said.

"The hours as chief," he began, "they will be more demanding than your hours as a neurosurgeon."

"I know," I nodded. "Mer's behind me on this. We're going to make this work."

"I'm glad you feel that way," he nodded. "I spoke to the board this morning and they believe you are the perfect choice for Seattle Grace's next Chief of Surgery. Congratulations, Derek."

"What?" I asked my eyes wide.

"Chief of Surgery," he repeated. "You are the obvious choice. I am officially making you the offer."

"Wow..." I blinked. Today had offically become surreal. Meredith and I had finally come together on everything. My mom was awake. And now...this. "I...I have to talk to Mer before officially accepting it."

"Of course," he nodded. "But can I draw up the contract? This is what you want, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes," I answered shaking my head eagerly and then laughing. "I just need to talk to Meredith about it, before everything. She's 7 months pregnant and emotional. And I've been kind of stupid with her for the past 7 months so I just need to run it by her. Sorry, ramling, Meredith habbit."

He laughed and clapped me on the back. "I won't be giving up my post until after your daughter is born," he told me. "Though, I would like you to come in a couple of times a week. Learn the ropes. Do a surgery here and there. I understand you need a break, but I think one shift a week won't hurt you."

"I can do that. Meredith's been urging me to get back to doing something. I think having Dill and I both around all the time is getting to her," I laughed.

"Congratulations, Derek," he told me. "Your father would be very proud."

"I'd like to think so," I nodded.

"And about Ellis," he suddenly said. "She's not happy, Derek."

"I don't care how unhappy she is. Nothing gives her the excuse to talk to Meredith the way she did," I said fiercly.

"Derek, the number one thing every surgeon fears is losing control," he said. "And there was a situation years ago. Meredith probably doesn't remember. But there was a situation Ellis Ish says:

"Hardened is one word," I said, shaking my head in disgust. "In the span of two days she entirely devastated my family."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he nodded, and I swear guilt passed over his features, but then he sighed. "Go tell your family the good news, Derek."

"Thank you again, sir," I stood up, shaking his hand.

I walked out of his office, my head floating. I was the future Chief of Surgery of Seattle Grace Hospital. One of the best hospitals on the West Coast and I would be running its surgical wing in just a few months. This was the climax of my career. Everything was falling into place. Everything. I had it all. Meredith, Dillon, Megan. The job. My family. I had it all.

I reached my mom's room, relieved to see everyone talking and looking happy. And immediately decided to save my news for another day. Today was Mom's day. But Meredith, Meredith needed to know now. "I'm stealing my fiancee for a minute," I said, grabbing her arm.

"What?" Meredith stammered as I practically dragged her out of the room. "Derek, what are you doing?"

I kissed her. Right in the middle of the hallway where I would one day soon be chief, I kissed her. "Webber just offered me the job."

"What?" she asked as she stared at me.

"Dr. Webber has decided to retire in a few months," I nodded, a smile stretched across my face. "And I've been offered the job of Chief of Surgery."

"Oh my God!" Meredith gasped as she hugged me. "Derek, oh my...when? Just now?"

I nodded, to choked up to answer. Because all my dreams were coming true. And Meredith was happy for me, she had launched herself on me.

"Derek, this is amazing," she smiled, her eyes bright. "You said yes, didn't you? You weren't stupid and said no?"

"I told him I wanted it but that I'd have to talk to you first," I answered, kissing her again.

"What's there to talk about?" she asked. "You're the Chief of Surgery!"

I smiled at her enthusiasm. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction from her. "It means longer hours, Mer. I can make it work. My dad did, and I fully plan to. But you need to know, it will be harder."

She nodded. "When do you start?"

"No exact date yet. Sometime after Megan comes. But he wants me in once a week starting now, to teach me the ropes," I explained.

"If it's after Megan's born, we'll be fine," she said. "Derek, you're not giving this up. This is your dream. And you're not giving it up."

"Thank you for understanding," I whispered, pulling her close. "Thank you for letting me have this."

"I wouldn't dream of taking it away from you," she whispered. "I'm here for you one hundred percent."

"I love you," I smiled.

I love you too," she smiled back and then kissed me, hard. "Okay, Chief, let's go tell everyone."

"Not today, Mer. Mom just woke up, today is her day. Our news can wait till later, after I sign the contract," I said. And then all of a sudden laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"I'm Mark's boss. And Addie's. And Erin's," I laughed.

She giggled. "They're going to love that, Der," she kissed me. "And, Derek, let's add to the happy news. Your mom...we...she'd...she'd want to know now, I think. She looks like she hates all the attention."

"You sure?" I asked her, my heart warming at her watching out for my mom.

"Yes," she nodded. "Definitely. And anyway, I want to see Mark's face."

I laughed and wrapped my arm around her, bringing her back to the room. I cleared my throat. Everyone looked. "Mer and I have an announcement to make. Which has kind of been our thing for the past few months."

"It's more Derek's announcement though," Meredith smiled proudly at me.

"Dr. Webber just offered me Chief of Surgery," I said, smiling

"Did you accept?" Kathleen asked before anyone could react.

"Not officially yet, I had to talk to Mer. But I'm going to," I nodded.

"Oh, Derek," Mom sighed, tears springing to her eyes.

I walked over and gave her a quick hug. "It's okay, Mom."

"Your father," she sighed again, "he'd be so proud of you."

"I know, Mom, I know," I whispered, pulling her in for a tighter hug.

"So...wait," Erin spoke up, horror on her features. "Does this mean that my big brother is my boss?""It does," I smiled at her, Mark and Addie.

"Oh God," Mark rolled his eyes. "Kill me now."

"No, no, no, Mark. It's a few months till I take the position. That's when killing you will begin," I laughed.

"How long do I have to plot your murder?" Erin asked. "Because if you were arrogant before, well, now..."

"There's no exact date," Meredith answered giggling. "Sometime after Megan is born."

"They'll probably give you a month after Megan's born," Addison said. "Paternity leave. And then you'll be Chief of Surgery. You're not going to use...things...against me, are you?"

"Oh, that's a secret," I laughed. "This is going to be fun. Being the boss of three family members."

Meredith giggled as she squeezed my hand tightly. She looked proud of me. She didn't admire me. She didn't worship me. But she was proud. And as her eyes shone with happiness, as my mother cried happy tears, as I put my hand on my fiancee's belly and felt my daughter kick inside her, I finally felt all the tension of the last seven months melt away into a calm I had never felt before.

_This day feels like heaven to me, everything is wrapped up in gold._


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: We want to be funny,we do. But it's Grey's Day. It's THAT Grey's Day. So all we can say is we don't own it.**

Yellow. It was the color Meredith and I had decided on for Meggie's nursery. It was the color I had bought at Home Depot a few days earlier. It was the color that was currently on the walls. It was also the color that was covering my six year old son as he attempted to help. I had woken up that morning with the idea that the nursery would be painted by the end of the day, and had enlisted Dill's help. Not one of my better ideas. Working with him had been fun. But well..."Bud, your mom is going to kill me," I groaned.

He was covered in yellow paint. I wasn't even sure how it was possible. Because it looked like someone had turned him upside down and dipped him into the bucket of paint. His previously white t shirt was now completely yellow. "Why?" he grinned at me.

"I don't think she wants a yellow son," I laughed.

He giggled and then looked at the wall he had been working on. There definitely wasn't very much paint on the walls. "My teacher says I'm a very good painter," he told me.

"And you are, you're very good at painting pictures. Walls...not so much," I replied.

"Holy mother of destruction," Izzie and Meredith came into the room. They had gone out that morning and I had thought it would be nice for Meredith to come home to a yellow nursery. Instead, they stared at Dillon, Izzie being the first to speak. "What happened?"

"I'm honestly not quite sure," I answered, staring at Dillon.

"I'm painting," he grinned at Izzie and Meredith, who seemed to be in complete shock. "Do you think Megan will like it?"

Suddenly Meredith's eyes left her son and swept the now nearly entirely yellow room. "Wow, guys! Megan will love it."

"I did it by myself," Dillon's yellow head nodded quickly. "Daddy Derek helped a little."

"Did he?" Meredith giggled. "You did a good job, Dill."

I rolled my eyes and kissed Meredith quickly. "You shouldn't be in here," I told her.

"What? Why?" she asked, confused as I tried to guide her out of the room.

"The fumes, Mer," Izzie nodded. "Alex did the same thing to me. It's completely ridiculous."

"It's not, fumes aren't good for babies," I argued, pressing my hand on her stomach. "Besides we're nearly done in here."

"Doesn't look like it," she giggled. "Unless Dillon is now a part of the room."

"I thought he'd make a good installation piece," I answered in an entirely flat tone, nodding solemnly.

"Oh, definitely," Meredith nodded. "I see that surgeon's brain of yours is also good for interior decorating."

"It could be a whole new career for me if this chief thing gets tired," I laughed.

"You and Dill would make a great team," she laughed, kissing me.

"Now you. Downstairs. And open some windows," I ordered.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. Just let me look at it, really quick."

"Five seconds, you have five seconds," I answered.

"Fine," she smiled as she walked into the room, walking around slowly, her hand on her stomach. "This room is huge. How are we ever going to fill it?"

"That stuff we keep talking about getting might help," I said, slipping my hand in hers.

"That's true," she nodded. "But it's still going to look empty."

I smiled slyly at Izzie. "We could have a baby shower. Be given a whole bunch of useless stuff we don't need. Do girly things."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "Definitely not. No baby showers. No girly things. People can give us a whole bunch of useless stuff we don't need without the cookies shaped like baby rattles."

"I like cookies shaped like baby rattles, Mer," I argued.

"Mark's right," she rolled her eyes, "you're such a girl. And don't give Izzie ideas. No diaper cakes or cookies shaped like baby rattles or pink streamers and balloons. Do you hear me, Izz?"

"Loud and clear, Mer," she nodded, winking at me the second Meredith's back was turned.

"Dill," Mer said to her son, walking towards him, "I think that's enough painting for today. Daddy Derek will finish. Let's give you a bath."

"But I have to finish. Daddy Derek needs my help," Dillon whined.

"You know what?" Meredith smiled at him. "You did such a good job, I think Daddy Derek wants to try by himself. Let's see if he's better than you."

"He's not," Dillon said. "But he can try."

Meredith laughed. "You're right. Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Or your dad is going to kill me when he picks you up tonight."

"Okay," Dillon nodded and then turned back to me. "Daddy Derek come and get me if you need any help."

"I will, bud," I nodded seriously.

Meredith and Dillon left the room, chattering about how much fun painting had been. I immediately turned to Izzie. "You're on this, right?" I asked.

"Oh completely," she smiled. "I even sent out the invitations. And your sisters have been so helpful. She has no idea, right?"

"None," I grinned. "She's going to be furious."

"She really will," Izzie laughed. "But it was your idea. I only baked. And sent out invitations. And planned it all."

"She'll love it, she really will," I nodded. Meredith would. She didn't think she wanted one, but I knew Mer. She had her tough shell but once you cut through it, she was just as soft as Izzie.

"I just hope Cristina doesn't let it spill," Izzie said as she picked up a paintbrush. "She can't keep a secret."

"I'll offer her surgeries to keep her quiet. That should work," I laughed.

"She hates neuro," Izzie laughed. "And I have to know, how'd you get Mer to register for gifts?"

"I pointed out that regardless of a shower or not people would get us things. And that if we didn't register she'd get stuff she didn't want," I shrugged.

"Very smart," Izzie giggled. "Alex says we're going to get slaughtered."

"Karev is a coward," I laughed. "She's not going to kill us. We're her family. She can't kill family."

"I don't know," Izzie smiled a little. "Her pregnancy hormones could cause her to become violent. If that happens, it's all on you."

"I can take her tiny ineffectual fists," I said, spreading some more paint over the wall.

We worked in silence for a few minutes, Izzie painting over Dillon's meager strokes. "You know," she said, stopping. "We're really happy for you guys. I don't know if you know that. But all of us are."

"Thanks Izz," I nodded. "We feel kind of bad. We've been so busy with my mom that we haven't had a lot of time for Mer's side of the family recently."

"Yeah, Cristina told me," Izzie nodded. "How's she doing?"

"Better," I smiled. It had been a week since they took out the breathing tube and she seemed better. The chemo was knocking her down, but things seemed to be looking up. "She's going through some intense chemo, but we're hopeful."

"She'll survive it, Derek," she smiled encouragingly. "I know she will."

"Thanks Izzie," I nodded.

"And just so you're forewarned," she started painting again, "Cristina has plans to kick your ass the next time the two of you are alone."

"What? Why?" I asked, a little worried.

"Cristina is Mer's person," Izzie explained. "You know that right?"

"So Meredith tells me," I nodded slowly.

"You hurt Mer," she stated. "You hurt her and that means Cristina has to kill you. I think she may actually hate you right now."

"But...it's fixed. Mer and I, we're good. I apologized, Mer forgave me," I said, completely confused.

"Mer may have forgiven you, but Cristina doesn't forgive," she said.

"So she's going to hate me for the rest of my life because I hurt Meredith once?" I asked.

"Possibly," Izzie nodded. "Or at least until she kicks your ass."

"And it doesn't affect her that I make Meredith really happy?" I questioned.

"All she knows is that you seriously hurt Mer," Izzie shrugged.

"I made a mistake," I argued. "I'm making it up to her."

"It's Cristina," Izzie sighed. "You try reasoning with her."

"I'm sorry you know. I know she's like a sister to all of you, and I didn't mean to hurt her. I truly didn't," I tried to explain.

"I know, Derek," she smiled at me. "I know that. It's just...she's Meredith. And Dillon's Dillon. We've raised him all together. And Cristina is protective."

I sighed deeply. I probably still deserved whatever it was that Cristina was about to dish out. "I can take it."

"I'll throw down for you," she smiled. "I was raised in a trailer park. I'll kick her ass."

"You'd kick your friends ass for me?" I laughed.

"You make Mer happy," Izzie laughed. "And Cristina's a pain in the ass a lot."

"She is. But don't tell Mer I said that," I laughed.

"Don't tell Mer what?" Meredith asked as she came into the room, soaked with water.

"That umm...I love how you look pregnant," I said, not being able to come up with any better excuse than that.

"You're a terrible liar," she rolled her eyes.

"Which is a good thing," I nodded.

"Why is it a good thing that you're a terrible liar?" she asked. "And what can't you tell me?"

"It's good because it means I can never lie to you. And that was nothing," I said, hugging her.

"Derek, we said no more secrets," she admonished me.

"This isn't a secret, Mer," I pouted.

"You're not telling me," she said. "And you two have been acting weird."

"We haven't been acting weird," Izzie cut in quickly.

"You have," Meredith nodded. "Talking and dragging me out of the house at the crack of dawn. And asking me questions. Weird questions. Like if I like lady fingers. What the hell are lady fingers?"

"Oh, that was nothing," Izzie giggled nervously. "It's just baking stuff, Mer."

"Baking stuff?" Meredith raised her eyebrows at me. "Derek, you bake?"

"Izzie's going to teach me," I answered quickly.

"Why would you need to know how to bake?" Meredith asked as she reached to pick up a paint brush.

"Well you can't, someone in our family should know how," I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and dipped the brush in the paint, going towards the wall. "You are both insane."

"Meredith, no painting," I went over to try to grab the brush.

"Why not?" she asked. "I want to help with my daughter's nursery."

"Do you want to make your daughter unhealthy as well?" I warned.

"Derek, the paint fumes are fine," she turned to Izzie. "You painted with Becky."

"I'm not getting into this one," Izzie said, shaking her head quickly.

"Derek, Izzie painted with Becky and Becky is completely normal," Meredith stood in front of me, her hands on her hips. "I can paint."

I knew that look, that look told me I was fighting a losing battle. "Fine. But you're not spending anymore than an hour in here."

"Fine," she nodded. "So, Izz, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing much. Just..you know...the usual stuff. With the kids, I'm doing stuff with the kids. And well stuff," she mumbled.

"Derek and I were thinking about going dancing Saturday," she said. "You and Alex should come."

"Dancing? You're 7 months pregnant?" Izzie asked.

"Oh, God, don't give me a lecture," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I feel like dancing."

"We've already had this discussion. Apparently being 7 months pregnant makes her more stubborn than usual," I laughed.

"Mer, you're in your final trimester," Izzie stared at her. "You shouldn't be dancing."

"Addie said it was fine. She's my doctor. If she tells me I can dance, I can dance. I'm not some freaking invalid that has to sit with my feet up all night. I don't need to be coddled. If I want to dance, I can dance," she complained.

"What about the Braxton Hicks?" Izzie asked. "You said you're getting them again."

"What? Mer? Braxton Hicks again?" I said, rushing over to her and pressing a hand on her back.

"Thanks, Izz," Meredith sighed before turning to me. "It's normal, Der. It's my body getting ready for labor. They're not even that painful."

"Have you told Addison?" I breathed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd panic," she said. "And no, not yet. I just got them today. And I was fine. Izzie, will you tell him that they're normal. And that I wasn't even in pain. Just uncomfortable."

"They're perfectly normal, Derek. And she was fine, she winced a bit and that was it," Izzie nodded to me.

"See?" Meredith turned back to me. "Perfectly normal."

"Are you sure? Should you be sitting down or something?" I asked.

"I'm not having them right now," she assured me. "And I had them with Dillon and he ended up being born two weeks late."

"If you're sure," I said, pressing my hand down on her stomach. "Just watching out for Princess Meggie and her mother."

"You guys are so cute," Izzie smiled hugely.

"It's sickening," Meredith rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "I don't know why I'm with him."

"Because of my irresistible charm," I smiled at her and then pulled her close, kissing her deeply.

"You really are adorable," Izzie gushed.

"Hey Izz," Meredith turned to her friend, an evil smile on her face, "do you want to take Dillon for the afternoon maybe?"

Izzie laughed. "Sure. Becky will be happy to see him."

"Thanks," Meredith nodded. "Dill's in his room. I'll tell Lucas to pick him up from your house." She squeezed my ass.

"No problem," Izzie said, smiling at me. For some reason I knew exactly what was going through her head. That she would give me this afternoon because it was the last one I'd get in a really long time.

The second we heard Izzie leave the house with Dillon, Meredith was taking off my paint splattered shirt, kissing me frantically as she tore it off of me. "You look so hot right now," she whispered in my ear before biting at my ear lobe.

"Hmm..." I mummered, kissing her hard. "Maybe I should paint more often." My hands flew to the hem of her shirt and I pulled it over. "You're so beautiful right now, Mer."

"Definitely paint more often," she nodded, her hands running deftly over my chest as she trailed kisses down, getting down on her knees as she began to undo my fly.

"God Mer," I gasped as she pulled my pants and boxers down her hand immediately grabbing my penis and stroking it gently. She was desperate for me, she hummed with desire.

"Nothing to interrupt us," she whispered as she stroked me. "And I want to repay you for last week." She licked the head of my penis, her tongue swirling around it and I moaned, wondering how the hell I would be able to stay standing.

"Mer," I begged as she took me fully into her mouth. She left her lips near the base, swirling her tongue around me, her hands traveling to my ass and squeezed hard. I buried my hands in her hair, a thought drifting into my mind, wondering if this was okay. If this was good for the baby. I wanted to say something but her tongue swirling around me, her hands grabbing my ass seemed to have rendered me completely and totally speechless. She pulled back slightly, begin to stroke my length with her lips, her pace slow and torturous. She let her teeth graze me just enough to make me gasp. She was so damned good at this, so amazingly good.

I was already shaking as she picked up her pace for a few seconds and then slowed again, repeating this trend as she swirled her tongue again. I struggled to find something to lean against, something to stand against, but as she picked up her tortorous pace, I could only flail meaninglessly as I threw my head back. "Meredith...Mer," I gasped. My knees trembled, my whole body shook with desire as she took me all into her mouth, her hands squeezed my ass harder. "God..." The release, when it came, was amazing and I fought not to fall to the ground as I moaned her name, and pulled her hair a little. "Mer...god...Mer..." My brain was entirely unable to form a coherent though.

Meredith pulled back as my body still trembled a devilish smile on her face as she trailed kissing along my thighs, soft kisses that sent shivers through my body compare to the heat from minutes before. "Jesus, Mer," I panted. "Are you...uh...trying to kill me?"

"Definitely not," Meredith giggled, moving up my body, pressing soft kisses over my feverish skin. "I'm not done with you," she said, reaching and undoing the claps of her bra, removing it entirely.

I could only stare at her, at her beautiful pregnant body as he kissed me hard. "Mer," I whispered as she pulled back. "This is our daughter's room."

"Right now it's a big yellow empty room," Meredith answered, her voice husky as her hands moved to her fly and she undid her pants, sliding them down, stripping in front of me.

"No," I shook my head. "It's our...our..." She was amazing.

She pressed her body against mine and kissed me hard, wrapping her fingers through my hair, as her tongue found mine. My hands subconciously moved to her breasts as she gently pulled away. "No?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Not in here," I shook my head, my hand moving now to her stomach, where our daughter was moving aggressively, just as she always did whenever Mer and I did anything sexual at all.

"What happened to my daring, adventerous fiance?" she pouted before kissing me hard again, taking my growing erection in her hands.

"Mer," I moaned, half in protest, half in desire.

She moved my penis against her, rubbing it gently against her clit. "Right here, on the floor," she demanded.

I moaned again, wondering what the hell had gotten into her. "Mer, I want to," I nodded. "But the fumes...and your back."

"We'll be quick," she said, her lips traveling to my neck, gently biting it. "Please? Please?"

I caught her lips against mine, nibbling at her bottom lip. "Our bedroom."

"Derek..." she said seriously. "We're Meredith and Derek. We don't have sex in our bed."

"When you're seven months pregnant we do," I replied.

"But Der," she said, leaning over and whispering in my ear, her breath hot against it. "I want you. Here. Now."

"God, Mer," I whispered back, "so do I. But..."

"But nothing," she whispered, biting my ear. "Now."

"Meredith," I sighed. The news about the Braxton Hicks had me worried about her, and I had the feeling that having sex in a fumes infested room on the floor would definitely not have Addison smiling.

"Derek," she said, pulling back slightly, frowning. "Never mind...I get it."

"Good," I nodded, smiling. "I'm glad you get it." I took her hand and tried to lead her to the bedroom.

She pulled her hand back, leaning over and starting to pick up her discarded clothes. "I'm 7 months pregnant, I can't...I shouldn't have expected things to stay the same. I'm fat and pregnant."

"What?" I asked, whipping around to stare at her. "Mer, what are you talking about?"

"You don't want me anymore, I get it. I do. I wouldn't want me either," she mumbled, making a move to put the shirt back on.

"Woah, woah," I took the shirt out of her hands and grabbed her shoulders. "Mer, you're beautiful. Gorgeous. Of course I want you. God, I don't want you less, I want you more."

"No, Derek. You don't have to be nice about this. I get it," she whispered, moving to get the shirt back from me.

"No, you don't get it," I said. "And I'm not being nice. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen." I leaned forward and kissed her, moving my fingers down to gentle stroke one of her nipples. "If it were up to me, we'd do nothing but have sex."

"You just turned down sex, Derek," she pointed out.

"I turned down having sex in here," I smiled. "In this room. Any other room, fine."

"But I want it in here," she pouted.

"Mer," I sighed, my hand going to her stomach, "you and Meggie are my top priorities right now. And this room has fumes in it. And you're having false labor pains again. And don't pretend that your back doesn't hurt. I want you to be comfortable."

"But we don't have sex in beds, Der. This is us. This is how I ended up like this in the first place," she said, chewing lip.

"Mer, let me take care of you," I smiled. "I promise, once Meggie is born, we'll never have sex in a bed ever again. But right now, I need to make sure that when I'm making love to you, the two of you are healthy and comfortable."

She smiled at me, her eyes bright as she wrapped her arms around me. "I love you."

I inhaled the scent of lavender as I buried my head in her hair. "I love you too," I whispered.

"Since you want to be a boring old man you might as well take me to bed," she rolled her eyes.

"I'll show you boring old man," I laughed as I kissed her hard and started stumbling out of the room, my hands tangled in her hair.

We stumbled to our bedroom, our lips smashing together, the passion of before quickly returning. No word I had said to her had been a lie. She was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. She was mine and she was perfect. And now that Dillon was taken care of, I wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed.

We fell onto the bed together and she kissed me hard before turning onto her side. We had realized two nights earlier that sex the usual way was becoming impossible due to her belly, and had discovered that if I entered her from behind, well, it was good fun for both of us. My hand wrapped around her, resting on her breast, my fingers teased her nipple. My mouth traveled to her throat, pressing light kisses on it as I pushed myself inside her. She arched her back against mine and moaned my name as I slipped in and out of her, teasing her nipple with my fingers, trailing kisses from her neck to her shoulders as I created a soft rhythm, paying her back for the tortorous pace she had taken in the nursery.

"Mer," I breathed, as her legs trembled around me. I pushed deeper inside her, feeling her tighten up around me as her breath became shallow.

"Derek," she panted as I pushed further into her, loving the way her body hummed with anticipation with each thrust. I was close to breaking point, I could feel myself tighten with my orgasm but I bit it back, needing to hold myself back, needing to bring Meredith to that point before I finished. She arched her back against me, tightening around me as she moaned my name, turning her head to kiss me hard as she finally came, moaning into my mouth. Seconds later I moaned her name as I released inside of her.

I slipped out of her and pulled her closed, holding her tightly as she steadied her breathing. My hand found its way to her stomach and I smiled as I felt our daughter kicking. "She definitely doesn't like that," I laughed.

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded as she put her hand over mine. "Definitely not."

"I don't want to move ever again," I moaned pulling her closer.

"Me neither," she murmured. "Let's stay here forever."

"I wish we could," I whispered kissing her neck.

"Der," she sat up and then turned, resting on her side so that she was facing me, "are you scared?"

I looked at her for a second before nodding. "Yeah, you?"

"A little," she admitted. "I had a nightmare, last night."

"What happened?" I asked, running a comforting hand over her hair.

"I had them when I was pregnant with Dillon" she sighed. "That something would be the matter. Something scary and unfixable."

"We'll be fine. We have each other," I told her, wrapping her hand in my own.

"Two months," she whispered. "We're not ready."

"We have time, we have a lot of time," I reassured her.

"Not really," she shook her head. "What if she comes early?"

"Meredith, stop worrying. Maybe we're not ready. Maybe she'll come early. But we will get through this. Our family will get through this," I nodded.

She nodded slightly and then looked down at our entwined hands. "I never thought I'd be having another baby. I thought Dill was it for me."

"I never thought I'd be having a baby. I never thought I'd get any of this," I sighed.

"Why not?" she asked. "You're a reasonably attractive guy."

"Who's been too hooked on his career to notice that my life had been passing me by. When I finally looked up...there you were," I smiled.

"You're so cheesy sometimes," she smiled as she kissed me. "And in less than a year, you got a fiancee, a son, and a daughter."

"I never thought I'd be this lucky," I whispered.

"I love you," she said, her hand squeezing mine gently.

"I love you too," I replied.

"Der."

"Yes?"

"I'm starving," she smiled at me.

"Of course you are. Order in or do you want me to cook?" I smiled back.

"I want Chinese," she stated.

"You don't like Chinese," I said, giving her a strange look.

She nodded and then put her hand on her belly. "I think Meggie does."

"Chinese it is," I said, rolling over to grab the phone from the side of the bed to call the restaurant.

After I called the restaurant, I pulled her back into my arms, amazed by how right this felt, by how happy I was. This all felt so surreal, because, well, it had happened so quickly. One minute, I was the head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace. The next, I was engaged to the most amazing woman I had ever met and we were expecting a baby. But it felt right. The past year just felt right.

_"I'll never mess it up again, let it slip like grains of sand…"_


	48. Chapter 48

**Disclaimer: Did you see that episode? We are not capable of that brilliance. We don't even belong in the same sentence as that brilliance. Shonda is over there writing THAT and we're here doing this.**

I always wondered what my last day alive was going to be like. Sure that thought sounded morbid, but it was something I had wondered over for years now. And now I knew. My last day alive was spent waking up beside my cranky fiancee who chose today of all days to feel fat. It was spent dragging my stepson to his dad's where he didn't want to go. And taking Meredith to what was beginning to feel like my doom.

"Where are we going?" she snapped as we got into the car, running twenty minutes late after a small tantrum from my fiancee during which she told me she would kill me in my sleep.

"Just out," I shrugged. "I thought it would be nice to get out of the house."

"So people can stare at me and call me a fat ass?" she asked. "Right. Thanks for that, honey."

"Meredith, you're pregnant. No one calls pregnant woman fat ass," I groaned. I was dead, there was no way I was living through today. "And I happen to like your ass."

"You're a liar," she muttered. "And I hate you. I hate you for making me like this."

"You love me. And you love being like this," I said, trying to keep a smile in my face. And ignore the Jaws music that was playing in my head.

"No, I don't," she groaned. "My ankles are swollen, my back hurts, and she's kicking my bladder. I hate you. If you could just remember to carry a condom, we wouldn't have this problem."

"Are you saying you hate my daughter?" I asked her.

"You're accusing me of hating my daughter?" she asked, staring at me. "Seriously? I don't hate my daughter. I can't believe you."

"So you just hate me for creating said daughter?" I questioned.

"Right now, I hate you for breathing," she snapped.

"I think I'm going to stop talking," I nodded. This was bad. This was very bad. Meredith was, well she was adorable, but not in a cute cuddly kind of way. Meredith was annoyed and I was driving her to a baby shower I had promised wasn't going to happen. Bad. Dead didn't begin to describe it.

"I think that's the first good idea you've had all day," she nodded firmly. I wondered if we should swing by the hospital so I could say goodbye to my mom, thank her for raising me. And tell Mark where my will was. And maybe start calling cousins in New York. Because by the end of the day, I was done. She would kill me on the spot. I don't quite know what had possesed me to help Izzie plan this party. Actually to suggest this party. Because Meredith had been quite resolute in the fact she didn't want one. And yes, she had quite the tough shell, but she was soft. I just thought quite possibly she would like the party once we got to it. But in the mood she was in, not so likely.

And then there was of course Yang. She had cornered me in the hallway at work to ask what the hell the pink envelope in her mailbox was for. That she didn't do "girly shit". With Yang and Meredith together, and Meredith in this kind of mood, it was probably best that I called Izzie to cancel. But it was too late. My life was over.

"I love you," I suddenly said. If it was my last day alive I wanted to make sure that I said it often. I should probably call Dillon and tell him too.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes.

This was bad. Usually when I said I love you she melted and smiled and said it back. When she said whatever it never led to good things for me. And I still hadn't hit her with the surprise. Or nightmare.

"Are we going to Izzie's?" she asked as she looked around.

"Yes," I nodded.

"Why?" she asked, glaring at me. "Derek, why the hell are we going to Izzie's?"

"She asked me to stop by," I shrugged.

"Are you and Izzie having an affair?" she suddenly asked.

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked, completely confused. Meredith made random comments often. She was random. But that was pushing it.

"You two are always whispering to each other," she sighed. "And she calls all the time to talk to you. And you went out with her the other night for two hours. Are you and Izzie having an affair?"

"When would I have time to have an affair? You're a handful enough as it is. Besides Izzie would drive me nuts, far too perky," I shook my head.

"So I'm a handful?" Meredith asked, staring at me. "What's that supposed to mean?" Her hormones were taking control and I was officially scared for my life.

"It means nothing, Mer. It's just...I'm not having an affair. Not with Izzie or anyone else," I shook my head.

"It would make sense if you were," she stated. "I'm so fat and unattractive and I know I can't pleasure you anymore."

"You're pregnant, gorgeous and you pleasured me quite well last night," I pointed out.

"I won't be able to much longer," she said. "And then you'll have an affair. And you'll fall in love with some skinny beautiful girl."

"Meredith, I am not having an affair. I don't plan on ever having an affair. I love you and only you," I sighed.

"You won't when we can't have sex."

"I'm not with you for sex, Mer. If I was with you for sex I would have walked away the second I found out about Dill," I argued.

We turned down Izzie's street and suddenly, I let out a groan. There were balloons on Izzie's mailbox and cars were stretched down the street for at least two miles. Balloons. Pink balloons. And a sign on the door that said, "It's a Girl!" Meredith turned and stared at me. "Derek Michael Shepherd."

"Remember you're marrying me, I gave you a pretty ring and everything. And I love you and you love me. And we're happy," I said quickly.

"Derek," she hissed, staring at me. "What the hell is this?"

"It's umm..."I breathed. "It's just a gathering. A party."

"A gathering," Meredith nodded. "A party. And what are we celebrating at this party, Derek?"

"Megan," I whispered.

"Derek, I said no baby shower!" she yelled. "No baby shower! No pink! No cookies and baby rattles! No baby shower!"

"It's not a baby shower," I winced.

"It's not?" she asked. "Because it looks like it is. It looks like it's a baby shower."

"It's just a party," I nodded, hoping that she'd fall for it. And that Izzie didn't call it a baby shower.

"Are there cookies shaped as baby rattles?" she asked. "Are there presents and people standing around ready to tell me birth horror stories?"

"Maybe," I said staring at my feet.

"That's a baby shower, Derek," she groaned. "Take me home."

"Meredith, I can't take you home. Everyone is expecting us," I sighed. "Give it a try. It's not too girly, and fluffy and all that very non-Meredith stuff."

"Derek, this is Izzie. It's going to be girly. It's going to be pink and fluffy. Take me home."

"No, Mer. Our families did this for us. I can't take you home," I shook my head.

"Derek, I specifically said I did not want a baby shower," she glared at me. "I said it more than once. And you didn't listen to me. Take me home."

"I'm not taking you home," I shook my head. "We are going in there and you are going to enjoy it."

"The hell I am," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "And you're sleeping at the trailer tonight."

"Mer, please...just give it a chance. They're happy for us, they want to celebrate with us," I said gently.

"You are sleeping at the trailer for a week," she decided. "No, for a month. The rest of the pregnancy."

"Meredith, it's just a baby shower," I tried to tell her.

"I told you I didn't want one," she snapped. "I said I didn't want a baby shower. You're an ass."

"I was just trying to..." I sighed. "I wanted to do something for you. It's been a hard pregnancy, we've been through so much. And life, it's good right now Mer. I just thought it would be nice to celebrate."

"We can celebrate without a baby shower," she said. "And whose fault is it that my pregnancy has been hard?"

"Mine, I know," I said, grabbing her hand. "Just give this a shot. Please. We can give it an hour, if you're miserable I will take you home."

"You owe me," she said, opening the car door. "And I'm serious about you sleeping at the trailer."

"Thank you," I nodded. I decided to ignore the trailer comment. This would be okay, this would be fine. She'd go in and have a great time and remember how much she loved me. And even if she didn't...she'd get lonely with me sleeping in the trailer.

I squeezed her hand gently and opened the door, taken back by the sheer number of people. Who the hell had Izzie invited? "There she is!" Izzie screeched as she came over and hugged Mer. "Suprise!"

"You're dead, Izz," I heard her clearly say.

There was pink everywhere. I had told Izzie to tone it down, but there was pink everywhere. I wasn't even sure how Izzie had gotten her hands on this much pink. "You look so great," Izzie gushed. "Doesn't she look great, everyone?"

"She looks pregnant," Cristina sneered.

I flashed Cristina a shut the hell up look. This was bad. "No, she looks beautiful," Izzie smiled. "She's glowing."

Kathleen appeared out of the crowd and hugged Meredith close, smiling at me over Mer's shoulder. "Don't kill him, Mer. He's just always dreamed of having kids. Let him have this."

I heard Meredith whisper, "I know you love him, but he 's dead."

Kathleen pulled away and came to stand by me. "I tried," she shrugged.

"She's not in the best of moods," I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"It happens around 7 months. She'll be fine," Kathleen reassured me.

Cristina came forward to stare at Meredith. "Mer, the relationship has to end. Immediately."

"Don't worry, he's dead," Meredith replied, glaring at me.

"Good," Cristina nodded. "Call me if you need help dragging his corpse across the living room."

"I'm planning to throwing the body in the ocean," Meredith said, sounding completely serious. I had a feeling she might be.

"Oh come on," Izzie grinned. "This is fun!"

"This is pink," Meredith said squinching up her face. "I hate pink. Megan hates pink."

"Megan loves pink!" Izzie giggled. "And see the cookies, Mer? They're not baby rattles. They're little teddy bears!"

"I guess that's better," Meredith said, still sounding grumpy.

"This is disgusting," Cristina sneered. "Barbie, I need alcohol. Tell me pink punch is spiked."

"Who spikes drinks at baby showers?" Izzie asked looking confused. This could be a movie. Izzie, Meredith and Cristina at a baby shower could make a movie. And I could be the guy that dies in it.

"Do you have any liquor at all in this house?" Cristina demanded.

"Maybe," Izzie shrugged. "Alex might have some stored somewhere."

"Where is Dr. Evil Spawn?" Cristina asked. "And if he's not here, call him. Now. Meredith and I need to be drunk if we're going to survive this."

"Meredith can't be drunk," I cut in.

"You know what, McDreamy?" Cristina stared at me. "You're coming with me to find the liquor. Let's go."

"Fine," I said. "But Meredith can't be drunk."

"Whatever," Cristina rolled her eyes and stalked off towards the kitchen, where there were crustless sandwiches and pink frosted cupcakes strewn about. "We have to talk, McDreamy."

"About?" I didn't need this, not now.

"You fucking with Mer," she said, opening cabinets and digging around.

"Cristina, Mer and I are okay now. Okay, not right now. But generally speaking, we're okay now," I argued.

"Yeah, except you almost killed her because you're an ass," she shot back. "If you're going to fuck with her again, you should just leave. Because I get that she forgave you, but I don't know why."

"I'm not going to fuck with her again," I nodded. "I'm in this for the long haul. Even if that ends today when she kills me."

"I should kill you first," Cristina said, standing up and opening another cabinet. "And if you hurt her or the baby again, I will kill you. And I won't even bother to make it look like an accident. I'm sure any judge would think it was a service to society."

"I'm not going to hurt them. I love them," I explained.

"Yeah, except if you loved her you wouldn't have let Izzie do this shit," Cristina rolled her eyes. "I'm surrounded by pink and there is half a bottle of wine. This party is officially DOA."

"I told Izzie pink was a no no, no blaming that on me," I sighed. "And I was just...I wanted to do something for her and Megan."

"Stick around for once," she said. It was a low blow. But one I deserved.

"I am. I'm not running anymore. This is where I belong. This is it for me," I said.

"Okay, McDreamy, you don't need to make me vomit up the pink cupcake I had," she grimaced.

"I can keep going if you need more convincing," I smiled.

"I'm good," she nodded. "Though, if you really want to get on my good side, go buy some liquor."

"I'm not buying you liquor," I told her.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because it's a baby shower," I argued.

"Exactly," she nodded. "If I don't have liquor, I'll kill Barbie. And maybe your sisters. Well, Kathleen at least. Nancy is normal."

"You really need it?" I asked.

"Do you like your sister, Shepherd?" she growled.

"Fine, I'm leaving to get you alcohol. While I'm gone you have to cheer her up," I ordered.

"I can't do that," she shook her head. "Happy Meredith makes me sick."

"I'm not asking you to make her happy. But I'm getting you booze, you have to convince her to let me come home tonight."

"Personally, I think you should sleep at the trailer too. This is the most fucked up idea ever. What kind of guy are you?"

"I love her Cristina," I sighed. "Really really love her. And well...I was hoping she'd like this. The gifts, the food. Meredith likes that stuff."

"Fine," Cristina rolled her eyes. "Go get me liquor. And I'll get Mer to screw your brains out tonight."

"Thank you," I nodded, grabbing my keys out of my pocket and going to say a quick good bye to Meredith.

"Where the hell are you going?" she said through clenched teeth.

"Your person wants alcohol," I told her, trying to smile and look optimistic.

"You are not leaving me," she said, gripping my arm.

"Meredith, Cristina is going to kill me if I don't go. And I don't feel like dying twice today."

"If you leave me, I will torture you and then kill you," she promised. "You are not leaving me. Not with these women."

"Do you want to come with me? Escape for a few minutes?" I asked.

"Yeah, Derek, what a great idea. A pregnant woman in a liquor store."

"I'm not asking you to make her happy. But I'm getting you booze, you have to convince her to let me come home tonight."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked.

"Stay here," she begged. "Please."

"Do I get to sleep at home tonight?" I asked, trying to weight my options in my mind.

"Yes," she nodded. "On the couch."

"Mer, I'm risking my life if I don't go out and get alcohol," I pointed out.

"You're risking your life if you do."

"This shower was most definitely the worst idea I have ever had," I sighed.

"Yes it was," she nodded. "It definitely was."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I haven't decided if you're forgiven yet," Mer sighed. "But if you leave, you won't be."

"I'm staying right here. I'll risk life and limb to be forgiven," I nodded.

"McDreamy?" Cristina came in with the half bottle of wine in her hands. "What the hell?"

"Meredith refuses to let me leave," I shrugged.

"Mer, I'm surrounded by pink," Cristina turned to her best friend. "I can't do this sober."

"I have to, you have to," Meredith smiled.

"Okay everyone!" Izzie clapped her hands excitedly. "I think it's time for a game!"

"I told her no cheesy games," I whispered in Meredith's ear, leaning close to her.

"Okay," Izzie grinned, holding small scraps of paper and pencils. "Now, we won't know who wins this game until after Megan comes. But I want everyone to write down a due date and how much you think Megan will weigh. And the person who wins gets a prize!"

"That's a lame game, Izzie," Cristina groaned.

"Shut up, Cristina," Izzie rolled her eyes. "Now Mer's actual due date is September 21st, but all of us mommies know that babies have minds of their own!"

"Do I get to play?" Meredith asked.

"Sure," Izzie nodded. "Derek does too."

"I never said I wanted to play games," I moaned.

"Oh, come on, DerBear!" Erin grinned as she wrote on her piece of paper. "It will be fun!"

"Yeah, Derek," Meredith smiled at me. "It will be a grand old time."

"I can't believe this," Cristina grumbled.

"You guys suck," Izzie pouted. "This is supposed to be fun."

"Fun involves liquor," Cristina told her.

"No it doesn't, this is fun," Izzie argued.

"You guys are spoil sports," Kathleen stuck up for Izzie. "And Der, this was your idea."

"I told Izzie no cheesy games. Mer doesn't like cheesy games," I pouted.

"Mer didn't want a baby shower period," Meredith mumbled next to me.

"But she's giving it a shot," I nodded.

"Too bad she's making someone sleep on the couch tonight," Meredith murmured, her hand on her stomach.

"You'll be lonely without me," I whispered back, kissing her cheek.

"So has everyone written their predictions down yet?" Izzie asked.

We all nodded our heads yes and handed them to Izzie. "You two better not be cheating," Cristina complained.

"How could we cheat?" I asked her.

"Planned C-section. Shepherd's sneaky like that," Cristina said, unexplicably giving me a dirty look.

"Have you guys even talked about a birth plan yet?" Nancy asked.

I shook my head no. "We should get on that, Mer."

"You definitely should," Nancy nodded. "What about a pediatrician? Have you chosen a pediatrician? And birthing classes? Personally, I wouldn't go with a planned c-section. Unless that's how Dillon was born."

"We're so not ready for this, Der," Meredith groaned, resting her head on my shoulder.

"And there are classes at the hospital for big brothers and sisters," Nancy told us. "Dillon will learn how to change a diaper, hold the baby, help with bottles. It's a very useful class. I suggest it to most of my patients."

"That sounds like a good idea," I told Meredith, running my hands through her hair.

"Nance, you're freaking Mer out," Erin shook her head. "It's not that bad, Mer. The second is always better than the first."

"So I've been told. But Derek and I," she said looking at me. "We're not ready for this, we're not ready for this at all."

"You'll be fine," Kathleen nodded encouragingly. "Though, it's not always easier. Sullivan wasn't exactly a breeze. I was in labor for eighteen hours."

Meredith looked at me seriously. "If I'm in labour for 18 hours I'm never speaking to you again."

"How many hours were you in labor with Dill?" Leah asked.

"Seven. That was long enough," Meredith groaned.

"Oh, that's nothing," Nancy laughed. "Mom was in labor with Derek for almost twenty hours."

"So he's been stubborn his whole life," Meredith giggled.

"Definitely," Kathleen nodded. "But I'm sure you'll be just fine. How are you feeling lately? Any false labor? Bleeding?"

"I've had a couple of bouts of Braxton Hicks but nothing bad," she nodded.

"Okay, that's it," Cristina groaned, "I'm going to get liquor. McDreamy, you are dead."

"Sorry, Yang. I had to choose between pissing off you or Mer," I shrugged.

"Cristina!" Izzie gasped. "You can't go now! We're about to open presents!"

"Stay," Meredith groan. "This is definitely the best part of this shindig that dumb and dumber planned."

"You know you're enjoying it," I laughed.

She rolled her eyes but there was a slight smile on her lips. I was starting to feel slightly better about this. She wasn't happy, far from it, but I didn't get the vibe that she was going to kill me anymore. That was good. Although I wasn't expecting sex to happen anytime in the near future.

"Presents!" Izzie jumped up. "Who is going to record the presents so Mer can write thank you notes?"

"I'll do it," Leah offered.

"Wait, thank you notes?" Mer raised her eyebrows. "I'm seven months pregnant and I'm going to have to write thank you notes? Why can't I thank you guys right here?"

"It's tradition Mer, you have to do it," Izzie complained. "Derek can help."

"Like McDreamy is going to help," Cristina snorted as she drank from the half empty bottle of wine.

"I'll help," I reassured Meredith. It was the least I could do after this.

"Okay, Mer," Izzie stood and picked up a present. "Lucas's fiancee couldn't come but she wanted me to give you this."

"Oh, Kim sent something," Meredith said grabbing it, a huge smile on her face. My fiancee was nothing if not shallow.

She held up a small pink dress with white flowers on it, along with a matching hat. "Awwww," my sisters and Izzie chorused as Cristina looked like she was going to vomit.

"She'll look cute in it," I said taking it out of her hands.

"Pink," Cristina groaned. "So much fucking pink."

"They're having a girl, Cristina. What colour do you want them to get?" Izzie said.

"I don't know," Cristina shrugged. "Black is slimming or whatever."

"Cristina, it's for a baby," Meredith giggled.

"Oh god, you're becoming one of them," Cristina stared at her best friend. "Babies are toxic."

"I am not one of them. But Megan's my little girl and Derek's right. She'll look cute in this," she said, smiling at me.

"If you don't think that's good enough," Izzie stared at Cristina, "what did you get for Megan?"

"It's in the pile, give it to her," Cristina said.

Izzie stood up and grabbed the bricklike wrapped package. "God, Cristina, it weighs a ton," Izzie said as she handed it to Mer.

Meredith gave her a confused look as she began to rip off the paper. "Gray's Anatomy. You got our daughter a medical textbook?"

"Seriously?" Izzie turned and stared at their friend. "Seriously. You got an infant a medical textbook?"

"She's a Shepherd and a Grey. She's going to be a doctor obviously," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"How do you know?" Izzie asked. "What if she wants to be a ballerina? Or a teacher?"

"She's a Grey Shepherd. Grey. Shepherd. She's bred to be a doctor," Cristina explained.

"She has a point," Leah laughed. "All six of us ended up being doctors."

"And I was going to be a doctor before Dill," Meredith nodded.

"And Dill wants to be a doctor," I said. "A brain doctor. Like me."

"Oh, Der, that's so cute," Erin smiled.

"I know," I smiled proudly.

"Megan is definitely a doctor," Cristina said in her know it all voice that she usually reserved for patients.

"Okay, fine, Megan is going to be a doctor," Izzie rolled her eyes. "But you're supposed to give them something that will help them with the baby. Not a medical textbook."

"It will help her much more than anything else," Cristina shrugged.

"Okay, next present," Meredith suddenly said, handing me the textbook.

"Apparently someone is starting to enjoy this baby shower thing," I laughed.

"Couch, Derek," she said to me as she took another gift from Izzie. "Couch."

"We'll see about that," I said, kissing her quickly on the cheek.

We had opened several presents when Erin stood. "Um, Mom obviously can't be here," she said slowly, moving towards a back room. "But she gave me her present to give to the two of you."

"Oh, she didn't have to," Meredith protested, squeezing my hand.

Erin came from the back room, wheeling out a lacy white bassinett. "We went out and bought it, but she told us the things she wanted to put in it," she whispered, tears filling her eyes as she wheeled the bassinett out to us.

"Wow," I whispered looking at it.

"It's beautiful," Meredith said as I helped her out of her chair and we walked over to the bassinett.

The bassinett was perfect. It was exactly what we would have picked out. And sitting inside was a familiar blanket and a familiar monkey.

"What's this?" Meredith giggled as she held up the worn monkey.

"That's Bananas," I smiled, pulling it away from her.

"Bananas?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"I was three when I named him, you don't get to make fun," I pouted.

"I can't believe Mom kept him," Kathleen grinned. "Derek carried him around until he was around nine or ten. And then slept with him right after Dad died."

"He was your Sam," Meredith smiled.

"Yeah," I nodded, lightly, tears pricking at my eyes.

"And this was your blanket?" she asked holding up the other item.

"Aww!" Nancy gushed. "It's Banket!"

"I did not got it Blanket," I pointed out, grabbing it from Mer and holding it close. "They called it Blanket."

"So it was yours?" she asked. "Did you carry it around with Bananas?"

"I don't think I want to answer that," I shook my head.

"He did," Kathleen nodded. "Though, I think Dad took it away from him when he was seven or eight. And Mom kept it."

"This is why you like Sam so much," Meredith giggled.

"Is there anything else?" Leah asked.

"There's a letter," I said, pulling it out and handing it to Meredith.

She opened it and scanned it, her eyes feeling with tears. "You read it," she whispered.

I had already read it over her shoulder so I shook my head and whispered in her ear, "I can't. You...you read it."

She nodded and took a deep breath, tears spilling onto my mom's neat handwriting. "Dearest Meredith and Derek, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that in each other, you have found your soulmates. It has never ceased to amaze me how strong you are, Derek, and now, you, Meredith. Strength and love will keep your future marriage strong, and you will raise strong children. Congratulations on finding each other, and I pray I get to see little Megan grow up. Hopefully she will enjoy Bananas and Blanket as much as you did, son. I love you."

I pulled Meredith towards me and blinked back tears, my hands resting on her stomach. "I love you, Mer," I whispered in her ear.

"I love you too," she whispered, her own tears falling freely.

"Mom's going to see Megan grow up. I know it," Leah said, wiping a tear off her cheek.

"Of course she will," Erin nodded. "Mom's a fighter."

Meredith sniffled and wiped away her tears, resting a hand over mine. "Isn't this supposed to be a party? No tears."

I let out a shaky laugh as I rubbed Meredith's belly. "You're right," I nodded. "Sorry, Izz."

"It's okay," Izzie said wiping away a tear. "That was...that was really nice."

Even Cristina looked affected as she coughed a little. "So uh...babies," she said awkwardly.

"Any more cheesy party games, Izz?" I asked.

"Um," she sighed, tears still falling slightly from her eyes. "I honestly can't remember. I had this all planned out. But that was really nice and amazing."

Meredith walked over to her friend and hugged her tightly. "It's okay, Izz."

"I-I'm sorry," Izzie murmured into Mer's shoulder.

"Don't worry about it," Meredith sighed, hugging her tighter.

I looked over at Cristina, a question on my face, but Cristina didn't say a word. She had some tears in her eyes, and I wasn't sure why. "Really," Izzie took a deep breath, "I'm fine. I'm better than fine. So fine right now."

"You're not fine," Meredith said.

"I should be," she nodded. "It's...I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she sighed, rubbing her back.

"Don't tell Alex," Izzie murmured. "Please don't tell Alex."

"I won't. No one will," Meredith soothed.

Izzie nodded and took a deep breath. "It still hurts," she said. "Everywhere. And I can't...I can't..."

"I know, I know," Meredith whispered. I was completely confused. "Maybe we should all go home, give you some time to breathe."

"I'm sorry, Mer," Izzie smiled sadly. "This is your day."

"I didn't want it to be my day," Meredith sighed. "But I did enjoy it. Thank you."

A part of me wanted to grin stupidly at Mer's admittance but I figured this would be wrong time. "Hey, uh, can I get some help loading this stuff into the car?" I asked, staring at my sisters pointedly.

"Sure," they all kind of murmured moving to pick stuff up.

After we had finished loading the gifts into the car, Meredith and Cristina came walking out of the house, Meredith holding two platters of food, Cristina still looking a little down. "Thanks everyone," Meredith smiled as she hugged my sisters.

'It was nothing," Erin said hugging her. "Your our sister now."

"Still, it was girly but great," Meredith grinned.

"So my brother isn't going to die?" Kathleen asked.

Meredith giggled. "Not this time. Sorry to disappoint."

"We'll figure out another time to kill him off," Nancy laughed.

"We'll see you guys later," Leah said, hugging us. "Maybe we should take dinner to Mom Sunday."

"That would be good," I nodded.

My sisters drove away and Cristina said goodbye to us before heading off to her own car, Meredith getting in our overly stuffed car. "That wasn't bad," she admitted.

"Are you going to admit you were wrong?" I laughed.

"Define wrong," she giggled. "The pink was a bit much. And the cookies shaped like bears."

"But you loved it," I nodded.

"Fine," she nodded. "I loved it." She took my hand and squeezed it. "Thank you."

"Your welcome," I told her.

"And we got great presents," Meredith laughed.

"Just the part I thought you would like," I smiled.

"Our nursery will be much fuller now," she nodded. "But we still need to go shopping. Soon. And come up with a birthing plan. And find a pediatrician."

"We'll get that all done," I told her, squeezing her name.

"Good," she whispered. "Because we're not ready." She went silent, staring out the window.

"Mer, we're going to be okay" I said, resting my hand on her knee.

"I know," she nodded. "I know. We're going to be fine."

"We are. We're together and that's all we need," I told her.

"As long as we're together," she sighed, and I noticed she had tears in her eyes.

"Want to tell me about it," I whispered gently.

"Izzie," she sighed. "It never...sometimes I think she's okay. And I never know what to say to her when it happens."

"When what happens?' I asked.

"What you saw," she said. "When she thinks about him."

"Him?" Meredith was apparently telling me this story backwards.

"Denny," Meredith sighed. "Izzie's fiance."

"I'm assuming before Karev. What happened?" I questioned.

"In college," Meredith nodded. "He died. They were engaged. They were in love. His death...it broke her."

"Oh...wow..." I murmmered. "That...that had to be hard."

"It was," Meredith nodded. "And Izzie loves Alex. And she loves their kids. But, it's, well, it's...she's broken."

"That...how did he die?" I asked.

"There was an accident," Meredith murmured. "The day he had proposed actually. She went to class. He went to work. And then he was gone."

"Oh god," I breathed. "That...that would be...wow."

"And Alex was there for her," Meredith sighed. "He was there. But sometimes I think Izzie married him to get her mind off of Denny."

"I can't imagine how hard that would be," I shook my head.

"We have to always have each other," she stressed, turning to me. "Always."

"Always," I nodded. "If that happened...I couldn't live without you Mer. I just couldn't."

"Me neither," she gripped my hand tightly. "And I'm not that girl, Derek."

"What girl?" I asked.

"That girl who needs a guy," she stated. "I'm not that girl. So what's the matter with me?"

"I'm not just a guy. I'm Derek. You don't need a guy, you need me," I shrugged, smiling.

She laughed. "I guess," she nodded. "But you're still in trouble."

"You can spank me if you want," I winked.

"Dirty, Dr. Shepherd, very dirty," she giggled. "Though, I do believe I'm coming down with something, Dr."

"Oh really?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," she nodded. "It may be serious. I may need a very long and lengthy examination." She was massaging my inner thigh as she spoke.

"I think I can take care of that," I said, sounding a little breathless.

"Soon?" she asked, her voice dropping to a low seductive murmur as she began to unzip my jeans.

"We might want to wait until we get home," I gasped.

"Hmmm, I don't want to wait," she giggled as she took my erection into her hand. A small part of me suddenly wished the pregnancy hormones would be gone, so that Mer would stop jumping me at inpportune moments.

"This isn't safe," I tried to tell her.

"You really should concentrate on the road, Der," she murmured as she began to caress me.

"Trying, Mer, trying," I breathed.

Suddenly, the loud shrill of a cell phone sounded and Mer took her hand away, digging her hand into her purse and pulling out her cell phone. "Hello?" She had a rushed conversation and then turned to me, a frown on her face. "Dillon won't stop crying. Lucas says he's throwing things and just broke a glass."

"Does he want us to go pick him up?" I asked.

"He doesn't know what else to do," Mer sighed, resting her head against the head rest. "Why is he doing this, Der?"

"I don't know, Mer. I don't know," I said, taking her hand again. "We'll talk to him, we'll figure this out."

"And when will we finally be able to get some without having to throw him out?" she rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate. It's just...we haven't had the house to ourselves in forever."

"I know," I nodded. "Maybe we can go away. Before the baby comes. Take a weekend away."

"Really?" she grinned, her eyes suddenly bright.

"Yeah. My mom's becoming more stable. And you're doing better. We could get away," I smiled.

"It has to be soon," she told me. "Addison was saying something about cutting back on sex my last appointment."

"Cutting back on sex?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "Meaning, no sex."

"Can we do no sex?" I asked.

"I have no idea," she giggled. "Though when...well...when you were, um, when you were busy, we didn't have sex."

"I didn't want it, I was...I was somewhere else. But I'm here now, and I want sex," I pouted.

"Addison says sometimes sex and orgasms can cause labor," Meredith smiled. "And since I've had blood pressure problems in the past, she doesn't want to risk it."

"Addison is an evil woman. I'm betting Mark put her up to this," I complained.

"Derek," she sighed, and I suddenly heard fear in her voice.

"Mer?" I said squeezing her hand.

"I'm...we're not...I," she stammered. "Just...let's listen to Addie."

"Of course, Mer. I'm not putting Megan in any danger," I soothed, running a hand over her belly.

She nodded and captured my hand with her own, pinnin my hand to her stomach. "So we'll go away," she said softly. "Next weekend?"

"Next weekend sounds perfect. Some nice bed and breakfast," I smiled.

We pulled up to Lucas's house and Mer sighed. "You should go get him," she said. "He has a tendency to kick these days."

"Going," I said, getting out of the car and heading towards the door, wondering what had brought on this tantrum. Dillon had been better recently, things have been good. He was happy and wonderful and now this kid. But apparently he was.

"Derek," Kimberly opened the door, a frown on her face. "He's upstairs. He's kicking and screaming and throwing. And we have no idea why."

"Nothing happened to bring it on?" I asked, moving towards the stairs.

"Lucas told him to stop sucking his thumb," Kimberly replied. "And he just started throwing a tantrum."

"He's sucking his thumb again?' I sighed.

"I guess," Kimberly nodded. "I thought Mer said that was all sorted out."

"We thought we had," I shook my head. I coukd hear the yells now coming from what I knew was Dillon's bed room. "Dill? Bud?"

I opened the door and found Dillon standing on his bed, a Lego plane flying out of his hands towards Lucas. "I hate you!" he yelled. "You're the worst daddy ever and I hate you!"

"Dillon Grey! What do you think you're doing?" I demanded to know.

Lucas looked relieved as I came in, but Dillon continued screaming. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Dillon! What is your problem?"

"Go away!" he screamed at me now, throwing a stuffed animal at my head.

"Dillon, you're coming home!" I said, crossing my arms and staring him down.

"No I'm not!" he crossed his own arms. "I'm running away forever!"

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yeah!" he nodded. "I'm running away and you won't find me!"

"And why are you running?" I wondered.

"Because no one loves me!"

"Dill, we all love you. Why don't you think we love you?" I crouched down to his level.

"Because you buy the baby lots of presents," he frowned. "And all you talk about is the baby. And my birthday is soon and no one asked me what I wanted."

"Oh bud, no one was going to forget about your birthday," I told him.

"Yeah you were!" he shouted. "So I'm running away!"

"Bud, no one was forgetting about your birthday. We love you and we know you have a birthday coming up," I explained. "Your mom and I were just talking today about whether or not you wanted a party."

He stopped for a second but then frowned again. "And the baby gets lots of presents and I don't get anything.'

"The baby doesn't have anything, so she needs a lot of presents," I tired to tell him. "You'll get stuff on your birthday and when we make you that play room."

"It's not fair," he said. "And my daddy is mean. He's the worst Daddy ever."

"Why is he the worst daddy ever?" I asked, looking up Lucas.

"Because I have to go to work," Lucas sighed. "Dillon, I'm a doctor. I help people. That's what I have to do."

"Your daddy would stay with you if he could," I said.

"He likes other people more than me," Dillon frowned. "Stupid doctor!"

Lucas crouched down beside me. "Dillon, there's no one I like more than you. Being a doctor is my job, I have to do it. You're my son. I love you."

"Daddy Derek's a doctor and he's home," Dillon pointed out.

"Bud I'm taking off some time for Grandma and Megan. After Megan's born I'll be back to working," I told him.

"And then you won't be home either!" he screamed. "I want my mom!"

"She's in the car, bud," I told him.

"I want my mom," he repeated, grabbing his backpack and Sam before starting to head downstairs.

"I'm sorry, Lucas," I sighed.

"It's fine," Lucas shook his head. "I'm sorry I called. I know Meredith probably wants some quiet time."

"She'll be fine. Actually, we were just talking. Next weekend Mer and I were thinking of heading away for a weekend. Do you mind?" I asked.

"Not at all," he shook his head. "As long as this doesn't happen again. I can't calm him down."

"We'll talk to him this week. Figure something out," I smiled sadly.

"Great," he nodded. "I have to run."

"Okay, thanks for giving us a call," I said, heading back downstairs.

I went out to the car and found Dillon in the back seat, crying. Meredith was turned around in her seat, rubbing his back. "It's okay, Dill," she whispers. "Tell me what's wrong."

"He's upset Lucas had to to go work," I explained.

"Oh, Dill," she sighed. "Daddy has to go to work so he can save lifes."

"But I don't want him to save lives!' Dillon cried.

Meredith sighed and nodded. "I know, Dill. Mommy knows."

"Dill, your daddy loves you," I reminded him.

"I want to go home," he mumbled. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that he was starting to drift off.

"Okay, bud. We'll go home," I sighed.

Meredith turned back and took my hand. "So much for a good relaxing day."

"We'll be fine," I assured her.

"Yeah," she nodded, squeezing my hand, rubbing her stomach with the other. "We'll be fine."

_As one we are everything, we are everything we need._


	49. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: This is not our brain on drugs. We know we don't own Grey's.**

I carried Dillon into the house, his arms wrapped tight around my neck as I took him upstairs, lying him carefully on the bed. His temper tantrum had exhausted him, and as I laid him down, he whimpered a little and held Sam closer to him. I smiled as I went downstairs to help Meredith unload the presents from the car. She was carrying in a couple of boxes. "You shouldn't be carrying those," I smiled at her.

"They're not heavy," she shrugged.

"Mer," I sighed, taking the boxes from her, "you're seven months pregnant. You don't need to be lifting boxes."

"I'm fine, Der. Stop worrying so much. They're light, I can lift light boxes," she pouted.

"Go sit down," I told her. "Eat a few cookies. I'll be in in a minute." I kissed her quickly and went out to the car to finish unloading the gifts.

"Are you always going to take care of me this much?" Meredith asked, munching on a cookie as I walked back in. She wasn't sitting down but at least she was eating something.

"Always," I nodded. "I have to take care of my two favorite girls."

'You have a son too," Meredith sighed. "A very unhappy son."

"I know," I frowned. I was worried about Dillon. This wasn't the six year old who had first come to the front door and asked me to paint with him. He wasn't the little boy who woke up every morning with a smile and a hug for Meredith and me. He had become a completely different child, and I was worried about him. But we were trying to include him and he just continued to lash out.

"Should we take him to see someone?" Meredith asked, in a quiet voice.

"I don't know," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I could ask Kathleen."

"Maybe that's a good idea," Meredith sighed. "It's just...Dillon was a happy kid. Somehow I had managed to raise a happy kid...and now, I don't know what's going on, Der."

"He's going to be okay, Mer," I whispered, taking her into my arms. "He'll be fine."

"I don't want him to be dark and twisty. I don't want him to be me," she whispered into my chest.

"He won't be," I murmured into her hair, gently massaging her back. We stood there for a moment before we heard a terrified scream coming from Dillon's room. Meredith and I exchanged a quick panicked glance before running up the stairs together. I reached the top first and ran into his room. "Dill?"

He was clutching Sam tonight as he slept restlessly, thrashing in bed. "No," he cried. "No."

"Dill?" I asked again, sitting on his bed and grabbing him. "Dill, wake up, you're having a nightmare. Wake up."

"Daddy," he whimpered, clutching me tight. "Daddy."

"It's okay, I'm here," I whispered.

"What's the matter?" Meredith asked, her hand on her belly as she came forward to sit down next to me.

"I don't know," I sighed as Dillon held me tighter.

"Dill," she whispered, putting her hand softly on his head. "Dill, honey, it's okay. Mom's here."

He just whimpered more and tightly curled himself into a ball in my arms. "Dill, what was the dream about?" I asked.

He shook his head and curled further into my chest, his small body shaking as he cried. "Dill, it's okay," Meredith stared at me, worry in her eyes. "It's okay. You can tell us. We'll fix it. Was there a monster?"

He shook his head no ever so slightly but the sobs intensified. I held him closer, protectively, not knowing what else to do. He was obviously terrified. "Dill, say something. Anything."

"Trees," he whispered suddenly.

"Trees? What about trees?" I asked him.

"Scary," he sobbed. "No one was there."

"Bud, it's okay," I rubbed his back. "It was just a dream, we're here now. We'll always be here."

"Gone," he cried into my chest. "You left me. Why?"

"Bud it was a dream," I reassured him. "I will never leave you."

"No Mommy," he buried his face into my sweater.

"I'm not going anywhere, Dill," Meredith whispered, her hand on his back as she gave me a concerned look.

"The trees were scary," he sniffled as he looked up at me, his big blue eyes filled with tears.

"The trees were just a dream, bud," I reminded him.

"I wanna go home," he was obviously still half asleep.

"You are home," Meredith told him.

He clutched my neck tightly. "Daddy."

I didn't bother correcting him. I was his daddy, I was entirely his daddy. And I knew in this situation Lucas wouldn't mind. "I'm here, bud."

"Dill," Meredith whispered, "look at me. Look at me, please. Are you okay?"

Dillon looked her, his eyes full of tears. "It was...scary."

"I know, honey," she nodded, rubbing his back. "I know."

"Dill, bud, what happened in the dream?" I asked. I had gathered the tree bit, and something about Meredith leaving him. But the rest I had no idea of.

"Mommy was walking in the trees," he whispered. "And she told me to sit down and then when she ran away."

"Oh Dillon, it was just a dream," Meredith sighed. I could hear tears in her voice.

"I couldn't find you," he cried. "I couldn't find you."

"I'll always be here," Meredith nodded. "Me and you, we're a team, remember?"

"Not anymore," he shook his head. "Now you have Daddy Derek and my sister."

"Oh Dill," Meredith said as I shifted him so she could hold him tighter. "I love Derek and your sister. But you, I've always had you. You and I will always be a team. No one could change that."

"You don't love me anymore," he whispered.

"Dillon, of course I love you, I will always love you. You are my son. My first son. Your mom's big boy," she whispered.

"Charlie says when my sister's born you won't pay 'tenttion to me anymore," he pulled away from me and crawled to his pillow, shifting underneath the blankets as he held Sam close.

"Charlie is an idiot," Meredith groaned.

"When Charlie's brother was born," Dillon squeezed Sam, "Charlie says his mommy was always tired and she got mad at Charlie a lot. And he says his daddy stopped tucking him in cause he was a big boy."

"We will never do that," Meredith promised. "I won't get mad at you unless you deserve it. And Daddy Derek will always make you into a Dillonrito."

"I'm thirsty," he sighed as he tugged his blanket closer around him.

"I'll go get you some water," I sighed, getting up and leaving the mother and son alone.

I went downstairs and stared at the phone for a minute, trying to keep back the tears that were threatening to fall. Mer and I had to do something to help Dill, because this wasn't healthy for any of us. I picked up the phone and quickly dialed my sister's number. "Hello?" Kathleen answered on the third ring.

"Hey Kath, it's me," I sighed.

"Hey, Der, what's up?"

"Dillon. There's something wrong with him," I told her.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "And shouldn't you be calling his pediatrician?"

"No, I should be calling you. He keeps having temper tantrums. And nightmares about Mer leaving him," I explained. "He thinks that once Megan gets here we won't love him anymore."

"Der, I'm not a child therapist," she said. "But really, it's an easy problem to solve. He needs reassurance. All the time. You need to involve him."

"We're trying," I sighed. "I just don't know if it's helping."

"Der, with everything that's been happening, with Mom and Meredith being pregnant and his dad being engaged, he's a little overwhelmed," she said.

"I know, I get it. It's just...he's my son. I'm worried," I said.

"I know, Der," she soothed. "Have you asked him to help you with the nursery? Does he feel the baby? What about doctor's appointments?"

"We've done it all. He painted the nursery, he always has his hand on Mer's belly and he loves going to see Aunt Addison," I sighed.

She thought for a moment. "Okay, Der, first of all, you need to explain to him all the responsibilities he's going to have as a big brother. And take him to those classes Nancy mentioned. The sibling classes. Promise him when Megan is born he'll be able to help and hold her. And explain everything to him. Everything that's going to happen, so he feels like you're including him."

"Okay," I nodded. "Okay."

"And have Meredith sit down with him and show him pictures from when he was a baby. Has he asked about what he was like when he was a baby?"

"A little. He's been asking more about when Mer was pregnant with him."

"That's his way of trying to identify with Megan. This is confusing to him, Der. He doesn't really understand how his sister is coming. He's trying to understand. And he's making sure Meredith remembers him. Meredith needs to show him pictures and talk about what he did when he was a baby."

"Okay, we can do that," I nodded.

"And there's more you can do once Megan's born, but you can worry about that then," she stated.

"Thanks Kathleen," I said appreciatively. "Mer's so worried."

"I know," she sighed. "And this happens. You were so jealous Dad thought you would try to kill Leah and Erin."

I laughed. "Anyway, I'm supposed to bring Dill water so I should get back up there. Thanks again."

"No problem, Der. Give me a call later. I wanted to talk to you about Mom coming home in a couple weeks."

"I will," I smiled at the thought of how much better Mom has been doing.

"Bye, Der. Give Mer and Dillon a kiss for me. Love you."

"Love you too," I said, hanging up the phone and heading up the stairs.

Dillon was curled up now in Meredith's arms, asleep again as Meredith stroked his hair. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," I whispered from my spot at the door. "I called Kathleen.

"Oh," she nodded. "Help me up?"

I walked over and shifted Dillon from her arms and then grabbed her hand, bringing her to stand beside me and leading her to the hall. "She says this is normal."

"What do we do?" she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"She suggested you show him pictures of him as a baby, tell him what he was like. And that we tell him about being a big brother, all his new responsibilities. Get him to the classes Nance mention," I said, wiping some tears off her face.

She nodded. "We can do that," she sighed, leaning against the wall. "God, Der."

"It's okay, Mer," I whispered. "We're in this together."

"He's my son," she whimpered. "My little boy."

"I know, I know," I soothed, pulling her into my arms. "He's going to be fine."

"We have to help him," she cried. "We have to do something. I don't want him...he can't...I don't want to be my mother."

"Meredith, you will not be your mother," I said pointedly. "We will help him. He's going to be just fine."

She nodded and then took a deep breath as her hand went to her stomach. "Oh," she breathed. "Ouch."

"Everything okay?" I asked my own hand flying to her stomach.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah...she just...sharp kick. Really hard."

I laughed gently. "We also need to start planning for this one's birth."

"Yeah," she nodded. "We do. Soon."

I nodded. "Tomorrow we should go shopping, the three of us. Get all the stuff we need, including stuff for Dill's new play room. And when we get back here, maybe you can do the baby picture thing."

She nodded again as she rested her head against my shoulder. "Definitely," she whispered. "Baby shopping."

"We're going to get through this," I assured her, my fingers playing with her hair.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Yeah."

"Tired?" I asked, a little worried about her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Dillon...Dillon needs to be with us."

"You want to sleep with him tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah," she repeated. "I'm sorry. I know you want time with me. But...he thinks I'm going to leave him. He's scary and damaged, he's dark and twisty. And it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault. And of course he can sleep with us," I kissed her quickly. "You go get ready for bed and I'll go get him."

"Okay," she nodded and then walked off towards our room, her hand against the small of her back, rubbing it gently.

I sighed and walked towards Dillon's room. He was sleeping soundly right now but I wondered how long it would be till he woke up with another nightmare. Our family was supposed to be perfect right now, but apparently the memo had gotten lost.

I picked him up gently, holding him against my chest, smiling slightly as he wrapped his arms tightly around my neck. I carried him into the bedroom and laid him next to Meredith, who was dressed in a pair of my scrubs. "It's okay, Dill," she whispered as she brushed hair off his forehead. "Mom's here." He whimpered softly and cuddled closer to her. Him being in our bed was good tonight. He needed Meredith more than I did right now. I quickly changed and slid in on his other side.  
"Night," she whispered to me, her hand finding mine over Dillon's body.

"Love you," I whispered.

"Love you too," she murmured, squeezing my hand.

This was good. My family, all four of us,, in the same bed. It might not be the most convenient situation but it was good.

I drifted off to sleep, my hand nestled in Meredith's but woke up on hour later to the sounds of soft crying in the bathroom. I looked at Dillon. He was sleeping peacefully, Sam in one hand, the thumb of his other in his mouth. He looked much younger than almost seven, and I pulled the blankets up and over him, resting my hand on his head as he shifted in his sleep. I moved gently, hoping not to disturb him as I headed towards the bathroom. "Mer?"

She sat on the floor, her head buried in her hands as she cried.

"Meredith?" I asked, pulling her into my arms.

"I'm...I'm...fine," she cried.

"You're not fine," I whispered.

"It's no...no...nothing," she shook her head.

"It's not nothing, Mer. You can talk to me. We're in this together," I said, pulling her closer.

"My son won't let go of me," she cried. "And my daughter won't stop using me as a human soccer ball. And I'm exhausted. But I can't sleep. I can't sleep. And I'm a little dizzy but I'm fine. And you're so wonderful and why can't I be the happily ever after type?"

"Oh Mer," I mumbled. "It's going to be fine. It's going to be okay."

"Why can't this be easier?" she asked. "Why can't I sleep comfortably? Why can't I for once be happy?"

"Mer, right now, right now things aren't perfect. Dillon is...he's adjusting to a lot of changes, it's hard for him. But he's going to love Megan. And Megan will be perfect. And we are going to be great," I assured her.

She leaned her head on my shoulder, her breathing slowing down. "I'm exhausted."

"I know," I whispered. "Come on back to bed. We'll move Dill over and you can sleep between your two boys."

She smiled lightly and put her hand on her stomach. "I can't sleep. Your daughter won't stop moving and kicking."

"Princess Meggie," I said to her stomach. "Please let your mommy have some sleep."

Meredith laughed and played with my hair as I spoke to our daughter. "She responds to your voice," she whispered.

"She's my little princess," I answered.

We sat there for a few minutes and then she laughed, her hand on her stomach. "She's not kicking anymore."

"Good girl," I smiled, leaning over and kissing her stomach. "Now we're getting you back to bed."

"Okay," she nodded. "Help the fat pregnant lady off the floor?"

"Always," I smiled, reaching out my hands to her.

I pulled her up and she cuddled up against me. "You better let me sleep in tomorrow," she said as we moved back to bed.

"Of course. I'll get Dill up and we'll make you breakfast in bed," I told her.

She laughed. "No pancakes," she said. "I'm getting tired of pancakes."

"Bacon and eggs? French toast?" I asked.

"Waffles," she murmured as she crawled into bed.

"We can do waffles," I whispered, climbing in behind her as she pulled Dillon close. My hand rested on her stomach. "Princess Meggie please stay sleeping."

Meredith laughed gently and I soon felt her breathing slow as she slept. I let myself fall asleep as well, holding my little family close as I let the worry melt from my face.

I woke up the next morning to a tiny tap on my back. I turned around to find Dillon standing there looking confused. "Yeah, bud?

"Why aren't I in my bed?" he asked.

"You had a nightmare so Mom and I thought you'd like to sleep with us," I explained.

"Oh," he nodded. "Mommy's stomach kicked my back."

"Megan likes to kick. She kept your mom up late so right now we have to let them sleep," I said, moving to sit up.

"Okay," he said. "I'm hungry."

"Want to come help me make breakfast?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, reaching up his arms to be picked up. "Is my dad mad at me?"

"Of course not," I told him.

"I broke his cup," he said softly.

"I know. But it's just a cup. He loves you, he won't mind that you broke his cup," I said.

"It was his favorite cup," he sighed.

"And you're his only Dill Pickle," I laughed.

He scrunched up his face. "That's a stupid name."

"But it's what he calls you," I nodded. "And you're one of a kind."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means that there's no one in the world quite like you," I explained.

"Cool," he smiled,

"Very cool," I nodded. "Your mom wants waffles."

"No pancakes?" he raises his eyebrows in a way that is strangely Meredith-esque. "But we always have pancakes on Sunday."

"Your mom is getting tired of them. She's crazy, I know," I sighed.

"She didn't used to be crazy," Dillon sighed.

"Sometimes having a baby makes women a little crazy," I explained. "They get tired."

"Stupid sister," Dillon said as he climbed onto a stool.

"You did the same thing, bud," I reminded him.

He shook his head. "Mommy told Aunt Izzie she's feeling badder this time."

"She's just...she has more going on with her life this time. With you and me and Grandma," I explained. "So it's making her more tired."

"Was Mom alone when I was born?" he asked as I gathered the ingredients.

"She was," I nodded.

"Where was my daddy?" he looked at me.

"Bud, that's something you should talk to your dad about," I answered.

"No," he shook his head. "You tell me."

"It's complicated bud," I sighed. "Your dad wanted to get married to your mom but she didn't want to. So they fought and stopped talking for a while."

"Didn't he want me?" Dillon's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, bud he wanted you. He was just mad at Mommy. But he wanted you. Actually the reason him and your mommy started talking again was because he wanted you, "I explained.

He nodded a little, though the tears were starting to fall. "Did my mommy love my daddy like she loves you?" he asked.

"She loved him," I nodded even though I knew it wasn't quite the truth. "She still loves him. Just differently than she loves me."

"Why didn't she marry him?"

"She was young, bud. She didn't want to get married. And she didn't love him in that way," I tried to tell him.

"But you said she loved him," he frowned.

"She did. But..."I sighed. "You can love a lot of people. But there's only one you love enough to marry. The person you marry should be your true love, your soul mate."

"What's a soul mate?" he asked.

"It's the person that you are meant to marry, to spend the rest of your life with," I smiled. "Your mom's my soul mate."

"Do I have a soul mate?" his eyes were wide.

"Somewhere, yes. But you're still too young to know her," I explained.

"What are you guys doing down here?" Meredith smiled as she came into the kitchen, still in my scrubs, her hair pulled back from her face.

"Making waffles," Dillon nodded. "And Daddy Derek was telling me about soul mates."

"Soul mates, huh?" Meredith raised her eyebrows at me as she went to the fridge. "What about soul mates?"

"He said you're his soul mate," Dillon smiled. "And you didn't marry Daddy because he wasn't."

"You guys were talking about Daddy?" Meredith turned and stared at me.

"He had some questions," I shrugged, you'd think she would be more thrilled about being called my soul mate. "About when he was born."

"Oh," she nodded. "What do you want to know, Dill?"

He shrugged. "I just wanted to know where Daddy was. And stuff."

"Anything else?" she asked him, sitting down next to him on the stool.

Dillon looked nervously between us. "You can ask whatever you want, bud," I encouraged.

"I...I...I don't know," he shrugged. "Was it a nice day when I was born? Was it hot?"

Meredith laughed. "It was a beautiful day, Dill. The best day."

"Was it sunny?" he cupped his chin in his hands. "And were you really excited?"

"It was sunny," Meredith nodded. "And it was the most exciting day ever."

"How'd you pick my name?" he asked. "Cause I wasn't here to help you and Daddy Derek wasn't either. And my daddy wasn't either."

"I didn't name you until after I had you. I spent the whole time I was with you trying to think of one and never thought of you. But the second I saw you, I knew your name was Dillon," Meredith smiled.

"Did I cry a lot?" he grinned. This was probably one of the best ideas we'd ever had. I needed to remember to call Kathleen and thank her.

"No Dill, you were always a happy baby," Meredith laughed.

"I was a happy baby," he laughed along with her.

"You were a perfect baby. I can show you pictures if you want," Meredith offered.

"Yeah!" he practically shouted. "Daddy Derek, do you wanna see pictures of me when I was a baby?"

"Of course I do," I smiled as Meredith got up to go get the pictures.

"What will my sister look like?" he asked as I started serving up the waffles.

"I don't know Dill. Probably a little like me and a little like Mommy," I answered.

Meredith came back into the kitchen and sat down at the table, a photo album in her hands. "Come on, Dill," she grinned. "Do you want to sit on my lap?"

"Can I fit on your lap?" he asked looking at her belly.

She laughed. "Maybe not," she nodded. "You can sit on Daddy Derek's lap."

"Okay," Dillon smiled as I sat down on the couch and he squirmed his way onto my lap.

"These were all the pictures I took of you before you turned one," she explained to him as she opened the book. "See that one right there, that's your first ultrasound picture. Like the one you have of Megan."

"I was cuter than her," Dillon giggled.

She laughed. "You were cute. And see, that's my tummy. Aunt Izzie made me take that picture. That was three days before you were born."

"Is Megan going to make your belly get that big?" Dillon asked with wide eyes.

"Maybe even bigger," Meredith whispered to him and then smiled at me.

"Is that me?" Dillon asked, pointing to a cute little baby with a bright red face.

"That is," Meredith nodded. "That was the day you were coming home."

"Daddy Derek wasn't I cute?" he asked me.

"You were," I nodded, squeezing him tight. I couldn't help but wonder if Megan would look anything like Dillon with his chubby cheeks and tiny fingers.

"That's you with Uncle George," Meredith pointed to another picture.

"Uncle George had funny hair," Dillon giggled and then pointed at a picture. "It's Sam! Look, Sam, that's you when you were a baby. Only you didn't grow up."

"Sam was a cute baby," I nodded.

"And that's you with Aunt Cristina," Meredith pointed at a picture, laughing. "She didn't know how to hold you."

"Yang willingly touches babies?" I asked laughing myself.

"Only Dill," Meredith laughed. "And never again after that. She almost dropped you, Dill."

"Aunt Cristina is silly," Dillon giggled.

"And that's you with your daddy," Meredith sighed.

"When did you and daddy start talking again?" Dillon asked.

"When you were very, very little," Meredith smiled. "Your daddy wanted to meet you so bad."

"That's good," Dillon nodded.

As we flipped through the photo album, I could tell that Dillon was starting to relax a little, a huge smile on his face with each picture. "That's you on your first birthday," Meredith finally finished with a picture of her holding Dillon above a birthday cake.

"I got big quickly," Dillon nodded.

"Yeah, you did," Meredith nodded. "And now you're my big boy. And you're going to be a big brother."

"I am," Dillon said, frowning slightly.

"Derek," Mer turned to me, "why don't you tell Dill about being a big brother?"

"What do you want to know, Dill?" I asked, hugging him close. "I have two little sisters so I'm an expert."

He shrugged. "I don't know. What do big brothers do?"

"They pick on their little sisters. They bug them like crazy," Derek laughed. "And they protect them, they are always there for them."

"I get to make fun of my sister?" Dillon grinned.

"You do, but only in a nice loving way," I nodded catching Meredith's glare.

"Did you make fun of your sisters?" he asked.

"All the time. And they made fun of me too," I laughed.

"What else do big brothers do?" he looped his arms around my neck.

"They help out. When Megan's a baby she's not going to be able to do much by herself. Big brothers help with that. They always help take care of their little sisters, even when they're old like me," I ruffled his hair.

He nodded seriously. "What will I have to do?" he asked, suddenly putting a hand on Meredith's belly.

"It depends on what we need. Help us keep the house clean, help feeding her. Mainly we'll need you to help keep her company, to talk to her and play with her," I nodded.

"Will Megan like me?" he asked softly.

"Megan is going to adore you," I said hugging him tight.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'm sorry I was bad yesterday."

"It's okay, Dill," Meredith comforted him.

"Should I call Daddy and say sorry?" he climbed off my lap.

"That's a good idea," Meredith nodded.

"Okay," he nodded and ran off to my get the phone.

"Your sister, I love your sister," Meredith gushed.

I laughed. "I'll never say this to her face," I grinned as I hugged her close, "but she is a genius."

"We're going to be okay," Meredith smiled.

"We're going to be great," I nodded.

"So shopping for the rest of the day?" Meredith asked, nuzzling my neck.

"If you're up to it," I nodded, running my fingers through her ponytail.

"It will be good, shopping sounds good," Meredith nodded.

I smiled as I kissed her forehead. "It does sound good," I replied.

"I'm sorry about last night...the washroom, I'm sorry," Meredith sighed.

"Mer, you have nothing to be sorry for," I whispered.

"I freaked out, I didn't, I'm happy, Derek I am. Overwhelmed but I'm happy," Meredith rambled.

"Mer," I laughed, "you're rambling."

"I ramble, it's what I do," she said.

"I know," I laughed gently. "And I love it. And you can freak out sometimes. I've spent most of the last seven months freaking out."

"You did," Meredith nodded, leaning against me. "But I am, I am happy."

"Good," I smiled, kissing the top of her head and putting my hand on her belly. "Me too."

"Although by the end of today I might rethink that," she giggled.

"And why is that?" I pouted.

"It's going to be long," she sighed.

"It's shopping for Princess Meggie," I grinned. "It will be amazing, Mer."

"You are such a sap," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You love me," I laughed.

"Not when you're being a sap," she said, hitting me gently.

"Mom?" Dillon came in as I started kissing Meredith's neck.

"Yes, Dill?" Meredith asked, pushing me back.

"Daddy says I'm going to his house next weekend," Dillon said. "Why?"

"Oh, Derek and I are going away," Meredith answered. "If that's okay."

Suddenly, his eyes widened in horror. "You're...you're going away?" he whispered.

"Just for the weekend, bud. Like when you go to Sullivan's for the night," I quickly explained.

"Without me?" he sighed. "Where are you going?"

"A bed and breakfast. They're kind of boring for kids," I told him.

"But we have a bed and eat breakfast here," he frowned.

"It's like a hotel, Dill. Adults go there to relax," Meredith answered.

"Will you come back?" he asked, his lower lip quivering.

"Of course we will," I nodded. "We'll be back Sunday."

"Okay," he said carefully. "What are we doing today?"

"We are going shopping," Meredith smiled.

"For what?" he asked.

"Stuff for Megan. And stuff for your playroom," I answered.

"New toys?" he grinned.

"Maybe a couple," I nodded. "But we need to pick out a paint colour, get some stuff to keep your toys in."

"Let's go then!" he shouted, turning to run up the stairs.

"Derek, you can't spoil him today," Meredith warned me.

"Mer, I'm not going to spoil him," I grinned. "I'm including him."

"Derek, I'm serious. We can't spoil him," Meredith glared at me.

"We won't," I nodded. "Now come on, get dressed. We have to go shopping."

"Going. Going," Meredith groaned as she got up and went upstairs.


	50. Chapter 50

An hour later, we were in the car on the way to the mall. Meredith smiled at Dillon as he talked excitedly in the backseat. "I think I want my playroom to be green," he said.

"Green would be nice," Meredith smiled.

"Maybe red," Dillon frowned. "I can't do blue cause my room's blue."

"Red would be nice too," I nodded.

"What color would you do, Daddy Derek?"

"I think either would be nice," I nodded.

"Green, I would go with green," I said confidently.

"Okay," Dillon nodded, "green. Let's do green."

"A bright green," Meredith cut in. "Something cheery."

"Can I have paints in my play room?" Dillon asked. "And for my birthday, can I have a tree house?"

"A tree house? We're going to have to talk about that," I said looking at Meredith. "And paints would be good in your play room. Maybe an easel."

"Charlie has a tree house," Dillon reported. "It's really cool!"

"We'll talk about it," Meredith nodded.

"That means no," Dillon sighed sadly.

"It doesn't mean no," I told him. "But a tree house is pretty big, your mom and I have to decide whether it's a good idea or not."

"It is a good idea," he insisted. "I can sleep in it and play in it. And I'll even share it with Megan."

"That would be nice, Dill. But still Derek and I, this is something we have to talk about," Meredith sighed.

"Why?" he asked. "I go up in Charlie's all the time."

"Dill, it's a big thing. We'll talk about it," I said firmly.

"But why?" he stressed. "Just say yes."

I look at Meredith to find her smiling. "What do you think?" I silently mouthed to her.

She shrugged. "Dangerous," she mouthed.

"Is that a no?" I mouthed back. "If it's a no, you're telling him."

"It's a maybe," she mouthed.

"I had one," I mouthed. "He'll love it." I added in a pleading look on Dillon's behalf.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she whispered.

"I don't know, Dill, it might be a bad idea. Isn't there anything else you want?" I asked, looking forward so he couldn't see my smile.

"No," he said firmly. "I want a tree house."

"Well then," I sighed, trying to pretend I was annoyed. "I guess we're getting a tree house."

"Yay!" he clapped his hands. "Thanks, Daddy Derek!"

"Thank your mom too," I told him.

"Thanks, Mom," he nodded.

"You have to be careful," Meredith warned. 

"I will," he nodded. "I don't want a blue arm again."

"Good," Meredith nodded.

"She needs some more stuff for her room. And clothes. Maybe some toys," I answered.

"Does she like trains?" Dillon asked as we pulled into the mall parking lot.

"We don't know what she likes yet," Meredith giggled.

"Then how do you know what kind of toys to get?" he started unbuckling himself.

"We just get her stuff like teddy bears and baby stuff. Everyone likes that stuff," I said, helping him out of the car.

"She needs a Sam," Dillon pointed out as he took my hand.

"She does need a Sam," I agreed.

"Mommy, can we get Megan a Sam?" Dillon asked Meredith as I helped her out of the car.

"Of course we can," Meredith smiled.

"Sullivan says there's a store called Build a Bear," Dillon reported. "You can build a teddy bear."

"Where to first?" Meredith smiled at me.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "What do we need?"

"Clothes," Meredith answered. "A changing table. We need a high chair. And a swing. Oh, we need so much. How are we ever going to get everything?"

"We'll tackle it Mer, we have two months," I reassured her. "How about we take care of the high chair and changing table first?"

"Okay," she nodded, squeezing my hand. "You ready, Dill? You can help us find the perfect high chair for Megan."

"Why does Megan need a high chair?" Dillon asked.

"Because when she's old enough to sit up, we'll want her eating with us at the table, right?" Meredith smiled.

"Yes," Dillon nodded, looking deep in thought.

"Well, she'll be too small to sit in a regular chair like you, so she'll have her own chair with her own small table. That's a high chair."

"Oh, okay, we can get her a high chair," Dillon nodded.

"Good," Meredith grinned at me.

"Today is going to be fine," I reassured her again.

"I know," she nodded. "I just wished I hadn't sold all of Dillon's stuff. I just never thought I'd have more kids."

"No one expects to meet someone as wonderful as me," I shook my head laughing.

"Cocky," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're so full of yourself."

"And you love it," I laughed.

"Okay, let's do this," she sighed.

I smiled and led her into the furniture store. I had never done this. I had no experience in this. And I assumed it wasn't going to be that hard, most high chairs looked the same. And then Meredith and Dillon had started talking about the benefits of each one I was starting to think today might be longer than I thought.

"I don't think the tray is stable enough," Meredith sighed as we looked at our tenth high chair. "It's so feeble."

"They all look the same to me," I groaned.

Meredith put her hands on her hips, staring at me. "You seriously are going to complain?" she asked.

"It's the tenth chair," I moaned.

"Derek, I am currently carrying your child," she stated. "My feet hurt, my back is killing me, and I'm exhausted. If you really want to complain, then you can spend the night at the trailer."

"You're right, Mer," I sighed. "That tray looks feeble. Our daughter deserves the best."

"That's what I thought," Meredith nodded firmly. "Now, what about this one?"

"That one looks sturdy," I stated.

"True," she nodded, her hand on her stomach. "Dill, what do you think?"

"I like the colour," he nodded.

"Okay," she nodded again. "I like this one. I think it's a yes. Derek?"

"Oh it's a yes," I sighed in relief.

"Actually," Meredith sighed. "It's too girly. It really is. What if our next baby is a boy? It has purple hearts on it."

"Not that one then," I nodded.

"Oh, I love this one," she walked over to a light green and white high chair with a green tray and seat back. "What do you think?"

"That one's good. Very unisex," I nodded again.

"Derek, are you going to say you like every one I point out?" she stared at me, a frown on her face.

"No, I really like that one," I nodded more emphatically.

"Okay," she nodded. "We'll take this one."

"Good," I smiled, kissing her quickly.

"We need a changing table," she pointed out. "And a car seat. We can't forget a car seat, Derek."

"We won't forget a car seat," I promised.

"We should probably get a safety gate," she thought out loud. "And a stroller. Thank God Kath got us a bath tub. And Erin got us the play chair. I feel like I'm forgetting things."

"We have another two months. If we forget anything today we can pick it up another time," I reminded her.

"Derek, you keep acting like we have a lot of time," she frowned as we started walking towards the changing tables, "two months isn't very long. Esepcially since you're training for Chief."

"Which takes a day of my week, that's it. We have some time," I sighed.

"I'm so sorry that I'm boring you with shopping for our daughter," she snapped as she took Dillon's hand and took him to the furniture.

"Meredith," I said walking after them. "I'm not bored. This is fun. This is great. I just...I don't want you stressed out."

"Well, you're stressing me out," she said. "Because you get bored with a high chair, Derek. I have to find the perfect one. A strong one. And now I'll probably look at twenty changing tables. And you'll complain."

"I won't complain. I'm here. I'm in this," I nodded.

"You better be," she nodded firmly.

"I am," I smiled, and looked at a change table in front of me. "What do we think of this one?"

"I don't like it," Dillon shook his head. "What color is the crib, Mommy?"

"It's dark wood," Meredith answered.

"Then, this one," Dillon took her hand and dragged her to a different change table. "See, it looks like her crib."

"It's just like her crib," Meredith nodded looking excited. "It would look good in her room."

"I think it's perfect. It will look nice in the room," I answered.

"Well, that didn't take long," Meredith smiled at me. "Good job, Dill."

"Megan I picked out your table," Dillon said proudly to Meredith's stomach.

Meredith smiled as she ran her fingers through his curly blond hair. "She's very happy that you did," she assured her son.

"We need a lot of stuff," Meredith told him. "We need a car seat, and a safety gate, and a swing. Luckily, your aunts got Megan a lot of stuff. And we need to get clothes."

"Clothes? I don't like shopping for clothes!" Dillon complained.

She laughed a little. "I know, Dill, but we have to get Megan clothes to wear. Especially when she comes home from the hospital."

"And we have to get her her Sam," Dillon suddenly said jumping up excitedly.

"Yeah we do," Meredith grinned. "What should we do first, Derek?"

"I don't know," I sighed.

Meredith's eyes darkened as she looked in my direction. "Feeling overwhelmed?" she asked, slightly snidely.

"No, no, I'm good," I said, trying to pull myself together. Meredith was no going to win.

"So what do you want to do first?" she asked again.

"How about we let Dill choose?" I suggested.

"I want to get her Sam!" Dillon exclaimed.

"Okay," Meredith sighed and we began walking, Dillon walking a little bit in front of us. "Would you mind actually getting involved here," Meredith hissed at me. "Dillon's more excited about this than you."

"I'm involved," I sighed. "Just feeling a little...overwhelmed," I admitted.

"Well, I had to do this with Izzie when I was pregnant with Dillon," she said. "So I have no pity for you. Imagine a very perky Izzie baby supplies shopping."

"How did you not kill her?" I laughed, grabbing her hand.

"I have no idea," she shook her head and then stopped, her hand going to her back.

"You okay? Need a break?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "A break would be good. My back is killing me. And my feet."

I guided her to a bench, telling Dillon to wait a second. She sat down, her body obviously relieved. "How about you sit here and Dillon and I will take care of Sam?"

"Okay," she sighed. "That's probably a good idea."

"Call my cell if you need me," I said, kissing her quickly and grabbing Dillon's hand and leading him towards the bear store.

"Wow," Dillon breathed when we got to Build a Bear. "Look at all the animals I can make!"

"Wow," I repeated. "I should make one for your mommy."

"Really?" Dillon smiled. "You're gonna make mommy a Sam?"

"I think so. Don't you think she could use one?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "In case she gets sad. Daddy Derek, what animal should I make? A dog? A kitty? A teddy bear? Look, they even have a monkey!"

"Make her whatever you want. Maybe a bear is a good idea so Megan's Sam can be Sam's sister," I suggested.

"Okay," he nodded and grabbed a white teddy bear with a pink nose. "What are you gonna make Mom?"

I thought of Bananas who still sat in the bassinett at the house. "I'm going to make her a monkey."

"Cool!" Dillon grinned. "Look, Daddy Derek, you can put sounds in your animal!"

"That's pretty cool, Dill," I laughed, grabbing the monkey from the bin.

"Hey guys," a smiling teenager came up to us. "My name is Melanie. Welcome to Build a Bear. Have you guys been here before?"

"Nope," Dillon shook his head.

"Well, then let me walk you through it," she smiled. "I see you guys have chosen your animals already. And now, you can either put a sound in your bear or record one. You can have your teddy bear say I love you or your monkey make monkey noises."

"Daddy Derek, what should the bear say?" he asked me.

"I don't know, bud," I smiled. "Do you want to record your voice telling your sister you love her?"

"Can I?" he asked his eyes ride.

"Yeah, you can," Melanie smiled. "How old is your sister?"

"She's in mommy's belly still," Dillon smiled.

"Oh," Melanie grinned. "You can have your teddy bear say Happy birthday if you wanted to."

Dillon thought for a second, chewing his lip just like Meredith. "No, I think I want it to say I love you."

"Okay," she nodded. "Then come here and talk into the microphone. What about you, Dad? Is your monkey going to say something?"

I thought for a second, considered the fact that I wasn't going to be around as much soon, busy working. I'd be home as much as possible, no question of that, but not as much as I should be. "I love you, I want it to say I love you."

"That's great," Melanie nodded. "Just talk into the microphone and we'll put it in the animals. So anytime they're squeezed, you'll be able to hear them."

"Mommy is going to like her monkey, Daddy Derek," Dillon smiled up at me.

"Oh, is it for your wife?" Melanie smiled softly.

"My fiancee," I smiled.

"That's really sweet," the teenager grinned. "Okay, guys, record your voices and then we'll take you to stuff your animals." Dillon stepped forward and talked into the microphone and I followed suit. Meredith was going to roll her eyes. Meredith was going to tell me I was lame and cheesy. She was going to love it. "Now," Melanie smiled and took us to a stuffing station, "each of you take a heart. Make a wish, turn around three times, and then give it a kiss."

"Do I have to?" I asked, making a face.

"Yes, Daddy Derek," Dillon nodded seriously, Melanie nodding along with him.

"Fine, but you're not telling Mommy about this. And you're definitely not telling Uncle Mark," I groaned imagining the ribbing I'd be given.

"I won't," Dillon promised as he closed his eyes, gripping the heart in his hands, turned around three times, and then gave the heart a kiss. "Your turn, Daddy Derek.

I rolled my eyes but did as I was told. "What next?"

"Okay, now we're going to stuff your animals," Melanie smiled. "Put your foot on the pedal and press down." Dillon smiled and followed her directions. He looked like he was about to burst with pride, and I silently hoped that Megan would like this bear as much as Dillon loved Sam. "How does it feel?" Melanie asked, handing the bear back to Dillon. "Give it a squeeze."

"It feels cuddly, like Sam," Dillon smiled.

I took my turn stepping on the pedal, enjoying being called just Dad. It sounded nice, and I knew I'd be getting used to it soon enough. "How does it feel?" she asked, handing the monkey back to me. "Cuddly?"

"Cuddly," I nodded.

"Good," she stood up and beckoned us forward. "Time to give your animals a bath. Step on the pedal right there and give them a good bath."

"Why does the bear need a bath?" Dillon asked.

"Don't you want him to be clean for your baby sister?" Melanie smiled.

"Yeah," Dillon nodded. "But Megan isn't here for another 2 months. Won't he get dirty again?"

"We'll be really careful with the bear, bud," I assured him.

"Okay," Dillon nodded.

"So, bath time," Melanie nodded. "Make sure they're clean."

"My monkey's clean," I said pulling it out.

"What about your bear?" Melanie smiled at Dillon

"I think she's good," Dillon nodded.

"Now you're going to get to dress your animals," Melanie brought us over to the largest section of the store where there were clothes for the animals.

I immediatley noticed a set of dark blue scrubs that looked exactly like mine that Mer loved so much. "Oh the monkey definitely needs these. How about you, bud? Find something?"

"I don't know," he frowned, looking a little overwhelmed at all of his options.

"Hmmm..." I said, looking over the options.

"A princess?" he asked me.

"A princess would be good for Princess Meggie," I nodded.

"No!" he suddenly ran over to something else. "Look, Daddy Derek, I can dress her like a baby!"

"That's perfect, Dill," I smiled.

"Make sure you dress them now," Melanie smiled. "Save all of the tags for Dad, okay, little guy? So he can pay."

"Okay," Dillon nodded. "Daddy Derek, your monkey is dressed like you."

"No, I've got it," Dillon said, biting his tongue.

It took him a few minutes but we finally got our animals dressed. "Now," Melanie smiled, "is the most important part. You're going to name your animals and make them a birth certificate."

"Did you think of a name?" I asked Dillon.

"Hmmmm," he said, chewing on his lip. "I don't know. What about you?"

"I have no idea," I sighed.

"Sammie," Dillon said after a second. "Like Sam."

"That's a good idea," I nodded.

"You haven't named your monkey, Daddy Derek," Dillon grinned.

"I haven't," I shook my head. "Hmmm...McDreamy."

"McDreamy?" Dillon giggled. "That's a funny name."

"It's what your mommy, Aunt Izzie and Aunt Cristina call me sometimes," I laughed.

"Okay guys," Melanie grinned, "make up your birth certificates. Dad, why don't you help little guy with his?"

"Sure," I said, guiding Dillon to the computers.

We went through the steps and then Melanie smiled. "Okay! Now your animals' birth certificates will print off at the front desk and you'll pay and then you'll be all ready to go!"

"Thanks for the help," I nodded to her.

"No problem, guys," she grinned. "Good luck with your baby sister!"

"Thank you," Dillon smiled.

We went up to the front and paid, getting our animals in little cardboard houses, and then walked out of the store, walking back towards Meredith, who was still resting on the bench. "That took a while," she smiled at us.

"It did," I nodded. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Derek Shepherd, why do you have a box? I thought we agreed a bear for Megan, not for Dillon too."

"Who said I got a bear for Dillon?" I asked smiling.

"Well, then who is it for?" she asked. "Did you get one for Meggie too?"

"Nope," I kissed her quickly. "I believe you're forgetting a member of the family."

"Who?" she frowned.

"That's a secret," I whispered.

"Der!" she whined. "Come on! Tell me!"

"No," I shook my head. "So what's next...clothes? Car seat?"

"Whatever you guys want," she sighed.

"Clothes," I nodded. "And Mer, stop stressing. It's a surprise for later."

"I hate surprises," she grumbled. "What'd you get, Dill?"

"I made Megan a bear! She's dressed like a baby and her name is Sammie!"

"That's adorable, Dill," Meredith smiled at him. "Megan will love it."

"I hope so," Dillon nodded.

"Okay, clothes," she nodded. "Der, help me up."

I grabbed her hands and helped pull her off the bench. "In two months, you won't be able to move, will you?"

"Probably not," she sighed. "I'll be a whale by then. Your daughter is making me fat."

"Fat and beautiful," I corrected.

"So I am fat?" she stared at me.

"Mer, you're pregnant, "I sighed.

"And you just said I'm fat," she glared.

"Meredith, you're not fat. You're pregnant. And beautiful. And perfect."

"Then why did you call me fat?" she demanded.

"You called you fat. I just went along with it," I pointed out.

"You're not supposed to go along with it," she shook her head. "You're pretty brainless for a brain surgeon."

"I know, I'm an idiot," I sighed.

"Yes you are," she nodded as we went into a clothing store.

Apparently agreeing with her about these things was the best course of actions. "These clothes are adorable," I smiled.

"Yeah, they are," she smiled. "We're going to need onesies. Lots of them. And some nicer clothes. But a lot of sleepers and onesies."

"She needs this, she needs this for sure," I said, holding up a white dress, trimed in pink lace. "Megan would look adorable in this."

Meredith looked up from where she was looking at the onesies. "Oh, that is adorable," she nodded.

"Mer, look at this!" I exclaimed, grabbing a pair of tiny jeans that head tiny heart patches down the sides of the legs.

"Hmm?" she looked up.

"Look at these pants! They're perfect for my princess!"

"Derek, I thought we agreed," she smiled, "sleepers and a few nice outfits."

"Every little girl needs a nice pair of jeans, Mer," I pouted.

"Okay, okay," she nodded.

"Good," I nodded, looking around at all the clothes. "Mer do you think we can buy the whole store?"

"Derek, you can't be serious?' she rolled her eyes.

And then I saw it, a little tiny tshirt that said just what I had been looking for. Daddy's little princess. "Meredith, there is no way you can say no to this."

She laughed. "Okay, you can get that," she nodded and then mumbled, "My daughter is going to be spoiled rotten."

"Our daughter is going to be spoiled rotten," I corrected.

She laughed. "Dill, do you see anything you like?"

"No clothes are boring," Dillon pouted. "Can we go look at toys after this?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded. "But why don't you look to make sure? You can choose the outfit she wears home, if you want."

"Okay," he nodded and began looking at some stuff.

"Okay," he nodded and began looking at some stuff.

"Okay," she sighed, "I have fifteen onesies here, seven sleepers. We need socks and bibs."

"Okay," I nodded, heading towards the back of the store. "Mer, look at those shoes! They are so tiny!"

"Yes, Derek," she nodded absentmindedly. "They are for newborns, you know."

"But they're so cute!" I exclaimed. "Do we need shoes?"

"If you want," she nodded as she looked at the socks.

"Megan needs shoes," I nodded. "I think she needs some more cute clothes."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Meredith," I rolled my eyes back.

"How much are you planning to spend on clothes that she'll grow out of in a couple of months?" she asked.

"A lot," I laughed. "I want my daughter to look cute."

"Derek, she'll spit up on these clothes," Meredith explained patiently. "She'll spit up on them and she'll grow out of them. Babies grow fast."

"But think about how cute she'll look in this dress!" I said holding up a red dress with cute white polka dots on it.

Meredith's eyes softened for a moment. "Until she spits up on it," she sighed.

"We can afford to splurge," I pointed out.

"You can," she said. "Me, not so much."

"There is no me, you...it's us, mer. We can afford to splurge on a couple of dresses," I nodded.

"Fine," she sighed. "But when she messes up her dresses with spit up, you will be the one cleaning it out."

"Will do," I nodded, holding onto the little red dress. "Look at this little sweat suit!"

"Will do," I nodded, holding onto the little red dress. "Look at this little sweat suit!"

"Derek!" she exclaimed. "It's for a three month old. Why would a three month old need a sweatsuit?"

"To look adorable. Dillon, don't you think Meggie would look cute in this?" I asked my son.

Dillon shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Have you found anything yet?" I asked as I pulled a shirt covered with stars off the shelf.

"No," he grumbled. "Clothes are boring."

"We'll go look at toys when we're done here," I promised. "But Megan's going to need something to wear home."

"Derek," Meredith said as she saw me holding up a sundress, "please keep in mind that Megan's going to be born in September. And that she'll be three months old in December."

"You're really no fun, Mer," I whined.

"I'm just being practical," she stated.

"Pratical is not fun," I pointed out.

"If you want your daughter to freeze to death, then fine, buy a sundress."

"Fine, no sundress," I pouted. 

"Okay," Mer smiled, "I've got onesies, sleepers, bibs, and socks. Der, are you nearly done?"

"Definitely not," I shook my head as I found a tiny jean jacket.

"How long do you think you're going to take?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.

"How long do I have before I end up sleeping on the couch?" I winked at her.

"Ten minutes," she said. "I have to go pee. So you better learn to speed shop."

I nodded quickly and started picking up a few shirts at random. "When Meggie looks at pictures of her as a baby and comments on how cute her clothes are, you make sure she knows who to thank."

"I will," Mer rolled her eyes as she started putting our purchases on the counter.

I walked up behind her and put my stuff on the counter and kissed her neck. "Thank you," I whispered.

"You're welcome," she whispered back as the saleswoman began ringing up our purchases.

"We're going to be stuck in the toy store forever," I told her.

"I know," she nodded and then her eyes went wide at the total. "Derek Michael Shepherd. Over a thousand dollars worth of clothes!"

"She's worth it," I said.

"Derek, that's eleven hundred dollars," she sighed. "Eleven hundred dollars worth of clothes that she'll grow out of sooner rather than later."

"We can afford it," I reassured her.

"What would your mother say?" she sighed. 

"She would say her granddaughter is worth it," I nodded.

"Give me your phone," she sighed.

'What?" I asked.

"I want to call Nancy," she said. "Or one of your sisters. They'll tell you how insane this is."

"You are not calling the family," I shook my head.

"I am," she nodded. "I am going to call the family. So they can make fun of you. And tell you you're insane for spending eleven hundred dollars on clothes that may last our daughter three months."

"You are not calling the family," I repeated again.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because this is about our family, and we're all here," I nodded.

"Meggie isn't apart of the family?" she asked.

"Meggie's here," I nodded, resting my hand on her stomach.

"Derek, give me your phone."

"What?"

"It's not that much money," I sighed. "And she's worth it. I want her to have the best. I couldn't do it for Dill, I want to do it for her."

"Are you going to spend eleven hundred dollars every time she grows out of something?" Meredith asked.

"No, just...this time I'm excited," I smiled.

"Fine," she sighed. "Fine. But I am telling your sisters the second I see them again."

"At least they'll know I love my daughter," I answered. "I love my son too. Ready to go to the toy store, bud?"

"Yeah!" Dillon said excitedly.

"Good!" I nodded.

We were walking to the toy store, the bags in my arms when suddenly I felt Meredith stop beside me. "Der, wait," she sighed, rubbing her back.

"Mer, you okay?" I asked stopping, my hand finding her back.

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's just...my back. It's killing me today."

"Do you want to go home?" I asked. "We can finish this another day."

"Dill will kill us if we go home without going to the toy store," she smiled.

"Okay, toy store and then home. The rest can wait," I nodded.

"Okay," she nodded, a grimace on her face.

"Mer, I can take him down if you want to sit down," I offered.

"I'm fine," she shook her head. "Really, it's gone now."

"Okay, but if you need anything, you tell me," I ordered.

"I will," she nodded as we walked into the toystore.

"Dill, your mom is tired so we can't spend too much time in here," I warned him.

"Okay," he nodded as he walked off towards the cars.

"Is there anything we want to get Megan here?" I asked Meredith.

"Um," she sighed, her hand on her back again, "you can look around, see if there's anything that catches your eyes."

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she sighed. "It's just...it won't go away."

I moved my hand to her back and rubbed it gently. "You're laying down when we get home."

"Definitely," she sighed and then let out a small gasp.

"Mer?" I asked.

"It's nothing," she shook her head. "Weird pain. I'm fine."

"Why do I think you're lying?" I looked at her, taking in the grimace on her face.

"Der, really, I'm probably just having Braxton Hicks again," she shook her head.

"Are you sure?" I asked, because Meredith winced slightly with Braxton Hicks. This looked worse.

"No," she whispered as she grasped my arm, squeezing tight.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" I asked, starting to actually panic.

"Contraction," she whispered. "That was definitely a contraction."

"But...Mer's it's only seven months, you can't...it's not time," I breathed.

"I know," she panted. Several of the other customers were beginning to stare at us.

"Okay, we're going to leave," I said calmly, gesturing with my head for Dillon to join us. "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"What's wrong?" Dillon asked. "I wanna buy a hot wheel."

"Mom needs to go to the hospital bud," I told him, as I led us out of the store. "I promise we'll come back later and get you one."

"Why are we going to the hospital?" he asked. "Is Megan coming?"

"She shouldn't be, but apparently she's trying to. We have to go see Aunt Addie," I explained.

"Okay," Dillon nodded, looking a little frightened.

"It'll be okay, Dill. I promise," I whispered. Hoping to god it would be.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, "we have to time them. We have to time them."

"Okay," I nodded. I needed to be a doctor right now, she needed me to be a doctor, not the concerned boyfriend. "Tell me when one comes."

"I think you'll know," she smiled a little. "I don't want to scream in public."

"Okay, come on, let's get you to Addie," I said squeezing her hand. "It's going to be okay."

Suddenly, she stopped beside me, grabbing onto my shirt as she buried her head in my chest. "Ow, ow, ow," she cried softly.

"It's okay, it's okay," I murmured rubbing her back, hoping I was right.

It was a minute before she finally let go of my shirt and we could walk again. "Mommy," Dillon whimpered.

"I'm okay, Dill," Meredith breathed.

Dillon looked like he was about to cry. "Don't go away, Mommy."

"I'm not, I'm fine," Meredith said as I picked Dillon up. "Everything will be fine."

We got to the car and I started driving quickly, letting Meredith squeeze my hand through another contraction as I called Addie on the speaker phone. "Addison Montgomery."

"It's me. Mer and I are on the way in, she's having contractions."

"Derek, how far apart are they? How long are they lasting?" she asked calmly.

"They're about 5 minutes apart," I breathed. "And they only last a minute or so."

"Okay," Addison replied. "Derek, listen to me. I need you to stay calm and keep Mer calm too. I'm going to meet you outside. What's your ETA?"

"Five minutes."

"Okay, I'll be outside." The phone clicked and I turned to Meredith, smiling slightly at her.

"It's going to be okay,"I said. I was aware of how many times I was saying but I had to. I had to try to convince myself.

"Der, this is bad," she breathed. "This is really bad."

"Mer you have to stay calm, it's going to be fine," I replied determindly.

"What if it's not?" Meredith murmured. "What if..."

"Mer, you can't think that," I whispered. "It's going to be okay. You, Megan, our family. It will be okay."

She nodded as we pulled up to the hospital. Addison was standing right at the door, a gurney already with her for Meredith. "Still five minutes apart?" she asked me as she helped Meredith onto the gurney.

I nodded my head and pulled Dillon close. "Addie...take care of them."

"I will," she nodded as Meredith had another contraction, grabbing my hand tight.

"Mer, you're going to be okay," I said, yet again.

"Derek, you have to let go," Addie told me calmly.

"Just...just...be okay, Mer. I need my girls to be okay," I whispered, blinking back tears.

"Derek," Addie ordered. "Let go. You can't come with us." 

Regretfully I let go of her hand and swooped Dillon into my arms. "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."

_"I don't know where to look, my words just break and melt, please just save me from this darkness..."_


	51. Chapter 51

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Alicia would have recovered from her recent break up by sleeping with McDreamy. Instead she cut her hair.**

I could not fall apart. Dillon needed me, I could not fall apart. So instead I paced, Dillon's huge eyes, wide with fear, following me up and down the hallway. I paced because I couldn't fall apart. Meredith was seven months. Megan could survive that, seven months wasn't too early. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. It just...was. We could do it. It would be fine. Meredith would be fine. And I couldn't fall apart.

Dillon sat on one of the chairs, his legs swinging back and forth as he stared at me. He looked lost. He hadn't brought Sam with him, for once. And this was probably the one time he needed Sam more than anything in the world. I ran my fingers through my hair as I looked at my son, at Meredith's son. He looked so much like her it was almost disturbing. Especially now. When he was lost.

"It's going to be okay, bud. Mom, Meggie, they're going to be okay," I reassured him, not sure if I was talking to him or myself but needing to say the words out loud. Because he looks so lost. And I felt so lost.

"Go surgeon Mommy," he said softly. "Go surgeon her and make her better."

"I wish I could, bud," I sighed. "She's with Aunt Addie. Aunt Addie is going to make her feel better."

"Uncle Alex fixes babies," he whispered. "He can surgeon Megan."

"He can," I nodded, trying to sit down beside him. "But Aunt Addie does the same thing, and she's been Mommy's doctor all along."

"I'm sorry," he looked up at me, his blue eyes filling with tears.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked him, pulling him onto my lap.

"Cause I 'plained about the clothes," he said slowly. "And I wanted to go to the toy store."

"Oh Dill," I sighed, hugging him close. "This isn't your fault. This isn't anyone's fault."

"Then why'd Mommy get sick?" he asked. "She was crying, Daddy Derek. And screaming."

"She's not sick. She's just...your sister is trying to make her entrance into the world a little earlier than she should," I tried to explain.

"Why?" Dillon asked, a smile playing on his lips. "Cause she wants to meet me and Sam and Sammie?'

"She wants to meet all of us," I nodded. "But she's not big enough yet."

"She's still really small," he nodded.

"She is," I agreed. "Aunt Addie has to stop her from coming. But it's going to be okay."

"What if Aunt Addie can't stop her?" he asked seriously.

"Then she will just be born small," I shrugged, hoping my voice didn't sound a fearful as I felt. "She will have to stay in the hospital till she gets bigger."

"Will she be really sick?" he asked.

"Not sick. Just...she'll need time to grow," I answered.

"Dillon? Derek?" Lucas was suddenly next to us, concern written on his features. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Mer's in pre-term labour," I sighed.

Concern intensified to horror as he stared at me. "She'll be fine," he attempted to assure me. "Do you need anything?"

"Could you take Dillon? He...he's freaked out. He doesn't need to be here for this...it's too much," I breathed.

"I don't wanna go," Dillon shook his head. "Why can't I stay here?"

"Dill, it might be a while. You will probably get bored," I tried to convince him.

"But if my mommy's sick then I have to be here," he said. "Like she's here when I'm sick. Right, Daddy?" He stared at Lucas, pleading with his blue eyes for support.

"And you will be here, Dill. But right now it's not a good time for you to be here. Derek has to worry about your mommy, he doesn't need you to worry about too," Lucas answered, offering Dillon his hand.

"What if," Dillon's eyes filled with tears, "what if she goes away? Or my sister goes away?"

"Neither of them are going away," I shook my head. "Aunt Addie is taking care of them."

"Come on, Dill pickle," Lucas smiled softly, "I'm almost done and then we'll go home and I'll make you cheeseburgers."

"I promise I will call you the second I see your mommy, okay?" I added.

"Okay," he said, miserably, hugging me. "Don't let her go away, okay?"

"I won't," I whispered blinking back tears. "Love you, bud."

"Love you too, Daddy Derek," he whispered and then, after Lucas squeezed my shoulder, my son was gone and I was alone.

I sunk onto the chair and allowed tears to roll down my face. That was my little princess in there, daddy's little girl. I had been dreaming of having a daughter forever, and finally it was close to coming true. If Addie could save her. And Meredith...Meredith was my life. I could not live without her, I couldn't live without my Mer. She had to be okay. They had to be okay. They were my family.

She would be fine. She had to be fine. Meredith was a fighter. And Meggie, Meggie was a fighter too. My little princess was a fighter just like her mommy. They would be fine. I palmed the tears away from my face, trying desperately to hide my anguish as nurses walked by, giving me sympathetic looks. I had never really even considered what it was like to be the one waiting. Waiting desperately for news. I had always been the one holding the scalpel. Now, I had no power.

I stood up and started pacing again. Pacing was better than falling apart. Pacing was doing something. I was walking, I was burning calories. That was good. That was better than sitting still and doing nothing. Suddenly the door to Meredith's room opened and Addison came out. "Addison," I breathed.

She walked towards me, absolutely no expression to her face. At least, not one that I could read. My heart sank as she came to me and I struggled to breathe. "Derek," she finally said.

"Tell me they're okay. They have to be okay. Tell...just...Addie..." I begged.

"Derek," she placed her hand softly on my arm, "they're fine. I've stopped the labor. They're both fine."

I pulled Addison into my arms, hugging her tightly as sobs of relief shook my body. "Thank you...thank...thank you."

She hugged me tightly for a minute and then pulled away, her hands going to my face. "Derek, you can't fall apart. She's scared. And she's already blaming herself enough as it is."

"I won't," I shook my head quickly. "They're okay, I can do this. I can be strong for her."

She nodded. "Deep breaths, Derek," she murmured. "Deep breaths. They're fine."

I took a deep breath and wiped away the tears from my eyes. "What...what do we do now?"

"I'm keeping her in over night for observation," she told me carefully. "And then on bed rest for three days. After that, she needs to take it easy. No more gallavanting around busy malls for hours on end. I know she's stubborn, but she has to take it easy. If her water had broken, I would have been taking you to see your daughter in the NICU right now."

I sighed at the thought of how badly this could have gone. "She'll take it easy. If I have to tie her to the bed, she's taking it easy."

A smile flickered across her face. "Nothing kinky, Derek," she said. "In fact, I'm officially putting an end to any sexual activities."

"You're..what?" I asked, my jaw dropping open/

"No more sex," she clarified. "None. At least not until I think it's safe again. Derek, there are plenty of women who go into preterm labor and then go on to carry their babies completely to term, sometimes past their due dates. Sex is not the way to ensure your daughter is part of that group."

"Fine, no sex," I groaned. "Can I go see her?"

"Of course," she nodded. "She's scared, Derek. She thinks this is her fault. And it isn't. This isn't her fault at all. But she blames herself and I'm considering sending a psych consult."

"Let me talk to her first," I nodded. "She...she needs me."

"She does," she smiled softly. "They're fine, Derek. They are. But things are going to be different from here on out. I want to see her every two weeks, make sure she doesn't become dilated anymore than she already is. We need to keep a sharp eye on her."

"I won't take my eyes off of her. She's my...they're my girls. I'll take care of them," I sighed.

"I know," she hugged me. "Go ahead. I'll be in later to check on her."

"Thanks," I breathed and headed towards the room. Reaching it I didn't walk in right away. I paused and leaned again the doorway, looking at her. She looked terrified, her face was stained with tears and she was curled up in a ball. But she was okay. "Hey," I murmured quietly.

"Hi," she whispered back, trying to choke back the tears that were building in her amazing green eyes. "Derek, I'm so sorry."

"You did nothing wrong," I soothed as I walked towards her bed

"I did," she nodded. "Derek, she could have...it was too early. Too early. I'm a terrible mother."

"Mer, how does going into pre-term labour make you a bad mom?" I questioned, running my hand over her hair.

"I was tired," she sighed. "I was tired and in pain and I kept going. And maybe if I would just slow down. But no, no, I had to walk around that damn mall and I have to rush around. And I'm a terrible mom. My daughter is going to hate me."

"Our daughter is going to love you," I told her kissing her quickly. "And you're stubborn, you're unwilling to listen and you think you know best. Which actually kind of makes you a great mom."

"She could have," her voice hitched as her hand flew to her stomach and she started to sob, her small body shaking.

I slipped onto the bed beside her and pulled her close, resting one hand on her stomach. "I know, Mer, I know," I whispered my own voice thick with emotion. "But she didn't."

"Is she okay?" she murmured. "Addison said she was but, I wanted to make sure. Because I need to know. Is Megan, is she okay?"

"Princess Meggie is fine," I smiled.

"Dillon?" she suddenly breathed. "Is he...where is he?"

"Lucas took him home," I filled her in.

"Is he okay?" she asked me, tears still spilling down her cheeks.

"He's a little freaked out but he will be fine," I whispered, moving my hand to wipe away her tears.

"I'm so sorry, Derek," she leaned into my touch. "I'm so sorry."

"Meredith listen to me. This isn't your fault. This is not your fault. The shopping didn't do this, not alone. It's been a hard pregnany which has been my fault, so you...you have nothing to be sorry for," I whispered.

"You don't need this to worry about," she sighed. "Not with everything else. Not with your mom and being named Chief. You don't need this too."

"You are my everyting. And Megan is my princess. This is mine to worry about," I nodded.

"I love you," she cuddled further into my arms.

"I love you too," I said. "I got something for you today."

"When?" she asked, her eyes already starting to close.

"When I was at the mall," I laughed softly, pulling myself off my bed to get my package. I hadn't planned on giving it to her until Megan was born but she needed something good right now. "Here."

She stared at the cardboard house from Build a Bear and reached for it carefully. "Derek..."

"Relax, it's just a gift," I laughed.

She opened it and pulled out McDreamy the Monkey. Her face lit up in a smile and she laughed. "Derek, it's a monkey."

"It's a shame you never finsihed med school. You would have made a great doctor, very observant," I joked.

"Ass," she hit me lightly. "It's a monkey in scrubs."

"It is," I nodded.

"Um...why?" she smiled as she held it close to her, squeezing it gently. She looked almost childish doing it and I smiled softly at her, pushing the hair off her face.

"Bananas needed a friend," I smiled. "And when I start my new job I won't be around as much as we'll want. I'm going to be there, I am. But...it won't be like this. I thought you might want a friend too."

"You got me a Sam," she laughed lightly. "What's his name?"

"McDreamy," I stated proudly.

She giggled and reached her hand out to me. "You're so damn cheesy," she said. "Now come to bed with me and McDreamy."

"You have to squeeze his hand first," I smiled as I kicked off my shoes.

"Okay," she said slowly and then squeezed McDreamy's hand, tears filling her eyes when my voice came from the monkey, telling her I loved her and alwasy would. "Derek..."

"Shhh...shh..." I whispered, slipping into her bed. "I know."

We faced each other, her belly in the way of us getting too close, but still as close as we could possibly be. "You're not going to fit," she suddenly laughed.

"Oh I'm going to fit. Because there is no way I'm going home and sleeping without you," I laughed. "Turn around. Slowly."

"Derek, in case you've forgotten, I'm seven months pregnant," she sighed, "and these hospital beds are small. You're going to end up on the floor."

"I am not ending up on the floor. And I'm not leaving this room, so it's this bed with you or that uncomfortable chair," I told her.

"Fine," she sighed as she sat up. "But don't blame me when you're on the floor in the morning." She turned slowly, her back to me, her hand on her stomach.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I whispered, a smile on my face as I moved my body around her, my own hand resting on her stomach.

"She's moving," Meredith whispered as I settled my head on the pillow.

"Go to sleep, Meggie," I whispered.

"No," Meredith shook her head, and I heard the tears in her voice. "Let her move. It means she's still...she's still here."

"She's still here," I murmured, pulling her close. "We're okay, Mer, we're all going to be okay."

She nodded and her breathing began to even out. She was obviously exhausted, and so was I, but I couldn't sleep. I had promised Addie I wouldn't take my eyes off her, off Meggie. I smiled softly as my daughter moved carefully underneath my hand sent a prayer of thanks to whatever higher power there was that my girls were all right. That Meredith was still here. Because without her, without her, I wouldn't be able to breathe.

_Fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be, forever with you, forever in me, ever the same..._


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy when Katie's net broke last night she wouldn't have gotten mad. She would have sighed and gone and slept with Paddy.**

"Mommy," Dillon's voice woke me up two mornings later. "Mommy, where's my blue shirt? The one with Ninja turtles?"

"I don't know Dill," Meredith mumbled, not moving her head from the pillow.

"I gotta wear it today," he insisted, poking her arm. "Charlie and I are gonna be Ninja turtles in the tree house. Please, Mommy."

"Dill, it's early," Meredith groaned, rolling over.

"It's nine thirty," he said. "And Charlie and I are gonna be Ninja turtles at eleven. I need my blue shirt."

"Dill, I really shouldn't..." Meredith began.

"Mommy, please," he insisted. "Please."

I decided it was time that I spoke up. "Bud, you know what we said about Mommy having to stay in bed."

"I know," he said. "But she washed it. She'll know where it is. You won't know."

"I can look," I shrugged, sitting up a little too quickly and causing my head to swim slightly. I was too tired to move this quickly but Meredith had been trying to get up for two days, and if I moved too slowly she would.

"No, no, it's fine," Meredith sighed. "I can find it. You'll never find it, Derek."

"Meredith, bed rest. Just tell me where to look," I said, leaning over and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"The laundry basket," she sighed. "In the garage. The yellow one."

"I can find that easily," I nodded, getting out of bed completely. "Come on, bud."

Dillon nodded and followed behind me closely. "You gotta find it, Daddy Derek."

"I will find it," I nodded, frowning. None of my family seemed to have any confidence with me on this one.

We went out to the garage where I found two yellow baskets. I looked down at Dillon, who had a frown on his face. "Daddy Derek, there are two yellow baskets. Maybe we should get Mommy."

"No, no, we can do this bud," I shook my head. "It's only two, we can look through both of them."

"But if we mess up Mom's piles, she'll get really angry," he said wisely.

"We can fix them," I nodded, staring down at one of the very full baskets. Of course laundry had been Meredith's duty. When you can't cook you're usually delegated to laundry. And that was fine when Meredith was good. But well, it left us in a small problem right now.

"Okay," he said slowly as he started digging through the first yellow basket, throwing the clothes to the side.

"Dill, be a little more careful, so there's less fixing," I laughed.

"It's not in here," he sighed. "Daddy Derek, if I don't wear the shirt, I can't be a Ninja turtle."

"We will find it, bud. You will be a ninja turtle," I nodded, rifling through my own yellow basket.

"And if I'm not a Ninja turtle then I can't play in the tree house," he continued. "And then I'll be bored all day."

"Dillon, you will be a Ninja turtle," I said again.

"And if I'm bored all day then I'm going to watch TV all day and Mommy says watching TV all day is really bad," he ignored me.

"Dillon!" I sighed, exasperated. "You will be a Ninja turtle."

"But I can't without my shirt!" he exclaimed. "And we can't find it!"

"The shirt has to be somewhere," I sighed.

"Is it in your basket?" he asked.

"Well...no," I said, looking around at the other baskets. "But unless you left it at your Daddy's it has to be here."

"I'm going to get Mommy," he sighed, starting to go back inside.

"Dillon, Mommy can't get out of bed," I reminded him grabbing his arm. "We can do this."

"But you can't find it," he insisted. "And she gets out of bed to go potty. So she can get out for a second to find my shirt. Cause Daddy Derek, I need my shirt."

"I can find it. And she can't look for a shirt. If she looks for a shirt Mommy might get sick again, and then Aunt Addie won't be happy with us," I explained.

He frowned for a second. "If you don't find my shirt, I'll never talk to you again. Mommy would have found it by now."

"So our whole entire relationship lays on this shirt?" I looked at him increduously.

"Yes," he said firmly. "I need my shirt, Daddy Derek. I need it."

"And we will find it," I nodded. I really needed to find this shirt.

I started to dig around in other baskets, wondering how in the world Meredith had it all sorted. The shirt was missing. It was absolutely missing. "We're not going to find it," he sighed.

"Not with that attitude," I said pointedly. "Do you remember the last time you wore it?"

"I wore it last week, the day before I went to Daddy's," he said. "Cause we played Ninja Turtles then and I got pizza on it and Mommy was really angry at me. But I had to, because Ninja turtles eat pizza."

"Ninja turtles do eat pizza," I nodded in agreement. "Did you give it to Mommy to wash?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "She said she'd wash it while I was at Daddy's."

"Okay, do you know where she puts the dirty clothes before she washes them?" I asked looking around the room.

"In the yellow basket," he said. "By the washing machine."

"Let's check there," I sighed walking towards it.

"What if it's dirty?" he asked. "Will Mommy wash it?"

"I will wash it," I answered.

He stared at me incredulously. "Um...Daddy Derek, do you know how?"

"Of course I know how, I lived by myself before I met you guys," I laughed, and left out the detail that I usually had my mom do the wash.

He reached into the basket and, sure enough, there was the t-shirt. "Shit," he muttered.

"Pardon me?" I asked him.

"Uncle Mark says it," he shrugged. "Shit."

"Dillon, you know you shouldn't repeat anything that comes out of Uncle Mark's mouth," I shook my head.

"Uncle Mark said when something really bad happens you should say shit," he told me. "And my shirt is dirty. And that's bad. So shit."

"Shit is a bad word Dillon. If your mom heard it you would lose your toys," I warned him, taking the shirt.

"It has pizza on it," he sighed.

"It has pizza on it, but we can take care of that," I nodded.

"Are you sure you know how?" he stared at me as he climbed onto a chair next to the washing machine.

"How hard can it be?" I shrugged looking at the buttons on the machine. This couldn't be hard. I had never really done it, trailers didn't lead to having washing machines. But it couldn't be hard. The machine didn't have that many buttons. And I'm a brain surgeon. I operate on brains, I save lives, I can wash a little boy's shirt.

I looked at the shirt, glancing at the pizza stain on it. Soap. I would need soap. But what kind of soap? I looked at the tag and found washing instructions, nodding firmly. Okay, this wouldn't be bad. But the stain. I needed to get the stain out. "Um, Daddy Derek?" Dillon said slowly.

"Yeah, bud?" I asked, almost hoping he'd have some ingenious answer.

"You don't know, do you?" he asked.

"No. But I'm a brain surgeon. I can figure this out," I nodded. Nodding was good, I had been doing that a lot today. But nodding, nodding was good. It made me feel like I wasn't clueless.

"Maybe we should ask Mom," he said carefully.

"If we ask Mom she's going to want out of bed," I told him. "No asking Mom."

"But Daddy Derek," he sighed.

"What bud?" I sighed myself.

"I need my shirt," he repeated. "And Mommy can clean it."

"Mommy can't get out of bed," I replied. "And we can do this."

"I can't," he shook his head. "I'm not allowed."

"Why aren't you allowed?" I asked him confused.

"Because I'm too small," he answered. "Mom says I'll ruin the clothes."

"I say you can help. Now do you know if Mom has any stain remover?" I asked.

He nodded and pointed to the shelf above the washing machine. "Up there."

"Good, that's good," I nodded, looking through the bottles for the stain remover.

"She sprays it," he said wisely.

"We can spray it," I stated, grabbing the bottle. I quickly glanced at the directions and sure enough Dillon was right. I placed the dirty shirt on the washer and sprayed the stain.

"And then rub it," he stated. "Rub it really hard."

"Okay," I nodded, grabbing a sponge. A sponge seemed like the best thing to rub it with. It seemed...right.

"That's not how Mommy does it," he suddenly said.

"And how does mommy do it?" I sighed.

"She rubs the shirt together one the spot," he answered. "Maybe we should go get her."

"We are not going to get her," I groaned. Because she had to stay in bed. And if she had any idea that I had no idea how to clean a shirt I would never hear the end of it. Ever. I grabbed the shirt and rubbed it the way Meredith did. "Is that better?"

"Yeah," he shrugged.

"We can do this," I nodded again, examining the shirt to see how the stain was looking.

"Is it off?" he asked, standing on the chair to examine the shirt with me.

"I think so," I said.

"Now what?" he looked expectantly at me.

"I guess we wash it now," I shrugged, looking at the washing machine and all it's buttons once again. It looked more complicated than the human brain. And I would know.

"So we need soap," he said. "Right?"

"Soap. Soap would be good," I nodded in agreement.

"Mommy has powder soap and liquid soap," he reported. "Which one do we use?"

"I don't know," I sighed looking at both of them. "Which one does she use usually?"

He shrugged. "She uses them the same," he frowned. "Maybe we should get her."

"Bud, we don't need her," I shook my head. "We'll use...liquid."

"You sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," I nodded.

"Okay," he nodded. "How much?"

"Well...ummm..." I cleared my throat. "How much does the bottle say?"

"Ummm," he stared at it. "I dunno. It says a lot of things."

"Let me see," I said, grabbing the bottle from him and looking at the side. "Okay, we need enough to fill this cup."

"Maybe we should do more," he frowned. "It's really dirty."

"No, I think the one cup should be enough," I nodded.

"Okay," he said, though he sounded doubtful. "Now what?"

"Now we turn the washer on," I said, staring at the buttons.

"What button is it?" he stood on his chair again, staring with me at the many buttons.

"That's a good question," I sighed.

"Maybe we should get Mommy," he said yet again.

"We don't need Mommy," I shook my head. "I think the start button would be good."

"There are lots of words," he said. "De-deli-delicate. What's that mean?"

"It means tiny things that get ripped easily, like lace and stuff," I explained.

"Heavy," he read next. "Normal. Which one?"

"Normal, this would be normal," I said. "And we should probably throw some other stuff in."

"What kind of stuff?" he asked, ducking his head into the dirty clothes yellow basket.

"What stuff is there?" I asked.

"Underwear and t-shirts," he said. "And a blanket. And sweaters."

"Sounds good, but it can't be white. You can't mix whites with colours," I said confidently, happy to know something.

"Derek?" Meredith appeared in the doorway, her hand on her belly. "What is taking so long?"

"Nothing, we're fine," I smiled. "And you should be in bed."

"Mommy, Daddy Derek doesn't know how to wash my shirt," Dillon reported.

"That's a lie, I know how to wash his shirt," I argued.

"Nu uh," Dillon shook his head. "He doesn't know how to turn on the machine. And don't call me a liar, Daddy Derek. You're a liar."

"That wasn't a lie. We're working on it, we're figuring it out," I nodded, smiling at Meredith's amused glance.

"Figuring it out?" Meredith asked, stepping in front of the machine, quickly turning it on and throwing other similarly colored shirts in with the ninja turtle shirt. "You're forty years old and you're just now figuring out how to use a washing machine?"

I cleared my throat and smiled sheepishly at her. "I didn't have room for one in the trailer."

"Do not tell me you made your poor mother do your wash," she sighed as she poured the liquid soap into the wash and then closed the top, turning to stare at me.

"She wanted to do my wash," I argued. "She liked being involved in my life."

"You're pathetic, Derek Shepherd," she rolled her eyes.

"And you're supposed to be in bed," I argued.

"I know," she nodded. "I was just getting worried."

"And now you know I haven't killed our son you should be back in bed," I said, turning her so she faced the door.

"I'm going, I'm going," she sighed as she moved into the kitchen. I couldn't help but smile as I noticed she was waddling a little. "Do you know how to work a dryer?"

"We can figure it out," I reassured her.

"Oh God," she sighed. "Dill, come get me when it's time to dry your shirt, okay?"

"Meredith you will be in bed, no one will come and get you," I shook my head.

"Dillon, promise me," she looked at her son. "Because Daddy Derek is going to end up blowing up the house."

"I am not going to blow up the house," I groaned.

"I promise, Mom," Dillon nodded with a smile on his face.

"You know I found your shirt for you, you should be on my side," I pointed out.

"I have to have my shirt really soon though," he said. "And I like my room. I don't want it to blow up."

"Nothing is going to blow up," I sighed. "Except for maybe me."

"Why are you gonna blow up?" he asked me as we watched Meredith make her way up the stairs.

"Because living with Greys is enough to make a man blow up," I laughed.

"I heard that," Meredith called. "And you have a trailer."

"I have to get rid of that trailer so you can stop using that as a threat," I yelled back.

"You can stay with Mark if you want," she threatened.

"You would leave me with him?" I gasped.

"I wouldn't want you blowing up," she replied. "Mark is the better option of the two."

"I don't know about that, Mer," I laughed. "Besides what would you ever do without me?"

"I'd find a way to deal," she replied. "Now, feed our son and bring me breakfast."

"You'd starve without me," I laughed heading to the kitchen.

"Pancakes," Dillon ordered as he climbed onto the stools at the bar.

"Wouldn't dream of making anything else," I said, grabbing the flour out of the cupboard.

"You make the best pancakes, Daddy Derek," he smiled as he played with some army men he had left on the counter.

"Thanks, bud," I smiled, and gave him a quick kiss on his head.

"You wouldn't really go away, would you?" he asked.

"No, I wouldn't really go away. Ever," I answered.

"And you're not gonna blow up, right?"

"I'm not going to blow up," I laughed. "And neither is the dryer."

"When will Mommy be able to get out of bed?" he asked as he made shooting noises.

"Tomorrow," I sighed. "But she's still going to have to take it easy, which means we're both going to have to do more."

"Like what?" he asked.

"A whole bunch of things, like the laundry and dishes. And we have to make sure we keep the house clean," I answered.

"Are we gonna go shopping again?" he asked, tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, bud. We're going to have to, why?" 

"We can't go to the toy store," he said softly. "Mommy might get sick again."

"Mommy won't be able to come with us," I sighed, walking over and wrapping an arm around him. "And bud, the toy store had nothing to do with Mommy getting sick."

"She got sick when we were there," he said. "So no more toy store. What if you get sick? Or I get sick?"

"Bud, the toy store didn't make her sick," I sighed. "Mommy has had a long pregnancy, a lot has happened and she's been tired. That made her sick, not the store."

"How come she didn't get sick at the other stores?" he asked seriously.

"I don't know bud, it was just a timing thing, nothing more," I explained.

"Are you sure?" he stared at me.

"I'm sure. The toy store is safe."

"Okay," he nodded. "Daddy Derek, are we gonna finish Megan's room? Or is Mommy gonna do it?"

"We're going to do it," I nodded.

"Mom Kimmy said she'd help," he told me.

"Good. We can give her a call," I suggested.

"We should," he nodded. "Cause she said she'll make Megan's room into a little girl's dream."

"Then we definitely have to call her," I laughed.

"Do we call her now?" he asked.

"It's a little early, we'll call her later," I told him.

"Okay," he nodded as I put a plate in front of him. "Daddy Derek, my daddy says that if Megan comes early, she might have to have surgeons. Would you surgeon her?"

"No, I can't surgeon on family," I explained.

"You surgeoned Grandma," he stated.

"That was...different," I sighed.

"Why?" he asked as he poured syrup liberally over his pancakes.

"It was an emergency," I tried to tell him.

"But Megan would be a 'mergency," he pushed the plate toward me, waiting for me to cut his pancakes.

"She would be bud, but...Grandma didn't need surgery, she just needed...taking care of. Megan might need surgery and I'm not allowed to do that. Besides if Megan comes early your mommy is going to need me."

"Okay," he nodded as he took the first bite of his pancakes. "You better go give Mommy her breakfast, Daddy Derek. Or she'll make you go to Uncle Mark's house."

"I'm on my way," I said, grabbing the plate and a glass of orange juice.

I went upstairs to find Meredith in bed, her hand on her stomach and a pregnancy book in her hands. "Pancakes?" she smiled as she put the book aside.

"Our son demanded them," I smiled.

She laughed lightly as she took the plate from my hands. "They smell good," she told me. "Lay down with me?"

"Of course," I nodded, sliding onto the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," she said, taking a bite. "My back hurts a little, but I'm fine. And your daughter has apparently discovered that kicking me in the ribs repeatedly hurts and gets my attention."

"Want me to tell her to stop?" I laughed.

"You could," she nodded, "but I doubt it would do any good."

"Megan listens to me," I reminded her and then looked at her stomach. "Meggie, stop kicking your mom."

Meredith laughed. "Now, she listens. But when she's born, I think you'll be listening to her," she grinned at me. "Dill's birthday is in two weeks."

"Is it?" I asked, running my hand over her stomach.

"Yes," she nodded. "Two weeks. He's going to want a party."

"That's okay, we can handle a party," I smiled.

"There will be about twenty kids invited," she told me. "And I promised him a big one this year. Now, I don't mind planning it. The cake and the presents. I just wanted to warn you."

"You don't have to plan it," I shook my head. "You'll be nearly 8 months by then and will be taking it easy. I've got this."

"Derek," she sighed, "you can't work a washer. Do you really think you can plan a seven year old's birthday party?"

"Do seven year old's birthday parties include working washers?" I asked in a serious tone.

"No," she shook her head. "But there's the cake and the decorations and the entertainment and watching the kids. And the activities."

"I can do all that," I sighed. "I'll get Lucas to help."

"Oh God," she sighed. "This is going to be a nightmare."

"We're Dillon's fathers, you should have faith in us"

"Derek, really, I'm fine to plan this," she insisted. "It's not that stressful. I can do thsi."

"I want to do it," I frowned. "It's good bonding between son and fathers."

"Okay," she sighed. "But you have to promise me that if it gets too overwhelming, you ask me for help."

"I will come to you for help often," I nodded.

"And if you and Lucas can't do this," she looked at me seriously, "don't worry about it. I can do it. Don't worry about me."

"It's my job to worry about you," I argued.

"No, it's your job to go and worry about other people," she argued back. "Speaking of, when do you go to work this week?"

"Day after tomorrow," I sighed. I didn't want to go to work. Because the second I went to work Meredith would be trying to do everything around the house, all at once. And it would be bad. She needed me here.

"I'll be fine, Derek," she assured me, her fingers tangling themselves in my hair.

"I know, I just...I want to be here to watch out for you," I said.

"I'm going to be careful," she promised. "I want Meggie to be healthy. I'll be careful."

"Good," I kissed her, letting my mouth lingers on her for a bit. "You're my everything, Mer."

"I love you," she whispered, her tongue slipping gently into my mouth.

"I love you too," I whispered, kissing her back passionately. "And we better not start something we can't finish."

"I fully plan on finishing," she giggled as she put the plate on the bedside table before bringing me down for a long passionate kiss, her fingers lightly grazing my jaw.

"We can't," I moaned.

"Hmmm," she moaned. "I need you."

"God, Mer," I whispered, letting my hand travel to cup her breast. "I need you too. But we can't."

"This is so wrong," she sighed as she nuzzled my neck.

"I know," I mumbled. "The second we can, the second, we're giving the brats to someone else and having our weekend away."

She giggled and brought my hand to her stomach, where Megan was kicking violently. "Someone doesn't appreciate being called a brat."

I laughed and kissed her stomach. "Sorry princess, but I want to have sex with your mommy and because of you, I can't. That definitely makes you a brat."

I laughed as I felt a kick directly under my lips and Meredith ran her fingers through my hair. "Derek."

"Yeah" I asked, turning my head to look up at her.

"I know it's moved really fast," she started carefully, "and I know this probably wasn't in your plans a year ago. But I am glad you're here with me. And I am glad we're going to have Megan."

"There is no where else for me to be," I sighed happily. "This is where I belong."

"We're going to do this right though next time," she laughed. "No more kids until we're married."

"No more kids until we're married," I agreed smiling. "We have to start planning that."

"Not now," she shook her head. "Right now, we have to start talking about a birth plan and..." She was cut off by the ringing of my cell phone.

"One second," I said to her sitting up and grabbing the phone. "Shepherd."

"Derek?" Mark's voice came on the line, sounding slightly panicked.

"Yes?" I asked, reaching over and giving Meredith's hand a slight squeeze.

"Addie just called me," he said quickly. "Something about news about Mom."

"Oh, how did she sound?" I asked, trying to keep any panic out of my voice. Because Meredith didn't need panic.

"Like a doctor," he said. "I don't know. The same way we sound when we tell patients we have news about their families."

I sighed deeply into the phone. "Does she want us to meet her at the hospital?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I'm on my way now."

"I'll leave now," I said, hanging up the phone and then turning to a very concerned looking Meredith. "News about Mom."

"I'll come with you," she said, already moving to get out of bed.

"No you will not," I said, gently holding her down. "You need to be in bed and you definitely don't need this stress."

"Derek, she's...well, she's my mom too," she softly insisted.

I smiled at her words and sat back down beside her, gently stroking her cheek. "I know she is. But right now she'd want you in this bed taking care of her grandchild. I promise I will let you know what's happening."

"Okay," she sighed as she leaned into my touch. "I'll call Izzie to come over and help with Dill."

"Good plan," I smiled and kissed her quickly. "I shouldn't be gone long."

She nodded and then grabbed my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "She's going to be fine, Der."

"I hope so," I said, kissing her again. "Love you."

"Love you too," she smiled.

I headed downstairs to tell Dillon what was happening and took a deep breath. Mom had to be okay. She had been doing better, things had been starting to look up. The doctors were being a lot more positive. And now there was news. Big, scary, ominous news. She had to be okay.

_"I want to lay like this forever until the sky falls down on me..."_


	53. Chapter 53

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, there would never be repeats...it would be non stop Grey's all year long.**

It was a lot later than I had planned, Meredith was probably terrified. I had been surprised she hadn't called, and now she was sleeping. Laying in our bed and looking entirely beautiful. I felt bad for her, ever since she had met me her life had been so hard, but still when she slept she always looked so peaceful. And beautiful. Things would get better. We had each other.

I kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed next to her, wrapping myself around her, placing my hands on her swollen belly, where our daughter was, for once, still. I needed to stay this way with her forever. I needed to just lay here and not move. Not think. Not do anything but be there for her and for Meggie. I took a deep breath and was surprised when the tears finally came.

I bit my lip to hold back the sobs as my shoulders softly shook. I couldn't hold the tears back but I refused to sob. I refused to wake Meredith up. She looked beautiful, she needed sleep and I couldn't wake her up. Not with this. Right now I just needed to hold her, to feel my everything next to me and to feel my daughter in her stomach.

"Der?" she murmured, obviously still half asleep as she shifted slighly in my arms, but didn't turn around. I was holding her too tightly as the tears spilled onto the scrub top she now wore to bed almost every night. "Derek?"

I shook my head quickly, letting a small sob out as my body shook even more. "Mer..." I gasped. "Oh Mer..."

She sat up and and looked at me, her eyes wide with panic. "Der, what is it?" she asked softly. "What, your mom...Mom...she didn't..."

I shook my head quickly, closing my eyes tight as I curled up to her closer, nearly on what was left of her lap. "She's...she's..."

"Derek?" she ran her fingers through my hair, her other hand softly rubbing my back. "Breathe. Breathe, Der."

I tried to, I really tried to breathe. It just wasn't happening, not tonight. Not after everything we had been through these past months. "Mer..." I whispered.

"Derek, you're scaring me little," she said softly as I put my hand over her stomach, trying desperately hard to breathe, to stop crying.

"My mom..." I gasped. "She's...it's...she's okay."

"What?" Meredith stopped rubbing my back as she stared at me. "What? What do you mean she's okay?"

"She's...she's..." I whispered in between sobs. "Remission, she's in remission."

"Oh my..." she trailed off as we sat together, my hand still on her stomach as each sob shook my body. Suddenly, I felt her hit me, hard. "You're such an ass."

"What?" I asked, confussion coming through my tears. "What?"

"You scared the hell out of me!" she shook her head. "You come in here sobbing and I'm thinking she's dead!"

"Sorry," I hiccuped attempting to pull myself back together. "It's just..."

"I know," she nodded as she ran her fingers through my hair again. "I know."

I shook my head quickly, moaning softly as she played with my hair. "I've, we've, been through so much in the past months. So much Mer."

"I know," she whispered. "But it's okay now. We're okay now."

I nodded quickly and pulled her close again, rubbing my hands along her back and holding her close to me, loving the feel of her against me. "Thank you."

"For what?" she whispered.

"For staying by me," I sighed, my breath still rugged from my sobs. "You didn't want a relationship, you didn't want to give me a chance, and you did. And everything has been tested. Everything. I would have...I would have understood if you had left. It would have killed me, but I would have understood."

She didn't say anything for a minute, she just lay there, her head against my chest. "I thought about it," she whispered. "I told Mark...I told him...and he told me that you, that you're different. That you still believe in things. That we loved each other. And, I do. I didn't, I didn't want us. Or anyone. I just...I wanted to be alone. But then you came. And I...I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered. "And things are going to be better now, from now on, they're going to be better. I will never give you a reason to leave."

"I wouldn't...I couldn't leave even if I wanted to," she sighed. "You're...I don't know. You're Derek."

I laughed quietly and brushed my lips over hers gently. "I'm glad I'm Derek. But you won't want to. Ever again."

She caught my lips with her teeth, kissing me deeply. "Der, you're...you're it for me. I'm done."

"I know," I nodded. "You're it for me too."

"And, well, you're the father of my daughter," she smiled, bringing my hand to rest on her stomach. "And my son. You're his daddy. I can't imagine you not being here."

I leaned forward and kissed her stomach. "How did we end up here? A year ago...we were somewhere completely different. And now, how did this happen?"

"You were very persistant," she laughed.

"I was," I nodded. "We owe this all to me. You would have passed this up. This, Mer."

"You used your five year old niece as bait, Derek," she giggled. "You used her to pick me up. I think we should owe it all to Talulah."

"She can be the flower girl," I smiled. And even though I had been happy with Meredith for months it was the first time the smile felt full.

"Oh, she will be," Meredith nodded. "Along with Meggie."

"Meggie? We're waiting that long?" I asked.

"Another two years," she sighed. "I just...I...Derek, I'm dark and twisty."

I nodded slowly. "I can wait. But Mer...you're not as dark and twisty as you like to think."

She rolled her eyes. "Ellis Grey as a mother...the daddy issues...the boys in the bars...a son from a previous so-called relationship. What are they calling it besides dark and twisty these days?"

"The life of Meredith Grey," I laughed. "A hard life with a very happy ending."

"Oh, you're supposed to be my happily ever after?" she giggled. "Where's my white horse?"

"I can get you a white horse," I nodded.

"And a castle," she smiled. "And a sunset. We're supposed to ride off into the sunset or something."

I laughed and kissed her quickly. "I will find that sunset. As for a castle...maybe I can trade in the trailer."

"No," she shook her hed, taking my hand. "The trailer is the perfect castle."

"That's why I love you, you're willing to accept my trailer," I laughed.

She giggled and then brought my hand down to her stomach. "She kicks more than Dill did," she said softly.

"She's excited to meet me," I smiled. "She knows how much I've wanted her."

"How many?" Meredith asked.

"Twenty," I shrugged. "You?"

"Twenty!" Meredith giggled, hitting me on the shoulder. "I hope you plan on being pregnant for at least sixteen of those."

"So you're willing to have four?" I asked.

She smiled softly. "Four including Megan. So three more. Yes."

I smiled brilliantly and kissed her again. "We're going to need a bigger house."

"We will," she whispered against my lips. "This house is big enough for Dill and me. But for five kids and us?"

"Five kids," I smiled. "I guess we're going to need to get that castle."

"And where do you plan on finding a castle, oh great and wise King Derek?" she giggled.

"I will build one for my queen," I laughed.

"Where?" she asked as she reached up to push my messy hair off my forehead.

"My land," I nodded. I hadn't even thought of it before but now it seemed like the perfect idea.

"Oh, Derek," she sighed, a smile on her face. "By the water?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "We'll put the master bedroom so it's over looking our sunset."

"It has to be completely separate from the kids," she nodded. "So we can have sex all we want."

"I like the way your mind works," I laughed and then kissed her deeply.

She moaned a little in my mouth, her fingers playing with my hair as she breathed deeply. "Der..."

"Mer, we can't," I said shaking my head.

"Addison would never know," she giggled breathlessly. "I feel fine."

"I am not risking it, Mer," I groaned.

"I know you want to," she sighed as her hand went down to where my erection was already making itself known.

"I always want to," I breathed lifting her hand away. "But I also want my daughter to be healthy and born at 9 months. I'm not risking it."

"It needs to be nine months," she sighed. "Actually, you realize I won't be able to have sex for six weeks after she's born, right?"

"I'm trying not to think of that," I smiled.

"We can't keep our hands off of each other for five seconds," she groaned. "How are we going to do it for the next three and a half months?"

"I don't know," I groaned. "But the second you're good to go, we're leaving Dill and Meggie with family and leaving town."

"Sounds good," she nodded. "To the bed and breakfast."

"Just the two of us," I smiled. "And a lot of sex."

"We won't even pack clothes," she giggled as she nuzzled my neck, her stomach against mine.

"Good," I said. "We should get some sleep."

"We should," she nodded. "And tomorrow, we have things to do."

"Things?" I asked.

"Yeah, things," she nodded as her eyelids drooped. "Brith plans and nursery plans and house plans..."

"Thos things," I nodded, shifting slightly to hold her close. "I love you, Meredith Grey-Shepherd."

"I love you, Derek Shepherd," she murmured.

I smiled and held her close, my hands resting on her stomach where my daughter slept. Now I could be happy, really amazingly, fully happy.

_A thousand angels dance around you, I am complete now that I found you_


	54. Chapter 54

It had been a week since my mom's cancer had gone into remission. A week since the pre term labor. A week since I had gone back to work for one day. A week since I had freaked out because Meredith hadn't answered the phone when I tried to call her while I was at work, only to be reminded by Mark that it was six thirty in the morning and Meredith was probably asleep. A lot had happened in a week. Meredith had adjusted to this life a lot better than I thought she would. She seemed okay with taking it easy now. Okay with everything. For the first time in months life felt calm, it felt collected. Everything had come together at the right time. My mom was better. Meredith was dealing. Dillon had started behaving like himself again. Everything had returned to the way it should be.

Life had actually gotten better than it had been before. This was the way it was supposed to be. Meredith smiling and laughing in the morning as Dillon attempted to make the pancake batter all by himself. Meredith and I watching TV after Dillon went to bed, my hand resting on her stomach as our daughter moved gently. Dillon talking non stop about his birthday.

Which led us to today. Kimmy and Lucas were coming over to finish of the nursery and to plan the party. Neither would be hard. Kimmy would do something brilliant. And Lucas and I, we could plan a party. We were brilliant surgeons, brilliant surgeons could plan a kid's party. Today would be easy. Although considering the way we had started out, it was a miracle we were all a weird family now. 

"Hey, Derek," Kimmy smiled at me as she came in, her arms and Lucas's piled high with packages from different baby stores around town. We had no idea what Kimmy was doing in the room upstairs, she absolutely refused to let us in until it was done and Lucas had apparently been sworn to secrecy with the threat of death and/or no sex. All I knew was that my credit card was involved.

"Hey Kimmy, Lucas," I greeted them. "Let me help you with those."

"Absolutely not," she shook her head. "No peeking, Derek. I want Meg's room to be a complete surprise."

"Fine," I sighed. "We have a party to plan anyway."

"That's right," Lucas grinned. "A birthday party that will rival all birthday parties before it. Where is my son anyway?"

"I think he's in his room playing," I answered.

"Hey, Lucas, Kimmy," Meredith smiled coming into the room, a carton of Ben and Jerry's in her hand. It was her newest craving, ice cream. And a lot of it. I absolutely had to keep the fridge stocked with it at all times.

"Meredith!" Kimmy greeted. "You're looking great!"

Meredith laughed. "If by great you mean fat with swollen ankles, then yeah, I guess I look great."

Kimmy laughed. "You look pregnant, Mer. I can't wait until I look like that."

I laughed at the look that passed over Lucas's face, a mix between complete fear and excitement. "Honey, let's get married first," he told her carefully.

"They didn't," Kimmy pointed out giggling.

"Yeah, well, uh," Lucas started to look around wildly, as if somehow the house would eat him alive, "it...uh. Dill! Dill pickle, where are you?"

A muffled cry came from upstairs, followed by the sound of tiny footsteps running down the stairs. A lot of tiny footsteps. "He has some friends over to help him plan. Charlie and Sullivan."

"Sullivan?" Lucas asked. "I know Charlie."

"My nephew," I explained. "Their bears got along well, it made them friends for life."

"Hi Dad!" Dillon grinned as he hugged his father, Sam nestled in his arms. "Charlie, Sullivan and me were playing Power Rangers!"

"That sounds fun, Dill!" Lucas exclaimed. "Are they going to help us plan?"

"Yeah!" Sullivan and Charlie both grinned.

"Good," I smiled. "Now there's five of us. Five men can plan a party."

"I would pay to see this," Kimmy smiled at Meredith.

"It's going to be a mess," Meredith nodded. "I expect them to come to me for help by the end of the day."

"We'll be fine, won't we guys?" I smiled at my army of party planners. Three kids under the age of ten and two surgeons. This would be a breeze.

"Of course we will Uncle Derek!" Sullivan exclaimed.

"Okay, whatever," Kimmy rolled her eyes. "Lucas, help me take this stuff upstairs and then you can come plan the party of the century."

"It will be the party of the century," Lucas said, pouting.

"Of course it will, honey," she smiled indulgently at him as they started upstairs.

"No one has any faith in us, Dill," I sighed.

"Of course we do, honey," Meredith's eyes twinkled at me as she dug her spoon into the carton of Ben and Jerry's.

"For some reason I don't believe you, " I laughed, kissing her lips that tasted like chocolate.

"Dill, Sull, Charlie, be good to Derek and Lucas," Meredith winked at them. "I'm going to go watch a movie."

"Yell if you need anything," I nodded.

"I'm fine," she sighed. "I feel great today."

"And for that I'm eternally grateful, but if you need something yell," I smiled.

"Oh, I have the feeling you'll be the one yelling," she giggled as she went into the living room, just as Lucas came down the stairs.

"We can do this," I nodded to him. "We can definitely do this."

"Definitely," he nodded firmly. "I performed surgery on an aortic aneurysm yesterday. If I can do that, then I can plan a party."

"Exactly what I've been saying," I laughed. "Okay guys, let's get to it."

"So," Lucas said as he grabbed a couple of beers for us and three juice boxes for the kids from the fridge, "what's first?"

"I think we need a theme," I nodded, looking at the three children.

"Yeah!" Sullivan nodded. "My birthday party last year was George in the Jungle. Remember, Uncle Derek?"

"I do," I nodded. "It was a great party. So Dill, any ideas?"

"Hmmm," he said. "Power Rangers."

"We can do Power Rangers," Lucas agreed.

"No we can't," Charlie spoke up.

"Why not?" Dillon asked looking confused.

"Because Jeff's at school, his was Power Rangers, member?" Charlie reminded Dillon. "And he'll make fun of you if you do it too."

"That's true," Dillon nodded seriously. "No Power Rangers."

"No Power Rangers," Lucas wrote down on the piece of paper I had gotten out. "Because Jeff at school will make fun."

"Any other ideas?" I asked.

"Wrestling," Charlie suggested. "That would be really cool, Dillon."

Dillon looked skeptical. "I don't think Mommy would like that idea."

"Why not?" Sullivan asked. "My dad says it's all fake."

"It's not fake," Charlie complained.

"Yeah it is," Sullivan nodded. "My dad says so."

"Your dad's stupid!" Charlie pouted, crossing his arms.

"No he's not!" Sullivan yelled. "You're stupid!"

"Guys, guys! No fighting!' I shouted.

"Uncle Derek, isn't wrestling fake?" and suddenly, three little faces were staring at me.

"I don't know," I shrugged non-committedly. "But I think Dill's right. His mom wouldn't like it."

"Probably not," Lucas supplied. "So no wrestling. Any other ideas?"

"Ninja turtles!" Sullivan yelled excitedly.

"Ninja turtles are so cool!" Dillon grinned. "And I got to be Michaelangelo cause it's my birthday!"

"Ninja turtles it is," I nodded.

"But I want to be Michaelangelo," Sullivan pouted. "I'm older!"

'But it's my birthday!" Dillon whined.

"I want to be Michaelangelo too!" Charlie smiled.  
"Couldn't you all be Michaelangelo?" I suggested innocently

Three faces turned to stare me, disgust on their faces. "No," Dillon said, "duh."

"Ninja turtles seems to be a bad idea than," Lucas pointed out.

"No!" all three boys cried.

"Guys, we need something," I sighed.

The boys sat in front of us. "It's my birthday," Dillon mumbled.

"I'm older," Sullivan pouted.

"I have orange hair," Charlie muttered.

"What does orange hair have to do with anything?" Lucas asked, obviously confused. Not that I wasn't.

"Cause Michaelangelo has a orange headband," Charlie said, with the obvious duh sound in his voice.

Lucas glanced at all three of their faces, all looking annoyed and frustrated and angry. They hadn't even decided on a theme and already had reached this place. Lucas banged his head against the table. "I think I'm having a seizure."

"That would be good," I nodded. "I could perform surgery then."

"Which is apparently easier than planning this party," Lucas groaned.

"How's it going, guys?" Meredith smiled as she came in with her empty ice cream carton, ruffling Dillon's hair.

"Daddy having a ceasar," Dillon told her.

"That bad?" Meredith laughed as Lucas groaned and rubbed his temples.

"We're fine," I answered. "Just deciding on a theme."

"I want Ninja turtles," Dillon stressed.

"Ninja turles is a good idea," Meredith nodded.

"Yeah, great idea," Lucas rolled his eyes. "Except everyone wants to be Michealangelo. And Charlie apparently has dibs on it because he has orange hair."

"Guys, it's Dill birthday. You should let him be Michealangelo," Meredith warned the other two.

"But I have orange hair!" Charlie repated.

"You do," Meredith nodded, ruffling it. "But you can be Michealangelo some other time."

"I guess," Charlie sighed.

"And Sullivan, Dill's your new cousin. He's family," Meredith nodded.

"You, you speak little boy?" I stared at my future wife, fighting the urge to fall down and kiss her ankles as Sullivan nodded.

"Yes," Meredith giggled. "Do you need some help?"

"Help?" Lucas turned to me. "Derek, do we need help?"

"Of course we don't need help," I scoffed.

"We're surgeons, Meredith," Lucas sighed. "I graduated top of my class. We're surgeons. And intelligent men. We've got this."

"Sure you do," Meredith nodded leaning forward and giving us both a kiss on the cheek. "Good look, doctors."

She waddled back to the living room and Lucas turned back to the boys. "Okay, so Ninja turtles, right?"

"Ninja turtles," Dillon nodded.

"Finally," Lucas sighed as he wrote it down. "Okay, what's next?"

"We need to decide who should come," Sullivan nodded

"Not Tommy," Charlie said firmly.

"Why not Tommy?" I asked.

"Because he's a poo head," Charlie answered.

"Why is he a poo head?" Lucas asked.

"Cause he got the new Power Rangers toy and wouldn't let us touch it," Dillon supplied.

"And that's a reason not to invite him?" I asked for clarification.

Dillon thought for a minute and then turned to Charlie. "What if he gets me a really cool toy though?"

Charlie looked pensive for a second. "Maybe you should invite him."

"Does he give really cool toys?" Sullivan asked.

"Usually he gives the coolest," Dillon smiled.

"Then you've gotta invite him!" Sullivan said.

"I don't know if it's a good idea to invite someone just for a gift," I suggested.

"Why not?" Dillon asked.

"Well it's a little rude," Lucas suggested.

"But he was already rude to me," Dillon stated.

"That's true," I nodded. "But two wrongs don't make a right."

"I heard him at the swimming pool say he was gonna get you a new Hot Wheels race track," Charlie told Dillon.

"We're inviting him," Dillon nodded.

"Dill, are you sure that's a good idea?" Lucas asked. "I mean, I wouldn't invite a poo head to my birthday." He turned to me, a horrified look on his face. "I just said poo head didn't I?"

"You did," I nodded. "You're being corrupted."

"Children are toxic," he sighed.

"They are," I agreed.

"Tommy's coming," Dillon said firmly. "And then we won't let him play with the race track."

"That's just mean," I gasped.

"He didn't let me play with his toy!" Dillon pouted.

"I know, bud. But just because he was mean to you doesn't give you reason to be mean to him," I explained.

"Yeah it does," Dillon, Charlie and Sullivan all said at once.

"No it doesn't," I argued. Which shows just how low I had sunk, I was arguing with seven year olds.

"Yeah it does," they argued back.

"No, it doesn't," I shook my head.

"Seizing," Lucas groaned. "I am clearly seizing."

I laughed. "Okay, maybe we should skip the invite list at the moment."

"Food," Lucas nodded. "Food is a safe choice."

"We can talk about food," I nodded.

"Pizza!" all three boys shouted. "Cause Ninja turtles eat pizza!"

"Thank god for an easy decision," I sighed

"What kind of pizza?" Lucas asked.

"Pepperoni!" Dillon yelled.

"Cheese!" Sullivan shouted.

"Hawaiian!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Ewww," Dillon and Sullivan said, scrunching up their faces.

Charlie pouted. "I like Hawaiian!"

"Derek," Lucas turned to me, "at what point in time does a seizure become life threatening?"

"Probably about now," I answered. "I think you're going to need an operation right now."

"Cool!" Charlie, Dillon, and Sullivan all said.

"Joking, we were joking," Lucas groaned.

"You know what would be really cool?" Sullivan turned to his two friends. "If we had a surgery party!"

"That would be cool!" Dillon yelled, his eyes completely wide.

Sullivan nodded. "My Uncle Mark has a lot of surgery videos! They have lots of blood and peoples' faces being torn off!"

"A surgery party would be a good idea," I nodded. "But watching Uncle Mark's videos might not be the best idea."

"I don't like surgery," Charlie frowned. "It hurt when I got my tonsils out."

"My blue arm hurt too," Dillon nodded. "But my daddy surgeons on hearts and Daddy Derek surgeons on brains. It's cool!"

"My mommy isn't a surgeon," Sullivan shook his head. "She shrinks peoples heads though!"

"Aunt Kathleen shrinks people's heads?" Dillon asked.

"Yeah," Sullivan nodded. "So they're not crazy anymore. If your head is really big, it means you're crazy."

"Wow! Daddy Derek why didn't you tell me Aunt Kathleen does that? That's cooler than surgeoning on brains," he pouted slightly, as if it was my fault that Kathleen had a cooler job than I did.

"She doesn't really," I sighed. "She talks to people and gives them medicine to make them feel better. She doesn't really shrink people's heads. It's a figure of speech."

"Oh," Dillon looked disappointed. "Can we still have a surgery party?"

"I don't want a surgery party," Charlie said. "What if it hurts?"

"They won't surgeon on us," Dillon shook his head. "But we can play like we're surgeoning and stuff!"

"I don't know how," Charlie sighed.

"Neither do I," Dillon said, patting his shoulder. "But my daddys can teach us."

"But what about Ninja turtles?" the orange haired boy frowned.

Dillon pouted. "I don't know. I like both."

"Derek," Lucas turned to me, "maybe we, uh, maybe we do need some...you know."

"We are not going to Meredith," I groaned. "You don't have to live with her, I would never hear the end of it."

"We've been here for an hour and we don't even have a theme," he sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Meredith will never shut up," I moaned again. "Ever."

"An hour, Derek," he stressed. "I'm going to have to get morphine for this headache. Or seizure. Whatever it is."

"Fine, but it's your fault. You're the one that gave in," I said.

"Do you want to go another hour?" he stared at me. "Another hour of poo heads and Hawaiian pizza and orange hair?"

"You will go get her," I nodded. "I am not admitting defeat."

"You're in love with her."

"Yes," I nodded. "And she will never shut up."

"This was your idea," he reminded me. "It was your idea to plan this. Not mine."

"You're his father," I reminded him.

"So are you."

I couldn't argue it. At all. Because it was nice that Dillon's real father acknowledged me as Dillon's father as well. "Fine, but I'm still blaming you," I groaned getting out of my chair.

"Whatever," he grinned. "Be brave, man."

I groaned and headed to the living room where she was curled up in a ball watching her movie. "A chick flick, seriously Mer? I thought you had better taste."

She looked up from her place on the couch, tears streaming down her cheeks. "He wrote her every day for a year," she sobbed. "And she's engaged!"

"That's tragic," I shook my head, slipping onto the couch beside her and letting her curl into my arms.

"And he built her a house," she whimpered. "Her dream house."

"I'm building you a house," I pointed out, laughing.

"Their relationship is so beautiful," she sighed. "They love each other but her mother wants her to marry this other guy."

"I'm sure it's all very beautiful," I sighed. "Wasn't that guy nominated for an Oscar?"

"Was he?" she shrugged and then looked up at me. "Party planning already done?"

"About that..." I trailed off.

"Oh?" she sat up a little, pausing the movie to look at me.

"Lucas thinks we need help," I nodded.

"Oh, he does," Meredith nodded slowly. "And what do you think?"

"I think we're fine," I said confidently. "But Lucas is the dad, if he thinks we need help...well."

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "I don't know, Chief," she said seriously, "I think you can take care of the situation and Lucas will listen."

I sighed. "Sullivan had the idea of a surgery party. But Charlie doesn't like it at all and wants to stick with Ninja turtles. And Dillon likes both ideas and is completely confused. And they hate Tommy but they want to invite him because apparently he's going to bring Dill a good gift but he won't be allowed to play with it. And Charlie wants Hawaiian pizza but the others hate it."

"And so you need..." she prompted me.

"I need my beautiful lovely fiancee's help," I groaned.

"And party planning isn't..."

"As easy as it looks," I admitted.

"Good," she smiled. "Help me up."

I grabbed her hands and pulled her up. "Am I going to hear this every day for the rest of my life?"

She laughed. "Oh, definitely," she nodded as she went into the kitchen where Lucas had his head on the table as the boys argued about surgery parties vs. Ninja turtles parties. "Listen up, guys. We're going to do Ninja turtles, to be allowed in, everyone has to wear a ninja turtle shirt or a bandana that's the color of their favorite Ninja turtle."

"You're a savior," Lucas smiled.

"We're going to have pizza," Meredith continued. "Cheese, pepperoni, and sausage. Charlie, we'll get you a personal pan of Hawaiian. Tommy's going to come but you guys have to let him play with the toy or I'm taking it away for Meggie. You have to invite at least one girl to be April, but she can't sleep over. If the boys want to sleep over, their mommies have to call me."

"This is why I love you," I kissed her quickly on the cheek.

"Dill, your cake will have Michaelangelo on it," she nodded. "And we'll decorate the backyard like a city and the living room like a sewer. Everyone will get party favors."

"I'm amazed, I'm in shock," Lucas murmured looking at the three kids who were now smiling.

"Does that sound good?" Meredith asked the boys.

"That sounds awesome, Aunt Meredith!' Sullivan exclaimed.

"Really, really cool!" Charlie grinned.

"Thanks Mommy!" Dillon smiled, wrapping his arms around her. "You're better at this than the Daddys."

"I know, honey," Meredith smiled. "Now you guys go upstairs, okay?"

"Okay," Dillon nodded, the three of them dissapearing.

Lucas suddenly grinned. "My seizure has stopped."

"I could have saved you," I nodded.

Meredith walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "Your first mistake was involving them," she said smugly. "Your second was giving them options."

"But it's their party," I pointed out.

"And Dillon is the most indecisive kid on Earth," she argued. "Give him options and you would be until his birthday. It's like giving a seven year old options for surgery."

"I like the surgery party idea," Lucas pouted.

"Too old for them," Meredith stated. "They'd get bored in the first hour. You need something that will keep them occupied for hours."

"You're amazing," I smiled.

"I know," she laughed. "And Izzie now owes me twenty bucks."

"You bet on us?" Lucas asked.

"Of course I did," she nodded. "Actually, I think we had a pot going. Cristina bet thirty you'd crack in the first ten minutes. Alex said the first thirty. I said an hour. And Izzie said you'd plan the party perfectly."

"I've always liked Izzie," I nodded.

"Me too," Lucas nodded. "Nice girl who has faith in us."

"Optimistic girl that has faith in everyone," Meredith corrected.

"Hey guys," Kimmy came into the room, kissing her fiancee on the lips, "how's the party planning going?"

"It's done, thanks to me," Meredith rolled her eyes, moving to lean against me.

I rubbed her back and whispered, "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she whispered, giggling softly.

"So I have news," Kimmy smiled.

"News is good," I said, my hand resting on Meredith's stomach.

"I just put the finishing touches on Meg's nursery," Kimmy grinned.

"We can go see it?" Meredith asked.

"Definitely," Kimmy nodded. "Not to brag, but it's amazing."

"Well, let's go," I laughed moving and grabbing Meredith's hand.

We went upstairs as quickly as Meredith could go and Kimmy jumped in front of us. "Okay," she said, her hand on the door knob, "I give you, Megan Elaine Shepherd's nursery." She swung the door open and stepped aside.

The room was the yellow we chose, bright and vibrant. And it looked like it belonged to a princess, my princess. Gentle lace curtains hung on the windows. Bright family pictures lined one wall. Her crib sat in the middle, now lined with a beautiful blanket adorned with tiny yellow flowers. Everything matched, everything had the same yellow glow. It was perfect. Meredith stepped inside slowly, one hand in mine, the other on her stomach. "Oh," she sighed as she looked around, at the stuffed animals in one corner, at the rocking chair by the window. "Oh."

"Kimmy, it's perfect," I breathed.

"I know," Kimmy nodded as she smiled at Lucas, who also looked a little overwhelmed.

"Thank you, thank you," Meredith murmured, tears on her cheeks.

"We'll go," Lucas said, grabbing Kimmy's hand.

I just nodded as I pulled Meredith close to me. "Wow," I breathed.

She nodded, the tears damp on her cheeks. "Derek," she sighed, "we're having a baby."

"We are," I breathed. "Soon."

"Very," she nodded. "So soon. We...are we ready?"

"We're ready," I nodded. "We're really ready."

"Our daughter," she sighed, walking over to the wall of family photos, where a sonogram picture of our little girl was blown up and on the wall. Meredith fingered the picture, her other hand on her belly. "Our little girl."

I walked behind her and placed my hand over hers. "Did you know it was possible to be this happy?"

"Never," she shook her head. "Not in a million years."

"Me neither," I smiled. "Do you think other people are this happy? My sisters...their husbands...is this how they feel?"

"I have no idea," she shook her head. "I hope so."

"Me too," I whispered, kissing her neck. "You're the love of my life, Mer."

"Cheesy," she said lightly, but as I looked down I saw the tears on her cheeks.

"Are you okay?" I asked gently.

"Happy," she whispered. "You...you...you're my, my knight in shining whatever."

"I am," I nodded. "And you're my...I don't know. Something really important."

She giggled as she turned to look at me, her green eyes shining with tears. "I'm in love with you," she said it softly. "I can't, I can't imagine you not in my life."

"You never will have to, because I'm in love with you too," I whispered.

She reached up and kissed me lightly, her lips grazing mine like feathers. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked.

"For this," she nodded, bringing my hand to her belly. "For loving Dillon. For loving me."

"There was never an option not too. From the second I saw you, you were it for me. And the second I saw Dill...I became a father," I told her.

"You're a sap, you know that," she giggled.

"And you love me," I laughed.

"I do," she nodded as she kissed me again. "I love you."

"I love you too," I smiled.

"We're having a little girl," she whispered, turning around in my arms so that her back was resting against my chest and I got a whiff of her lavender shampoo.

"We are," I nodded, burying my nose in her hair.

She brought my hand to her stomach and rested her own on top of it and we stood there, my arms tight around her as we felt our little girl move, staring at the room that would soon hold my Meggie.

_"I guess there are somethings you just know, there's a voice inside that's telling me to hold on and never let you go..."_


	55. Chapter 55

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's, Alicia would be buying sex toys in sex shops for her and Paddy. Sadly, we don't own Grey's.**

Nine months. Well nine months and one week. We had finally made it, we had more than made it. The last 2 months had gone smoothly, more smoothly than either of us could have expected considering how bad the other seven months had been. Dillon's party had gone off perfectly with me and Lucas heading it up. Mom was doing better, Mom had even had supper at her place the week before.

It had been great to have a Shepherd family dinner at the house, even if the entire time people were asking Meredith if she were okay. Meredith had been excited then, and had fielded the questions beautifullly. Now, though, talking to Mer was basically guaranteeing being yelled at. Dill was actually thankful to go to school in the morning, if only because Meredith could only yell at me, not him

I avoided her, I was avoiding her like the plague, which wasn't all that easy in our too tiny house. But I tried my best to stay out of her way, because the excitement of a week before had turned into annoyance. Because she was sick of feeling like a beach ball. She was sick of wadling around. Meredith was sick of just about everything.

I spent more time fiddling with the heating and air conditioning as she complained about being too hot or too cold. Her feet hurt. Her back hurt. Our daughter was determined to torture and kill her before she was even born. I more or less tried to block whatever she said out, but she had even taken to making me sleep on the couch, and if I complained about the neck or back pain the next day, she shot me the kind of look that made me fear for my life.

No one had told me to be afraid of her by the time she hit this point, no one had warned me about this part of the pregnancy. And I wish they had, because I would had moved out. This was hell. I heard a small moan from the other room and wondered if I should go and check on it. "Mer?"

"What?" she snapped, sounding a little breathless.

"You okay?" I asked terrified. Because if she was okay she would kill me for asking.

"No, Derek, I'm not okay. I'm not okay because I'm nine million months pregnant. What kind of stupid question is that?"

"Sorry, Mer," I sighed. "I heard a moan and I was just...checking."

I didn't hear anything and then, "Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" I asked confused.

"They're ten minutes apart," she clarified as she came into the room, her hand on her back.

"We're in labour?" I asked my eyes wide open.

"No," she shook her head. "You. You are not in labour. You are definitely not in labour. Because you're back doesn't hurt. And you don't feel like you're being ripped from the inside out every ten minutes. I'm in labour, Derek. So no more of this we shit."

I smiled. Meredith was annoyed and adorable and about to give birth to our daughter. "We have to go."

"Not yet," she rolled her eyes, lowering herself onto the couch. "Addison would kill us if we paged her for contractions ten minutes apart. We're supposed to wait until they're five to seven minutes apart. Or until my water breaks."

"Okay," I nodded. "The bag, we need to grab the bag. And Dillon, we have to tell Lucas to pick him up."

"Then go grab the bag," she sighed. "And call Lucas. Just...leave me alone and don't hover. I will kill you if you hover."

"I love you," I smiled at her like she was a big gift on Christmas. I couldn't help it, even if she was annoyed. I jumped off the couch and ran up the stairs to grab the bag we had packed a couple of weeks ago.

I quickly dialed Lucas's number, a big stupid grin on my face. My daughter was coming. My Meggie would be here soon. It was finally happening. I paused for a second, my heart suddenly pounding in my ears. I was going to be a father soon. I would be responsible for a new human life in just a few hours. And suddenly, I couldn't breathe. "Derek!" I heard Mer cry from the other room.

Listening to the ringing on the other end I headed to the room where Meredith was. "Yes?"

"It hurts," she moaned as she doubled over, reaching for my hand.

"I know," I said, letting her grib my hand, trying not to wince at the pain. Apparently even though she was tiny the pain gave her a stronger grip.

"Kelley," Lucas suddenly answered.

"It's me," I answered. "Mer's in labour, can you get Dill at school?"

"Yeah," he said quickly. "How far apart are the contractions? Do I need to tell Addison you guys are on your way?"

"10 minutes, so we'll be headed that was soon," I answered.

"Good luck," he said. "I have a bypass surgery I need to do, but call me when Meg's born. Dill will want to be the first to see his little sister."

"We will," I nodded, hanging up the phone. "Where are we, Mer?"

"In our living room," she snapped as she stood up, starting to walk around.

"Your funny," I laughed. "Contractions...how far apart?"

"Still ten minutes," she sighed. "God, she's going to take her time isn't she? She's going to take her blessed time while I'm in pain and..." There was suddenly a splash of water and Meredith looked down. "Der..."

"It's okay, Mer," I smiled. "Let's get going."

"Why the hell are you smiling?" she asked as I helped her out to the car. "What is so great about this?"

"I'm going to be a daddy," I laughed. "Megan's coming."

"Yes she is," Meredith sighed. "Finally."

"You're happy, right?" I asked, squeezing her hand.

"Yeah," she nodded, a smile playing on her lips. "I am happy, Der, it's just...labour isn't exactly a picnic in the park. It hurts. And it's not fun."

"I know," I laughed. "I wish I could do something to help."

"Hand," she suddenly said, squeezing my hand tightly as she groaned. "Ow. Ow. Ow."

"We're almost there," I reassured her.

"Call Addison," she said through clenched teeth. "And tell her eight minutes apart now."

I nodded quickly, flipping open my phone and dialing her number. This was good, this was great, this was perfect. And this was bad and scary and terrifying. Meredith was in labour, our daughter was coming. We definitely weren't ready for this.

"Montgomery," Addison's voice came over the phone, though she sounded a little breathless herself.

"Mer's in labour," I gasped not bothering to say hello.

"What?" she asked, and I could hear the sound of a hand smacking bare skin.

"Meredith. Labour. 8 minutes apart," I breathed.

"Okay, okay," I heard her say, sounding muffled a little. And then possibly Mark's voice in the background. "Meredith's in labor," she whispered and then more loudly to me, "Has her water broken?"

"All over the living room floor," I answered.

"What's your ETA?"

"About four minutes," I told her.

"I'll send Mark down with a wheel chair," she stated. "See you in four."

"Thanks," I breathed, hanging up the phone and looking over at Meredith who's face was scrunched up in pain. "Breathe, Mer."

"I'm trying," she sighed as she gripped my hand. "God, Derek, we're not ready. We really are not ready for this. Not at all."

"Yes we are," I nodded my head, even though I had had the same thought minutes before.

"Are you sure?" she stared at me. "I mean, a baby. This is a baby, Derek. She's going to need things. And she won't sleep through the night and she'll cry and keep you up and you have to be a surgeon."

"Meredith, we will be fine," I said. "We can do this."

We pulled up to the hospital where Mark was standing outside with a wheelchair, his hair all over the place and a frown on his face. "Haven't had sex in two days," he mumbled as he came towards us. "Oh, baby! Babies have to be born. Stupid babies." He stopped. "Hey, guys. What brings you here to Seattle Grace Hospital?"

"You're an idiot," I groaned, helping Meredith into the wheelchair. "I heard you, I know you know why we're here."

"You don't think you could have waited a little longer?" Mark stared at Meredith. "An hour at least?"

"Oh yes," Meredith breathed, wincing in pain. "I asked for this."

"Should I call the family?" Mark asked me as Meredith grasped my hand, squeezing so tightly I let out a small whimper.

"Call Mom," I nodded. "But wait on the sisters. They'll all want to be here, and we don't need them all right now. Wait until Megan's here."

"You realize they're going to kill you if you make them wait?" he stared at me. "I mean, this could take hours. And Mom's probably going to call the entire damn world anyway."

"Fine," I groaned. "Call the family. But they are waiting in the waiting room."

"You better believe they are," Meredith gasped. "No one is video taping my vagina."

"It will be just us in there," I soothed her.

"Seven minutes," she sighed as she leaned her forehead against my hand. "I'm getting drugs, I just want you to know that. You don't have say in this."

My hand was already sore from all the squeezing she had been doing. My 2 million dollar a year, soon to get a raise hand was nearly broken. "I support the drugs."

"Yesterday you were saying you read an article about natural child birth and how great it was," she stared at me. "What's changed now?"

"I don't like seeing you in pain," I partially lied. Only partially. Seeing Meredith's face scrunched up in pain wasn't the most pleasant experience. It ranked slightly below getting my hand squeezed in her vice like grip.

"Hello, Shepherds," Addison greeted us as the elevator doors opened. "How are we doing? Ready to have Megan?"

I smiled at the use of just my last name. "Yes. Please. Make this fast," I pleaded.

Addison laughed as she wheeled Meredith into a room. "Megan's in control of how fast this goes," she smiled. "How far apart are the contractions?"

"Seven minutes," I answered for Meredith as she winced along with another contraction.

"Breathe, Meredith," Addison coached softly as she rubbed Mer's back. "Breathe through it."

"Drugs, Addison, I need drugs," Meredith pleaded.

"Let's examine you first," Addison said soothingly. "Sometimes labor progresses so quickly the drugs just aren't possible. And this is your second pregnancy, labor should go much faster."

Meredith looked up at me, a pleading terror in her eyes. "It's okay, Mer," I whispered.

"Derek, go help her into her gown," Addison handed me the gown. "And please keep your hands to yourself."

"Addison, she's in labour, I have some self control," I said, shaking my head.

"Of course you do," she nodded. "Now go. Meredith, your labour with Dillon was seven hours, correct?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded.

"Usually labor is cut down by half with the second child," she said as I helped Meredith towards the bathroom. "So we could be talking another three or four hours before Megan is born."

"That's too long," Meredith moaned leaning against me.

"It's okay, Mer," I whispered, rubbing her back. "We're going to be fine."

"You try to push a bowling ball out of your va-jay-jay and then you can tell me that," Meredith sighed.

"Va jay jay?" I chuckled a little as I pulled her maternity shirt over her head.

"Now is not the time you want to be mocking me, Shepherd," she warned.

"I love you," I whispered suddenly, ducking my head down to kiss her quickly.

"I..." she started. "Hand."

"Mer, uh," I said as she squeezed my hand, harder this time, "I know you're in a lot of pain right now but my hand makes me about two million dollars a year. So if you could try really hard not to break it or injure it, that would be good."

Her eyes immediately met mind. And narrowed. "You and your stupid boy penis might have considered that about nine months ago."

"My stupid boy...what?" I asked as she squeezed my hand even harder. "Mer, hurting."

"Penis!" she hissed, sounding a little breathless. "And the day you deliver a baby you can teach me something about hurting."

"Okay, okay, sorry," I said quickly as I pulled my hand away, rubbing it as I helped her into the gown.

"Der..." she sighed. "I don't hate you. I hate you right now, but generally speaking, I don't hate you."

"Good to know," I smiled as I pushed her hair away from her face. "We're going to be parents, Mer."

She nodded slightly as she let her body fall against mine. "This is actually happening."

"It is," I nodded carefully. "Princess Meggie is coming. Our little girl is coming. My princess."

"We need to get back out there before Addison starts thinking you're doing something you shouldn't be," Meredith sighed.

I laughed and led her back into the room, helping her into the bed and taking her hand again as Addison tied her surgical cap on. "Okay, Mer," she said, "I'm just going to see how dilated you are, and if you are at all effaced, all right?"

"Okay," Meredith nodded, squeezing my hand gently.

"All right," Addison said, "you look to be about five and a half centimeters dilated, which is very good and very hopeful. I don't think she'll take much longer, really."

"Thank god," Meredith sighed.

"I want you to move around, for now," Addison nodded, taking off her gloves. "Walk around the room, take a walk along the hallway. Don't worry about timing every contraction unless you feel something has changed. I'll be back in an hour to check on you."

"Thanks Addison," Meredith nodded.

Addison left the room and I turned to Meredith, giving her a big smile before leaning down to give her a kiss. "I love you," I said for the third or forth time. "I love you and you look beautiful right now."

"I look beautiful in a hospital gown in mid-labour?" she asked me, looking rather skeptical.

"Definitely," I nodded, sweeping her hair off her forehead. "Do you feel up to taking a walk?"

"Not really, but if it's going to make this faster," Meredith groaned.

I nodded and helped her off the bed, rubbing her back a little. "Room or hallway?"

"Room," she answered.

"Okay," I nodded, grasping her hand as we walked around in a comfortable silence, stopping as Mer had another contraction, her hands grabbing onto my shirt as I rubbed her back. "It's okay, Mer. You're okay. Breathe. Just breathe."

"You're a lot better at this then Izzie was," she giggled as her contraction passed.

"Really?" I grinned a little, I liked being complimented by the woman who had been close to killing me just a few hours earlier.

"I still hate you, but I'm glad your hear," she admitted quietly.

"Thanks, Mer," I laughed as we resumed our walking. "You okay? Need anything? Ice chips or something?"

She shook her head quicky. "I'm find right now."

"You sure?" I asked, rubbing her back.

"Ice chips might be nice," she relented.

"Right," I nodded. "Ice chips. Will you be okay by yourself? Or should I send Mark in?"

"I'll be fine," she smiled slightly.

"I'll send Mark in," I nodded as I ran out of the room, leaving her to walk by herself.

"Mark, I'm running to get ice chips, can you keep an eye on her?" I asked him, slightly surprised to see him pacing outside.

"Uh...yeah," he nodded and then grabbed my arm. "There's not actual baby coming out, is there? Because it's gross and I don't think I should be looking at my best friend's fiancee's...you know."

"Addison has her walking for an hour, you're safe," I laughed.

"Thank God," he sighed. "Mom's on her way. She wanted me to tell you to not be an ass and to remember that she's in more pain than you'll ever be able to imagine."

"What? Why would I be an ass?" I asked, confused.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Mark shrugged. "I don't do the baby thing."

"You will eventually," I shrugged.

"Never man," he shook his head. "Addison doesn't know it yet but kids are toxic. It's hard enough dealing with the brats that you Shepherds keep pushing out."

I laughed and slapped him on the back. "You're last name might be Sloan but you're just as much a Shepherd as the rest of us. Now go watch the newest two, I have ice to get."

I watched as Mark went into Meredith's room and then set about to get the ice chips, moving the muscles of my hand, trying to assess the damage. Maybe I would get Dr. Torres to check it out after Megan was born, because it definitely hurt. I had never even thought that my tiny Meredith could inflict so much pain. But then, my tiny little Meredith was giving birth to my daughter, my little girl.

I was going to be a dad, an actual real dad. I had been one for months now, I loved Dillon as much as I would love all of my own children, but this still...this felt real. Meredith was going to give birth to a tiny little person that was a combination of her and me. A tiny little person that had started one night on the kitchen counter of all places. I was going to be a read dad, someone was going to have my name.  
And suddenly, my injured hand started shaking a little. I was going to be a dad. Someone was going to depend totally on me for everything. Dillon could get up by himself in the morning and pour himself a bowl of cereal. He dressed himself, didn't need me to change his sheets or diapers. I had come in after he had learned all that. But my little girl would need me for everything.

Scary words ran through my head. Stuff about the first five years being the most important, the most formative. I had missed Dillon's first five years, but I wouldn't this time. This time there's be a little girl depending on me to help her figure out who she was. When up until just under a year ago, when I had walked into that bar and seen Meredith, I had had no idea of who I was.

I wasn't sure I could do this. I wasn't sure I could wake up in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure I could even hold a baby properly. I had nine nieces and five nephews, but they were usually deposited in my arms for five or ten minutes, tops. Never for long periods of time. I would be depended on to take care of a little life and I didn't know the first thing about how to do that. I saved lives every day, but actually taking care of a life, actually forming life? I was lost.

Meredith knew. She was scared, she was terrified, but she knew what she was doing. She had done it before, she had done it perfectly the first time, and ended up with Dillon. Meredith knew. So it was up to me not to screw up Megan, not to be the one to drop the ball. I was going to be chief, and there was going to be Dillon and a newborn and a wedding to start planning. It was so much.

"Derek?" my mother's soft voice pulled me out of my slight panic, my hands still shaking and my breathing a little labored. Great, I was having an anxiety attack while my fiancee was in labour.

"Mom," I breathed. "You didn't have to come."

"Of course I had to come," she smiled lightly. "It's my grandbaby. Are you all right?"

"No," I shook my head. "I have no idea how to do any of this. I don't know how to be a dad."

"Derek," she smiled softly, leading me to a chair and sitting down, "you've been Dillon's dad for almost a year now. And he worships the ground you walk on. You're wonderful with him."

"But Dillon doesn't need me," I sighed. "He doesn't depend on me. He can do things. He was him before he met me. Megan...Megan is just a baby."

She gripped my hand softly, and I avoided wincing. "What do you remember about your father, Derek?"

"Not much," I shook my head sadly. "He laughed a lot. And liked fishing and pancakes. I remember falling asleep on his lap watching hockey games. And hearing about his surgeries."

"He loved you and your sisters," she told me. "And most of the time, he had no idea what he was doing. Neither did I. But he loved you. That's all it takes, Derek. And you already have so much love for that little girl, everything else will fall into place."

"I just...Mer did such an amazing job with Dillon. I don't want to mess this up for her," I sighed.

"You won't," she squeezed my hand again. "Meredith learned. By trial and error. It's the most any parent can do. You'll be fine, Derek. When you hold her in your arms for the first time, it will all make sense. All of it."

"Thanks, Mom," I nodded, giving her a quick hug. "I should probably get back in there."

"You should," she nodded. "Your father would be very proud of you, Derek. I know I tell you that all the time, but I think today he's definitely here."

"I like to think so," I smiled.

"Good," she nodded. "Now go. And don't complain about your hand, Derek. She's hurting much worse than you."

"My hand is going to put the 5 kids she seems to want through college," I moaned.

"Five kids?" Mom laughed. "She didn't say that today, did she? Because I told your father after you that if he wanted more kids he could have them himself."

I laughed. "No we came up with the number a couple of months ago, the night we found out you were better. She wants three more."

"Ask her now," Mom shook her head. "She'll tell you she doesn't want anymore kids at all. Ever."

"I'm definitely not asking her," I shook my head. "Because knowing Mer she'd expect me to stick to that. And I want three more.""Then no complaining about your hand," she smiled. "Now go, Derek. She needs you."

I smiled at my mom and headed back to the room to find Meredith mid contraction and Mark looking completely lost. "Mer, it's okay, I'm here," I breathed calmly running up to take her hand. "Breathe."

"Thank God," Mark groaned as he rubbed his hand. "She has one hell of a grip. I won't be able to perform surgeries for a week."

"Mark!" I exclaimed. "She's giving birth to a sizeable human being, pushing a large object through a small hole. Show some sympathy."

"My hand is broken, Shep!" he held up his hand, which he was holding like a claw. "I am a surgeon. I make nearly two million dollars a year making people pretty. And my hand is broken."

"Toughen up, Sloan," I laughed kissing Meredith's head quickly.

"My hand," he muttered as he left the room. "Broken."

"Sorry it took me a while, Mom just got here," I explained to Meredith, gently dabbing away some sweat that had formed at her brow with a cloth.

"It's fine," Meredith panted. "They hurt, Derek. Megan needs to come, now."

"She's on her way," I encouraged. "Addie should be back to check soon."

"Mark says he's Megan's godfather," she said as she took to walking again, trying her hardest to keep moving.

"If that's okay with you," I said.

"I don't know," she shook her head. "He told me toughen up...at least, I think that's what he said."

"Mark's an ass," I laughed. "But you know how he is around kids, you've seen him with Dill. He stops being Mark."

"That's true," she nodded. "But you realize Cristina wants to be her godmother?"

"We can never die. We have to wait till all of our children are at least 18 to even think of dying," I answered seriously.

"Very true," she giggled and then grabbed my hand. "This is going so much faster this time," she said through clenched teeth. "Four minutes now."

"Should I page Addison?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head. "Really, I'm fine. She'll be in here soon anyway."

"If you're sure," I nodded.

"How's it going?" Addison asked, almost on cue as she came into the room.

"The contractions are four minutes apart now," Meredith panted. "And getting more intense."

"Let's check you out then," Addison said as I helped Meredith back onto the bed and Addison began her exam. "Progressing nicely, Mer. Seven and a half centimeters dilated. But don't get too excited just yet, some moms reach this point and then it takes another three or four hours to get to the pushing point. Either way, I want you in bed now, all right?"

"Bed, I can do bed," Meredith nodded.

"We're going to hook you up to a fetal monitor," Addison said. "Just to make sure Megan is doing okay as the labour progresses. Derek, do you remember how these work?"

"A little," I shrugged.

"Keep an eye out," Addison ordered. "Tell me if the baby's heart beat gets too low, all right? I don't think it will, but it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Okay," I nodded, feeling a little nervous.

"Everything's fine," she assured us, patting Meredith's arm.

"I just want this to be over with," Meredith moaned.

"It will be in the next couple of hours," Addison smiled encouraginly. "You're doing great, Meredith. Moving very quickly. Had you been in labor before you told Derek and just didn't think to say anything?"

"Ummm..." she cleared her throat. "He's Derek, Addison. He would have done exactly what he did, which was want to rush immediatetly to the hospital. I didn't see a point of telling him until I actually needed the hospital."

Addison laughed. "You have a point, Meredith. And thank you for waiting. There would have been no point, you're right. I'll be back in thirty minutes unless you feel any major changes. Derek will page me if you do, okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks again, Addie."

"No problem," she smiled and then walked out.

"You didn't tell me?" I asked turning to Meredith.

"Derek," she sighed, "we can fight about this later, right now, we have more important things to worry about."

I frowned. "I'm the father, you should have told me."

"Derek," she groaned and then grabbed my hand, squeezing it tighter than ever before. "Ow...damn it."

"Breath, Mer, beathe," I whispered, trying not to wince at her grip. I wasn't sure where the strength was coming from on such a tiny body.

It went the same way for the next two hours, Meredith squeezing my hand as the contractions intensified, and me trying to find a way to make her a little more comfortable, though it seemed mostly impossible. Addie had predicted our situation correctly. It took Mer an hour and a half to get to eight and a half centimers, and by the time Addie came in again, Mer didn't seem to have a second's rest between contractions.

"Please tell me she's nearly there," I begged, not wanting to complain about the complete lack of feeling in my hand.

Meredith grasped my hand tightly as she said through clenched teeth. "I have to push, Addison. Please let me push. I have to push."

Addison looked at us and smiled. "Actually, things are looking perfect. It's time, Meredith."

"Thank God," Meredith panted as they started getting the room ready for the arrival of our baby girl.

"You've been amazing," I whispered, ignoring the activity around us.

"God, this hurts," she sighed into my shoulder as yet another contraction came over her. "I need to push now. Right now."

"Give it a second, Mer. They just have to get things ready and then you can push all you want," I assured her.

"Addison," Meredith pleaded, "please."

"Just as impatient as Derek," Addison laughed, positioning herself at the bottom of the table. "Okay, Meredith, push."


	56. Chapter 56

I remember in college, I was dating a girl who firmly believed in love at first sight. She thought it was entirely possible that you could look at someone and fall completely in love with them at that moment. I had never completely bought it. Even with Mer, I knew I needed to know her, but the love didn't come immediately. It took time. Not much time, but time all the same. Love at first sight just didn't seem possible to me. And then I saw my daughter, bright red and screaming at the top of her lungs. She was perfect, she was everything. And I loved her, completely totally immediately I loved her. She was everything I had dreamed of. Her hair was dark like mine, her eyes a piercing blue. She was tiny. She had ten fingers and ten toes. And she was perfect.

From the second Addison beckoned me to cut the umbilical cord, I couldn't imagine loving anyone more than my little girl. She was covered in blood, but she was perfect, absolutely beautiful. I kissed Meredith quickly on the forehead and then rushed over as I watched the nurses clean her off, as she cried and kicked her feet in the air. She was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. And now she was in my arms, wrapped in a tiny pink blanket, resting gently against me. No one else had held her yet, I didn't want to let her go. She was my princess, more than I could even imagine. And I wasn't letting her go. Ever. My princess had finally come, and nothing was ever going to be the same again. But that was okay.

"Derek," Meredith smiled from the bed, where she looked beautiful. Exhausted, sweaty. But beautiful.

I smiled back at her, ignoring the feeling of tears in my eyes. I moved from my spot and slid onto the bed beside her. "Mer..." I whispered.

"She's beautiful," her thin fingers pulled back the blanket to look at Megan, who was alert and happy. Even Addison had said Meggie was the most alert baby she'd ever seen.

"She's perfect," I whispered.

"Do I get to hold her?" Meredith giggled.

"Eventually," I laughed quietly. "When she wants food."

"Derek, she's my daughter too," she pouted. "I went through hours of labour and I haven't even gotten to hold her."

"Meredith, I'm not sharing. Not right now," I shook my head.

"It isn't about sharing," Meredith sighed. "She's not your toy, Derek. She's our daughter. Who I just pushed out of me."

"But she's my princess," I breathed.

"And what thanks do I get?" Meredith stared at me. "Seriously, Derek. I just pushed her out of me. Lots of pain. And what thanks do I get? I don't even get to hold her? Seriously?"

"Mer," I laughed. "Calm down, I'm not stealing her away. Here," I sighed, shifting Megan into her arms and moving to hold Meredith in mine.

"Hi, Megan," Meredith whispered, running her finger along our daughter's cheek.

"I love you," I whispered in Meredith's ear.

"I love you too," she whispered back. "She looks like you."

I nodded, feeling a tear run down my cheek. "She has your mouth though."

"And my nose," Meredith laughed. "Thank God."

I laughed and pulled her closer, burying my face in her hair, hoping she wouldn't notice the tears that streaked down my face. "I love her."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "This...you...unconditional love. Your heart just bursts."

"I didn't...I didn't know it would feel like this," I shook my head.

"I had forgotten," she sighed, and I realized she was crying too. "I had forgotten it felt like this."

"This is everything I have ever wanted," I whispered. "I...before you, I thought of settling for someone I could stand, just to have a family. But now, god, I'm so grateful I didn't."

She nodded as Meggie reached her hand out of her blanket, stretching and yawning. "I'm glad you didn't either," Meredith whispered.

"Want another one?" I laughed, kissing her neck.

She giggled. "Not yet," she replied, turning to kiss my lips, gently. "Not for a while yet. Remember, no more kids until we're married."

"Accidents happen," I told her, winking.

"Not anymore they don't," she giggled. "We're going to start using C-O-N-D-O-M-S. All the time. Every single time."

"You say that now, but Ms. Grey I think you are forgetting you can't keep your hands off me," I smiled.

"Mrs. Shepherd," she whispered as she kissed Meggie's dark hair.

"Mrs. Shepherd," I corrected myself.

She smiled slightly and reached up to wipe the tears from her face. "I think there are other people who want to meet Meggie. Especially her big brother."

"Just Dillon at first," I smiled. "Not everyone else, just Dillon. I'll go get him."

"Okay," she nodded. "Derek."

"Yeah?" I asked, slipping off the bed.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "For this. For...you know...this."

"This is my life," I shrugged, heading out of the room to find my son.

"Derek!" Mark and my mom saw me first and they both came running up to me.

"Where's Dill?" I asked, not bothering saying anything more.

"Lucas has him," my mom replied. "They're in the waiting room. How is she? Who does she look like? Is Meredith doing all right?"

"She perfect," I sighed. "She looks like me but with Mer's nose. And Meredith is...perfect. I'm going to take Dill to see her. And then you guys can come in."

"Daddy Derek!" Dillon came running up to me, Sam in one arm and the teddy bear he had made for his sister in the other. "Is she here? Daddy said Megan was coming!"

"Megan's here," I smiled. "Want to go say hi?"

"Yeah," he nodded excitedly. "Is she ready to play with me?"

"She's too small for that still," I explained laughing.

"Did she come early?" he asked as I picked him up.

"No, she's a week late. But babies are small when they first come," I smiled.

We went into the room where Meredith was still holding Megan close, still staring at her tiny features. "Hey, Dill," she smiled softly.

"Dill, that's your sister Megan," I whispered to the boy that was in my arms.

He peeked under the blankets and then looked at me and Meredith, a confused expression on his face. "That's her?" he asked.

"Yes Dill, that's her," Meredith giggled.

He frowned. "I think you should put her back in your tummy, Mom. She's still too small."

I laughed and hugged him tightly. "Bud, babies are always that small. You saw the pictures of you."

"Yeah," he nodded and then looked inside the blanket again. "Hi, Megan. I'm Dillon Grey. And I'm seven. This is Sam. He's seven too. He's a bear. And this is Sammie, she's only a baby, like you."

Megan garbled sounding happy as she reached out and lightly hit Dillon's nose. "I think that's her way of saying hi," I laughed.

"She shouldn't hit," Dillon shook his head. "Megan, I'm your big brother. You can't hit me. You gotta listen to me."

"Babies sometimes hit," Meredith answered. "They can't talk. And they're too tiny to know right or wrong, so they sometimes hit."

"When's she gonna talk?" he asked. "Megan, say my name. Say Dillon."

"She's not going to talk for a long time, Dill," I laughed.

"Oh," he frowned and then shrugged. "Okay. You can take her back now."

"Dillon, she can't go back. She's part of our family now," Meredith explained.

"She's kinda boring," he sighed.

"She might be right now," I nodded. "But when she gets a little bigger she's going to be a lot of fun, and she's going to need her big brother to play with."

"How come she doesn't look like me?" he asked as he stared at her, his chin in his hand.

"Because you don't have the same Daddy," I explained. "Megan looks a lot like me."

"Yeah," he nodded. "She has brown hair and I have blond hair. But her eyes are blue, like mine!"

"They are," I nodded. "And she has the same mouth as you and Mommy."

"She does?" he asked as he bent down to look at her mouth. "It just looks like a mouth to me."

Meredith giggled. "It looks just like yours."

"Can I give her Sammie?" he asked. "Even though I think Sammie's bigger than her! She won't be able to hold her!"

"Sam was bigger than you when you got him," Meredith nodded. "She'll love Sammie."

"Okay," he said. "Megan, this is Sammie. She's your sister. Just like I'm your brother. And Sam's your brother. She'll make sure the monsters stay away unless they're in your closet. Then you gotta get Daddy Derek to spray them for you."

"I'm just Daddy to her," I sighed happily. I adored being Daddy Derek, but now there was someone who would just call me Daddy.

"Why?" he asked. "Does that mean my daddy will be Daddy Lucas to her?"

"Nope, Meggie only has one daddy," I answered.

"Oh," he frowned. "Sorry, Meggie. Two daddies is a lot cooler. Cause then when one says no, the other one says yes and you get whatever you want!"

"Dillon!" Meredith laughed.

"What?" he giggled. "It's true!"

"Not anymore," I shook my head laughing. "Lucas and I aren't going to let you get away with that one, bud."

"Shit," he muttered and then clapped his hand over his mouth. "Sorry!"

Meredith opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off. She didn't need to yell, not today. Today was happy. "Mer, we've already talked about it. Blame it on a certain uncle."

She sighed and nodded carefully as Meggie started crying. "We need a new village," she sighed. "And I think this little one is hungry."

"I'll let you feed her," I said, kissing her forehead. "And I'll go talk to the family. I'll tell them they can come visit soon."

"Okay," she nodded, smiling at me. "Dill, say goodbye to your sister."

"Bye Meggie!" he smiled and waved.

We went out into the hallway where my entire family was now gathered, waiting anxiously for a glimpse of the princess. "Derek," Kathleen sighed, her hands on her hips, "are we ever going to meet my new niece?"

"Mer's feeding her right now," I answered. "You can all go in when she's done."

"What does she look like?" Mark asked. "I hope she doesn't have your ugly mug, Shep."

"She looks like me," I laughed. "But with Mer's nose."

"Thank God for that," Mark laughed. "I was worried I'd have to do a rhinoplasty on your daughter."

"I like my nose," I pouted.

"It's a wonderful nose, dear," my mother soothed. "But we want details. How much did she weigh? How big is she? Is she a happy baby? Healthy?"

"Seven pounds, twenty one inches. And she's happy. She's really happy. And healthy. And perfect," I nodded.

"How's Mer doing?" Nancy asked. "Have the hormones gotten the best of her yet? Addison said the labor wasn't long."

"She's good. Happy. Tired. Beautiful," I sighed.

"Vomit," Mark and Cristina both said at the same time.

"Oh shush you two," my mom chided them. "He's happy. Let him be happy."

"I bet she's beautiful," Izzie sighed happily. "Dillon was the cutest baby."

"She's gorgeous," I breathed.

"Hi everyone," Addison smiled as she came up to us, out of her scrubs and into a black dress. "Have you all met Megan yet?"

"No, they're not sharing," Mark pouted as he gave his girlfriend a quick kiss hello.

"She's not a toy, Mark," she laughed as she accepted the kiss. "And she's absolutely beautiful. And so alert and happy."

I smiled proudly. "I swear, the second she's done feeding her you can all go in."

"Is she trying to feed her?" Addison asked, walking towards Meredith's room. "Most of the time, babies don't take well to the first feeding. Mer might get frustrated."

"Addie," I said grabbing her arm. "Before you go in I have to talk to you about something."

"What?" she asked, leading me away from the family. "Is everything okay?"

I cleared my throat. "When you said six weeks, did you mean six weeks? Or did you mean four or five weeks, but six for the safety."

"Derek," she sighed.

"Six weeks actually means five weeks and six days?" I sighed. "Because, god, she looks beautiful. She looks amazing. She looks perfect, and I love her and it's been a damn long time."

"Derek, you do realize she just pushed a twenty one inch, seven pound person out of her, right?" Addison looked at me, her hands on her hips. "Do you really think sex would be even remotely comfortable to her after four weeks?"

"I'm hopeful," I winced.

"Six weeks, Derek," she said firmly. "Maybe longer. It's going to depend on how she feels. When the bleeding stops. How comfortable she's feeling. How tired she is. How hormonal she still is. You're going to have an infant at home. Who is going to stay up all night and cry. I'm saying six weeks but there is a possibility it could be longer."

"Longer?" My jaw had dropped open. I loved Meredith, I loved my daughter, but I also loved sex.

"Yes, longer," she nodded. "And you're not going to pressure her into it, Derek Shepherd. You were a teenage boy once. You remember how you relieved sexual tension then, don't you?'

"Are you serious? I'm 40 years old...and in love. We...people...I don't do that," I shook my head.

"Derek," she stared me down, looking frighteningly like my mother. "If I hear that you even asked Meredith for sex before she was ready, I'm going to extend it to eight weeks, understood?"

"What if she asks?" I asked. "Because I'm pretty desirable, and well, she can't usually keep her hands off me."

"She just gave birth to your baby," Addison replied. "She's going to be hormonal and sore and Megan is going to keep her up all night. Trust me, she won't be asking."

"But if she does?" I asked hopefully.

"She won't," Addison stated firmly.

"I hate you, you get that right?" I asked walking away.

"Stop acting like a horny teenager, Derek," she sighed as she walked towards Meredith's room. I wasn't being a horny teenager. I was being a man in love who hadn't been able to act on that love in a real long time and was feeling ever so slightly impatient. Because she was my Meredith and I wanted her. It had nothing to do with being a horny teenager.

"You look like someone skinned your puppy, Shepherd," Alex Karev laughed as I came back to the group.

"Addison's an evil woman," I sighed.

"That's my future..." Mark trailed off and coughed slightly. "That's my girlfriend you're talking about there, Shep. So watch it."

"Future wife! You were going to say future wife!" Erin exclaimed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Mark stated, shaking his head. "I don't marry chicks. I do them."

"Let's not talk about doing chicks," I groaned not wanting to think about all the sex other men were getting.

"Mark, is there something you'd like to tell the family?" Mom smiled. "Something to add to this very happy day?"

"No, Mom," Mark shook his head, groaning slightly. "This is all Derek, Meredith and Megan's day. Can we see her yet? Because this is boring."

"Markie's in love!" Kathleen shrieked.

"Derek. Meredith. Megan. Remember?" Mark said.

"But we can't see her yet," Leah sighed. "Have you proposed? Or are you just thinking about it? Because she's really great, Mark. We all love her."

Mark gave Leah a quick dirty look before turning to me. "Did you talk to Meredith about me being the god father?"

"You don't get to duck from this!" Erin shook her head. "You really love her! I can't believe it!"

Mark out right groaned. "Derek, your daughter has to eat faster."

"What's going on out here?" Addison asked as she stepped out of Meredith's room.

Mark jumped up immediately, terror in his eyes. I knew that terror, that had been me months ago. "Megan! Can we see Megan?" he asked.

"Yeah," Addison nodded, looking a little confused. "Mer's having a hard time feeding her, we'll try again later."

"That's normal, right?" I asked, walking closer to the room, wanting to get back to my family.

"Yes," Addison nodded. "Very normal. She's fine. And healthy. But Mer's getting a little emotional so let's limit this visit. Not very long, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded, heading into the room, knowing that everyone would follow me. I kissed Meredith quickly and leaned forward to kiss Megan. "Everything okay?"

"She won't eat," Meredith sighed, tears in her eyes.

"It's okay," I sighed sinking onto the bed beside her. "It's normal. She'll eat."

"She hates me," Meredith whimpered.

"What? She's not even a day old, she can't hate you," I laughed.

"She loves you more."

"Meredith, she's a baby, she doesn't love either of us more," I shook my head.

She just shook her head and looked up at everyone in the room, all of whom were standing very quietly. "Hi, guys."

"Hey Meredith," Nancy smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Meredith shrugged a little dejectedly. "Exhausted."

"It's to be expected," Nancy smiled.

"Derek," Meredith sighed, "will you take her for a bit?"

Mom came forward and gently stroked Megan's cheek, smiling up at me. "She looks exactly like you did when you were born."

"Do you want to hold her?" I offered.

"What a silly question," she laughed as she took Megan out of my arms, cradling her gently. "Of course I want to see my beautiful grand daughter. Hello, Megan. Hello. You are the prettiest baby, aren't you? So pretty."

"Thanks Mom," Meredith smiled, as I walked over to sit on the bed beside her, watching my mom hold my daughter.

Maybe it was the excitement of the day, or maybe it was just the sheer exhaustion of the whirlwind that had been the last nine months, but as I watched my mother hold my little girl, my first child, the little baby was apart of me, I couldn't help the tears that began to fall. I couldn't help wrapping my arms tightly around Meredith as my daughter cooed gently from her blanket. I couldn't help crying as I realized how perfect my life really and truly had become.

_"The secret of the world is written in the stars, I'm carrying your heart in mine."_


	57. Chapter 57

**Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's Anatomy Patrick and Jill would never see their sons as we'd be taking them everywhere with us, because they're just that cute. Not that we're suprised...when you're dad looks like that, it goes without saying you're going to be cute.**

The last eight weeks had flown by. Flown. I hadn't even really realized they were passing. They were full of diapers and burping and paths and feedings and waking up in the middle of the night. I had no idea it was going to be like this. No idea at all. It was kind of perfect. Kind of amazing. And really damn tiring. Time flew so fast I barely noticed, except for I did. God, I did.

Whenever we did get sleep, I would fall down next to Meredith and pull her into my arms, and almost immediately be aroused. It was ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. Even watching her up late at night feeding Megan turned me on. And I loved my daughter. I loved her. I loved holding her. I loved singing softly to her. I loved the way she stared at me, her blue eyes wide. But it had been six months. And now it was time. Time to take our vacation to the bed and breakfast.

"Meredith!" I yelled up the stairs. "Come on!"

"Hold on!" she called back. "I think she has a fever, I really do, Der. She feels warm."

"Meredith, we're leaving her with a bunch of doctors, she'll be fine," I sighed, even as I moved to run up the stairs.

"Derek, it would be her first cold," she sighed. "Or what if it's more serious?" She came out of the nursery we had just moved Megan into, holding our dark haired daughter tightly in her arms.

I reached over and placed my hand on Megan's cheek. "She feels fine to me, Mer."

"Are you sure?" she put her hand over mine. "Her breathing sounds a little off. Does she sound congested?"

"She sounds fine, Mer," I sighed.

"Who is staying with them tonight?" she asked.

"Mark and Addison," I smiled.

"Okay," she sighed. "Tell them to keep an eye on her. Meggie, be good for Uncle Mark and Aunt Addie, okay? Dill!"

"Of course they're going to keep an eye on her," I laughed, grabbing Megan from Meredith's arms to carry her back to her room.

"Yeah, Mom!" Dillon came running in. He had grown up so quickly in the past two months, Sam was starting to fade into the background as Dill spent all of his time helping with Megan, who he absolutely adored.

"Daddy Derek and I are nearly ready to leave," Meredith explained.

"Okay," he nodded. "You'll be back Sunday, right?"

"Yep," I smiled. "And you'll help with Megan while we're gone, right?"

"Yeah!" he nodded. "Give her her bottle and read her bedtime stories, and spray the monsters in her room."

"Exactly. Good job, bud!" I smiled, reaching out my free hand for him to give me five.

"Hello!" Mark's voice came from downstairs. "Anybody home?"

"We're up here!" I shouted. "We'll be done in a second."

"Let me see her," Addison grinned, already coming upstairs. "Let me see my beautiful little niece!"

"I haven't even said goodbye yet," I groaned, holding my daughter tighter.

"Hey Meg!" Mark grinned as he placed his hand gently on her forehead. "Will you guys be back in time for Shepherd family dinner?"

"We might," Meredith answered. "Depends on how early we leave."

"She looks so adorable!" Addison grinned. "Come on, Derek, let me hold her!"

"You can hold her all weekend," I sighed. "I haven't said goodbye."

"So say goodbye," Mark rolled his eyes. "God, you're such a girl, Shep."

"Wait until you have one Sloan," I laughed.

"Ix-nay on the abies-bay," he shook his head. "You'll give her ideas."

"Mark, I deliver babies for a living. Ideas basically come with the job," Addison laughed, reaching for Megan.

"Addison, do you think she looks okay?" Meredith sighed. "Derek says she's fine. But do you think she sounds congested?"

"She sounds fine Meredith," Addison smiled. "But I'll watch out if you want me to."

"Okay," Meredith sighed and then gave Dillon a hug. "Be good for Aunt Addie and Uncle Mark okay? And don't let Uncle Mark let you watch Plastic surgery nightmares again."

Dillon nodded, hugging Meredith tight. I leaned over and gave Megan a quick kiss, planning on giving her to Addison. But my lips felt a strange warmth. "Mer, you might be right."

"What?" Mer asked, turning from Dillon, her purse in her hands.

"She feels a little warm," I said, my hand moving to her cheek as my face scrunched up with concern.

"Derek," Addison sighed. "She's fine."

"You don't know that," I shook my head. "She could have a cold, or the flu. I was at the hospital the other day, I could have brought something home."

"Derek," Mark shook his head, "she looks good. Look at her, she's smiling."

"Mark, you're not a dad. You have no idea what you're talking about," I groaned. "Something could be wrong."

"Maybe we shouldn't go," Meredith sighed as she put her purse down. "This was a bad idea."

"It wasn't," I sighed, shaking my head. A weekend away together was a great idea...but..."Maybe we should just wait till she's a little older."

"No," Addison shook her head, handing Meredith her purse. "She's fine. And if she isn't, you have two of the best doctors in the country looking after her. Not to mention, your sisters. And Mom. And Cristina and Alex. She's fine. You two are going to enjoy your weekend away. Because even if you wait, you're just going to do this all over again."

"She's my princess, Addie. I can't just leave her if something's wrong," I argued.

Megan giggled from my arms at all the adults around and Addison smiled softly. "Look at her, Der. She looks fine. She's a happy baby. Nothing is the matter. Right, Meg?"

"Mer? What do you think?" I asked her.

Before Meredith could say anything, Mark stated, "Six months, Derek."

The words alone brought me back to all the nights of holding Meredith close with an erection that she couldn't do anything about. And even worse the stolen moments in the washroom where I took care of it myself. "We're going," I nodded. "But if she's sick, if she gets any worse you're calling us right away."

"Of course we are," Addison smiled. "Now let me have her, Derek."

"Goobye Princess Meggie," I whispered handing my daughter over.

She let out a small whimper and Meredith turned to me, panic on her face. "Did you hear that, Der? We really shouldn't go."

"It will be fine," I reassured her, even as the whimper tore at my hear. "She's just sad that her daddy's leaving."

"What about her mommy?" Meredith asked softly as she ran her fingers over Meggie's dark curls.

"She's okay with that," I laughed, pulling Meredith back slightly. "Come on, Mer."

"Are you sure?" she sighed. "Addison, are you sure she's okay?"

"Meredith, she's fine," Addison nodded. "And Derek might explode if he doesn't get sex soon. You probably want to go."

"What's sex?" Dillon asked.

"Something not for little guys," Addison laughed.

"Mer," Mark smiled at her, "you have to go. Please. For the sake of my sanity. All Derek does is bitch, bitch, bitch."

Meredith giggiled leaning against me. "He's been good."

"He has been," Addison nodded. "Now, go."

"Fine," Meredith nodded. "But you'll call?"

"Yes!" Mark and Addison both said. "Go!"

"We're going," I groaned, grabbing Meredith's hand and propelling us out the door before either of us could freak out again.

"Derek, I'm really not sure about this," Meredith whimpered for the fourth time after we were on the road. "I've never been away from her before."

"I know, Mer," I smiled. "I'm not sure either but god I want you."

She blushed a little. "Me too," she murmured, her hand resting on my upper thigh.

"Mer, we still have another hour, you might want to move that hand," I laughed.

"Hmm, why?" she whispered, scooting over to kiss my neck, her hand massaging the inside of my thigh.

"Driving," I said, my breath coming out harsh. It took nothing to get me arroused. Nothing at all.

"We could not be driving, you know," she moaned into my ear. "We could pull over and not be driving."

"Seriously?" I asked, my jeans feeling uncomfortably tight.

"Seriously," she bit my ear lobe as she began to unzip my jeans.

I pulled over immediately, so quickly it was a miracle we didn't crash. "If we get caught, you're paying the ticket."

"Definitely," she whispered as she took off her blouse, revealing a new red lacy bra and began kissing me frantically.

"God, Mer," I said, pulling her close as my hand traveled to the fly of her pants. I needed her naked. I needed her naked 6 months ago. Now I needed it even more.

She quickly undid my jeans, pulling me out quickly as she moaned against me. "Der, Der," she breathed into my ear, pushing me away.

"What?" I breathed, my chest heaving with desire.

"Condoms," she breathed. "We, uh, we need a condom."

"Fuck," I moaned. "Where are they?"

"I don't know," she shook as she kissed me. "But we are not having sex without one."

"Meredith," I moaned, kissing her neck. "Please."

"Derek, no," she said firmly, pulling away and pulling her shirt back on. "I am not getting pregnant when we have a two month old at home."

"We'll be careful, I can pull out," I said, trying to pull her close again.

"Absolutely not," she shook her head, zipping up her fly. "There is no way in hell you're penis is inside me without a condom covering it."

"In that case, we're speeding the rest of the way there," I nodded firmly.

"We have a two month old, Derek," she sighed. "We're not dying so you can get some."

"No one is going to die," I sighed.

"Derek, just be careful," she ordered. "Please. We have all night tonight and all day tomorrow to have sex."

"And we're taking all night and tomorrow," I laughed.

"Yes we are," she smiled. "And you better not have forgotten the condoms."

"I think they're in the back," I nodded.

"Good," she sighed. "Maybe I should call."

"You don't need to call," I breathed.

"Derek, what if she's crying?" Meredith asked. "She could be missing us."

"She'll be fine," I nodded. "She's with her aunt and uncle. And Dill."  
"I always have been," I smiled, squeezing her hand.

"I know," she grinned. "Except for on certain ferris wheels, and kitchen counters."

"You brought both of those on," I laughed.

"I don't remember you complaining," she giggled. "Of course, the ferris wheel ended up being better than I thought."

"It did," I nodded. "And Meredith I could never complain about sex with you."

"We are amazing, aren't we?" she breathed.

"We are," I nodded, moving to pass a slow moving car.

"How far are we?" she asked, her fingertips lightly brushing my hand.

"About half an hour. Impatient?" I asked winking.

"Just a little," she nodded. "I want to climb on top of you and fuck you until you can't breathe anymore," she murmured into my ear.

The car swerved, I couldn't help myself. "Meredith...remember. Crash. Bad."

"Sorry," she giggled.

"You're not," I shook my head.

"No, I'm not," she admitted. "But it's been six months."

"I know," I groaned. "Trust me, I know."

"Maybe you could speed a little," she murmured as she leaned forward to turn on the radio.

I laughed. "This is why I love you."

"Not because I cause you have screaming orgasms?" she mumured.

"That too," I nodded.

"Derek, hurry," she pleaded."Going as fast as I can, Mer," I murmured, putting my foot harder on the gas.

Somehow, amazingly, we didn't get pulled over during the fifteen minute drive that should have been thirty minutes. We pulled up to a small bed and breakfast and I got out of the car so fast I nearly fell, Meredith laughing as she went inside as I got the bags. "Two for Shepherd," she smiled at concierge.

The concierge smiled and gave us the key. We all but ran up the stairs, unlocked the doors with shaking hands. And fell into the room, our lips crashing together.

"Der," Meredith moaned as she tore my shirt off, literally causing the buttons to pop off as she kissed my chest, her hands running over my body as I buried my nose in her hair, breathing in deeply.

"Condom," I breathed pulling away. "We need to find them."

She nodded desperately as she took off her shirt and jeans, standing there, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable. "Der," she whispered.

"Yeah?" I asked as I rifled through the bag I remembered putting the condoms in.

"Maybe, uh," she sighed, "maybe we could the close the blinds. And maybe keep the lights off."

"What? Why?" I said, as I pulled the box of condoms out of the bag, smiling in relief.

"Just...could we?" she whispered, holding her shirt against her.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" I said, walking over to grab the shirt from her.

"No," she whimpered, clutching the shirt close to her. "Turn the lights off and..the blinds. And turn around until I'm under the blankets."

"Mer, I want to see you naked," I said, starting to realize exactly what the problem was.

"No," she shook her head. "No, you don't. I've...I don't...I had a baby, Derek."

"You had a baby," I nodded. "And I want to see you naked."

"No," she shook her head again, a little more desperately.

"Meredith Grey-Shepherd," I kissed her quickly. "I want you, I've wanted you for the past six months. I'm not stupid, I know there's probably new stretch marks, I know having a baby changes things. I also know that you're just as beautiful, as sexy, as the day I met you."

"I haven't lost all the weight," she sighed, tears in her eyes.

"Mer, every night for the last 6 months I've layed beside you in bed ignoring my erection. Do you think I care if you still have some weight from carrying our daughter?" I said, gently rubbing her cheek.

"It's different when you see it," she whispered, leaning into my touch.

"No it's not," I assured her, shaking my head. "I want you. I want to see every inch of you."

She sighed and lowered the shirt slowly, staring at me, tears in her eyes. I didn't say anything for a few seconds, as my pants grew so incredibly tight I almost couldn't breathe. "Der," she pleaded.

"Mer..." I breathed, feeling completely awestruck, speechless. There was no words to describe her. "You're...breath taking."

"Are you," she started until I came forward, cutting her off with the most passionate kiss we had ever shared, pulling her hair back as I lowered her onto the bed, resting myself on top of her, as my lips started a trail down her body.

She tasted exactly the way I remembered her and I quickly realized I had been craving the taste for months. She tasted like Meredith. Her hands found my hair and tangled within them as I played with my tongue, my lips and her teeth over her body.

"Der," she moaned as I edged her underwear from her body, trailing kisses until I allowed my tongue to slip into the folds between her legs, loving the way her hips rose to meet me tongue, loving the way her hips rose to meet me with every moan.

"Der," she moaned again as I pushed my tongue inside her. My pants were uncomfortable but I didn't dare move to take them off, didn't dare to anything but this. Because it had been far too long since I had. And she tasted like heaven.

Her body responded eagerly with every lap of my tongue, her hands gripping at the sheets. It had been too long since she had reacted this way, since I had seen her moaning beneath me, her entire body shaking with pleasure.

Her legs wrapped around my neck, her feet gently digging into my back as her orgasm overtook her, her body tensing all around me as her breath came out in small little gasps.

"God, Derek," she panted. "Please. I...I need you. Now. Inside me."

I pulled back and with shaky hands removed my pants, pushing them to the ground and climbing into bed beside her, holding her close. "Are you sure?" I breathed, my breath ragged.

"Yes," she nodded desperately. "Condom. Don't forget the condom."

"Condom," I nodded, grabbing one from the table beside the bed. "If I hurt you, you...you have to stop me."

"I will," she nodded. "Please."

I quickly slipped the condom on and climbed on top of her. As I pressed my lips against her I slid inside, gently. And nearly was done right there. "God, oh god," I moaned. I had forgotten how good her body felt around me. In all my yearning for sex I had completely forgotten exactly what it was that I was missing so much.

She let out a small groan and grasped my back, digging her nails into the skin, taking a deep breath as she bit her lower lip. "Der," she murmured.

I moved slowly in and out of her, biting my lip to hold onto my sanity. She rocked against me, our familiar rhythm immediately returned. We had always moved like this, completely in sync with each other, completely aware of what the other one needed. And nothing had changed.

"You okay?" I whispered to her, trying to remember what Addison had told me about maybe hurting, and if it hurt to stop. Something like that. My mind was going blissfully blank as my lips met hers, as I moved carefully inside her, loving the way she tightened around me.

"Seriously?" she asked, giggling slightly as her body bucked against mine.

"Seriously," I nodded, though maybe I wasn't seriously asking anymore. "Are you...does it...god, Mer."

"Der," she breathed, her voice husky. "Don't stop."

"Yeah," I nodded as I kissed her deeply, quickening my pace as I felt my own orgasm start to build. I couldn't finish before her. I couldn't finish before she was finished. It wouldn't be right. "Mer," I murmured frantically, "Jesus. Mer."

"Der," she all but screamed, as her body tensed around mine, her fingers digging deeper into my back as her orgasm shook her body.

"Meredith, Meredith," I mumbled seconds later as my own orgasm caused me to shake on top of her, my body collapsing on hers as I struggled to control my breathing, as I struggled not to feel completely light headed and dizzy.

We layed in silence, our sweaty limbs tangled together, for I don't know how long. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, as our breathing returned to normal. "Was it always that good?" I finally asked.

"No," she shook her head. "That was...I can't...god, Der. Maybe we should always wait six months."

"There is no way I'm ever waiting 6 months again," I laughed.

"Me neither," she giggled as she kissed me, her hand brushing my sweaty curls off my forehead.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," she nodded and then giggled a little.

"What's so funny?" I asked, even though I kind of felt like laughing myself.

"Just," she started laughing now, full on laughing, "less than a year ago, we were the couple that never had sex in bed. And now, we just had the most amazing sex ever in a bed."

"Well I don't think they'd be very happy if we had it on their kitchen counter," I laughed.

She giggled as she started to untangle herself from me. "We should shower," she said, giving me a slight wink.

"We should. Can't have sex in a bed twice," I laughed.

"But maybe," she sighed, walking towards her purse, obviously no longer worried about being naked in front of me, "maybe first we should call home. Check on Meggie and Dill."

"Mark and Addie will call if they need us," I tried to remind her.

"But, Derek," she sighed. "We've been gone for a whole two hours. It's time for Meggie to eat."

"Dillon's promised to make sure she's fed," I reminded her.

"Derek," she turned to me and suddenly, my lips were against hers and she was laughing as I picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, my lips roaming over her body as I turned on the water.

"We'll call after the shower," I whispered, biting her ear gently.

"Yeah, we will," she gasped as I ducked her into the shower, planning fully on reteaching her the bending thing.

Her lips pressed hard against mine as the water sprayed against us. My hands moved over her body, relearning her curves. She was right, they were different, fuller. If anything she was sexier. And she was mine. The mother of my son and my daugther, and all my future children. This was where I was supposed to be. In a shower with Meredith, our children waiting for us at home.

_They could sail away into sunsets, we'll be right here stranded on the ground just happy to be found._


	58. Chapter 58

**Disclaimer: We'd love to give a funny one. We know we owe you a funny one for THIS update. But we can't think of anything. We blame it on the babies...they make you toxic.**

I stood nervously in front of the altar, my hands shaking for some completely unknown reason. This was the day I had been waiting for. This was the day Meredith and I had been planning for the last year. This was the day I was going to finally make it official with the woman I loved. The woman that Dill's teacher called Mrs. Shepherd. The woman who had completely forgotten about ever being Ms. Grey.

The last two years had been everything I had ever dreamed of. Somehow we had made it all work, the family, the job, everything balanced perfectly. There was nights of pure joy sitting around the dinner table, yelling screaming fights and long passionate nights in bed. It all worked. Everything worked for us. Even though it sometimes didn't feel like it. And today it was all going to be official.

I looked over the many people in the congregation, shocked by how many people I was actually related to. And how many people on Mer's side weren't actually her real family, but family all the same. My mother would be ushered in at any moment and taken to her seat, and my eyes filled with tears at that thought. So far, the cancer hadn't returned. And my mom was here. She was at my wedding.

Meredith's mom wasn't. Meredith's mom had never even met Megan. But her dad was there. She refused to let him walk her down the aisle. She was too stubborn to dream of that, and he hadn't raised her. But after finally reconciling last year he was there. And that was good. Because Meredith needed something of her own, something that wasn't Shepherd.

The doors opened and Mark clapped me on the back, a huge smile on his face. Mark. The man who had once sworn he would never get married. The man who had slept with half of Seattle. Mark Sloan was now officially off the market. He had proposed to Addison in front of the entire family at Christmas, and now they were planning their own wedding.

Callie's smiling face was on the other side. About a year ago Meredith and I had decided George needed someone and Callie had been it. And now she was one of Meredith's bridesmaids. Izzie followed close behind. And Cristina, smiling despite the fact she hated weddings, followed. Dillon followed behind Cristina, taking his job as ring bearer very seriously. I couldn't help but smile at the seven year old who had thought it was ring bear, and that he had to be an actual bear. Dillon was nine now, and he had grown so much it was almost scary. Gone were the innocent "surgeon Mommy to fix her" days. Even Sam had taken a backseat to my nine year old's busy life of soccer and hockey. Though he pretended Sam didn't matter anymore, Meredith and I both knew the boy couldn't sleep without the teddy bear.

Tallulah and Megan followed close behind, both carrying baskets of flower petals and wearing tiny white dresses. Tallulah had to be part of our day, she had gotten me Meredith's phone number when nothing else had worked. That felt like eons ago now. And my daughter. Her hair was long now, full of soft brown curls, her eyes a reflection of my own. I loved her more now than the day she had been born. She put flowers down carefully, just the way Tallulah had taught her, a huge smile on her face as everyone looked at her. At two, she believed the world revolved around her, and in reality, it did. My world, anyway. She was my little princess and she knew it. She could do no wrong in my eyes, which is why Meredith usually ended up being the one to stop the terrible twos tantrums. "Daddy!" she squealed when she saw me.

"Shhh," I whispered, smiling widely as I pressed a finger on my lips. And then suddenly the music changed, as my head snapped up from where it had been gazing at my children. Meredith.

My wonderful, beautiful Meredith. She wore an ivory colored halter gown, as she had pointed out that white was a little ridiculous at this point. Two children and one on the way. Or at least, that's what she had told me the night before as we were leaving the rehearsal dinner. "I'm two months along," she had whispered softly when I had asked why she wouldn't have champagne.

Just like I had then I smiled smugly. I knew we weren't going to last to our wedding day without slipping at least once. Even now, three years after we first met, and she still couldn't keep her hands off me, or maybe I couldn't keep my hands off her. It didn't matter. No hand would have to be kept off tonight anyway. Which was good, considering how amazingly beautiful she looked.

She moved carefully, a soft smile on her lips, as she looked directly at me. Her hair fell in soft waves down her back, and she wasn't wearing a veil. She had refused to do so, saying it was too girly. But she looked beautiful anyway, the way the dress hugged her curves so beautifully. My heart swelled with pride as she finally came to me, taking my hand gently.

I gave her hand a tight squeeze and mouthed I love you. Raising a 9 year old together had helped us perfect the art of mouthing entire conversations. She mouthed it back as we turned towards the priest. "Hi, Mommy!" Megan giggled before the priest could even speak. Meredith giggled slightly and raised her finger to her lips just like I had minutes before. "Sorry," Megan giggled. She had Mer's giggle, there was no doubt about that. Mer's nose. Mer's mouth. Mer's giggle. It was that giggle that caused my heart to swell with love for my girls.

I gave them both a tiny smile as we both turned to the priest. It was time. It was beyond time. This day had been in the making since the second my eyes had found her at the bar all those years ago. I hadn't realized it then, but that one night had changed everything. That one night had brought me here.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate..." the priest began in the usual boring voice that would have put me to sleep as a child. Dillon was standing next to me and Mark, trying not to fidget in his tuxedo, Mark's hand lightly on his shoulder as he stared straight ahead, trying his best to act like a big boy.

I couldn't concentrate on the words. I knew I should but I was too happy. My brain was too happy to actually function properly. Which was silly, the neurosurgeon in my knew it was silly. But the fact remained, I couldn't concentrate. Meredith was smiling at me when I turned to look at her briefly. She looked relaxed and happy. Not at all the panicked woman I had had to plead with for a chance. Not at all the panicked woman who had run out of my trailer after I had told her I loved her. This was a new Meredith. Or maybe the real Meredith. But it was happy Meredith. Bright and shiny Meredith. And god, I loved her.

She was going to be my wife. This was going to be the rest of our lives. That realization had come to me years before, before I had ever slipped any ring on her finger but this was making it official. I knew we were both in this for the long haul. I knew that when we said our vows soon we would mean every word and that we would stand by those words forever. Because for us there was nothing else.

Suddenly, I realized it was time for the vows, my heart raced as I turned to Meredith. I took her hands and swallowed deeply. "Meredith," I began, surprised by the shakiness in my voice. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice in check. "I, Derek Shepherd, take you Meredith Grey to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, love you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this day forward as long as we both shall live."

Meredith smiled at me through the tears that I was hoping weren't completely hormonal and then said loudly, completely sure of herself, "I, Meredith Grey, take you, Derek Shepherd as my husband, my friend, and my own true love. I will trust you, love you, and grow old with you. I will celebrate our successes, build on our failures, and cry during the good and the bad times. I come today to give you my heart, my love, and my promise of forever, until death do us part."

I smiled and squeezed her hands, feeling some tears in my own eyes. I didn't want to cry, I wasn't that guy. I refused to be that guy. If I cried Mark and Cristina would never let me live it down. Dillon, who was far too much like his Uncle Mark, would never let me live it down. "The rings," the priest nodded at Mark, who bent down to take them from the pillow Dillon had been holding carefully through out the entire ceremony. Mark handed one to Meredith and the other to me and the priest nodded. "Derek, repeat after me. This ring is a symbol of my undying love and affection, of my faithfulness, and of my commitment. With this ring, I take you as my wife."

I cleared my throat again as I held the ring in a shaky hand. "This ring is a symbol of my undying love and affection, of my faithfulness, and of my commitment. With this ring, I take you as my wife."

The priest nodded as I slipped it onto Meredith's finger, amazed by how the white gold band seemed to fit so perfectly on her thin fingers. "Meredith, repeat after me. This ring is a symbol of my undying love and affection, of my faithfulness and of my commitment. With this ring, I take you as my husband."

My brother in laws had jokingly teased me about the weight of the ring, the way it fit on your fingers, and how much came with it. They joked the ring felt heavier than any ring ever could. And they were wrong. Nothing felt wrong or heavy or daunting about the ring now on my finger.

Meredith had repeated the words so softly, I could barely hear her, but as I stared at the rings on our fingers, my heart swelled with love for the woman in front of me. Three years ago, I had been ready to give up. Three years ago, I had been drinking in a bar and I had met a petite blond in a Dartmouth t-shirt. Three years ago, I had thought this day would never come.

"You may now kiss..." I'm sure the priest finished the sentence, I just didn't bother listening. My lips were on hers, holding her tight and kissing her much more passionately than I should have. But she was my wife, so that was okay.

"Ewwww," Meggie giggled from beside us, causing the clapping that surrounded us to be mingled with laughs.

"I love you, Meredith Shepherd," I whispered as I pulled away.

"I love you, Derek Shepherd," she smiled, her face a little flushed.

"Ladies and gentleman, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Derek Shepherd," the priest said.

"Daddy!" Meggie came rushing over to me, holding her arms up to be held as the applause rose to an almighty roar.

I picked her up and rested her on one hip as I firmly took Meredith's hand in my other. "Mrs. Shepherd," I smiled, gesturing to the aisle that lay before us.

Dillon came around us, taking Meredith's free hand and she nodded at me. "Come on," she smiled as we took our first steps down the aisle as an official, though slighty dysfunctional, family.

_"So take me don't leave me, take me don't leave me. Baby, love will come through, it's just waiting for you."_

**So yeah...that's it.**

**Katie and I are extremely sad to part with it but that's it. We felt that we told their story and there wasn't anything else to tell. So yeah...done. Thanks for all the great comments and everything else. We really appreciate it...it's what keeps us writing. So thank you!**

**And there will be more coming from us!! Our next fic is called Crazy Little Thing Called Love so watch for it!!**


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